PART 4 Generally, they remain unaware of this state of affairs and play the game out to the end, punishing anyone who challenges their defensive posture"
PART 3 There are forces—both familial and societal—that support the idealization of family, reinforce people's negative views of themselves, and keep them moving in the direction of their conventionally programmed destiny. Compliance with this programming diminishes people's lives. Individuals in effect perform for others and are more concerned with image than the actuality of their experience and the gratification of their needs and values.
PART 1 From Dr. Robert Firestone's book "Fear of Intimacy" "The fear of intimacy is not solely a fear of being close to another person, but also is based on existential fears. Being close to another in a loving relationship makes one aware that life is precious, but must eventually be surrendered. lf we embrace life, we must also face death's inevitability. Because of existential fears, most people avoid being original, being a real self.
PART 2 Occasionally, a rare individual does not conform to childhood conditioning processes, refuses traditional solutions, and develops into a genuine, feeling individual, realizing his or her potential as a human being.
However, most people achieve little and separation from their original programming. To the extent that they are blindly following the course laid out by their parents, family members, and society, they are not really living their own lives.
(PART 1) From Dr Robert Firestone's book "Fear Of Intimacy"
"The fear of intimacy is not solely a fear of being close to another person, but also is based on existential fears. Being close to another in a loving relationship makes one aware that life is precious, but must eventually be surrendered. lf we embrace life, we must also face death's inevitability. Because of existential fears, most people avoid being original, being a real self.
The word "intimacy" stems from the Latin intimatus, to make something known to someone else. (Another derivation is the verb "intimate," which originally meant "to notify.") In its original meaning, in other words, intimacy did not mean emotional closeness, but the willingness to pass on honest information. (Charlotte Roberts)
Annie, I don't know how I missed this comment from a couple of months ago. You probably won't even remember the vid, but I just wanted to say thanks for watching and commenting.
I still have a few of these vids waiting to be polished and uploaded...maybe that says something about my fear of the subject...lol
I think we all set a level of closeness that we allow with others. The problem is when you only allow distant relationships. That would be my problem. Would a wall in your heart be fear? It may be something more.
I have a couple of friends who I see a clear pattern with, falling for those who are either unavailable or who live thousands of miles away (logistics, then, make them unavailable).
I guess at first it might seem safer (subconsciously...?)but it eventually winds up chipping away at their hearts.
They seem perplexed by how they can't find meaningful and lasting relationships. I have no idea how they might break the pattern, though. It's very complex, it seems.
Actually, I never thought about it until you posted the video that sparked the responses for this video. It got me thinking about it because I have a VERY hard time letting people get close to me...friendships, relationships and even with family.
It slowly developed over time but I just realized this about myself recently.
I seriously have a tough time allowing people to really get to know me, letting down my guard and sharing myself with someone.
It seems (and of course I could be wrong) that it's not a problem unless you feel lonely and that you're isolating yourself from others. If that's the case, I'd try to muster the courage to take more risks, whatever that means (laughing at myself, as if I know...)
Outstanding edit work Syd. I enjoyed the question. I am single with great memories of intimacy. I loved it. But letting someone get that close now seems like something at the bottom of the list of things to do. It is real work to get there. But oh so worth it.
Hopefully, I'll see the value in doing such hard work again. lol Right now, I'm pretty content being on my own, but you're right, it'll be worth it when the right person comes along and I'm ready for love again.
What a video. Honestly. I'm blown away here. Kudos to everyone to shared their thoughts. I love your idea with this. Genius. I can't wait to see more!
As for me, I fear intimacy. Sometimes. To be honest it all depends on who I am with. Sometimes I fear it so much I make sure it doesnt happen at all. And that can be a damper on any relationship.
Yeah, I guess it depends on how much you trust that person to open up and show every side of yourself. Ultimately, it seems the fear is that we'll do that and they'll run away! lol
This is, of course, a purely empirical view, but it seems all the couples I know have one person that seems to crave more intimacy than the other, and that seems to account for a lot of the tension in their relationship. Two people who fear intimacy hookin' up...What must THAT be like?
There's very much a disconnect but a love none the less. Hard to describe and many would think it's lacking. It probably is. Maybe not, though. You're right though, in spite of the fact that both parties in my relationships have been/are fearful of intimacy, there is one who shows more of an interest. Not crave though.
Rufus asked what this video was about and when I answered, "intimacy," he ran for the toaster, grabbed it in his mouth, and took off out the front door.
Oy.
For me, it's like Freeepeace said: A constant struggle.
omg the way you present this is amazing and all these brave people. I believe that what you doing is so important to many people in this world feel there alone and the only one and YOU are helping change that. Thank you!
Yes, brave souls indeed! Much braver than I (case you haven't noticed, I'm not yet sharing my own views here...lol)
Thanks for the support! I'm glad you see this as helpful to some people. I know that the editing process was one in which I learned a LOT just cuz I had to listen so intently.
This is outstanding, Syd. I could watch an entire 30 minute short film on this topic. As long as you directed it. Definitely left me wanting more, so I'm looking forward to future chronicles.
I could've put it all up in one swell foop (lol), but I figured I'd give those who are agonizing about intimacy in these vids a little breathing room. lol
Actually, I wanted to be able to respond to comments in some way in the last couple. There are about 8 vids altogether.
Syd That was amazing! the editing the concept and all the participants were fantastic (I'm gona check out all of these guy's)
Personally its the end of intimacy that scares me and the pain that leads to, this results in me avoiding intimacy. There is no greater feeling than when you have intimacy with someone and no worse feeling than the gaping wound if that end's.
Yeah, there's that trust that's obviously broken, in most cases, I guess.
I've managed to stay good friends with the one true love in my life(and the longest relationship I've had, actually) so that kind of helps, I guess, to have that person know you better than anyone and still be in your life and still is able, despite the break-up, to be compassionate and loving. That's probably rare, though.
hey syd...again, excellence, bravery, such raw emotion. i so appreciate everyones intimate answers. thanks so much for sharing these questions and answers. i look forward to more of the questions. take care. ciao for now.
Thank you. When you say you fear not getting the same thing back, does that mean you won't really be loved for who you are the way you'd love that person?
I like your style Syd. Intimacy for me is something that we do. The only thing about intimacy that creeps me out a little is when my partner can see some truth about me before I can. I don't know if I want someone to know me better than I know myself. I mean... what is she going to do with this information LoL
There's so much truth in that! I think we're scared that those we love wouldn't really love us if they knew the "hidden" self that we think is not so obvious. That's just my guess.
Thanks Holly. I have so much admiration for you for taking such a big risk and putting yourself out there- it's much more than I could do myself. Kudos to you.
I did come up with this, more as a fun way of exploring fears publicly, but it's gotten, at times to be a bit more intense than I anticipated. There are a couple of funny ones that have to do with intimacy coming up, just cuz that's more my style...ya know, using HUMOR to deflect the serious stuff. lol
PART 4 Generally, they remain unaware of this state of affairs and play the game out to the end, punishing anyone who challenges their defensive posture"
GnosisMan50 1 month ago
PART 3 There are forces—both familial and societal—that support the idealization of family, reinforce people's negative views of themselves, and keep them moving in the direction of their conventionally programmed destiny. Compliance with this programming diminishes people's lives. Individuals in effect perform for others and are more concerned with image than the actuality of their experience and the gratification of their needs and values.
GnosisMan50 1 month ago
PART 1 From Dr. Robert Firestone's book "Fear of Intimacy" "The fear of intimacy is not solely a fear of being close to another person, but also is based on existential fears. Being close to another in a loving relationship makes one aware that life is precious, but must eventually be surrendered. lf we embrace life, we must also face death's inevitability. Because of existential fears, most people avoid being original, being a real self.
GnosisMan50 1 month ago
Comment removed
GnosisMan50 1 month ago
PART 2 Occasionally, a rare individual does not conform to childhood conditioning processes, refuses traditional solutions, and develops into a genuine, feeling individual, realizing his or her potential as a human being.
However, most people achieve little and separation from their original programming. To the extent that they are blindly following the course laid out by their parents, family members, and society, they are not really living their own lives.
GnosisMan50 1 month ago
(PART 1) From Dr Robert Firestone's book "Fear Of Intimacy"
"The fear of intimacy is not solely a fear of being close to another person, but also is based on existential fears. Being close to another in a loving relationship makes one aware that life is precious, but must eventually be surrendered. lf we embrace life, we must also face death's inevitability. Because of existential fears, most people avoid being original, being a real self.
GnosisMan50 1 month ago
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Yep, there are a lot of wise heads here, sharing their views, intimately so, on intimacy or "into me see". Thanks. :-)
Steve
SelfHelpCollective 2 years ago
wow this is good.
maninwhitedress 3 years ago
Thanks!
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
The word "intimacy" stems from the Latin intimatus, to make something known to someone else. (Another derivation is the verb "intimate," which originally meant "to notify.") In its original meaning, in other words, intimacy did not mean emotional closeness, but the willingness to pass on honest information. (Charlotte Roberts)
MattBlytheTheOne 3 years ago
what a great idea/video...good work!
TheStepfordNews 3 years ago
Good video, and all the comments were equally good!
GrandpopPhiladelphia 3 years ago
Thanks. I still have a few more vids I just have to finish editing in this series...I'm getting lazy..lol
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
Hol is the epitome of intimacy in this video. But each person who lets down the barriers and shares their feelings here are being intimate.
inspectorjury 3 years ago
Hey Dave! Yes, it's true- Hol is the intimacy warrioress- the champion of romantic love, for sure, in episodes to come ;o)
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
Grammar Girl has temporarily taken over me when I say that I suddenly find it interesting how the following two words sound similar:
intimate
intimidate
And yet they are polar opposites...
And yet sometimes intimacy is intimidating...
(And did I screw up the spelling?)
anniehiggy 3 years ago
Annie, I don't know how I missed this comment from a couple of months ago. You probably won't even remember the vid, but I just wanted to say thanks for watching and commenting.
I still have a few of these vids waiting to be polished and uploaded...maybe that says something about my fear of the subject...lol
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
I think we all set a level of closeness that we allow with others. The problem is when you only allow distant relationships. That would be my problem. Would a wall in your heart be fear? It may be something more.
sabot96 3 years ago
I have a couple of friends who I see a clear pattern with, falling for those who are either unavailable or who live thousands of miles away (logistics, then, make them unavailable).
I guess at first it might seem safer (subconsciously...?)but it eventually winds up chipping away at their hearts.
They seem perplexed by how they can't find meaningful and lasting relationships. I have no idea how they might break the pattern, though. It's very complex, it seems.
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
I definitely fear intimacy. I didn't always feel this way...but I do now.
great video!
KimOsh72 3 years ago
Thanks
Is it something you just realized about yourself or something that has kind of slowly developed?
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
Actually, I never thought about it until you posted the video that sparked the responses for this video. It got me thinking about it because I have a VERY hard time letting people get close to me...friendships, relationships and even with family.
It slowly developed over time but I just realized this about myself recently.
I seriously have a tough time allowing people to really get to know me, letting down my guard and sharing myself with someone.
I'm alone and I feel safer this way.
KimOsh72 3 years ago
It seems (and of course I could be wrong) that it's not a problem unless you feel lonely and that you're isolating yourself from others. If that's the case, I'd try to muster the courage to take more risks, whatever that means (laughing at myself, as if I know...)
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
Outstanding edit work Syd. I enjoyed the question. I am single with great memories of intimacy. I loved it. But letting someone get that close now seems like something at the bottom of the list of things to do. It is real work to get there. But oh so worth it.
ydnarOrandy 3 years ago
Hopefully, I'll see the value in doing such hard work again. lol Right now, I'm pretty content being on my own, but you're right, it'll be worth it when the right person comes along and I'm ready for love again.
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
Whoa. This is an amazing series. Great so far. Really looking forward to more. Keep em coming.
freeepeace 3 years ago
If it's any good, it's because of YOU and the rest of those brave folks who participated. Once again, thanks!
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
What a video. Honestly. I'm blown away here. Kudos to everyone to shared their thoughts. I love your idea with this. Genius. I can't wait to see more!
As for me, I fear intimacy. Sometimes. To be honest it all depends on who I am with. Sometimes I fear it so much I make sure it doesnt happen at all. And that can be a damper on any relationship.
GrandeMochaLate 3 years ago
Yeah, I guess it depends on how much you trust that person to open up and show every side of yourself. Ultimately, it seems the fear is that we'll do that and they'll run away! lol
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
And thanks for the kind words!
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
Everyone whom I ever loved fears intimacy. Yes, absolutely. I fear it. Great video.
alphaba2 3 years ago
This is, of course, a purely empirical view, but it seems all the couples I know have one person that seems to crave more intimacy than the other, and that seems to account for a lot of the tension in their relationship. Two people who fear intimacy hookin' up...What must THAT be like?
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
There's very much a disconnect but a love none the less. Hard to describe and many would think it's lacking. It probably is. Maybe not, though. You're right though, in spite of the fact that both parties in my relationships have been/are fearful of intimacy, there is one who shows more of an interest. Not crave though.
alphaba2 3 years ago
yes, perhaps "crave" is too strong a word.
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
Rufus asked what this video was about and when I answered, "intimacy," he ran for the toaster, grabbed it in his mouth, and took off out the front door.
Oy.
For me, it's like Freeepeace said: A constant struggle.
-Curt
AskRufus 3 years ago
Well, he's got to resolve those issues for himself, which I know will be tough considering he's essentially got to make peace with his inner-hand.
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
omg the way you present this is amazing and all these brave people. I believe that what you doing is so important to many people in this world feel there alone and the only one and YOU are helping change that. Thank you!
fijayne06 3 years ago
Yes, brave souls indeed! Much braver than I (case you haven't noticed, I'm not yet sharing my own views here...lol)
Thanks for the support! I'm glad you see this as helpful to some people. I know that the editing process was one in which I learned a LOT just cuz I had to listen so intently.
Thanks for watching and commenting.
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
This is outstanding, Syd. I could watch an entire 30 minute short film on this topic. As long as you directed it. Definitely left me wanting more, so I'm looking forward to future chronicles.
musosf 3 years ago
I could've put it all up in one swell foop (lol), but I figured I'd give those who are agonizing about intimacy in these vids a little breathing room. lol
Actually, I wanted to be able to respond to comments in some way in the last couple. There are about 8 vids altogether.
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
Syd That was amazing! the editing the concept and all the participants were fantastic (I'm gona check out all of these guy's)
Personally its the end of intimacy that scares me and the pain that leads to, this results in me avoiding intimacy. There is no greater feeling than when you have intimacy with someone and no worse feeling than the gaping wound if that end's.
CoZzMiX 3 years ago
Yeah, there's that trust that's obviously broken, in most cases, I guess.
I've managed to stay good friends with the one true love in my life(and the longest relationship I've had, actually) so that kind of helps, I guess, to have that person know you better than anyone and still be in your life and still is able, despite the break-up, to be compassionate and loving. That's probably rare, though.
Thanks for the kind words, Howard.
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
Beautiful video Syd... damn.. now I'm thinking again!
ItalianStallionette 3 years ago
Oh noes!!! I did it again, lol. Payback's a bitch, eh?
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
I fear the ABSENCE of intimacy.
robtran 3 years ago 2
A lot of people do, it appears! :o)
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
Very well put together!
LissaMee 3 years ago 2
Thanks!! It's kind of a quilt of ideas, I'm hoping.
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
verrrrry interesting. insightful to see everyone's opinions juxtaposed.
machtsnicht 3 years ago 2
Yeah, I had to really listen to see the patterns in order to do so. Was an interesting process, one I learned a great deal from.
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
hey syd...again, excellence, bravery, such raw emotion. i so appreciate everyones intimate answers. thanks so much for sharing these questions and answers. i look forward to more of the questions. take care. ciao for now.
*tori*
torigirl35 3 years ago 2
I appreciate it, too. Everyone's so much braver than I am!! lol
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
Syd,
This video is just freakin awesome. Everytime, you put up a vid, it just keeps getting better. I can't wait for the next one.
PooHunny69 3 years ago 2
Thanks so much!! I'm so glad you like it and thanks for the kind words! Next one's comin' soon!
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
Syd... Wow!!! What an exelent production! I'm amazed!! Really, I love the way you're puting this together... the editing, the music, everything!
Intimacy: I love intimacy, but my fear is that the other person doesn't give the same that I'm giving :(
fridamorelia 3 years ago 2
Thank you. When you say you fear not getting the same thing back, does that mean you won't really be loved for who you are the way you'd love that person?
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
I like your style Syd. Intimacy for me is something that we do. The only thing about intimacy that creeps me out a little is when my partner can see some truth about me before I can. I don't know if I want someone to know me better than I know myself. I mean... what is she going to do with this information LoL
2of6Solutions 3 years ago 2
lol
There's so much truth in that! I think we're scared that those we love wouldn't really love us if they knew the "hidden" self that we think is not so obvious. That's just my guess.
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
Wonderful Syd!
Loved it
Holly
MelancholyMomma 3 years ago
Thanks Holly. I have so much admiration for you for taking such a big risk and putting yourself out there- it's much more than I could do myself. Kudos to you.
U2bianSynic 3 years ago
so did you come up with this fear chronicles idea? Because I like the idea.
JeeprzCreepers56 3 years ago
I did come up with this, more as a fun way of exploring fears publicly, but it's gotten, at times to be a bit more intense than I anticipated. There are a couple of funny ones that have to do with intimacy coming up, just cuz that's more my style...ya know, using HUMOR to deflect the serious stuff. lol
U2bianSynic 3 years ago