What an idiot! If someone doesn't want to be monogamous, then that's one thing, but to say that it's completely "unnatural" is another. I'm sorry that you can't keep your dick in your pants and you're a man whore, but don't be shoving your mumbo jumbo crap to the rest of us that are actually in love, and are completely happy with our partners, and what we're getting from them. Gah! What a fucktard!
Some people CAN be effortlessly monogamous. I think instead of bashing monogamy, the spectrum of possible levels of monogamy and non-monogamy should be acknowledged.
I thought Big Think was about science and how to make society better how to make losers feel better about failures.
This talk is like, well, if you drink, drink more, it is OK, and it is unnatural to be not drunk.
If there wasn't murders from jealousy, if there weren't visceral reactions against this, like mine, if there was no hurt when people cheat on each other than that would have been proof monogamy wasn't natural.
This is really stupid on many fronts: 60 years ago was not when people decided to become monogamous. Are you saying that the world is younger than the fabled 6000 years old? If you want to take examples from the nature, there are other animals that are monogamous. While at it, why not choose to run society based on the idea of "the survival of the fittest"?
This is just an excuse for losers to motivate their failures. Monogamy might not be for everyone, but that doesn't mean is not natural.
In my opinion the spiritual bond is the most important thing in a relationship. When two souls truly connect with love, passion, acceptance, honesty and respect the body does the same. Sex becomes a dream, trust and purity follow. When a person is truthful and loving he doesn’t want to cheat. People can be selfish, insecure and abusive to their emotional and physical life. Be honest with your partner – talk about your sexual desires and fantasies, we are only human it’s normal! Fight for love.
Monogamy works, it's just some men are pigs. I have a friend who's been sort of dating this girl but he still sleeps around with other chicks. He WANTS to be with his "girlfriend" but still fucks other chicks. She does the same to him. They are constantly fighting because of this too. ISU tenure both just whores. I've been dating my gf for almost 2 years and have never cheated on her, nor any girl previous to her.
Lol who let the ape out of his cage! No sir! The happiest couples that I have had the pleasure to meet are the ones that are monogamous. The thing is the more sexual partners you've had the less of a spiritual connection you get. When you start fucking at 16 years you have deprived yourself of the spiritual connection two people can have. Now after you've had lets say 3 partners your brain changes (chemically) and can never feel as connected as two people who lost their virginity to eachother.
I can tell you as a gay man, I have finally come to accept that no man (gay or straight) is truly monogamous. They may do their best to convince you they are, but monogamy for men doesn't exist. I, too, think it's time for people to be completely honest about this subject.
In a way, we -as humans- can neither uphold the ideals of monogamy nor the ideals of polyamory (non-possession). I guess you have to choose the ideal to which you aspire and within which you are most capable of achieving honesty and balance.
Are not the instincts of polyamory (and/or the instincts of sexuality) like the instincts of jealousy? If we can be expected to control the actions of our (hypothetical) jealous nature, can we not also control our romantic and sexual behaviors? We may feel polyamorous desire, just as we may feel jealousy. Say we adopt a polyamorous lifestyle but end up consumed by jealousy and unhappiness. Say we adopt a monogamous lifestyle but end up consumed by desire and unhappiness. What gives?
Question for Dan Savage: Do you think this applies to women and lesbians, as well? I would love a video response from a Big Thinking lesbian on the subject. Maybe I will make one, if I can decide what I think (and I'm afraid I cannot decide).
dude has a point. i'm currently in a healthy, loving monogamous relationship, and neither of us has stopped being attracted to other people. we've chosen not to bang others, but from experience, i can say that the threat, and possibly even the act, of sexual pursuits w/ others wouldn't break us. i think that it's ridiculous to assume that your love is stronger than eons of biological processes. it's foolish to deny yourself happiness because nature took it's course once or twice? i think so
We live in a culture that can not pay attention for longer than 2 minutes, this affects how we view the world. Personally I've been in both open and closed relationships.My experience tells me that there is a big difference between the 2. I have NEVER seen magic like the kind of magic that fills 2 people who ARE committed to each other. Open relationships are not so magical, they are more like a business deal, and I find they LACK magic. You speak as if you know everything, but you don't.
Our culture will find itself oblivious to things that have true meaning as it evolves, we become more and more lost each day and it seriously shows. My attitude is this, if you can not commit to me I'm not interested because if just a fuck bud is what I'm looking for then I don't need love now do I? You can live loveless and in some kind of business deal based on love, but it will never help you to evolve. Only true commitment and real focus can bring you that power. The rest is just a sex.
And as a gay man let me just say that I am saddened by gay culture, because it bares no love, just selfishness and ego trips. When I first came out a friend said I would find the best gay people OUTSIDE of the gay scene, and boy was he right! Shallow relationships produce shallow people.
For some, monogamy doesn't work. But then they should be honest about it to their partner(s) from the beginning. There are people who think monogamy works and there are couples where it actually works out. It's all about honesty, not so much about whether monogamy or polygamy should work for everybody - because in terms of relationships, we all have different urges and needs.
lol yeah fuck promiscuity. if you get in a relationship and you are a whore/manwhore then get the fuck out or at least give the god damn descency to leave the person before you go have sex with someone. NOBODY likes to be cheated on. and thats a fact. you know what goes hand in hand with this sick guy's idea? why dont we all become sterile? we might as well since a family doesnt mean shit anymore
personally, when im in a relationship with a girl and she really does mean something to me, shes all i really want. its just weird with other people, and i get that way when im single too sometimes. excuse my 'inhumanity'
monogamy is not 'ridiculous', maybe it is to this man. All i have to say is that if my future husband cannot commit to a monogamous relationship with me, i'd rather be single for the rest of my life. why does life need to be about pursuing your own selfish urges above all else? It doesn't.
@rasberries88 not that I agree with what he's saying, but aren't you just doing exactly what he said? selfishly excluding any further scenarios because of your insecurity?
@rasberries88 You are straw manning him to a degree here. He didn't say that monogamy itself is ridiculous, but that our expectations associated with it are. He is saying that we all have sexual desires, and being in a relationship doesn't turn that desire for others off. The point, I believe, is that one can be committed to another without suppressing their own thoughts for others, which is very straining. The expectation that it's all or nothing, like with most topics, is ridiculous.
@rasberries88 That's a highly unrealistic and unfair approach to a relationship. Relationships based on the concept of ownership, and sustained by emotional blackmail, cannot work.
Im not unnatural and neather is your way of thinking all depends on the person and what they want how they evolved and how they want to live nothing bad about eather way of liveing but trying to get me to fuck someone else would be shit I would never want to I have my mate and am happy with just them you can fuck who you want just who you are so how about we just accept that humans are different and that we all have different things going on in our heads.
Im natural monogamist just who I am I never needed religion or anything to tell me I just want one mate just who I am doesent mean it's unnatural just how my brain works his works abit different so what all depends on what a human wants.
This is tough to do. I understand what he is saying at its fullest, but damn out of the many things society condition us to do, monogamy is the one i cant shake off. Maybe in the future hopefully.
you should desperately fuck the shit outta me I have never met a man who actually agrees with this .... ah gawd I am turned on just by your lack of retarded ignorance
I don't buy the argument against monogamy based on our evolutionary wiring. We are evolutionarily wired to consume as many calories as we possibly can, but that does not mean that it's healthy to do so. No one thinks that maintaining a proper diet with an absurd abundance of food surrounding us is effortless. I don't think anyone thinks that being faithful in a monogamous relationship is or should be effortless, and I hope that no one would give up just because we evolved to do otherwise.
@dinoflatulate dont waste your breath on such flatulence. Your logic is riff with fallacy, If you want to compare food and relationships in the context of our evolutionary disposition than one is no more guilty of glutenous satiation in either case Which is the point you seem to be missing, This would not in itself be a reason to dismiss monogamy, but instead serves as a necessary correction in your ill-equipped perception of righteousness, inwhich why shouldn't it be effortless
@RzaChess Hey - sorry for the snarky reply about glutton v. gluten. I actually don't understand your argument and hope you'll give it another go. I agree with Savage that monogamy will always be difficult, but I don't think that the difficulty of being monogamous is a reason to redefine it. I think we can move past our evolutionary wiring as we have in many other ways.
I would say it all really boils down to being a person who stands by his words. If you freely make an oath to do something, you stand by it. It is okay by me if you do not want to make that commitment (I myself never have) but if you do make the oath, then you should stand by it. I agree that it is not natural for people to expect to go through life and only be sexually attracted to one other person. I therefore would never bind myself to such a commitment.
And this dude's an entertainer. So be entertained, and buy into his marketing scheme...just don't expect it go very far believing what he says (it's not very illuminating). Fuck the homophobes here, but monogamy isn't a bad idea (for everyone) despite what the junk pop evo psych du jour states--and any entertainer who uses it as a marketing tool to expand his consumer base--in an attempt to explain cultural trends. This is self-serving opinion masquerading as science.
Hostility is a sign of insecurity. I can with certainty conclude that you are insecure, and are not deserving of a substantive response! This is a youtube comment box after all, and anyone who calls someone "Worthles junk" in a comment box really needs to get laid. Good day.
This shit is true, I've even heard it from older people. Very few men stay faithful, and not too long ago marriages were arranged in some form or shape by the families. The marriage that exists today in western society had never existed before. The reasons divorce is so high is because of the way that marriage has been shape-shifted into what we have today, which wasn't supposed to work that way, it's the historical truth, you can't deny it.
You know what's ridiculous? People saying that certain relationship arrangements are ridiculous. With few exceptions, that's ridiculous. Monogamy may not be "natural," but I see no compelling evidence that it's not--bunch of junk science. And even if it weren't, who cares? Many standards aren't "natural," but they should be encouraged. Not eating meat isn't natural, but it should be encouraged. Eliminating war and strife aren't natural, necessarily, but they should be encouraged.
@Khuno2 "Not eating meat isn't natural, but it should be encouraged." according to a suburban kids from 1st world countries who are totally detached from the realities of the world?Yeah you can encourage eliminating war all you want, but it's not going to change the fact that we like to kill each other, just as much as the fact that we want to 'fuck the shit out of other people' even in a monogamous relationship. Plus marriage wasn't supposed to work the way we make it work nowadays.
So what you're saying is that it's impossible to change humanity's potential instincts for war, tribalism, destruction and violence, so we should embrace them and encourage them? It might very well be impossible for humans to defeat their instincts, and if so, very, very likely that that will be humanity's epitaph. I don't think it's impossible to repurpose destructive instincts for positive outcome. Difficult, but necessary.
Wow, I thought there'd be a lot more comments supporting him, based on the number of likes. I personally believe monogamy is bullshit, at best it's unnatural, unnecessary and boring. At worst it's unhealthy and damaging to people's relationships when coupled with jealousy.
@Gebenki I love Dan and I was all with him in the beginning of the video, but to say that being monogamous is like being sober? That's implying that being open or polyamorous is a disease that you need to recover from. I say have some safe, clean fun once in a while, if you forget your learned sense of jealousy, it'll make you appreciate your spouse or partner all the more.
@Gebenki You responded to yourself, that's pathetic in and of itself. This video spits logical fallacies, historical imprecisions, and unthoughtful whim. "I say have some safe, clean fun once in a while, if you forget your learned sense of jealousy," ·| False dichotomy, you can't separate fun from the unavoidable biological reproduction necessity unless you are willing to cope with the backlashes. Jealousy is not learned, it is a primal neuro-chemical response for family protection.
I cant believe that he would find it ok, if his boyfriend would fuck other people. Sure, everyone can makes a mistake and if you love someone, you should be able to forgive.
So Dan Savage wants to back to the time when men had concubines and whores.... and when the women, if they tried to branch out and sleep around, were usually cast aside as worthless whores and looked upon with revulsion.
What about children, Dan? I know gay men don't have to worry about it, but for the rest of us, it can happen..even with birth control. Ever think of that as a real reason why these "rules" are in place?
Ironically put on by "Big Think" and has zero real information. He thought really hard about it, but sadly forgot to include FACTS and statistics to support any of his claims. I wish I could take back hearing the portion of the video I could stand to listen to...
Relationships have 3 good and natural tendencies. Some call them the 3 flames of love. First is friendship, the foundation of any bond. Second is the erotic. A relationship will not last without regular, satisfying sex. Third is commitment. There is a proper desire to commit oneself to a lover. That exclusivity creates levels of intimacy that deepen the other areas. There are always trials in all 3 over the life of a relationship. but it is impractical to eliminate any 1 in a healthy marriage.
Monogamy is something we like to impose on our partner, but we're not so keen to be monogmous. Then when we discover that our partner is getting it on with someone else, we suddenly seem to change our tune and we want a monamous relationship. Savage is also wrong in that monogamy has existed since Mesopotamia. The reasoning behind it was for property inheritance. Only children born inside the marriage could inherit property.
@Jessdefax "but we're not so keen to be monogamous." ·|Generalizing pisses me off. Just because you and your tribe of sexual maniacs think beeing monogamous is a burden, doesn't mean it factually applies to the WHOLE FCKING HUMAN RACE!
Monogamy is the basic facet of relationships - you are pairing yourself with the one person that fulfills you more than any other in this world (without discussing the slim chance of you finding TWO soul mates, let alone one). It is an ideological concept born from the natural tendency of humans, as high-functioning creatures of consciousness, to embrace a romantic, abstract, and spiritual context by which to define themselves. Animals are driven by instincts - their monogamy or polygamy (cont.)
@cursedlemon is a matter of impulse, and is entirely separated from the way that humans build relationships. In the animal world, you find examples of both, and either can be a product of evolutionary psychology; proliferating your genes as much as possible versus mating for life and ensuring the safety of the few offspring that you do produce.
@cursedlemon This is not to say that humans are not also governed by evolutionary psychology, for we absolutely are, and far more than we care to admit (you like those wide hips, gentlemen? She can have LOTS of kids). But on the subject of alternative partnerships (homosexuality, polygamy, whatever-the-hell), we remove the "purpose" from relationships - to create offspring - and are left to deal with the issues of security, companionship, and love as it is found outside psychology.
except for this generation...sex with multiple dirty people spread STDs. now we have condoms and showers. so maybe we can go back to our primitive ways, and pick the flees of every monkey we see. lets evolve not turn back into animals.
He's got a point but it's more complicated that "humans aren't monogamous". Some people want somebody different every week, other people would prefer the same person every week.
According to Dan Savage, jealousy is just one of those things that we are socially conditioned into believing. In actuality, jealousy is a biological. Say what you will about marriage but monogamy isn't a mere social convention: it's a biological impulse that varies in intensity from person to person like eye colour or sexual orientation.
What needs to happen is what always has needed to happen. Couples need to talk with each other and set their own rules for what is acceptable.
While I agree with him that we should not feel threatened or feel like we dont love our partner just because we are attracted to others, I dont believe that means that cheating on your partner should just be considered not a big deal. Instead, what needs to be worked on is communication and understanding between the partners so that if variety or needs are not being met then that can be addressed. I am not only talking about sexual needs either, but any need.
I feel the same as you. Yes many people in a monogomous relationship may want to have sex with other people. But cheating only a few times on your spouse of many years isn't necessarily good.
A couple trusts each other. And a common trust in most monogomous relationships is that the other wont cheat. The breaking of the trust it what really hurts people, and thus I think cheating should not be brushed off as no big deal as it is at the end of this video.
He clearly has not done his historical research, monogomy was not something invented 60 years ago, its been a feature of a fairly large proportion of societies for thousands of years.
@xStealthClown I never said people have not had sex with prostitutes, I said it has always been part of most societies for thousands of years. Its like saying, well people murder each other still so does that mean murder is legal and accepted.
Also, as to your question, 60 years ago it would have been frowned upon for a married man to use a prostitute in the western world for certain and I would not use the word "normal".
@Sharpy111 But what he is saying is that it's something made up by people even though it isn't natural. Also, I think you have a little too much faith in men's monogamy. Even if a thing is frowned upon it doesn't mean people does it less. A good example would be cannabis.
@xStealthClown I don't think I have too much faith in men's monogamy, I do not have faith in that mans historical research that is all. I think he has an agenda and has made sweeping historical comments which are unfounded.
Also remember that in a lot of cultures it is not just "frowned upon" but also illegal, of course I am not saying it didn't happen, I am just saying he was inaccurate and that when you said it was "normal" that was not true either.
@Sharpy111 You clearly didn't listen to what he said. Before 60 years ago there was a lot of cheating and it was acceptable (or somewhat ignored). Now cheating constitutes as a deal breaker opposed to a hiccup in the relationship (marriage).
@Sharpy111 Ok, you do realize you are now going to be called out and asked for your resources supporting your rebuttal, or your claim is just as bullshit as his.
@Sharpy111 totally. this dude is spreading misinformation, alot of "bigthink" videos do that, they allow morons on it so its hard to find the intelligent speakers
@Sharpy111 Yeah he seems to think because kings and emperors had concubines and whores that it was common for the regular population. People that are, or think they are, above the law or morals will do what they want, whether it was JFK or Tiger Woods, regardless of the societal norms (both after that 60 year threshold). Most people do not fall in that position. Most people don't now, or never did, have the power or influence to do that.
@Sharpy111 Only as religious doctrine, young religious doctrine, was monogamy SUPPOSED to be the accepted pratice. Try expanding the source(s) of your research. The evidence shows quite the opposite of what you claim by a noticable amount. I hate to presume but your statement sounds more religious than scientific or historical. I apologize if that is not true but his claim of extramarital sex being common is historically accurate. Is one way more effective is the true question.
@Pineappletaco Truth is, a God-hater knows what's objectively good for mankind collectively, he knows whats right, he knows what's moral, he knows just by natural cause-effect reasoning what to do & what not to do. But an atheist also believes that SELF is all that really matters. So he'll watch the whole world burn as long as he's personally satisfied. That's a truth we all know.
@Sharpy111 Thank you for being too dumb to even listen to what the hell he was saying before commenting. You and the 19 people who upvoted you are idiots.
@Sharpy111 YES. YES... (which is what's wrong with marriage, it being an archaic institution)... but what Dan is saying is that men were not expected to SEXUALLY commit. It wasn't surprising for men to have sex with other women.
Monogamy is not a default position, yet socially it is presented as such. There is too much emphasis on monogamy being the pure and noble way to go. Sleeping with different sexual partners does not make you a bad person. The harm comes from the deception. It just happens to be that, like most behaviours which are socially prohibited, people end up doing in a secretive manner to avoid the judgment of society. Like sexuality people shouldn't expect people to be by default one way or the other.
Dan, you are an idiot. Just because something isn't "effortless" does NOT mean it's "ridiculous". Desiring to have sex with other people, and actually giving in to that are 2 different things. Most worthwhile things aren't effortless- having to work at something makes it that much more special. I have been in a committed, monogamous relationship for over 20 years, and for you to say something like this is spitting on us. And by the way, YOU ARE NOT AN EXPERT.
Marriage has become meaningless because of all the lies people tell to get what they want. Shallow and pathetic, they divorce in droves. If you're not ready to be monogamous don't sign papers saying that you are. Unless hypocrisy appeals to you. You want to "fuck the shit out of other people"? Fine, grow a spine, stay single, pay your own mortgage and make your own sandwiches. Oops -- is it harder to get laid when someone's not supporting your cowardly ass? This is why Dan has a career.
In reality, yes, when were married we all want to fuck the shit out of every attractive person that walks by. It's kind of weird though. I mean, I still do have this emotion that I can experience called "jealousy". It's a hypocritical emotion, but why do I feel "jealousy" if I still want to fuck the shit out of most girls I see. I feel like it my penis vs. my need for attention.
Like all things regarding love and sex (that aren't just the bare-bone facts), it's complicated. I know that even if I had a mutually agreed upon open relationship with somebody, and we both had other sexual partners, that I would still be jealous. Even if I was with a better looking person, and they were with some ape-faced loser, that I would still be jealous. I don't know if society hard-wired it into me, or if it's just competitive instinct, but I get jealous.
@IAmEnormous I would say instinct. Males of any species, humans included, are territorial. We "claim" our females and don't want any other males to mate with them (for pleasure or reproduction). Think of deer. The dominant male has an area of territory that he controls. All food and females in that area are his. If another male comes in that area, the dominant male will assert his claim and they will fight until one is proven the strongest and the other flees. We are the same, and thus jealousy.
Peronally i do believe that a faithful realationship between 2 people can exist without the need of going out of your way to satisfy a need. We are humans not animals, we have control over our actions much more than a wild animal. The reason monogamy is such a failure isn't due to the human incapability to refrain from sex with others, it's the temptation that comes with it. The majority of people in the western world wear clothes, have a sexual lifestyle, and attitudes towards sex compared to
This silly fag Savage is clearly worthy of death. He is the epitome of evil and ignorance. He has ingested too much sperm and his brain is fully rotted. No doubt his colon is a huge incubator for may deadly viruses & diseases. He should be straightway executed and dispatched to hell where his folly will be complete.
@ElCubanoConguero ...and you're going to heaven right? What is he saying that is wrong? Evidence clearly shows that people aren't built for monogamy.. it's not in out nature..
"fuck the shit outta other people?" who wants to fuck someone and have shit shooting out their ass? I'd prefer to fuck the life outta some guy, make him so exursted that he litterally faints.
If the spouse isn't putting out, but still loves you and wants you to be happy, that spouse should allow you to get 'serviced' safely. Always use protection during sex with someone else. Don't be too afraid if the sex is only oral (finger job or hand job). We are sexual creatures and we have a need to off from time to time by another person by either sex. Being social creatures and sexual creatures go hand and hand and that's how we are wired. Just be safe about it and you'll be fine.
If you call it cheating then it's a bad thing by nature. If you don't want to practice monogamy, don't get into a monogamous relationship. It's as simple as that.
I don't even know why people care so much about monogamy? Where does that attachment come from? Why can't you just simply have the person you love the most, live with them and have children with them, but also have sex with other people on the side? Just be careful is all.
The massive rise in divorce is not due to a newly discovered flaw in monogamy. I think Dan overlooks the nature of man and even moresoe the role that economic and technological progress has had in the increase in marriage in general.
@boomtastic67 actually, there's been some fascinating research on how the human species has, for 95% of its time on earth, not been monogamous by nature. check out the book Sex At Dawn. this is where savage draws some of his stuff too. psychology, anthropology, sociology, and evolutionary biology all point to this conclusion
@ThePatcam There's an odd sort of conservatism about this statement. You and Dan seem to be saying that because cavemen lived a certain way that this is how we should live now, and the nothing should ever change from the "natural" way of doing things. This is nonsensical. To point out how things were is no proof of how things ought to be.
@inflate98 i'm not saying we should immediately revert to polygamy. i'm just pointing out that the notion that monogamy is 'human nature' is not accurate, and that we should have a serious discussion about the flaws of monogamy and how we can fix them. its not nonsensical to suggest modern day conceptions of life may be wrong on some level. slavery, racism, and sexism used to all be commonly accepted as 'natural progress' until they were challenged
@ThePatcam And 95% of that time, they were living in caves and dying at age 20.
The other 5% of then time, they were building civilizations and advancing as human beings, all thanks to the terrifying "regressive horror" of monogamy, as it enabled healthy breeding practices and social order.
this is bullshit => everybody is diffirent some are monogamus and some are not :-) to complicated to explain it in 500 caracters :-) people need to be honnest of what they want in life and than act up on it :-)
Most people in our society who are adults are serial monogamists, whether single or soon to be. People pretend they don't have sexual thoughts of others while in their relationships to keep an air of appearance. At the outset of a relationship ideal love is proudly proclaimed. If a person "cheats" then the so called innocent partner uses this infidelity as a reason to leave the relationship only to eventually meet another partner and start the whole process all over again.
What an idiot! If someone doesn't want to be monogamous, then that's one thing, but to say that it's completely "unnatural" is another. I'm sorry that you can't keep your dick in your pants and you're a man whore, but don't be shoving your mumbo jumbo crap to the rest of us that are actually in love, and are completely happy with our partners, and what we're getting from them. Gah! What a fucktard!
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owlcu 1 day ago
Some people CAN be effortlessly monogamous. I think instead of bashing monogamy, the spectrum of possible levels of monogamy and non-monogamy should be acknowledged.
ElGringoCastellano 2 days ago
I thought Big Think was about science and how to make society better how to make losers feel better about failures.
This talk is like, well, if you drink, drink more, it is OK, and it is unnatural to be not drunk.
If there wasn't murders from jealousy, if there weren't visceral reactions against this, like mine, if there was no hurt when people cheat on each other than that would have been proof monogamy wasn't natural.
Adaerus 3 days ago
This is really stupid on many fronts: 60 years ago was not when people decided to become monogamous. Are you saying that the world is younger than the fabled 6000 years old? If you want to take examples from the nature, there are other animals that are monogamous. While at it, why not choose to run society based on the idea of "the survival of the fittest"?
This is just an excuse for losers to motivate their failures. Monogamy might not be for everyone, but that doesn't mean is not natural.
Adaerus 3 days ago
This guy talks such shit
LanceMurtagh 5 days ago
And what qualifies this cunt as some sort of "expert." This dumbass is a kook.
Shonenut213 5 days ago
Right on.
lovesickhorror 6 days ago
Monogamy hymen is the best phrase I've heard today.
HerrCron 1 week ago
In my opinion the spiritual bond is the most important thing in a relationship. When two souls truly connect with love, passion, acceptance, honesty and respect the body does the same. Sex becomes a dream, trust and purity follow. When a person is truthful and loving he doesn’t want to cheat. People can be selfish, insecure and abusive to their emotional and physical life. Be honest with your partner – talk about your sexual desires and fantasies, we are only human it’s normal! Fight for love.
puffjunkz 1 week ago in playlist Favorite videos
i think it would sound better coming from a woman
qazz11q 1 week ago
What qualifications does Dan Savage have to talk as some kind of expert?
dubtat 1 week ago
I think they're both***
Not ISU tenure, idk what that even is haha
cheaboy26 1 week ago
Monogamy works, it's just some men are pigs. I have a friend who's been sort of dating this girl but he still sleeps around with other chicks. He WANTS to be with his "girlfriend" but still fucks other chicks. She does the same to him. They are constantly fighting because of this too. ISU tenure both just whores. I've been dating my gf for almost 2 years and have never cheated on her, nor any girl previous to her.
cheaboy26 1 week ago
Lol who let the ape out of his cage! No sir! The happiest couples that I have had the pleasure to meet are the ones that are monogamous. The thing is the more sexual partners you've had the less of a spiritual connection you get. When you start fucking at 16 years you have deprived yourself of the spiritual connection two people can have. Now after you've had lets say 3 partners your brain changes (chemically) and can never feel as connected as two people who lost their virginity to eachother.
snapsnapdik 1 week ago
i love the sudden "Fuck the shit outta someone else"
mattythefatty3712 1 week ago
I can tell you as a gay man, I have finally come to accept that no man (gay or straight) is truly monogamous. They may do their best to convince you they are, but monogamy for men doesn't exist. I, too, think it's time for people to be completely honest about this subject.
LollyGaggin1106 1 week ago
In a way, we -as humans- can neither uphold the ideals of monogamy nor the ideals of polyamory (non-possession). I guess you have to choose the ideal to which you aspire and within which you are most capable of achieving honesty and balance.
masonmcfadden 1 week ago 9
@masonmcfadden Or you could get over yourself and do what we all know to be objectively good for mankind collectively.
blattt188 3 days ago
Are not the instincts of polyamory (and/or the instincts of sexuality) like the instincts of jealousy? If we can be expected to control the actions of our (hypothetical) jealous nature, can we not also control our romantic and sexual behaviors? We may feel polyamorous desire, just as we may feel jealousy. Say we adopt a polyamorous lifestyle but end up consumed by jealousy and unhappiness. Say we adopt a monogamous lifestyle but end up consumed by desire and unhappiness. What gives?
masonmcfadden 1 week ago
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Question for Dan Savage: Do you think this applies to women and lesbians, as well? I would love a video response from a Big Thinking lesbian on the subject. Maybe I will make one, if I can decide what I think (and I'm afraid I cannot decide).
masonmcfadden 1 week ago
dude has a point. i'm currently in a healthy, loving monogamous relationship, and neither of us has stopped being attracted to other people. we've chosen not to bang others, but from experience, i can say that the threat, and possibly even the act, of sexual pursuits w/ others wouldn't break us. i think that it's ridiculous to assume that your love is stronger than eons of biological processes. it's foolish to deny yourself happiness because nature took it's course once or twice? i think so
deveryday1 1 week ago
Sex isn't that good though, coffee and music is better I think.
12Ominous 1 week ago
We live in a culture that can not pay attention for longer than 2 minutes, this affects how we view the world. Personally I've been in both open and closed relationships.My experience tells me that there is a big difference between the 2. I have NEVER seen magic like the kind of magic that fills 2 people who ARE committed to each other. Open relationships are not so magical, they are more like a business deal, and I find they LACK magic. You speak as if you know everything, but you don't.
fireyoursounds 1 week ago
Our culture will find itself oblivious to things that have true meaning as it evolves, we become more and more lost each day and it seriously shows. My attitude is this, if you can not commit to me I'm not interested because if just a fuck bud is what I'm looking for then I don't need love now do I? You can live loveless and in some kind of business deal based on love, but it will never help you to evolve. Only true commitment and real focus can bring you that power. The rest is just a sex.
fireyoursounds 1 week ago
And as a gay man let me just say that I am saddened by gay culture, because it bares no love, just selfishness and ego trips. When I first came out a friend said I would find the best gay people OUTSIDE of the gay scene, and boy was he right! Shallow relationships produce shallow people.
fireyoursounds 1 week ago
How about "The Expectation and Enforcement of Monogamy is Ridiculous." ?
BringYerOwnBomb 2 weeks ago 4
For some, monogamy doesn't work. But then they should be honest about it to their partner(s) from the beginning. There are people who think monogamy works and there are couples where it actually works out. It's all about honesty, not so much about whether monogamy or polygamy should work for everybody - because in terms of relationships, we all have different urges and needs.
SozialeRevolution 2 weeks ago 2
lol yeah fuck promiscuity. if you get in a relationship and you are a whore/manwhore then get the fuck out or at least give the god damn descency to leave the person before you go have sex with someone. NOBODY likes to be cheated on. and thats a fact. you know what goes hand in hand with this sick guy's idea? why dont we all become sterile? we might as well since a family doesnt mean shit anymore
BlackRedconversion 2 weeks ago
personally, when im in a relationship with a girl and she really does mean something to me, shes all i really want. its just weird with other people, and i get that way when im single too sometimes. excuse my 'inhumanity'
synysterdillon 3 weeks ago 2
monogamy is not 'ridiculous', maybe it is to this man. All i have to say is that if my future husband cannot commit to a monogamous relationship with me, i'd rather be single for the rest of my life. why does life need to be about pursuing your own selfish urges above all else? It doesn't.
rasberries88 3 weeks ago 2
@rasberries88 not that I agree with what he's saying, but aren't you just doing exactly what he said? selfishly excluding any further scenarios because of your insecurity?
ThePictoucounty 3 weeks ago
@rasberries88 You are straw manning him to a degree here. He didn't say that monogamy itself is ridiculous, but that our expectations associated with it are. He is saying that we all have sexual desires, and being in a relationship doesn't turn that desire for others off. The point, I believe, is that one can be committed to another without suppressing their own thoughts for others, which is very straining. The expectation that it's all or nothing, like with most topics, is ridiculous.
GuitarNoob101 2 weeks ago
@rasberries88 That's a highly unrealistic and unfair approach to a relationship. Relationships based on the concept of ownership, and sustained by emotional blackmail, cannot work.
gamegloss 1 week ago
I was under the impression that having sex with someone makes you feel some attachment to them
DGice2 4 weeks ago
Im not unnatural and neather is your way of thinking all depends on the person and what they want how they evolved and how they want to live nothing bad about eather way of liveing but trying to get me to fuck someone else would be shit I would never want to I have my mate and am happy with just them you can fuck who you want just who you are so how about we just accept that humans are different and that we all have different things going on in our heads.
GUNS4MIKE1234 1 month ago
Im natural monogamist just who I am I never needed religion or anything to tell me I just want one mate just who I am doesent mean it's unnatural just how my brain works his works abit different so what all depends on what a human wants.
GUNS4MIKE1234 1 month ago
This is tough to do. I understand what he is saying at its fullest, but damn out of the many things society condition us to do, monogamy is the one i cant shake off. Maybe in the future hopefully.
ItsMrQ 1 month ago
you should desperately fuck the shit outta me I have never met a man who actually agrees with this .... ah gawd I am turned on just by your lack of retarded ignorance
quiznosexactoknife 1 month ago
I don't buy the argument against monogamy based on our evolutionary wiring. We are evolutionarily wired to consume as many calories as we possibly can, but that does not mean that it's healthy to do so. No one thinks that maintaining a proper diet with an absurd abundance of food surrounding us is effortless. I don't think anyone thinks that being faithful in a monogamous relationship is or should be effortless, and I hope that no one would give up just because we evolved to do otherwise.
dinoflatulate 1 month ago
@dinoflatulate dont waste your breath on such flatulence. Your logic is riff with fallacy, If you want to compare food and relationships in the context of our evolutionary disposition than one is no more guilty of glutenous satiation in either case Which is the point you seem to be missing, This would not in itself be a reason to dismiss monogamy, but instead serves as a necessary correction in your ill-equipped perception of righteousness, inwhich why shouldn't it be effortless
RzaChess 4 weeks ago
@RzaChess I never even mentioned gluten...
dinoflatulate 4 weeks ago
@dinoflatulate nor do i you silly simpleton
RzaChess 3 weeks ago
@RzaChess Hey - sorry for the snarky reply about glutton v. gluten. I actually don't understand your argument and hope you'll give it another go. I agree with Savage that monogamy will always be difficult, but I don't think that the difficulty of being monogamous is a reason to redefine it. I think we can move past our evolutionary wiring as we have in many other ways.
dinoflatulate 3 weeks ago
this guy must be a swinger
RzaChess 1 month ago
@RzaChess He is watch him on the colbert report July 12th 2011
GUNS4MIKE1234 1 month ago
I guess I just disagree. I believe once you make that commitment you need to stick with the baggage or get the hell out.
But you are entitled to your opinion and to live as you choose. Best of luck to you.
iconindy 1 month ago
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I would say it all really boils down to being a person who stands by his words. If you freely make an oath to do something, you stand by it. It is okay by me if you do not want to make that commitment (I myself never have) but if you do make the oath, then you should stand by it. I agree that it is not natural for people to expect to go through life and only be sexually attracted to one other person. I therefore would never bind myself to such a commitment.
Slik00Silk 1 month ago
Yeah, I'm not sure if lowering the standards of faithfulness is the answer.
benaiah93 1 month ago
And this dude's an entertainer. So be entertained, and buy into his marketing scheme...just don't expect it go very far believing what he says (it's not very illuminating). Fuck the homophobes here, but monogamy isn't a bad idea (for everyone) despite what the junk pop evo psych du jour states--and any entertainer who uses it as a marketing tool to expand his consumer base--in an attempt to explain cultural trends. This is self-serving opinion masquerading as science.
Khuno2 1 month ago
This is simply an awful, awful... channel. Please, no one treat this as if this thinking is big, as the channel says.
v01741r31 1 month ago
@v01741r31 Most of it is, this one, again, I think is being realistic. Too real for people to like it.
iliveon 1 month ago
@v01741r31 I agree with iliveon.You can't even comprehend wath most of the people on this channel are talking about.
People like you try to hide from reality.Worthles junk.
TheBlackIdentety 1 month ago
@TheBlackIdentety
Hostility is a sign of insecurity. I can with certainty conclude that you are insecure, and are not deserving of a substantive response! This is a youtube comment box after all, and anyone who calls someone "Worthles junk" in a comment box really needs to get laid. Good day.
v01741r31 1 month ago
@v01741r31 Why would I be insecure? Stating the reality that you hide from reality is offensive to you? Probably yes but it doesn't make it less real.
You're still worthless junk like so many others on this planet.
Stating the truth hurts but that doesn't make it hostil behaviour.
TheBlackIdentety 1 month ago
OBVIOUS MORMON IS OBVIOUS.
Shonenut213 1 month ago
This shit is true, I've even heard it from older people. Very few men stay faithful, and not too long ago marriages were arranged in some form or shape by the families. The marriage that exists today in western society had never existed before. The reasons divorce is so high is because of the way that marriage has been shape-shifted into what we have today, which wasn't supposed to work that way, it's the historical truth, you can't deny it.
luciferiexcelsil 1 month ago
When you start to think like him you know end is near.
codeblood2000 1 month ago
@codeblood2000 The end of ignorance.
Pilaf1984 1 month ago
@codeblood2000 lol
iliveon 1 month ago
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segmentationfault 1 month ago
FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF OTHER PEOPLE
infintiyward 1 month ago
You know what's ridiculous? People saying that certain relationship arrangements are ridiculous. With few exceptions, that's ridiculous. Monogamy may not be "natural," but I see no compelling evidence that it's not--bunch of junk science. And even if it weren't, who cares? Many standards aren't "natural," but they should be encouraged. Not eating meat isn't natural, but it should be encouraged. Eliminating war and strife aren't natural, necessarily, but they should be encouraged.
Khuno2 1 month ago
@Khuno2 "Not eating meat isn't natural, but it should be encouraged." according to a suburban kids from 1st world countries who are totally detached from the realities of the world?Yeah you can encourage eliminating war all you want, but it's not going to change the fact that we like to kill each other, just as much as the fact that we want to 'fuck the shit out of other people' even in a monogamous relationship. Plus marriage wasn't supposed to work the way we make it work nowadays.
luciferiexcelsil 1 month ago
@luciferiexcelsil
So what you're saying is that it's impossible to change humanity's potential instincts for war, tribalism, destruction and violence, so we should embrace them and encourage them? It might very well be impossible for humans to defeat their instincts, and if so, very, very likely that that will be humanity's epitaph. I don't think it's impossible to repurpose destructive instincts for positive outcome. Difficult, but necessary.
Khuno2 1 month ago
I respect your opinion, but no.
ugoindown44 1 month ago
I like the part when he says he's conservative. lol
Aassymcass 1 month ago
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owlcu 1 month ago
Wow, I thought there'd be a lot more comments supporting him, based on the number of likes. I personally believe monogamy is bullshit, at best it's unnatural, unnecessary and boring. At worst it's unhealthy and damaging to people's relationships when coupled with jealousy.
Gebenki 1 month ago
@Gebenki I love Dan and I was all with him in the beginning of the video, but to say that being monogamous is like being sober? That's implying that being open or polyamorous is a disease that you need to recover from. I say have some safe, clean fun once in a while, if you forget your learned sense of jealousy, it'll make you appreciate your spouse or partner all the more.
Gebenki 1 month ago
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@Gebenki You responded to yourself, that's pathetic in and of itself. This video spits logical fallacies, historical imprecisions, and unthoughtful whim. "I say have some safe, clean fun once in a while, if you forget your learned sense of jealousy," ·| False dichotomy, you can't separate fun from the unavoidable biological reproduction necessity unless you are willing to cope with the backlashes. Jealousy is not learned, it is a primal neuro-chemical response for family protection.
gasto5 1 month ago
@Gebenki Based on... ? exactly, stiff libertarian mindset.
gasto5 1 month ago
I cant believe that he would find it ok, if his boyfriend would fuck other people. Sure, everyone can makes a mistake and if you love someone, you should be able to forgive.
But to encourage people for polygamy is bovine.
MarkusHomer 1 month ago
Solution. Threesomes.
KyleGCorcoran 1 month ago
@KyleGCorcoran Love it. Great thinking bro
LeVonDanE 1 month ago
So Dan Savage wants to back to the time when men had concubines and whores.... and when the women, if they tried to branch out and sleep around, were usually cast aside as worthless whores and looked upon with revulsion.
HillsideKlepht 1 month ago
@HillsideKlepht Didn't you hear him at 0:26? He definitely would prefer that women also have concubines and male whores.
Gebenki 1 month ago
What about children, Dan? I know gay men don't have to worry about it, but for the rest of us, it can happen..even with birth control. Ever think of that as a real reason why these "rules" are in place?
robbiedigital79 1 month ago
Yes, a green light to fuck around. Score!
research1982 1 month ago
Ironically put on by "Big Think" and has zero real information. He thought really hard about it, but sadly forgot to include FACTS and statistics to support any of his claims. I wish I could take back hearing the portion of the video I could stand to listen to...
jdogg7720001 1 month ago
every single study done on who has the best sex, reveals that long term monogamous married couples win every time.
sarahbethmendenhall 1 month ago
Relationships have 3 good and natural tendencies. Some call them the 3 flames of love. First is friendship, the foundation of any bond. Second is the erotic. A relationship will not last without regular, satisfying sex. Third is commitment. There is a proper desire to commit oneself to a lover. That exclusivity creates levels of intimacy that deepen the other areas. There are always trials in all 3 over the life of a relationship. but it is impractical to eliminate any 1 in a healthy marriage.
lucduchien 1 month ago
Monogamy is something we like to impose on our partner, but we're not so keen to be monogmous. Then when we discover that our partner is getting it on with someone else, we suddenly seem to change our tune and we want a monamous relationship. Savage is also wrong in that monogamy has existed since Mesopotamia. The reasoning behind it was for property inheritance. Only children born inside the marriage could inherit property.
Jessdefax 1 month ago
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gasto5 1 month ago
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@Jessdefax "but we're not so keen to be monogamous." ·|Generalizing pisses me off. Just because you and your tribe of sexual maniacs think beeing monogamous is a burden, doesn't mean it factually applies to the WHOLE FCKING HUMAN RACE!
gasto5 1 month ago
Monogamy is the basic facet of relationships - you are pairing yourself with the one person that fulfills you more than any other in this world (without discussing the slim chance of you finding TWO soul mates, let alone one). It is an ideological concept born from the natural tendency of humans, as high-functioning creatures of consciousness, to embrace a romantic, abstract, and spiritual context by which to define themselves. Animals are driven by instincts - their monogamy or polygamy (cont.)
cursedlemon 1 month ago
@cursedlemon is a matter of impulse, and is entirely separated from the way that humans build relationships. In the animal world, you find examples of both, and either can be a product of evolutionary psychology; proliferating your genes as much as possible versus mating for life and ensuring the safety of the few offspring that you do produce.
cursedlemon 1 month ago
@cursedlemon This is not to say that humans are not also governed by evolutionary psychology, for we absolutely are, and far more than we care to admit (you like those wide hips, gentlemen? She can have LOTS of kids). But on the subject of alternative partnerships (homosexuality, polygamy, whatever-the-hell), we remove the "purpose" from relationships - to create offspring - and are left to deal with the issues of security, companionship, and love as it is found outside psychology.
cursedlemon 1 month ago
What about being naturally wired for jealousy.
5ringswarrior 1 month ago
@5ringswarrior You hit the target. Just like the baby instinctually sucks the mother's breast.
gasto5 1 month ago
except for this generation...sex with multiple dirty people spread STDs. now we have condoms and showers. so maybe we can go back to our primitive ways, and pick the flees of every monkey we see. lets evolve not turn back into animals.
appleseedsforweed 1 month ago
He's got a point but it's more complicated that "humans aren't monogamous". Some people want somebody different every week, other people would prefer the same person every week.
DeoMachina 1 month ago
not true idiot. women in the medieval times were expected to find romantic interests outside of their marriage.
bonebrew22 1 month ago
What an idiot.
MyPinkElephants 1 month ago
According to Dan Savage, jealousy is just one of those things that we are socially conditioned into believing. In actuality, jealousy is a biological. Say what you will about marriage but monogamy isn't a mere social convention: it's a biological impulse that varies in intensity from person to person like eye colour or sexual orientation.
What needs to happen is what always has needed to happen. Couples need to talk with each other and set their own rules for what is acceptable.
incognito84 1 month ago
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claulong89 1 month ago
While I agree with him that we should not feel threatened or feel like we dont love our partner just because we are attracted to others, I dont believe that means that cheating on your partner should just be considered not a big deal. Instead, what needs to be worked on is communication and understanding between the partners so that if variety or needs are not being met then that can be addressed. I am not only talking about sexual needs either, but any need.
tkdyo 1 month ago
@tkdyo
I feel the same as you. Yes many people in a monogomous relationship may want to have sex with other people. But cheating only a few times on your spouse of many years isn't necessarily good.
A couple trusts each other. And a common trust in most monogomous relationships is that the other wont cheat. The breaking of the trust it what really hurts people, and thus I think cheating should not be brushed off as no big deal as it is at the end of this video.
53iBro 1 month ago
As much as I agree with him, he's employing the naturalistic fallacy here.
axis462 1 month ago
Oh, ok sure! You have a white background, good lighting and confidence, you must be an authority.
amisamiamiam 1 month ago
Poof
nicko198718 1 month ago
Maybe ridiculous for you but no more or less ridiculous than anything else.
novourchin 1 month ago
I digress
klx134sm 1 month ago
1:07 - 1:20
ZekeAShaw911 1 month ago
so a gay guy is tellin me this...??
potshed 1 month ago
He clearly has not done his historical research, monogomy was not something invented 60 years ago, its been a feature of a fairly large proportion of societies for thousands of years.
Sharpy111 1 month ago 17
@Sharpy111 So it wasn't normal for men to get married and then go out and have sex with prostitutes and other women 60+ years ago?
xStealthClown 1 month ago
@xStealthClown I never said people have not had sex with prostitutes, I said it has always been part of most societies for thousands of years. Its like saying, well people murder each other still so does that mean murder is legal and accepted.
Also, as to your question, 60 years ago it would have been frowned upon for a married man to use a prostitute in the western world for certain and I would not use the word "normal".
Sharpy111 1 month ago
@Sharpy111 But what he is saying is that it's something made up by people even though it isn't natural. Also, I think you have a little too much faith in men's monogamy. Even if a thing is frowned upon it doesn't mean people does it less. A good example would be cannabis.
xStealthClown 1 month ago
@xStealthClown I don't think I have too much faith in men's monogamy, I do not have faith in that mans historical research that is all. I think he has an agenda and has made sweeping historical comments which are unfounded.
Also remember that in a lot of cultures it is not just "frowned upon" but also illegal, of course I am not saying it didn't happen, I am just saying he was inaccurate and that when you said it was "normal" that was not true either.
Sharpy111 1 month ago
@Sharpy111 king tut had over 500 children
Snodgers3rdclass 1 month ago
@Snodgers3rdclass that is irrelevant to everything I have said.
Sharpy111 1 month ago
@Sharpy111 You clearly didn't listen to what he said. Before 60 years ago there was a lot of cheating and it was acceptable (or somewhat ignored). Now cheating constitutes as a deal breaker opposed to a hiccup in the relationship (marriage).
NeoSolid11 1 month ago 18
@Sharpy111 Nice source bro
quinnweller 1 month ago
@Sharpy111 Ok, you do realize you are now going to be called out and asked for your resources supporting your rebuttal, or your claim is just as bullshit as his.
cenobyte21 1 month ago
@Sharpy111 totally. this dude is spreading misinformation, alot of "bigthink" videos do that, they allow morons on it so its hard to find the intelligent speakers
wearestarstuffsagan 1 month ago
@Sharpy111 I dont think he is saying that, I think he is saying like drugs we made it more socially necessary to be monogamist
neonbutterflys 1 month ago
@Sharpy111 Yeah he seems to think because kings and emperors had concubines and whores that it was common for the regular population. People that are, or think they are, above the law or morals will do what they want, whether it was JFK or Tiger Woods, regardless of the societal norms (both after that 60 year threshold). Most people do not fall in that position. Most people don't now, or never did, have the power or influence to do that.
TG1212able 1 month ago
@Sharpy111 sources?
anders2005 1 month ago
@Sharpy111 Only as religious doctrine, young religious doctrine, was monogamy SUPPOSED to be the accepted pratice. Try expanding the source(s) of your research. The evidence shows quite the opposite of what you claim by a noticable amount. I hate to presume but your statement sounds more religious than scientific or historical. I apologize if that is not true but his claim of extramarital sex being common is historically accurate. Is one way more effective is the true question.
Pineappletaco 1 month ago 5
@Pineappletaco Truth is, a God-hater knows what's objectively good for mankind collectively, he knows whats right, he knows what's moral, he knows just by natural cause-effect reasoning what to do & what not to do. But an atheist also believes that SELF is all that really matters. So he'll watch the whole world burn as long as he's personally satisfied. That's a truth we all know.
blattt188 3 days ago
@Sharpy111 For women, you are absolutely correct. Men, however, have had free reign in ~most~ parts of the world before 60 or so years ago.
TheGilmer 1 month ago
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superclaydude 1 month ago
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@Sharpy111 The strict monogamy our culture endorses as the only permissible standard is.
superclaydude 1 month ago
@Sharpy111 Thank you for being too dumb to even listen to what the hell he was saying before commenting. You and the 19 people who upvoted you are idiots.
lectrick 1 month ago
@Sharpy111 YES. YES... (which is what's wrong with marriage, it being an archaic institution)... but what Dan is saying is that men were not expected to SEXUALLY commit. It wasn't surprising for men to have sex with other women.
fluffynelly 1 month ago
@Sharpy111 It's been a failure for thousands of years, too.
Pilaf1984 1 month ago
Lol, you guys' comments are cracking me up!
ooooll0lloooo 1 month ago
Instead of saying it's okay to cheat a couple of times, why not just admit you're not the person you wish you could be?
owlcu 1 month ago
@owlcu ahahahahaha... cool comment. Though, he does have a point. Talking about this always makes the person who talks about it suspect.
OSCAR1777 1 month ago
This guy is what is horrible about the world. Hands down.
ryanellis999 1 month ago
Monogamy is not a default position, yet socially it is presented as such. There is too much emphasis on monogamy being the pure and noble way to go. Sleeping with different sexual partners does not make you a bad person. The harm comes from the deception. It just happens to be that, like most behaviours which are socially prohibited, people end up doing in a secretive manner to avoid the judgment of society. Like sexuality people shouldn't expect people to be by default one way or the other.
foxymrfox 1 month ago
It is a personal thing. If you want to be in an open relationship you can find plenty of women out there who will cater for that.
toolworks 1 month ago
Dan, you are an idiot. Just because something isn't "effortless" does NOT mean it's "ridiculous". Desiring to have sex with other people, and actually giving in to that are 2 different things. Most worthwhile things aren't effortless- having to work at something makes it that much more special. I have been in a committed, monogamous relationship for over 20 years, and for you to say something like this is spitting on us. And by the way, YOU ARE NOT AN EXPERT.
poohgp 1 month ago
Marriage has become meaningless because of all the lies people tell to get what they want. Shallow and pathetic, they divorce in droves. If you're not ready to be monogamous don't sign papers saying that you are. Unless hypocrisy appeals to you. You want to "fuck the shit out of other people"? Fine, grow a spine, stay single, pay your own mortgage and make your own sandwiches. Oops -- is it harder to get laid when someone's not supporting your cowardly ass? This is why Dan has a career.
owlcu 1 month ago
In reality, yes, when were married we all want to fuck the shit out of every attractive person that walks by. It's kind of weird though. I mean, I still do have this emotion that I can experience called "jealousy". It's a hypocritical emotion, but why do I feel "jealousy" if I still want to fuck the shit out of most girls I see. I feel like it my penis vs. my need for attention.
Demonboi9 1 month ago 11
@Demonboi9 Are you married?
santran 1 month ago
@santran No, I'm 15.
Demonboi9 1 month ago
Like all things regarding love and sex (that aren't just the bare-bone facts), it's complicated. I know that even if I had a mutually agreed upon open relationship with somebody, and we both had other sexual partners, that I would still be jealous. Even if I was with a better looking person, and they were with some ape-faced loser, that I would still be jealous. I don't know if society hard-wired it into me, or if it's just competitive instinct, but I get jealous.
IAmEnormous 1 month ago
@IAmEnormous I would say instinct. Males of any species, humans included, are territorial. We "claim" our females and don't want any other males to mate with them (for pleasure or reproduction). Think of deer. The dominant male has an area of territory that he controls. All food and females in that area are his. If another male comes in that area, the dominant male will assert his claim and they will fight until one is proven the strongest and the other flees. We are the same, and thus jealousy.
jones81381 1 month ago
This "person" advocated the destruction of society.
sooperfukker 1 month ago
Funny how this video has nearly 10,000 more views than any other of his videos...
blackbeltste 1 month ago
This is why you should stay single and fuck around until your hormones start to slow down some. Then you can give monogamous relationship a shot.
prometheusxc 1 month ago
Peronally i do believe that a faithful realationship between 2 people can exist without the need of going out of your way to satisfy a need. We are humans not animals, we have control over our actions much more than a wild animal. The reason monogamy is such a failure isn't due to the human incapability to refrain from sex with others, it's the temptation that comes with it. The majority of people in the western world wear clothes, have a sexual lifestyle, and attitudes towards sex compared to
perminder4000 1 month ago
FASTEST way to catch an STD if you ask me.
Dan Savage is still hella cool though :)
TrinitysIndiBox 1 month ago
@TrinitysIndiBox Use a condom. Or have a polyamorous relationship.
majikalacity 3 weeks ago
.... so back then we where fucking everything we could? lOL
swifttiga 1 month ago
This silly fag Savage is clearly worthy of death. He is the epitome of evil and ignorance. He has ingested too much sperm and his brain is fully rotted. No doubt his colon is a huge incubator for may deadly viruses & diseases. He should be straightway executed and dispatched to hell where his folly will be complete.
ElCubanoConguero 1 month ago
@ElCubanoConguero ...and you're going to heaven right? What is he saying that is wrong? Evidence clearly shows that people aren't built for monogamy.. it's not in out nature..
TheCrazyGuy91 1 month ago
"fuck the shit outta other people?" who wants to fuck someone and have shit shooting out their ass? I'd prefer to fuck the life outta some guy, make him so exursted that he litterally faints.
hot6235 1 month ago
If the spouse isn't putting out, but still loves you and wants you to be happy, that spouse should allow you to get 'serviced' safely. Always use protection during sex with someone else. Don't be too afraid if the sex is only oral (finger job or hand job). We are sexual creatures and we have a need to off from time to time by another person by either sex. Being social creatures and sexual creatures go hand and hand and that's how we are wired. Just be safe about it and you'll be fine.
AutumnKitten 1 month ago
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owlcu 1 month ago
If you call it cheating then it's a bad thing by nature. If you don't want to practice monogamy, don't get into a monogamous relationship. It's as simple as that.
PeterD2S 1 month ago
I don't even know why people care so much about monogamy? Where does that attachment come from? Why can't you just simply have the person you love the most, live with them and have children with them, but also have sex with other people on the side? Just be careful is all.
sniper6081 1 month ago
The massive rise in divorce is not due to a newly discovered flaw in monogamy. I think Dan overlooks the nature of man and even moresoe the role that economic and technological progress has had in the increase in marriage in general.
boomtastic67 2 months ago
@boomtastic67 actually, there's been some fascinating research on how the human species has, for 95% of its time on earth, not been monogamous by nature. check out the book Sex At Dawn. this is where savage draws some of his stuff too. psychology, anthropology, sociology, and evolutionary biology all point to this conclusion
ThePatcam 2 months ago
@ThePatcam There's an odd sort of conservatism about this statement. You and Dan seem to be saying that because cavemen lived a certain way that this is how we should live now, and the nothing should ever change from the "natural" way of doing things. This is nonsensical. To point out how things were is no proof of how things ought to be.
inflate98 1 month ago
@inflate98 i'm not saying we should immediately revert to polygamy. i'm just pointing out that the notion that monogamy is 'human nature' is not accurate, and that we should have a serious discussion about the flaws of monogamy and how we can fix them. its not nonsensical to suggest modern day conceptions of life may be wrong on some level. slavery, racism, and sexism used to all be commonly accepted as 'natural progress' until they were challenged
ThePatcam 1 month ago
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sWeepingsAnd 1 month ago
This has been flagged as spam show
@ThePatcam And 95% of that time, they were living in caves and dying at age 20.
The other 5% of then time, they were building civilizations and advancing as human beings, all thanks to the terrifying "regressive horror" of monogamy, as it enabled healthy breeding practices and social order.
Oooo scary! Progress!
sWeepingsAnd 1 month ago
this is bullshit => everybody is diffirent some are monogamus and some are not :-) to complicated to explain it in 500 caracters :-) people need to be honnest of what they want in life and than act up on it :-)
jetunknownactor 2 months ago
such bullshit... such a weak man...
AnastaciyaSh 2 months ago
Most people in our society who are adults are serial monogamists, whether single or soon to be. People pretend they don't have sexual thoughts of others while in their relationships to keep an air of appearance. At the outset of a relationship ideal love is proudly proclaimed. If a person "cheats" then the so called innocent partner uses this infidelity as a reason to leave the relationship only to eventually meet another partner and start the whole process all over again.
mattfirebird 2 months ago
I agree with Lleanlleawrg completely, but I'm a nonsexual, so I might be bias.
rrekydoc 2 months ago
It pisses me off that i agree with him.
kendon0923 2 months ago
Theres probably only a handful of creatures that mate-for-life. It'd be improbable that humans would be one of them. Just saying.
rockinthisnecropolis 2 months ago