Sopranos Joke Book

[ViceCityVacation]

Junior was the only one who could pull off a rehearsed, constructed joke and Paulie was the best at breakin balls and being funny without meaning to be. The rest were about as funny as a prime time show starring Andy Dick, Tom Greene and Paulie Shore....Oh my lord, coul you imagine that? It would be the only thing, that could bring this world to a premature end!!!

[RobViner1]

The best joke is the acting.

[MissBaybz]

What DID one prick say to the other prick?

[8888888A8888888]

@MissBaybz nothing.. they were both stuck-up cunts :)

[texasB666]

"If you grab onto Jinny Sack, your fuckin' hands will disapear."

[StupidFuckingTrolls]

When Ginny Sack goes camping, the bears have to hide their food.

[b00rak]

Not all jokes included, but still a great collection.

[316greg]

Just when i thought i was out.......they pull me back in!!!!!!

[jasonolds442]

You need to get the two bulls on the top of the hill "why don't we walk down and fuck em all" in this, as it was actually a major plot factor in season 1.

Great collection, however.

[MuttJohnson]

You should really include the guys saying all the ginny sack fat jokes.

[born2destroy90]

My favorite show of all time. This is soap opera for men.

[BaileysMariner]

They forgot to include my favourite one, which actually appeared twice in the show. - "This is the pig I've been fucking." - "that's not a pig, it's a duck." - "I wasn't talking to you."

[mariella13579]

haha i love tony's face after anthony says "you heard it before"

[niloh96]

I love Chrissy and Paulie the most,and how Paulie repeats his jokes all the times

[mandolinhooper]

I love that he tells the dildo joke to Pussy.

[ViceCityVacation]

@mandolinhooper BUDDA BOOM *TSSHHH* Double entendreeeeeeee........

[TheWitchOvAgnesi]

1:32 Perfect example that made men could say and do things that would get others instantly whacked. Silvio showed great restraint.

[ProducShuns]

"you hear dat? I said, you remember your first blow job? He said yeah. I said how long did it take for the guy to cum? EH HEH HEH HEH HEH"

[ProducShuns]

"cause you'll make the dead people jealous..."

livia soprano: you little piece of shit

[porn1978]

aj sucked

[DJFitness919]

Bobby was such a fuckin buzzkill, my god.

[mulehead126]

You figured *I* was a fag??? Weirdo??? Who's the dickhead who called someone a "poor little fuckhead first", asshole? WTF brought that on anyway? Go smoke a pole...

[Myriam9943]

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[mulehead126]

Girl tells her boyfriend to "kiss me where it smells"...so he drove her to New Jersey...

[cousinbebop]

I love the implantation of ideas. "Our true enemy is yet to reveal himself" Just before they discovered Pussy was a rat.

[mulehead126]

Best part about Paulie telling the joke twice is he even laughs the exact same way the second time.

[mulehead126]

Sexually naive Italian boy's got no idea what to do on his wedding night, his old man says "Put the biggest thing you got where's she's got the most hair"...so he put his nose in her armpit...

[mrtundra45]

@mulehead126 did your mommy cheat on your daddy with an big Italian Man? poor little fuckhead LOL

[mulehead126]

@mrtundra45 No mrtundra, but you could suck my dick...never mind, your Mom gave me a blow job already, you fucking asshole.

[mrtundra45]

@mulehead126 I fugured you were a fag.... nice try weirdo.......get a life! -__-

[ThaaWhiteShadow]

Big pussy looks like he's taking a shit when he's laughing

[stussymishka]

lmfaoo the cataract joke

[iriswasapupil]

well done

[SUPERSAIYANLUNATIC]

Guy comes home to his wife with a duck under his arm, he says "This is the pig I've been fucking." his wife says "That's not a pig it's a duck." The guy says "I wasn't talking to you."

[groffel123]

@SUPERSAIYANLUNATIC lmfao

[1FriedrichBarbarossa]

@SUPERSAIYANLUNATIC thats a good one. thanks. lol

[Bashri]

3:30 hahahha

[OpTicxMoDz]

HOLY COW LOOK AT ALL THOSE FUCKING INDIANS

[ehabq]

How long did it take for the guy to cum, loooooool

[simmy0987]

"Im gonna go get the papers, get the papers"

[Superboy316KING]

"take the pacifier out of his ass" hilarious

[upyanuts]

Whad the potato say to the hooker? ... I- DA- Hoe.

[Zawzagez11]

@upyanuts Geez man, that was terrible

[david292978]

what does the prick say to the other prick?

[Kryptsanies]

@david292978 Nothing they were both stuck up cunts. Classic one hahaha

[tehBLAX]

@Kryptsanies haha

[ThisIsMischa]

Just when I thought I was out, THEY PULLED ME BACK IN!! Lol, just like Scarface :D

[OdiseyThe]

@ThisIsMischa God Father 3 mabey you should go watch ScarFace.

[shortieetnies]

@ThisIsMischa HAHA FAIL, ITS IN GODFATHER 3, HAHA

[laaspen]

tony steak made me hungry for meat!

[charlestonchewy]

Junior told the best jokes!

[buggeazy102]

I CAN SEE YOUR HOUSE FROM HERE LOL

[joshspinks]

I get it, he drives a lincoln.

[MegaHorg]

Tony's steak in the scene with Pussy looks awesome!

[Flashwar]

Just wait till we take the pacifier out of his ass... hahahahaha

[VonLeenknecht]

so what did the prick say?

[Flashwar]

@VonLeenknecht "Nothing, they were both stuck up cunts!"

[Flashwar]

@Flashwar this one is funnier:

Q: What did the prick say to the balls?

A: You guys hang around here while I go inside!

[jordyvanbuel]

"Our true enemy.. has yet.. to reveal himself" notice the quick shot of Pussy after Silvio says this. That's the genius of the Sopranos.

[StyrbjornStarke]

If she dont like the slippers she can go fuck herself

[buffalobilly]

is that vito getting a lapdance in the background at raphie's joke?

[Charlmes]

"What's that got to do with chicken farming?", he asks. The Whore says, "Last year I raised over five thousand cocks". - Junior Soprano.

[sonnyred5050]

I drive a 2005 Caddarac El Diablo.

xp

[beaviskeavis]

is it just me or is tonys accent totaly different in the first joke ,

[mrchrisince]

@beaviskeavis he gets bigger during the series makes him talk different

[MsEUPHER]

Freakin' Paulie Walnuts.

[Happyduderawr]

lmao i love how paulie always tells his jokes twice

[chillcrewgodfather]

Ralphie is a smuck, good job that Tony kills him...

[theporksicle]

lol @ 3.40 jokes at a funeral. Imagine actually doing that, standing around cracking jokes at someone's funeral.

[bobby4500]

oh my god

bobby killed juniors joke ^^

[clayp72]

Uncle June is the man.

[descenttoheaven909]

Old man Soprano always tells good jokes.

[gofaqyosef]

Rincoln Continental

[guytoncm19]

I get it...he drives a Lincoln...what?

[kalacnat]

big puss really enjoyed all the gangs jokes quite thoroughly , look at him laugh!

[Rummity]

I love the joke, i forget who, tells about Jenny Sacrimoni.

"Shes soooo fat that when they go camping the bears have to hide their food!"

[NemesisProgram2]

@Rummity I'm a big fan of the one "She's so fat, 2 guys could fuck her at the same time, and they'd still never meet." Hahaha

[newfarm1990]

haha, they pull me back in!

[nauticazn25]

rich man and poor man joke is my favorite

[Whyrweherereally]

1:50 the background lol..

[Whyrweherereally]

1:30 to 1:48 lmao

[southernprep5]

i like the jokes about junior eating pussy better than most of those

[DBDBNB]

4:53 ahaha

[BadaBing321]

''ia hear about the Chinese Godfather...he made them an offer he couldnt understand''.... bahahaha

[sleeplessinsale]

Jimmy Altieri in Season 1 after Jackie died and the captains sat around discussing who should take over. One captain suggested a committee-type setup. Jimmy's response : 'What this thing needs is one supreme commander at the top, not the Dave Clark fucking Five' LOL

[tehBLAX]

i dont know!!!!!! :( LOL

[ddoggs2008]

best show ever on tv

[Stigmableedingblack]

The best joke isnt in this vid.

Feech: So there I am, with my shoe in her snatch

Tony: And then it falls off and she dies, kippotz! *holds his nose*

[makalevis]

i dont get phil's joke either, matter of fact phil leotardo was one of the most boring characters from the tv show. to me he was just annoying

[bonersutube]

the Sopranos were by far the BEST tv show EVER. i dont care what you say, because its true. ahaha

[Stargreened]

A Priest checks into a posh hotel and when he gets to his room he notices a TV beside his bed. This concerns his as to what improper content might be on it so he goes down to the receptionist and asks her "is the pornographic channel disabled?"

"No" she says "It's normal porn you sick bastard"

[StrengthOfSamson]

i get it he drives a lincoln

LOOOOOOOOOL

[sleeplessinsale]

@StrengthOfSamson I'll never forget Bobby's reaction to that. So stoic. Brilliant!

[t4si0r]

So, what did one prick said to second one?

[orjad]

@t4si0r

Nothing, they were both stuck up cunts.

[mahavishnuxc]

@t4si0r "hey would you like to CUM along for THE RIDE?" - i dont know, my guess.

[RichyJA]

Man if I was eating like these guys who knows how big I would be right now but I know Id regret when I look@my old pics of my muscles and abs

[tehBLAX]

i dont knowwwwwww. lol! fucken crazy guy

[Weslo2]

@tehBLAX lmao that part had me rolling

[JSM9393]

3:30 hahahah

[Tonyfaster]

Pussy has horns in the background at 0:59

[robotracking]

First joke by Tony with Puss was in Series 2, Vol 5, just after that kid was found and shot by the two of them. Nice to see that Tony still has the balls to carry out such things back then.

[dicksr4chicksss]

2 fags were visiting the zoo, when they found themselves at the gorilla cage. The gorilla was sitting there with an erection. The first queer reaches inside the cage and tries to touch his cock. As soon as his arm goes into the cage the gorilla grabs him, takes him into the cage, slams him on the floor and ass fucks him hard. A few days later in the hospital the fag's boyfriend visits him and said, "Does it hurt?" "Hurt?" he replied, Of course it hurts. He hasn't phoned or written me :(

[rebeline]

tits the old joke 'why was the ground white at Custer's Last Stand?'

[akillingjoke]

Paulie repeating the joke again is fuckin' hilarious.

[anar24]

Even Johnny Sacks laughs!

[Rory10304]

I get it.....he drives a lincoln

[Duecemoney1]

I can see your house from here. Beautiful

[krime1988]

"You hear about the Chinese Godfather? He made them an offer they couldn't understand." LMAO hahaha Uncle Junior is a slick motherucker.

[xixcanezxix]

if she don't like the slippers, she can go f*** herself

hahaha

[ghana25]

Hesh' joke is the funniest

[Newbpwng]

@ndenn002 lol i remember that one it was that russian undead guy that no one knows what happened to him, i was fucking laughing my ass off at that 16 czechoslovakians when i was watching the show.

[barrygreene007]

see when sil says ''are true enemy has yet to reveal himself'' and the camera flicks to pussy,,rat fuck

[gavincorrea]

I get it...he drives a Lincoln. What?

[Sweezelballin]

2 fags lmfao

[rmazing]

yeah i get. He drives a lincoln.

[bigfootgunot]

the anybody who disliked this video can fuck themselves with the poor wifes dildo.

[LIVE4LA]

You forgot the best one when Murmur says a man comes to his wife with a duck in his hand and say " this is the pig I've been fucking" so his wife says " this is a duck not a pig " then he says " I wasn't talking to you ".

[Shotolicious]

haha, the one with the blind man is too funny

[Tallica4Life1]

i love the way paulie tries to impress tony by repeating the joke to him

[AbnoNothing]

"What did one prick say to the other prick?"

Then Carmella goes on to say to Tony: "You see that? You see what happens with you cursing at the dinner table?"

Anyone got that joke? Cuz I think it's freakin hilarious!!

[lobster800]

theres a great joke in Pine Barrens from Bobby Baccala-"I went out bear hunting one time, and I saw a road sign saying "bear left". So I turned around and went home"

[3of11]

Yeah, he drives a Lincoln!  haha joke was funny, him not getting it was just as funny!

[TRAVISTA87]

My summers are just not the same without watching the sopranos

[Hoodbeats]

the end is great haha you hear somebody taking a sip of the cola light

[tyronesinclair]

Paulie...LOL always repeating himself...PAULIE TWO TIMES

[Don0chi0cho]

i never get ralphy's joke can anyone tell me ? that one that start at 1:48 sec..i dont get it

[Quackerson]

@Don0chi0cho

It's a reference to the Battle of Little Big Horn.

[makalevis]

@Don0chi0cho mrs costy wanted a painting to commemorate her husband's last thoughts, and the painter made one with cows and indians making love( fucking). the painter explains that those are her husband last thoughts: "Holy cow! Look at all those fuckin indians!" meaning he got killed by indians. capisci?

[PlaceOfOrigin]

@makalevis Mrs Custer not Mrs costy

[TwiztidFreak86]

@Don0chi0cho Yeah Custer's last stand when he and his men got slaughtered at the Battle of the Little Big Horn...C'mon...

[makalevis]

@Don0chi0cho i dont get junior's at 1:05. ralph's joke: the guy's last thoughts were "holy cow, look at all these f-ing indians" meaning he got killed by them.

[BlueyIsKing]

@Don0chi0cho fighting indians in the US Calvary the husband was.

[Gambino199]

@Don0chi0cho its not really funny but ralphie is saying that custard said "holy cow look at all those fuckin indidans" as they were attacking and overunning custards men, but the painter took it as holy cows as in from heaven and fuckin indians as indians actually fucking lmao

[SirLilpooperz]

Listen to it 1 more time. It's a picture of cows with halos (holy cow) and Indians making love (fucking Indians) hence the joke "Holy cow! look at those fucking Indians!"

[SmackNcrack01]

@Don0chi0cho general custers last thoughts when he saw the american indians charging him at little big horn.

[pajero5x]

@Don0chi0cho

Are you serious?? Cows with halos?? - holy cow,  indians making love - f**kin indians..... duuuuuuhhhhh.....

[TheBhoycey]

@Don0chi0cho then your a fukin dickhead

[Don0chi0cho]

@TheBhoycey lol im not from america.. why the fuck should i know the history of a country who they kill the natives in there land... we have natives in my land.. but we never massacre there children and there wifes

[Joefonzgoldenarms]

@Don0chi0cho lots of ralphies jokes are good long stories that u only hear the end of he tells one at jeckies funeral party which was on a&e this morning which i didnt get that sounded funny...

[Joefonzgoldenarms]

@Don0chi0cho anyway the joke is general custers wife, after his death wants a painting of his last moments on earth so the painter goes away for a few days comes back with a picture of a bunch of cows with halos over their heads and a bunch of native american's having sex... and ralphie tells the rest

[MrWAR424]

What the fuck did that prick say to the other prick

[caddy1119]

Thanks iwin18

[caddy1119]

lol "u fuckin skifusa" if anyone knows what that is please let me kno. Thats some funny shit.

[iwin18]

Schifosa - It just means ugly woman.

[BasketBoffalora]

@caddy1119

Actually is "SCHIFOSO", which in italian means dirty bastard.

When pronounced with a southern italian accent it sounds like that ah ah.

Sorry for my english, I am italian.

[CashForGash]

hahahaha

Love how Juniors jokes are deadpan lol

[poops1]

it was obvious even from the very beginning that pussy had a rat in him, he just seemed like a fake kiss ass all the time

[CashForGash]

always found Ralphie irritating, loved it when Tony let him have it in the kitchen.

[appleshape]

Paulie is ridiculously funny.

[wilky1189]

4:29 it's Miles from LOST!!

[etech87]

did you know paulie was in the Colombo crime famely.

[nicodemoscarfo]

He was hardly an associate from what I read.

[orangeoctober33]

Yeah I just found that out myself. He was connected to the columbos while Carmine Persico was the boss. He also did 2 prison terms before he turned to acting. It's crazy.

[SteelC1tyK1ng]

@orangeoctober33 He was only an Associate calm down.

[MacGyverTheDon]

@orangeoctober33 He had been arrested twenty-eight times.

[Stan1208]

How long did it take for the guy to cum?

LOL

[shogunMR]

lol

[moparmonster1965]

This one didn't include the one about the flowers and the vase.

[CJS5800]

@moparmonster1965

True. Something about this one always made me laugh. Definitely a tough omission.

[pruropp]

haseedem i see um but i dont believe em lol OHHH!!

[evilpig123go]

U fucking shkifuza

[benpg]

LOL gotta love paulies dinner manners!

[BigJota]

LOL AT "RINCOLN CONTINENTAL"

[pearlab23]

badda bing badda boom

[apark02]

bobby boccalari is such a blockhead

[CashForGash]

I like him, although I thought the train set and hat was a bit odd, guess they need SOMETHING fun and different though :)

[sorton1963]

Junior's lines are hilarious.

[noedig1000]

thats sick how these dudes always had some fine hoes wit them n i dnt meen at the bing real gangsta shit always keep a chick under ya arm

[idideroo]

real gangsta? all these guys are cowards

[stankupdaplace]

@idideroo Who these actors are cowards??Why are they?? Or did you mean the fictitious characters they are playing.??Or do you mean real mafia guys from Jersey or just all mafia guys in general??

[idideroo]

the characters are cowards dipshit, of course im not talking about the actors themselves, they are portraying mafia/criminals in real life, all are cowards, thats the point of this series, theres nothing tough about them

[Hoodbeats]

@idideroo

u the real g here aint you?