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From: grishno
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  • I just got the memo that I got in this video. I feel honored.

  • Hi name josh but dont call me that I wish to be a female name kate cleer I have a feu qustions to ask and git suport from my transgender story

  • My dad was not so accepting of me. I have to accept that he is who he is and I cannot have a relationship with him. Just because I was born into his family does not mean I have to claim that any more.

  • you didnt die, you were reborn....

  • I like the name Chris for a girl...:P

  • it must be so hard....im lucky and blessed to have a father and a sister that accept me even if the rest of my family doesnt.

  • Think ur great and ignore any stupid people they are only miserable and resent the fact that ur an inspiration and ur living life they way one should.. they way u want, doing wat makes u happy. Keep going and stay as strong as u r :)

  • Think ur very brave and hang in there. Im not trans but ur very inspirational to people out there in ur situation. Im sure u do already but ignore the stupid people cause the only reason y they do it is because their miserable in their own lives and resent the fact that ur GREAT and happy living true to urself

  • i r ...

  • fuck them girll.... the only person to judge u is god... ok...!!! god god god... noone else...!!! im catholic soo yea... im really faithfull in god and we do not believe homosexual trangenders or wutever are evil .... we believe that is yourlife and and god is the only one to judge you....

  • i would be so proud to have a sister like you. i have an older brother but i don´t have any sisters. so sorry to hear your family is too wrapped into their religion to take in you as well as you are. i don´t know why but i started crying when i heard you talking about this, i think because family to me is family and you love them for who they are and not for what you want them to be. your bravery make so much different, for so many people.

  • if i had you in my family, id be proud!!!

    just in the same way o am not to confortable about having religious fanatics as relatives.

    the world is changing and im sure sooner or later people will see who you really are and they will all love you and consider you a hero!!!!

  • i'm loving your documentary right now... it is very moving and i have a lot of thoughts about it that i'm sure i will eventually gather these thoughts, but i have to be shallow and say that you look a lot like winona ryder! soooooooo sweet!

  • really just to let you know who i am, i have to take this moment to tell ya, if any of us (six kids) had ever reacted to take a little one out when my dad was in a rage, someone wouldn't've made it to adulthood. only saying to let you know, this violence has impacted so many of us. i know the point of your story is about being the older brother instead of sister, but your reaction would've been the same had you been older sister all along! you've handled telling this story beautifully.

  • With fundamental religion, East & West, everything is either black or white, no grey areas. Life isn't like that though...dogma has no control over chromasomes. Religion is supposed to spread love but love is actually uncondtional acceptance. No human should act as judge. Live & let live.

  • you are a really perfect human did u know that??! u're so pretty as a woman and also really handsome at the same time as a man. u should really enjoy ur life.^_^

  • My family makes me feel like I can't do anything right... They would kill me...

  • Hey Erin. Thanks for your videos, they're inspirational!! I hope things get better with your familiy xox

  • @joeyw232 Being Transgendered isn't an embarrassment, it's a miracle. Because for someone to have that courage, to be who they finally wanted to be, is a rarity that doesn't happen very often because of the likes of people like you. Do YOU feel selfish, for standing in the way of a more comfortable, better life for many people, with your ignorance? But whatever your answer, that's ok, because if that thought never crossed your mind, then I'm done talking to you.

  • @joeyw232

    Imagine waking up tomorrow and having your body be of the opposite sex.

    I highly doubt you would be spouting the same disgusting bigotry.

  • I loved the sincerity of the video. I 'm a girl too Keep going!!

  • religion sucks, its your family's loss if they don't accept you. I know it's challenging tto be yourself but be happy

  • oh and i'm a transexual.

  • If it helps I support you.

  • Hay im 15 too shino and i plan to keep it a secret that i want a transition, tell im 18.

    If my family does not except me, than in my opinion they never really loved my.

  • Please email me on youtube with some tips of Transgneder polices for High school youth . like bathrooms and what not.

  • :( look at this vid. and look at you know! Ur a Strong Girl! LGBT PRIDE !! Congrats on all thinks and spred ur wings and fly. look at this and the pain and say gosh look at this and look at me now. I am a strong beutlirful girl. srry I am 15 lol I cant type for my life. from your freindly queer teen who doesnt lalbe there gender nor sexuality :D if u must lable me pansexual and genderqueer. byes

  • Comment removed

  • You know, as a single person I learned to make my own family and community. Its hard sometimes to leave behind the ones we shared so much with, when we have learned so much. But you can only accept their decision and go on. I am not saying that its easy.

  • what is the song at 2.12 when u write the note?

  • alkaline trio- crawl

  • whoa i mean alkaline trio- radio

  • thanks!

  • Comment removed

  • omg i cried :'(

  • Hey so we (my girlfriend and I) stumbled upon your video accidently and we think it's great that you're following your heart. Just know that, despite that negative comment below, there are people out there who support you. :)

    Great documentary so far. Good luck with everything! :D

  • u need help. I hope you end up with a TRANS child one day, remeber me on this one!

  • i actually cried with you =[

  • (...least we know who manages the checkbook in the family...)

  • we have separate accounts, actually.

    guess you suck at trying to peg people.

  • oh well.

    i'm late to get ready to go help her prepare her classroom for the new year.....

    thanks for playing my little game.

    good luck on your novel. a life in books suits you.

  • What has your wife taught you??---much?

  • oh wow -zinger!

    you know, as you begin to decompensate, you become more childish, and your inner rage more clear.

    (your buttons are showing!)

    sorry bro. you're just an easy mark, and a big fat ego is a target i can not resist.

    never fails that what lies behind it is unsavory....

  • I simply can't believe someone compos mentis would marry you.....Or for that matter...NON-!

  • again - you don't know much about your fellow human you haven't gleaned from books, i suppose.

    my wife is a fantastic, successful, compassionate human being. teacher of children with severe disabilities, and one of the betters in her field....

    i know. doesn't compute for you.

    you're limited like that.

  • A callow teen mind can scarce be expected to cogitate the genetic phenomenology of gender dysphoria or any of the attendant karyotypic esoterica that's required to fathom what you're enduring.Understanding requires patience,an open-mind,and research galore.Take heart.

  • good lord you are enamored with the sound of your own voice.

    excuse me while a vomit....

  • Not nearly and manifestly as you are envious of it.Open a book...give your index finger a break,I've seen it all before.

  • you are not only grandiose, but ridiculous. people who think reproducing a thesaurus constitutes good writing, are silly. and like yourself, generally, poor writers. there's more to clear communication than showcasing your vocabulary.

    and as for how much I read, or my level of education, suffice to say you vastly underestimate me.

    and in kind, overestimate your own intellect.

    as you say, I've seen it all before. you don't impress.

  • And yet,who's following who about like some hapless urchin?

  • helpless urchin? again, you display a beautified though ultimately hobbles thought process.

    I'm just killing some time, waiting for my wife to come home, so i can help her do some work.

    what you call following, I call entertainment.

  • I'm sorry,I don't believe you there.

  • i'm sure you don't. but who gives a shit? just take it for what it is. you aren't that dang special - just that you think you are makes you ridiculous.

  • Got to be strong, you've come a long way and you're living as you want to live, not as society demands you to live.

    Living a lie is highly damaging and painful, it's better to just be you and you're doing that.

  • everything will be okay! your doing Great! iam so proud of you erin i support u in what u have done. i hope to be like u by the time iam 30 years old. from;stephen

  • ur the kindess sweetest person ever u have a new sister if u want one. I can not replace ur sister but u have a new one if u want one. Helen aguilar i live in morgan hill, ca

  • Hey! I'm trans too (MTF) and i've not started yet but when you were talking about your sisters and how you're not the older borhter anymore made me really sad! :( I have been fortunate with my family but your story has just touched my heart and i send loving thoughts to you and hope that they will learn to accept you for the person you are. You've been an inspiration to me - along with many other girls and boys - and you are one of my role models on here! :) Thanks for everything xxx

  • Instant Fav!

  • Male: Body

    Soul: Lesbian (woman vs.woman)

    Then it dosent make sence that pepole comment like´ SO why didnt you just carri on being a male since you wana be with a woman´. Comm on??

    Think people´ use ur brain 4 ones´ how about that.

    Erin, dont let NOBODY try to tell you WHO YOU ARE.Your the only one that knows it the best´ trust that..this is your life ;o)

    Peace out from Iceland :)(we have more and more transexuals coming out here)

    YOU ARE BEUTIFULL from inside n outside

  • Though this guys story is real, I recommend picking up The L Word tv series. It has a girl who starts out in the beginning of her transition into a guy. It shows the struggles envolved and kinda raised the question in my head "What is the RIGHT body". This character is incredibly sweet and kind, I just feel she's confused and her upbringing probably didn't help her self esteem.

  • Are you suggesting that people get their information on what transgender is from a TV show as apposed to someone who actually lives it on a day to day basis?

  • Usually a character in a show is based off of many cases especially to not stereotype. It's pretty clear what it is but on a show you'll actually get to see interpretations off everyday life which is impossible unless you live with a tranny. It's strange how you didn't bring up the rest of my comment.

  • Because the rest of your comment was ignorant and offensive. First off, I'm a girl, refer to me as such. Secondly, you've seen how many videos of mine and feel that you now know me well enough to judge my childhood and how it affected my self esteem? That's awfully presumptuous of you don't you think?

  • for some reason i know im being random and stupid but you look like a LESBIAN!.. hahah...im not insulting but . yeah it does! and theres nothing wrong with that..

  • *HUGZ YOU* i understand your pain ..... I know how you feel i have been throe the same

  • this made me cry

  • OMG, where to begin...

    ...first of all I want to congratulate you Erin for being as brave and strong as you are. I have been following your videos, or should I say story, for quite some time now and this 6 part documental is the best video job you have done. Of course it is better from a serious and explanatory point of view, the other videos are equally good as they are personal.

  • Second, and after finding about the post limit the hard way, I find these "Religion" comments quite laughable: What has God has anything to do with anything, we are God's creation and being the way we are is our responsabilty. In other words God has never asked us to be unhappy, and this goes along way as to remain poor or fat or dumb, it is our right and obligation to better ourselves, even to go where we feel better. We are all human beings, and even if my beliefs are as strong I have no doubt

  • Nlatros: I guess things are sometimes more complex than your small brain can comprehend.

  • that's too bad friend

  • i think your family feels the way it feels because they don't understand maybe they have questions that remain unanswered . i think you could email them some links with info on what it is your doing explain why your doing it .

    i have been tru hard times and the way we as a family held together is tru communication . without communication there is no understanding .

    religion is an obstacle in your case but i believe if those people truly hold you dear it will not be as much as an issue.

  • I feel your pain., the way you're hurt. Family is the root but sometimes it gives pain and agony. Everyone of us knows it. Every child knows this because everyone went through some trouble. Gender is not defined by family because it is defined by sex. If one feels the opposite sex/gender, others may not (or will not) change the view of you. Try your best to go through this but don't go against the current because its hard and may hurt you more than you currently are going thru. Keep your head up

  • What's the difference between transgender and transexual?

  • Comment removed

  • To some people there is no difference, really. The words are sometimes synonymous. I personally agree that these terms are synonymous, and particularly prefer "transgender" over "transsexual".

    To others, "transsexual" means that surgery has taken place; while "transgender" is usually someone who has not had surgery, but assumes the gender they identify with, rather than the gender they were physically born with.

    Do not make further assumptions, though, based on the terminology used.

  • Generally, Transgender can refer to any behavior outside the gender binary. A bit of an "umbrella term".

    Transsexual refers to somebody who is born with a gender that doesn't match physical sex.

    As opposed to Transvestite, which is a different kind of transgendered person, who simply dresses outside the gender 'norm'.

  • i definatly empathize with what your feeling....i have to tell my brother that i'm transitioning to male. he's 29 and i know he loves me but can be kind of closed minded so i'm terrified.

  • So Many beautiful people!

  • Dear 'hateuglyts', if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything !

  • Stay strong and stay focused because you did not ask to be TG/TS, you are who you are and its the rest of the world that has to play catchup.

    That's the way I approach it.

    Good Luck and I will subscribe to your channels when I get through with video 5

  • Now they have not seen me in person in about that same time frame but I have sent some pics of me dressed the way I feel comfortable. Last I heard a few months back was that my mom has not mentioned them to anyone.

  • I don't want you to feel down on yourself. Dealing with family can be extremely difficult but this is your choice not theres.

    My parents and siblings still call me by my biological name and its been close to 3 years that they have known.

  • I know how you feel, My parents and all my realies are strong Christians.. And when my sister found out she does not like it at all..None of my family accept my choice to become a female.. I am only 24 also..I wish I could say stay strong but I find it so hard.

  • yeah thats rough but maybe you can turn your sisters onto the supporting mormons. They are out there. Really though I just wanted to tell you that I liked your necklace.

  • thank you for sharing all that you do. stay strong. i think youre so beautiful inside and out. and youre helping so many people understand so much they never would without you.

    youre an inspiration.

  • :'(

  • Yes - things will change for the better. Maybe not today or tomorrow but as your sisters mature they'll see life from the other side of the fence and your family will unite again.

  • Erin, you are a very strong woman......PEACE

  • you are so awesome, you have guts for sharing your story with the world

  • Transgenderism and religion might not be the best match but things are going in the right direction!

    Anyone remember 'Dana International'?

    Not only did she win Eurovision song contest (ESC) in the extremely religious state of Israel of all countries but she won the whole contest in all Europe probably making her the most famous transsexual ever.

    The year was 1998 and the song name was Diva there are alot of videos with her here on youtube.

  • I think that religious families have the worst time accepting transgenderism because they think that you have abandoned your upbringing. They just can't see how you could still believe in religion and be trans at the same time. I think that all that you can do is to tell them that you love them and that you prayed to God about what you should do and this was your choice. You believe that God had some part in your choice. Give them some time to let it soak in.

    Just my thoughts about it.

  • I remember, when I befriended a trans girl online, that she recommended a book which explained about what it is to be TG. How it's not the same as the girls in tranny porn, or drag queens or TVs. It was very enlightening. Ever since, I have seen clearly that sexual self-identity is independent of sexual preference.

    AFAIK, the bible doesn't speak of true TG at all.

    Anyway, I'm sure you have already, but in case you haven't, maybe you could request that your family read such a book.

  • Erin!

    You are a true hero.

    Best wishes to you and your girlfriend yes she is a hero too

    Keep up the good work

  • Sexuality is a sort-of taboo in religious families. Likewise, so is transgenderism. It goes against the holy book; so it cannot possibly be right. Its a hard thing for the religious to grasp.

    Hang in there Erin, things will get better for you soon. Remember to smile!!!

  • Funny thing is, Transgenderism and the bible don't exactly clash. The bible talks about the unics and people like that but never condems them... in fact, jesus spends a lot of time with them. But then again, jesus spent a lot of time with whores and diseased people... that guys was crazy! =P

  • {{{{{{BIG HUGS!!!!}}}}}

    I'm dealing with the same thing from my family.

    Stay Strong Erin, you are an inspiration to me, and so many others!!

    Tori

  • in my case, im the older brother )or i used to haha)...well, here over latinamerica, The traditions and the religion in my family are so established that topics like ... well...my transition, it something really hard to focus and deal...but well, things like you videoblog really make to stay firm and make everything possible

    greetings! love youuuu XD

  • Erin I wrote this huge wonderful post to you but, I said to much and it was to long. I am straight but, your the one I turn to for my insipration. I wish I could tell you how bad it got and how far I have come becuz of you. Thank you girl

  • Living the life from a man to woman must be hard. i can't even imagine.

  • Erin, I am so moved and I am so supportive of you! I am in my 50's and never took the steps and did what my heart knew I was to do and I have been living a life of depression and sadness! I am on my second marriage and my current wife knows my desires and would be very supportive but is fearful of what would happen with my friends, family and work! I salute you and admire you and I think your lovely and will be happy as I would never be able to be! I send my love!

  • I know we're only seeing the middle of the story, but it's still heartwrenching to watch. You were always the protective older sibling, and I hope they finally understood that. If you actually were their older brother you probably would have tormented them. Not judging - but that's what brothers do. They don't yet appreciate how lucky they were - and are.

  • Erin,

    This really, really touched me. I'm so sorry things went the way they did... you're so incredibly articulate - I envy the way you can so easily express yourself on camera.

    <3.

  • oh erin... although I'm not trans, i'm gay and I can sympathize, although I think the trans struggle is so much more difficult. I think that if i knew one other out person at my high school, I could come out too; So, I think that you inspire people. All we need sometimes is an 'it's okay'.

  • sweety! *hugz*

  • I was told when I was a teenager never to come around again if I was found out and came out. For me Erin I couldnt face it. The hate for us back then was all there was. There was nowhere to go no one to go to, hence the stonewall incident. You have more courage Erin then you know.

  • Erin you did one of the hardest things in the world to do, to do this knowing that your family will never want to see you again. When I was your age I could not bring myself to do it. Things were different in the 70's. It was all or nothing. It still is today but there are more opportunities today then there were back then. That's because of the people like you who did it. To my family I would be dead no if ands and buts about it.

  • your a incredibly strong willed woman. you dont deserve to feel that pain. your to good of a person.

  • Great Video Hun xXx I think ur an Incredible person...and I hope everything with your family eventually wrks out for the best for you and them also hun xXx take care and god bless xXx

  • Erin, I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. However, I do know that your inside's don't change because your outside does. You are still the same person that looked after and loved your sister's. And you're heart, mind, and soul are still the same. All you did was change the appearance of the shell and you are a better person for having done that. Because you are happy. Anyway, you are a beautiful person inside and out and I hope you're visit home goes well.

  • This just broke my heart. You seem like such a sweet person and I could just hear the hurt in your voice. Really the only thing that I was to say is:

    You are beautiful. :)

  • very touching video. I know how it feels to be alienated from family, it's heartbreaking. I really hope that somehow things between you and them work out.

  • Thank you for another wonderful insallment.

    I have a slightly different twist on the issue of "mourning" that you brought up.

    I spent so many years on that male persona, trying to get it to work, and I have a certain fondess for him, almost as though he was my unhappy little brother. There is a certain melancholy for me in laying that persona to rest.

    Your story of protecting your sister makes me wonder if your sisters' response to your transition brought on similar feelings.

  • Dangit, you were a cute kid!! Sorry about the bad stuff... I get it.

  • Want to get dinner tomorrow? (sunday)

  • sounds good. You could have texted me tho. lol

  • Great video!!

  • I'm hangin' on edge for each of these. Was wondering just the past couple days when the next was going up.

  • Just saw this set of vids and I gotta say, it was genuine, Seems like you really had a past that you could write a book about. I feel I kinda misjudged you before.

  • That's certainly nice of you to say.

  • My heart goes out to you, honey. I hope your family comes around and realizes that you are still their flesh and blood. You are still the person you have always been. I think eventually they will realize there is no reason to mourn the loss of their sibling... unless, of course, their intolerance pushes you away... I do think you are a strong young woman, however, and that you will be able to be a loving big sister to them even despite their intolerance.

    Hugs,

    Jen

  • challenge accepted =D

  • It was heartbreaking listining to you talk about what your sister's had sad, and I hope that they have come around to the ideer now.. What was it like being back home as a girl?

  • As every part of this documentary ends I'm going "ARGH! why doesn't it continue?". In this part you (or rather your sisters) raised an interesting point, saying they had 'lost' their brother. It hadn't even occured to me before that the people around you would feel like that, but now that I think about it, it makes perfect sense. You look and behave differently now. Had it occured to you before transitioning the people around you would miss the 'old you', or atleast their notion of who that was?

  • That was amazing!

  • this segment was so beautiful

  • Watching this, i am remembering all the feelings i had over the years of wanting to come over there and hug you and protect you from the world.

    You've come so far.

    I love you.

  • Thanks for this next part of your lil documentary erin. i may be the middle child but i am also my sister's "ex" big brother. remember you may not be a big brother any longer but you can still be their big sibling-no matter if you're a boy or a girl. as your sisters and brothers get older, hopefully, they will re-evaluate their responses & see that you still are the same person, the same person you always were from the inside.

    remember that you're a super person!

    hugs from florida

    olivia

  • Lol well at least someone did something with all those videos.

  • wow... that really sucks. I hate intolerance, and it really sucks when those people who are supposed to love us the most and uphold us, only hurt us more. I can hardley wait for the next instalment of this...!

  • Helping them won't replace your sisters and shouldn't but you would be a force to be reckoned with in that fight I am thinking.

    Thank you again so much Erin. Please, please stay strong and don't ever give up hope.

    Hugs and a kiss on the forhead for you.

    September

  • I hope for thier sake and yours that your sisters will put aside thier hurt feelings and engrained religous intolerance. You and they will only be the better for it. You should never give up staying in contact though, even if only at a distance. Time often heals all wounds.

    I hope you can use that nurturing and protective spirit of yours to help aid and protect trans children, who are the most vulnerable of all of us.

  • Thank you for using your vlogs and your experience this way. I hope it does open people's eyes but there will always be many who just feel a deep rooted need to be hateful and hurtful.

    I hope you are safe in your journey home. Religion and strong emotions are usually a bad mix inmy experience. And the addage that "the ones who are supposed to love us the most, are the ones that hurt us the most" is dangerously true too often.

  • When you said that your family felt that there was a death in the family, I so understood what you were saying. My very family said the same thing about my transition. It hurts but has to be done. Its great that you share it for its not easy for any of us. Just understand that we support and love you. Best wishes, ~April~

  • I wonder if it would have gone better, how your sisters reacted. . .had YOU been able to tell them yourself. . .even just over the phone, cause if your parents aren't the most sympathetic to the trans cause, then yeah. . .

  • Very moving, I know I don't have any words to make what your going through better. But I hope it's a little comforting that there are others out there going through the same thing right now. And all of us wish that we could help you through it and take the pain away for you.

    Hugs,

    April

  • You are an incredible person Erin, and you should never forget that. No matter how much it hurts, you have to realize that that is the double edged sword of human nature. That independent part of us that allows us to understand that we are trans is the same part that allows them to formulate their opinions. I'm not saying that by any means that they are right, or fair opinions. You should go back and see them. You shouldn't shut them out of your life, but you can't allow them to hold you back

  • Really, really moving.

  • Erin, My younger sister feels the same way about that yours feels about you. I had my surgery 6 years ago and my sister has yet to call me her sister or call me by my name in all that time. We had an abusive father and I tried very hard to protect her in ways that she never knew and I hope never finds out about. It hurts when you loved ones do not accept you. you did not change your soul, you are just changing your outside body to match the inner soul. Keep Morgan close she loves you

  • we love you erin!

  • Erin,, I feel and share your pain. You are a wonderful woman throughout. I get angry when religion is used against us. It is not what God would have accepted for us and it shows the weakness of man. I have thinking of your trip to Utah and the emotional rollercoaster that would follow. I was also for some reason worried about your safety also. My stepfather has found peace with me but my mother continues to act like an ostrich. She is the mother refered to in the transgender Vagina Monologue

  • A beautiful documentary so far. This part made me cry . . . twice. Hope you never stop vlogging, cuz I think we all need you Erin.  Love and hugs, -Miki

  • Who you are never changes. You are still the big brother they remember. You still want to protect them. Since God sees into our heart of hearts, he created you and always knew the gender of your soul was female. You have finally reached a point where you can reveal that part of your soul to your family, but youre soul has not changed.

  • You are who you are, you should never feel a moment of shame for being who you are.

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