Dealing With Difficult People

[EatMoreEnchiladas]

'no such being... [person] who's totally bad/ evil/ hopeless'... ok, I excerpted, but how does it work for non humans? you want to see the good in all people. but, say, with beetles or sharks, the same kind of good-bad duality in the personality is missing. so, maybe we can't make this blanket statement about 'all beings'. haha. kbai.

[cmiller1257]

@Mancunian786

Last time I checked...Buddhists don't put people to death for converting to another religion. If YOUR religion requires this, then it's my belief that it must not have very compelling reasons to give it the full measure of your devotion.

Buddhism is NOTHING if not a logical expression of man's greatest and best nature.

[Yaiyasmin]

"Religious people should be the most difficult to offend"... I love that quote.

[zbigniewzapora]

Democratic model is just as failed model as monarchy (in politics). Any authority model that relies on force is flawed model. Putting that aside, democratic model may work in closed voluntary environment (like monasteries). by closed I mean when people have the same field of expertise. Democratic model won't work for example when each of passengers have the same voting power as each of crew on ship when deciding how to sail it or when 2 wolves and one sheep decide what to eat on dinner.

[justkarmatoo]

Thanks Brahm. Kinda weird how the "Four Noble Truths" cover it all.

[Ondesdevie]

You can go to Dhammaloka

dot point com

Dammaloka 2 u

[CYRAPHYM]

nice talk, I am not trying to be difficult but, gee, how do you get the 1 hour upload?

[TheTyaptyap]

what a waste of 7 years of her life. And he could have just as well killed her. She was just lucky.

[kensei85]

@TheTyaptyap if he changed and now they are both as happy and loving as can be then her compassion was obviously not wasted. Buddha taught that even murderers can attain enlightenment if they abandon their old ways, and that hate can only be cured by love. So HE was lucky she bothered to put the effort in to help him and didn't run off - otherwise he would have never changed, probably lived a life of sadness, died alone and faced a lower rebirth. Either way she done something amazing.

[TheTyaptyap]

@kensei85 Yes, I agree, he was definitely very lucky. I just dont think that encouraging people to stay in abusive relationships is a good idea considering all the domestic violence there is in our society. Didnt the Buddha also say that you should avoid loud and aggressive people? Also,putting up with peoples bad behaviour gives them no reason to change it .

[kensei85]

@TheTyaptyap I agree with everything that you just said. As Ajahn Brahm said, it was a very special case: turning a "bad" person "good" is one of the hardest challenges we could ever undertake as it almost always works out badly (so definitely isn't recommended advice), but it makes a fitting example of Buddha-nature- turning negativity into positivity.

"'He insulted me, he cheated me, he beat me, he robbed me' -- those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace." -Buddha

[TheTyaptyap]

what a great topic for me at the moment.

Thank you so much AJahn

[Ashitanoyuki]

I hope he can talk about work and careers because that's a very important part of life.

[TashejaMusic]

Thankyou so much Ajahn Brahm, for sharing your wonderful insights.

[AmishFighterPilot]

Does anyone know the exact name of the study using the cookies?

[douglaslam]

Thank you, this is one great lesson for me.

[OS253]

I don't talk to difficult people.  I give them the silent treatment. It works all the time. Thanks for uploading this video. It was really helpful.

[lyntonio]

i think the deli lama has given up on this lesson when it comes to china

[kensei85]

@lyntonio if only the Chinese were allowed to watch these talks and learn the truth about Buddhism and talk openly about it. There would be a lot more peace if we all followed his teachings.

[douglaslam]

@kensei85 Actually they do.

[kensei85]

@douglaslam sure they do, google "China bans youtube".

[douglaslam]

@kensei85 You mean only youtube provides talks, learning the truth, Buddhism?

Be fair.

[kensei85]

@douglaslam only youtube provides *these* talks by Ajahn Brahm, yes (which is what my original point was). Also, the only websites allowed in China are pre-approved by the state, and yes, that does block 90% of the truth about Buddhism. And yes, for openly supporting Buddhism you face going to prison in China.

Be honest.

[kensei85]

Also, China blocks any search that contains "Dalai" (the Dalai Lama is the head of Tibetian Buddhism) so they cannot read any of his books or any information about him other than what their government pumps out.

Do you not consider this to be stopping people from learning the truth about Buddhism either?

[douglaslam]

@kensei85 My apology, my limited understanding of Buddhism was never a reference to a single person.

I understand where you are coming from, but it does not mean "other types" of Buddhism does not hold the truth, does it?

Why pull Buddhism into politics?

[kensei85]

@douglaslam Buddhists pay reverence to the triple-gem, Buddha, Dharma (Buddha's teachings), and Sangha (Buddhist monks). The Dalai Lama is the head of the Tibetan Sangha, why discriminate against Tibetan Buddhism? I am not saying other types of Buddhism are not paths to truth, I'm saying that blocking "Dalai" makes it virtually impossible to be a Tibetan Buddhist in China. My whole point is that it is Chinese state policy to drag Buddhism into politics, and these people tend to be "difficult".

[douglaslam]

@kensei85 Yes, you are right, they are very strict with the Internet, but Buddhism is a common practise there and allowed openly. Are you aware that the first World Buddhist Forum was held in China in 2006?

I am honest, I go to China.

Please try to refer to the lesson taught here. There are many difficult things in China, but Buddhism is not a factor unless it is politically related.

They even allow China monks to visit other countries. :)

[drav1dan]

@lyntonio : Actually it is China that does not follow this lesson when it comes to the Dalai Lama.

[douglaslam]

@drav1dan have you follow this lesson? :)

[drav1dan]

@douglaslam : I am responding to you. That means I am following this lesson about dealing with difficult, egotistic people in a patient manner. :)

[douglaslam]

@drav1dan Thank you. :)

[magicbus1990]

@lyntonio

The Dalai Lama has been very patient with China and willing to talk with them. China puts pressure on countries like the US to not meet with him and are unwilling to meet with him in any circumstances. The Dalai Lama recently asked the people of Tibet to work with China and respect them.

[lyntonio]

@magicbus1990 @kensei85 I have also recently read that he is over all the decent attempts he has made, one could ask why it is that Tibet is now independent of one of the most corrupt and bloody corrupt and brutal nations on earth, maybe Christopher Hitchens is right "why should I forgive, why not fight for what is right" I think there is some things that are unforgivable and we all get caught up in new age sewage . as much as I love him I don't think Ajahn is completely right here.

[killerecho]

That entitlement mentality of those in authority, discussed around 11:00, smacks heavily of the bank bailouts of 2008.

Anyways, really enjoyed this talk. Thanks for posting.