Why Victims of Narcissists Can't Let Go the Narcissist?

[piloooogen]

Was checking amazon and the comments were better then expected.

[VapoVibes]

Narcissists need to get a good supply of weed. I am an ex narcissist and agree with this message. ;-)

[codyStrode]

I like your videos because they naturally make me think about various people in my life who seem to be acting narcissistic or (overly selfish). Also, I tend to evaluate things about myself such as; why I may be thinking so badly about others and am I perhaps a narcissist?lol Seriously though, these videos help me to think through small fits of paranoia I get from time to time. Thanks

[MsCartman74]

Narcissists are very similar to a drug. Your first encounter with one is either out of desire, misinformation, curiousity, or just naivite. But the end result is always the same because the drug never changes. The narcissist never changes, you do. And as you are destroyed, you are left hoping to get one more hit from the drug, but unfotunately it no longer has the same effect. The drug moves on to ensnare another victim, not caring at all because drugs don't have feelings and neither do narcs.

[jackwindinhair1]

this is eerily accurate on both the N's and victim's description.

@narcissismvideos I have a Q: are there degrees of malignancy? can they improve? Is everyone so F'd up that narcissism isn't the worst? am I kidding myself?

geeezz that sucked watching and realizing, but knowing the issue may put me on the right path...

[synndee48]

@jackwindinhair1 I know the feeling...it really does suck...I was actually hoping that it WAS me and not him (like he always wanted me to believe). I could change me but I could never change the Narcissist. I really was hoping that that great guy I met months ago (and eventually showed his true colors) would be back to who he was when I met him.

He is gone now...but still in the back of my mind like a never ending memory...something exciting about him and I just don't get it....

[bybloodandwater]

@narcissismvideos: outstanding information. Thank you for posting this. God bless you. :)

[azrial4421]

My dad is one, and he was very hard to let go.

[jigglyboo26]

I broke up with my narcissit/psychopath over a week ago upon identifying what he really was after 5 months of the most frustrating and confusing relationship of my life. At first upon realizing he was a psychopath I tried to play his game, which worked to a point and seemed to unsettle him. After only a few days it confused me so much I ended up just blocking his number altogether and hope he doesn't stop by my house or job. He'll probably move on to his next victim.

[synndee48]

@jigglyboo26 His name wasn't Otto was it? LOL ... UGH

[vernonaicht]

Most of this sounds like reactions to a lot of break-ups. Some people take it worse than others.

[organysntracey1]

I think I'm at the tail end of rage, thank God! Although I still have my moments (or sometimes days) of miserable irritability and anger, I suddenly feel very sad - sick to my stomach sad, as I realize how my N has completely disgarded me, and that everything he said he was, was a lie, as he systematically dismanteled my life over the years. I've caught myself even acting like him to him and I hate myself for it, but am learning to forgive myself as I heal. It's good to know there will be light.

[bluelvelvetotus]

@organysntracey1 I had to check the name at the bottom of this msg to make sure it wasn't mine!

[organysntracey1]

@bluelvelvetotus Isn't it amazing how so similar and even, sometimes identical, victim's stories and stories of recovery are? Thanks for you comment, because when someone validates my experience, even a little bit, my sanity is restored just that much more.

[bluelvelvetotus]

I've lost my Narcissist, and I've just passed through the sadness phase... starting to accept things, never thought it would get to this. The rage was the worst part, i almost became as bad as him - didn't even recognise myself! I still get sad at times though, and there has been so much 'Post-Traumatic' stress. When we broke up 3 mths ago, i spent the first month getting daily massages, and I was still stressed not to mention I spent all my earnings on it, but it helped me heal so it was good.

[sexysingingcupcake]

Live and learn. Is all I can tell myself right now. I just ended a 4 year relationship with a narcissist man today. It's so hard because he WAS charming and hard working and so sweet. Then as the years past he just turned into a hateful verbaly abusive unemployeed alcoholic whos only thought was...."where is my next beer coming from?" I can't believe I let him walk all over me. But please lets not beat ourselves up ladies.

[holmessumaya9]

@sexysingingcupcake

I know exactly what you are talking about. My relationship lasted 3 years, but it was never only 2 people in the relationship. There were always other supplies being kept simultaneously. So much suffering to find out, I had been dealing with someone that never existed. They are empty inside.

[bluelvelvetotus]

@sexysingingcupcake Ok, thx!!! Well goodluck with your break up, I know how addictive those damn N tactics can be, they suck you in because they are Hollywood quality actors, but don't be fooled again because unless a narcissist is willing to consider the possibility that he/she has a problem, they will always turn mean. On the flip side, time away from the narcissist can make you realize (me at least) that this is a serious condition & these people actually feel inferior inside... sad really.

[TheLaura1304]

if only I had come across this stuff in 2000 when I met my so far and hopefully one and only asshole narcissist. Everything this guy says is totally true! Would I have seen the asshole for what he is? who knows - none of my friends were taken in by him... but omg I actually begged him to stay! ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH my life started to improve the minute I left him!

[stupidusedrnames]

Also my first husband has BORDERLINE PERSONALLITY DISORDER . i always knew they would come up with a diagnosis but that was 25 yrs. ago and I just knew he wasn't normal I just attributed his lack of empathy to me and my children was due to his childhood traumas which were really bad/sad. I thought if I loved him enough I could change him but all it did was enable him to continue in his selfish, insensitive behaviour. I SURE CAN PICK "EM!

[stupidusedrnames]

Oh my God. I finally get what I've been through for the past 12 yrs. Thank you. I just found your vids and like Charlie Brown exclaims THAT'S IT!!!!! I get it now why I knew in my heart I was a victim but until listening to just 2 of your videos i didn't understand although I elieve God is using you and your insight to heal me. It's been brutal, heart wretching and left me feeling less than dirt. THANK YOU THANKYOU THANK YOU, Your brilliantand God has used you in my life towards recovering.

[AeonDeity]

@stupidusedrnames This man is actually a narcissist and psychopath.

He pretends to help you, but he actually gets his kicks off reading comments like yours.

I'm glad you're finally out of what you've been going through, but this sick man doesn't deserve your thanks.

[stupidusedrnames]

@AeonDeity That just figures, doesn't it? LOL. But it still helped to understand why he was so insane and immature, it just baffeled the hell out of me how nuts he was. but thanks for the heads up.

[TheMarkusrose]

@stupidusedrnames He may still be able to help some people even if his motives are are sick. Some partners of narcissists find him insightful, what they learn from him helps them to leave the relationship or alternatively to understand why they cannot leave it.

[stupidusedrnames]

@TheMarkusrose But I have to tell u, this guy knows his sh*t! I searched my limited vocab for a substitute word for what I am about to say but unfortuantely there is no other word to use so please excuse the vulagrity.. I just always knew there was a perfectly good diagnosis for people who are just complete assholes! I just didn't identify it till now! hahah, he has explained the insane relationship i had with an arrogant, infintile sometimes awesome , uhm, well, asshole that left me reeling.

[hep48]

@AeonDeity He can be both a man who isn't well, and a man who deserves your thanks. These are not mutually incompatible categories, and even a charlatan pretending to be wise such as myself can realize that.

[bluelvelvetotus]

@AeonDeity Wow, what are you talking about? Why do you go to people's vids to post this BS. I'm not about to get into an e-fight over this, and i don't really care what you think, but writing that on someone's video comments is lame when they are clearly trying to help those in this situation. Do you even know anything about this condition? I think you should educate yourself about Narcissism before you go diagnosing others, and pointing the finger to someone who is trying to help through vids.

[AeonDeity]

@bluelvelvetotus

You need to learn to do what you've just described to me, learning before posting bullshit.

This man has been in a documentary called "I, Psychopath".

It's on youtube, and this man is clearly a psychopath, go watch the videos, then think before accusing others.

[bluelvelvetotus]

@AeonDeity LOL Funnnnnnny.

U got a link?

[AeonDeity]

@bluelvelvetotus

Is it really that difficult to type "I, Psychopath" in youtube?

/watch?v=jKvhKI6Kxew

[kyriaabrahams]

@AeonDeity I looked briefly and will look more when I get home from work. So, what's the deal with this guy, then? What's the documentary about? Is he pretending to be a doctor? Do you think his videos are dangerous or misleading? As I watch them, they seem very helpful and describe my ex-boyfriend down to the minute detail. What's his angle?

[AeonDeity]

@kyriaabrahams

The advice he gives is useful, though he is preying off people who have been affected by a narcissist.

He apparently has a PhD & is a psychopath (psychopaths are narcissists).

His angle for putting videos on Youtube would be to get noticed (he mentions his book) and a kick out of reading comments.

(narcissist: I'm such a wonderful person, helping people I don't care at all about)

(psychopath: It's fun to read the stories of people who have suffered; it gives me ideas of my own)

[jigglyboo26]

@AeonDeity I absolutely agree

[kyriaabrahams]

@AeonDeity I watched the documentary last night. I wasn't pleased with this, to say the least. I've decided to make a video voicing my opinion about this situation and what I feel should be done with sociopaths. In case you are curious, about the kinds of things I do with sociopaths, Google "Never Have Dinner with Susan Crain Bakos." The story was picked up by New York Magazine.

Susan Crain Bakos never screwed with another person after I was done... not if they were smart enough to Google.

[arlen886]

Thats the real sad part he is such a nice guy, I mean really nice but he does severly damaging things that has hurt me and my 2 boys I am actually afraid my older son will do the same to his family because I was afraid to get out of the marriage when the boys were so young because I had no idea how badly their father would have treated them.

[arlen886]

My divorce from him will be over soon, its still painful and I try to brake my contact with him, but he continues to act like an angel and recently told me his is now treating our 15 year old son better because I am no longer in the picture and that it was my fault that he treated him badly.

[AeonDeity]

You're going under the label of a Narcissistic Psychopath, a highly anti-social profile.

Yet you are posting videos on Youtube; ironic.

[TheMarkusrose]

@AeonDeity that's how he gets his narcissistic supply. he doesn;'t care about anybody, but his ability to get others to genuinely believe he is helping them with his insight magnifies his sense of grandiosity and importance.

[AeonDeity]

@TheMarkusrose It's truly a sick world we live in isn't it?

I see all these comments that would give him such satisfaction, all the while people don't know what he's actually doing.

[TheMusicdreammachine]

we are fucked up ppl.. well. at least i have an answer now

[lovemyselfforever86]

they do hide behind their charm, intelligence, money, looks, pathetic they are

[BlissfulMary]

@lovemyselfforever86 people fall for their intelligence because of convincing lies. Others don't know what to look for because they have never come across such a being...and when you do, it like tripping into the Twillight Zone. The average person would not double check what a narc drops out of their mouths, they don't know what to look for. One trick, always remember what they say because they forget the lies they tell. Narcs are smart yet stupid. They eventually expose themselves.

[harvestech]

@BlissfulMary They lie & repeat the same lie innocently... atlast you will give up and believe that it is Truth!.... thats what my experience thought me.

[lovemyselfforever86]

why do narcissists have so many resources and allies?

[patriciacarrasco]

@lovemyselfforever86 because they twist things around and always make themselves the victim. also people in general cannot fathom another person being so evil and wont believe the victim especially if theyre in a family. people are in denial until it happens to them and then they have to face it

[MsGankarl]

@patriciacarrasco couldn't have said it better myself!

[lovemyselfforever86]

l**** ma******t does not deserve love from anyone!!!! maybe one day those girls evill wake up to his evil ways, or maybe they are evil too. they are all cowards

[lovemyselfforever86]

I'm ANGRY THAT I GAVE MY BODY UP TO HIM WHEN I WAS HEALTHY, I FEAR THAT I MAY NEVER GET A CHANCE TO GIVE LOVE TO THE RIGHT PERSON IN THE FUTURE BECAUSE I DON"T TRUST anymore, and my health is going bad. Why do people have to take advantage of someone who is kind and who tells them not to do things because of prior abuse, but then goes and does it anyway?

[BlissfulMary]

@lovemyselfforever86 I've learned alot with these vids...you have to understand that narcs do not possess a part in their brains that help them to feel sympathy or empathy. They are incapable of knowing what they are putting you through and they will never care. They are badly put together mentally. I look at them as sub human...looks human but not quite. Our need for closure makes us try to reason "why" but it is clear they are sick and won't see you for the wonderful person you are.Be well

[drrcm81]

@lovemyselfforever86

I haven't seen or talked for 3 months with the narcissist that I was with. Regardless, I wake up at 3am every morning with stomach aches and emotional pains. Bouts of daily depression are common for me. Many hours of the day I have imaginative conversations with her in my head in which I explain to her that she is very sick and that my love for her was and still is realistic. I'm so hurt. You're not alone.

[Jlo777237777]

@lovemyselfforever86

My boss is a narc and working for him is hell. I've taken demotions just to keep my job but after seeking a counselor and reading a lot, I can see that I will be ok. They seem to just wanting to damage your self esteem. I can promise you with time youll be better. Just dont judge yourself as he see's you because his view is most obviously warped. Hope this helps.

[MiddleClassHippie]

It is such a relief to watch these clips and realize that I am not alone in my experience. Sam's descriptions are terrifyingly accurate. I spent 12 years forever trying to gain my NPD husband’s approval, jumping through flaming hoops for him, raising his children from a previous marriage, running his business, and eventually allowing him to see other women because I had “failed to make him happy”. Luckily, I came to my senses just in time to get out alive - 18 months of PTSD notwithstanding.

[charkee1]

I spent 22 years married to one and I went through the steps of grief and anger. Now my life is filled with profound peace being rid of the monster.

[fancyfrenchy]

My Husband is dumb as a door knob BUT people like him and he can work them to get what he wants. He is a wolf in lambs clothing to the outside world. The worst is going against him in court the judge is wowed by his ability to get at eye level and talk to her as if they were golf buddies making me appear as a lower...less believable and troubled individual. Thus I loose he wins and I'm back at home with the demon. I can't win.

[MrBrian987987]

To be fair, I think there are a good number of narcissists who don't even realize that they are narcissistic. I think most people have no trouble dumping them when they don't get what(ever) they want, and I don't think they are as much in control as you seem to think.

[ilovepaulbanks1]

Excellent! Very helpful & insightful.

[victoria1297]

you are brilliant and have help me so much.

i have figure out a lot of things thank to you.

brilliant

thanks

[mecrys31]

how do i let go when we have two children? Is it better for my children to live with a narcisstic father and a mother that is a victim of the naracissim or better for us to be seeprated? How do i know if hes the crazy one or if i am? im 98% sure its him but he swears its me!

[itsanottame]

OMG tx again. I have been asked NOT TO LEAVE by health services or church colleagues - he's me husband right - dont listen to the mental projections - its not really him yada yada yada - well icksnay this guy is a 45 yo vindictive abusive violent angry tantrum throwing baby without empathy - time to eject from planet narcissist!

[my4thone]

@Indaingiver45 thats behavior period, its an identity

[onlyonecher]

Yes, Try realizing that the man you married 26 years ago has never cared about you and that your entire life, marriage were all an elaborate sham and you wasted your life with a pariah. Thank you for opening my eyes, Sam. Where were you 20 years ago? LOL

[BlissfulMary]

@onlyonecher how do you heal from something like that? I loved someone like this but I have known him for a short while. He exhibited signs of being a "narc". To think that he never felt love for me is painful. I recently re-established a friendship with him but I know it is not sincere on his part. I know I have to let go eventually. The moth will get burned messing with the flame always.

[lovemyselfforever86]

@BlissfulMary i let in a narcissist a second time, thinking that he had changed. He didn't,it was all a setup by him and his other mistress. I wanted to know why he did this to me and why he had girl go against me for no reason, he set me up to look bad and have these women give him sympathy, he won't ever admit the truth about his abuse towards me.

[BlissfulMary]

@lovemyselfforever86 You MUST stay away from him. That is the only and best option. I'm sorry that you are not well, this may be causing you to aggravate your situation. When the narc I knew would call me, I would feel sick and nervous anxiousness. I feel better now. Those women are the right types mentally most likely and they are drawn to someone like that. What matters is that you recognize what he is and got away from him. They will get their chance of getting burned like we all did.

[onlyonecher]

Yes, Try realizing that the man you married 26 years ago has never cared about you and that your entire life, marriage were all an elaborate sham and you wasted your life with a pariah.

[TORN526]

3 SADNESS-- eye wz fill'd wit SADNESS no'n tht eye lost all mi CHILdn & GRandCHILdn-- only 1 of mi CHILdn would allow me 2 speak or talk about how mi daughter treat'd me, erbody keep tell'n me dont talk about it-- eye'v evn been call'd a NARCISSIST--

4 ACCEPTANCE--eye hv ACCEPT'D the fact tht eye wILL no long'r sea mi GRANDCHILdn grow up, nor share n there birthdayz-- it hurts & makes me sad, howevr, eye no long'r am a TARGET for mi daughters gaslight'n--

thank yah so very much fa the teach'nz -

[TORN526]

1 DENIAL --eye denied tht fact tht mi daughter wz gazlight'n me--altho eye nu she wz--she iz mi daughter eye would say--

1 ANGER-- eye bcame so ANGRY about how mi daughter wz treat'n me, as tho liv'n n her hoU.S.e wz a privilege & or prize--eye gt so upset @ all her gaslight'n, eye walk straight out her d00r, nvr 2 enter it again-- only 2 gt mi thingz, she had a fit about tht, as tho she wz upset, bcz eye no long'r need'd 2 b a pt of her queendom--

[TORN526]

@TORN526 -- 2 ANGER--

[Cneumann22]

Your vids have been so helpful. I had a really awful experience with a narcissist doctor (30 years younger than myself. I thought he was interested in learning about economics from me but his actions showed he was interested in manipulation. I tired of constantly correcting him for his behaviors so I established a no contact rule. Afterward I missed the times when I thought he appreciated my mentoring. Luckily I am a strong person and have worked through the disappointment. Thank you.

[Hawaiiansky11]

I just had a lightbulb moment on this: Prodigal Child Phenomenon. People are valued much more highly when they 'change' from being evil to good (as NPDs pretend to do over and over)....like the parable of the lost sheep and prodigal son. A consistently loving, kind person has far less value than one who has 'gone away' and come back. This seems like a gross injustice, but it also seems to be a common part of human nature.

personally, I'd rather have the consistent love and kindness.

[xx0Kitten0xx]

Why didn't I find this before? I wrote a romance novel on what I went through with a Narcissist and didn't know she was one until the end. I lived everything talked about here. It makes it easier now knowing what happened.