Ellen Degeners Here & Now 5

[Goldygirl16]

Toilet paper claw... pickle claw.

[TheChristina7273]

see the unlike bar? exactly

[colincoolness]

Her pickle chunk is literally the reason I always reach for a fork when I open a brand new pickle jar. I love Ellen!

[textred13]

im a 15 year old boy. i know she is gay but i think im in love with her. she is sooooooo funny and fresh. thankyou ellen for being so amazing

[bkwrm10]

chunks of your weave....i love her.

[rebed100]

8 people got pickle juice in their eyes

[kittycat124]

hahaha "pickles are packed as tightly as pickles....it will catch on...."

[tiefel1976]

i love ELLEN

[BubbleManiac94]

First day of parole XD

[thecountrygal98]

Omigosh I love Ellen! She speaks the truth so well. It's just so halarious. Lol.

[kmillan98]

"well you're welcome your majesty!"

[dexdex1560]

@kmillan98 WHERE WERE MY ROSE PETALS???

[Bey4909]

When i was at the airport i thought about Ellen talking about those ''rides'' and how you almost fall off when their done. that thing that she did, that happened to me. I never wanted to laugh so hard before!

[Asweetheart1000]

"as the doors are closing I DID ALL I COULD!"

LOL

[Prittyphile]

"How do you think I got here, helicoptered in? LOL!

[somebody662]

some people say im mad

hahahahaha...

what?



[PoloboyPrl]

Lmbo At The BIONIC WOMAN Joke. Lol Classic!

[mariahrose210]

I've done the exact same thing when someone is kicking my chair in the movies. It's amazing that she doesn't swear even once and I'm still laughing my ass off.

[justinlovespastry]

Degenius

[illusions142]

Dear Ellen,

Please do some more stand up. We love you, we love your show, but you are just too damn funny and amazing and we want more. Please?

Love,

Your adoring fans

[DINOMONSTERZ]

" hey you want to smell something weird? " hahahahaha im gonnah ask someone that when im in the elevator

[GraceMartini]

"Toilet paper claw. Pickle claw" LOL XD

[dancestarabc]

Omg I absolutely died at the "Wanna smellsomething weird?" Another thing is whenever someone comes on the elevator you say "Welcome aboard, sailor!"

[danceloverxox0]

soOorry

[zaqsway]

Dont they know the international sign for thats irritating?

[goldenageflapper]

I am quite tempted to say "First day on parole" when i am alone with a stranger in an elevator in order to break the silence.

[frostyh81]

I'm am gonna be supper sad when I reach the end of this show.

[Gleekedgal]

lol I start panicking when the elevator door starts closing someone wants to get in, one time I was panicking so much that I hit the close button multiple times by accident when I meant to press the stay open button.....it REALLY was an accident. I mean, I do want to be in the elevator alone, but not so much as to press close door on purpose when someone is trying to get in...

[tyjeffries]

Brilliant xx

[SethBlizzard]

Oh my, I am guilty of SO many of the things Ellen says about people at the movies.

[hydria0]

LOL.. I’m going to use that line.

“Really? How do you think I got here? Helicopter in?”

[peevestheprefect]

lmao i noticed the toilet paper claw thing!

[cute2boot4u92]

this is so amazing. my nana & i are constantly using the "give it, i got it. i got it, give it" line ALL the time when one of us can't open something, LOL.

[1BubblesPPG]

I DID ALL I COULD "doors close"

[cisco780]

8 people don't know how to kid properly.

[wakebreakers]

Whenever I get out a jar of pickles my brother invariably says to me, "it's time to use the pickle claw."

[nedarooni]

anyone who can make you laugh your fricken buttcheeks off talking about pickles, toilet paper, or car windows is an ARTIST! she's a pioneer and makes the world a better place to live!! :o) <3 (o:

[MrsLovettMyLoves]

LOL

this woman is a ledge

lmaooooooo

[kellycatlauder]

The 8 people that dislike this are 8 of the people who don't say "thank you" when someone holds the door open for them.

[kimfer1225]

bionic woman! hhahahah

[DaAlzki7852]

LOL at the leverage!!!

[chellybelly123]

I loooooovvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeee­eee ELLEN she one in a million famous people that tries not act famous

[coveya2]

" i wish they packed potato chips like they pack pickles " =)

[forensicscientist101]

"I wished they packed potato chips like they pack pickles." Lol!

[ninjacoralinekitty]

I used to watch this when I was about four... I didn't understand a word of it. I would just wait for the pickle juice in your eye part and I would just laugh hysterically for about 5 minutes!

[ninjacoralinekitty]

Paper cuts and pickle juice in your eye are bad... But what about pickle juice in your paper cut?

[ninjacoralinekitty]

Do they not know the international signal for "that's irritating?" Ellen, you rock!!!

[TheBossNuggz]

shes like a girl version of jerry seinfeld but a ton funnier

[shilohsam2]

someone in the crown is really enjoying the show cause i keep hearing the same laugh since part 1! LMAO!

[Jeffieboi]

I'm drunk and took a huge hit @ 2:52. Totally choked on it laughing and went to some weird dizzy land.

[Jeffieboi]

I think what makes her so funny, is that she mentions the things that everybody experiences, but that they don't consciously notice.

[nazerdawud23]

i love ellen



[CyRxJustin]

@LadyGM720 I was kidding, it's ironic.

[CyRxJustin]

@LadyGM720 And thanks to you we are back to focusing on her sexual orientation instead of brilliant comedy

[Phalnax811]

Cheers to Ellen!

[boowazz]

thumbs up for pickle claw!

[thewomaninthemoon]

No one can make me laugh like Ellen!

[nickernocker94]

so funny

[nickernocker94]

so funny

[katrinadevort]

I haven't laughed that hard in so long.

[rawtoon41]

Lmfao

[hardelaphant]

give it i got it

[Coopmueller]

Wanna smell something weird?

[whatchamini]

ellen is so awesome! its amazing how she is just as funny as any comedian, and yet she always uses clean language.. :)

[heyk07]

-my dog of 17 years just died

-your kidding!?

-no. as funny as that is...i'm not.

hahaha

[MvyMkr]

Oh Ellen, you had me at pickle claw...

[cbsdis]

I DID ALL I COULD!

XD

love her.

[softballgrl4evr]

Hahahah best part is when she's trying to get the point across to people knocking your seat in the theatre.

[garrettlilg15]

Dil-Handle ! xD That sounds dirty lol

[WordLife2362]

the funny thing is everything she's talking about is so true....i love her

[FalafellFo]

lol @ this one woman in the audience

[Prime3709]

"chunks of your... WEAVE in their hand..." okay damn I lost it there xD lmao god I love Ellen!

[rediceIV]

please and thank you lol she should come to nz even the bus drivers gets thank you's...

[jlegare333]

Nobody rambles like Ellen.

She's amazing.

[ROBLOXiansRejct666]

"Oh, the papercut thats the worst thing."

"Oh really is it.. Okay."

[XxThereIsAGodxX]

My mom says "you're kidding" all the time. I usually say something along these lines. "No, as funny as that is, I'm not."

I love Ellen!

[sdotcabana]

udidnt think id make it did ya??? weell idid..lol

Idid all icud,,

[justfornow10]

Lmao thats so true about the movies.

[KillerQueen4691]

CHUNKS OF YOUR WEAVE!

[AlexNuchiha]

I can hear this one woman louder than the others.

[AniuLonewolf]

that whole thing at the beginning with the looking behind you to try and make someone stop - i SO catch myself doing that and then i remember this and laugh!!!

[gdragontenziN]

LOL

[amarti7020]

soRRY lmao!!!

[sugarychocobot]

So true about the chips :'(

[MortalKombat773]

I haven't laughed this hard in weeks XD

[Killola12]

Toilet paper claw... pickle claw.

[streetsmarts990]

4:18-4:20 xD

[clearlyqueer]

I'm one of the "give it, I got it" people :P

[MsMellyx]

I can't stop laughing in elevators now :(

[rulOza]

"my dog of 17 years just died"

"you're kidding!"

"no, Im not...as funny as that is"

LOL

hahaha

[Asiangal4999]

Lol! little ride in the middle of nowhere:p

[ithinkmynameisJIMBOB]

She is credit to the LGBT society and i like how she is soooo funny without being vulgar! She rocks shame she is with portia lmao!

[blueyedemo6]

lmao

[JoLVolley]

what is she saying at: "first day at ... ? "in the evelator thing

[alwayzjello]

@JoLVolley

"First day of parole."

[ChrisVenturaRandom]

@JoLVolley first day of parole

[xBillyTheKidx]

"hey wanna smell something weird?"

[xBillyTheKidx]

"hey wanna smell something weird?"

[13JigsawAl]

"You didn't think I'd make it, did ya? Well, I did!"

[reader55player]

Damn it now I want a pickle!

[transfrmpnguinz]

she changes the subject so much from kidding to papercuts to pickle juice to pickle JARS! rofl

[dEjalOOl]

"giv it i got it" lol

[eliza1813]

"They're packed in there like pickles......it'll catch on."

ROFL!

[ylvira]

"Then you don't know how to kid properly. Cause we should both be laughing." =) That is also true.=)

[ylvira]

She tells the truth in a funny way.=) Nobody gets upset that way.=)

[Jamiekennywicked]

'Suddenly its like a clown car'. LOL

Ellen is the best

[illusions142]

Her elevator joke made me think of Avenue Q, "Being on an elevator when someone yells 'Hold the door!" NO! Schadenfreude! FUCK YOU LADY, that's what STAIRS are for!"

Ohhhh I love Ellen

[watergrl1]

I cant wait til I'm old enough to go see tht play!

[EvanOnStereo]

I DID ALL I COULD! haah

[aust0570]

"Pickels are packed in there as tightly as sardines! which, by the way, arent packed as tightly as pickles!! That expression should change!! lol lol lol

[xoxoitsmegxoxo]

"I did all I could"

[sdotcabana]

giv it... i got it...giv it i got it

[ranna83]

sad thing is that I do that hahaha..I must be so annoying!!

[androschizo]

omg i always love that feeling of being bionic woman! and adjusting lol that's always embarrassing

[RussianPrincess1000]

i love ellen. she's amazing

[charisandmargot]

well you welcome your majesty sorry i didnt sprinkle rose petal for ya.

LOL

[flygirlguns]

Ellen is simply brilliant, as ever.

[sboomi]

thats irritating.

I guess I don`t know pickel juice or at least I don`t know this word.. what the .. is pickel juice???? please, I tried to find out but it seems hopeless

[Tordekar]

The liquid that comes in a pickle jar. Brine. Salt water.

[darkaardvark720]

@sboomi ???

[Newscholar]

"first day of parole"

[GloriousMaximus]

2:50 that's me all the time, I can never find that dang button.

[samfando]

LMAO her face at 0:56

XD

[ibuttonz]

shes so funny. i laugh so hard i cant breathe while watching! GO ELLEN!!! :)

[betharootx]

Yah, what's that about? It's in the middle of nowhere at Love Field!

[AjsSecrets]

Im the one in the kitchen!

I got it(:

And squatting really does help.

xD

[JehettoAmy]

I LOVE PICKLES!

[Mewsiepaw]

its was fun 4 me tho. i ran on them the wrong way until a security guard caught me!! =D

[summervaca4evr]

packed in like pickles.... itll catch on... :]

[Mewsiepaw]

one time there was a long hallway with a moving sidewalk then there was a break, then another, then a break, then another and THEN youre out of the hallway!

[softballchickity271]

lol i love the picklessss. im gna get a pickle claw lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[peaceshellpeace]

omg yes! and 8:41 and 4:11 BIONIC WOMEN AND ADJUSTING haha

[wunderbeast]

dude, i'm already on the floor laughing from the first 10 seconds. a great comedian is most definitely a great observer of life. her thing about the way people act in movie theaters is genius!

[Firestar345]

lol, the pickle claw.

[suavechicjg]

"Give it I got it" lol

[PJSANDS3861]

well again if you like comedian's as much as myself, you'll love Lee Evans, he is so funny, me and my Family have always watched him, he cracks us all up everytime, so funny........ just like Ellen..... good luck gonnabeamgastar and your also welcome :D

[hippiegirl1968]

@PJSANDS3861 Yeah, he's excellent!  the only difference is that he's more physical in humour too. his acting out of Bohemian Rhapsody is hilarious!

[PJSANDS3861]

actually Lee Evans also does that as well, picks out and bring out all the Everyday things to people attentions and he too is so funny..... tif you truly like Comedian, have a look at him...... You'll be truly satisfied xx

[gonnabeamegastar]

Part of the reason she's so funny, I think, is because she points out the humor in such universal and every day things that everyone can relate to, especially because they're things that we don't normally acknowledge... she's brilliant for being able to make such common events sooo funny in her portrayal!

[Osmond4eva99]

I so agree with you! she takes everyday things and makes it funny and also can change how people do things like the politeness. She is soooo funny!!!

[SteelersK36]

Brian Regan does the same thing: Even better!

Try him as well

[gonnabeamegastar]

I've never heard of him, but I'll look him up. thanks! :)

[ALOV3R43V3R]

i love her she cracks me up and seeing someone be that openly gay and still be that successful gives me hope =]

[cher4995]

shes the best

[CTCApollo1]

That expression should change! Pickle Claw

[bernice17]

omg :19-:30 is sooo what i do!!! LMFAO

[olamosq]

Oh my gosh I laughed so hard with the rocking chair at the movies and they use YOUR chair to get up and you almost feel like you're gonna get catapulted outta there aaaahh! LOL!!!!!!!!!!! I CRIED

I LOVE ELLEN. SHE IS THE BEST

[justsoicancomment]

CHUNKS OF YOUR WEAVE in their hand?? hahahaah whatttttt

[LovnBBall5]

the thing about the elevator is soooo true. I have done that a million times.

[estefaniastrid]

unbelievable!!!

she is amazing and sooooooooooo right

i love her, she just makes my day

=D

[swtsodapop13]

She's talking about pickles and still making me laugh.

[Lusinev]

ughh traffic. how do u think i got here? helicoptered in?

[hippiegirl1968]

@xRx1994 irrelevant to me.

[hpsoftball07]

im always the one  to go "give it i got it". Ellen is hilarious

[twinronda]

6:55 That is the funniest part, haha TOO FUNNY hahahaha And so very true OMG hahaha

[System3007]

Lauped through the whole thing.

[sinmilk]

lol soo funny about the elevator i like to break that silence. *sigh* first day of parole...

[kaybarn05]

I love her smile!!!

[Pigglets3O]

this is the funniest one so far lol

[Jackpine124]

i love ellen

[duperlove2]

i'm sOOoOrryYYy HAHAHHA

[stephjannetta]

I really can't stop laughing over the dog thing. "As funny as it is, i'm not kidding." hahahaha

[mariskaANDmadtv]

"toilet paper claw....pickle claw."

i wish i could write as well as her! and if she doesn't do all of her writing, then i wish i could deliver lines as well as her. she is just an absolute genius. :D

[campbelljonas]

i love how a couple years ago hilary duff was on her show, talkin about pickles,a nd ellen brings up the claw . .. but she didnt know about this i gues. . . so funny!

i love ellen

[veinpsyko]

I DID ALL I COULD!

I actually said that a couple days ago.

Was at my friends apt building and got confused with the "front door close" and "back door close"

LOL.