My Only Scottish Joke

[alisonconnelly1]

you not funny i am from scotland 

[stuee11]

that was just awful

[linoma57]

scottish paranormal convention the head speaker says has anybody here ever had a sexual experience with a ghost, and this wee guy fae aberdeen sitting in the back says ghost! .........a thought yea said a goat.

[Antzcceltic1]

it has been run through somebodys system already, 

coz that wis pure pish

[GregC215]

A scotch pie walks into a pub and asks for a beer. The barman says "we dont serve food here".

[GregC215]

A planes engines suddenly die whilst in-air. A woman, thinking she is going to die, rips off her top and bra and shouts "someone make me feel like a woman for the last time". A scots man stands up, rips off his shirt and says "Haw hen, iron this"

[jak5edmond]

this is the worst shite i've ever heard... its not funny, and im from scotland.

and yer dug need a mezoil!

[williemh75]

I'm all for laughing at myself, but that was just pure pish!!!!

[Nem1330]

That was really funny. I think that I was laughing that hard I broke all my ribs. It was so funny that it cured my manic depression. It was so funny that I urinated myself. It was so funny that my deaf and dumb friend, broke out with laughter.

[alanmcivor]

ya ugly cockney tramp

[Sonoraman]

OK. Do any o' y' know how copper wire was invented? Two Scotsmen fighting o'er a penny!

[EuanMcKee1984]

scotsman and englishman ar neighbours, english has agolden chicken that goes over to scots garden, and lays a golden egg, the scotsman claims its his,the englishman disagrees,they arge until the scots comes up with the idea of "roshamboW" meaning they take turns kicking each other in the baws! the scotsman goes first, BOOT,as if he were scoring at hampden, englishman is in agony, takes 30mins to get up, stands p and says"my go", scotsman grins "nah keep the fucking egg like" :D

[pppdc55]

@EuanMcKee1984 haha good one. we've got the same joke with east-germans and west-germans (gdr/frg)

[Fitheach1]

Aye, an' the Grand Cannion is the result of, 'cuz the one o' them wha hae lost the fight, drop it doon anither penny. *haw haw*

Still hae nae uptoken, wit's that shite o' jokin' aroond wi' scotsmen alleged stinginess.

Ne'er hae met a tight-fisted compatriot o' mine.

[linoma57]

@Fitheach1 what!

[linoma57]

@Sonoraman actually, thats how the grand canyon was made, a scotsman dropped a penny in a ditch

[youngturksrule]

a hink shes been on the malt whisky

[beatityatube]

That wummin is pashed as a newt though.

[keirlikesbeer]

Lmao.

That Joke Is Terrible.

Im 100% Scottish And I Don't Know Anyone Called Angus Or Jock.

[Fitheach1]

Aye? Do ye nae?

Ah'm scottish, too an' I ken twa lads named Angus an' in historical sight we hae a lot o' Jocks in bonnie Alba, 'cuz

'We're a' Jock Tamson's bairns' aye?

But ne'er the less - Ye're right. 'twas nae the best Joke I ever heard, but quite funny anyway.

[BigBadScotsman]

how long did it take u to write that lol

[Fitheach1]

Aye, in sight of that all PCs seems tae be in war wi' me 'twas fockin' fast, lad ;o)

[petemacarthur]

My dad's called Angus. And my maw's called Jock.

[beatityatube]

Never met a scot who said 'me'. I'll pass some Tartan Special on this yin.

[doeelectro]

prefer mCewans export an buckie... or white lightning and gin :).. doubles pls. fabulous !! :D

[beatityatube]

Naw you miss the point. I was passing water on it, and well Tartan Special is the next best thing in a can to piss watter. ;-) I'll have a Carling extra cold if it's all the same... You're buying...

[doeelectro]

p.s, any cunt who says the word "fabulous" needs my fat grifter in their gub to gie them some wheesht!

[doeelectro]

AYE FUCKING BRAW AS ' YA DAFT AULD GOWK. YOUR WEE YINS WILL SEE MA HELMET POKIN OOT THR'U YER WEE ERSEHOLE , SEEIN AS A SKULL SHAFTED THE FACE AFF YE YA SLAG THAT YE UR YE..next yin ah'll tan yer coupon .CHOOB!!... moan ya daftie .

[beatityatube]

Ach there's mony a good tune played on an auld fiddle. She looks no' bad scrubbed up in a somebody's ma kinda way.

[PolaroidDroid]

its how ye tell it

[DAVIEtheDUDE]

WAT A LOT O PISH

[DeltaNC]

Nice! =D

[kkeith11]

just gotta say, it's the Isle of Bute, not the Isle of Butte ... I know it's not important but it's where I call home :-)

Good joke though

[luvyouguys]

Thanks for the spelling correction! We stayed on the Isle of Bute for about a week and we found it fabulous! You are very luck to call that home.

[beatityatube]

Does Big Davy M still live on Bute? You canny miss him red hair, banned from Bute for setting fire to the pier one time, uncle has the fish shop. Ach they were the days.

[kekke2000]

Well ugly girls can be funny.

[WeirdFields]

only to look at

[garali1973]

Sounds like thats been run through somebodys system already.

[scottishlad1987]

MILF

[beatityatube]

haha naughty, but aye that wummin looks no twa bad after ten pints on a dark night, wearing a blind fold.

[SUPERMAD2012]

your racist

[gav25x]

utter utter pish!!

[scottishboy1987]

Sucks big hairy balls

[39RatRodCoupe]

Looks like the Loch Ness Creature.

[LiamO401]

sure i hope i dont handle my mid-life crisis like that when i get older

[zhmulgio]

die

[macusername]

did u not think rothesay was a joke?