Dan Savage at Rhodes College - Is it bad to say "That's Gay" and "Faggot"?

[Confusedfurry]

Furfag for teh winz.

[AstroMen2911]

Im glad to be called a "Faggot" because I am a faggot. To me, being a faggot is a compliment. Being gay is more then sex with the same gender, its Love, passion, devotion, and trust towards someone of the same gender. Friends with benefits for example. Fuck those religious and political assholes. Like those X-Men First Class movie, we faggots should be proud and gay.

[teufeldritch]

Dan used to have a Dear Abby type column in a Seattle weekly called The Stranger. The title of his column? "Hey Faggot!"

[Gwynsek]

@teufeldritch He may have realized it was not good at all,he simply grew out of it thank,thank God. It's healthy to change for the better,this means inner growth.

[olyguy2000]

Dan has done a world of good for gay folks BUT he lives in such a gay cocoon on Capitol Hill and the The Stranger that he thinks saying faggot is normal. Now he's believing his own bullshit, a clear sign of delusion. He'd last about 10 minutes in the real world.

[gummybrain]

@olyguy2000 Saying "faggot" is normal for men outside of Capitol Hill. I used it in semi-rural Pennsylvania, and I don't mind when gay-friendly comedians like Louis C.K. say it. Let's get over it. We've got bigger fish to fry, and I don't want to be infantilized by this crazy policing of language my own community (GLAAD, et al) seems to do.

[Gwynsek]

@gummybrain I see it as highly dangerous,cause everything starts with words,in the human verbal world ! They show a lot of how we value life in general,but of course,it's no use saying something and feeling the opposite,a complex issue,as everything about life,it's multifarious !

[metrx330]

As a "gay" man, I agree with Dan. I don't even call myself gay anymore. I prefer queer. To me its just a more empowering and self affirmitive word. As my great grandmother always used to say, "Let it be said and be yourself".

[LichQueenKathie]

Hell yeah, I call myself a rug muncher all the time xD It's a joke to me, it's not offensive. If you're gonna get offended by words, and not the malice behind those words, you might as well put your head in an oven now. There is such a thing as TOO sympathetic :p

[ryanoster89]

I almost always agree with dan. not here though

[BunniesOnTheLoose]

I totally agree with Dan on this one. Context is everything when it comes to language use. I would personal apply the same train of thought towards other terms that have negative connotations, including the N word.

[darrenholcomb42]

I'm a gay dude and my feeling when people say these kind of crude and obviously offensive words, knowing that they can only be taken that way is- if that's what they feel and how they think then that's exactly what they should say, lets everybody know what your all about. Does it hurt my feelings to hear it or have it said to me? Actually no because my feelings are not dependent on other people, least of all people as crude and offensive as that. They just don't matter.

[GlanceofGlory]

Though I understand his point, Dan Savage is annoying me.

I'm sorry but I never want to be referred to as a "faggot" and I don't like to be called one and I do not think it's okay when people say "that's so gay" at all.

He has a podium, a national voice, a platform and what's okay for him isn't okay for everyone so he should loosely dictate what is and isn't "small" beans then, in turn, say he doesn't want to dictate speech.

He's an activist, not a gay ambassador.

[GlanceofGlory]

@GlanceofGlory *shouldn't



[isaiasnaruto]

Using words like "faggot" and "thats so gay" perpetuates the idea that being gay is something less than normal. People usually use it with negative connotations attached to it, which disparages the LGBTQ community, whether purposely or inadvertently. Saying those homophobic comments is the same as saying racist or sexist comments, because such comments belittle that specific group or community. It can be considered derogatory. So NO, those words should not be used freely.

[Tokorai]

Thank you so much Dan! I thought I was the only person who realized that context is everything. Hate the malicious intent, not the word. 

[FangFiftyFive]

Ha!~ Yeah, I'm queer and my favorite word in Spanish is MARICON! I just love the way it sounds!

[delli2011]

we all do, but if you're an nba star, you better not say it cause you'll be fined $100,000 and some people may be offended even if you didn't mean any harm.

[NotBadConrad]

Dan, I love you. Verbal abuse is one thing, but an occasional fag bomb ain't nothing to worry about. There are real issues that need attention. Let's talk about housing and job non-discrimination. Let people express themselves whatever dumb-as-shit way they want.

[mrbuddychou]

Yes, the meaning and connotation of words changes. Case in point: Dan's use of the 'lame'. Up until the last century, lame was only used to described someone or something that was crippled or otherwise disabled. I've always thought that 'bent' is a better term than gay, and an obvious and a more etymologically analgous opposite to 'straight'.

[regemo]

Do not agree at all. If you substitute that with the asian slur, the jewish slur, the hispanic slur then its not welcomed to be used by people who dont belong to that group. People who are asian, jewish, and hispanic would "napalm the room" if those slurs were used in a public setting. So why is it different for gay slurs?

[velocity246]

I'm sorry I disagree with Dan. Gay kids were not bullied in my high school. But "that's gay" was always said for things that sucked or were annoying. As a closeted gay teen, I somehow got the message that if I ever came out in high school as gay, they would not accept me. That may not have been the truth, but that's what a young confused teen will think when they constantly hear "that's gay!" being thrown around.

[dsutt777]

I recall back, "In The Day", when all of the letters in your column used to start out, Hey, Faggot! I agree, it's all about context. If you refuse to let a word hurt you, the word becomes close to meaningless for the ones who are trying to hurt. Please, please, keep up your good works.

[Cerulean0987]

Its just like saying "That's retarded". imo opinion that phrase is making fun of the mentally disabled, in effect trying to demean the other person by suggesting that they are somehow less than normal. I find it offensive and make an effort not to use such derogatory phrases. "That's gay" is that same idea. You are using a term that historically society has used as a homophobic term to put down other people or things- making the receiver of the phrase to feel less than.

[trilln451]

Interesting that you bring up language evolution. Here's my take on it: "Queer" used to mean odd. "Queer" also was/is used to refer to gays. Now the phrase "that's gay" is commonly used to refer to something odd. It's come full circle.

[poorliljeffy]

Dan's absolutely right. If I say "that's dumb", am I insulting people who are incapable of speaking? If I say "you're a dick", am I giving penis a negative connotation?

Context is key. But also, language evolves. The meaning of homosexual for the word "gay" has been around less than a hundred years, and for quite some time it wasn't used in polite company. The early gay rights organizations like the Mattachine Society preferred the term "homophile", because "gay" was seen as vulgar.

[ec3591]

I understand his apprehension, it's all about context.

[IKilled007]

When is Dan going to get nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize for his "It gets better" campaign? That shit is truly heroic and he needs to be in the mix for the prize. I mean, if Obama can win it for telling the Armenians to get over their genocide and for killing Pakistani women and children with drone strikes, surely Dan can win it for trying to save the lives of kids who are feeling hopeless and alone and thinking about suicide, right? RIGHT? NOMINATE HIM!

[mahasamatman33]

You Got It, again, Dan.Context Is Everything !

Further, IMHO, the disposition of the speaker of the "_____ word" counts for a lot as well, however in a culture so steeped in hatred and Xenophobia it is probably asking too much that rather subtle elements like those be taken into account when deciding who can, or should, use which words and in what groups. I have to agree though, as a fellow wordsmith [no where NEAR your level, D], that the notion of policing the language is a slippery slope

[2Majesties]

Love Dan. But he's wrong about "faggot." It's an extremely UGLY word that cuts deep, just like "nigger" and "kike." Put these words on display behind glass for all to see in the Museum of Human Self-Destructedness....

[TowardNormalcy]

It's not hard to not say it. Saying it is being insenstive. And in this climate of hate toward the gay community, insensity is very harmful. I understand as a wrtier, not wanting to give words so much power. But the context of the word today, does have a lot of power. And we should not let other people believe they have the right to use that power when it has such a negative and rippling affect. This issue is important. Hearing that word when you are in the closet makes you feel very alone. No?

[tribranchvo]

Before I came out of the closet, I said those all the time (shame on me). but now when someone says "that's gay" or "faggot" I get a little sad, a small part is I'm offended, but the sadder part is that person thinks it's appropriate to use that word. there are many other words people can use for stupid, lame, bad... why do we have to choose the ones that offend other people?

[samnyc2]

Dan don't let the straights think you are getting all uppity and offended now.... way to go "role model". They might think you are calling for the word police just because you like the uniforms!

[samnyc2]

Gay Uncle Tom alert - that's mighty straight of you Dan! See they even laughed when you said the F word. By all means don't "censor" yourself, just be insensitive & rude to everyone. Throw around the R word & the N word too. Call your mom, sisters & friends the B word while you are at it to prove you are against censorship. You mad men insist on calling flight attendants --stewardess. Keep on protecting words not people. People have the right but that doesn't make it right.

[ilovethehelpdesk]

I'm glad he put it this way. I have a gay friend who hates the term "faggot" and I don't use it around him. Another gay friend is fine with it and so I do use it in conversations with him. Dan is right, it's all about context and intent. I try really hard not to use the term "that's gay", but I'm not going to call people out who do.

[900angryangel]

YES. Dan, I love you. Why are you so wise about everything?

[Sparkygravity]

I have to agree, context is everything. It's why black people can call themselves niggers and not be offended. It's why I can call up my best friend and say, "What's up Motherf**ker!" If your using any sort of labeling language to offend or hurt, that's when it becomes a problem. Otherwise it's like Dan says, "It's small beans...", seriously we have more substantial problems to tackle.

[Shalek]

I love you Dan. 

[MrSchnitzel19]

I agree with Dan that the context is important. For sure there are homosexual couples that call each other fag and mean it in a nice way, but overall people use it as an insult. If you keep saying "that's gay" whenever something sucks you will teach people around you (and especially kids) that being gay is something bad. Even if many people don't mean to insult homosexual people by doing so, we all should try not to do that...

[Snoep76239]

@MrSchnitzel19 Exactly, it's ll about context. Just like when black dudes drop the N-bomb with each other, it's a different meaning than some redneck uses the term...

[fauxindigo]

wow usually Dan is RIGHT on point- but this is the most disappointing clip I've ever seen of his! How can he say that saying 'thats gay' isn't that bad? WTF dan. Saying 'That's Gay!' when you mean something is bad, lame or stupid gives the word 'gay' a negative connotation! Thanks for helping to stop the perpetuation of homophobia dan!

[YamazaruEiki]

@fauxindigo There was not much truth to that, but there was truth to how he was saying that he didn't feel like "policing the language." It's petty and trivial. Give the guy some slack.

[joesimmons90]

@fauxindigo i say that phrase and im not against gays at all. it doesnt mean homosexual to me. things are just... gay

[fauxindigo]

@joesimmons90 how does that make sense to you? saying things are gay, what do you mean by it? You say things are gay when you mean they 're bad, stupid or lame- am I right? Accept that it's insulting to gay people! Why can't you just NOT SAY IT?

[joesimmons90]

@fauxindigo i dont use it as an insult. if they are insulted by it, thats their problem not mine. its just a word.

[fauxindigo]

@joesimmons90 So how do you use it then if not as an insult? That's like saying, oh I say nigger but if a black person is insulted by that, that's their problem. It's just a word. Except, words have power! And you know that, so don't act like you don't. Is it really that hard to not say something that is offensive? If it is, you are certainly the one with the problem- not the gays who apparently are offended by everything!

[joesimmons90]

@fauxindigo like when the steelers lost the superbowl and i was rooting for them. when they lost i was like "oh thats gay"

not as any insult to gays, and not really an insult at all. just saying thats lame

and no, black people shouldnt be insulted by nigger. its just a fucking word, wow the media is succeeding at splitting humanity up instead of keeping it together

[fauxindigo]

@joesimmons90 if you can't understand how saying 'oh thats gay' when the steelers lost the superbowl is absurd, then you are obviously immature and ignorant. Instead of being a mindless sheep by saying 'thats gay' when something is lame bc you've heard other douchebags say it- use your brain and realize it doesn't make sense and it's insulting to gay people when you equate the word 'gay' with 'lame' . You have the right to say it, but don't act surprised when ppl tell u its offensive

[joesimmons90]

@fauxindigo well im still saying it, even though i barely say it

[fauxindigo]

@thepdw It's funny how gays may have a persecution complex, wonder where that would come from?- maybe... being persecuted?! It's doubly insulting when we're insulted and then told we're being big babies about it.

[Etular]

@fauxindigo True, but what does gay really mean? What does any word mean? We aren't "gay" or "homosexual" - those are just words that are used to label and define us. Saying "that's so gay" in a negative way is, in that sense, the same as saying "that's so couch". Only by making the phrase taboo, do we allow it to give us that negative connotation.

You could, ofcourse, say in response "No, that chair is not homosexual" - but, if it doesn't hurt anyone, then I see little point.

[fauxindigo]

@Etular So why don't people say 'that's so straight'? Because it doesn't make any sense! Saying 'that's so gay' stems from homophobia. Simple fact.

[Etular]

@fauxindigo I don't deny that, in almost all circumstances, it is homophobic and "offensive". The thing is, however, that offence is subjective. I could call you or anyone else a "bleeping bleeper", but it doesn't cause such people any harm unless, ofcourse, they accept it as an offensive phrase. The only way that all negative linguistic connotations began is via some person taking offence to some word or phrase being spoken. Same with positive connotations. The solution, therefore, seems clear.

[tjport1980]

Context is everything. Ive been called Gay and Homosexual in a way by people that they might as well said Fagot or Cocksucker.

[MagnusIan]

Louis CK has a great bit on the words "faggot", "nigger", and "cunt." Search for his special "Chewed Up."

I use the word "faggot" too, but never in some mean way referring to gay people. I support their faggot asses (:P) and I use it as a playful term.

[Jordacar]

@MagnusIan People from Phoenix are Phoenicians.

[MagnusIan]

@Jordacar Quit being a faggot and suck that dick! xD

[InsaneJestress]

For the most part, I agree with this video, and it gave me a lot of new ideas. (I often think about the English language, and how it's both sad & wonderful that it changes constantly: perfectly good words become taboo, new words are born.) But I think saying "that's so gay" or "faggot" in an innocent, light-hearted context can still be bad--because of the LISTENERS. Especially in younger listeners, hearing these phrases can subconsciously reinforce the idea that "gay" = "bad." Anyone agree?

[DevilwearinVans]

CONTEXT IS EVERYTHING!!!!

[FOmar151]

I've never understood how people can be so afraid of words. Like Dan says, context is everything. Even if the context tells you that someone is being a hateful fuck, take offense to the hatred--not the words they used to express it.

[samnyc2]

It's OK to not understand something, that's not your fault - you just need more experience or education. Words don't hurt people, people hurt people! Hey i think you have a bumper sticker there. I know, it's context, it depends on where you pull the trigger and aim the gun. Shucks it just might be harmless. @FOmar151

[YwvY]

No, this is Patrick.