The Sickness of Self-Esteem

[weav8060]

as presented, this is a downgrading of self-esteem. The reason: self-esteem is a crucial GOAL of a rational man. The measuring is part of the few of fuel of PRIDE. There is no such thing as pride without self-esteem. Aristotle had it right, and so did Ayn Rand. By the way, perfection is part of self-esteem, but it does not mean you don't make mistakes or finish last. That has nothing to do with perfection. Moral perfection, is another matter.

[cirosuperiore]

every school in america would be horrified at showing this video...i was at a track and field tournment the other day. they were giving out gold medals to everyone who finished the race. when i asked why the guy that came in last got the same medal as the guy that came in first, they told me that they did not want to HURT the loser's self esteem...

[robshaps]

Where did you get your definition of self-esteem? Read Nathaniel Branden's definition (Who Ellis misrepresented for 3 decades). He NEVER said SE is a "rating." It's a particular way of experiencing the self.. as competent to cope and worthy of happiness. You don't rate yourself nor "conclude" you're worthy. Self-esteem starts w/ self-acceptance (I'm "enough") and not "because" one does well. Over time our choices and actions irresistibly affect how we think and feel about ourselves.

[BeHereNow21]

The idea of self esteem itself is not sickness nor illusion - but the idea that self esteem has to come from logical conclusions; that is a sickness..

[EndorphinatingQueen]

Thank you Jeff, you're videos are great!!

[glassmillion]

You said everything except HOW TO accept ourselves... that's the tricky part. How to deny the opinion of others while living in the community? Is it possible at all?

[Kiddmizfit]

You should never deny an opinion. Welcome all opinions as it gives you more than one option. There really is no how to when it comes to accepting yourself. I've learned to accept myself by thinking that I only have one life to live, so therefor I will live it comfortably. I will not live my life worrying how I look to this person, or wearing something uncomfortable to impress that person. I'm me, and if the person can't accept me then why am I wasting my time trying to impress them anyway?

[seyoumeye]

But don't forget that It is a society that shape the individual...this how politics, corporate and religion works...

[Dodec84]

@glassmillion you don't have to deny the opinion of others .... it are the demands in your own mind that are the problem.

[azteken8]

great video.

[KC2XL]

Excellent, informative video. Thank you for posting it.

[Yanipooh]

this soooo helps me as a student thanks a trillion!

[markywos]

Awesome video! thanks a million!

[thestrid82]

Thanks Jeff

[MrPyrre]

The big problem with the self-esteem, is the consept, because you cant estimate your self without something relative to reality...

I prefere the idea unconditional self-esteem. That means self-esteem without any connection to something outside our body, i think.

It difficult to accept ourself unconditional, but i think its more like an attitude...

[whirlpoolzend]

MrPyrre: If we explored the meaning of the word "love" and perhaps discovered it to be a 'doing word' (not a feeling), that it was a force facilitating positive personal growth... plus something given unconditionally; then I suggest we may be onto something...

[FoolishCanadian]

part #2. So many kids and males commit suicide because they are constantly TAUGHT by society to RATE themselves, my parents treated me like dogshit when I got bad marks in school. Your friends think you are a loser if you are not good socially with people, etc.

[FoolishCanadian]

part #1

The whole bit on self-esteem though you can't destroy it, it's an evolutionary function that determines class and pecking order.

[jguterman]

Albert Ellis died on July 24, 2007. He was 93 years of old.

[whirlpoolzend]

After watching your video and reading through this thread I was going to check up on his health. You've answered my question.

It was Epictetus who led me to Ellis...I'm still at the very beginning of the journey.

M Scott Peck has some interesting words to say re Self-Esteem versus Self-Love (something I subscribe to)

cheers

[Spoonwood792000]

"The experience of being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness." That still works as conditional. We have self-esteem if we have "an experience of being competent, etc." For self-acceptance one doesn't need to have competence in coping with life's challenges. One could qualify as incomptent at coping with the hardships of life, but one still accepts oneself even if one's behavior comes as poor.

[jobfromthebible]

That Martian point is great, rams it home. This is about the 3rd or 4th time I've watched this, and I'm getting it a bit more each time. I keep seeing the truth of it in glimpses, but then it fades - bastard!

[robshaps]

Branden explains that self-esteem IS SELF-ACCEPTANCE at the most fundamental level. Self-esteem is NOT self-rating. Self-esteem is absolutely not a sickness. It's the vaccine for the sickness.

Behold, Branden's definition:

The experience of being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness.

[jguterman]

I cannot speak directly for Ellis, but let me interpret his position. You raise an interesting point about psychologists agreeing on a single definition of self-esteem. This is different than agreeing on self-esteem. Ellis and others might agree with Branden's definition of self-esteem (self-rating), but disagree with its philosophy (i.e., the idea that it is helpful for people to rate the self). I hope this clarifies. Thanks for the comment.

[robshaps]

Self-esteem is not really a self-rating according to Dr. Branden's work. It is an experience. If we accept ourselves, we are not really rating ourselves. It rests on emotional responsibility not on judgments of the self. Self-rating is a little at odds with oneself. We cannot be in an adversarial relationship with ourselves to grow in self-esteem.

[jymbird22]

Your concept or, rather Dr. Ellis's, of self-esteem is at odds with the one I've been reading about as defined by Nathaniel Branden in, "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem." Isn't it about time that psychologists agree on a single definition of self-esteem? Could you also provide me with some of your ideas or criticisms about that book? Thank you.

[BarbarraBay]

There is something called love, a natural faculty within all beings, which is the life's essense and purpose. For example, beings birth children and to love and protect those offspring is natural purpose and natural well-being for both parties, both the giver and the receiver. Therefore to not harm oneself, to love oneself, to give and be generous, is natural purpose, natural design and the way to well-being. For example sponsor a child in Africa to learn what truely benefits oneself.

[pynchme]

I've had a most entertaining and enlightening afternoon watching all of your videos. Thought provoking and inspirational. Great work. Thanks for doing it and for sharing it.

[jguterman]

One might automatically accept self but they might go back. As far as someone of high self-esteem, the short answer is—Yes! Give up the part that says they are "great people" because they do well and they are "bad people" if they fail—because if they fail, then they hate themselves, and there is no guarantee they will always succeed. Often, successful people are anxious and fear of failure is often the main cause. I suggest retain the strong desire to succeed and give up the demands.

[natlawful]

@jguterman i think the stuff sbout unconditional self-acceptance is so powerful yet so difficult to appropriate. i am beginning to scrape the surface. thanks so much for your posts. so helping me, so much. nathan from ireland.

[jobfromthebible]

Very difficult to apply, if not impossible. Do you apply this to yourself on a regular basis, in other words is it automatic or do you have to really think about it and argue with yourself? Also, would you recommend talking someone out of high self-esteem if they were doing well in important areas of their life?

regards, Job

p.s. thanks for these great vids.