Response to "Domestic Violence in Japan: What Would You Do?"

[gernerstrom]

What a horrifying experience for you. My condolences. You are correct about the inefficacy of the police. Likewise, there are no real laws to protect abused children, and it goes on constantly.

[xxmightyonexx]

From what I've heard from other travelers it's true that you have to be concerned about how you will be perceived, regarding assault. This whole incident is reminiscent of older eras in America -- very sorry this happened to you and thank you for this video & ur calm insight.

Wonder if there are women's shelters in Japan? Even ones started by foreigners (as I've seen in India & Middle East). Japan is a 1st world, but issues like racism, bullying, sex discrimination, etc. still run amuck.

[albcoyote]

Glad you got out of that situation!

[ocarinabunny]

i wanted to do a video response back then, but my ex had found this channel too. my current username was new back then, i deleted everything i used to have to hide from him, but he still found me. and if he saw me speaking out, i was afraid he'd hurt me or my family.

maybe i'll make a response one day. > <

[ocarinabunny]

thank you for helping me, ren.

[ocarinabunny]

i watched this may first of this year.

i just wanted to tell you how much i admire you. in a way, you saved me from an abusive relationship. after watching this video i just was like, "huh.. i'm not the only one. and this isn't right." i kept cutting my ex off ever since and after a year and a half of abuse, he threatened to kill me with a knife when i was walking home a few days ago.. it's so scary for someone to just switch in an instant. i'm sorry you had to go through this too.

[milkjamjuice]

@ocarinabunny Hey, thanks for the comment. Have you looked into getting a restraining order? That might be a very good idea in your situation. I'm not sure what country you're in, but I know just the INTENT of violence can at least get you thrown in a mental hospital for a week or so in the States.

[ocarinabunny]

@milkjamjuice i've talked with my mom about it, not really sure how to go into it, but i can't do it unless i have a written threat or something...? and he is just absolutely insane, think it would make him just do murder-suicide on my family. ah, young love.

and i would worry about his friends coming to get me. i think i should just going to lay low until i can go away to school.

thank you for the suggestion. i need to look into it and think about it really hard before i consider.

[joebenevides]

I'm glad you got away from that mess. Your advice to video tape and call the police is wise. What you said about possibly getting into trouble yourself because you're gaijin was spot on! Last spring, because Victor asked "what would you do?" I commented that gaijin getting physically involved like he did was frowned upon by Japanese authorities and gaijin have been deported for less. Victor flipped out, got defensive and was still leaving comments on my channel 2 months later. I blocked him.

[ishiodai]

he is your fiance?? he never hit injured you before this time?

[milkjamjuice]

@ishiodai past tense. was.  He started after we moved in together.

[teutonicpenguin]

Wow that's an insane story. I'm glad you didn't become a doormat and stay with him like some people. No one deserves that treatment.

[SilentScreamer18]

holy shit, i cant believe u put up with such an ignorant man and the police officers. you have rights in japan just as japanese people. im sorry u had to go thru such a horrid experience but if something like this ever happened again, gauge his eyes out. im a foreigner in tokyo as well, i see this shit all the time. DV needs to stop! be careful

[SilverGunZoO]

"you must be bleeding for us to do something"

that's so fucking stupid, that means I can beat the shit out of everyone on the street, and hit them in the stomach and never draw blood, and if there's no witnesses I can get away with it ? WHAT THE FUCK, that's so stupid, retarded police, incompetent police

[TheSleeplessArtist]

Wow that guys a douche

[J0shuaG0]

How could anyone want to hurt you?? =0 You are awesome!....as far as I know.

[milkjamjuice]

@PrettyTigerlilly I can agree with you here to a point. While I think some men are prone to being that way and society does nearly nothing to deter them, I wouldn't constrain it to the Asian population.

[PrettyTigerlilly]

@PrettyTigerlilly I dated a Korean and a Japanese guy. The Korean was so overprotective he would follow me everywhere in his car, he had to know every place I went to, even when I was in a coffee shop with female friends. 2 of my other friends have had similar problems with their Korean bf's. The Japanese man would call his mom every night and violently slam the bedroom door in my face because he didn't want me listening, even though I don't speak Japanese. He also critisized everything I did.

[Fierag]

@PrettyTigerlilly I'm disappointed that a what a few asian men did lets you speak for the whole group. Idc what  you race is,personalities are a human thing, not racial

[PrettyTigerlilly]

Same goes for my best friend, so it can't just be coincidence...

[Ozznize]

here is a quick course of Krav maga for all you ladies in this situation: Scratch eyes, hit throat, hit & kick balls.

man down.

[milkjamjuice]

@Ozznize Theoretically this is perfect. Unfortunately, as an example from my own life, the situation isn't always favorable. I avoided striking back at him in fear that he would double back and claim that -I- was the one being violent towards him and to be honest... In Japan, it's MUCH more likely that the police are going to believe a Japanese person over a foreigner. I don't exactly relish being convicted of things I didn't do but am guilty of because I'm not Japanese enough.

[Ozznize]

@milkjamjuice you are totally right and i was just generalizing. cops always tend to side more with native people if there is a possibility to do that. though i think that the nordic/scandinavian countries differ a bit since the cops are quite fair. could you be charged if you strike back but dont end up drawing blood like he didnt?

[milkjamjuice]

@Ozznize I'm sure I could if he decided to press charges?? Not sure, actually.

[alynn1990]

maybe this doesnt make sense but heres how it works...in Asia(in general) men are like the leader of the family & yes women do get beaten(not all),& why police dont care? its bc they most likely think "oh it's family business" unlike the US where they go "Sir please come with us."....it's like hitting kids like the US thats child abuse but in Asia its "teaching a lesson".....does that make sense? but yeah not all asians are abusive

[chuchabutcha]

You are a beautiful woman :) I am in awe of your strength. Thank you for sharing your story in such a level-headed way to show you are not "just being overemotional/sensitive" as some men like to think women are when they've hurt us. God Bless! :)

[reinoheya]

I am so sorry to hear about your experiences with your ex..

[InnocenceExperience]

*to put it a bit more gently, maybe they should have given him a bed for the night at the police station.

[InnocenceExperience]

Even if they couldn't prosecute, maybe they should have thrown him in the cells for a night because its too risky to put you back in with him and you were obviously scared... and since he was out of order, it'll give him a chance to calm down and think about it.

Well done for getting out of the relationship and being brave to talk about it.

[xartesiax]

OMG that's shocking...I am so sorry for what you have been through and I'm glad that you got away from him! Thank you for sharing your personal story with us =)

[hamidious]

To be honest, I like the Japanese style, they probably think these matters shouldn't be solved by the state, but rather by the community and the families of the people involved. So they won't interfere without making sure there's a big risk of physical harm.

It is easy to overreact in those situations and police might actually make matters worse.

In your situation, they probably thought even though you were abused, you weren't in real danger so they didn't think it is their work.

[milkjamjuice]

@hamidious

abused = not in any real danger?

Wait... what?

How can an abused person NOT be in any danger? Please explain because I don't think I understand what you're trying to say.

[hamidious]

@milkjamjuice

If police step in, or there's persecution, there's no chance of reconciliation anymore.

So I think people should be given a chance to resolve their own problems first with the help of friends/family if needed. That's probably why police act that way in Japan.

The officers didn't think you would suffer an injury or that your life was in danger and that guy just needed to calm down and you two would be OK. Sorry you had to go through that since they were wrong and it continued.

[milkjamjuice]

@hamidious Oh, okay. Our opinions are different but I understand what you mean now. Thanks for clarifying. :)

[wadams19]

@milkjamjuice

watch?v=OpsImrbLNbI&NR=1&featu­re=fvwp

[Uwoiame]

@hamidious she had already decided to call the police, so it should be assumed that she's willing to bear the consequences of, say, the relationship ending. Even if someone falsely alleges that they are being abused, they should be given the benefit of the doubt, which in this case would have probably meant separating them. Safety should be the police's primary concern, and she was not safe. Who's to say that her ex wasn't about to lose it entirely

[morelibations]

@hamidious I really do hope you are one day brutally killed by your spouse/significant other. Enjoy :D

[juggy2006]

@hamidious its the same in the UK, the police won't get involved unless someone is in danger. You have to take it to a civil court or sort it amongst your selves.

[giugnhgbvinierngvb89]

try martial arts and wish u will never have to use it

[PictureImaDreamr]

I'm so sorry this happened to you, but I'm glad that you've come out on top. My question is was there ever any warning before the actual attack that your ex-fiance was violent?

[milkjamjuice]

@PictureImaDreamr

I won't get into details, but there were signs things weren't quite.... "right," with his general behavior. Before I moved in with him I just thought he was an adorable weirdo, maybe slightly misguided, but was seeing a professional to work things out. It's the kind of behavior that if I see it now, it's possible that it COULD be benign but I never stay around long enough to wait and see. Been there, done that.

[OngakuZukiSan]

That's frustrating. One of few inefficient things about Japan.

[DeaNovo]

Thats awful. I am at a loss of words. Im happy you got away from that guy. If you where my friend things would have ended differently. Trust me.

[sayonaramilktea]

i know commented before when you posted this [elsewhere], but i was really moved!! thank you for sharing and i hope others will see this as well. i'll be carrying my camera....

[lunaryu08]

in japan , we've never seen men hit women. sorry .I've never hit female.my parents never fight each other. almost of all Japanese think about ourselves , to do violence is only mafia.never to do violence is ordinary people. Once doing violence happened we're not able to live ordinary world. That is very severe in japan.

[stana079]

I am so glad you are still alve!! Most white women end up with death in Japan Check past news regarding white women killed by Japanese men. Japanese men get so angry once they feel they can't control women!!

[wadams19]

1) You're not stupid.

I think there are just different approaches to law-cultural norms backed by force-around the world. In the US, with just a allegation of domestic assault, the two parties are separated for up to 24 hours.

Questions about Japan: Do you see those charity walks condemning domestic violence? How about walks for cancer? I would guess that those private issues aren't part of public discussion. Would people even show up in public for those causes?

2) Wait, so you're single?

[milkjamjuice]

@wadams19

I've seen charity walks for various causes here but none in particular for domestic violence. Then again, I haven't been looking very hard so there could be one I'm not sure of.

Yeah, I'm single. Lucky for me I was able to realize what was going on before ending up in a marriage with this character.

[bellesalvia]

JMO, its not always possible to video record, audio recording might be possible without being noticed by the attacker. I once faked crying to stop an attack, it also won me more sympathy. Visit a doctor to keep a record, take photos of your bruises at the doctor's office so he/she is a witness. Find an upstanding older sympathetic Japanese citizen who can maybe keep a diary of your story if you are stalked and be a character witness. Emergency numbers should be on speed dial.

[OfLaSoul]

That's quite brave of you to tell your story. I can only hope that others do as well and that we don't stand for this anymore.

[KyonKun0993]

You're so right! What the police did was just not fair for you, I'm sorry to hear that. I don't get why people act that way, but I think you had the right to fight back as self-defense.

You are very eloquent, your story is very touching, thanks for sharing :]

[Gimmeaflakeman]

Video response for you. Please approve. Great vid. Happy to meet you .

[soichirokun]

that moron would be in jail if this happened in Spain. It is depressing that laws concerning DV in Japan are so ridiculously weak. I don't know any stats about DV in Japan, don't know if it is low, high, or it is just concealed due to moral or sth, but people has to stand up and claim for better awareness on this terrible issue. ZERO TOLERANCE TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!

[MSXFireHawk]

I'm so sorry to hear that from you. I have some friends who had almost the same experience as you. Unfortunately, here in Japan things don't work well for foreigners. I hope you're feeling better now, you're an awesome person and you don't deserve to pass through that kind of situation. Please, take care there...

[milkjamjuice]

@MSXFireHawk It's okay now actually. I don't let it get to me anymore so that I help others. :D

[JapanAndThings]

Laws concerning DV are weak. Police don`t/can`t do much about stalking, as well. As an exchange student, the teachers told me that one of the past students was being stalked by some foreign guy, they reported it, and the guy got deported (based on other, non-related violations). However, if the stalker is Japanese, it seems like nothing can be done unless you`re physically harmed (and there`s clear evidence that the attacker was the stalker).

[Androphilian]

I have no relevant experience with this, but wow you were dealing with a prime example of a sociopath.

[CAROHAN2010]

I think in most cases of DV, the lack of evidence after the police arrives, leaves them powerless to do much based on the legal framework. What they should've done however in your case, was asking if they should escort you back into the appartment, so you could've packed and leave the guy without getting assaulted again. And ofcourse ask you if you want to press charges against your fiancee.