Hey, I'm not talented w guitar to give exact suggestion, but how about breaking the strum at the soda part (bubbles make me float up to the ceiling) and do something that ascends, using notes quite higher than where your chords are set. Harmonics maybe? Or just an ascending line of sorts using finger picking? Wouldn't need to take much time, just 4 beats - Up,2,3,4.
@Qwinkly3 The idea is to create a "special effect". And it would also break up any monotony caused by the restrictiveness of guitar strumming - that problem created by the guitar being the "rhythm section" of your ensemble.
some of your practices while raising her. And no, I don't have such a daughter. I have raised 2 sons – your age now, and they got numerous lectures on how to treat your “future daughter” with respect as a lady, and not as the person portrayed in your poster. Such a poster is your own business, absolutely. But I just beg you to consider in your finished Marcel the Shell product, that you think of allowing for the viewing of small children with impunity. Thanks !
Marcel the Shell is a cute and adorable, rated G video, which small children would love to watch. And those posters will make some parents choose not to let their young children listen to your wonderful song. (I know. I'm an old fuddy duddy. And other young adult readers may slam me for such “antiquated” views. But MBrowne, I'll wager when you have a cute little five year old daughter and you look into her little face with its blonde, curly hair and big, innocent eyes, you will tighten up
“as well as”. Do you have it typed with “as well as”? This is the only time I have noticed text that is unclear.
In the interest of shortening it, take a hard look at all your text pieces (verses) and see if they absolutely MUST remain in there. I'd suggest canning the entire messy room segment.
Lastly, when you decide it's all polished and prettied up, ready to post your final masterpiece, may I beg you to consider not having those two posters in the background? My reasoning is this -
One segment/verse piece. I tracked the seconds that whole bit took, and it's from 1:06 to 1:57 – almost a full minute, and not the best of the jokes by far. See what I mean? Also, in doing so, at 1:06, I discovered the listener can not tell when you have left the last thought and gone on to this set. Your last words were “a lot of other great qualities as well As”, and then you Mumble something that gets us started into the messy room segment. Grammatically, you have to leave the "as" off of
It takes the listener a long time to connect the beginning of this part with what you manage to finish saying, and then, for all that effort, we simply learn that his place is messy. If you felt you needed to keep some part of this story in there, couldn't you just cut to the “I invited some folks over to eat salad, so I'm sorry..... And use “poetic license” here to get that whole idea of it being messy, why it's messy, Marcel not knowing you're coming, etc. - find a way to get it all said in
I haven't “studied” your song here, as in going over and over it. I was struck at the beginning, though, with one set of text. It really bogs down over the “wish that you were gonna be here today” section – before and at this part (I didn't, no I didn't, no I didn't clean up”). Frankly, my opinion is that this isn't the most riveting of the video in the first place, and could just be left out of your song totally. It's not like the good jokes parts later on in the video and your song.
of “chorus” as having the exact same words each time, and as such, in this piece, already quite long, it would be the wrong idea. BUT – Said chorus doesn't have to come as often as one thinks, and said chorus doesn't have to have the exact same text, just similar text, or one line the same and the other 1-3 lines different. Just whatever you do, don't make this piece longer. Even the “shortened” version of “Stairway to Heaven” is 8 minutes, 3 seconds.
Some songwriters manage this with grace, but frankly, it often still upsets the listeners. We've been conditioned to march like herded sheep, lulled into complacent safety of that four bar set, and that all-encompassing strum. Varying this takes finesse to do well. A Bridge section is easier to accomplish– in that it's just One section, or if you do it twice, you can use the same text, or a second text. Another technique that someone suggested was the use of a Chorus. Typically, one thinks
stoned off your gourd, but it also is a true fully-fledged respectable instrument. Strumming is a combination of playing chords (harmony) and providing percussion or rhythm. As the rhythm section, it can be quite restrictive. You, yourself have found that in order to fit one lyrical passage into the chosen strum, you must hold out notes, and repeat words. OR....and this is harder – have some lyrics that are shorter, with different strums totally. This is much harder and scary.
the term). Keep the rhythm exactly the same, but for the few words of that V, go up first, then down. Play and see if this works. It's an easy to do technique to create more variety without messing things up much.
You are on the right track when you changed from the interesting, but restrictive strumming pattern to another. Guitar is a strange instrument. It is made both for idiots and masters. By this I mean you can gain some degree of use of it in a very short time, and can even play it
that with such structure, clear diction is more important than ever. And you have that down – in spades. Done.
If you were to look at a written version of the notes of each passage, would you not see that most phrase sections are the same, go the same place? If you were to connect the dots of the notes themselves, and notice that a phrase direction (for lack of a better term) were V-shaped, you could create interest in one or two just by INVERTING the shape to a mountain shape (again forgive
Your diction is impeccable ! We can hear every consonant, even at the ends of words. That's rare and phenomenal. What with the way you've constructed this song, it's particularly important. There's a lot of text, and your structure loads the bulk of said text all in a rush at the end of each phrase. Do you know what I'm saying? The beginning of each phrase had few words, and the second half, you race through a lot of text. Not saying that there's anything wrong with that. Just mentioning
the phrasing and tempo are much better, you're ability to take constructive criticism and apply it is most impressive, I think you could consider using the "guess what I use to tie my skis to my car" and "guess what my skis are" section as a bridge, just to break things up a bit. I think you're totally capable. I LOVE what you did with the phone conversation
so you're amazing for making this video, and those are 4 awesome chords, but more would be appreciated. maybe add a chorus and a bridge? anything to break it up so it all doesn't sound the same.
@mbrowne30 Glad to hear this. I suggested just yesterday (of a bridge for interest, or to shorten it) on your original version. I hadn't heard this version. As half-expected on YouTube, some jerk slammed me for trying to make a Constructive Suggestion. Some folks just don't READ, or can't tell the difference between a constructive suggestion based on a real concept and just slamming someone. Whatever. If I didn't think ur 1st version worthy, I wouldn't have bothered to risk public retort.
i like this one also but i think i like the first one better.....did great.....it ccracks meuppp
heartdoggies 8 months ago
ya the other is a bit better but there both very good :)
imacherrytree 1 year ago
Hey, I'm not talented w guitar to give exact suggestion, but how about breaking the strum at the soda part (bubbles make me float up to the ceiling) and do something that ascends, using notes quite higher than where your chords are set. Harmonics maybe? Or just an ascending line of sorts using finger picking? Wouldn't need to take much time, just 4 beats - Up,2,3,4.
Qwinkly3 1 year ago
@Qwinkly3 The idea is to create a "special effect". And it would also break up any monotony caused by the restrictiveness of guitar strumming - that problem created by the guitar being the "rhythm section" of your ensemble.
Qwinkly3 1 year ago
some of your practices while raising her. And no, I don't have such a daughter. I have raised 2 sons – your age now, and they got numerous lectures on how to treat your “future daughter” with respect as a lady, and not as the person portrayed in your poster. Such a poster is your own business, absolutely. But I just beg you to consider in your finished Marcel the Shell product, that you think of allowing for the viewing of small children with impunity. Thanks !
Qwinkly3 1 year ago
Marcel the Shell is a cute and adorable, rated G video, which small children would love to watch. And those posters will make some parents choose not to let their young children listen to your wonderful song. (I know. I'm an old fuddy duddy. And other young adult readers may slam me for such “antiquated” views. But MBrowne, I'll wager when you have a cute little five year old daughter and you look into her little face with its blonde, curly hair and big, innocent eyes, you will tighten up
Qwinkly3 1 year ago
“as well as”. Do you have it typed with “as well as”? This is the only time I have noticed text that is unclear.
In the interest of shortening it, take a hard look at all your text pieces (verses) and see if they absolutely MUST remain in there. I'd suggest canning the entire messy room segment.
Lastly, when you decide it's all polished and prettied up, ready to post your final masterpiece, may I beg you to consider not having those two posters in the background? My reasoning is this -
Qwinkly3 1 year ago
One segment/verse piece. I tracked the seconds that whole bit took, and it's from 1:06 to 1:57 – almost a full minute, and not the best of the jokes by far. See what I mean? Also, in doing so, at 1:06, I discovered the listener can not tell when you have left the last thought and gone on to this set. Your last words were “a lot of other great qualities as well As”, and then you Mumble something that gets us started into the messy room segment. Grammatically, you have to leave the "as" off of
Qwinkly3 1 year ago
It takes the listener a long time to connect the beginning of this part with what you manage to finish saying, and then, for all that effort, we simply learn that his place is messy. If you felt you needed to keep some part of this story in there, couldn't you just cut to the “I invited some folks over to eat salad, so I'm sorry..... And use “poetic license” here to get that whole idea of it being messy, why it's messy, Marcel not knowing you're coming, etc. - find a way to get it all said in
Qwinkly3 1 year ago
I haven't “studied” your song here, as in going over and over it. I was struck at the beginning, though, with one set of text. It really bogs down over the “wish that you were gonna be here today” section – before and at this part (I didn't, no I didn't, no I didn't clean up”). Frankly, my opinion is that this isn't the most riveting of the video in the first place, and could just be left out of your song totally. It's not like the good jokes parts later on in the video and your song.
Qwinkly3 1 year ago
Trust me, if you're dancing with the wrong guy, that's an eternity! LOL
Qwinkly3 1 year ago
of “chorus” as having the exact same words each time, and as such, in this piece, already quite long, it would be the wrong idea. BUT – Said chorus doesn't have to come as often as one thinks, and said chorus doesn't have to have the exact same text, just similar text, or one line the same and the other 1-3 lines different. Just whatever you do, don't make this piece longer. Even the “shortened” version of “Stairway to Heaven” is 8 minutes, 3 seconds.
Qwinkly3 1 year ago
Some songwriters manage this with grace, but frankly, it often still upsets the listeners. We've been conditioned to march like herded sheep, lulled into complacent safety of that four bar set, and that all-encompassing strum. Varying this takes finesse to do well. A Bridge section is easier to accomplish– in that it's just One section, or if you do it twice, you can use the same text, or a second text. Another technique that someone suggested was the use of a Chorus. Typically, one thinks
Qwinkly3 1 year ago
stoned off your gourd, but it also is a true fully-fledged respectable instrument. Strumming is a combination of playing chords (harmony) and providing percussion or rhythm. As the rhythm section, it can be quite restrictive. You, yourself have found that in order to fit one lyrical passage into the chosen strum, you must hold out notes, and repeat words. OR....and this is harder – have some lyrics that are shorter, with different strums totally. This is much harder and scary.
Qwinkly3 1 year ago
the term). Keep the rhythm exactly the same, but for the few words of that V, go up first, then down. Play and see if this works. It's an easy to do technique to create more variety without messing things up much.
You are on the right track when you changed from the interesting, but restrictive strumming pattern to another. Guitar is a strange instrument. It is made both for idiots and masters. By this I mean you can gain some degree of use of it in a very short time, and can even play it
Qwinkly3 1 year ago
that with such structure, clear diction is more important than ever. And you have that down – in spades. Done.
If you were to look at a written version of the notes of each passage, would you not see that most phrase sections are the same, go the same place? If you were to connect the dots of the notes themselves, and notice that a phrase direction (for lack of a better term) were V-shaped, you could create interest in one or two just by INVERTING the shape to a mountain shape (again forgive
Qwinkly3 1 year ago
Your diction is impeccable ! We can hear every consonant, even at the ends of words. That's rare and phenomenal. What with the way you've constructed this song, it's particularly important. There's a lot of text, and your structure loads the bulk of said text all in a rush at the end of each phrase. Do you know what I'm saying? The beginning of each phrase had few words, and the second half, you race through a lot of text. Not saying that there's anything wrong with that. Just mentioning
Qwinkly3 1 year ago
You're a great singer!
lilJess0831 1 year ago
Oh, hey its me in the picture! just like in the last video...
-Kim
cloud9monster 1 year ago
you know what you should do....make more videos
anitathefroqueen 1 year ago
i like ur posters
boonans22 1 year ago
very groovy
roooseb 1 year ago
the phrasing and tempo are much better, you're ability to take constructive criticism and apply it is most impressive, I think you could consider using the "guess what I use to tie my skis to my car" and "guess what my skis are" section as a bridge, just to break things up a bit. I think you're totally capable. I LOVE what you did with the phone conversation
raksnishi 1 year ago
Hahah, Nice singing voice :) Nice playing. ...And nice posters on the door and wall. Rofl.
Genesis2091 1 year ago
Very good, better than the first.
Interesting posters... ,':|
Nickelcreeklova97 1 year ago
This has been flagged as spam show
OMG THIS IS MY SECOND FAV VID ON YOUTUBE...RIGHT NEXT TO MARCEL THE SHELL!!!!!! U NEEEEED TO PUT THIS ON ITUNES I WOOD TOTALLY BUY IT!!!!!!!!
saralia11 1 year ago
OMG THIS IS MY SECOND FAV VIDEO ON YOUTUBE RIGHT NEXT TO MARCEL THE SHELL!!!!!!!!!! U HAVE TO PUT THIS ON ITUNES CUZ I WOULD TOTALLY BUY IT!!!!!!
saralia11 1 year ago
I love this so much. You are so cute.
NekoEars 1 year ago
i don't know...i kinda liked the other one better
Silencemice 1 year ago
@Silencemice me too haha
mbrowne30 1 year ago
Vagina boob
Blo0dError 1 year ago
@Blo0dError FREAK
saralia11 1 year ago
go penn!!
melv3223 1 year ago
so you're amazing for making this video, and those are 4 awesome chords, but more would be appreciated. maybe add a chorus and a bridge? anything to break it up so it all doesn't sound the same.
music4life762 1 year ago
@music4life762 thank you and yes i am currently making a studio version of it with both bridge and chorus. i appreciate the input and i am on it
mbrowne30 1 year ago
@mbrowne30 Glad to hear this. I suggested just yesterday (of a bridge for interest, or to shorten it) on your original version. I hadn't heard this version. As half-expected on YouTube, some jerk slammed me for trying to make a Constructive Suggestion. Some folks just don't READ, or can't tell the difference between a constructive suggestion based on a real concept and just slamming someone. Whatever. If I didn't think ur 1st version worthy, I wouldn't have bothered to risk public retort.
Qwinkly3 1 year ago
I am completely in love with your voice. <3
iheartlycupcakes 1 year ago
amaaaaaaaaaaazing !! you are one amaaazing person !!
JaZzoY 1 year ago
i absolutely love this.
66sarahbear 1 year ago
This is borderline just as good as the actual vid!! you are so adorable! good man! you made it fit so well!
alistair546 1 year ago
go quakers!
knowledge860 1 year ago
Very nice.
Do you have shoes on too?
refrakted 1 year ago 11
@refrakted LOL, love this comment !
Qwinkly3 1 year ago
Very nice
txdjf 1 year ago
Oh my gosh! It's more bikini girls! Agree with the Jack Johnson comments.
WebsterAnn 1 year ago
hahaha that's ingenious! love it :D
LesleyBoogie 1 year ago
Perfect indie movie soundtrack status.
Love it (:
iiitsMiLLERTiME 1 year ago
Very good!!
I like your voice!
ANNEM90 1 year ago
definitely like this one betterrr
x1queen1x 1 year ago
you should definitely do covers of more popular songs. show off your voice more. oh btw your adorable.
hannahxxrose1 1 year ago
Comment removed
hannahxxrose1 1 year ago
this is beautiful. your my hero. and your sooo good. your like jack johnson. i love him. and i love you.
ajtothemaxx 1 year ago
soooo how about... i am in love. thank you. i have found the meaning of life.... yahh. kay byee. (:
TheColorAlanna 1 year ago
This is amazing. hahaha :D
curiouslacuna 1 year ago
you are too cute!
ohmynicoley 1 year ago
What kind of guitar is that? I may be mistaken, but it looks like a classical. Also, are you using nylon strings?
xxGRRxx92 1 year ago
thats so adorable. and so are you!
oh and i have that sweatshirt in red.... do you go to penn?
MaryFabs 1 year ago
this and you are adorable :)
Bexxahol 1 year ago
umm nice picture up in your room...
hkbff44 1 year ago
nice
RedDetective 1 year ago
Comment removed
eeverhar 1 year ago
awesome. and you're adorable!
anitathefroqueen 1 year ago