Added: 4 years ago
From: nyvz9lyvz
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  • the word we will now and always use is thirsty not hydrate we made that fucking word up!

  • 3:44 - 3:50 LOL

  • have you had deerpark water? it tastes like a deer bathed in it.

  • my pee has no color!

  • 6:36 XD that's so fucking true

  • I lve this!!! I cannot not watch this without laughing every time I do!!!!!

  • 8 bottles? How big? 1 liter? Yeah, that’s not much different from a ass-hose. ^^

  • @icthruu4evr This HBO special was pale in comparison to his Rules Of Enragement album, which had the same material, but better.

  • i like how he drinks bottled water the whole time

  • umm water 

  • LOL,this guy is too funny. Funny in a sad way though,cause what he says is true

  • Anybody else drinking water while watching this?

  • @princehillanbrand9 I'm drinking coffee.

  • Now I understand why Black is always so angry. He works his ass off to provide some good social criticism and what do these idiotic morons do? Dumbly laugh at it and go about their merry way without changing fuck shit. I guess they are nothing but pieces of meat with eyes after all.

  • Watching this makes me thirsty, time to get a glass of water:)

  • That was entertaining *sips water

  • @dobba92 I hate to disappoint you, but his second general rule of health involved masturbation and a rectal thermometer.

  • @chrisjt86 What was the exact quote since it was cut out from the video?

  • Oh, and: Proteins: The less heated, the healthier *and* the tastier! Awesome deal, if you ask me. (Look up slow cooking, which is the top chef’s second secret to mind-boggingly awesome meat. The first secret to great food is *freshness*, *freshness*, *freshness*. If it has got a list of ingredients, or is pure like an extract (like sugar), don’t touch it.)

  • No Lewis. *You* don’t know. :) I do know. It’s just that companies love to tell you lies to make money. Even if that kills you. And doctors get their opinions from magazines made by *the same damn companies*!

    Thing is: You can research things for yourself. Starting with Dr. M. O. Bruker’s great book teaching the chemistry behind it and how nutrition got fucked up by greedy companies. Quick quide: Carbohydrates: The longer the better. So: Sugars: Bad. Fats: Good! Vital substances: Vital. Duh. :)

  • @dobba92: You fail at life. Because you not only agree to be censored by religious terrorists. Nooo. You… *censor yourself*. I can not even begin to describe how big of a failure that is. Seriously. The mental lapse to accomplish this level of delusion is staggering!

  • @Evi1M4chine2 Wtf? lol

  • oh fuck my pee has no color either

  • 73 people drink 8 bottles of water a day and enjoy driving to the market to look for water like our ancestors did.

  • 7:20-7:33 the best part ever

  • damn, now whenever I drink water I want it to have chunks of fat in it

  • This man is my God. His word is Gospel. Lewis Black, forgive us our sins and deliver us from bullshit.

  • notice how he points to god when he says "PRICKS LIVE FOREVER!"

  • At 3:56, I found a type of water with chunks of coconut in it. I wonder if he knows about that.

  • "at the end of the week you shold take a garden hose and.. shove it up your ass"

  • "because WE... are all like snowflakes!" hahaha aww :)

  • 4:08 I'm still lookin' for that fatty water, too, because that's the tasty shit.

  • 72 people for at the fat content on the label.

  • take a garden hose and shove it up your ass

  • The 72 people who disliked,like spring water.

  • lmao he almost laughed @ 9:30 right before saying snowflakes LOL

  • @schmendriks "Negro"? Sorry, but your attempt to appear non-racist has FAILED. Either that or you are way out of touch b/c the term is black or African American.

  • @redball81 I'm sorry, but if you are American...then you are AMERICAN!!! Why do you have to stick African in front of it? Now who is throwing race into the mix?

  • @maegann1196 Um b/c race still matters in America, for better or (and usually) for worse.

    I'm sorry but you can be American AND be Irish/Italian/African/Anywhere American. It's about cherishing all the identities that comprise our US of A.

  • @redball81 Therefore aren't you segregating yourself? You are creating the very problem you say you are against. I know when I see a black person I don't think African American...or when I meet an Italian person don't think Italian American, I think American.

  • @maegann1196 I'd consider it self-segregation if you then make a point of only hanging out with people who are Irish/Italian/African American like you. I don't think using outdated/offensive terms, like Negro or Oriental, is at all similar to taking pride in your heritage. You want people to just forget their heritage and culture? I think it's great that Italian Americans take pride in that and are friends witih me and might cook me some yummy authentic Italian dishes once in a while :).

  • i drank fresh mountain springwater that was coming out of rocks myself when we climbed a mountain in military service time.

  • Looks like he was fighting to stay in character at :48

  • Anybody who actually took the time to click the DISLIKE button is a FUCKNUT!

  • @TheHockeyCentral And needs Lewis to do a stand up about them

  • You know, I think I've met the people that are "meat with eyes."

  • @renrenpink Join the club

  • "I want to look for water, like my ancestors did!"

  • Lewis Black is even better while high.......

  • @tylerdurden4495 Of all the things I've watched while high I've never thought to watch Lew. What the fuck have I been doing?!!?

  • No one tells it like it is like Lewis Black. Expose the hypocracy Lewis!!!!

  • 72 people are coke and pepsi.

  • Tap water in WA tastes better than bottled water, IMO.

    Most bottled water is literally just repackaged tap water anyway.

  • The good die young.. but pricks live FOREVER

  • AS IF THEYRE CROSSING THE GODDAMN MOJAVE lmao

  • only lewis black could go on for 10 minutes about water. its awesome. total genius

  • Because whenever I think clean water, oh yeah, I fucking think Coke and Pepsi

  • What kind of western country doesn't have perfectly drinkable tap water? I mean holy shit it's not hard.

  • Lewis Black has the greatest rants of all times!

  • LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME!! MY PEE HAS NO COLOR. Lmfao well I'm picky about my water; not terribly though as long as it's not tap water or spring water I'll drink it. lol but seriously I want to meet the person who drinks eight bottles a day. That just seems like way too much. I drink about half a liter per day on average, unless I'm working out a lot or just really thirsty-which happens a lot here in AZ-and even then still just a liter, and that's enough to last me the whole day/evening.

  • The word is and always will be "thirsty" Not "hydrate". They made that fucking word up. Me and my wife found this show to be the funniest ever stand up. Took me a while to convince her that he's not really that angry in real life. As far as I know.

  • only a guy like lewis black could talk shit about water for 10 minutes.

  • I think I'm going to go for the "shoving a garden hose up your ass" route. That just sounds like fun, lol.

  • @melswanson502 i bet it does queer lol

  • Lewis Black for president!

  • Really think about what he is saying, why do we buy and drink bottled water when it comes right to the house, it has as long as i have been alive!!! yeah in emergency situations sure, but i remember drinking out of the water hose, even an old pump well when i was little!!! Now my kids wont drink water unless its bottled and we have great water where we live!!!! Jesus the new world is shiiitttt!!!!

  • @rockbandfreak1995

    Because tap water is nasty shit with all kinds of nasty shit in it!! At least where I live. (AZ) lol

  • what that implies is that there's water with chunks of fat in it and I gotta find that water because that's the tasty god damn water

  • the 72 dislikes for this probably drink tons of bottled water, and can total fat fuck off.

  • @msgsudz

    Nah they are all the people from Coke and Pepsi!!!!

  • "The word is and has and will always be THIRSTY! Not hydrate. They made that fuckin word up!@

  • funniest fucking thing ever.. :)

  • what the fuck are we supposed to do? If we drink 56 bottles a week, wouldn't that cause a lot of pollution with all the plastic? And we're supposed to eat salads with vegetables, but there's a recall every other week for E Coli or some shit!! What the hell!!!??

  • the essence of a great comic, taking something so simple and making it so funny!

  • Dude I'm laughing so much right now I don't even know how I managed to type this hahahahaha.

  • "The Good die young, but PRICKS.....LIVE FOREVER!" Classic Black.

  • water with chunks of fat in it....

  • The law requires the nutrition labels.. still funny though.

  • cause when I think clean water oh yeah i fucking think coke and pepsi

  • 4 out of 5 doctors recommend water shoved up your ass

    1 out of 5 is pounding his head on a wall

  • 2 general rules of health. the good die young, but pricks live forever!!!!!!

    HAHA

  • My pee has no color!!!!!! LMFAO!!!!!!

  • @TerryC65 lol

  • Can't believe it took me this long to find this dude.

  • were probably drinking to much water and by the sound of your reactions i realize some of you are FUCKED 

    lol<33

  • 00:42 made me spill my drink all over the keyboard.

  • this is the only guy who can make milk and water hilarious

  • The word is thirsty ladies and gentlemen. NOT hydrate! They made that fuckin' word up.

  • You can pretty much eat anything you want as long as you stay active and don't sit on your ass all day. Diets don't really amount to shit.

  • @ninjast4r not really

  • @BigFlats01 Uh, yeah you can. There are people out there that don't necessarily work out, but they do hard work and stay busy, and they live to be a ripe old age. My grandfather lived to be in his nineties, and he certainly didn't eat right. He worked two jobs when he did work, and when he retired, he kept was constantly working on home improvement projects. QED.

  • @ninjast4r you might not become some morbidly obese person..but just because you eat like crap and burn off the calories and still be massively unhealthy..heart disease, high cholesterol, diabetes, you name it.

  • "No!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!"

  • Written in crayon... with the R reversed... and a finger, like this!

    LMAO

  • And by the sound of your reaction, I realized that some of you... are FUCKED!!!! lmfao

  • You are fucking right on.

  • yelling look at me look at me ...MY PEE HAS NO COLOR funniest guy alive lol

  • Because when I think of "clean" water, OH Yeah, I think of Coke and Pepsi! LMAO!!! Black is so halarious!!

  • "You need a burro to carry that much shit around."

  • 0:28. pls disregard this comment

  • He makes me want to drink water

  • Our country had water, coming to our homes. And even if we were locked out we could get it....clean water and we said NO!! FUCK YOU!! I DONT WANT IT TO BE SO GODDAMN CONVENIENT!!!

  • how in the hell does he not have a heart attack every show

  • @taylor6112

    most of this might just be acting.

  • @JoeMamaNewAccount Actually, he said that he starts his jokes small, and he just keeps going until he can't anymore. So I would say it's not acting. It's his persona with his jokes.

  • Funny that he's ranting about bottled water but seems to have bought the BS about municipal water being undrinkable...

  • I love Lewis Black, but am I the only one who noticed that he is drinking Fuji water? Not only bottled, but shipped half away around the world it is the worst bottled water for the environment. Bring out the garden hose Lewis.

  • It's called a prop.

  • @emzyk Lol yeah, I recognize that square bottle anywhere

  • hahahaha

  • I'm a snowflake! :P

  • Evian spelled backwards is NAIVE.

  • The good die young, but pricks live forever!

  • No comparison between Black and Carlin. With Carlin I can't even crack a smile. Lewis makes me piss myself regardless of the subject.

  • oh god I piss myself on both of them...why can't you smile listening to Carlin?

  • Hopefully he is not the last of Carlin's legacy. May future comics follow.

  • @randy8855 you don't know shit... that is obvious.. yes, Black is funny, but Carlin was just as funny

  • no F***king way

  • Yeah I agree about the Carlin comparison. Carlin was my favorite living comedian, now very sadly because Carlin died, it's Black. :) I hope jon stewart does some stand up, he's a really smart funny guy too

  • Actually he did standup a long time ago. I forgot the name but it was around 1997, some of it should be on YouTube.

  • I know, I mean, with the current state of things along with all he's learned and observed in the last decade.

  • only lewis black could talk about water for about 10 minutes.

  • He's got kind of a george carlin style of comedy to him, he doesnt use like the mic as a prop or objects as props, hes more of a story teller. Lewis Black is hillarious.

  • "look my pee has no color"

    "thats because you pissed all the nutrients away"

  • XD!!

    This STILL cracks me up something awful.

    Lewis Black is funny as hell!!

  • He looks like Teller.

  • But pricks live forever

  • It's like he knows me...

  • I used to get by on maybe a glass a day of water and maybe stick my head under the faucet and lap some until I wasn't thirsty. That's when I was younger. Any more If I don't get a gallon or more or if I even trickle with sweat I start dieing. The government has put some kind of thirst maker in the water. Maybe it's the leftover fluoride from the train that rolled in the 50's? I do know the ground water is completely contaminated because of the fuel additives and the leaking storage tanks. Cow.

  • I could get clean water and drink it MMMMM. ;)

  • i got this show on DVD his fucking amazing ... if u did like this guy u should fucking try. Rodney Carrington and Stephen lynch too.. they are FUCKING AMAZING too..

  • nice FIJI water bottle.

  • Total Fuck Fat. :)

  • @Robb8709 Because when I think of "clean water", oh yeah I think of coke and pepsi! LMAO! Black is halarious!

  • @Robb8709 3:54 LOL

  • "...AS IF THEY'RE CROSSING THE GODDAMN MOJAVE!!!!"

    HAHA I can't stop laughing at this!!!

  • carrying water in a sling..as if, it was a little baby. lmao

  • @jdfan1989 I use that line when people at my bar drink a lot of water.  It always gets a laugh! LEWIS BLACK RULES!

  • @jdfan1989 Yeah, that's by far my favorite line in this clip. Just the way he says it is EPIC!

  • "Because we... are all like snowflakes."

    ROFL!!

  • The nutritional value of water is IT'S FUCKING WATER!

  • WTF are you eve n talking about?

  • "Total Fat......Total Fuck Fat in water!!"

  • "Scientists have begun to experiment to find the effects of water on our system and guess what. We're probably drinking too much water. And by the sound of your reaction I realize that some of you... ARE FUCKED!"

  • ahahahha PEOPLE CROSS THE NEW YORK STREETS AS IF THEY ARE ACTUALLY CROSSING THE GODDAMN MOJAVE!

  • "Our country, had water, coming to our homes. And even if we were locked out, we could still get it. Clean water and we said 'NO... FUCK YOU!! I DON'T WANT IT TO BE THAT GOD-DAMN CONVENIENT! I wanna drive, and drive, and drive, and look for water. Like my ancestors did."

    Very true today. Lewis Black for President!

  • This made me thirsty. Time to get some sodium-fluoride in my system.

  • 9:32 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH listen to the lady pissing herself HAHAHAH

  • Hehe, nice

  • The Good die young, But pricks live forever!!!! hahaha that is so true...

  • lol, i just saw him tonight, he was in town, he was so hilarious.

  • "You've been scarfing this shit down. You've been screaming 'Look at me! Look at me! My pee has no color!'" :)

  • But then they started bottling water and once they started bottling water they said 8 bottles a day! 8! 8 You fuckers!! That's 56 bottles of water a week. You need a borough to carry that much shit around! And many doctors say if you don't drink 56 bottles a week, at the end of the week, you should take a gardening hose and shove it up your ass. Hahaha!!! So fucking hilarious!

  • Eight! EIGHT, you fuckers!!

  • he is the best lol

  • We are nothing more than meat with eyes

  • isn't drinking more than 3 litres a day dangerous. My guess is that the bottles are around half a litre so that would mean that those who do it are drinking more than 4 litres. sounds to much to me.

  • Well, as far as I remember we daily lose about 3,5 liters a day, and every day we need to get it back so our bodies keep having enough fluids...

  • As far as I remember it was something like 2 litres. It definitely varies depending where you are from. maybe I am thinking more in terms of a couple of hours.

  • Yeah it varies according to where you live, wether the climate is warm or cold, and of course it also varies from person to person. A bodybuilder for instance loses more fluids than the average. I just remember that a 3.5 liters is average where I live (Denmark), and in Japan I think too...

  • What about rule nr 2? lol

    Rule 1) The good die young, but pricks live forever.

    So what about nr 2? xD

  • The 2nd rule is (I believe this is the actual quote) "If you masturbate...*laughs*...if you masturbate 20 times a day...you'll never make it out the front door. You might make it to the door, but when you grab the handle, you'll fall down."

  • Thanks a lot :)