Added: 2 years ago
From: davidmitchellsoapbox
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  • This is what you do:

    You compliment Clara, and here's why:

    One: She needs it more than the others, so you make her happy.

    Two: Unattractive girls are usually nicer, so she deserves it more.

    Three: If the other girls are nice, they'll appreciate what you've done for her = points for you.

    Four: If they're selfish they'll fell neglected and insecure making them much easier targets for your future advances.

    You're welcome :-)

  • @bnmbnm Blimey, I didn't realise complimenting was a riddle.

  • how lovely 2 c u. U look like this....... (Point mirror at person)

  • Sometimes, Mr Mitchell, I get the impression you overthink things a little. :p

  • Everybody keep those top comments up there!

  • Schizoid Personality Disorder?

  • He has the courage(really? seriously?) to say what I've thought my entire life.

  • I like Mr. Mitchell but this is even too English for me!!! Shyness and over analytical thought about socialising is something we do just a little too well.

  • I going to watch all his videos, and put his ideals into practice in everyday life.

    Then, when I get the gumption, write a book "Everything I always needed to know in life..by exercising David Mitchell life-hacks.

  • Or, just phrase the compliment as an observation, e.g. "I really like how your necklace matches your bracelet." Taking an observation and reforming into an opinion avoids the kind of awkwardness David fears. It's also completely safe from rejection. If someone tried to reject your opinion, they'd be the one looking gawky. What would they even say, "No you don't really like how my bracelet and necklace match!"? Why bother with the hassle of mirrors when you have a much simpler solution available?

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  • @mattg109 He was referring to complementing woman you aren't fancying or pursuing in small talk. How is he completely wrong about the fact that he finds it hard to do this and the accompanying justification?

  • @mattg109 Oh and you are you uneducated buffoon?

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  • I might have to try the hand mirror trick.

  • David, you think TOO MUCH.

  • Thank you, this is helping me through life.

  • This man is absolutely brilliant!

  • Anna,Brenda and Carla are no longer David's friends after watching this video.

  • "The twisted hunched shoulders of Clara" line has been making me laugh ever since I first heard it when I got the podcast, it's even a bit of a private joke with my sister and I hahahaha :D

  • Just...one....more...

  • Get some money in note form and hold the queens head over davids.

  • 'what a well dug hole' - the best compliment ever!

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  • Well, at least I'm not the only one who struggles to compliment people's appearances.

  • *off to buy hand mirror*

  • I thought you delivered that calf expertly made me piss myself

  • I am a man and I completely avoid complimenting women because it either falls on deaf ears 'cause the woman is so used to receiving compliments she immediately discards my "dime a dozen" compliment or because she simply thinks I'm only after one thing, so either way, men just can't win in these situations.

  • @EgorManiac

    yeah, that's definitely why women disregard your compliments.

    and not because you're a misogynistic asshat. lol.

  • @310BPM Why insult me? You've no idea what it's like to be a man and this is just my personal experience of what it's like when approaching a woman in that manner.

  • @EgorManiac I wouldn't worry man, I doubt she gets compliments with an attitude like that.

  • @TheConnorian Cheers, mate.

  • @310BPM He's not misogynistic, he's pointing out a general fact that women like to pick and choose, so if you haven't been chosen then your compliment does fall on deaf ears and if you have been chosen, it seems like your trying too hard. The only person with a real problem here is you, who is busy being a misandrist.

  • aahaha that mirror...

  • I feel so sorry for Clara.

  • complimenting someone's appearance is definitely a western/english speaking west(which excludes India) thing. It's unusual/strange(not necessarily rude) behavior in the east.

  • is it just me or does anyone else just think about how hot he is... :/

  • @xthebunniezx it's not just you XD

  • I think 14 claras have watched this

  • Talk about over-thinking a simple sentiment xD Well, i have no problem saying he's simply adorable.

  • This is the exact same thought process that goes through my mind every time I think "She looks nice, I'll pay her a compliment".

    DAM YOU OVERLY LOGICAL AND ANALYTICAL DAVE!

  • I've decided that this year for Christmas I would very much like a travel-sized David Mitchell, whom I could conveniently pull out whenever I find something upsetting or, perhaps, when I'm just bored. That would be perfect.

  • I sometimes suspect that David Mitchell and I are in fact the same person.

  • @kerplookie17 So do I... I get annoyed by the same things he does, but he was already famous enough to put it on a podcast and not sound insane, irritating or both.

  • So I was sitting here re-watching this and thinking, "man this is funny". Especially that "Oh Clara, you're here too" bit and I thought, "Hmm, that would've made me laugh even more if I hadn't had it ruined by the top comments giving it away."

    ...Then I looked at the user-name of the person who'd made it. I'm assuming that it will not be one of the top comments forever, so I 'll fill in those who won't see it.

    I was one of those people who quoted a punchline. Urgh. I'm such a hypocrite. :L

  • May I suggest "You look like you've made a great effort tonight." as a compliment. It may not go over perfectly with a huge percentage of people. But there are a sect of over-thinking, anxious, paranoid and somewhat thick skinned (Both emotionally and physically) ladies in this world that will find that relieving. If not complimentary.

  • "How lovely to see you! You look... like this!" I loled so hard at that point

  • Poor David, I dont think he gets laid alot.

  • @TheButtur123 I totally would. What is wrong with me?

  • @JennyMulhenny lol I think alot of women would, I think he would probably convince you not to... He seems like hes his own worst enemy with women.

  • @TheButtur123 Oh yeah, he's got a bit of a neurotic thing going on. But he's so smart that it's subtler and funnier than most.

  • @TheButtur123 Well I doubt you do. Most men don't.

  • Yay, I'm here too! ;-)

    To be perfectly honest, as a woman I really don't like compliments like that from people I don't know very well. If i feel confident about my looks already, there's simply no need to tell me and if i don't feel confident about my looks, a compliment would just make me suspicious wether the one who told me is honest or not. Why not rather compliment something that isn't too personal like: "you've got a lovely hat". the advatage of that is, that you could use it for

  • everyone at anytime, since the chance of finding any details that you might like is quite high. and it shows that you actually pay attention to the details, not only to the greater picture (which is flattering for those whos greater picture isn't that... radiant ^^)

    but even better would be to pay attention to what your opposit has to say and then make a compliment about something you agree on, like: "oh, i'd never thought of it, but that makes sense. thank you for this insightful input"...

  • however, if you're confronted with someone who has no sense in fashion, is ugly as a hair in your grandfathers ear and is stupid as senile earthworm... you might be better off with just smiling and running away, pretending you're moving in slow motion, chances are you're confusing your opposite with that just long enough to escape.

    so, if i'm fishing for compliments, i'd rather go for "good grief, you're one smart cookie" than "you look so hot i'd like to ******* and ********* you"

    ;-)

  • @kindAhumaNbeinG If somebody told me i had 'a lovely hat' i would assume they were avoiding passing any comment on my physical appearance because they don't think i'm attractive! besides, to follow your logic, if i feel confident in the loveliness of my hat then there's simply no need to tell me.

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  • I can't believe 13 people didn't like this they must have clicked the wrong button

  • Anyone women in the comments that could articulate a response to David view?

  • favorite so far

  • The last thing women want is compliments anyway, so it's just as well that it's hard to express them.

  • The woman in the beginning kinda scared me..Thought she was gonna get you O_o

  • I'm not making this up. I was at a party once where this guy would actually grade the girls by appearance. He pointed at them one by one and said "you look good, you're beutiful, you do not look good". What the fuck?

  • @snuffsan : he must have been someone who enjoyed the near possibility of being sacked in the balls.

  • Oh Clara, you're here too. LOL.

  • @sunnyncloudy I like when people get a quote they just heard wrong.

  • @Hayashigame Lmao, I just noticed it's the most liked comment, yet I didn't actually quote it accurately. Funnily enough, it normally really irritates me when the top comment isn't even the correct quote. :L

  • clara, you're also here.

    LOL

  • Wow David you think way too much! But keep thinking. And keep presenting your thoughts with your wonderful articulacy, CUZ IT'S FUCKING HILARIOUS! 

  • well we've found sheldon's british cousin

  • @atadsatirical What a family!

  • That's the most Woody Allen-like I've heard Mitchell's neuroses to get.

  • That was terrifyingly identical to my way of thinking- Bloody Hell I'm a social mess with borderline xenophobia

  • why is he in a disco ?

  • I didn't give a shit about Dell laptops 6 videos ago, I still don't give a shit.

  • "clara... you're also here" I burst out laughing

  • Clara, ...you're also here!

    Ooooooo! Social suicide! Nice.

  • Story of my life.

  • My need to sleep with David Mitchell is inexcusable and strange. But CONSTANT.

  • @mixxy5alive I'm there with you, I really might be in love with that amazing mind of his.

  • Anna Brenda Clara ... ABC

  • Sorry Geico, but due to the ad with the screeching pig I will NEVER buy shit from your company, and encourage everyone I know to never purchase anything from you and your annoying fucking commercials.

  • David Mitchell, you and I are the same. We both have the annoying ability to be very self aware of our flaws and then have the inability to do anything about them.

  • I know I'm far from beautiful, and that'll make me biased. I'll admit that. But I don't really see complimenting, even on something like looks, as superficial. I see it as giving someone a bit of a boost; a mild inflating of someone's self-esteem. And though when you give out a lot of compliments to the point where it seems like they're empty to you, they might mean the world to the reciever. So, I'm okay with making some people feel uncomfortable and sometimes bending the truth if I can

  • @aquamarinesky54 eventually hit those who could use those words of kindness. There's enough negativity in this world, so I'm happy to say positive words whenever I can and be kind to all those I can. You never know who may need it. And, here's where I think my bias comes into play, I feel like most people should be able to hear something like "you look nice today" at least once. I feel it's just a simple, harmless, nice tidbit a lot of people deserve.

  • @aquamarinesky54 watch the video again. listen to the parts aoubt how its becomes obvious its etiher meaningless or a lie. its hard ot get a boost from acompliment if you know its false.

  • @greatsayain I've seen the video a couple of times, and it's not that hard to understand. If the person can tell it's a lie or meaningless, you're not doing it right. That being said, I've had plenty of compliments that were lies that I've been forced to say "thank you" to and move on for the sake of being polite. But I was never offended. The person was simply trying to make you feel better, and any adjusted person would appreciate that. I can't fault the person for caring enough to make me

  • @aquamarinesky54 smile. As for it being meaningless, you've got to be pretty self-centered if you think that just because someone finds a way to give everyone a compliment, the one given to you means nothing. You must think yourself quite special if you think you should be given special treatment or nothing at all. And that kind of person generally doesn't need a compliment.

  • Watch it untill the end! You have never laughed so much!

    /watch?v=k0Kxw3tIsEs&NR=1

  • lollllllll you look...like this. that is genius. anyway i always take compliments with a grain of salt. i think they're more indicative of the preferences of the person who is giving them and are not really any kind of critique on the receiver. if my friend compliments me on something that i look unspectacular in, i just chalk it up to bad taste and the fact that he doesn't compliment me when i think i look amazing is, again, something i attribute to his lack of understanding of aesthetics.

  • "What a well dug hole" XD

  • "They know how they're ranked" JESUS mitchell... how about just not communicating with people, period.

  • I'm a fan of his but is he really this neurotic? Man he must be lonely!

  • I don't notice when people don't complement me but, when they do I feel fantastic for ages (unless it was from a creepy uncle type.)

  • Fuck women!

  • The simple thing would be to avoid complimenting people at all costs, thats what I do.

  • poor clara

  • Or you could just insult everybody! :D

  • OOh, you women! we say. Ooh you MEN, they say.

    Perfect.

  • 1000 likes 10 dislikes.... hrm...

  • @elpoteiiko I 'liked' and I'm a woman, I have this problem too, with both genders, despite what sexists or desperate 'victim's would like to believe.

  • @skrinkle2000 LOL! no, i just thought it was an awesome coincidence.. :')

  • @elpoteiiko I completely believe you. I take every oportunity to try to break down the cliches others, male and female try to foist upon me...it was a comment I made more to the fact that there are so many men it seems, commenting to this particular Mitchell rant. I am a longtime fan of 'SoapBox'.It's being funded by a men's toiletry brand makes me suspect that society and maybe even Mitchell himself think I as a woman wouldn't relate. But I do !!! Waahh I'm a victim of everyone's naivite. !-,

  • why do people not wonder about things like this in typical conversations?

  • @runawaystudent14 I guess we're too used to it. Would've loved to be an outsider sometime, just observing all the ridiculous things we say and do without a thought.

  • ' How are you?' Another insincere bullshit saying.

  • @Jackiesstash08 Not always.

  • here's a rant about buying women jewelry

    a woman wants you to buy her jewelry but it has to be the right item, if i buy something she doesnt like she is forced to wear it instead of something else she prefers to prevent offending me. but how do i know what she wants i cant just say heres a cheque for x amount thats your budget as thats a bit too ian beale. for men its simple buy him a watch that looks more metallic than the last one, even easier just buy him any male jewelry as he prob has none

  • anyone else wondering why he's in an 80's disco?

  • @Seagerash because of the underlying subject of the sexual playing field, which is most visibly obvious in clubs n shit. might look a bit dated because david mitchell hasn't been in one for a while, or he simply prefers the retro ones that still exist

  • David Mitchell is GOD!

  • Clara... You're also here.

    Haha!

  • david... marry me now. k. thanx

  • Do you "LIKE" David Mitchell's Soap Box on Facebook?

  • 10 people are physically unattractive.

  • Every video I watch, I relate more and more to this man....That comes with good and bad connotations

  • @junglekiity...

    and you're an ignorant person who hasn't a clue about social behaviour.

  • @Funbobby92 I like getting compliments, therefore I infer others do as well. I don't expect others (men or women) to shower me with compliments, but I appreciate them when they come, and I give my own compliments freely. Maybe I don't have a clue, but if I don't, then ignorance is truly bliss.

  • You are overthinking this. Just say we look nice, we will thank you, no harm no foul.

  • @junglekiity Right. And if we say the same thing about your hunchbacked friend, you will know that either our compliments are absolutely meaningless, or we consider you to be just as ugly. Surely, neither seems like a nice thing to say...

  • @jursle Not neccesarily. I know I will never be the hottest girl at the party, but a compliment still pleases me. And if you compliment my friend, whether she is hunchbacked or not, that will please me as well, because I like to hear my friends praised. If you are honest, and you don't condescend, you can't offend any reasonable woman with a compliment.

  • @junglekiity Yes, honest, that's exactly the point. Calling every woman pretty by definition makes you dishonest. Not every woman is pretty, so telling them they are is basically lying to them, and also makes the compliment meaningless. It's the same as saying nothing, or telling every woman she has eyes. It either means nothing or it's something every woman apparently has.

  • @jursle You make a good point: not every woman is pretty. However, I still argue that a smart woman will not take offense if you don't compliment her, but do compliment a friend. When I said to be honest, I just meant to say what you think. If you see a female friend, and you think to yourself "Wow, she looks especially nice today" then LET HER KNOW. You are already thinking it, you might as well say it out loud.

  • Excellent!

    Mitchell for Dent

    Webb for Prefect

    Gillan for Trillian

    and maybe Fielding for Zaphod

  • Give a bitch a complement.

    Bitches love complements.

    They don't seem to like being called 'bitch' though. I learned that the hard way.

  • @Saiga6 Too bad you didn't learn how to spell "compliment" as well.

  • @Saiga6 It's interesting that the female canines understood you at all.

  • How fucking tiresome. Mitchell is so above such inanity.

  • Just say it like you mean it and she'll buy it every time. You've wasted your time with this video. I can guarantee that women would still appreciate that compliment despite the truth behind it. If it ain't broke, don't fix it, I guess.

  • Of course, the mirror solution only works if the "target's" confidence in her own appearance is good enough for her to understand that this is in fact a compliment.

    The mirror is subjective. Indeed such a neutral and emotionless response might work, but it risks coming off cowardly, detached and subservient (and childish) where women might prefer a more dominant role.

    Maybe women like to be told how they look, like an order...

    But what do I know, right?

  • Surely showing them their appearance implies that there is something they need to see and sort out, such as a smudge or something stuck in their teeth.... whilst this system would work exceptionally once established the transmission period would be fairly awkward. For someone who thinks too much David, you don't think enough.

    ((Another amazing video, enjoyed it thoroughly.))

  • A mirror...

    Genius!

  • David my dear..... you think too much. ;^)

  • So funny xD - I also love how when u go too far info this subject it can cone across as vaguely sexist, but when David talks about it it just comes across as vaguely naive and out of total confusion lol

  • Anyone else having problems with youtube today?

  • love it this was hilarious and true! the trick is to complement specific things, like hair, etc. tell clara she has nice... shoes, or alternatively complain about the inclement weather!

  • I agree with the "You look nice today" compliment, when guys say it to me its like ...Oh so I dont look nice every other day?

  • i find it difficult to compliment people too :)

  • this was uploaded on my birthday :)

  • And I thought I overcomplicated things.

    Seems to me us Brits are pretty terrible at both giving and receiving compliments - certainly in comparison to Americans. Probably something to do with insecurity.

    And I suppose it's no surprise that DM can't fathom why he should say someone looks nice - probably because he never thinks it of himself, or has anyone say it to him. I'm not saying that to be mean: smart and funny though he is, he ain't exactly pretty.

  • @rubsley I agree with you. I'm British and live with Americans and they throw compliments around. Can't help but feel uncomfortable

  • David David David, complement the ugly chick.

  • loving the neurotic cynicism

  • this is brilliant

  • Quoting David's rants in the comments is fine, and lots of people seem to like doing it for some reason - but could everyone else please refrain from giving those comments a thumbs-up and thereby placing the quotes at the top, ensuring anyone who has not already seen this rant will get to read one of the funnier lines before they hear it.

    David ultimately delivers it much better than any text comment, especially as he avoids including "hahahaha" and/or "lol".

  • @sonny2020 Freesom of speech mutha fucka!!

  • @sonny2020 Freedom of speech mutha fucka!!

  • @CFCAlexHs woahh there is no need to swear for tht.

  • "Clara, you're also here."

  • How stereotypically British. This fear of saying the wrong thing or over-analysing the underlying meaning of anything. I love the British. :-)

  • David, what you do is always tell you wife or partner she looks fantastic, NEVER EVER compliment another womans appearance and if you must praise another women tell her she told an interesting story or you like her views on whatever she is talking about.

  • @WillShakespeare2007 he hasn't got a wife

  • @mrfrankincense - That's why I said wife or partner and I was talking in general terms. I was simply saying I don't think you should compliment friends or colleagues on how they look, it's weird. Only your other half, your mum, your sister or someone that you are attracted to. You look "pretty" or "nice" means "I fancy you", doesn't it? He's right to think it's an awkward thing to do as it is, for both parties. Just my view on the topic.

  • God, it's scary to have someone who feels almost exactly the same way as you isn't it?

  • Honesty is the best policy.

    It doesn't make you many friends, but then the next week when they're not acting like hot shit because you told them exactly how bad they look, they have you to thank for them not embarrassing themselves again.

    There is a Dark Knight quote that would fit in quite well here.

  • @ihavenokegson sorry if im stupid but what quote?:) i got qurious

  • @ihavenokegson sorry if im stupid but what quote?:) i got curious

  • what's his problem! lol

  • clip starts at 0:10

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  • just awsome

    

  • That is a great tip.

  • Clara, you're also here... I almost spat my food out at this line :D

  • I'm so clumsy at accepting compliments... "that dress looks great on you!"

    me: "I know... that's why I bought it". And later it occurs to me that I should have said "thank you" or something...

  • There's an easy way for guys to know when to compliment a woman on her appearance. If she likes you (wife, gf, currently stripping for you) or is getting paid to act like she likes you (pro, stripper) then she will assume good intentions. If you don't know whether she likes you, then at best it will be seen as cheap flattery.

  • This tempted me to make a video about what this line of thought reveals about David Mitchell, but then realised it would be pointless.... like this video...