vlog 38: aspergers, synesthesia, and the rhythm of stims

[heidelbeermacaron]

one funny scene: few friends asked, which color their names have for me..to one I said "You're kind of fuchsia, but I really hate that color!" Well I guess that was not the nice way to say haha but I didn't realise that in the second..cause it didn't seem bad for me, it's just a weird fact out of my weird brain :D

[anamomda]

@heidelbeermacaron Thank you for your comments.

[heidelbeermacaron]

for me not just numbers, letters and days have colours..they´ve also kind of feelings, tastes, whole pictures...food, parts of music pieces, instruments, names and more stuff, do the same...for example seven is a edged middle green, a bit of white..reminds me in its structure of aluminium foil...whereas a special type of orange and fuchsia makes me feeling queasy..

[heidelbeermacaron]

Always when walking stairs, I make different sounding steps, the longer the stairs, the more complex the rythm.

If the rythm does not work out at the End, it happens not rarely, that I do a few steps back and so the right end bevore going on with walking..

And in terms of rythmic moving it's the same with me...always fidgeting with legs (if I am stopped by someone nerved, feet or toes take over the job :D), fingers, teeth, pencils...

[amandajkaro]

Hate touching fabric by the way. hate.

[amandajkaro]

I can relate to this in my own way . Synaesthesia has been in me for my whole life as has rhythmic walking and i relate to the doing my thing and waiting to be discovered and whisked away to a different life as well. Also relate to being particular about the rightness of the sounds of words that I use when I 'write'. I never did see these things as disability as a child at all more as a deep commitment to innate logic balance and rhythm that comes with being human.

[Mysdir]

Wow, the part with rubbing your fingers against that type of material, is exactly what I do myself. I was recently diagnosed with high functioning autism (or asperger`s), and I just find doing this really stimulating to my brain, but I cant really explain why, and I`ve been doing it since I was very little. Very good to know its out there, and that Im not the only one:)

[PlicketyCat]

I'm a mixed-bag Aspie. I do have visual synesthesia with some things (like numbers and colors having personalities, etc) and often get cross-sensory issues like seeing noise or hearing lights; but I'm also obsessive with words, their meanings, sounds, rhythms. Even my handle "Plickety Cat" was chosen because it just feels awesome to me. I often find myself having convos with my pets in the tune of a song that's stuck in my head but replacing the lyrics -- both sides of the convo of course :)

[Kgale047]

Thank You so much for sharing!!!!

[Kgale047]

I started watching your video out of curiosity for my 23 yr. old son, who I suspect has asperger syndrome. As the video went on I was amazed at how much I related to everything that you said! Wow, it was like looking in a mirror and listening to myself talk! Since I was a child I have always walked to the beat in my head, as you explained. I too somewhat "See" words in my mind, I also in a sense "Feel" them, if that makes any sense?

[sybeve]

Oh! And speaking of walking - I used to narrate my walking as if I was writing narration or a I was "in" a book. ie; "She walked through the park, noticing the clouds were getting darker" or "She stepped into the street hurrying as a car was coming" etc. etc.... I don't care who sees this of if they think it's weird anymore! No! We're NOT "Bizarre" - we're just US. Different than NT's maybe, but so what?! I adore my NT husband for his differences & he for mine; so what?! I loved this video.

[anamomda]

Thanks for commenting.

I understand the whole narration thing -- as a grade schooler, i used to skip around on the checkered floors of clothing stores while my mother shopped, hopping from one square to the next while narrating the dance in my head, hoping that someday a blouse-hunting talent scout would "discover" me, and whisk me away to a new life.

[sybeve]

I can read words that are upside down &/or backwards very easily... used to think everyone could do that! I've also practiced to be able to pick things up with my feet; I don't know why; guess I thought it would come in handy if I ever lost my hands for some reason! ("ready for ANYthing" you know?!) I need to develop a better stim that biting off my cuticles too! OUCH! Yours is much less painful! Thanks for another wonderful video! :o)

[MrsBambi1]

I like to walk in a steady tempo too. But if I hear music playing at the same tempo that I am walking, it drives me nuts and I have to change my tempo.

[anamomda]

"I have to change the tempo".

Interesting. :)

[anamomda]

Being able to easily read upside down is a very useful skill -- especially when it comes to bedtime storybooks.

[joshua246810]

i think exactly the same. i like hearing you talk.

[sushipie29]

Read the second comment first. Ha.

[sushipie29]

Yes, obviously you have have an exceptional skill to speak and convey your thoughts but I can tell that it is a learned ability with you and not natural. I also have aspergers with severe social disability but at the same time I have spent the last 29 years intently observing the motions and actions of others and I can pinpoint even the most minute differences in people. That doesn't mean I know how to interact with people but I am extremely good at reading them.

[sushipie29]

It's hard for me to say a word unless I know how to spell it. I see words in my head all the time. It's very interesting that you bring that up. I have tried to explain this to others and they just don't get it. I have been watching your videos and I can see many signs of aspergers by watching you. Those comments where people were saying you weren't autistic was making me unecessarily angry.

[logician3]

Fasinating, the first time I heard about somebody needing rythmic based kinesthetic stimulation was by watching a bio dvd on the rapper Eminem. He rocked back and forth to any music playing up until he was like 8 years old. Is there a name for this condition??

[ConstantC4]

Well I can by this count the number of words or certain characters in a sentience and also i can say stuff backwards char by char or otherwise really fast for rather complex messages I can also memorize short text pretty well the only problem that it makes me swallow vowels and sounds due to not finding them at the right time if i speak too fast. i i think most people can do this to some extent anyway i do primarily think in words or pure association if i am focused with more of a babble on min

[bubbaluvchocolate]

i think that you r a very intrising person. i also have asperger's my self. i think that i got dieignost with this in my early child hod. just so tht u know i am a male going in to 14.

(sorry about the misspelling and i am just using my friend's youtube a count)

[champagnevoluptuous]

I do the rhythmic stuff, too! ALL of it! I didn't know there were other people out there that did that! I'm trying to figure out if I have Asperger's. One family member I discussed this with called me a hypochondriac. I assured her that I wasn't afraid of getting sick or dying and explained that it is a neurological and social syndrome. I am just wondering if people with Asperger's have family members that refuse to take them seriously about this or don't believe them.

[ChocolatePoopagloop]

This made a whole lot of sense to me. I have synesthesia with colour and sound, and to and extent days of the week. I see the words pop into my head as I say them, and I always seem to have background noise or static in my head. Music (one or 2 bars, lyrics) will be playing constantly. I used to jump on the bed every night before sleeping, and yes I did try to get a rhythm. I excelled in music, but I never pursued it. I ALWAYS put movement to music, shots and camera angles. I love visual things

[skriglangka]

Sound mean a lot to me.

I just HAVE to know what makes a sound I hear. So, I go hunting for a sound source at home or at work.

I often have a one or two line melodi circling in my head as I run (normally a 60-90 minuts run). And i take the same number of steps every i breath. Somtimes I have to slow down, because I don' t want to change the rythm. That is i take shoter steps.

When I write or speak, I am carefull not to use the same words, when ever posible. To do that sounds ugly to me.

[Ginnamom]

intreseting topic... I'm a mom dx with ADHD(my friends say i "dance" around the spectrum) I have a husband undx ASperger's and 3 kids and 11 yo boy dx As, 10 yo girl un dx As and a 6 yo girl dx Adhd. I "think in rythyms in terms of music I can play 4 instruments and can't even read music. MY son and Hubby say they "think" in numbers they count everything. My 10 yo girl can see a something and draw it in picture perfect detail she says she "thinks pictures" my 6 yo thinks in patterns.

[farmerdeath]

it makes me feel better, to know other people do these things too. the stuff you talk about in your video, i mean.  i have a lot of trouble falling asleep, a LOT. i don't know what i am diagnosed as, if anything, but words and numbers and shapes are flowing through my mind constantly and i can never get any sleep. thankyou for the video :)

[WickersPoet]

Please read my review OMISSIONS of Tammet's book.

[aspiemom2]

Rhonda, I would love to email and talk with you. I have asperger characteristics with sensory issues but I am a VERY nurturing person. I would love to talk to you about these two issues nurturing and bonding"?

Shari

[mrmetalheadmonster]

That pretty much all made sense to me! I am a synesthete but I don't have aspergers but I have a few friends that do so all this made alot of sense!

[JonahTorn]

The sound and Language emphasis sounds like my tourettes. Sounds feel really good or really bad. I write in meter by counting sounds, but I am not formally educated in verse, poetry meter ect... and I wrote a fifty five page poem really fast as I my tics became worse. Talking to yourself and singing to yourself can be a tic as well. You sound more like me than anyone I have heard of with Autism or Aspergers. Mozart who may have had Tourettes and claimed he "heard" his music in his head.

[wimpy617]

I assume you've read 'the curious incident of the dog in the nighttime". I'm sure you have. It wasn't written by a person w/ aspergers, but I think it captures it pretty well.

[8Bowdler8]

I have tested for synesthesia, and i do have it, but also the whole walking to the beat type of thing I do a lot! especially when i have a song or something stuck in my head i just do things that carry out the beat, especially when i was my hands, i dont know if any of that links back to my synesthesia, but thats wierd that some1 else does those things too!

[calicatt2000]

I do a lot of those things too. I haven't been diagnosed yet, but my son has. I have always wiggled my toes on the footboard to go to sleep and my fingers almost constantly need to wiggle and touch something. I was trying to explain to my husband yesterday about a word that was going round and round in my head (nabothian), and he just said oh, ok. I also 'feel' certain colors. I also count when I'm walking (multiples of 8 and plus one when I stop.) Probably because I was in the marching band.

[mehdulla]

SORRY spelt aspergers wrong again!!!

[mehdulla]

Hi anamomda. I have jut been watching your vid and I to have a synesthesia problem. I have a dyslexia prob also that has crept up on me the last 5 yrs. I think I have synesthesia as I see everything in numbers. Like a tree is always 49, cos 4 is green and 9 is brown. I have had concerns with me having asbergers of late afer studying it and comparing those symptoms to myself, and am in the process of seeking med help and advice. It nice to know that there are others like me out there. Thanks;)

[xCrazyxKatx]

A tree to me is 37 as 3 is green and 7 is brown. I don't see everything in numbers, though. I only see numbers with colours. I am starting to wonder if I have Asperger's also. After researching it to learn more about it, since my friend has it... I realised that some traits sound a lot like my own.

[RLB101481]

I do that to with words. Singing made up songs. Sometimes when I look at something I will rank it's colors from light to dark. I don't do it so much any more because I realized that people stare at me when I did it. I still do it when I am alone though and it is fun. I was Diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 18 and now I am 26.

[anamomda]

Intriquing?

That's an excellent compliment, my friend.

Thanks for commenting.

[anamomda]

intriGuing

oops.

[anamomda]

Ranking - yes!

I, too, am always ranking, rearranging, and categorizing things; short to long, small to large, light to dark, A-Z, etc.

[xCrazyxKatx]

I do that, as well.

My pencil crayons always had to be in rainbow order, and for some reason, I would always give groups of people an order.

[UwishUwereMe2]

I write in much the same way. I must have flow to my words, even if, sometimes, they go against the rules of the English language.

I wiggle my foot in varying rhythms when I am attempting to fall asleep.

You are most intriguing, so I shall be viewing more of your videos.

[mehdulla]

Wow. I do that too! the wiggling of the feet to try and fall asleep I mean. Do you have a fussy eating habit with regards to the texture of foods?

[UwishUwereMe2]

Yes!

I HATE eggs... first, I don't eat embryos, second, no matter how they are prepared, they have a horrid texture... Well, I guess I do eat eggs, but only when they are part of a mixture in a cake or something.

I feel like chopping my fingers off when I touch something TOO soft. It's disgusting! Like those uber-plush blankets at Target... I despise fleece... All too soft. If my fingers had mouths, they would vomit.

Sorry to sound gross, but that's how I feel in regard to those things.

[ponytailjones]

my whole family experiences synesthesia. I for example, visualize the year as a circle, with july at the top and december on the bottom, with time moving counterclockwise along this circle. At any point in my life when I mentally acknowlege the date, I immediately see where I am on this 'chart'. If I were to compare it to a clockface, right now I am at about 3:40. It's a fun synesthesia test, give someone a pen and paper, ask them to visualize a year, and draw it.

[anamomda]

Your entire family experiences synesthesia?

How unusual!

Not to sound creepy, but I wish I could see inside your mind chart!

[pookiehohn]

I do have the sort of "Phrase" ticks where I'll repeat a phrase over and over. And A similar finger tapping pattern game that I play.

[LittleMissPrim]

Really interesting what you say about Daniel with his numbers.

My 5 year old daughter has AS, and she actually makes games up with numbers. Not in the way that you may think, she actually makes familys with them. 0 being the baby and 9 being the aunt and 33 being the mummy ect.

Thankyou fo making this alot of what you have spoken about has really helped me to understand my daughter alittle bit more :)

[anamomda]

Numbers as family - that is fascinating!

Thanks for commenting.

[coolestvox]

At night my niece promptly turns her stuffed animals around and "swishes" the tag between her middle and ring finger: she became angry when I wanted to try it!

[coolestvox]

Once I was not asleep and I heard a train so I thought about the phonetic sound of train and it didn't seem to match with the object...I repeated the word train in my mind slowly, like a mental mantra for a while...I suddenly was dismayed to realise I no longer knew what it was!!!!!!! It lasted for a while...then I made a point to never do this again....

[anamomda]

Ooooo, I've done things very similar to this!

[coolestvox]

REALLY? How cool! Tell me more!

[jenzezo]

i tapped my fang teeth. i believe within chaos their is order, and those with the ability to be aware of their form are the enlightened. you are on to it...p.s. i'm not sure if i am, but many of these "terms" you refer to i can relate to. i have done very little investigation but have used these feelings iv'e had all my life. i cherish and optimize them using awareness as my tool. i believe in myself because i have been able to visualize my future. it might be a crutch in one respect, not 2 me.

[coolestvox]

Well that's all very self aware, but I just found a small spider behind my earlobe and am freaking out a bit! Coincedence? I THINK NOT!

[andriannaz]

You are not alone. :)

[anamomda]

So true.

[H0D0NKAIN]

It's interesting to when people finally realize that they're an aspie. Now that you know, I'm glad that you're trying to find out what your talent is. I wouldn't call this a talent but I have a lot of cross-talk, cross wiring in my head. I guess it's what could be considered Enlightenment but who knows. I'm soul searching as well to define my reality.

[anamomda]

Soul-searching to define ones reality -- I'm all for that!

[H0D0NKAIN]

We all want to be noticed.

We all want to be thought of as smart.

I wish I could be as smart as him.

But here I am, and here we are.

It's nice to have idols sometimes, people to look up to. I also look up to my mother for all her years of wisdom.

-See. ;) Anyone can make a difference.

[TA1NTED2]

I have, my whole life, what i call my swisher. Its the silky part on the end of blankets. I have to "swish it" between my fingers at night to fall asleep. When i go to visit family or friends and stay the night i ALWAYS have to bring "My Blanket" My son now has his silky blanket and he does the same thing....

[anamomda]

I like the name "swisher".

I've latched onto the far more mundane term, "rubby thing".

[stigandr]

thanks for this vid. i'm thinking i should make a response as soon as i get my own 'puter back

[anamomda]

You're welcome.

Looking forward...

[willszz]

you don't allways think in the Language your raised ;) I'm actually thinking in English now...

[anamomda]

True.

Thanks for reminding me.

Off-topic, your haircut is very cute!

[willszz]

haha :D thx :p

People say that if you think in the other language, you speak it better? would that be true?

ps I like your haircut too hehe

[anamomda]

Thanks.

I would imagine that is true, yes.

[AspieHospitesMundi]

Also the whole rhythm things is just an amazing thing. It is a pattern and it is a very predictable thing that brings peace into my world! Cool! Glad I am not alone.

[anamomda]

Thanks for commenting.

You are definitely not alone.

[AspieHospitesMundi]

I love to use cloth and touch as a stim! It is really great! I also have found this Vlog to be very reflective of what I do. Reflection is the only way I learn. The seeing of words and the picture thinking, I also have.

[spazquesters]

God your strange....

[spoookynl]

Wow.

I stumbled across one of your youtube vlogs/videos a while back...

I keep on coming back to see if you have posted another vlog/video.

Just because the things you tell interest me, and you tell it in a very fresh, accessible way.

You are both vulnorable and strong in your vlogs/videos, wow...

Do keep on posting...

[anamomda]

I really appreciate this comment,

Thank you.

[fionaazreal]

(continued) What feels true to me is that the rituals were a sort of mental coping mechanism, involuntary and misunderstood even by myself until years later. In a way, they actually helped me to survive those tough childhood years. And perhaps trying to find a name for these experiences keeps us from discovering their true nature and potential. Just a thought.

[fionaazreal]

I had similar experiences from childhood-teen years. I would make up songs in my head with names of streets I was passing, or whatever. I wanted sounds and sensations to be rhythmic and continuous. I'd have to do something a certain number of times or it wouldn't "feel right".I've been told I had Tourette's, but who knows?

(continued)

[anamomda]

"... the rituals were a sort of mental coping mechanism"

Exactly!

Thank you for posting such an eloquent and insightful comment.