Does Money Matter Before Marriage?

[crit1227]

PLEASE PREACH!

[crabbycakes9000]

I would also like to add, from experience, that watching your partners employment lenght and habits is also important. Like if they lose their job for whatever reason, how long are they off work. How often do they switch jobs a nd how long they last at a job. And that if you have kids, are willing to look for job together so the chances of finding a job for the household is doubled.

[Saltysweets]

This is so true. Be smart and marriage will be easier. We all think we need to know a person's personnality, the way they manage money is part of it. Some people spend a lot in their passions or do not spend their money at all. Men or women you need to talk about it. Or you will be married with children ,crying over the bills fighting about any financial decisions ..

[honeychick4ever]

Great video! I like your videos!

[Supernova12034]

IM SURE it works both ways, just like the court system is fair, and weapons on mass destructions were found in iraq. OHHH WAIT.....NEVERMIND

[vocals79]

You can't pay the gas company, the telephone company, the cable, the water bill or any other living expense with LOVE! You have to address finances in a relationship. It's vital!

[vocals79]

Aaamen!!!

[deborahbetty58]

This is truly reality talk; the daily reality of marriage, in which to be and 'feel' secure on all levels, forms the basis of marriage. And how we handle the money issue, whether we like it or not, plays a huge part in that. Thanks again (~_^)

[MissPrettynCurvy]

Yeah, it's definitely NOT gold digging in this day and age, it's just using your COMMON SENSE. If you marry someone with bad credit, or bad finances, that's not good, because finances is one of the biggest reasons why people divorce. So, why start out with a bunch of problems, eh? :o)

[MissPrettynCurvy]

See, I was still watching your video, when I made my comment, but you said it yourself. I'm quite sure that statistic is right. Anyways, good video :o)

[beautymoi]

WOW very very insightful and well thought out and let's remember your credit scored reflects choices YOU made... therefor it is a reflection of your past and therefor who you are. Yes, identity theft exists, so obviously talk about, don't assume, and divorce... it can be a reason... but again it's often choices one made that lead to that. I'm not saying that what happens in the end are conscious decisions, but everything we do impacts our life and credit scores reflect these choices.

[badone112002]

I think people should check out your mates background. If you are making an investment to live with someone for the rest of your life you should know what you are getting into. I know too many folks who fall in love, move in and then find out how much the finances count and put a strain on everything. Some of my friends found out too late that their mate had bad credit and spends money like water putting them into debt. Good topic!

[rnstyle]

Great vid! I know everything was laid out on the table in this house! Doesn't mean everything was perfect, but we both knew where we stood where finances were concerned. It's only fair!

[tonyatunez]

Check out this book, "I Can't Afford to Marry You", by Marilyn Logan. This book addresses this issue.

[tonyatunez]

I agree finances are VERY important especially for women b/c our primary need is security. I believe couples should discus these issues b 4 marriage: criminal background chk, credit chk, address tax issues, money beliefs, goals and the future.

[Clarachk]

GREAT points! It's not about gold digging. It's about being mature enough to try and PLAN your future. If your lady dresses very well and seems to have expensive taste, it might be good to know if she is spending responsibly, or if she is in debt up to her eyeballs. When I marry, MY debt becomes OUR debt. If, for example he has a business, or even plain old A+ credit, what happens to HIS money/credit potential if MINE is way deep in the hole when we tie the knot? It falls. (CONT...)

[Clarachk]

(CONT...) And to me, that is unfair and stupid. I do not think it is unreasonable for anyone to ask their potential life mate about their credit or financial business. I also do not think it is unreasonable for one to request the other to get their finances in check before marrying. Period. Great video on a very important topic!

[LECLARA]

Chances are, If You have to do those checks before you marry,

Your instincts have

Already Kicked in &

You Know Something Isn't RIGHT!

[Jeremymia]

Once again spoken shares her extra insight with us. I am glad I get to enjoy the benefits of her wisdom.

[deladie]

Thank you once again for such a thought provoking message. This is advice is so sobering. Is is just like safer sex... you need to have honest and frank discussions about certain things before making potentially life altering decisions.

[love184em]

I'm the type of person who looks at what ppl do with their money. I believe in saving first then buying whatever you want. I'm 21 & I hate when I see young ppl buy the latest materials w/their last few dollars. Finance is important, it determines your future. I dnt want 2 marry sum1 who is in thousands of dollars in debt. It also says what kind of person you are. to me it means that you are not responsible & dnt care about your future or children's future. I want to live comfortably

[Clarachk]

I agree. Mr. Clarach gets very annoyed when he sees teenagers driving aroung in new cars that mom and dad bought for them. This brings up another topic altogether.. WORK ETHIC. Teaching today's youth that NOTHING is owed to them. Teaching them that you have to WORK and EARN your keep.

[al1835]

I agree. It's important to know about the other person before getting married.

[RiverBirch1967]

Good subject. For me it would be extremely important. If you are going to marry, you must already have discussed finances and how to manage them within your marriage, with common goals. If you are just dating, if a person has bad credit, watch out, because it means they are not wise with money.

[kpjazzy1]

AMEN!!!!! That was perfectly said.

[msscience]

well said!!!! A lot of people dont understand what partnership means and true there are a lot of people who dont want to give anything (even to get up off the couch to do it) for whatever reason. Both parties need to share the load.

[nappygungun]

Great video! Girl you took the words right out of my mouth!

[flidflaz]

i DO think it's superficial for people to only consider a person's financial worth when looking for suitors, and not put the same weight on a person's integrity, kindness, trustworthiness, spirituality, etc.

[Clarachk]

Again, this was not mentioned at all in her video. Did you watch it? She never once stated that you should chse your mate based soley (sp?) upon financials. Your point, however, IS a valid one. Of course there is more to chosing a life partner that money.

[flidflaz]

i think that it's responsible for people to sit down before marriage and have complete knowledge of the kind of steward the other is with their money. i don't think it's intrusive or an invasion of privacy. it's an obligation so that their won't be surprises after the "i dos."

[flidflaz]

i meant "there," not "their"! :)

[flidflaz]

i think that courtship is the time to learn about your future spouse. to know their relationship with their families, friends, with money, whether they make short- and long-term goals and meet those goals. this is reflective of their character. and if you go into marriage not knowing these basic things, you didn't make an informed decision about who you'd be building your life with.

[spokenlife]

Once again, NEVER EVER in this video did I even SUGGEST that one DEPEND on the other.  If you listen carefully, this is about honesty, disclosure and PLANNING; NOT about how much you have! Not about choosing a mate BY what he or she has. LISTEN at least!

[akabigron]

I live alone in my HOUSE, I have My own car and everything that I need. But if I a women depends on me to support her financially, it mean that she is not responsible enough to take of her self. So she puts the responsibility on her men. If they are bother responsible, money should not even be issue. BLADAW!

[GemmyChoo]

Historically, men often married into the wealth of their bride's parents...this goes way back to ancient Greece and even ancient Egypt, for that matter. And this continued for sometime throughout history.

And I used to date a gold-digging guy (three times) in the past, unfortunately. They exist...it's just no one talks about it.

[matthewboydmilam1978]

why do these topics always engage in male-bashing?

[GemmyChoo]

I'd like for Americans to finally ban the cliched use of the word "bashing".  That and "urban".

Furthermore, I'm not insecure enough to equate a forum for discussion of mutual experiences with "bashing", so I can't really understand your comment. Nevertheless, I realize that this is a common tool men there use to keep Black women quiet. Let's ban that practice, as well, shall we? It's getting REALLY, REALLY old. Thanks.

[robyn2288]

cont..

I dont think asking about his financial status is out of the question at all. I'd expect him to ask me. It determines how well we'll be able to pay the bills and everything else.

[spokenlife]

Absolutely. I just clarified because some people took it as me saying that one should CHOOSE their mate by their financial status; a real misrepresentation of my words. So I'm sorry if I sounded defensive or something. :o)

[robyn2288]

This is a fantastic video. My mother and I were driving to the mall today and she told me "Robyn....if a man cannot provide for you...he isn't for you". She went on to say that....it's not that she WANTS a guy to provide for her. She just wanted him to be able to ....if the situation came up. I want someone who IS financially stable. I want someone who isnt hesitant about being generous.

[spokenlife]

That's cool, but that is not what this video is about. It's about honesty, disclosure, planning, awareness, fairness to each other and NOT expecting anything without discussing. It's about planned/partnered financial responsibility.

[Ravensinger]

I agree with you Robin. You have to be on the same wavelength with finances or there will indeed be problems. Yes, you need to be as informed as possible. It's not only about love! *smile* When you marry, you absolutely marry your mates credit record! I learned this the hard way.

[ForChangeMovement]

Good points. People also need to realize that a persons credit history will affect them once they are married. Plus it gives you some insight about the way that your mate handles their money. Credit reflects choices. A person who makes poor choices is more likely to have poor credit.

[matthewboydmilam1978]

If you've looked at the news lately, you'll find everyone in this economy is going to have poor credit.

[spokenlife]

Once again, NEVER EVER in this video did I even SUGGEST that one DEPEND on the other. If you listen carefully, this is about honesty, disclosure and PLANNING; NOT about how much you have! Not about choosing a mate BY what he or she has. LISTEN at least!

[matthewboydmilam1978]

This is what happens when you open a can of worms.

It usually turns out to be exactly that -- a can of...worms.

[Clarachk]

Perhaps a LOT, but not everyone. It's smart to learn about money, mortgages, credit, etc BEFORE you spend and later regret it. Many people get into financial trouble because they are uneducated about how $ works. If you research and learn, you'll probably be a lot better off as you'll be able to make wiser financial decisions. I believe learning is part of the responsiility.

[dejuanp]

damn, spoken my love...oooh these topics right now are engulfing. i'm over here talking about submissive white women as opposed to 'ain't takin' no mess' black women and you're talking about the 'credick...' lol. had to comment and favorite this one. going to check the guy's vid and your 'slave' vid.

[2bsirius]

I think I see a market nitch...Somebody needs to start a singles group that pre-screens possible love interests to make sure that any one you considering dating is economically viable. To be honest, I agree with you completely -- it is a complex issue. Unfortunately, money can't be ignored.

[Xelanderthomas]

Marrying into a big debt without a plan and committment to deal it is a big mistake. If one partner is a debter you can be in big, big trouble. And money breaks couples up more then infidelity. That's a stat. You are right. A knee jerk reaction to that is immature.

[Mokurentate]

If marriage and family were all about good credit, this society would quietly dwindle away to nothing. XD lol

[Xelanderthomas]

Well, it is! I don't know if you're aware of but the state families is not very healthy. It's not flourishing. Lot of dysfunction out there. And it has a lot to do with debt and all the fear and insecurities that come with it. peace - lol

[PerthPete1]

Hi Robin,

I really like this video. It is so mature, sensible, intelligent and logical talking not just about the size of the pay packet but about attitudes to money.

I especially liked your term financial responsibility because it sums up the situation of the person that might be earning a high salary but then spends or wastes it on buying the latest toys or gambling or similar.

Thanks,

[RadicalComedy]

I think anyone I am going to marry has the right to know about my credit and debts. Mine is horrible...but he would have that right as long as I think, (which I do) that our incomes, our living situation will entail our financial past. What they make, or income, is still there business but I wouldnt care. I have always loved the poor man,lol. I didnt try. It just happens. ~Raven

[portablejoe]

So true. It seems to me it's not about the money, it's about responsibility, like in ur example on student debt. How a person handles money also many times demonstrates their degree of discipline and ability to make decisions (buy or not to buy, "do i need this?"). $ is just 1 dimension of mating, but important..unfortunately :P

[Clarachk]

Great addition to the conversation. Responsibility.

[Xone7]

sponkenlife, you are 110% correct. Your view is the only responsible way of dealing with this matter. YES, money matters. It is a neccessary part of our lives. Bottom line. People should be on the same page financially speaking, should be in one accord.

[Kani87Shirin]

I totally agree, u dont have to marry somebody rich but u need to know these thing so u can plan it

[dejuanp]

well, hello my love. got your comment. what were you meaning...? about me not wanting to be your friend.

[justtwodollars]

Everything should be put on the table. This is why so many marriages end in divorce. You need to know everything about the person your marrying. Not just finance, but family, health issues, sexual background, their take on raising children, religion, politics and communicating, just to name a few. So ask as many questions as possible before marriage. (((JUS$2))

[matthewboydmilam1978]

something is in the water.

[rexlv2000]

The way I understand it is that he can ask about your finances but you are not suppose to ask about HIS. lol

[smileyousee]

Great video. Before my husband and i got married at our marriage class once of the topics we talked about in depth was finances. I think it is very important to discussed before getting married. You are 100% right that the number one cause of failed marriages is finances..

[Oddsweb]

this is so so so so true, none marrage relationships are much more relaxed. Where as marrage relationships are more blended from life in general to money and debt. Money, as in income, has such an impact in the goals and lives of the married couple. And yes most arguments are caused and based in financial problems. :¬D

[sweetesttaboo2k]

Very good advice, you have to know everything about the person you plan on marrying!

Much Love And Many((((Hugs))))

Sheryl:)

[LECLARA]

Although money is very important,

Money Doesn't Always Insure A Happy Marriage.

I know of many couples who have good credit & make extreme salaries, who unfortunately are

Very Unhappy.

I believe a good marriage is based on communicating on All Levels,

That includes finances,emotions & their goals!

It's all about growing together.

We all can do Bad By Ourselves,

that's an area where no one needs Help??? RIGHT?

[Bloodsport1]

Money don't have a damn thing to do with happiness.

[LECLARA]

Money Matters Sweetie,

But,

You're right in the end it Don't mean Shit!

Happy New Year!

[Clarachk]

More fantastic points. I agree 1000%. I also posted a comment.

[hannibaltharadio]

finances are a MAJOR issue... I think a man should be the man in a marriage, but in these days and times it takes two.. should it fall completely on one person? financials would be so much stronger if we did it together.

[GradieGreen]

I agree. Everything should be put on the table. This is why so many marriages fail. They don't know everything about the person. Finances are a MAJOR issue.

[windcu]

Great video!

[13thDimension]

indeed

[windcu]

I think good credit can tell how someone manage their money and even their lives. It's only bad when it's the primary reason for elopping.

[Nuru305]

This is good solid advise. is okay it I add it to 100blackfamilies.

[spokenlife]

Absolutely.

[Lethesunshine]

This is so true! I really wish this was taught in school under Life/Skills.

Never "Assume" that is the key word here.

Praying For Peace!

~Mimi~

[Mom2AJ]

great video! money matters a lot...you are so correct.