Christopher Hitchens Does Standup Segment 2/2 (2005)

[IcyIconoclast]

and to top it off, it was on cspan!

[Bubblesatx]

Laughed my ass off!

[TheDrizztdourden92]

"I kind of wish you would give me a blowjob" and then after he says that it says "National Prayer Service" at the bottom of the screen XD! Hilarious!

[myopium]

I'm not just saying this because I'm a Hitchens fan, but that was truly brilliant... his delivery is impeccable. Puts most current stand-ups to complete shame.

[iBeep2009]

i hear his rap, and brother i'm gone......

[theciskokidd]

Wife: "What can it hurt?"

hahaha poor woman.

[euroman32589]

guy in the red jumper just dont get it...

[holyhackjackson8]

@euroman32589 "Him der tawkin funneh!"

[JoeStunner]

Proof that Hitchens could've been whatever he wanted to be.

[shkafster]

That was excellent!!!



[Rapchaid]

lmfao

[markjamesnelson]

I can't believe I havent seen this before

[callmeCAYLOR]

6:31 haha, the blonde with a stick up her ass shakes her head

[callmeCAYLOR]

the people at 1:37 either didn't get it or don't have a sense of humor. has too be the first one b/c that was funny as hell

[mammers11]

More entertaining than 99% of standup comics

[CMan721]

seriously wtf did I just watch.. what was the context for this? lol

[Vasileski88]

He's right longer jokes are better.

[KamasutraButterfly]

Best jokes ever!!

[AxeHomeless]

Whiskey in a water bottle?

[supahsekzy]

6:26 look at the blond bitch in the bottom right, stone cold, only a reaction of utter disgust (and perhaps indescribable sexual attraction)

[socalcraigster]

@supahsekzy - I had to keep playing the punchline while watching her reaction. Thanks for pointing it out!

[riggermortisify]

@supahsekzy A friend of Rebecca Watson maybe?

[MirceaDanbest]

The red big fat fuck is NOT INTO VEGETABLES !!! Maybe some fried chicken will do it ...

[rlibos]

He is wonderful.....................­.....

[kickmeout1]

hahah the fat fuck in red looks so bored what a fucking loser!

[Force10FromMimico]

I like how " This program contains content that some viewers may find offensive" after he said cocksucker. I'm just saying.

[Hermoor]

HAHAHAHAHAHAH look at 6:26 the blonde in the corner, lol femenist scum. xD

[OyonTheAdept]

@Hermoor I don't know much about it, but what's so wrong about feminism?

[Hermoor]

@OyonTheAdept its the view that, females are more fragile and can't be critized or made fun of like you can do with men. It's basically...females weak in society all men bad. Well...in other countries they might be justified in their views but in sweden my home countyr...which is about as equal between the sexes you can possible become. They aren't very appreciated, since one isn't allowed to make fun of them or criticise them as one can do with men.

[OyonTheAdept]

@Hermoor i see. i may need to read more on this. but thanks for your points.

[cede456]

1:36 the guy in the red doesn't like vegetables.

[RussianAssassin21]

the fat guy in the red sucks

[TheEpisteme]

lol national prayer service schedule update comes up as he starts talking about blowjobs.

[nicodemos91]

"its been real" lol

[Justen1980]

the pearl anniversary *..crickets..* no one got it or was scared to laugh

[breerex123]

1:37 the fat fuck returns

[shawndimery]

@breerex123 Haha what a fat miserable fuck! I would love to be there in front of the Hitch!

[superlativewoman]

@breerex123 shut your fucking face

[Zaref17]

3 people are vegetables.

[jimjamerman]

Probably the only blowjob joke to ever air on C span

[LambdaQuarks]

Human vegetable in red at 1:37

[MOGGS1942]

I really like Christopher,but was totally unaware of his stand up comedy abilities.

Terrific posting,thanks.

[aaronzvz]

Hitch rocks.

[Nerd0042]

Fuck I love Hitchens. He's so fucking sexy.

[Aeschylus]

3:45

National Prayer Service

Today 5:35am ET

:)

[BIJMOZ]

aren't you gonna get the phone, cocksucker?

[Waldvogel91]

3:48 !!



[veryfirstBiz]

this is incredible! thanks for uploading this one.

actually he is almost always as intertaining as he is intelligent. an admirable human being

[madamezora7]

I pee-hee-heed out loud at the last joke- even expecting the type of ending it had to be- the delivery was so slippery.

[i3u7n5]

Anyone else getting slight flashes of Eddie Izzard in some of his delivery? The two could pass for brothers when they each have facial hair...

[joehiggs100]

yeah, uncanny!

[gamerunknown]

I expected the Good Will Hunting joke due to his drinking water there

[jaylias]

@gamerunknown lol me too. tbh i think Hitchens did it on purpose to add some suspense, damn that guy is smart!

[GoCardinal2012]

@gamerunknown me too!

[consciousmess]

I love the Hitch.  In all areas, he is untouchable.

[HBCjunke]

i think its funny as hell that c-span covered a cock joke.

[BuddhaBebop]

My intellectual hero is also a comedian ho doesn't drop a beat. Amazing. I love him all the more now.

[Nishap739]

To the insecure straight (ostensibly) edgers making ad hominem attacks on Christopher Hitchens because he....drinks.....news flash- no one gives a shit that you've never been drunk. In any case, this is absolutely hilarious. I REALLY wouldn't want to get on Hitch's bad side when he's drunk. He seems even wittier and sharper than sober, if possible.

[iiwatcher]

Shitty timing & delivery yet somehow he pulls it off. Gotta love the Hitch.

[thepsionicstorms]

Hitchens is the master of everything he does!!!

[warndonboy]

brilliant

[MrTonyInchpractice]

can't believe that i haven't loved him before tonight (have watched seven hours of him tonight)... he has more panache, diablerie and elan than a department store of aftershaves... articulate, brave, humane, witty, thrilling... he's like an evil stephen fry! can't wait to read his writings... aah... a new obsession.

[Trailbosstom]

@MrTonyInchpractice I'm happy for you. I rediscovered him myself. I remember him in the early 80s and said to myself, "Who is this cat? He's great."

[Zerg121]

@MrTonyInchpractice An obsession indeed. I'm glad Youtube is filled with the awesome of Hitchens.

[Sboy200]

@MrTonyInchpractice welcome to the club ;)

[MrTonyInchpractice]

@Sboy200 said the caveman to the bishop

[redryan20000]

@MrTonyInchpractice his writings are good in short form. his longer works, well...kind of fall short to say the least

[ashleylovesdaddy]

Ghastly hospital carpet. He's a God and will be so sorely missed.

[NelsonRealTime]

@ashleylovesdaddy hes not dead yet man, you scared the shit out of me, checked his website as soon as i read what you put lol

[Bumblybee256]

@ashleylovesdaddy he's not dead yet.........

[qwer4o]

1:38 Behold the stupid fat fuck in red.

[WillShakespeare2007]

I think this is a little sad. I really admire him but he can not keep it together because of the the drink and drugs. I truly hope his adictions have not cost him his life.

[stoprainingonme]

@WillShakespeare2007 He doesn't do drugs. He described drug-taking as a pathetic enterprise, and thought so even when he was a socialist in the 60s. He's probably on drugs now, but that's because he's got cancer.

[WillShakespeare2007]

@stoprainingonme OK maybe he is not on drugs here but he sniffs constantly and is not with it at all. I find it a little hard to believe that someone who is addicted to all legal chemicals has never liked the illegal ones but if you want to be that nieve good luck to you.

[qwer4o]

@WillShakespeare2007 You moron. He doesn't do drugs. Now fuck off.

[WillShakespeare2007]

@qwer4o So I am a moron and the other guy is an imbecile for saying he is drunk. Well he is drunk. Are you blind or just stupid? He is clearly drunk and is very honest about being an alcoholic. I am interested to know how a sad little fuck like you from a third world country knows if he takes drugs or not? Have you met him? No! So you know nothing about anything. So shut your fucking mouth loser.

[qwer4o]

@WillShakespeare2007 Don't get so worked up. It's bad for your BP. Your comment about Hitch was pointless and only showed your spite. You are a sad person.

[WillShakespeare2007]

@qwer4o Why spite? He's clearly drunk. I think he looks like he's on drugs and keeps touching his nose as cocaine users do. I admire him as a writer but that does not mean I can not be disapointed when he appears like this clearly off his face. I admire a great many authors, poets and musicians that took drugs but if I saw them rambling and falling over I would say it was a shame. You are so blinded by hero worship that attack everyone that points out the obvious - he's pissed. How sad are you.

[qwer4o]

@WillShakespeare2007 Actually, it is you who are sad and insecure. Grow up.

[WillShakespeare2007]

@qwer4o So back to simple ad hominem attacks. ok

[qwer4o]

@WillShakespeare2007 Hey, you started it.

[DoltMasher]

@WillShakespeare2007

He’s pissed? You are a master of the obvious (MOTO in U.S. submarine vernacular). So what? Without hero worship, despite his accused inebriation he still commands the language better than the devout in the middle of sermon. Do you not give consideration to the occasion or his audience? I must admit that before your reply I was unaware that telling jokes required sobriety.

And you claim the ad hominem attack persecution angle; curious.

[kendrawhisp]

@WillShakespeare2007 What do you mean he can't keep it together? I've never seen the Hitch not holding it together. If he's pissed, he's still more lucid than others sober.

[TheSpoovy]

Haha he certainly saved the funny joke till last! 

[Acrimonator]

LOL, for a time i was wondering, what the heck is he doing with this bottle of water...

[swissthinker]

Please help a poor german speaker out: what does the gentleman want the lady to commit?

[debobak]

@swissthinker fellatio

[LordEsel88]

@swissthinker It's about a so-called "blowjob". This involves putting his penis in her mouth while she suck it in addition to moving her head in a forward and backward manner. Movement of her tongue while sucking is also common during a blowjob.

[swissthinker]

@LordEsel88 Thanks a lot, sounds interesting. I'll should ask my wife if she knows about such a choreography...

[roosterbasher]

How many times, do you think he has seen Good Will Hunting? good jokes :D

[stoprainingonme]

@roosterbasher The good Will Hunting blowjob joke was different wasn't it? I was expectign that one too, but was pleasantly surprised.

[gggrow]

He was good. Wow, the audience was TOO easy, though.

[Rizimar]

6:26 - The woman in the bottom right corner is not amused.

[GoodAvatar]

I don't know... I guess I fail to get the punchline.

Is it supposed to be derogatory to women? I don't look down on women who suck cocks, any more than men who lick clits.

This is a confusing joke to me.

[LordCustard]

@GoodAvatar: All it's doing is building up an expectation and then subverting it. It sort of fails because it's fairly predictable.

[dsobon]

@GoodAvatar Oh come on! That joke was gold! (Not his joke, I should say) Be he delivers it well. I can forgive him for borrowing material, as it's origin is likely untraceable.

[Grayto]

Hitchens is one of those men of history who can make a profession of being a good drinker.

[roms303]

HA HHAAAAA HAHAHAHH LOL!!!

[joejjohnston]

awesome delivery.

[PvtChuff]

that was hilarious..thanks for posting. hitchens is already blisteringly funny in his way, this is the first time i've heard him tell proper jokes. masterful

[dkurgano]

THAT"S CSPAN?!?!?!

[d3p3ch3mod3]

I've watched C-SPAN before with Jon Stewart saying Fuck this and Shit that like 10 times per minute lol... wish i recorded that so bad

[JosephKnight93]

@dkurgano you kidding c-span is the best channel ever

[JackBlair2]

Stop being so defensive and shut the fuck up

[LewisLane33]

I love the way the "objectional content" message always comes up right after he's already said the part that some people might not like!

[skaggmo]

This guy is on drugs.

[darkmiles22]

Hells yea! Only way to live!

[Barkspawn]

Alcohol is a drug, yes.

[swells8413]

I love how the schedule update for the National Prayer Service appears at the bottom of the screen right after Hitchens mentions the fellow wanting a blowjob (3:40)

[EminemBase]

Lmfao. Hitchens is class.

[JackBlair2]

He's a drunk.

[OldVillain]

And... your point being?

Haven't we all been drunk at some point in our life?

But, have we all been quite so amusingly erudite?

[planetdarwin]

actually no, not everyone's been drunk

[qwer4o]

@JackBlair2 And you are an imbecile.

[drunkenstooge]

Johnnie Walker black whiskey

[CntrBrdr]

@drekas2005 doubtful its probaby whisky

[Erickaf]

@drekas2005 but he put some crystal light in their too.

[drekas2005]

@Erickaf Yes that's the good stuff.

[Facevampire]

turning a blowjob joke into a classy story. Only Hitch.

[jmeiskues]

bahaha after he finished the blowjob joke that woman in front is just shaking her head

[sleepcity]

Yeah. I'm not sure what can be said of completely humorless people. It was a joke!

[2canines]

she probably could identify herself in that joke. way to real for her =)

[Mercurybath]

"Well, its been real..." Wtf Hitch XD This is probably the most random video of his I've seen.

[saintmuse]

That figure of speech caught me by surprise to, being uncharacteristic of Hitchen's typical manner of speaking.

If you really like humorous Hitch, you should check out the Skeptics Guide to the Universe's extended TAM6 interview with him. He tells a bunch of dirty limericks and such.

[MRSstraightA]

:)

:)

[alexander92648]

i like the onion joke. lol

[Nostatementinthename]

Hm... I think he is funnier when he is trying to be taken seriously.

[theozzman91]

i absolutley love 3.45 - Hitchens making a joke about getting sucked off and there is a sign saying "National Prayer Service"

[Jimbo8012]

Hitchens is an absolute legend and much funnier than his dour brother. I'm sure he'd be a fucking ace drinking buddy too.

Even when he's dealing with bigoted & racist religious fanatics, his brilliant sarcasm/comic timing are plain to see (the death of Jerry Falwell). However, it's good to see videos of the Hitch in a different context.

Moreover, I'm sure he was a hit with the ladies when he was younger - he's got a cheeky glint in his eye + an innate endearing charm/arrogance.

[hpholland]

The first date!

[barry123www]

First time "cocksucker" was said on C-Span?

[MrSalamander7]

"No cue cards. Nothing."

Hilarious

[lordlacolith]

For someone who doesn't do standup, he's pretty damn good at standup.

[Atheistjeremy]

Yeah, I don't know why, but I think he's funny as hell. He's got timing and whit and something else I can't describe.

[Hashishin13]

Even while sitting down!

[dsobon]

@lordlacolith He's said repeatedly that were he not a writer, it's something he would probably have pursued. Considering how bad most comics are in the beginning, I think with some polish and a run around the scene for a couple of years, he could have been amazing.

[lordlacolith]

@dsobon I think I'm glad that he became a writer, though, all things considered.

[martintod2006]

As if i couldnt love the Hitch anymore.

Cocksucker.

Lol

[mcgray2112]

@martintod2006 You stupid fuck, you ruined the joke!

[SuperMoobles]

@mcgray2112 But it's youtube, you're meant to quote the punchline so that every knows you got it.

[UnitedKingdomify]

@mcgray2112 I doubt he expected his comment to be thumbed up sixty-five times and still floating up top a year after he posted it.

[Reerrpad5515]

@mcgray2112 Video first, then comments. Thats the order.

[Hitchenite]

"Right into the path of a...sodding great lorrey"

[FreeInquisition]

Don't know why he stopped to get his scotch out...That was probably vodka in the bottle anyway XD

[o8QWERTYo8]

1:37 ~~ Notice the bloke in the centre of the audience, slowly the joke seeps in, he hears others laughing, the sound of a penny hits the bottom. The bloke to his right, just wanting more food, unmoved.

[natmanprime]

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa­aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa­aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaai love the way you describe it like some epic novel loooooooooooool

[o8QWERTYo8]

I thank thee.

[honsou48]

It was pretty funny but in a strange way he seems almost too smart to do stand up. I know it might sound strange but watching it gave me that impression.

[stevao]

i know exactly what you mean, like its almost below him.

[lord69z]

He is good as small witty moments but great comedians are artists, its just not his forte.

His delivery is worth it tho

[LlortnA]

I love his sense of humour. Absolutely hysterical.

[Iambecome]

I heard that joke many times before, fucking epic lulz.

[canonvox]

The best part: When he first utters, "blow job," there is c-span rollover text going across the screen about some "national prayer day."

[endofthelinejoel]

6:26 everyone laughs except for the uptight in the bottom right corner!

[pingu219]

Somehow that just made it funnier XD

[tg343441]

that's because the same thing happened to her!