BPD Loved Ones - Support vs Rescue

[mikeviehl]

my wife i beleive has it,she rages over little things,is controlling,i walk on eggshells,she is violent,doesnt care how i feel or what i think.she is so sweet to the outside world but to me is hateful and viloent and uncaring.

she blames me for everything,she is taking xanax prescribed by a psychiatrist who doesnt even treat her,5 minutes and outr.im really losing my mind.so i cant help her is what ur saying?

[locogringoful]

Great Vid. Just realized that I'm not doing my gf any help. Really want to just end it. I love her but can't change her. She still has family that shelters her and refutes BPD because that would mean they screwed up. I am enabling/rescuing. I need to respect myself more and leave her be. God bless.

[redhonda65]

my daughter went away to treatment for few months for bulumia, after returning home she was just diagnosed as bpd by her recently found therapist/or counselor that specializes in Eating Disorders. She told her straight up to not bs or lie to her like she has everyone else all her life, my dau mid 30's was surprised, but liked the no nonsense straight talker, is this common to pick up on bpd that quick, maybe 3 visits?

[13abbitt]

Well spoken. There are times in life when helping a person (like an elderly, frail friend) may feel like enabling; but this does not have to be so. Some people are up for personal growth, and the best thing to do is to be present when you can. Others may need heavier support, which can feel uncomfortable - it's not "therapeutic" - it is physical. BPD recovery is partially about learning how to engage appropriately with life's situations, which include other people. "Grist for the mill."

[ajmahari]

Very true. There is, however, quite a difference between someone who needs physical support and someone who has BPD and needs to take personal responsibility. In order for those with BPD to learn how to engage life in the here and now they need to come to understand that others cannot rescue them and cannot save them. They have pain to face, learn to express in healthy ways. For many with BPD they are lost inside to a self lost and this can leave other people truly invisible to them.

[13abbitt]

@ajmahari Agreed. I found in DBT an exaggerated focus on the self, to the point - well, I had to quit. I think I don't really understand BPD pain well enough, even though I was typed Borderline. Rescue is a strong word, and support is a flexible one. peace

[realemochick]

i Have borderline personality disorder i tried to explain it to my husband what was wrong but he wouldnt listen to why i felt so worthless and empty alot. he doesnt understand why his love is not enough. he just tells me to pray and read the bible and i will have no problems that i have no disorder but i dont believe in god enough its hard for me cause when i i trigger i cant explain cause he wont let me. what do i do to save my marraige. he doesnt trust me i dont trust him.

[ajmahari]

It sounds like you need to get some professional help, if you haven't already. Whether one believes in God or not, each of us have to do our own part and take responsibility for ourselves. I can't tell you what you need to do to save your marriage, perhaps a marriage counsellor would be a good idea for you and your husband?

[rodlorboam]

its so hard when you have been conditioned for so long i have read alot

and listentened to a lot

you :" speak with authority because you know " i am risking this complement i will be found out but you deserve it because all others i have listened to are

clinicle with no help you are the only one because you suffered bpd i have seen every one stand in the way of a friend myself acurrent doctor and 2 pychologists please take this comment off my sake

[negrodamus1000]

thankyou, that helps some, but I have had to sit back and watch them relapse and lie to their therapist,among other things. I am at a toal loss and so are they and I just feel sooo helpless and hurt

[ajmahari]

When you feel helpless and hurt it will be important for you to make sure you have boundaries and that you are taking care of yourself. You will, at some point, have to decide if you want to feel that way anymore. You only have control over what you choose. Take care of yourself.

[TheWiseBuck]

I 've never heard this dynamic explained better...very informative video

[ajmahari]

Thanks, I'm glad you found the video helpful.

[carlos1234567898765]

you just made my day. thank you

[ajmahari]

You are welcome :)

[LorrettaW]

This is one of my favorites of yours so far!!