NBA Players, Owners Fail To Reach Agreement Where They Would Beat Each Other With Chains

[bigfloridapimp]

1:01 I busted my nut.

[KdogPrime]

Everyone should be beaten with everything!

[odog502]

wow, their logic actually predicted the future on accident. Orton(in his first start for the Chiefs) just beat the undefeated Packers. I guess Orton was "bad enough to win" afterall, hah.

[MrNewcastle1919]

They should have far more of these segments. Absolutely hilarious!

[xtremegt2]

They never EVER should've cancelled Sportsdome. Everyone I knew loved it, it just didn't get marketed right.

[alkhami1]

"...PLAYOFFS?!..."

[DontDropYet]

nbascoop.wordpress(dot)com/ visit too view recent updates for NBA

[todanp]

ahahahha YES! He's back!

[madmanmark08]

1:30 tim tebow, cons and pros... HAHA

[rexlovestoboogie]

i dont know what ur saying but i know i hate u for it" lol yeah totally using tht line

[DrCaligar1]

DOC BRAH

[TheKlink]

"aw, compared to me you're practically for it!!" ROFL!!!

[michaellucky22]

Out of all the Onion's programs, this one is always my favorite.

[SamCook3]

Im glad DOC is back much funnier with him on

[theapollomoonlanding]

Tebow is going to win the Super Bowl.

[seamusconley]

i'm likin' this more and more every time. much funnier then the rest of the shit the onion's cooking up in my humble opinion

[shutmoonshyflower]

compared to me you're practically for it... hahaha

[grandin105]

What are the orange balls that yell at each other during the intro? Oranges? Sure as hell not onions...Just sayin.

[SafetySam]

The Doc is in!

[YSKite]

Child Molestation is overrated.

[Jaybaylor]

Dude they act JUST like the guys on ESPN!

[MrDiscostu32]

"i don't know what that means but i know i hate u for saying it" lmaooooo

[crayzsnail]

"Everybody should be beaten with everything!"

[Herv3]

@crayzsnail Except Tim Tebow.

[kissit012]

I love that the Onion has been consitently expressing their views on the Penn State issue. This is one of the strongest reasons why they are my most reliable news source... That and Clifford Baines

[Superfresh602]

i feel bad for the jaguars they are like how my team, the cardinals used to be until kurt warner came around

[rocinante821]

Tebow cons: "Intolerable personality."

[EMANON92993]

"Jaguars burn down stadium for to collect insurance money"

[raptors11111]

Watch it once to hear what they're saying, watch it a 2nd time to read the things on the bottom of the screen!

[Snapshot3]

lmao hot things

[haroonfunny94]

i used to be against child molestation...but then i took an arrow to the knee

[VelaToNorma7]

@haroonfunny94 Be original.

[DrCaligar1]

I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS BUT I KNOW I HATE YOU FOR SAYING IT.

[QuantumStates]

@DrCaligar1 hahaha that was a good one

[rohanslick]

DOCCCCCCCCCCCC returns and he and Kenny=Awesomenessness!

[rohanslick]

the last lines looolololololololol



[holyhell5050]

This segment bores the hell out out of me compared to other Onion stuff. *yawn*

[Gastel]

@holyhell5050 "Compared to me you're practically for it."



[zack36ooo]

LOL " I don't know what that means, but I know I hate you for saying it". 1:16

[CMichaelEH]

this segment is like the greatest thing the Onion has ever done

[Gastel]

@CMichaelEH Compared to me you practically hate it.

[thorfoxxx]

i dont know much about current sports but i still laugh the whole time during these videos

[DrCaligar1]

I dont get the astros joke. I only know about basketball. Any1 care to explain?

[greglawrence]

The people spoke...and we are happy.

[hajihajihajiha]

"get your fat head out of your vacuous head"

damn straight.

[PillowDood]

"start shitty quarterbacks" lmao

[batboyjhg]

"I don't know what that means, but I know I hate you for saying it."

[OwnageCorp]

this is why we can't have hot things

[DannyManVega]

"Mark Sanchez, Tom Brady meet up for a little sex."

[ryanwallen22]

Best team ever.

[RevolverBoss]

Tim Tebow

Cons:

-Overthrows passes

-Underthrows passes

-Doesn't throw passes

-Intolerable personality

Pros

-Wins

...Haha but isn't that what counts in a GAME.. 

[phonebush]

@RevolverBoss lol how is positivity intolerable?

[jussts]

@phonebush How is it not?

[RevolverBoss]

@phonebush Idk I don't hate the dude... lol but everone and their butt buddies does

[TheHm3]

@RevolverBoss Tebow got BEAT TEH SHIT OUT OF by the Patriots.... kinda expected since Patriots have been one of the best teams overall this year. And I'm sure this year will be a 2008 Superbowl rematch of Patriots vs Giants, but Patriots winning.

[Lanparth]

Awesome. Welcome back Doc.

[iMunk5]

YESS THE BLACK GUYS BACK

[Sully907]

haha I loved the tim tebow jokes. The onions is so consistently funny

[ninjagamer1997]

"WAIT TIL THE TRADE DEADLINE TO SIGN A DOG! There's plenty of humans on the market." funniest quote I heard in awhile

[MrWarPeon]

0:40 "Eli Manning Boldly Predicts 3 TDS, 2 BMS Next Sunday"

[shshshooKya]

"...it's inspiring other teams to start shitty quarterbacks!"

[codbug]

I don't know what that means! But I know I hate you for saying it!

[kristoph17]

Love it!

[sarsattacks]

The black's back!

[Presto14]

@sarsattacks classy

[NUGNESS123]

HOLY SHIT XD

[DrBandrew]

uhg i can't get over the fact this is how a lot of sportsshows are.

[Marcus21999]

I have no idea what they're talking about, but that was awesome.

[rainningstorm]

This is the best duo.

[SplitByTheShadows]

Personally, idgaf about sports, but I love these segments.

[StreetDoggydog1995]

The Owners and NBA players were going to come to an agreement..... then they got an arrow to the knee

[hollyhoodjoe123]

What about Mark Sanchez? The Jets have been riding his terrible arm for years!

[braswellwin]

fucking hilarious.

[SuperQuis]

Doc is Back!!

[ForceRecon198]

I don't what that means but I know I hate you for saying it.

[62cyoung]

i love tebow and the broncos but fuck this is funny as shit

[culwin]

YESSSS!!!

DOC IS BACK!!!

[aznlova87]

WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING AT ME!!!??!!?

[Natural11001001]

Good to have Doc back!

[revmotor]

I only watch this for Doc.

[shilelea]

im really proud at how against child molestation i am.

[Chaoskiller34]

@shilelea "Compared to me your practically for it!!!" rofl!

[prestellad]

YAYY BLACK GUY!

[animalcop55]

well this wasn't GOOMF205 DELIVERY

[MrSubzero98]

Rusty the 3 year old puggle is their best choice.

[Bigbully0110]

EPIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[m0lina]

"I dont know what that means, but I know I hate you for saying it!"

[sasbabeuk]

I clapped as soon as I saw the screenshot. Doc your presence was sorely missed.

[BradandGabe]

I have to watch every episode twice. Once to listen and again to read the scroll. I love this show

[lukeiamyourfaja]

fuck these rich corporate assholes and overpaid athletes

[MrArrghimapirate]

DOC IS BACK!!!!! made my day

[AtheistActivist]

The way he said "jackass" was perfect

[abe4life1]

yaaaayy.. u see how much better this is with that black guy..*like*

[NightimeShadow]

"Oh, compared to me you're practically for it!"

[koflight]

yess! hes back!

[CommissarRed]

"I don't know what that means but I hate you for saying it" and thus balance was restored to my world.

[Greenlightgo31]

"i dont know what that means, but i know i hate you for saying it!"

[DoJaenin]

Yay Doc!

[tfryinthemorning]

"compared to me you're practically for it"

[ThisJustZen]

Now THIS Is News at it's BEST!  Hilarious!

[CrazyDave408]

"Baseball playing experience a plus (not required)"

[sloshays]

@CrazyDave408 For the Astros anything is an improvement, hell I would rather watch hot girls play and get kicked in the ass then watch these sorry excuse for baseball players we have right now. And to think I used to like the Astros.....why do I have to live in Houston?

[Skindoggiedog]

@sloshays "I would rather watch hot girls play and get kicked in the ass then watch these sorry excuse for baseball players"

Why don't you know the difference between 'than' and 'then'?

[Gastel]

@Skindoggiedog Maybe sloshays wants both things but in a specific order.

[nodariel]

Docs back!

[TheBronx2222]

whenever i go to post a comment they're all already top comments guess i should start thinking of shitty comments tht way they'll become top comments good logic

[phalluman]

I'm so glad the black guy is back!

[bamboo4tameshigiri]

That would be the most badass weapon on earth, a solid gold chain.

[Ozepyon09]

DOC IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[MasterSadd]

is this a spoof of PTI ?? lol

[FruitySCB]

I have to cut my volume in half for these videos

[epayne6]

"I'd say you should watch more baseball, but I really want you get fired."

GOD I LOVE THESE TWO!!!!!

[KillCount666]

Everybody should be beaten with everything.

[JDickiez]

Hey!!!!! Hoooo!!!!

[smoothmedia]

This is now the best part of The Onion

[InfinityEnterprises]

yay doc's back!

[Tomsonx232]

MORE YELLING!!!

[DotsOnALine]

@Tomsonx232 I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE YELLING ABOUT!!!!

[tokinblckgie]

"I don't know what that means, but I know that I hate you for saying it."

lmao Lines like this are why I love seeing these two are the best on this show.

[Fendertastic]

TEBOW DUN GOOMFED 

[Sabohaque]

Tebow is the Terry Bradshaw of our time.

[15725867905]

Why can't this be an actual show on ESPN?

[Gnometower]

Yay! Angry Black Dude!

[AtibbsSPARTAN]

Who will buy sports commentators microphones so that these would not have to shout?

I hate these shows on ESPN....I hate them on the Onion. Spot on imitation

[LAMFi1ms]

I don't know what that means, but I HATE you for saying it!

[nightpwner]

I too am really proud of how against child molestation I am : D

[Jesse2K12]

@nightpwner Oh shut up compared to me you are practically for it.

[psychee1]

@Jesse2K12 That comment was golden :) Gonna have to remember that to use in the future.

[AcesHigh286]

Fun Fact: Doc has actually been a New England area sports journalist for years. Right now he co-hosts the Patriots post-game show on the CBS Boston affiliate. So seeing him in this is... odd for me.

[Serpent10i]

I <3 DOC

[GoinASN]

Yay! Doc's back!

[MrDiscostu32]

Mark Sanchez, Tom Brady meet up for a Little Sex <------ WTFF

[HxCPantsParty]

I don't even watch sports and I still think this is funny :P

[lShishkaBerryl]

the title of this alone made me laugh so hard >.<

[xfactor0693]

The Bears have a quarterback thats bad enough to beat Tebow lol

[warfjm]

These two guys should NEVER be separated. They are like Statler and Waldorf on steroids. I'm literally crying it was so funny.

[mcspikesky]

Probably the best show on the Onion!

[aaronpolitical]

"I don't know what that means, but I know I hate you for saying it!"

[keywolf23]

i dont like this one.. kenny isn't sweating enough.

[handicappedhero]

"This is why we can't have hot things."

You guys are great.

[wilbertbenjamin]

you guys are so freaking funny!! my son and I love it!!!

[JSasRays]

tebows such a pussy. NOLES

[boss1001]

I am loving the constant Tebow angle.

[ChiefRepublic]

The return of shouty black guy.

[Mezey5]

This is one of their funnier episodes.

[ric112]

onion > reality

[mdossantos047]

Doc? AWWWWWW YYEAAAAHHHHH

[WinglessPigThatFlies]

"we don't care about the nba, college kids already play basketball for free!" HAHA

[BushidoBrownSama]

Jaguars burn down stadium for insurance money lol

[OgreMECH]

They're against child molestation! Yay!

[ThisisJamesman]

YAY DOC! we missed u

[nani1962]

I used to play basketball but i took an arrow to the knee now i just watch it.

[jpgfiles]

"compared to me you're practically for it" too much.....funny

[thlin]

YEAA ONION DO CARE =). DOC IS BACK!

[datlibra17]

as for that Tebow pros/cons breakdown, i would add "great personality" to Pros, and scratch intolerable personality and doesn't throw passes from the cons... then it would be true

[sweatyshorts]

John Elway Evicts Family Of 5 Living In His Mouth

[readywerx]

"everyone should be beatin with eveything!"

[cappa37]

Kenny YOU JACKASS! 1:56

[cappa37]

I don't know what that means but I KNOW I HATE YOU FOR SAYING IT!

[BraydenBJ]

rajon rondo offers to trade abilities with Chris Paul HAHAHA

[Buzz0Killington]

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOC!!!!!

[joeheshy]

fuck yeah doc is back

[blacksncommercials]

Doc is the man!

[ThatGirlShell]

"This is why we can't have hot things!"

[eoinpuddles]

Get your fat head out of your vacuous head, Doc!!

[fathersky5]

I hope Tim Tebow watches this.

[mexme1]

yay the black guys back!

[stillw3]

THESE MOTHER FUCKERS ARE SPEAKING FASTER THAN I CAN THINK IN ENGLISH BUT FUNNY SHIT THEYRE TALKING I BET!! ARENT THEY? :\

[Erilis666]

@stillw3 lmao

[AmericanNohbuddy]

Tebow sucks. ESPN needs to stop pushing him.

[BlueJays96]

SHOUTY BLACK GUY, oh how i missed you :)

[GangsterJawa]

They really hate Tebow, don't they?

[CantStopTheBox]

EVERYBODY SHOULD BE BEATEN BY EVERYTHING

I used to make Onion not changing the video title before uploading jokes, then