Myths About Being Single: Black Women Speak Out About Loving Themselves and Living Life Solo

[zk92000]

This is idiotic. Sounds more like the spoiled child effect. (I cant have what i want, therefore i will PRETEND i dont really want it.) Bottom line is women who do want a fufiling relationship with a man are not going to it by pretending that - (Singlehood is a fulfilling state.). Nothing is fulfilling if its not what u truly desire. Stop with the self brainwashing.

[tomomichan2]

Brebre2sweet, please ignore this lonely black bitch. She's 38 with no man and thinks she can tell black women who to love. Lmao. She's sorry and can't even debate properly.

[blackloverules]

First of all not every black woman wants to get married. As for me, I do, with a black man, but if that doesn't happen, then I just have to get used to being by myself because I'm not messing with no non-black man. I will nor be a part of the black genocide.

[brebre2sweet09]

it not about black genocide it about loving the person you love. Thinking like that means you might be alone for a long time. that the problem with black women sometimes. We can be picky open your mind! No offense i bet ur the type of women who sees a black man white a women of another race you get mad!!

[blackloverules]

@brebre2sweet09 It IS black genocide. I'm mad at both black women and black men for stepping outside of their own people. They are both sellouts. It;s not natural to interbreed, period. You can call me jealous all you want, but black men should stick with their women and black women should stick with their men. Black love will never die!

[showandtell41]

Black woman are single because they are selfish and spoiled.. they only date thugs for there on satisfaction and put down good black man by saying, be a man so they can go out with they thuggee boyfriend, its to bad that the black man has to learn this from another race. Be a women.

[brebre2sweet09]

What!!! really ur just ignorant thats all that is. Black women are not the same... for example what about the white women who date the no good black men too. Trust me every black man with a white women is not a good black man and every black man with a black women is not a bad man or thuggish... really you NEED to get ur facts straight or dont say them at all.

[808Lana]

I disagreee with the user below me who said marriage is a BUM DEAL. 70% single is just plain WEIRD. Why would you want to be single , raising children when you can have a husband and a second income in the home? I think it's weird for an entire group of people as a whole ...to want to be unmarried and "age" alone with material things and no human partnership...unless these women choose to be with each OTHER, which is exactly what this sounds like. No offense.

[MetaSensuality1983]

@808Lana

U got it right at the end. Because that's exactly what it leads to lesbianism

[ScaryCannibalTrout1]

I think more women are realising what a bum deal marriage is and are opting for the individual, self-suficient life. I think it's great! Mariage is slavery.

I do NOT however, think women should have children and then expect a man to pay child support just because she wanted a baby but didn't want a man around. That's dirty pool.

[whitebitchnigga]

70% of black women are unmarried and 46% of black women will never marry...BUT 68% of black women are overweight and 30% are obese, but nobody wants to connect the dots

[hermanglimsher]

When are black women going to realize they are better off single (or alone) than being with a stereotypical black man?

[startec25]

I wonder who raised these typical black men.

[MrCHICAGOSFINEST1975]

If the 70 percent thing is true(which i seriously dout)i would probably say that its because most bw are kinda hard to deal with on a day 2 day basis.Idk.

[deonnanaxoxo]

i hate when black people stereotype each other like that but cry like hell when a white person prejudices against them. u have no right to stereotype/generalize about black women.

[rydar1978]

Oh, by the way, 70% black women are NOT single. 70% of black women are UNMARRIED. There is a huge difference. The 70 single stat given on the Oprah show is very misleading.

Many of the so-called single BW are actually in long term relationships, Engaged, widowed, ETC.

[Denali1217]

It's not misleading... if you are not married in this society, you are by definition single. There are only a few categories to check ona census form or any other official documents when they ask for yoru status. They are single, married, divorced or widowed and the vast majority of black women are not married... thus they are single. Just b/c we accept or recognize long term relationships in our community as making someone not single doesn't mean that society does the same.

[rydar1978]

You and I are in agreement, but most people don't understand all that when you say 70% of BW are single.

When Oprah release that statistic, she made it seem as 70% BW don't have a man.

Also that stat includes BW, who are gay, doing time in jail, and also black women who may be single do to medical reasons.

The stat gives off a false impression. Now im not talking the 70% as in the way you are presenting, but the way most news stories, articles presenting it.

[deonnanaxoxo]

i think that % is misleading because the number stands alone with nothing to compare it to. so it seems big. what do i mean? i mean i've never heard what % of white women, white men or black men are single. what if 65% of white women are single? then that 70% doesn't sound too big

[mylifeiz]

@deonnanaxoxo

That 70% of blk women SINGLE STATS is false! Google Black demographics. The CENSUS says that 48% of Blk WOMEN are MARRIED. SO how can 70% be single?

You should see how they come up with these statistics.

If you go look at the FBI stats for rape it would blow you away. They say BLKS committed 40,000 rapes? Yet when u look at the arrest... it says there were 4,803 Rapes?

These LIARS say there were 40,000 rapes by BLKS, based on aN ESTIMATE of WOMEN WHO DID NOT REPORT IT?

[cmdiva]

How about this for a change....DATE WHITE MEN!!!!!

[Perfectflaw007]

They do, some even marry. However, they know that deep down their essence is with a another african america, it's an everlasting search.

[rydar1978]

Hey fucktard, how about coming up with a different a solution whether than yelling date a white man.

Have you ever thought that maybe most white women are not willing to scoot over and let black women have their men? That their not enoug white men to go around for every white woman as there is now.

Also, the number of black women looking for white men on interracial website dating services has already more than doubled past the number of white men who joined those site.

[Abena20]

It's sad one would have to explain why they are single. That's no ones business

Is this song from Streetwize?

[powertoachieve]

Why so many single BW are having a hard time to find a good BM to share their life with. 1:You will not find Mr.right at a club, 2: Places like the library,gym,church, keep your eyes open,be relax,stop looking mad. No good BM will approach you looking like that. 3rd: Good BM are all up in your face all day: The policeman,plumber,Bus driver,goal oriented and more. Unless you are attracted to the opposite(thug).

[josekortez]

More proof that these black women would prefer to see the black man go extinct than acquiesce. Good luck with rationalizing your nasty attitudes and stubbornness, black women.

[Denali1217]

Your comment is proof that you don't pay attention to detail...there are innumerable comments here from me the author explain that certainly that's not the case and there is nothing in the trailer to indicate male bashing or that women prefer to be without a companion. Pls. check your facts before speaking. My book is simple about embracing life the way it is, improving yourself, so that when or if the right man comes along you are prepared for a healthy union and not settling.

[josekortez]

You are delusional but you'll be some other man's problem. Or you won't be some other man's problem.

[Denali1217]

It is clear you are ignorant and not literate b/c I've explained what my project is about. I have a man so certainly I am not in denial and not someone's problem. Thank you though for showing women what not to looking for in another-- someone who doesn't pay attention, research something before speaking and refuss to listen to logic.

[Faavor]

My beloved sisters, view the video 7 lies of the enemy entitled Black Women speak Out about Willie Lynch. Then tell me if queenbaster if far from the mark. Remember don't let your pride of success mislead you.

[queenbastet]

this is sad.

What happened to valuing family? and creating a home for the children?

What is success if you have no one to share it with?

Oh my bad... u have other unhappy women to share it with while u sit around talking about how men are no good.

[Denali1217]

Clearly you missed or don't get the point of the book... all of these women are successful and are happy with their lives. However, that does not mean they don't want someone special to share with. But, until or unless he comes along they are sharing their lives with family adn friends, loving themselves and contining to pursue their dreams. No one and nothing in the trailer bashes men at all so please rad excerpts from the book as advised before making blanket statements.

[queenbastet]

my apologies for speaking so quicklly. ur right i have not read the book and my comment is more for the warped mentality that is so prevalent in America today as it pertains to family and the value of havng a family.

sure we all deserve happiness, whether single or married but we need more attention paid to valueing family and valuing the bonds between man and woman.

[0Humanity0]

I'm sorry for this but... when does self responsibility place in effect? I've seen many black woman go for the high school drop-outs and down right thugs aka ghetto brothers and in the same breath would claim that all black mans are bad. Place some of the blame on mothers that refuse to let their baby grow up to be a men and the mothers that refuse to save herself for marriage.

i am just saying that it takes two to tangle.

[Denali1217]

I really have no idea what your comment refers to... my book is all about taking responsibility for your own happiness. It does not bash black men or any men for that matter. It's about women making the choice to carry on their lives and live out their dreams even if they don't find a man to share it with.

It always takes two and we are all responsibile for who we select so I presume I agree with your comments... they just don't apply to my book.

[0Humanity0]

Oh! i' m really sorry i was referring to the women that is (black) men bashing on here.

[Sweetlovingkind]

0Humanity0, not all black women goes for the thugs and the drop-outs! Some of us wants the descent guys who works hard, achieves his dream goals, and wants to go places. And as far as I'm concerned, when good women such as me get a brother and help him out -paying his debts to the government and shit, the motherfucker doesn't know how to treat us! He rather have the whore's shaking their asses in the club and on the street sleeping around with different men.

[Denali1217]

Again, you are commenting on my book and no one told you their life story. Clearly, you are ignorant and thus can't find anyone of any description that would talk to you let alone want to marry you. It explains why you would feel the need to comment on a project about women and explain your sorry opinions about women.

Take care.

[xXSistaSouljaXx]

I'm holdin it down for Black men!

The replacements are HERE!!!!!!!!

[theabomation]

what does you life story have to do with anything? besides boring me to tears!

[halfmanhalfman]

yea I guess marriage is stupid anyway female power. Kill the men of teh earth!

[Denali1217]

And, no one in my book says the think marriage is stupid at all. All of the women featured respect the institution of marriage and what it represents so they take it seriously; consciously deciding not to jump in and out of it just for the gold band. All of them love and respect men but they also love themselves and refuse to stop living their dreams b/c they may not have a husband. Perhaps you should check the facts about my project before you comment.

[theabomation]

70%of black women are single.78% of black women are overweight the most self righteous, hypocritical creatures on the planet.Nothing is their fault. They can't find or keep a man, and everyone in the whole wide world but black women are to blame, the media According to a lot of black women, we're the scum of the earth. We're either locked up, gay, or only like white women( None of this is actually true, Why would you hold out for us? Maybe it's that men of other races aren't interested either.

[Denali1217]

The sad part is you believe what you are saying. 90 percent of the women in my book are not overweight, bitter or blame anyone else for their choices. Unfortunately, it seems you have encountered or attract the wrong women. There are countless black women happy with their lives and have no reason to insult, look for, or worry about a men who feel as you do; that generalizations can be applied to black women but shouldn't be used against black men. How about we stop the blame game.

[katladyzo]

well ill say this. im 22, im black. im not overweight, im slim. i have a degree. a good job. im beautiful, smart. i come from a good family, im self-reliant, i have everything going for me. if i wanted to be with a black man, (which i dont bc im already engaged, but for arguments sake lets say i did) look at my options? they are not all that great. black men can get upset if they want to, but a good black man is as scarce as hen teeth. im not saying he has to have a PhD but come on.

[Denali1217]

You certainly have the right to feel that way and statistically you would be correct but it's time we start judging people as individuals rather than as a group. AS the author of the project, I can say that all the women inside haven't given up on black men and don't feel as if they are lot causes like you do. However, they refuse to settle for less than they feel they desire and they are content in their lives. Much happiness to you.

[halfmanhalfman]

Stop lying to yourself. you want a man who has the same level degree and nothing less

[Denali1217]

Who is lying to themselves? Unfortunately, once again your experiences are being projected on other people but that's okay. If it makes you feel better to believe that all women are superficial or believe that money and status are the keys to happiness then so be it. However, as people discover, the only thing that hold a real relationship together is a shared values, love and respect; money helps but it's not everything.

[Ahhfaith111]

It makes you feel good to say that Im ashamed and dont wanna be in the trifling ass black race I have a biracial son with a white man and only find comfort in God you love that dont you but Im getting better I just had a year relationship with a hispanic man Im waiting on just on oppertunity to cut you out for good thats why I stayed single so long I hate the way black relationships are it is really killing our spirits and draging us down I want to be free from you any way.

[Denali1217]

I am saddened to hear such self loathing and racial hatred from you. My book definitely does not boast this at all. It is all about loving yourself for the life you have and creating the future you want. I will not say that the state of black marriage and relationships is not disheartening but I will say that anything in life is changeable. If you believe that having a child wityh someone of another race, negates your blackness or your child superior perhaps you should think again.

[Denali1217]

As evident by President Elect Barack Obama, the one drop rules still seems to apply int his society. He is considered the first African American President and not biracial American. Additionally, havign children out of wedlock will also not cure relationship issues in any race. Live your life for you but I do hope that you teach your child to love all that he is rather than only a part of himself b/c that's the only way he will excel. Take care.

[Ahhfaith111]

My son has white friends , as well as I did when are grew up .Schools are integrated remember we are always exposed to white society everywhere, on tv, at school Im not that much of a hater. By the way my brother who is married to a black woman is raising my son with his two daughters.

[Denali1217]

Glad to hear you are exposing your son to everything. I truly hope you've carved out a life that allows you both to be happy.

All the best.

[1luving]

Why is it that black women have to settle for a single life? It's one thing to promote women being happy with what they do (or don't) have. But it's another thing to PROMOTE being single. Any black woman who denies that she would benefit from companionship is lying to herself and perpetuating the decline of the black family. And yes I'm a single black woman. It's sad that we have gotten to the point of denying exactly what it is we need most. We are not Superwoman. Love is a human need.

[Denali1217]

Who is promoting single life or saying anyone should settle for any situation that is not fulfilling? Clearly, you should read my book. You would find that no one denies that they would not like to find someone to share their life with. But, they don't discount the love and companionship they get from their friends family--- these connection sustain them, allowing them to be happy with their lives and accomplishments instead of feelings sorry for themselves simply b/c they don't have a mate.

[Denali1217]

I think it's sad that you are so defensive about books and commentary ion single life pertaining to black women b/c you assume it will express an "I don't need a man" philosophy. My book doesn't have that thought at all.  It simply says that while we all need love and connection, we should not be so desperate as to stop being full human beings on out own. In being happy with ourselves we will ultimately attract a mate but if we don't that should be okay too.

[1luving]

When a woman says "I didn't work this hard just to get married", that indicates that she promots being single. What else could it mean?

[Denali1217]

It means that they've decided their whole life does not revolve around the search for a man. They are working in their life to be complete as an individual. Being a whole and happy individual who is not just focused on marriage, rather being the best you you can be and finding the best mate that you can have is what these women are about.... they don't just want the ring, they want the marriage, the right one so that they don't have to continuously divorce or have babies for the wrong dude.

[Denali1217]

Again, you are imposing your own negative feelings about being single or the reactions you've gotten about it onto this project. Perhaps you should examine it when it comes out before assuming anything.... nothing in the book trailer says they don't want to get married b/c these women do. They don't want to work all of their just for that and want to be okay with themselves if that does not happen for them; that's what the title could and does mean. I am the author, I should know.

[1luving]

Perhaps you should change the title. "Just" to get married? Like getting married isn't important or meaningful. It actually sounds like sour grapes.

[Denali1217]

You are entitled to your opinion and clearly you have decided that this title isn't right for you. There will be no title change b/c anyone who reads the comments on the back from people like Dr. Julianne Malveaux, Author Terrie Williams, etc... will understand that the word the phrase "just to get married," means these women aren't achieving in their life only to find a man to marry them; they have a greater life purpose. Thanks for your feedback though.

[Denali1217]

I do love how simply by reading the few words in the book trailer, you drew all of these incorrect conclusion. Clearly, harvestday you are talking about your baggage and not my book.

Additionally, as a writer I would not rehash what has always been said. I am an original with my own ideas and don't find any value in bashing men to uplift women.

Please check you fact before you respond to my work.

[Denali1217]

Clearly, you know nothing about this book. All of the women in the book would prefer to be with a man. However, the point is they are still reaching for their dreams even though they may not have one right now.

This is not a bashing book so please don't level your stereotypes about black women on those in my book.

Perhaps you should get to know black women about something and your attitude would change.

In fact, I have a black man I love so obviously that's not my take.

[HARVESTDAY]

ANOTHER book advertising how BW dont need no man.

That's why I dont WANT one. They take too much of a thrill in putting down men and extolling themselves. Didnt know they were the enemy until I heard it from their lips for the umpteeth time. Then I started to READ what they wrote. I'm certain NOW.

BM are in the counter game now and w/ BW constantly saying and publishing the same tripe about men for yrs the community is ready to hear how BW sold out the Black community for personal gains.

[Denali1217]

I agree that I think that instead of teaching women and men that we will all be single at some point in our life so don't stop living, everyone offers a quick fix advice solution.

I believe my book will inspire women, through examples, to carve out a life that makes them happy with or without a man and the bitterness that often follows when one is single.

It's about being at peace with the life you have and there are no tips on how to do that, just examples of women who have done just that.

[Denali1217]

Sadly, Somozusi you believe the myths that are perpetuated about black women. What you will find, should you purchase my book or be open to a real dialogue, is that African American women like me are in shape, college educated, have men and love themselves immensely. Many women find that they love their lives, family and friends so they don't feel that they are missing something without or without a ring.

[Somozusi]

I respect you because you seem rather knowledgeable on the subject but what I also dislike are magazines like Essence & Black beauty because of the rubbish relationship advice they provide to AA women:

"Hundred ways to keep/attract your man, advice from a single black female"

Tyra Banks is no better either- long time single women should not be giving advice on relationships; it's like myself giving advice on rocket science when I majored in politics! lol

[Somozusi]

Another thing! Black women need to stop using the excuse about men being afraid of their success! I don't know a man alive who does not want to be in a relationship whereby they don't have to be the SOLE breadwinner or financial benefactor! If your a successful single black female, I most likely not afraid of your wealth, I'm more likely to be afraid of your personality! All the money in the world won't cure a stank outlook on life/personality

[Somozusi]

"70% of AA women are single"

SERIOUSLY ladies, you can have ANY man you want if you adher to the five principles below. I'm no guru but I speak for ALL men when I say that these charateristics will make you appear more attractive to all men:

(1) Be OPEN MINDED and FRIENDLY

(2) Be in shape!(50% of AA women are clinically obese, this is not acceptable!)

(3)Be educated

(4)Love themselves

(5)Love Men (if one man hurts you, don't take it out on a potential partner!)

[Denali1217]

Most of the women in my book do not feel that "real" men are intimidated by their level of success. Nor do they carry their relationship "baggage" from man to man.

Blaming either sex isn't going to do anything but build resentment.

The key is to getting to a point where we all understand that together we prosper and divided we fall. Further, being single is part of life, so one better be happy regardless of marital status.

Perhaps your comments are true only for the women you've met.