Added: 2 years ago
From: tyler0896
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  • He could weigh thirteen scales.

  • Awesome.

  • lol i used to do this too, those scales they have for school science labs are the shit ^_^. i still use one

  • And this is why you stick to your lies kids

  • "...if they're not me I don't give a shit"

  • where would he stash 14 ounces without going home. magic

  • @MrMattyg143 cause he stole them all at once. derp

  • good bit, don't know why it didn't make it into his specials.

  • I remember hearing this at a show a couple years ago and he went way more into the story and about weed in general and may have been one of the funniest bits I have ever heard. I just love Louis CK.

  • This is him "trying new shit"?

    Remind me to never get into stand-up comedy.

  • I can fuckin weigh anything!!!

  • I got one of those scales at my house... I wonder what I can get for that?

  • Funniest guy... ever.

  • how much does 13 scales weight

  • "He thinks I just have 'em? HAHA FUCKING SCALES! I LOVE SCALES! I got FOURTEEN of 'em! I can fucking weigh ANYTHING!"

    I love this guy.

  • haha holy shit this is gold, the last line is brilliant ("the way i look at it..."). love how he apologizes after for the "dead spots" when there really are none.

  • an ounce is about 300 dollars so 300 times 14 is $4200 haha

  • WOAH hey!! It's my old buddy Mctoffle or whatever. Hey KID I see you still dislike things!! Awesome dude, be who you ARE not who you WANT to be.

  • Awww I love a good Youtube DICK waggle. It's like two fat cats arguing over the last lick of cream.

  • and i kept staring at the picture for 5 minute

  • sooo funny

  • I want a scale that looks like a cell phone.

  • Comment removed

  • For a year?? more like a few days

  • best stand up in america

  • I voted both top comments down TWICE cuz damn you all need to stop with the bullshit. All you're doing is ruining the bit by quoting the shit we are ABOUT to hear, and yea you can say well don't read the comment! To which I'm like 'Go fuck yourself" then you're all 'GO fuck YOURSELF' Then I'm like 'you first' then you'll be like 'you're such a child' then I say ' says the asshole who types out unoriginal shit like it's the best thing in the world'. Then I go pass out with a bottle of jack.

  • @thSubliminalCriminal I just voted the top comments up even higher now.

  • @749Pi

    I imagine a lot of people would cuz their assholes too. you should all get together and start a band or something and go on tour with a shit act like lady gaga or something like that.

  • @thSubliminalCriminal that was a lot of words just to make a lot more people want to vote up the top comments... if the bit is 'ruined' it's your fault and no one else's sir bitch a lot.

  • @mctroffle

    Sir indeed you little bitch.

  • @thSubliminalCriminal lol you sound like such a sad pathetic excuse of a troll

  • @mctroffle

    you sound like you care too much about things that don't matter to you. you don't think you could use your talents of posting comments on youtube for the betterment of mankind somehow? can u fit your whole fist in your mouth? i bet you could. you seem like the type who can.

  • @thSubliminalCriminal you're the big man typing out whole paragraphs bitching about top comments and attempted insults towards people you'll never meet, I'm just having a good laugh at how sad your life must be to make you end up like this. sound like you need a hobby or something is all pal. I wouldn't suggest comedy or debate however. hecklers would make you cry without your keyboard to hide behind.

  • @mctroffle

    Speaking of paragraphs...

  • @thSubliminalCriminal true, difference being mine make sense and have points. ya should try it sometime, makes things so much more interesting. take care it was fun anyway

  • @mctroffle

    What was true? That you can fit your whole fist in your mouth or you could use your talents better? I'm not following you. I am not the lorax nor do I speak for the trees. Can I get your number and maybe I'll call you some time to check in on how you're doing?

  • @thSubliminalCriminal What?! I was under the assumption that you WERE the lorax, and you don't even speak for the trees you say? Well, you just blew my whole argument clear out of the water.

  • @mctroffle

    I look at it like this, How many times can you polish up a turd? It's always gonna be a turd.

  • @thSubliminalCriminal I have heard of that saying, thanks for putting it out there. if you have any more unrelated quips please don't clog my inbox with them, just make a new comment. :D

  • @mctroffle don't be a fucking idiot. You know it only takes ten seconds to type out a youtube comment. So we both know you're not stupid enough to genuinely think that just because someone is shitposting on youtube doesn't mean they must have a "sad life" or that they "need a hobby". Please, if you're going to fight on the internet, don't resort to stupid bullshit like that.

  • @Gaiacarra "shitposting", aka emotional posting devoid and any and all logic is what you people are doing, and yes it means you probably need a hobby or better yet girlfriend because you're letting yourself get all worked up over someone else you'll never meet, over an argument you can't even fight without the support of your schoolyard insults and the occasional "fuck" for emphasis. you guys sound like angry midgets running around just wanting to be heard but nothing to actually say.

  • @mctroffle your whole argument is null and void because you are doing exactly the same thing. Are you having to give up your whole life or your hobbies in order to do so? No? Yeah, that's cause it takes less than a minute to type a youtube comment. Now watch as I hit that "Post" button and then get on with my life.

  • @Gaiacarra i see you've switched strategies, going from irate name calling to ignoring the bulk middle of my post so you can restate yours slightly differently and pretend i'm just not understanding you.  i hope you're not in any sort of real life debate sessions, they'd make fun of you for doing that.

  • @mctroffle ...what argument do you even think we're having here? My whole point is just that your remark that "shitposting on youtube means you must have no life and no girlfriend!" was stupid. If anything, you're the one who ignored my comment by then turning it into an argument about how illogical I am.

  • @Gaiacarra dude, I heard what you said.. look I'll even concede defeat, maybe you have a girlfriend and just don't know how to argue without turning it into a pissing contest fueled by the most unoriginal insults and points possible. fine, that's so much better and I truly envy the rich life you must lead where you feel the need to repeat yourself to strangers you think for some reason give two shits about your "talking shit on youtube has meaning" arguments. whatever. move on.

  • @Gaiacarra next time you want to start shit how about not using hyperbole in reiterating what the other person said to try and make them look stupid? if you don't even know what that means or how you did it, I think we're done here since I don't argue with retards.

  • @thSubliminalCriminal How can you be like 'you first'? Do you mean to say you would have said that in the particular situation? If so writing how you are like what you wish to say doesn't really convey the message.

  • @MrHarriecunt

    did u read and understand the whole thing?? I don't think you did.

  • This was a great bit. He should have incorporated it.

  • Comment removed

  • lol i just bought the scales myself...

  • I laughed soo hard!! this goes to show that, sometimes a true story can be just as funny as a traditional joke.

  • ive done this before lol

  • it was awesome!!!!!

  • Those scales cost a lot of fucking money too.

  • A fucking ounce of weed for one scale? Holy shit, I want to be this guy.

  • @ButtsexSandwich Weed was cheap Mexican brick back then, and triple beam scales were and are more expensive than and ounce of shwag.

  • as an addendum to that former post: i farted in my couch pillow and it has smelled for at least 40 minutes

  • I stole a scale to trade for pot when i was 20 and working as a janitor...from a classroom i heard the oj verdict in...from a teacher who has since passed. RIP miss A and the juice is no longer loose. long live Louis CK

  • i get the story, but how the fuck did he just take the scales, those things are too big to just put in your pocket?

  • @robonerd3 You don't get the story. He was at school, Einstein. He put them in his backpack.

  • i don't understand how someone can be this funny

  • @WeAreCameron

    That's because your a pussy, welcome to the internet

  • @Lollemaster I'm sorry for whatever made you wake up this morning.

  • @WeAreCameron

    Good argument, really relevant to anything, especially my comment on your bitching about the best stand-up comedian in the world, who won an Emmy and understands humor well. Good thing for both of us that you watch stand-up comedy and don't like it and waste more of your life.

  • @Lollemaster actually i was remarking on how funny he was. but i guess the fact that you're an idiot is worth the irony it has created in this moment.

  • @WeAreCameron

    Ah. I see it now.

    Fuck.

    Well, see ya

  • @Lollemaster I forgive you and I still love you.

  • @WeAreCameron

    Forgiveness! (Y)

  • i love louiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

  • I heard this joke live last week.

  • @thegov08 "Uploaded by tyler0896 on Mar 31, 2009"

    ...

  • @ButtsexSandwich He reused this joke and updated it some. He did it in his Melbourne, Austrailia show that I was at.

  • this is fucking hilarious

  • lol we did that all the time in HS!!!

  • "they're not me so who gives a shit" epic

  • I would've totally stolen scales from my school and traded them for an ounce of weed. Shit I prob would've done it for an eighth back in HS.

  • All aspiring comedians...take notes. This is great comedy. None of that simple minded, unoriginal nonsense that we see on tv today. I hope I don't sound arrogant. But very few comedians really make me laugh hard nowadays. Louis CK never dissapoints though.

  • this mustve been before digital scales.

    and dude an ounce is alot of weed to trade for Anything.... scales areant worth near a 100 bucks

  • @Dalton856Cedarville this was a while ago, where weed was cheap and shitty. and like you said, also before cheap digital scales, they were probably heavy duty expensive scales. i bet the dealer made quite a bit off of louis lol.

  • @sheepblitzer excellent point

  • @Dalton856Cedarville

    real triple beams are actually very expensive...some sell new for over 200 USD and it would be hard to find a set under 100 that was worth picking up

    

  • @Oldbailey420 imma have to steal me a couple at that price

  • @Oldbailey420 Shit nigga.

  • This is so funny. He is so good.

  • fuck yes!!!! haha

  • I CAN WEIGH FOURTEEN THINGS AT ONCE!

  • you can get a scale for like 50$, cmon Louis! Replace those scales!

  • I wanna know how he actually stole them haha

  • I COULD FUCKING WEIGH ANYTHING!!!!

  • great story

  • Thanks for the post and the good audio quality. Woah, 14 ounces of pot...close to a pound of weed in a year.

  • thanks for the post and the good audio quality

  • I think he still has them.

  • The way I look at it is, they're not ME so I don't give a shit.

  • I wish we could hear the "final" version of this bit in his next special.

  • I can fucking weight anything! 14 things at a time!

    EVEN DRUGS!

  • wicked story!

  • i can fuckin weigh ANYTHING!!

    14 things at a time!! xD

    louis is fucking halariousssssss

  • I fucking LOVE SCALES!

  • Sometimes I'd just steal giant special hershey's chocolate bars and that's the only thing I would ever steal. *cough* And maybe fourteen scales.

  • wait his show is cancelled? i saw commercials for a 2nd season.

  • @nathan5972 his original show, Lucky Louie. on HBO

  • @Bluke4x4 oh yea i just remembered like right after i commented thnks tho.Seriously im stoked for the new season of Louis

  • 25 people want their scales back

    ... aww :( too soon?

  • I CAN WEIGH FOURTEEN THINGS AT ONCE!

  • I FUCKN LOVE SCALES LMAO

  • I fuckin' sold 'em to drug dealers!

  • I FUCKING LOVE SCALES!

  • scale are so cheap now

  • I think every high school has a pothead to steal scales, hell I still have mine it's dope. Industrial scale for free mo fuckers.

  • was telling a friend about how some highschool drop out I knew used to steal scales from the science lab to weigh his weed, he sent me this. so perfect.

  • I love scales...I can fuckin weigh anything!!

  • I can weigh 14 things at a time!

  • I can way 14 things at a time!

  • Lol. Great story. Who hasn't had one of those moments?

  • the idea of a "joke" is gone. this way of telling jokes has much more depth. Everything is funny in his stories. heavy laughing all the way through.

  • @eviltube1111 died with hedberg?

  • This is one of the funniest things I've ever heard, and is some of his best work.

  • Fucking AWESOME!!!

  • I had never heard this before today. Fucking win. I'm seeing him in Boston on the 26th.

  • an ounce for some scales?!?!? if only if only

  • 21 are faggots...

  • Very, very funny. But, as a teacher, it makes me wanna cry ;-)

  • Ay nigga imma let you finish but that pot is the best pot of all time

  • I can fucking weigh ANYTHING!

  • I love this bit, very funny, never heard it before :)

  • Please load more, This guy is the funniest on the planet.

  • Where are the 21 shitheads that dislike this?

  • Feel proud louis. U just made a black/spanish guy laugh his azz off

  • "Good for you, I'm proud of you and screw Mr. Frackman." Hilarious, It's almost hard to believe this really happened.

  • A good comedian can tell a joke, a great comedian can tell a hilarious story, and just talk and be funny. I love this bit.

  • AHHH FUCKIN SCALES. I LOVE SCALES! I CAN WEIGH FOURTEEN THINGS AT THE SAME TIME!

  • I love how he always says "they are not me so I don't give a shit."

  • haha i swears hes the only comic that makes me laugh at every joke

  • Holy shit this is easily the funniest thing I have ever heard!

  • hes was trying out new material, he jsut brought some line that he knew would get laugh just in case.

  • best clip

  • Hilarious stuff.

  • i wonder what he meant by what he said at the end "im trying new shit"

    i didnt really notice a style change in the comedy or the way he delivered the jokes. maybe it was his decision to tell a story that had alot to its one subject, such as the scales.

    most of the time his jokes go everywhere, but i love him

  • He says 'sorry about the dead spots' which there were more of in the rest of the recording. Or he could have been referring to the lack of laughter in weak places like the part about buying Hershey's bars.

  • @tyler0896 Hey buddy do you still have teh full recording?

  • "im trying new shit" means hes never tried using that story as a bit before, and wanted to see if its worth including it into his routine

  • @TheMcReviewer Comediens This was probably new material that he had not perfected yet. Big name comedians often go to smaller clubs to test material to see when and if their jokes get laughs. You don't want to try brand new, untested material during an HBO special.

  • @TheMcReviewer

    He's working out new material. When you do comedy on stage, you know generally what makes an audience laughs and what doesn't. The issue comes with subject matter, because what you think is funny is different than what the world thinks is funny. Plus there's a matter in length of premise, punchline, and ending to the story. The closer to that story is just a line he had from another comedy special and probably felt that it wasn't finished. That's what I took from it.

  • @TheMcReviewer

    Comedians typically come up with new jokes then make it funnier over time by testing variations on a bunch of audiences. The dead spots are extended times between laughter. Comedians usually try to avoid these extended times.

  • @TheMcReviewer He's testing material, you fucking retard

  • @cokejoke lol I like your answer better

  • @TheMcReviewer what a faggot cunt nigger deer

  • @cokejoke Harsh, but necessary.

  • @cokejoke you should see what this bit has evolved into now, he performed it a couple weeks ago when I went to see him. Its a beautiful joke, hope he puts it on his new DVD

  • @TheMcReviewer clearly it means he's experimenting with PCP!

  • @TheMcReviewer Are you retarded or something

  • @TheMcReviewer

    ? hes saying that because he hasnt used this bit in a set much or at all...wtf

  • @TheMcReviewer This comment is the most useless piece of information I have ever read. 

  • @TheMcReviewer

    are u retarded? by trying new shit, hes trying new shit...new material, it really cant get much more simple. dipshit

  • Sorry, I'm no native speaker. What is meant with "scales" in this case?

    Thanks!

  • lol to weigh weed

  • Scales are to measure the weight of something, to see how heavy it is.

  • Thanks!

  • seriously? it's the same guy ffs lol

  • This dude sounds like another comedian that has a routine about sucking a package of dicks. You all should see if you can find it on here somewhere. He is much funnier than this dude that's for sure.

  • It's the same guy-Louis CK

  • its the same person

  • its the same guy

  • Where did he keep to ounce of weed the whole time? That'd be pretty hard to hide and it would eventually get old, shitty and moldy. I DEMAND ANSWERS!

  • @dogabortion lol are you retarded or something? XD

  • After the Nick Dipaolo debacle with the extra on his new show he's filming, he called into O&A about it and mentioned people uploading his work-in-progress stuff (ie bootlegs) on youtube. And said how it makes it difficult to sharpen his material for recordings. I felt kind of shitty like I was part of the problem.

    But, he never asked me to take either of them down, so, WEEEEE!

  • @tyler0896 In Louis Ck-ian theory, he's not me, so fuck him.

  • @tyler0896 For an unpolished bit, it's damn funny, one of the best ones I've heard.

  • such a great story