Device Prevents Nick Nolte From Driving

[h0rnd0917]

Screw it, I can't drive anyway just wanted to see how fortunate you guys were to have technology advance

[railtank]

Great. Just another government mandated device to interfere with my private life. People should be outraged that the government is going to make us have these in our cars!

[yusiftheranger]

they spelled "complexion" and "wide" wrong

[d3r1t0e5]

woulda been better if they locked up the gas pedal? lol

[fingerme100]

@appak2 Website not found

[almabatard]

the dyson fan is freaking $600

[centremid8albion]

onion new just found out that when its spring they will change they name to "thespringonion".

[Strikerklm96]

@fingerme100 Search "chinese paper publishes onion news" in google and click on the first one, it wont let me post a link. He was right! I didn't even believe it.

[haupper]

"If you starred in Jefferson in Paris... you should not be behind a wheel." Poor Thandie Newton!

[navylaks2]

L.O.L.

[H0ll0w360]

@ serbocop666 come up with a better name, faggot

[TwaletBrush]

@H0ll0w360 LMFAO! totally agree! XD

[ayayay111]

@H0ll0w360 l2 reply on youtube

[TheCreedFollower]

Doesn't Nolte use a sterring wheel-less Motorcycle? The new safety features are useless.

[bodacioused1]

everybody needs to watch brass eye it's the original British show which this whole premise of fake comedic news comes from, it's a little bit more risqué. However the onion is still hella balls to the wall fucking awesome lolz

[P3dofox]

Thumbs up if you heard the guy say

"the antidickalizer"

you can hear it at time 1:11

[TheNewfrewelian]

@P3dofox I think it was Andy-Dick-alizer! But yours sounds better

[Serbocop666]

Americans have the right to suck my cock

[ShaithMaster]

@Serbocop666 rammstien blows

[Stewiegriffinist]

But what if Nick Nolte is wearing a mask? Your car feature is shit, now. xD

[chancedennis100]

dicksizler and the size more cock



[IncrediblyStupidName]

0:40, read all the so called " seven prominent features"

[techbeast34]

Now, the best device would be keeping Twilight DVDs away from DVD Players, iPods and iPhones, and computers.

[chancedennis100]

keep pressing 7 then 8 say beef you can make rap

[loneamaruq]

Seriously? Tiger Woods. Huh. You guys are dumb.

[2pu200]

press 4 repeatedly? whats he doing?

[coolcourky]

What if he still pressed the acceleration pedal?

[jakaleo098]

fuck google ads

[macintub]

@jakaleo098 No need to come to a sexual intercourse with google ads. Just install "Adblock Plus" extension for Chrome or Firefox and you are good to go.

[tthedarkangel]

i'm currently developing a device to stop ditzy blonds from driving only problem is the keep screwing up the hardware

[3billion3]

Nick Nolte...Doesn't he drive a Pontiac Viagra?

[FeralArtist]

What if they wear a mask?

[MorbidGuardian]

And what about Billy Joel? 

[Eclaier1]

here is what he could do activate the device and get out of it's way and results ate 0% of whoever the f*** this guy is

[Ghettobusters2]

Should not have watched this one. I hate to think of what type of device someone is working on right now to sell in sex shops that they will call the Andy Dickalizer?

[Runnyscape20]

Who is he, exactly?

[hempartist420]

NOLTE NOLTE NOLTE

[MrSafetymeeting]

He'll just drive older cars. I say we just shoot him.

[RomZruleTeHworld]

hahaha 0:39's like mw2 loading LOADING movies!

[whiskeyify]

I read an article about Nick Nolte and his drinking...he said he and his friends would go out drinking all night The bars would close at 2am so then they would get on an airplane flight. They didn't care where the plane was going...they just wanted to do some more drinking.

[omarct]

Gay men should definetly not be allowed to die in war. Lesbians are a completey different matter though(shouldnt be optional for them). LOL, no but seriously why kill gay men when you can kill straight ones. The less straight men the better, more pussy for me.

[Marc101110000]

they need another movie.

[ZacharyHere]

next we make one for lindsy lohan

[RedrocketGTR]

how much cost one of this ?

[atomic519]

best thing about these vids is reading a bunch of comments from people who think this shits real. haha

[xmisogyny]

So glad I'm not Nick Nolte

[malubayraymond]

nick nolte made 67 accounts and disliked the video

[sad4ewer]

:DDDDDDDDDDD

[VTACaliChrs]

hahah fucking stupid 1lol

[T3hbassmasta]

They should do this except for height of the person so that the little old grannys that can hardly see the taillights of vehicles in front of them cannot drive. it scares me every time and is the reason i drive a truck.

[KenoKatze]

@T3hbassmasta didnt you get that truck when you married your cousin?

[T3hbassmasta]

@KenoKatze Yup, How did you know? Was it the fact that i drive a truck? Or was it the fact that you dont know me? Is is the fact that I don't even know my cousins? What gave it away?

[dbfan2scfan]

@T3hbassmasta

Eh Just ram 'm. Giv 'm a gud scare an make sure they dont come back on the express way again.

[T3hbassmasta]

@dbfan2scfan That would be illegal

[skatermaster10000]

@T3hbassmasta The girls here in slovakia should be banned from driving. Also the "tough guys" who just got there drivers license. I swear to god all always see women driving and talking on their cellphones and so many news stories that 18-23 year olds got killed cause they were speeding down a highway and losing control or crashing into an oncoming car.

[pivotDX123]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

[lolzomgz1337]

Why does it always cut off the end? D:

[Anyrpg]

Nick Notle looks like George Bush with wacky hair.

[shonoo600]

i first i was laughing my ass off now im............................­.........giggle...giggle LAUGHING MY ASS OFFF HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE­HEHEHEHE

[garriford8]

The onion might be fake, but its funny as fuck!!!

[buffalosoldier90]

the new youtube sucks donkey dicks

[Ypthor]

@buffalosoldier90 each new youtube does that, and then a few things get fixed, the rest gets used to.........and then comes another new youtube

[SenorDetesto]

oh gawd. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. This is genius!

[x0myspace0x]

How can they have so serious faces when they're filming these?

[sb9889]

0:56 the guy on the left is trying not to laugh haha!

[xXghostninja]

i love watching the onion news its soo real

[webkinzlover4ever101]

THE ONION NETWORK IS SO FUCKING FAKE



[NShredz]

@webkinzlover4ever101 your fake

[nenu]

@webkinzlover4ever101

smartest comment ever!! u sure r smart!

[akmodzelew]

@webkinzlover4ever101 good work genius nobody knew that

[JSMyst]

lol yes lets make car companys install these in all cars and rip us off even more

[BenBasque]

from the thumbnail picture, i thought it blinded them with lasers

[argozempo]

If you really want to make traveling safer, come up with something that will keep Nick Nolte from getting behind a shopping cart.

[alksin]

moving the white house

[asdasasefasd]

anti dickilizer =P

[bloodanddimonds]

i no this is fake and all but that would actully be smart to catch ppl who are wanted. the doors lock the windows dont break no possible way out and it sends the warning to the nearest police station. well my family screwed

[tkdalexitf]

(sigh of relief)

[bb33nnii]

finally! ive been waiting for this!!

[reformedfruit]

"Nolte! Nolte!  Nolte!"

[Y3ll0wSoda]

talk about singing out for billions of dollars

[timonix2]

actually, that would be great for insurance purposes... you always know who drove too fast, or WHO FUCKING CRASHED MY CAR!?

[TuesdayMorningInSept]

Nick Nolte is Awsome..

[AnotherUser1000]

Does this Michael Bannon-guy, really look like Al Pacino(Godfather, Devil' s advocate etc), or I just have watched a shit-load of internet bullshit(gooood shit though).

[AnotherUser1000]

It has crossed my mind millions of times, that if an archaeologist of the future finds(among many other things) some of this onion-shit, they will be probably be teaching in the schools our current history totally fucked-up. On the other hand, I think that this is what we already do...

[TarenReyem]

i know this is fake, but seriously car companies, get on that

[sk8rguy4life1123]

it must suck being his twin

[valarmanwe]

The first time I ever heard of Nick Nolte was when he portrayed the character Tom Jordashe in Rich Man Poor Man. In that he was just fantastic.

[DrFrankLee]

He can always carpool with RIP TORN, MEL GIBSON and GARY BUSEY !!!!!

[Kent3003434]

now they just need one for charley sheen

[proprog5000]

you know what this is a great Idea I know this is a joke but what if the car locks down if you didn't pay your taxes or if you are a criminal etc!

[NikkiIsChillin]

Well its about time! Thanks Safety Department!!!

[AtomicDriveBy]

Jesus, is Nick Nolte driving again? I thought the government put an end to that shit.

[AoEnigMoonxPhase]

(off topic) Jacque Fresco- Search for Venus Project & Zeitgeist Movement! Beyond Poverty, Politics, Crime & War. A world w/out Money, is it even possible? Stop the Greed w/in the Government ! (Links are in my page!!) Act Now before it's to late !!!

[mdk21984]

Just discovered The Onion, greatest thing ever.LMAO

[migu3lito0909]

They should do this but for OJ Simpson.

[a1374034]

@migu3lito0909 As far as I'm concerned, OJ Simpson is an innocent man.

[waterfight2202]

"Is your brain influencing your vote?" hahaha

[evillttlimp]

hahaha "nolte nolte nolte nolte!"

[DaveyDizzle187]

@evillttlimp loling

[MrSwisher666]

Lmfao rat food recall hitting wierd goth types the hardest

[Klownzie0609]

wat thats stupid!!! u dont know if its only him who do that!!

[HotIronLungButter]

Nick Nolte is no longer a threat. Now we have to worry about Tiger Woods fuckin everywhite piece of tail in the nation. They should have mounted the "Nike" logo on his hats and shirts backwards and at a 90 degree angle.

[randomxm1]

Jizz.

[frameflow]

y'all hear about what china did? onion made this report on how theyre moving the white house, and this chinese paper published it....

and then when they found out that the onion wasnt actually for real, they flipped out

[TheBrothersCompound]

@frameflow omfg are you serious? thats some funny shitt!

[souaikim1]

@TheBrothersCompound haha yea dude thats happened before when idiot news people around the world think the onion is for real and they publish it. lol every time

[elemental0wnage]

@frameflow  really? O_o

[BahoUtot]

@frameflow LMAO. Any link?

[MrGhostXMASpast]

@frameflow

they put alot of effort into realism for sure.

on the 200 kidney's cast i only could pick out the stiff hair she had that a vetren news caster's hair would be trained in that style and use less product to keep it there

by the time the doctor said fresh i knew it was fake, however.. other countries can be fooled on less

[mutageno]

@frameflow LOL YOU HAVE LINK?

[lolzomgz1337]

@frameflow really?  that sounds baddass, source please? :D

[805bigchris]

@frameflow forreals? is there a link yu can post so i can see it? i wanna see that hahaha =]

[EternalSoldier99]

@frameflow Really?

[SPONGEBOBFTW123]

@frameflow pls tell me ur joking

[NucularRobit]

@SPONGEBOBFTW123 Nope he's not. It is because China pirates so much, they ended up just translating the Onion piece and presenting it as real news. I can't post the link cause YouTube won't let me, but just Google "U.S. Satire Tricks Beijing Paper"

[LocoGroove]

@frameflow no way hahahahahaha

[chickenruler]

@frameflow

yeah..... sounds very real....

(sarcasm)

[Cronos844]

@frameflow really?

[InfiniteMomentStudio]

@frameflow

what is your source... i do not believe it... no matter how much i want to

[AwesomeActress101]

@InfiniteMomentStudio No, I'm pretty sure that actually did happen. Look it up on Wikipedia.

[VitaNuovaRevolution]

@AwesomeActress101 Well....wikipedia isn't really the most reliable source. :p And that sounds just like the Onion, screwing with Wikipedia people as well. XD I like to have two sources at least before I believe anything.

[dmanschaumbizzie]

@frameflow where can i find that video?

[fingerme100]

@frameflow I researched this and found no evidence supporting your claim. Please give me a link.

[ONLYBESTVlDEOSFORYOU]

watch the full CBS interview with onion founder Ben Dover

[TheDuffman86]

who the fuck is Nick Nolte

[Klownzie0609]

the guy who kidnapp kids and bring them to other state and leave them thier dont ask me why he does that

[PanjoVeracha]

You can't stop Nick Nolte from driving. He's a crafty little fucker who knows how to get through any alarm system. Ask Eddie Murphy.

[Leontheon]

True that, ever heard of a photograph mask? problem solved.

[argozempo]

I could only dream of a Nolte-free highway. Or Sizemoreless streets. Or a Dick-free freeway.

[dudeXZX20]

A Dick-free freeway is MY cup-of-joe.

[rhinogek]

where do i buy one

[rhinogek]

i knew that dumbass

[jaffacake1578]

thenwhy did you asks whre you could get on

[jarred121]

this is da lolzords

[Marksman250]

funny, but fucking smart imagine industrializing this to keep people from robbing cars (unless they hotwire it, no wait you still need to scan before unlocking the wheel), maybe even detecting criminals :o

SHOTGUN!

[lordlong]

no its just not practical since it would cost alot to make and install taht people will choose to buy a car without it and install a anti-thief alarm instead

[aSuperbadassninja]

nolte nolte

[l4pt0p2]

really?

[akeemak22]

did you listen to the car alarm so fuckin funny, it say's nolti nolti nolti nolti

[CarbineKingClassic]

God damn Nick Nolte!!!

[playboymaxim]

LOL that was funny!

[HateCrimeJesus]

Andy Dickalizer

[masterlesean]

Won't Nick Nolte just see the scanner on the steering wheel and hear the alarm beeping then he will just run out and break the car?

[25Centesimi]

Look, Nick Nolte doesn't have to hotwire these cars. I think he made enough money to hire Eddie Murphy to do it for him. All Nick just has to make sure Eddie doesn't pick up any transvestites or such, as they pass through Hollywood.

[cloudberry121]

Jefferson in Paris really was the last straw.

[linkio123]

LOL

[Badassdude1234]

How will it work if Nick Nolte begins wearing a mask and wig.........

[OneRadRudeboy]

OH SHI-

[Badassdude1234]

OH SHI- indeed

[katikar1]

you do realize your just crazy, right?

[JOLEMONGOL]

Dude stop with the paranoid theories about vaccines...vaccines basicaly contains a small harmless bit of the virus.When shot into the body the white cells start producing an anti-virus for this particular virus meaning that when you actually catch the virus your body already knows how to react and what anti-virus to use.I've had dozens of vaccines in my life and i can assure you that i never caught autism, which CANNOT be caught by the way.Your born with autism you can't catch it.Now please stfu

[FreddyBenelli]

You suck at spelling. That's my primary concern.

[lordtalon69]

My primary concern is why you are replying to a post that is a year old :).

[FreddyBenelli]

Thumbs up to you.

[zuwizzle]

but i hear the vaccinnes are being forced in the UK and they generally forecast what the US will do eventually...what legal right do i have to avoid it? I really don't trust the vaccine

[gunforsale]

you have the right to just go "fuck it, i dont need your shit"

[TheShazbah]

they arnt forced in the UK so I really dont know where you got that from : /

[telekinetic100]

You're paranoid.

[jmrwacko]

Vaccines contain food enhancers and nanochips... what?

[LorenzoJ979]

rofl the text at the bottom is always hilarious

[Ricksdetrix]

this IS the real news lol

[Pheenak]

if only D:

[Anonymous4th3lulz]

lulz

[mrchuckmorris]

6'1, Hawaiian Shirt, Greasy Hair, Craggy Complexion, Wiild Eyes, Oblong Cranium, Thin Lips... Lol they got him down perfectly

[vidviewer401]

Wouldn't it great if this was real news: )

[luvdemladies]

...im not digging the sound of this anti-dick-a-lizer

[Maddhater1]

not anti-dick-a-lizer, Andy-Dick-a-lizer

[ScissorsSC]

rofl

[existenceisrelative]

And it's "p-e-d-a-n-t", not "p-i-d-a-n-t".

[kirkwanglers32]

Very Clever, iam working on a removable steering wheel how can somebody pinch your car, without a steering wheel,also fingerprint recognition -Iris recognition,to open your car.