LIVING WITH BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER

[brilheaint]

i said a prayer for you today

[EKProductions123]

Im actaully surprised i dont have pbd.. o.o well i feel like i do but i dont know if i do.. i get angary for no reason.. at random times

[FiFimuzo]

i can totally understand and relate to this...i have BPD and I go through this as well

[marielfogh]

name of music? wow :)

[sauroid1]

BPD with substance abuse is a toxic combination. Grew up in such a situation. There comes a time when it is every man for himself. Intellectually I somewhat understand this condition, emotionally I can't and am not at the stage where I can forgive. The shear savagery of this person, and the things that were said and done when I was a child, will be with me until death.

[tinian33]

Keep them at arm's length. Disorder or not, the quality of my life shouldn't suffer because of someone else with this crap.

[psementalist]

Amen nobody ask to be like this its just how we are made .

[IpercuboX]

I hope you are happy today because you and your video make happy me :)

[annmariewoodley]

my ex hates me that hurts coz i still love him.... im now dating a woman to c if its men that make me feel like this but i just shut myself away and now i dare not love im just cold coz i dont wana get hurt agen.... i wish there was a cure a really do

[annmariewoodley]

kills me to watch this video i made ... dont do drugs since i ad my baby but all my feelings r still there n strong as ever.... me n my partner split up bin nearly a year now im better than i was but still hurt all the time i did the rite fing dont fink we wiv bpd can have a relationship as much as we wanna be loved we cant be becoz of how we are

[annmariewoodley]

i created this video i dont think ill ever get well always fucking up

[annmariewoodley]

thankyou but life has changed again .... like always

[miissmiaa]

You bpd sufferers should come and talk to us other on MAPOFMATES!

[my4trackmachine]

positive vibes your way.

[matrixdk1973]

Lots of love and positive energy here from Stockholm...

[manda2626]

Well I keep mine to myself mostly, online sites an my shrink only who i speak about it. And find I take care of others over myself, I am always last. And I spent the last 3year caring for my grandmother dying of alzheimer's and felt for her an not myself the whole time, and spending that time with her loved. Don't make us out to be heartless because we hurt, we just over feel if anything.

[manda2626]

Thank you for this, as much hell as I go thru all I worry about is those around me having to deal with me? thank you for this:)

[illflywithyounow]

You guys should come and join us other bpd-sufferes at mapofmates. com :D Come and chat with us!

[Serenoj69]

If you look up DSM V you see that it is one of the traits. Not all will express this, but it is so frequent it is mentioned in the DSM V. So blanket statements like "borderlines feel too much empathy" are not in order and that is not what I have seen either.

[Evilrolfharris]

@Serenoj69 DSM V is due for release around 2014 ... the latest edition is DSM IV TR. Also the rumours are that Borderline will not be included in DSM V, to be replaced by "Emotional Dysregulation". Which is probably more accurate because the primary maladaption of the "borderline" is the inability to regulate emotional experiences and to exhibit maladaptive coping strategies.

[Serenoj69]

@Evilrolfharris Hi: That is a good thing. I agree with Emotional Dysregulation because it seems to describe best what happens in the brains of these people. Also, the Amygdala (which is the system for emotional dysregulation) indeed reacts quite different from than of non BPD people. I believe Paul Markovitz was the first one who came up with Emotional Dysregulation.

[tdevorse]

This is a heart-rending video, God bless your struggle and your courage

[happyorangeanimation]

I wish I had BPD and not NPD or CPD or whatever I have... Well, I wish I had none... Failing that, I wish I were dead...

[pjc2005]

so beautiful and honest. thank you.

[chickensexer69]

dose anyone know who sings this version of over the rainbow? it awesome.

[myothergem]

all the bpb vids on youtube r so gay. I have bpd n these vidz irritate me.

[MrHotshot613]

@MrSpemat a BPD sufferer is a person on steroids, if he is a bad person he is extremely bad, but if he is a good person he is extremely good.

[zoki742]

i have this , and feel so alone and depressed , if it wasnt for my son i would be dead. people r cruel to me and hate me for no reason , i cry so much sometimes i dont think i an cry anymore and medication deosnt really help oh nad those people that think we dont have feelings they are so so wrong .

[robduncan2000]

These people are EVIL. There is NO living with it.

[AmeerahDot]

To All Those Who Called Me Igorant Need To Shut The Hell Up. That's My Case With Bpd Ok. Im Newly Dianosged With This Now So Don't Come Try Tell Me What's What. I'm In Mentalization Based Thearphy At The Moment And This Is What My Psychologists Have Explained To. So Much For Having Empathy None Of U Showed Any To Me Or Even Try To Under Stand What My Comment Meant. Just Got All Defensive So Screw U

[SumoViking]

@Ameerahdot

What you have said is completely ignorant. Not all Borderlines lack empathy, yes there are some, but not always. There are hundreds of criteria to fit the category of Borderline Personality Disorder, lack of empathy is only one of them. You don't have to meet all of the hundreds of criteria to be diagnosed as BPD. Another common belief is that all Borderlines are sex addicts. Not the case. Some Borderlines may lack empathy, but many try their best, it may not be real, but at least t

[Serenoj69]

@adharcachan I know borderlines pretty well, so I know what I am talking about. I know the research quite well, so I know what I am talking about there too. In some articles of a Dutch borderliner (so to speak), who does pretty well with insightfull and thoughtfull videos I noticed him saying this: "It is difficult to live with a borderliner, but don't forget: it is even more difficult for us". He is not the first one who says this and it says so much about how they perceive the world.

[Serenoj69]

@Serenoj69 somehow, it is important that "we" should know how heavy it is for them which most if not all of the time seems to be what its about: about them. even if it is about us, it is still a bit more about them. That to me is the narcissistic state most of you seem to be in: "it is awful about me." Now: why do I need to know this?

And: how do you know (at least those saying this) how I feel. It is quite possible that I am much more empathic than you are..sigh...

[Serenoj69]

@Serenoj69 I'll continue...so I could feel your pain much better than you think you can feel mine or even than you feel your own pain. Anyways: I think it is not smart to say this because this is the first step to let us deny our feelings and to put yours in front of ours, I feel. Don't do it: it is useless and counterproductive. People are not fond of hypochondriacs for a reason. Because it is always about them, in this case, even when it for once was about us...Your loved ones...

[MrSinnisterUrge]

@Serenoj69 I agree with everything you've posted. BPDers are insanely paranoid, "ME" first people that would even make Mother Teresa kick them out. I've been with one for 1.75 years, long-distance but like 3 months away from finally meeting as we lived in diff countries. She was the best girl ever...we just clicked..she had few trouble communicating (we were both English speaking, I was American, she was Brit, so no language barrier), we were engaged w/in 9 mnths from the amazing days.

[MrSinnisterUrge]

@MrSinnisterUrge But there was NEVER any peace in her soul. It didn't help that my mom seems to be an HPD/BPD as well. I helped her when she trusted a complete stranger (my fiancee would trust a man with her heart) in re-filing her taxes after this person done them so badly to have gotten my mum audited. Unable to tell the IRS what happened, she had to pay a significant fine. I got her into college to try to pay off the lien with student loans and you would still think I was the worst.

[MrSinnisterUrge]

@MrSinnisterUrge Person on earth, ESPECIALLY when she found out about my "one", who ended up having BPD. I mean, she transferred, projected, inflamed any argument to Mt. Everest levels, me accidentially breaking a vase had the police come by before it was all over. Just to try to run off the xBPD or make me look selfish, when I was in the process of returning to University myself. I did a lot of her classwork to keep her in college, and consider this the PD SANDWICH I LIVED THROUGH.

[MrSinnisterUrge]

@MrSinnisterUrge Our r/s may not have started on the most optimal of footing..but we loved each other, and had great chemistry and things in common. Many things, not just mirroring, which will later show you just how insidious this illness/disorder is. And I'm sorry for the space. But we spent HOURS/DAYS on Skype, waking, sleeping, talking. I had employment issues, but it had driven me so much to get to her that I was trying to take ANYTHING...but EVERYONE was trying too.

[MrSinnisterUrge]

@MrSinnisterUrge But things started opening and I was set to meet her for the first time that Christmas. It was a lean summer as I was saving up and she gave me a small loan..for that loan and her Mid Eastern job that took complete advantage of her (they never sense danger from strangers as they are people pleasers FIRST AND FOREMOST...their need for positive attention means they don't question anything until they are comfortable)...but they were able to turn her against me rather quickly.

[MrSinnisterUrge]

@MrSinnisterUrge Plus, they were taking her into a vacation house in the mtns. Object constancy..she literally said she was going insane w/o me..never caching in the 14 hrs day we spent together for over a year on Skype/MSN and whatever we could find with a steady cam stream. She so needed ATTENTION she got drunk after a small row and cheated. She tried to lie about it...I mean this was SMALL..the things that upset THEM makes them question their whole existence, while it just makes you.

[MrSinnisterUrge]

Question your tactics and maybe sometimes the r/s..but that would take many incidents in a row. I mean, this person, just completely acted like the victim to hook him...every problem we had..she would feel the need to tell EVERYONE or let it be expressed in some way. As a man, I would be embarrassed running around talking about normal situations as girl problems...besides the suffocation..but even that wasn't THAT bad (it was, but I HAD EMPATHY, I UNDERSTOOD SHE NEEDED ME). But she abandoned

[MrSinnisterUrge]

Me after a bunch of dissociation, and calling the r/s an obsession and taking enough time to ensure the romance with my replacement blossomed. She pulled the biggest bride burner act imaginable. I was going to take the hurt and try to get her back maybe at another time..think of something or move on...or we would meet and talk. Having spent so much on texts, I gave her the option of giving me back the loan+ I'd repaid, with amazin interest or just disappear. She sent it back so we'd meet.

[MrSinnisterUrge]

@MrSinnisterUrge I bought the tickets...she made up a huge story about nearly being kidnapped and telling me that the pressure to meet me was like the near kidnapper and over 3500 dollars was WASTED, crying on planes, trying to get her to just meet me for 15 mins...and she agreed, then stiffed me, then called the cops. True coward, sociopathic move for CONTROL. She PERCEIVED after spending like 5 LTR's combined needing me, talking to me, calling/calling for me...that I was EVIL and lo it was.

[MrSinnisterUrge]

I'm wrong since I am putting this on a Dx'd BPD's page, and I'm GLAD..I REALLY AM FOR YOUR PROGRESS. And this is nothing personal...especially if people like you would lead some kind of revolution for awareness...because the damage undiagnosed BPD's do to themselves and the people that they trick into loving and caring for them IS INSANE. No one comes out unscathed from the crazymaking...the lies...the accusations which seem like projection but they're insecurity..I doubt she cheated b/f.

[MrSinnisterUrge]

But it seems to be an illness that makes it ALL about the sufferer and NONE about the people that love and try to look after them. I ended up being essentially her therapist. I was her sole entertainment...having me there (I'm far more serious now unfortunately), even though she was an artist..she produced NO SIDE WORK..whenever either of us had ANY free time, it was to be spent with each other...and then she just blew up that bridge in a very understandable...slightly stressful but

[MrSinnisterUrge]

@MrSinnisterUrge Transitional situation and instead of seeing ANY of my side of it all, like I did hers...it was like understanding what she'd gone through gave her more power to f--k me over with this dude. She wanted to f--k him and come back to me initially..then she saw that would be hard, so she just wanted to test the r/s with him...I mean...the double standards....the single focus...the lack of empathy, morality, accountability ON A DIME..is staggering. And it does leave wreckages.

[MrSinnisterUrge]

@MrSinnisterUrge I was and still am very much in love with the BPD...she burned a bridge that I want fixed...but I give her power each time I reach out...so I'm not anymore..she made herself, into what I predicted a PumpnDump...and now on her FB, she's wearing slutty clothes and almost always drunk. I just wished the did see the whole sum of their actions, and the things they destroy with more than "regret". It's far worst...but I applaud chatterbox on her progress and sorry for being one here

[citokina]

that happened to me, but she is still not wearing slutty clothe, but she might be in process of becoming something very bad



[AnthonyDelRay]

@MrSinnisterUrge ... You said you were with her for 1.75 years? Dude get help! Your sensitivities are going to kill you bud. Honestly look at yourself holy CHRIST. For the love of whatever is lovable seek therapy. My mother was a SEVERE BPD so naturally I married a severe BPD whom I was with for nearly 16 years! Sinister my ENTIRE life has been ruined by those with BPD from the very day I was born! and truth be told I didnt even handle these truths like you are. Run to your nearest therapist...

[Serenoj69]

@adharcachan Sure. "Regret" is not empathy. Regret is meaningless if it happens time and time again.

"Not understand anything" is black and white. It is not only my experience, it is also supported by science BTW. Real empathy is at least lacking. BPD is a good companion of APD and NPD and shares many of its traits. Real love is also difficult because the bond has diminished quickly once someone is gone, which to me has the same bases as the lacking empathy. You are not to blame, I agree.

[Serenoj69]

Yep. And most borderline persons on youtube talk about themselves and how it is awful for them and rarely they talk about how this has to be to those close to them. I know people with BPD and, ike psychopaths, they lack (but are not completely devoid of) empathy. Which shows whenever they talk about their disorder: it is about them.

But I cannot blame someone for not having something. It is sad. DBT, schemetherapy, medication, RET and mindfullness may help. Good luck!

[AmeerahDot]

@Serenoj69

Some One With BPD Dont Have the Abilty To Mentalize Or Be Empathic

[JaySalious]

@AmeerahDot  I'm borderline and I HAVE the ability to empathise, so please don't talk about things you don't understand. It makes you seem ignorant....

[daddyselisha]

@Serenoj69 no no... borderlines have too much empathy. this can cause them so much pain that they must completely shut the empathy off. you have it a little backwards honey.

[Serenoj69]

@daddyselisha Carrying about yourself is not "empathy". It is not for no reason why it is in a cluster with histrionic, Narcissistic and Antisocial disorders. Borderliners have no real empathy in general, they have no clue what their behaviour does to others and don't understand other peoples motives in general. They argue mainy from their point. That is why they can get crazy when people do not act like they expected. Even minor things. Can't blame you for what you don't have.

[daddyselisha]

@Serenoj69 so why is it that I have volunteered all my life and spend all my extra time knitting for the homeless? I have been diagnosed with bpd. I completely understand why you say that since it looks that way from the outside. However, if you have not experienced it personally you do not understand. One of the main reasons I began treatment was a realization that my actions negatively affect others and hurting my love ones is not something I want to do.

[daddyselisha]

@Serenoj69 the pain I feel on a daily bases is massive. However it does not give me the right to treat others poorly. When I am in an extreme state I can definitely be selfish, i have an ability to shut my empathy off and I naturally lash out as self preservation. However, through treatment i have learned to deal with these emotions in a healthier way. It is not a lack of empathy, it is not having the skills to deal with extreme emotion. I am a caring person and learning thee skills have made

[daddyselisha]

it much easier to see how my actions hurt others. I am a caring person and when i am not experiencing extreme pain, i am very empathetic. I work hard to keep those around me happy and healthy and in return they are more than understanding. It is so easy for a borderline to slip back and into themselves, shutting their empathy off, but with hard work its possible to step back and see things rationally and from another's perspective. I am not perfect, however, the amount of effort I put forth to

[daddyselisha]

@Serenoj69 change my behaviors, i have been told by loved ones and my psychiatrist that this shows empathy in itself. I work everyday to be a better person for those around me and for myself.

[MsPingu112]

@Serenoj69 i think they only do it to feel understood by others. i think they like to have people know that they feel pain inside. for some reason it makes them feel understood. you know what i mean? it does seem all about them though - i dont even know why im here lol

[missmilo2]

I have BPD as well, it is nice to see people sharing theor story

[ninjatakedow]

1:06.

Is that a dick poking into the screen?

[LolitaIsDead76]

Oh... I more than understand this! I have Borderline too, like as Borderline as is possible and every image, every thing you wrote in your vid is like I could have done it myself (if my attention span allowed, sorta-LOL)- wish I had advice but as you'll prob know, it just called doing your best however bad it is. *Hugz* n remember the GOOD stuff you do each day- thats what I try n do, is HELL on earth. Keep strong. Xxx

[gsj1974]

I have bpd and know where ur coming from. Wudn't wish it upon anyone...keep strong and live for ur kids.

[annmariewoodley]

im chatterbox443 this is my vid... changed ma name not happy 2nite

[annmariewoodley]

sad 2day i keep watchin my vid n its so sad... embarasing degrading ppl hate it coz it hurts em........ i wanna die coz i dont want ppl 2 b angry coza me ........... sik ov it

[Talusmade]

that was over 10 years ago. I am now almost completely fine. I have my slips here and there and fall back into my old patterns but i'm completely functional without any meds. The last "serious" bout i had was 4 years ago, i laid between a mattress and boxspring for over 3 days. i felt "held together" my roommates were asking if i was ok.. but you know how that goes.

I feel for you.. And I pray that you find your center. know that you are not alone, no matter how it may feel sometimes.

[Talusmade]

i like the video. I used to think i was manic depressant for a long time.. like since i was around 6-8 years old. I'd cry for days at nothing... never smile, but at times would feel ecstatically fine.. had many friends but secretly hated all of them for not understanding me, or being worthy of my love, hating myself for not being worthy of theirs... that was probably my biggest issue, was the idealization and devaluation(demonizing). I later learned i was borderline.

[chatterbox443]

u may have these feelings too ... but a person with borderline personality disorder have them all, at the same  time and much more intense than without the disorder