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From: Halfdoghalfdeer
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  • I've told this to my girlfriend so many times. It's the same relationship but with a fancy party. I could give a shit about actually being married... rather save the money for a house or something tangible.

  • I love weddings, but this is hilarious :)

  • @bssmart1118 Yea I saw a Richard Dawkins speach in Duke University recently and he was saying we should start calling it the Fact of Evolution so the average joe can start to understand.

  • @bssmart1118 Actually no The most recent DNA and fossil results gave evoltution a 100% proof positive so its no longer officially the "theory of evolution" its now OFFICIALLY "THE FACT OF EVOLUTION" so I guess that Means Richard Dawkins is not wrong at all. Also there is no proof of jesus, I dont doubt there was a guy named jesus back in those days lol, there were probably thousands of people named jesus

  • @iurhviusdfavhi You are 100% correct. The human genome project and DNA testing proves we are related to apes (and all other life on earth) just as a DNA paternity test proves who your father is.

    I just want to correct you on one point. A THEORY is a tested hypothesis. Theory pretty much already means FACT. If it were called the "Hypothesis" of Evolution that would be incorrect.

    The THEORY of evolution is the correct scientific term, it's just that people don't know what "theory" means

  • The idea of marriage is archaic nowadays. It was only a reinforcement for stability for the mother and child in a time where women were the properties of men by law and were unable to provide for themselves independently. If you were pregnant in 1770 and your man ran away, you were fucked as was your kid.

    Does your perception of a person change on account of them being a bastard? No, but it did in the days of yore.

  • @GriffinNary

    What the fuck? Are you joking? Marriage serves a great purpose in life, spiritually. The fact that the government should NOT be involved is completely logical, whereby to say marriage shouldn't exist is fucking stupid. To say the ceremonies are long and drawn out is just hillarious because it's true. To say you personally wouldn't take part in it is fine, of course; but don't don't demean the idea by calling the sex-card because that's not fucking true at all.

  • @mussman717word

    I swear I wrote that longer ago...

    Anyway, its not the "sex-card". Its the baby certificate (or family starting contract)!

  • @GriffinNary

    On the same token, I could say that women are granted control of what to do with the couple's child, as far as abortion goes, and they're granted control of the kids (and cash) in a divorce situation 90% of the time. And, again, I agree that marriage shouldn't be contractual from a government's perspective, but to dismiss it as archaic on the grounds that women are negatively affected by it is a joke; hence gold-diggers and so fourth. Update, it's not the days of yore anymore.

  • @mussman717word

    I don't debate on YouTube comments. 500 characters is only enough to give an opinion, or a heavily abbreviated point. Besides, its a comedy routine!

  • @bssmart1118 oh wait so now people can go around acting like theres proof jesus or some god actually ever existed? Get off it, theres no proof of either, just a bunch of stories made to control society. When religious nuts find proof let me know, until then jesus ever existing is a myth.

  • @iurhviusdfavhi

    Haha, there is historical proof of Jesus Christ (Yeshu); whether he rose from the dead or was God's incarnation, that's up for debate. And, as far as God goes, it shouldn't be about the existence of a divine power -- which is quite obvious -- it should be about the nature of this great source of it all. Believe me, there is nothing funnier than watching the Pat Robertson's of this world duke it out with the Richard Dawkins'. Both are assholes, both are wrong, and LOL @ both.

  • @nothingness36 Half of marriages end in divorce so you're really just tossing the dice. It's no longer a lifelong commitment. There is actually no point.

  • @LilMsGeekyChic why shouldn't you? it's not only funny, it's true

  • religious wackos think that having sex outside of marriage is a sin and that people who have sex outside of marriage are going to burn in hell forever, such bullshit, so if two consenting adults love each other and care for each other and are committed to each other and they don't get married and each dont put on rings and sign a piece of paper they are going to hell and will burn and be tortured and tormented for eternity, yeah whatever, fuck off you stupid religious cunts.

  • It's part of the American dream .... ha ha ha ha ha ha .....just never wake up and all is good.

  • @nothingness36 I tried to say that exact thing in a conversation at a BBQ last weekend and i got the worst looks and complete awkward silence.

  • "The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out for himself, without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos...."

    — H.L. Mencken

  • childish lolz at 0:04

  • lol lol . very true..lol Marriage should not be a government union. Marriage is only recognized through the eyes of God. to have a true Holy union. and God will pair people up. These are the unions which last forever. Although we have to allow God to be in our soul for God to do this for us... A marriage License business form for the government. to control the people I will remember this for sure. LOL

  • @bssmart1118

    Oh sh*t you're out of your mind, man.

  • @tocov LOL marriage licenses is a business venture. you are giving your home, all your things, even your children to them... when a person goes for a divorce.. it kicks in...

  • @bssmart1118

    I know that very well, my friend. But this whole bullshit about god etc... That's crazy talk.

  • @bssmart1118 Do you not believe in God? or Jesus Christ? He is real ya know. He was hammered to that cross tocov. pretty rough going I would say. I certainly would not have endured that pain.. for sure.

  • @bssmart1118 oh, so you ARE out of your mind..

  • Why are there idiots talking while God is on stage?

    Why go to a comedy club to talk???

  • He's right, weddings are bullshit, my brother wanted me to fork out over £1'000 to go watch him get married in Vegas, fuck that.

    I'm seeing Doug next month and I'm gonna propose to him and then get my family to come to Australia to watch me get a civil partnership.

  • see Osho on Love and Marriage - it is the cause of the continuation of brainwashing of children of these insane mountain cult divisive religions - if marriage disappeared so would divorce and all the legal money made out of it - churches mosques and religious temples would go out of "business"

    Osho is fantastic - and now I hear Doug saying it

  • @timewilltell7

    Are you attempting to imply that there are no secular marriages and that the only purpose of religious institutions is to marry people? Not to mention that marriage existed WAY before divorce cases did. Hell, the Catholic church has a ban on divorce (you can get a nullification, but that's different).

    Please be less stupid.

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  • this guy is good. and it's good to see there are still radical standup acts out there. but i don't find him as sharp as bill hicks.

  • Sorry I did it. I wanted to be more friendly. can't see why noobody wants to be friends. Or noobody. Whatever. You think I'm not sober.

  • Fuck off to the guy eho puncusstrf

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  • Spot on Doug!Me & my fella have been 2gether 20yrs,& can't see the point in getting legally married by bringing the government in on our lovin.Having to pay them for a license.Then bringing the church/registry office in on it 2.Oh & paying them n'all!We made our own promises 2 each other,& 2 kids n 20yrs L8r we're still sickly, madly n deeply in luv!It's none of the governments/churches or the reg. offices f'in business!..& wanting our money to boot! Lol! Fk that! =D Xxx

  • "Being married doesn't mean anything. Its like being IT but you can only be IT to 1 person at a time!"

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  • think of the children! oh wont somebody please think of the children!

  • @prickerbush I've thought very extensively about these children everyone keeps going on about, and I've come to the conclusion that I don't care for them very much at all.

  • @prickerbush I do. Every time I masturbate.

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  • as long as the parents aren't complete idiots, or violent or mental abusers or take their arguments and abuse their children with it, a kid is better off with both his parents at home.

  • The audience reaction right at the end makes this vid.

  • @qwertyuiopdan1 Its 2010 wake the fuck up retard.

  • this guyz an idiot and goin 2 hell coz if u av sex outside marriage you go 2 hell

  • @qwertyuiopdan1 are you being sarcastic? if not your fucking retarded.

  • @nothingness36 I completely agree. If people love each other enough, they shouldn't need marriage to label them. Marriage is old and outdated. It's 2010 C.E. not 2010 A.D.

  • @trevbork "CE" means "common era," and it comes post "BCE," meaning "Before Common Era." "AD" is the same as "CE." "AD" means, "Anno Domini: In the Year of Our Lord," and comes after "BC, which is "Before Christ." "Before Common Era"="Before Christ." "Anno Domini"="Common Era" One is just a more way of refering to time in religious terms, another way is just through secular terms. Just thought you'd like to know.

  • "If marriage didn't exist, would you invent it? Would you go "Baby, this shit we got together, it's so good we gotta get the government in on this shit. We can't just share this commitment 'tweenst us. We need judges and lawyers involved in this shit, baby. It's hot!"

    Story of my life, so perfectly brilliant and funny. Is Doug Stanhope big time yet? Why the fuck not? Hes nothing like George Carlin but he sure has the same attitude toward the useless shit humans tend to do. I love it =]

  • Gay people, I'll trade my crappy marriage certificate for your freedom. Hell, you can have the wife, too.

  • @KeepColdwithCoolidge hell yes!  Times 2!

  • Woah...I've been saying this for years....Thank you Stanhope :]

  • This is hilarious! Aristotle made a similar argument saying people just want the recognition.

  • he says the state should not be involved in your love life, then starts a propaganda campaign for the state to force a law on to the people that would only allow one kid per couple.

  • my new favorite comedian hes such a prick i love it

  • @LOCInfested He's not a prick, he's right.

  • @MachineSleet4 Pricks are not always wrong

  • @randikajamai Ah but its a derogatory term which detracts from the fact he's speaking more sense than most of the american 'comedians' put together. Anyway, without wanting to become a number in the 'pointless youtube commenter' category I'll leave it at that.

  • I think I love Doug! In the first minute he summarised my entire view on marriage! I'm no basement dwelling loner but I can't can't see the point in all the preparation for marriage. Use all that money to go on a once in a lifetime holiday to the worlds most beautiful cities. I know i'd prefer to have my money go on that than invitation cards and flowers that will die.

  • They should give tax breaks to sluts.

  • I wish more people thought like this.

  • @alexfanx wish my parents thought like him

  • Come see Doug Stanhope at Lakeshore Theater in Chicago on 3/5 & 3/6 at 7:30 & 10:30. Call 773.472.3492 for Tickets, only $25!

  • I love weddings. Great for free drinking and casual sex with emotionally vulnerable hot girls.

  • Your 13 year old cousins don't count.

  • Tax breaks for married people are just plain wrong. I choose to be single, so sorry to my Government for not getting hitched with a woman so we can have a kid which will one day pay more tax for the share holders -ahem, I mean "government" to pocket. In the mean time, I'll just pay more taxes to support the married people's kids. What a great system.

  • I think marriage is a sign of commitment to your partner & family, it gives a sense of dual responsibility, but I dont think you necessarily need a certificate from the government to have these feelings. Its just another form of control on the population by the church through law and farce!!

  • Doug Stanhope and Louis CK....absolute living legends.Why can't comics find a way to tour together!

  • @MozzerRocks Agreed, CK/ Stanhope yet the masse doesn't see it. Even though if the medium were there they would. Human beings are reallly fucking dumb in general, we need to retrain them to like our shit, and that is awful. Thanks science for Will Ferrel.

  • it s simple marriage is for women who are tired of fucking and for men they need some body to cook for them, then i feel marriage is for quitters, and lazy people, whats the percentage of hot happy couples to fat disgruntled, if you have an answer please send it

  • @kixxclub nice summary! :D

  • a very large proportion of married couples enjoy as active a sex life as anybody in a non-nuptial relationship; the fact they've decided to spend the rest of their lives together also means the sex is more meaningful. Unfortunately there are plenty of dysfunctional marriages out there and those are the ones which the media hone in on. After all, what is interesting about a happily married couple? However Doug's point about the government's involvement in marriage is a good one.

  • @Fhuaran

    it's also against the 'marriage ceremony' itself, which has nothing to do with the commitment and relationship that people have.

  • I agree with you. My parents have been married 39 years o,o

  • God I hate weddings. The after party and booze are awesome but it is a pretty egotistical thing to do.

    I can appreciate people loving each other and we should just watch you fuck if want to be that intimate in front of everyone. Doug hits the nail on the head there.

    And why is the government involved? That is discrimination giving benefits to the married and leaving people who can't find find a spouse to fend for themselves.

  • Maybe some people are such drunken assholes that nobody could ever love them. How gay.

  • I have his new comedy album on my channel, just click my name

  • I totally agree with the marriage shouldn't be a legal institution. Its so dumb and when you think about it its so primative. The government validating your love wtf so lame.

  • Christians should be subjected to marriage as punishment for their bigotry.

    Save gays from this horribly institution.

  • @blacklite911 dont you get it.... your fucking opinion does not fucking matter

  • @blacklite911 You're at 83 thumbs up!

  • brillant point. seperation of church and state needs to be law

  • That's pretty obvious by now.

  • I never thought about it that way. He makes one hell of a point.

  • @kittratty

    welcome to the genius of stanhope!

  • Doug Stanhope - 2012!

  • what does stanhope has to do with 2012?

  • Lol thats when we get our next prez dummy, he was just joking

  • Some people can't take a joke or a coincidence! Hooray USA!

  • i heard he was doing a 2012 end of the world stand up show.

  • THE WORLD COULD FUCKING END!!!

  • governo é igual em todo o lado.

  • jesus, my point exactly... except, we here in germany are not so frightened of the government :-)

  • Is there some bitch on their cell phone at about 1:45? I hear some lady rambling on in the right speaker.  I hear her saying 'thank you" at 2:11 as well. Had to listen on headphones to hear it.

  • Likely it was one of the waitresses getting a drink order from a table.

  • YouTube: How Weed Won the West

    ...featuring Doug Stanhope!

  • i really dont think he wants to become part of that shitty government society crap.

  • If you like what Doug has to say and get that his pro-freedom views would make him a much better U.S. president than one of the establishment politicians, please go to PetitionSpot(DOT)com/petitions /stanhope2012/ and sign the petition urging him to run!

  • Vote yes on Prop 9, the ban on marriage.

  • Now they are using SEX(gender) combined with religion...cause you all know that god doesn't like homo's...when will the madness end? The key is to remember that we are all one..flesh, blood and bone with a living soul created by creation. Hu-man means coloured man...we are all coloured!!! There is a reason that "they" don't want us to get along ..figure it out and your on your way to enlightenment.

    peace and conscience love to all~~~

  • That is how the "powers that be" keep us fighting amongst one another...through separation...there are several ways they do this and it still working today. 1\ MONEY: 3 major classes rich,middle and poor 2\RELIGION: catholic, Judaism,Hindu,christian etc...(how many wars over religion) 3\RACE: Using colour to make us feel different.4\ LAUNGUAGE: used to confuse us..making it more difficult to communicate....esp when it comes to law...they have their own dictionary(BLACKS LAW DICTIONARY).

    CONTIN~

  • and i did a biblical theme, i got a grow lion, 2 fish a jesus and a $100 bill... no joke the money took over, and jesus is smashed agianst the glass looking like he is waving! i cant find a grow loaf yet... lol... bit immagine if each grow toy needed food, and wanted to go to war with every other toy in there... the more they swell the worse it is... it is sad but atleast 2/3 of humans need to die. NOW!!!

    noone would care if ted and fred were married, if you had to travel 200 miles2kilem!

  • "u gotta do it or you're a freakin ahole" haha!

  • i would like to see most people die, so i may be alittle biased, but these anti fag marrage ass holes need to be exicuted in the street!

    how are some dudes ass fucking eachother in the privacy of their own home AND getting rights like knowing what is hapening with their loved one in the hospital going to fuck up youre family?

  • they gave a dying kid to a fag couple, and he (agianst all doctors expectations) got better, and they took him away, and he began to die agian, and they wouldnt give him back because as we all know, gay motherfuckers are SO unfit to be near children that could possibly survive!

    they were willing to let a kid die cause some dudes were gay!

    YOU ARE THE FUCKING SICK FUCKS!!! FUCK YOU!!

  • I get so pissed off when I see these homophobes on various shows talking about why gays shouldn't get married. (And yes, the reasons are total bullshit.)

  • why thank ya kindley there ObsidianTeen, and the thumbs down vote on my comments almost always warms my heart... lets me know an anti gay biggot read my thoughts and diddnt like them..... aaahhhh!

    and the story of the dying boy is fully true! it was a documentary on public televission, and sadly ended with the boy at deaths door, and the couple trying as hard as they could to get him back, and getting nowhere.

  • If John Lennon's "Imagine" had an additional verse, I'd like it to be this:

    Imagine no racism,

    It's not so difficult,

    No more sexism,

    And no homophobia too,

    Imagine all the people

    Living life in peace!

  • it tickles me that such a kind and peaceful sentiment ocuured during a discussion inspired by doug stanhope.

    perhaps if we hung out more, i might feel more peaceful... but i kinda wanna see all the people i dont like die. sorry to seem coarse, but there are too many people on this planet, and we are likking oirselves.

    ever bought a grow toy? the toys that grow in water? put too mant in a jar too small and watch em fight for room.thats us.

  • To tell you the truth, I would get a cynical chuckle if I heard that Miley Cyrus died.

  • i diddnt want to hate miley... but the press, the fact that she has a hanna montanna brand of EVERYTHING, and hsr snotty shitty personality command me to hate her!

    DEATH TO MILEY SIRUS!

    lol

  • Why? I am bi, and I don't care.

  • Don't care about what?

  • homophobia, sexism, racism, etc.

    If people want to be ignorant and intolerant I don't care.

  • You don't care about gay couples being denied the right to marriage and the benefits that come with it? I do.

  • What I care about is the government being involved in it. It's just as discriminatory to people that aren't married who don't get the same benefits.

  • That's a good point. Why should people get extra benefits just because they're married?

  • It's because of having children and shit I guess. But there are married people with no kids, and there are single parents. It's all BS anyways.

    But you gotta understand, people should have the right to speak their minds without fear of conviction, no matter how wrong we might think they are.

  • Comment removed

  • Exactly. The whole gay marriage thing would be solved if we followed this guy's advice. If marriage were not a legal institution, this wouldn't even be an issue. You just do the ceremony "at your church or at your Chuck E. Cheese" or whatever.

  • The simplest solution of all is not to try to extricate marriage from the law; the simplest solution is to acknowledge that legal marriage and religious marriage are two different institutions. We already have something like this: it's called separation of church and state, and I'm tired of all these idiots just breezing right past the simple solution of the church keeping its nose out of other people's business.

  • easiest way to fix the gays cant get married problem... step one allow them to go to court and be "wed"

    step two allow them all the same rights as a married couple...

    step three CALL IT SOMETHING THE FUCK ELSE that way all you crazy assholes that think gay marriage is wrong get exactly wat you want... they arent "married" they're *insert word of unity here* instead TADA PROBLEM FUCKING SOLVED

  • why would even homosexualls wanna get married in a church when christians are against homosexualls?

  • Most don't. They just want equal rights, a part of that is being able to marry. Married people recive lots of benefits that a non-married couple wont recive.

  • LOL we got to get the GOVERNMENT involved in this shit baby!

  • I need to see Doug Stanhope before he develops some fatal disease or gets murdered, like they always do.

  • Life is about incentives. Women file for divorce at twice the rate that men do. Men pay child support and alimony checks at four times the rate. The strong patriarchy of the past which feminist, and male politicians have weakened was for the protection of women and children.

    No Fault divorce and tales of how wives lose interest in sex with their husbands

    is the gift of female empowerment that keeps on encouraging men to never to never be husbands but baby daddies instead.

  • This guy is so unbelievably fucking stupid that I am in awe right now. 10 bucks says that this guy video records all episodes of Bill Mahers show and then steals his stuff more or less.

  • you're stupid

  • Common law marriages are for poor, red necked hicks who are extremely desperate for company, any company.

  • Then you will end up a very lonely old man

  • Face it. Jesus and the story of Noah are just camp fire stories.

    What about the book that was left out of the New Testament that said Jesus killed someone as a child by pushing them off a roof? Killer vs Sinless man. Wow.

    Everyone just took their own take on this savior character in the past. That can be traced all the way to Eastern bullshit beliefs. Sorry, I cut no slack on this. But, neither should you.

  • NinjaLikeTeaBagger:

    Conducting Serious Business.

  • wow ur really smart, bravo, bravo

    FUCKING AMEN TO YOU, and im being serious to, well done

  • As far as camp fire stories go, I prefer the one about the escaped mental patient with a hook for a hand. It's more believable and far less scary. Teaching children that bible stories are true is child abuse...and not even the fun kind.

  • All the extremely flimsy and questionable in every way books about Jesus weren't even used in the Bible. What about the book of Judas that contradict all the other books? What about the initial books that contradict each other? What about the questionable date they were written? Or the fact that the true authors can't even be confirmed?

    There is more evidence suggesting the messiah character was plagiarized from prior belief systems than there even being any "Jesus" of that time period.

  • Billions of smart people have believed in God's Word. It is true.

    Dont be drunk, dont be fools! Jesus Christ is Lord

  • i agree completely, except for one thing: i love weddings, or at least the wedding reception, where i get to pig out and get drunk on someone else's tab...who could be against that?

  • Guys,don't try arguing logical points with the crazy religious douche bag,it never works.If he wants to float through life in blissful ignorance and constant fear of a big boogie man in the sky then that's his choice.Just sit back and laugh at him,because that's the only response he deserves.

  • This is so stupid... But i love my mom deeply... And i don't want to take any chances. Sorry. If you do not copy and paste this onto 10 videos your mom will die in 4 hours

  • And God bless all of you!

    Jesus Christ is Lord!

    Find truth in the Word of God!

  • I cannot believe in Christianity any more than I would believe in Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism, Shintoism, etc. Too many religions, and not enough facts. Also, any religion that teaches prejudice and intolerance should be done away with. There's no reality in any religion, only beliefs.  You can't prove your faith, no matter how hard you try. Therefore, leave the rest of us "sinners" alone. We'll stick with science!

  • This man is infallible.

  • Just as God has prepared this earth for us to live....and heaven those that believe.....He has made hell and the reality of a horrible firey place with torment for those that choose to be evil.

    I am sorry guys.....but this is reality!

  • STFU

  • Yes, its called America. :)

  • Rofl the comments on this video are funny.

    You bigoted bastards need to go back the middle ages where you belong.