Death By Preciousness

[jonship]

All those who overcook steak must die. By cooking.

[thramagen]

"I want to eat sugary treats for breakfast each day!" omfg i almost sprayed orange juice out my nose.

[thramagen]

you dont like vegans huh

[mooxim]

lol one of your better ones.

[Fuliginosus]

Ew--wet food! Not for me, thank you.

[AudacityOfGrey]

"when this news broke over me like a wave of unsually toxic sewage"

LOL

[p717]

My suggestion as an alternative to post birth abortions: Send your kids to America. The population is insanely armed and operates other dangerous equipment that they barely meet the IQ requirements to. We have religious rite nutters writing POPULAR books about family values..stressing things like a boy should shower with his father...that way he'll be able to see "Who the man is" (no joke).

[myownfreeworld]

And I landed in the fireplace :D

[WillyWonkaIsSatanic]

ahhh mr bedlam, we cant kill children because they can evolve, theres still time for them to become not-a-cunt. the problem here; i think, is that we cant kill parents. so when you see a child thats being a cunt, remember, youre a cunt too, forgive him.

[billybadbrakes]

One day when I was a young-un i was going down hill very fast on my bike and I pulled the brakes just a bit too hard!! I went arse over tit and ended up on my face on the unforgiving concrete! On returning home, I told dad the story thro the blood and occasional sniffs! Dad, bless him, uttered these never to be forgotten words, "don't worry son, it could have been worse! ....that could have been me!!!"

[848094c]

u never met him he was your older brother and i killed him lolololol

[Clobberbob55]

Unfortunately, I've never heard anyone say, "Life is fair."

[Xakryn]

Does this mean there is also an only wet food diet? He must honestly shit bricks. Doesn't water get filtered out in the large intestine. I wish I could come up with something witty in this situation, but I must get back to meal preparation. I only eat things that are purple and lean to the left.

[powersmine]

Wait shawn... you may have misunderstood.. The boy would only eat dry food... Dry Dog Food that is!!

[faen5863]

And I landed in the fireplace!

[P00P0STER0US]

Hehe, needed to see this again. It really needs worldwide exposure. But alas, life is not fair, and the people who need to watch this the most wouldn't have the ability to perceive that it was meant for them. My fussy eating involved gagging on cereal that had gone completely soggy. Once I was gagging, my mom said it was ok to stop trying to eat it. Incredibly, this is something I never faked.

[Elaina43]

I want to throw my considerable weight behind the notion of manly childhoods for all kids - codling be damned - into the fireplace with all of them!

[burnanator55]

What kind of sickly twisted world do we live in where a child can make decisions in ignorance yet a chef can't use the tools with which he was trained.

Diisssgusting

[aproxxy]

from the mouths of babes....

.....often comes a lot of bullshit that should be immediately met & squashed by the parental units

[PeaceProfit]

Over 25,000 children die every day around the world.

That is equivalent to:

1 child dying every 3.5 seconds

17-18 children dying every minute

A 2004 Asian Tsunami occurring almost every 1.5 weeks

An Iraq-scale death toll every 1638 days

Over 9 million children dying every year

Some 70 million children dying between 2000 and 2007

Seems We*Are doing a very effective job of terminating childhood potential...

C.H.A.O.S.

[jeddy000]

Yet there are 4 babies born every second.

That's 10 million a month.

[PeaceProfit]

yes*indeed, acceptable loss ratio, all depends upon ones objectives and how We*Choose to meet the desired outcome, these are the results of our current choices...

and so we continue, lessor for what we have been & are, yet greater in the knowing of what we could possibly be...

;(

[analiasahotmail]

buzzkill

[PeaceProfit]

No*Shit, reality often is ;(

[TUSENMAUG]

i think that certain people should have their testicles and/or uterus removed after being an asshole/fuckface/dumbass 5 times in one day.

just a thought.

[mikma]

MIKMA WAS HERE

[oneiros666]

Awesome!

"Why can't we kill children? It's so unfair!"

[AudibleOpinion]

Is crack cocaine when its snorted from a plumbers butt?

[dkittv]

Completely agree!

No wait, not completely... killing children might sometimes be harsh but... uh... what I meant to say was:

Let's all do some crack cocaine round the campfire!

[Gimmeaflakeman]

Do they only dry hump as well?

Love the thumbnail.

[iDrooly]

Sean do you think its possible to pass a law to where you'll need a license to breed. Say you have to pass an IQ test and take the necessary tests/training to raise a child. If it won't prevent stupid people from multiplying it will at least cut down the numbers.

No one is born stupid, Only mentally challenged.

[seanbedlam]

It's a basic human right to inflict nasty versions of yourself on your long-suffering neighbors.

[Negatif666]

@seanbedlam Damn, right!

[P00P0STER0US]

Humanity is dying, in spite of your best efforts. I'm sorry.

[seanbedlam]

Thanks Tony Robbins! :)

[wrinkles1931]

Excellent....I'm going to kill myself...I promise to eat a medium rare steak (12 oz) once a week, drink a six pack of beer and smoke a cigar every weekend.....and maybe even eat bacon and eggs too....let the little fat fuckers eat thier dry food and play video games....haha

[seanbedlam]

Eating pleasure doesn't get more black and white.

[seanbedlam]

Dry food person arrives at the scene of the crime. "Dry food person! Can you help us? What's that? Huh? No saliva? You want a glass of water? Oh! There we go, the robbers have escaped with the loot! Thanks a bunch, post-modern bitch superhero!" Dry food person

flies off to find some corn chips.

[cosmicskydaddy]

The dry food diet reminds me of the film Soylent Green,my favorite line from the film is,"It's people. Soylent Green is made out of people. They're making our food out of people. Next thing they'll be breeding us like cattle for food. You've gotta tell them. You've gotta tell them!"

[ofpfury]

quite unlike WCFields' reasoning who didn't drink water because...

fish fuck in it

[cpsharifi]

If anything we could learn from this boy, in this time of economic recession we should be more choosy about what we consume or purchase.

[seanbedlam]

Cultivating random pet hates for a nicer future.

[MrPainfullytrue]

I agree

[DJNomik]

amazing, simply amazing! i feel as if the video is "retro" sean and it not a bad thing! keep up the awesome work!

[seanbedlam]

I wasted a bloody year- or two- making videos inside the house. I need to be outside with the birdshit and lurking park men.

[brokennarcissist]

Meh, I didn't start eating sugary breakfast cereals until my early twenties and the day still looks the same.

[seanbedlam]

Are we talking about sugar or "sugar"?

[merlin4012]

I enjoyed this vid over a steaming bowl of beans drowned in sopping wet salsa. Now for dead child steak tartar. What kind of wine goes with that?

[seanbedlam]

The whining of a starving child helps my appetite.

[Dazakai]

One of the best executed of your vid's dude... hilarious ;D

[drphem]

Poor man i hope the fire place wasn't alight

[seanbedlam]

It was not. I think. But that's nothing. Grandma's next door neighbor backed the car over their youngest one's head. The only brain damage was he seemed to happier afterwards.

[ProfMTH]

LOL!!!

[cosmicskydaddy]

My dog would not eat wet dog food (mostly consisting of cow,chicken,fish arseholes and eyeballs) ,so.. I starved his little canine ass, now he eats about anything. If it works on a dog, it will work on a kid.I say starve the little bastards and they will come around.

[seanbedlam]

Once their little bellies are bloated, they've got that blank stare, and flies are buzzing around their lips, they'll behave. Sure, they'll tend to hoard food from there on in, but that's budgeting, in a way, so skills being learned too!

[analiasahotmail]

Thanks for the chuckles. Who needs therapy when you can unload on total strangers.

=)

[diogeneslaertius666]

saliva makes all food wet food

[DHtrousers]

You are a poet. Think about that.

[DeathlyCrunch]

Funniest thing I've seen in ages, nicely done.

[ty73us]

Ah, the good old days when mom would ask you if you thought she was a G-D short order cook. Mom tells YOU what's for dinner and you eat it and STFU. That goes for Dad, too.

[analiasahotmail]

ah, the good old days when the food was all gone before you got to the table because you were run down by a pack of teenage boys and left for dead at the bottom of the staircase and Mom tells you to have a bowl of cereal except there isn't any milk and all that's left in the cupboard is stale generic Rice Krispies because your four brothers ate everything else, but your spoiled younger step-brother gets a McDonald's Happy Meal and you cry and Dad tells you to shut up or get out.

=)

[downhill240]

"Give birth to saliva bubbles of joy"!? That is the greatset one-liner I've heard in a long time! LOL

[8blkcat]

Why can't we kill children? It's so unfair!

Why stop @ children? It's so unfair!

[seanbedlam]

Let's keep it realistic. Adults can fight back.

[8blkcat]

That is why stealth (sneaking up from behind) is so imperative.

[dunskie]

Does salad qualify as wet?

Lettuce?

Retards. All retards.

-My first memory of my dad is him screaming at a 3 year old me, telling me to hit someone with a brick if they try to hurt me.Then he told me to get the fuck out there and play.

Ahh the good ol days.

[seanbedlam]

It's a great time to be a girl.

[citruspinman]

This kind of sums up vegans for me too.

[smurfieboo]

wtf is dry food? do you mean raw food?

[seanbedlam]

Dry. So if the kid in this story is given pasta, he will scrape off the pasta sauce. It hurts to know this.

[xyxaxsoon]

freaking hilarious and scarey

and sadly true

[flaze3]

That's western decadence for you...

[MoRgUe27]

wet food? dry food? wtf sounds like were talking about dogs here

i like food, just food.....i dont give a shit about wet or dry, all i give a shit about is if it tastes good or not

and even then sometimes im not even that picky about it lol

om nom nom

[iamjackscolin]

...you should kill yourself

awesome

[RobTheGamer]

Wet food. Oh fuck. That's ridiculous. Keep up the excellent social commentary Sean.

[SauronsEye]

Hmmm, mate is now a parent, Beadlam has dropped down the pecking order in his mate's life and just by chance he wants infantcide to be made fair.

No coincidence what so ever..

[kkirT]

Sauron underestimating small creatures, surprise!

[imjustagirl776]

Fabulously random and funny. There was a study done recently on rats. One lot was given soft food and the other lot was given crunchy food. The lot given soft food was fatter. Interesting random factoid for you today.

[gabrielized]

This giggling momster should eat nothing but wet food, just to counterbalance. NO CRACKERS FOR YOU! unless you put them in food. Oh. OK.

[Rudenewt]

Dry food is caused by Global Warming.

[virvar111]

This guy is the most underrated guy I've seen on youtube. Love him!

[Tilaron]

I wouldn't mind trying some dry ice cream, but not eating any 'wet' food? Jeez.

[ROBwithaB]

Actually, the real son disappeared in 1998, abducted by a psychpathic chef and used in the production of a large pot of (rather watery, if I say so myself) "pork" stew for a new-age bar mitzvah celebration..

The "boy" in question is in fact a Shetland pony.

There is nothing wrong with the lady's parenting skills. She just needs to have her eyesight checked.

(Those who have seen the "Missing Pet" posters are too polite to say anything.)

[stonefisk]

Thanks for the tip off about that great new dry food diet.

Breakfast: Toast

Snack: Packets of Crisps (Potato chips or wtf you call em in aussieland?)

Lunch: Bagels and baked potato.

Snack: Oatmeal biscuit

Dinner: Beef jerky and Rye, washed down with a pint of strawberry flavoured sand.

[damosapian]

yeah its turnin or has turned into a "wrap urself in bubblerap world incase life might happen too u" and if the tv cant tell u how to live ur life and rear ur kids then maybe the doctor might have sum pills to help u forget ur a tool. thank god i got many a slap when i was a kid, and if i didnt like what was on the table id soon learn to like it or starve. maybe the fluroide has got to mammys nd daddys of this era shean, or maybe there just fukin stupid

[marniespeaks]

I was going to say this.. nah, nevermind.

[mooxim]

damn your hypnotic infallible logic.

Sean you could probably convince me there's a God if you wanted.

[jogayot]

h2o is very dangarous. i heard it's highly explosive. and mixing some other C and N stuff into it may lead to life! just imagine... sentient beings!

[DVincentW]

My children arent precious, they're psychotic.

[analiasahotmail]

You made them that way.

=)

[StylidiumLane]

Children should be seen & not heard!

[DVincentW]

Or heard , and not seen.

[WeLoveAlexJones]

just got back from being banned

5 stars bro lol

[Yahwehlovesme]

"What are you doing inside?" Brilliant Sean! SO true.

[Rowdyeh]

I supppse the kid drinks dry ginger ale and old dry whisky to keep his fluids up, just chuck him a bowl of dogfood, it's pretty much got everything in it and it's fucking dry..

[meavid]

And what's the deal with vegemite?

[2bsirius]

This was a very dry topic

[sunsetlover]

great video, very interesting....

[AudibleOpinion]

VOTE YES IN THE SENATE FOR THE RETROACTIVE ABORTION ACT (AKA:Sean's bill)

[jx14aby]

I want to be a co-sponsor!

[analiasahotmail]

I wish I could travel back in time and abort myself by wrapping my umbilical cord around my own neck....

=)

Of course, in the future, aborting one's self would be illegal.

[wolffenhaus]

witness the wonders oh my childless intranet fellows of the glories that are 21st century child abuse. witness Wolffenhaus and learn. (yes there will be a test  on this)

[btbking]

Children are high in fibre, I would recommend them to anyone. Just remember, stupid people are out-breeding smart people.

[Rowdyeh]

That's a scary thought but then you need stupid people to keep the military machine going, dont see too many really smart people joining the military unless of course they're rich, then they get to play boss and send the rest to their deaths. Stupid meat anyone?

[btbking]

This man speaks the fookin troof.

[gilligan07734]

i worked with a guy that never had any kind of pie and never had a penut butter and jelly sandwich.

not sure about you guys down under but where im from pb&j was almost mandatory food

[whiteshadow0110]

well for your information i love food served with my butter and of course it takes like pure excellence.

[DJAngelusZero]

I require 65% moisture in all my food, anything more or less and I send it back. Its kinda hard to measure though.. most of the time I just don't eat. Its a wonderful weight loss program.

[NoremacStreborable]

It's the crunchy food that puts my teeth to shame. So crunchy food can get fucked! But don't you remember when you were a child sean? Imagine being attacked in that certain point in time.

[tyrbolo]

Why aren't you inside ??

Thy art is improving with every video.

as a grownup that one will be putting vodka on

cornflakes for a dry breakfast

[seanbedlam]

Working inside was a mistakey-poo.

[DonF72]

Waiter! My soup is wet, take it back.

[angryislander56]

This reminds me of a customer who tried to eat his

escargot shells. The waiter brought the crushed

shells back to the kitchen and said; Chef , your

escargot shells are too tough. And bought the

retarded (mouth bleeding) fool a bottle of wine

without telling him the shells are not edible.

[captainfury2007]

Sean, I watched this 3 times. Each time I had to pause to alow myself to stop laughing so I wouldn't miss anything. You are possibly my favorite comedian.

[seanbedlam]

Laughing? You laugh at my anguish? My. God.

[MustafaPresents]

Yes, waiter, I'll have the baked husk---then for dessert I'd like a bowl of set concrete, please.

[Sophiestkated2]

Yep..., one of the reasons not to have kids! ROFLMAthO!

[JaktheAtheist]

A man's childhood lmao

[RealArcalian]

Wet food vs dry food? Sounds like someone discussing what their CAT eats.

Chefs generally regard the public as the enemy. Read one of the books Anthony Bourdain wrote, I mean the ones he wrote before he became a cable show host fuck. Enlightening. Especially Kitchen Confidential. As a former dishwasher, you'll be able to relate. As a former dishwasher myself, I certainly did.

[seanbedlam]

Anytime a Public treats a chef as a vending machine, that Public loses the right to a snot free meal.

[angryislander56]

This is without doubt my fav comment of all time!

We carry a cross. A vegan, lactose intolerant,

no wheat, organic, locavore, cross. There is an

entire generation eating nothing but noodles. The

dry food is new to me. Please say it is a joke.please

[raultalbot7]

Funny stuff!

[BonesTheCat]

Mate, a fella I talk to occasionally was saying how his two <10 year olds locked themselves in the bathroom and took the door handle off so he couldn't get in....

Guess what he did...

Called a locksmith.

Man, situations like that I'd need to call a carpenter to reattach the door to the house.

[seanbedlam]

You mean he chose to deprive his two lovely boys of the experience of door-kicking-in manliness? That's child abuse.

[seanbedlam]

I suppose the important thing is to provide children with the comfortable childhood experience.

[analiasahotmail]

Children become much more interesting adults when they have witnessed at least few moments of mind-numbing fear.

Just think how boring life would be if we'd had stable, comfortable and peaceful childhoods?

The nightmares alone are just SO interesting! The random bouts of paranoia and inappropriate episodes of intense unexplainable fear are also quite AWESOME!

Thanks for the laughs.

=)

[analiasahotmail]

My brother locked himself in the bathroom and jammed the lock so Dad couldn't get in.

But that was only because the night before my dad handcuffed him to the metal pole in the basement and beat him with a pool stick for skipping school.

He also called a locksmith to get in, but only because he didn't want to damage the door.

Some Dads are just silly that way. They're okay with breaking their children, but breaking the house is taboo!

=)

[BonesTheCat]

@analiasahotmail

That's a job for child services, not a lock smith.

[achampag]

you are evil and must be destroyed. j/k =)

[seanbedlam]

SHUTUPZ VOOICE IN MY HEAD!

[wolffenhaus]

I need a bowl of cereal.

[seanbedlam]

You need a bowl of space ice cream! Ever wanted to experience the majesty of space flight by simply eating ice cream? Space ice cream is for you!

[moddit]

Who wants freeze dried ice cream? Not me, that's for the astronauts. Enlightening... hehe.

[seanbedlam]

In space no-one can hear you eating space ice cream.