Real Estate Headaches (part 1/4)

[Goldbloodeddragon]

2:23

I was hoping Diabetus would respond to that with "Oh, it's one of THOSE games."

[keozeo]

god i hate this game.... its just trial and error, and after you know how to beat it, it aint special.

[spartan117ak]

So basically... He is subzero?

[SargentMugen]

I actually fell asleep after watching this.

[sonicfeet]

Dawson's voice in this game sounds like something from the 1980's.

[Darknightzaku]

Alien embryo did you kill Rita?

[Ezo945]

Hey listen, I fell asleep listening to this and when I woke up I had uncontrolable diarrehea and vomiting. Do you think there's an alien embryo in my head?

[KingdomHeart723]

@Ezo945 I would respond, but it's been four days so you're obviously already dead.

[TehNoun]

I'm disappointed that we spend less time in the bathroom in this one.

[ChuWanggAmes]

no kidding....ARISE.....5 O.O

[UltimaShadow7]

Wait, if he has to rappel to get out of the house, how did he get IN the house in the first place!?

[BronzeSoldat]

And a legend is born...

[GhostReconGuy]

Mike Dawson seems to always have a headache.

[shockraid1]

@GhostReconGuy Mike Dawson IS a headache.

[GhostReconGuy]

@shockraid1 Any headache I get from now on I'm going to call it a Mike Dawson.

[Pooky1991]

I've heard this praised as a scary and creepy game, but I haven't seen anything to justify that other than some of the graphicsXD

[HermannRorschach]

Ah, Sweden.. The land of alps, Banks, cuckoo clocks, cheese and HR Giger.

[chosentonessournotes]

Mike Dawson has inspired me to vocally narrate everything that's happening in my life. "This bar is strangely empty and unoccupied. However, the young lady sitting at the other end is quite lovely. She doesn't even seem to notice my staring!"

[littleNorwegians]

@totalhimnox Haha, me too, man. Marathon!

[nyecorp]

Original Mike Dawson, what was your relationship with Rita?

[TimrodDX]

@nyecorp

The real question is, does Original Mike Dawson suck at ring toss as much as Sequel Mike Dawson does?

[Suzaku000]

@TimrodDX

No. He was able to make the shot from California.

[Kolbatsu]

00:42 SUBTLE!!

[DaRkLoRdZoRc]

I can't believe I'm watching this again, but after Darkseed 2, this somehow seems... better.

[a1337turtle]

@SpyWhoLovedHimself I think the same LPer did Darkseed II as well.

[TheToast7]

@a1337turtle No, for Darkseed 1 is was Ironclaw, while Darkseed 2 was done by ADVGamesForever (or something) You can really tell the difference between them, as Ironclaw doesn't always let MikeDawson finish describing the scene before he moves on to a new room.

[Elastikid]

11:22 "Sure is quiet here. You could hear a pin drop."

I see what you did there.

[Zknight7126]

This game has a better time system, better sprite and background blending, better voice acting, less dialogue, more pressure with time, and better animations than Dark Seed 2. How can this be, this looks like it is actually a good game compaired to the 2nd one.

[KawaiiDesuNekoBCSK]

@Zknight7126 Because the real Michael Dawson designed, wrote and modeled for this game.

[SpyWhoLovedHimself]

Long player in Dark Seed 2 sucks so bad:

"HEY LOOK!!! A ROOM!!! LET'S STAND IN IT FOR 10 HOURS DOING NOTHING!!!!... NOW TIME TO RETRACE MY STEPS AND TALK TO EVERY CHARACTER IN THE GAME FOR THE 1000TH TIME!!!! YAY!!!"

[thevisualboy37]

Looks like it was animated in a program designed for making plays, like Opening Night.

[Farron13]

This Retsupurae is filled with useless items from the previous LPer. 

[andophiroxia]

This is sad. I can't watch the longplay of Dark Seed 2. It's not Slowbeef or Diabetus' fault. It's kind of like watching a Let's Play of Daikatana. Those games suck so bad that even if Monty Python did the commentary it couldn't enable me to watch those games from beginning to end.

I really did try too. :(

[MarioGalaxy243g5]

@andophiroxia Watch at least parts of it. The ring toss and darkworld mom will make you laugh for at least a good hour.

[andophiroxia]

@MarioGalaxy243g5 Ok I will try to, just because I love Retsuprae.

[Spartan2Hire]

Wow, this game looks like a masterpiece compared to Dark Seed 2. How is it possible?

[Paratroopa1]

I like how, in the Dark Seed 1 longplay, Mike Dawson is a goddamn adventure game puzzle solving savant, and then in the Dark Seed 2 longplay he stands around in the bathroom and stares at nothing for three minutes and can't figure out how to win at ring toss.

[dethtreex]

Dark Seed 1, did you kill Rita?

[readunderground]

This road seems strangely empty and unoccupied, the perfect place to" murder Rita. Which I didn't do.

-Mike Dawson

[MerelyAFan]

If only these aliens would have thought to include a ring toss as a challenge to Mike Dawson.

They would have have been unstoppable.

[Bashe86]

Mike Dawson in this game is like fucking Charles Bronson compared to his portrayal in the next game god damn

[JanitorAntisocial]

Apparently the symptoms of alien impregnation into the brain is losing familiarity with your own house and an urge to haphazardly wander.

[TheToast7]

@JanitorAntisocial And feeling like your head is going to explode!

[Spacialvekter]

THE BATTERY STILL WORKS!

[TonyBranston]

@Spacialvekter I guess the battery still kinda works...

[thatguy1145]

Why the hell is the house music so fucking creepy? It doesn't fit with how the house looks at all.

[AdvanceSockem]

@thatguy1145 Well to be fair, the house does remind me a dark past or maybe a dark future.

[grottypissedstained]

Mike sounds like George Wood.

[Yamamanama]

Giger's Swiss.

[PKrockin]

Diabeetus knocked it out of the park in this Retsu

[pentfixion]

Another Arise game. Alright, 7/10

[lich109]

@pentfixion People think this is a useless review.

[mangaas]

He sounds like the retard from Gaming in the Clinton Years.

"Lara Croft's breast cancer!"

[Sneep29]

"It's time to walk around the backyard. Mow the grass I guess. That was fun."

[ThundahNord]

From here on, I will narrate my life in this style.

[TehNoun]

I don't know why everyone is laughing. That dog peeing on the fire hydrant was absolutely terrifying!

[Bashe86]

I didn't even realize he was wearing boots at first. GOOD GRAPHIC'S!!!

[Makool]

Did he say swedish artist? If he did I guess many have already said that H.R Gieger is Swiss and not Swedish. It's more a question than a statement tho.

[Algahiem]

You can tell where games like Flash games Santanarium, Horror and Arrival in Hell drew their inspiration from.

[Chamele7n]

What a quaint retsupurae video for day to day laughs.

[aprincessgonewrong]

i love you both! you're videos and commentary is hilarious!

[werebee]

Anyone else bothered by the fact that the ladder is on the left side when he starts climbing, and on the right when he gets to the attic?

[GeneralBolas]

@werebee Yes, that's the only thing wrong with this game ;)

[ek180]

This brings the phrase "mind fuck" to a whole new level.

[shoplifting1is1fun]

So, they give players 3 hours to finish or they die, while the character strolls around casually. That's just annoying.

[DrMarilynFan]

After seeing the house Mike has bought here, I came up with an alternate title for this game: Darkseed or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Short Sale House.

[Anthony3PO]

I like these kind of vids but I wish retsupurae would go back to bashing shitty lets plays on youtube:\

[Omnominable]

Thanks guys. Mushy, sobbing, crybaby breakups seem less horrible when I get to hear Slowbeef's low, smooth voice.

[kdcomics]

looks quiet?

[shu12321]

He won't put on the trenchcoat, but he will rappel down the side of his house?

[abk0100]

2:55

The secret room is even labeled "secret room." That's... very helpful.

[creatorofGandP]

So when will we get a policenauts or, snatcher LongPlay commentary?

[Gilgamesh1317]

@creatorofGandP They already did a video LP of Snatcher, why would they do a longplay of it?

[JodaSFU]

I actually have a C++ introductory book by Mike Dawson. It's not half bad at getting you started with the language, but the game examples he uses do show a lack of creativity and writing skill.

[x1te]

Didn't Slowbeef do an LP of this?

[T3hWaffleman]

@x1te He says he did a minute in. Pay attention.

[randoguy101]

This place is a shambles.

[Zknight7126]

You guys are the only people who can make me live through this shit they call a game.

[MitchZer0II]

Was I the only one who saw this coming before it was posted on blip?

[Dissruptance]

I'm going to be completely fucking honest.

The last video made me laugh literally within seconds of passing out. No clue what made it perhaps top 25 best moments of my life, but it was amazing.

Seriously, you guys deserve a cheery pat on the back, and a caramel apple. Eat it, Diabeetus. For us.

[Pyro25100]

lmao you guys are too much xD

[posthumanfetus]

My grotty piss stained alien embryo...

[razorthecurse]

you know... after having a headache that bad... you think he would have gone to the hospital...

[apanst]

I thought the whole 'americans confusing schweiz and sweden' thing was just a joke europeans made up.

[HarrisonFordJr]

are you sure will harvey didnt have a hand in this?

[Ygdrasel]

I always wanna say Giygas when I say his name. Not a long stretch when you've seen his work.

[Ygdrasel]

And I've referred to a library as a 'venerable repository of knowledge' before...But only while deliberately pissing off a guy that didn't know what the words meant.

[Ygdrasel]

I always wanna say Giygas when I say his name...Not a long stretch when you've seen his work.

[Reigam4]

I like this game

[TheSzlaszdot]

...And on that day, slowbeef learned the difference between Sweden and Switzerland.

[Pillysrule]

Hey Librarian, I've got a spare globe at home that you could have.

[bajsbullen1337]

H.R. Giger is Swiss, not Swedish. I know you dislike being corrected in the comments, but come on Slowbeef, you mess up in every single RP!

[pullahoko]

@bajsbullen1337 Lol great video guys, but seriously Slowbeef 100 H.R. Gigers are not a lot of Swedes.

[AdvanceSockem]

@bajsbullen1337 So 100 yen is not a Swiss triceratops?

[lisvender]

Darkseed, starring Huell Howser

[TonyBranston]

I think I too will start talking to myself and no one else.

[dejablue88]

The best thing about this game is the Library music. It's so catchy!

[pentfixion]

Dead To Realtors

[CasaiAgicap]

"Who has ever referred to a library as a venerable repository of knowledge?"

.../slowly raises hand/

[pockypurse]

That graveyard looks like a BMX rally stage.

[smpletan]

I will be so happy to see a Darkseed 2 rongupurae. I wanna see that dashing Jack call Mike a dumbkopf again.

[RoboJules]

Darkseed 2 is way worse fyi.

[TheLadyNaga]

It all comes full circle.

[JDJeffery]

lol The narrator sounds like that Navgtr guy!

[MidgetDiesel]

Why does he have to narrate everything?

[Judgementxxx]

@MidgetDiesel no idea?

Poor choice, maybe he couldn't getting a voice actor?

[MidgetDiesel]

@Judgementxxx Yeah, but it's not like the people playing the game couldn't read.

[somahiru]

@MidgetDiesel I guess this is a version with voices as slowbeef said. Back then there was some CD version of PC games with voices and other stuff, and a normal one without voiceovers.

[apanst]

How high do you even have to be

[CastlePokemetroid]

@apanst Gonna finish that statement?

[apanst]

@CastlePokemetroid No.

[RoboJules]

I remember the DOS version being much better.

[rickhh1]

@RoboJules It was. Seemed to move faster too. Still frustrating as hell though.

[IsItTheBagel]

"What a quaint general store with a little bit of everything for day to day existence." I wish a place like that existed.

[KaminaDies]

Traumatic and visually conincident rape scene. My house is old, This library is a repository for knowledge, however this town seems unnaturally quiet. Boy my head is killing me, the wooden planks seem to creak alot, Time Passes, Doorbell rings, holding hammer. Aliens dog falls into an abyss, Scotch Powered Alien Craft, Brain Baby Abortion pills, Credits. The End *insert obligatory question here*

[redakdal]

for an adventure title, it is sure has limited areas, you don't seem to go anywhere but to home and the tiny city, even back then, adventure titles like monkey island had you going to more areas then just meele island, but I guess they spent more on graphics then game so

here's your proof my friends

[Joorum]

Went to an H.R. Giger art exhibition last year. Pretty freaky stuff.

[MartianBuddy88]

The complete lack of people in this town makes me think that Darkseed takes place in Centralia, Pennsylvania.

[XH1927]

@MartianBuddy88 Needs moar toxic fumes and sinkholes to be Centralia.

...sometimes I wish I lived there.

[regalgreen]

My Subscriber count and friend list seems strangely empty and unoccupied. My channel seems out of time, a relic of the past, or perhaps a dark future.

[rjakobi]

I remember Slowbeef playing this for Something Awful a while back. Such a noble sacrifice to the Let's Play community.

[Aginor27]

"Well let's just look up a photo of Gi--

HRHGJJDFJHFKFJKFJ JEHWEJKJKEHKWEHJHJWKE JESUS

[Quadraxis14]

Silent Hill 4 makes so much more sense now, Henry Townshend's head always hurt because it was violated by giant alien wang the night prior! So that was the UFO ending all along!

[DorianCairne]

Is it just me, or does EVERY SINGLE ADVENTURE GAME that has ever had gravestones in it seem to feel obliged to put goofy jokes on them? Can't there be, like, one where funerary traditions are taken seriously?

[FunkyHonkyCDXX]

If I had the guts... was that a pun?

[Pooky1991]

OMGXD This is going to be good.

[SQUIZZLER24]

*Puts on hipster glasses*

I watched this longplay before Retsupraue even commented on it. I am SO ahead of the curve all of you are on.

"8/

[ReikoSpazz]

@SQUIZZLER24

Wow, I have to say, you've got some surprising qualities expressed in that one statement.... I don't know if I should applaud your stamina or be down right terrified of it.

[CalBro]

Oh man, you guys should have done this a LONG time ago. If H. R. Giger is involved you BET that there's going to be dicks!

[thevoiceofdogSA]

Didn't slowbeef interview this guy after LPing the Darkseed games? Or am I thinking of another series?

[CSB]

@thevoiceofdogSA He mentions later in the full vid that he tried to interview Mike Dawson. He'll talk about it either in the next part or the one after that.

[EponymousKid]

...and Frank Zappa as Mike Dawson!

[malgrava]

@EponymousKid You wont believe how happy I am to see a Zappa reference in a Youtube comment section.

[hehehe88]

@EponymousKid or larry zonka.

[dejablue88]

Designed, Written, and Acted by the same guy?

So the video game equivalent of Tommy Wiseau

[MadSurge]

This really brings back memories, Slowbeef, since you LPed it all that time ago... Giger did his job with the weird visuals after all, but this game is worse than Sierra's most mean-spirited "fuck you, got to start anew" dickmoves in their games. Really, leave three unintuitive items under the prison pillow?

[BlastedToitles]

I love these adventure game longplay retsupuraes. When you really try to make sense of what he is doing so quickly, they make the protagonist look like a sociopath or a fucking looney.

[pteroid01]

I swear...if there's a banana knife rope puzzle in here somewhere...

[EdMan6623]

With all the ways to make the game unwinnable, this is sort of reminding me of the Elvira games by Horrorsoft.

[pHr33kAcHu]

They didn't add voice acting for the CD version, it's on the floppy version but there isn't as much obviously.

[pHr33kAcHu]

@pHr33kAcHu err.. I can't phrase things for shit. I mean that they added MORE voice overs, but it's not a new feature exclusive to CD.

[RoboMelvana]

"giger suffers from night terrors whatta shocker"

yeah, a bartender pumping mike full of totally-not-semen until he explodes in the sequel is..uh...yeah. it's really not surprising.

[EdmacZ]

*Wakes up*

My new house.

My new grotty piss-stained alien infested house.

[DarkOmegaMK2]

So, what was the score on this game?

....

Oh, i'm sorry, i thought for a second this was on Newgrounds.

[b74k3]

@DarkOmegaMK2 2 to nothing...your move

[piggemz]

in the beginning when diabetus asks if its an autobiography i think slowbeef misheard him as its not a biography

[MellowMink]

Why doesn't he just go to a surgeon? That would easily fix the entire problem.

[handsomebrick]

This town seems unnaturally quiet, the only sound I hear is the weird fetus banging on my skull from the inside.

[laharlxyz]

The little drop of alien seed dripping from his head vagina was a bit much

[rickhh1]

This is the first long play retsupurae that I have played before.

[GTAfan421]

@rickhh1 The only games that theyve done that Ive played are Last Alert, and this. So we're just about in the same spot. This RP doesnt make me want to play the game again that much though...

[DorianCairne]

@rickhh1 Was it as boring as it looks?

[rickhh1]

@DorianCairne - Well, let me put it this way.. playing the game gave me a headache.

[RingLight1]

*Leaves Secret Room through secret door*

*Closes door*

*Turns around and opens it again*

"There's a secret door here!"

[mattr75]

Now, I wonder if they will do a longplay of Golgo 13?

[PuppetMasterIX]

5:30

"This place is a shambles."

"is a shambles."

"a shambles."

[MattHubris]

This game is like the predecessor of the Trapped games.

I mean, how are you supposed to know about half of the things you're supposed to do without a walkthrough or playing through the game a million times?

[Votiguy]

Oh god damn it, slowbeef said 'doos ex' instead of 'deus ex' at the end. DAMN IT, SLOWBEEF. FIRST MARIO, THEN STEGOSAURUSES, AND NOW THIS!?

[KnightOf96Light]

@Votiguy

Mario?

[Votiguy]

@KnightOf96Light He pronunces 'Mario' wonkily.

[KnightOf96Light]

@Votiguy

No. He doesn't. That's just the way he says it. You've really never heard anyone else say it that way? They both are correct, it just depends.

And you're really going to make fun of someone on the way they pronunciate?

[SapphireDragonDX]

@Votiguy Don't forget "Sniper's Rifle" and how he failed to realise that 100 yen is not a lot of money. Oh Slowbeef; we still love you, though.