Emotional Abuse & Bullying In The Workplace

[ms2toodivine]

As a retired federal civil rights judge I have witnessed the cruelty of employers. There is a black and white movie titled "Gaslighting." The psychological terror tactics on employees without their realization is devastating. Look up the word in a large scale dictionary and then rent the movie. The dynamics at play are the horrific beginnings of the psychological warfare against the employee which he is never aware of. Respectfully submitted, Hon. Mary Elizabeth Bullock (Retired)

[ROCKSEA1968]

You know what really hurts? When one works for an agency that serves the public who are ill but make an employee ill. I want to scream on the rooftop that due to my employer my life, health and future are all at risk!

Workplace bullies are also manipulative and often are in managerial positions who work through primary supervisors to do their dirty deeds. I am home for over a month now, after almost a decade of this abuse, and don't know if I ever want to return.

How? Why? It's Criminal

[bommaritok]

This is sooo true. It is so bad where I work. People including me have been made sick by this. My mental state is out of control. Drugs to sleep, drugs to get out of bed. Feeling suicidal. And u can't afford to quit your job.

[Hawaiiansky11]

Robjay - I just had that thought this week. I now know why Isome) people go berserk and shoot up their workplace. ALthough in my case, it would be a very select few...it saddens me that I feel like acting out violently due to this crap, when I'm not normally that way.

[Cornbag]

workplace bullying = the SLAVES need somebody to throw to the lions.

[98miamia]

We call this intimidating behaviour in the work place as they try and intimidate you!!

[98miamia]

There is no respect for women in some workplaces by certain types of men. They think a women is not capable of doing the job nor should she earn the £££ that she desires. There is a lot of jealousy and sleazy lying going on behind closed doors and the boss is sometimes involved in this too!

[98miamia]

I had the guts to stand up to my bully and really put him in a reality check and corner, and could have him up for defamation of character, also because he feels threatened as I am so good at my job.

[robjay87]

and u wonder why people come back and shoot up the place..its soooooooooo sad

[coccinelle80]

@robjay87 seriously! My ex boss is lucky that no one showed up at the office with a .44 with his name on it. Workplace harassment can be just as detrimental to one's health as physical workplace hazards, yet it is not taken as seriously.

[OfficialKxren]

@robjay87 too true!

[javoneybaby]

I have a boss thats a real piece of work so I got tired and went to the doctor so he can give me something for anxiety and now when he targets me and I feel tence and nervous I just take a xanax on his ass and pretend as if he's not there and am so relaxed he could just chew my ass up all day and just when he starts to get to me again i just take another one,so he doesn't even bother me anymore.

[coccinelle80]

@javoneybaby Trust me baby, karma is a bitch! My boss harassed me for three years. I reported him to HR and to other management several times, and little was done. He got even more arrogant and eventually his actions caused him to be dismissed. Now he is a broke ass muthafucka in collections with all of his creditors. He used to make 60K+ per year and now he'll probably end up working at McDonald's, no offense to any cool fast food workers out there!

[javoneybaby]

I have a boss thats a real piece of work so I got tired and went to the doctor so he can give me something for anxiety and now when he targets me and I feel tence and nervous I just take a xanax on his ass and pretend as if he's not there,since his bark is way louder than his bite.

[javoneybaby]

HOSTILE WORKPLACE ENVIROMENTS LEAD TO LAW SUITS AND LOST JOBS.I'VE ALREADY LEARNED TO DEAL WITH THESE PEOPLE WITH MY PEN.ALWAYS KEEP TRACK OF THE ABUSE,IT WILL MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE AND IT HELPS IF YOU HAVE LEGAL COUNSEL IN THE FAMILY THAT CAN INVESTIGATE AND CREATE A CASE AGAINST THIS UNETHICAL BEHAVIOR.DO NOT BE INTIMIDATED PEOPLE,YOUR EMPLOYER DOES NOT HAVE A RIGHT TO BELITTLE,THREATEN OR HARASS YOU.

[PurpleHoneyBear]

My second day at my new job was extremely unpleasant as the person who was training me at one point yelled at me from across the store, embarrassing me in front of customers. I let her know that I was upset and that I didn't appreciate how she treated me. She apologized, but she seems to have issues with switching between personalities, as though she feels stressed being in a position of a trainer. It has made me physically ill because I do not know how to handle the emotional toll.

[javoneybaby]

@PurpleHoneyBear Dont worry PurpleHoneyBear they'll get theirs eventually.People like that always do,i've seen it too many times.

[Rockthatbody]

FInally, the time has come to put an end to needless hostility in the work place.

Support the healthy Workplace Act and contact you state representatives

Lets make this a federal law-

[tangnatalaga]

If anyone abuse me in a workplace I don't give a shit if it's my boss. I would feel sorry for what I would do to them. I don't take shit like that and I tell them in thier face. The last one that tried that shit on me got into their senses. Fire me and they will get a wrongfull termination.

[chocomocha]

I expereinced emotional abuse by a collegue.

[Rex7555]

Take action against workplace bullying. Management will not solve this problem. They are the problem. Politicians and lawmakers have to solve this problem. Canvas them. There are petitions available through the internet. Find live petitions against workplace bullying and sign them. Alternatively submit your own petition.

[TheDraconiankiller]

I'm going through currently and fighting back and documenting everything, even recording conversation (meeting with supervisor). HR is useless and they fear for their job as well. especially when an agenda is taking place of trimming down the department and they let managers pick and choose whom they want gone. But I'm fighting back with my brain power but I am emotionally and physically exhausted.

[Shukria123]

Fear of unemployment makes you a scared employee who'll put up with emotional abuse.

[Rockthatbody]

@Shukria123

That is so common and tramatizing for you and the people who love you.

Contact your state and federal representatives and tell them what you think. Most sites have a email address you can submit an issue. Tell them you support that HealthyWorkplaceAct

[millencolin1978]

HR is useless when you go through a bad experience from a bullying from their supervisors. the managers and supervisors have a unfair advantage to be able to have more credibility than the regular employee. call centers are bad for power trip type supervisors who think it's ok to be a dictator to people.

[dbrb253630]

It takes a lot more than encouragement, positive and motivational words to make you feel better if you are in a bad psychological state as a result of being exposed to workplace emotional abuse and you have not sought proffessional help. I have been through this situation and before giving up hope I recommend receiving help from a professional. It takes time and it takes quite a bit of work but you just have to believe in yourself however difficult it may seem at the moment. Don't give up!

[drlbarrow]

Bullied individuals need as much support as possible to get through their bullying experience. They definitely need professional help. They also need the love and support of friends and family. It is important for individuals to know that they are NOT alone and that help is available. They need time to heal and to regain their strength. Bullied people must be patient with themselves as they go through the healing process. Hope will be restored as individuals heal and discover their true purpose

[SPOTLIGHTONE]

Sorry Dear, The damage is too long done. Theres no way i'll ever have any kind of a REAL life again. All the talking to all the counselors in the world won't give me back to ME. i fear, thats lost forever. Thankyou for caring anyway...if you ever know of anyone needing a rather old, battered damaged stagehand, just leave me a msg......

[drlbarrow]

Though you may be damaged, you still have the strength within you to overcome your situation and to become victorious. It starts with believing in yourself and not giving up on yourself. You are in a time of transition which can be scary. Here is your opportunity to discover your true calling and to pursue it with passion. You have a unique purpose that only you can fulfill. I encourage you to begin to discover what that purpose is. Muster up the strength & courage to believe in "YOU" again.

[Hawaiiansky11]

@SPOTLIGHTONE  - Hey don't give up on yourself. Being abused doesn't have to damage you permanently. If you don't want to talk to a counselor, journal your thoughts. Read books and webpages on how to recover from emotional abuse, not just in the workplace.

Don't let the bastard who put you through it win by going on with their life while you are struggling every day. Do it for the revenge, if that is the only motivation. The best revenge is a happy life. The bully is only acting happy.

[SPOTLIGHTONE]

i was bullied out of a union position. The lies and slander continue to this day, five years later. My life has been destroyed. i've lost everything, but most importantly; they stole ME.i don't know who i am anymore. My own kids have had to watch their own mom DIE right in front of them. The abuse continues; i can't work in three states because of these lies. i got a job in a non union house, but another bully just took up the torchand bullied me out. No one will step up & admit whats happening.

[drlbarrow]

I know things seem bleak right now. I am here to tell you that things will get better. I understand what you are going through. Bullying can rob us if we allow it to do so. I encourage you to begin to focus on your strengths. You have much to offer. You can gain victory over the bullying. I encourage you to reach out to professionals for assistance. Talk to a counselor & begin to take back your life. Begin taking the steps needed to reclaim your life. You can do it! Believe in yourself.

[dutytocareforothers]

Report all abusive individuals to anonymous blogs. Expose them.

[dutytocareforothers]

I experienced abuse like this at the university of Texas at Austin. That place is a hellhole.

[drlbarrow]

I am sorry to read of your bullying experience. Unfortunately, bullying occurs in various types of workplaces. That is why we need legislation and policies in place. All employees need to be protected from workplace bullies. I trust you are seeking professional assistance to help you heal and to move forward with your life. Please don't let bullying stifle you and stop you from realizing your full potential. You have much to offer this world.

[WhiteFlowerLei76]

Clients and customers can also be abusive and cruel and when employers permit that abuse its like working in hell.

[merc340sr]

Best thing to do:1) record time, date and nature of abuse. 2) file a complaint in the form of a well written and concise letter to HR --or even to CEO of the company --describing the details of abusive behaviour, time, date, and the effects it's having on you. Request immediate corrective action. Usually that works. If it doesn"t work, take your complaint letter to State Or Provincial "Labor Relations Board. Let them handle it. If that doesn't work, change jobs.

[ncollier1]

Fortunately in the UK the 1997 Protection from Harassment Act can be used against employers and civil penalties imposed. Although most people and employers are not aware of it.

[drlbarrow]

Why do you believe more employees have not pursued this option? Is it a lack of awareness or fear? Some employees are so fearful of losing their jobs, they will not stand up to the bully or let someone know what is going on. Just as we encourage our children to tell us if someone has touched them in an inappropriate manner, we must encourage targeted individuals to tell someone when they are being bullied. HR can play a critical role in creating a safe environment for employees.

[WhiteFlowerLei76]

Ive had to endure alot of abuse from employers, its gotten so bad that Ive even considered suicide to escape the abuse. The economy is so bad that Im afraid of ending up homeless and yet I get physically nausous before going to work, I wake up several times a night upset and crying.

[drlbarrow]

Dear one,

Please let a loved one or professional know how you are feeling asap. Please do not take your life. You CAN and will get through this difficult time.You are not alone. Please reach out to someone. I know the impact bullying can have on a person. I know what it is like to be emotionally & physically exhausted because of bullying. Trust me, you can be victorious. You are a valuable person. You have a unique purpose in this world. Know that you are loved. I am praying for you.

[WhiteFlowerLei76]

Everyone that has ever hurt me has gotten away with it, I feel like its pointless to fight back anymore. I was even blackmailed a few years ago and its ruining my life. Nothing good ever happens to me, my life is just pain.

[drlbarrow]

I understand how overwhelmed you are feeling, that is why it is so important for you to call your doctor or a counselor. Tell a loved one. You are a valuable person who deserves to live. Right now you can't see your worth because of the pain you are experiencing, however, please know that you can get through this difficult time. You CAN heal from the hurt that has been heaped on you. You must seek help. You need someone who can help carry your burden. You are not alone. Call someone asap.

[javoneybaby]

@WhiteFlowerLei76 "all i can say is that my life is really plain...you dont like my point of view and im insane....its not sane...its not sane...White Flower i hope youre feeling better now and youve resolved your issues with the person blackmailing you,let me know if i can help you out with something ok?you may think that they got away with it,and it may even appear that they got away with it,but thet really didnt...

[yuhavinit1]

fortunately i wasn't affraid of my bully boss. the problem she cause was due to her locking me in a closet for twenty minutes against my will. 911 was called on the scene. them it was on. i cannot get into the details but would like to share my story.

[drlbarrow]

Unless the person threatens you or physically harms you, there isn't much the police will do. Workplace bullying is not illegal. That is why we need state and federal laws to protect employees from bullies. Right now, bullied individuals in the US are not protected by legislation and that is why some individuals are taking advantage of the situation. They are not being held accountable for their actions and neither are the organizations.

[hollywoodartchick]

This is very true - in a country proud of its "freedoms," 8 hours of everyone's day is spent in dictatorships. Also, this BS about "Document it" only works if you BELIEVE you are being bullied. The psychological degradation starts slow and accelerates. By the time you think you may be bullied, your self-esteem is so low that you believe you deserve it, and coworkers are so grateful not to be the target du jour that they corroborate that.

[urbancyclist1]

The police could do something do. Document it! Maybe even get the person arrested.

[urbancyclist1]

Re going to a higher employer, I am concerned that I won't be believed as the abuse happens on the telephone.

[drlbarrow]

The organization has a responsibility to ensure the workplace is not a hostile one. You need to notify them of the situation, first of all, for your personal protection and second of all so that the organization has an opportunity to address the issue. This is also part of the documentation process. If you decide to take legal action in the future, at least you will have proof that you informed the organization of the situation. You need to prove that the bullying is occurring regularly.

[phileustace]

I have been told that my performance is below standard. I work long hours from 7am to 7pm most days. My employer singles me out by giving others the belief that i don't know what i am doing. He also said I have dyslexia. I never have had a mental diagnosis before but i took great offence when he said that I was dyslexic all because i made typing errors on my reports which he says are happening too frequently. Because of these typing errors he has placed me on a warning. Is he a bully ??

[drlbarrow]

Phileustace,

Your boss is displaying behavior that would be considered bullying behavior. He is seeking to destroy your professional status by belittling you and publicly humiliating you. He has absolutely no right to treat you this way. I would encourage you to contact HR. Be sure to document the interactions. Whether you have dyslexia or not, his attitude towards people with disabilities could be seen as discriminatory. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. No one deserves to be bullied.

[drlbarrow]

Confront the bully about the behavior. Don't be afraid. Take control. If you are in a union talk to your union rep. Report the situation to HR. An investigation should be done. Go as high up in the organization as you can. If the bullying continues contact a lawyer. If you are being targeted b/c of your race, gender, disability file a complaint w/ EEOC. It is very important to document the incidences, people you talked to, what was said & done. You are in essence building your case.

[likethecats]

I worked in the customer service office of a department store. Total emp # 5000+ store 90, 1 mgr, 2 ast.mgr, 10 dept mgr. Problem: Dept mgr's rotated as night duty acting store mgr's. Each night a different mangmnt. style. Difficult to please and not contradict policies. Store Mgt, Ast Mgr, HR, non responsive to employees lower than dept. mgr. HR partial, biased, non-professional in conduct, not discreet. Where would you direct concerns and avoid local retaliation. To who's attention?

[candlelyte008]

FYI: It's my experiene that complaining to supervisors in these kinds of organizations is a waste of time, and 'standing up for yourself ' backfires. You really can't win when bullying is an institutional problem. I think it's better to cut your losses and move on to a better work environment.

[drlbarrow]

In an abusive workplace often the bullied person's concerns are ignored or the bullying increases after the person raises those concerns. The bullied person must let HR, his/her boss and whomever else know of the bullying. He/she must document the incidences for litigation purposes. The reality is the bullied person isn't protected because anti-bullying laws don't exist in most countries, so companies do little to address the bully's behavior. There needs to be more accountability.

[candlelyte008]

I just quit a job where bullying is an unspoken part of the corporate culture and I was on the recieving end. I quit WITHOUT having a job lined up, & even with the bad economy, it's like this huge weight is just gone...I would rather suffer in the short-term financially than tolerate that kind of treatment any longer, the stress was begining to affect my health. I think it was a ploy to 'cut staff' but I don't even care, I'm just glad it's over.

[CatpurrRobertaBobbi]

Your an amazing person you speak in a way that you dont need a textbook to understand. I have alot of knowledge on the issue. As an employee who has been in charge of others and as an underling. I have been abusive abused and have seen abusives. I do know that when the line of respect is crossed you can never go back. As an abuser the victim often allows you to continue or they quit. As a victim you lose fear of the abuser or you quit or run. You feel trapped by your roles and cant break free.

[Ocelot1962]

Companies want to reduce staff without paying severance packages or unemployment compensation. They motivate managers with bonuses to chase innocent people away empty handed. In the Plutocratic States of American, corporations control congress and judges, so they keep on using psychological violence as a cheap method of staff reduction. Simply put, bullying pays, and the little people are screwed. I advise the young to emigrate to another country.

[drlbarrow]

In order for bullying to end in the workplace there needs to be legislation passed. I am currently involved in trying to get the first anti-bullying law passed in New York state. Just as discrimination based on race, gender, disability and etc is illegal, workplace bullying should be illegal. Contact your local and state representatives about supporting workplace anti-bullying bills. New York residents here is the info. for the Healthy Workplace Bill S08793 and A10291. We can stop bullying.

[Ocelot1962]

I appreciate that, Dr. Burrow, and I want it to succeed. My problem with it is it is at the state level when it needs to be at the federal level. If you pass a bill like that in New York, then they'll just pull up stakes and move to Texas. And you will never, ever pass a bill like this in Texas. I'm sorry to be defeatist, but I've been defeated for too long. I had to moved to Bully Paradise Texas because they lured all the work down here with their weak labor laws. Texans are too stupid.

[likethecats]

Thank You Dr. Barrow, you are working for what I feel we need. Protection from emotional abuse in a workplace that is assumed to be transparent and fair. I have seen women become so desperate that they will put "sexual content" into their abusive situation. I have seen desperate people discribe their abuse as ethnic in nature. The civil rights we do have were too hard won to misuse them.  An abusive workplace turns people into haters. How many parents bring a bad day home to their children.

[likethecats]

100% to Ocelot. I support unions more so than not. When I worked in a Corp. office, after using me up my boss decided I was no longer qualified. As for retail work, a new version of "the Mill" for women. America needs to go back to union representation.

[nthomas32]

My boss says I haven't shown improvement since I started 8 months ago, and throws tirads. She also says I deserve the belittling comments because I don't deserve praise. i feel sick and nervous all the time.

[drlbarrow]

I am sorry to read of your situation. No one deserves to be bullied. Your boss obvious is an insecure person who uses her position to intimidate others. I would encourage you to document the incidences and talk to your HR representatives. Don't be afraid of this bully and don't let her rob you of your peace of mind. You are a valuable person who deserves to be treated in a more positive manner. Continue to believe in yourself and seek other opportunities. You need to protect yourself.

[urbancyclist1]

Mine also told me I deserved it too.

[nthomas32]

That woman ended up firing me two months ago. I have a new job, but I am still angered by what happened. I even purposely sabatoged an interview with a potential boss because I got a bully vibe from her. I think I'm going to a shrink after my health insurance kicks in.

[drlbarrow]

It is important for individuals to let the HR department know about bullying so that measures can be taken to end stop it. the incidences must be documented. Unfortunately, because many organizations do not have anti-bullying policies, the human resource representatives do not know how to handle the situation. There is a tremendous need for organizations to have an anti-bullying policy and to ensure that all employees are aware of it and the consequences for violating the policy.

[bullybehindyou101]

HR is most guilty as they should be there to protect the victim, NOT to carry out company witch hunt to isolate and turn on the victim, driving them to leave. Never fixing the problem or culture and condoning the bully. Often promoting them out of fear, and to get rid of them.

Thank you for posting.

[likethecats]

I dont' trust HR. They work for the company not for any one employee.

[drlbarrow]

The bottom line is that HR is concerned about the needs of the organization and protecting its reputation. Having said that, you must inform them of the bullying and provide them with the opportunity to address the issue. Have your concerns documented. The company has a responsibility to protect employees and to create a harassment free environment. It is so important to make sure you let them know what is happening, especially if you are considering litigation. Document, document, document!!!!

[likethecats]

Thank You for your comment. I must give you a little more information for the reasoning behind the comment that I wrote.