Things NOT to say to someone who has had a miscarriage

[TheFertileOne]

Have you carried a baby to term yet? I am very sorry for your pain. Pain is pain, I have no idea why we feel we need to justify or quantify whose pain is the greatest or deepest.

[beautyisnteverything]

@TheFertileOne Yes I have :) he's now two years old.

[desiiireeful]

I have heard all of them. Its been a month and 5 days and it still hurts. It was only my first but i was 9 weeks along. It was so painful too.

[MommytoBe2823]

i have 2 miscarriages and ppl tell me god does thing for a reason if he does things for a reason why did he give me a blessing and ive gotten im hug i got my whole life ahead of me ppl dont understand what it feels like until it happens too them but im tryin again im sorry for your lost

[diana1lovee]

you made me feel better i wanted to die after mine im still so emotional about mine. thank you for this.

[12haileypauley]

Here is another one....my ex told me when i miscarried "it wasnt a child of God anyway it was a devil baby" one of the WORST things you could say....

[joseyrosa7]

i can totally relate to you. and it is true we will never forget something so meaningfull to us probably our husbands will for get but i allways get flashbacks and memorys of when i was prego and makes me cry alot! but ill get stronger.. i lost my bby boy when i was 17 weeks pregnate..

[TheMissJess13]

Wow, I cannot believe people would say such ignorant and thoughtless things to you. I'm sorry you've had to deal with that! I admire your positive attitude through this journey :)

[dw9559]

I can't believe someone told you those things...people can be so insensitive...the worst that we ever got was my DH's sister came over the day after, when I was still bleeding and in pain, and she was all smiling and happy b/c things were going well with her bf and she said, "I just want you guys to know I don't think anything is wrong with you, and you'll have kids." Then she started telling us how awesome her bf was. Like she didn't realize at all that we were suffering.

[ThePregnancyWeeks]

I'm sorry for your losses :/ I cannot imagine, i really cant. I know it must be extremely hard when and after it happens.. but i was wondering did you know that you will get to see them again and raise them after your life here on earth ?

[shadow01031987]

I totally get it! I am 24 and have had 3 miscarriages and i have been married for going on three years i had the first when i was a week late the second when i wa 8 weeks and the third i was 3 weeks late and all of them have been devistating just the same. I know it is so hard to hear all the it wasnt meant to be's and the your too young anyways especially from family. I have the same problem with no trouble getting pregnant just staying pregnant but i don't know why. It's hard and i feel you.

[tpfastback]

OMG I'm SO sorry you have had so many people treat you so bad. People are sick! I was blessed with two girls and I couldn't imagine losing them no matter how old or small they are/were. Your baby is your baby, and it doesn't hatter how long you got to have your baby. It is still your baby! I'm SO sorry for your losses!

[finishstrongdoc]

your story touched my heart. I know your loss. Have you heard of NaPro technology?

God bless you and keep you and your babies.

[AsianNinja17]

i agree with you hate that i was young too but i lost my baby at 8 weeks...and ppl tell me that it wasnt my time to have a kid

[2312467]

yeah i think you are totally right i am pregnant at a very young age and im only 6 weeks into it and i do consider myself a mom already and it is my baby even though its not hear in my arms yet.

[whitbit222]

Women are planners, so of course we want to know if we can/can't get pregnant. Because we want to know, what the next step is! To be honest, my effing doctor said this to me after my first miscarriage (after trying for three years) I was devastated, but so numb all I could do was smile and nod. I was so mad after, thinking I should have lashed out to try to make her understand, but you can't. Thanks for the vid.

[X2Learn]

I'm sorry that you had to be the victim of such heartless stupidity. I've been told quite a few heartless things myself. I haven't made a video but I am blogging on the subject. If you come to my channel, you can see the blog url.

[jln2227]

iv been told we can try again right after we had our miscarriage then later was told it was just to help me get through the miscarriage

[bulldogchic]

i know what you mean i cant stand it when ppl tell me that. i had one person say that i wouldnt of been a good mom yet because god didnt want me to be a mom. if god didnt want me to be a mom i wouldnt have been pregnant to begin with lol. its even hard being around babies for me now period because it just makes me wonder what my baby was gonna be like to hold. im so sorry for you loss. if you ever need to talk u can message me. i see you had a full pregnancy congradulations :)

[nicolahoffman]

My life has been over taken by trying to have a baby. Its all I think about 24/7. My husband and I have been trying for 4 years now. It has been one hell of an emtional and physical rollercoaster. We have found a dtr now that we think has just answered our prayers.

[armywife5612]

the worst thing i think a person can say is " well shouldnt you be over it by now you never really knew it anyways " said by my mother the night after i lost my baby

[naomiw87]

I'm so sorry and angry that people have said these things to you! You are very strong and brave, and I am so pleased you finally got your little boy! xxx

[happenstance1234]

The worst one I've heard...

"It's a blessing in disguise."

I was a teenager (well, still am) when I lost my baby at 6 weeks. Yes, being a seventeen-year-old mom would have kind of put my plans on hold. But a blessing?

My baby's dead. That's not a damned blessing.

[mrsMckeli]

you are SOooooOO right. I'm happy that I found't this video.. Thank you! I''m sorry that you had miscarriage, I woulf NeVer want that anyone else has to get trough of this Pain and Hurt and everithing....

Im' sorry also becouse my bad language.. hope that you will understand this text. sorry. :P

[PazKunoichi]

I hate when people say at least you weren't too far along!!! I lost my baby at 18 weeks and 5 days and believe I would never say to anybody (for example to someone that that had a first trimester miscarriage) that my pain is worst because I was almost 19 weeks. That would mean that someone who lost her baby at 28 weeks is in more main than I am!! That is so stupid. Pain doesn't have anything to do with time

[MrsLuzius]

THE BEST THING ANYONE EVER TOLD ME

don't feel guilty for crying and don't feel ashamed of being angry. If it makes you feel better break everything in the damned house. Scream and cry and rage until you can't anymore. When your done I'll be sitting right here waiting to hold you (my husband, god bless that man)

[qspan2000]

Thanks for the advice. My sister just lost a set of twin boys

[leiapadme77]

I have heard ALL those things, and it just makes me feel awful. People are soooo insensitive. Oh, My sister, and two of my cousins are pregnant right now, and everyone in my family keeps making those rude comments to me. And tells me not to be jealous of them..

[mikaeladavis23]

i hate it when people sit there and say im sorry for your loss a baby isnt a loss its a loved one that you cared for and took care of even if it was in your whom and not the outside of the whom so for everyone that sits there and says im sorry for your loss a baby is never a loss its a loved one and you cant get over it so easy it hurts this is my second misscarriage the first one i lost was march 24th 2007 and i just lost my second babys they were twins and i lost them this morning at 2;46 am

[snowb0t]

I had a friend compare my miscarriage to her abortion. She said, "Well, at least you know it wasn't your fault. I have to feel like a murderer." Ummm... really? Trying to make me feel better about the baby I actually *wanted* being taken from me, by telling me it's not as bad as her choosing to abort a perfectly healthy 12 week pregnancy? That was the worst one I heard.

[desparate4attention]

How about this one, "Maybe you guys are just trying too hard. You should be thankful for the two that you have!" That came from my loving mom.

[PanzerThirteen]

I am on the complete same page as you! The ignorance of some people is completely astounding!! Has it been hard for you to watch friends and family have babies? I'm finding that really tough. I have a support group, but we only meet once a month, and it's always when I'm "okay". But when I have a bad day, there's nobody there for me. Everyone just rolls their eyes at me.

[mymommyinspires]

My own mother told me that... Im lucky because I already have 1 baby and that another baby would make it ten times harder!!!! now im on my 3rd child and having problems and the first thing she said "God really wants you to stop having kids!!" I felt like never talking to her again... so I would always say be sensitive to the person when they are dealing with a lose or potential lose

[MsTinaxox]

my husband would tell just act like it never happen and stop worry about it

[vlewis515]

I've already commented once, but this is a relatively new one for me. I had a woman once tell me that she didn't consider it to be a miscarriage because I didn't have to have a D&C. According to her it's only a miscarriage if that happens if you pass it on your own your just got your period late. I was 7 weeks pregnant when I lost my baby and this was confirmed by a doctor, so I didn't just get my period late!

[blu3y3zhu3rita714]

it's still painful. I'm sorry for your losses but thank God he gave you a little miracle . :) Congratulations and my heart goes out to you

[blu3y3zhu3rita714]

that we came to find out later that that medication causes preterm labor. Oh yes I forgot to mention that. I will never get over that and I'm living such a good and happy life but of course I'll never get over that. We also had people tell us that if you lost a baby once, you can never get pregnant again and if you do, you'll just keep losing them. Like all the others you listed. I heard all those to. But people should never compare because it doesn't matter if it's 20 weeks or just 5 weeks

[blu3y3zhu3rita714]

I wasn't sad. For like more than 8 hours straight they kept saying get over it, get over it. They kept saying that over and over. It really made me angry. Then I yelled at them Get over what? Oh my daughter? Sorry I can never get over that. How can I get over holding my baby in my arms while she took her last breathe on me. How can I get over something like that while my baby is struggling to breathe for 45 minutes. Did I mention that the doctor prescribed me medication witout examining me

[runnybunny83]

@blu3y3zhu3rita714 i creid when reading your comment..i had one and it was hard.

[blu3y3zhu3rita714]

People are so mean. Peopl said it's my fault because I didn't take care of myself just because I stay skinny while pregnant. I kept telling them that it's in my family line. Everyone in my family never got so big and then they say, that the baby isn't going to be healthy and big just because your tummy isn't big. That's ignorance. I was only 4 to 5 months and they expected me to look like a basketball. Also, I went to a family members house but I never mentioned about the loss of my daughter an

[Leinicia]

Always getting shocked by how unthougtful and even cruel some ppl can be.

Loosing a baby you have feelings for no matter if its at .2nd month or at 9th. You lost someone you loved.

[iammeandthatsall]

I agree with you completely, i can't believe that people take your pains, and they try to top them... i don't understand why people do this, but im a type of person who will support people no matter what i am going through.

[JuggieC]

LOL at the cat playing with the tree @ .36. Mine does that too.

Some of the worst comments I got were "It was your fault for always getting emotional over small things, you posoned the baby" "You jinxed it by getting too excited too fast and startign journals and joining maternity sites" "It's not as if the baby even had a soul yet" "Well, you guys kind of have a small place, so maybe this is a sign that you shoudl move first to a bigger place"

Nice, eh?

[iammeandthatsall]

heehee i didn't realize the cat playing with the tree until i read your comment, and then i looked back at that, it was so cute!

[shannonandant]

there is another one that upset my mum

''you have two kids just be thankful''

[Kailinsullivan]

nutrients are nutrients... The placenta will pull any good out of the food you eat.. I HATED HATED when people would say "oh glad you are eating right while you are pregnant".. OMG.. we take vitamins AND the baby will take ONLY what he or she needs.

[Cypress36199]

Then she was putting all of this pressure about the wedding because I was engaged and not married. she didnt care about what I wanted- Then when I lost my baby, I miscarried on mothers day, I was four weeks and six days, I call my mother, I was a hot mess, crying and all that, and you know what the first thing out of her stupid face was? first she had a relaxing sign and said "well at least there is still time for the wedding, that buys us more time at least"

[Cypress36199]

oh wait I have a good one, when I told my mom I was pregnant, which it was a planned pregnancy, she even purchased prenatal vitamins that she had heard about for me, I tell her I am pregnant and she was not excited at all, the first thing was, "I am worried about you,I had a lady at work give birth last week and she died a week after the birth " then it was "if you dont get sleep you are going to miscarry, if you dont take your vitamins you will miscarry if you dont stay in bed you will miscarry

[mymommyinspires]

@Cypress36199 my mother was the same way with this pregnancy... sometimes moms can be inconsiderate of our feelings....

[DarkRachelynn]

I agree and not I had a still born and it just killed me inside and I had a friend who lost her baby at 6 weeks and had a daughter who is alive and would throw in my face that I could not understand her struggles and pain because I don't have a living child to take care of... I was shocked at how cold she was. I think some times women are really mean to each other. I may not have a living child and such but I felt mine move and it hurt what she said

[TattooToad16]

i am 16 and i got pregnant then miscarried and i heard them all i hate the ones that say your too young yes i am but still i hate it

[mahiney8184]

I hear a lot of these concerning infertility too.

[PrettyRicky023]

i lost ma baby when i was 16 (2006).it is about the hardest thing i could have ever went through...it hurts,,not physically,,but mentaly,,,it still bothers me till dis day,,but my fiance and i have decided that i start taking prenatal vitamins,,and hopefully all this hurting will be put to an end,,its putting our relationship n a hole,,,{{ have you ever heard of anyone taking prenatals to get pregnant??}}

[Leaxnicole]

I had a friend who started taking prenatals while trying to get pregnant and her doctor prescribed them for her for that reason. So yes it is common.

[melsgirls]

I lost my baby 3 weeks ago at almost 17 weeks. This was the hardest thing I have ever been through. I had the D&C the day I found out I lost her. We asked for her remains and we buried her and had a service for her. I loved my baby from the time I found out I was pregnant. She was already my child. Like you said, I feel better if they just say they are there if I need them and they are praying for me. I am sorry for all of your losses too. God Bless!

[ExTrApOLaTe77]

Girl, your determination to have a baby will make you a MUCH better mother than any of those people that have said negative comments to you!

[glorifying00]

I LOVE YOUR COMMENT ON NO LONGER HOW FAR ALONG YOU WERE ITS THE LOSS OF A LIFE! I LOVE THAT! so many people say to me i was only a few weeks so its no big deal.. and its still a big deal! thanks so much for that comment!

[naturallydreadful]

I just discovered your videos today and was really grieved by the things you shared in this one. I have never suffered a miscarriage and can only imagine the pain and grief those who have must feel. I am soo sorry for people's thoughtless words. The fact that you are continuing these videos shows your strength. Thanks for sharing and encouraging others. I look forward to more of your videos.

[flamechick6]

The only thing appropriate things to say to someone who has had the loss of a baby/pregnancy is "I am sorry" or "I am sorry for your loss, I'll keep you in my prayers." I can't think of anything else to say, that is how I feel...... oh one thing someone said to me is "you can't miss what you didn't have" which is complete crap, another thing to add to that list.

[amandawonderboy]

"You can't miss what you don't have"?!?!?!

Whoever said that to you is ignorant and needs to keep their mouth shut.

[goddessbluebaby]

wow im sorry that u get alot of nasty rude comments.ur meant to have children,and dont let anyone tell you diff.and ignore these rude coments.i am very sorry that u have to go through this.

[jwinds1]

I've had alot of these said to me also. I can't handle it anymore!

[MrsGuzman2u]

Hey! I totally agree with this video and that one comment @ 2:44 they should have never said that especially after they have went through the grieving process of the loss. I wasn't that far along when i lost my baby by ectopic but to this day I still grieve as if it had been in my arms and taken away. When you want something so much as a child and try for months or even yrs, the day you find out your preg. that baby was part of your mind, body and soul.

[gennychinn73]

I completely agree with eveything you said. I have had all of those same comments made to me.

[pleasedoenjoy]

so sorry for your loss

[kathrynmichelle84]

Hey Sasha... so I got my first nasty You Tube comment the other day. Someone posted something that went essentially like this, "Thousands of sperm die every time you have sex, just because one of them crawled into your uterus and stayed there for a few weeks doesn't mean anything". I just had to kind of laugh at this idiot (I approve comments, so needless to say, this one didn't get my approval, haha)

[beatrice11089]

Hey Sasha I saw almost all your videos. I'm really sorry for all ur lost..keep strong and keep ur head held high..thnks for posting these videos even though it mite be hard but i can say u've been a blessing to all of us. Especially For those who may not have a mother and is goin through pregnancies and misscarriages. Thanks for being there for us through our difficult times. When we should be there for u.. Be bless!!

[xcherrycupcakex]

befor my mom had me, she had a misscariage,now... 3 weeks ago mom told me she was pregnant, she had pissed her period for weeks. and then right on new years at 12 o clock, blood just started to flood down her leg like it was water, and it went through her pants and everything,she said this is what happenend when she lost her first baby, can someone please tell me if she had a misscarriage?

[beautyisnteverything]

hello

This is something you should talk to your mom about. If she doesn't feel like talking about it give her time. Bleeding happens during pregnancy but can be a sign of miscarriage. Just be a listening ear....

[xcherrycupcakex]

thank you for the advice, i talked to her about it and she said that when she leaned over the toilet she was bleeding and somthing big came out...i gues thats the answer =`(

[jdungan74]

I think people, family especially, say that it might have had a chromosome disorder or that it was probably for the best considering timing or a sign to get moving with jobs etc. so we don't feel like we're to blame. It's still hard because I want to ask then WHY did it even happen. I kind of agree with them, but I keep thinking that something I did contributed to it.

[kara123h]

i carnt have kids but id rather know tht than i wud misscarrage if tht makes sence

[gatesanita]

just keep trying it hurts but love..love for a baby that you knew was all urs will never go away just make it your life to give life

[beautyisnteverything]

thank you

[shinobi300]

you look sixteen thats why just curious lol.

[beautyisnteverything]

oh ok :) I get that a lot on here....but Im 21.

[Catgirllllll]

I had two people say it was because I have too much anxiety and one person said it was because I was too skinny to have a baby. Pissed me off so much. People say hurtful things and I'll never know why. I've heard a few of the ones you said on here. Losing a baby is a horrible thing to go through.

[babybearerika]

oh everything thing happends for a reason...

[rach2162082]

Sasha if I said something priceless and wrong to you, you should speak up and tell me. I did not mean to upset and I am sorry. I have never been in your shoes and no I dont understand the pain. But you have to remember that he is my brother and them babies were a loss to us also, so by no means did I mean to hurt your feelings and I would rather hear it from you than see it on here. My heart breaks everytime I watch your videos I would never mean to say something that would hurt you so bad.

[beautyisnteverything]

I tend to speak my mind so if you upset me I would have said something. Most of the negative comments came from my side of the family. I was in no way referring to you or anyone else. Trust me everyone who has said something to piss me off has heard about it already. I wouldn't put something up about anyone without confronting them first. I know the miscarriages have affected everyone and I'm grateful for all the support you guys have given us over the past year.

[TerrasHope]

I had a Family member tell me that if I would pray right i would have a family already. as if God only spoke one language. And after that would send me prayers she used to get pregnant

[AmiraWahdan]

Sasha, you are so cute! Your mannerisms and your sweet face bring a smile to mine. Stay strong and know that you have other girls out there that share your pain, that hear what you say and consider you a friend in their lives (as I do)

[iamaprincesssowhat]

The One I Heard That I HATED Was At Least You Know It's Gone To A Better Place

I Have Had 2 Children The First One At 16 Weeks And The Second At 8-9 Weeks

I Can Not Have Children Now

So I Know What Your Going Through

[ann011306]

people just have no respect for other peoples feelings.. Its pathetic and they need to think before they speak or type..

[ashleyscreativecorne]

Hi Honey! I know what you mean... we just lost our first pregnancy on Sept 19th @ 12 weeks... baby only grew to 6w3d. I feel your pain. My grandmother has said everything under the sun...and it hurts. I just try to tune her out! Know that you're in my prayers!

Hugs,

Ashley

[misaaliyah]

amen sister! i hate when people make rude comments to me. it makes it harder when it's family saying it to you. or u have family say "havin kids is hard to deal with its not easy" and it's always ppl who have kids that say that and have never been in our shoes. HATE IT!

[Tarastomsgirl]

I'll give you one. My own mother told me my miscarriage was karma for any bad things I'd done in the past. Which I'm not sure what bad things I've done to deserve that. I lost my baby 8 weeks ago. Talk about hurtful right. I also have gotten, " It could have been worse' ... umm no I think worst case senario was the baby died.. Idiots, people are so insensitive

[Steph11299]

wow people are really stupid and insentive i'm sorry for your losses and I hope one day that when you tell us good news of you being pregnant that the pregenacy keeps well I wish you and your husband the best!

[magpie375]

I can't believe some of those thingz ppl would say 2 someone who haz lost a baby! That's ridiculous/stupid!

[JLUV27834]

I can't believe what some aholes say!

[anjie702]

I understand what u mean about this video u r so right about it.

[kathrynmichelle84]

Thanks for replying Sasha... I can't believe some of the things people have said to you. Thanks for sharing and for getting these things out there!!!

[andmb37]

im very sorry, and im sorry for the mean people on utube.. i deal with them also, it ruins your day