Bipolar or Waking Up? 4 of 5: Exit Strategy

[azrhearose]

Tell me how you have delt best with the adversities of life that would bring anyone down? For me because of my diagnoses, I feel it 10x's more than those without this condition. Everything goes very dark, all spiritual knowledge and awareness goes out the door and it is the most agonizing way of living due to the state that I am in that IS beyond all my power.

[EyesofGeisha]

I've seen tons of people with psychosis in my city (Ottawa). We have a slew of psychiatric hospitals here. What does it mean when people are stuck in that state? What has happened spiritually?

[bipolarorwakingup]

@EyesofGeisha What it means is that we are in the middle of a very difficult spiritual awakening, and nobody knows what they are doing, or what to do about it, except for me and a few doctors that nobody pays much attention to. See my website, .bipolarORwakingUpDOTcom for more details.

[dddbreak]

Thank you for doing this, it really helps.

[wonderhappyness]

is bi polar disorder a evolution into a new state of perception?

[umadcuzimstylin]

@wonderhappyness I think so. I became manic after tweaking a very advanced yogic practice over a month ago and go back into that state every day and love it. That is even the word I use when I think about it, it feels like Im evolving. Its funny the third day in a row that I went into that state I wondered what would those psychiatrists call this and down play this as and I read that on the 3rd day of experiencing this I should be diagnosed as bipolar and the state is mania.

[xcenter126]

Hi, would you help me?

I didnt understand so well your video, so please if you can explain to me. Its though very interesting,

Did you have halucinations?

what was that? do you really speak with god, do yoy was in dream or what?

Im taking medications since my 14 but now im 20, and its really tough.

I diagnosed with BPD but now i think that i have Bipolar D. because i have mood swings and anger.

Did you taken medication or did it help you?

do you now taking medication"?

how is possible thatucure

[deirdreofthesorrows]

Looking back at my experiance i could have been in the hospital 3 days not 3-4 weeks if i kept my mouth shut :P

[bipolarorwakingup]

@deirdreofthesorrows And if I talked, I might STILL be there! :D

[deirdreofthesorrows]

@bipolarorwakingup I hear that! , i remember talking to a fellow patient at the time asking 'how long have you been here?' she said 9 months, i thought 'shit' whatever she's doing is getting her no favours

[EnergyOM]

Sean, you know what's funny for me, you look like a therapist i once was. But you really understand what i expierenced.

[ngoca11]

Hey, after 1 year of doing this alone...I am so glad i have finally found someone else who have been through this experience too. Thank you for sharing and reaching out.

[jentheartist1]

no meds ever worked for me either and the years i spent as highly bipolar gave me an insight into life that is rare and i believe can be a gift for an individual. However anyone who has dealt with it knows it is very difficult to live with and at times can be pure hell. I finally found out what was wrong - i was allergic to gluten in food- thats it! I have been gluten free and consequently med free and healthy for over 6 months now. Please research food allergies if you are suffering.

[bipolarorwakingup]

@jentheartist1 You are not the first person I've heard that came off gluten and healed. It's great to hear it from someone else.

[redcomet2010]

@jentheartist1 wow congrats on that I wish my solution to this hypomanic anxiety disorder I get was that simple lol

[jentheartist1]

no meds ever worked for me either and the years i spent as highly bipolar gave me an insight into life that is rare and i believe can be a gift for an individual. However anyone who has dealt with it knows it is very difficult to live with and at times can be pure hell. I finally found out what was wrong - i was allergic to gluten in food- thats it! I have been gluten free and consequently med free and healthy for over 6 months now. Please research food allergies if you are suffering. God bless

[emanations]

I'm not sure what the point of my rambling is. I guess I'm just reaching out to you because I'm pretty sure if I went to a doctor and said to him what I said to you, they might put me on meds. (Pretty weird behavior on the part of doctors). One of the guidelines I've latched onto with this sort of stuff is: "Inwardly drunk, outwardly sober". Like, I can talk to people like you who are very articulate, very "there" and very sane. But I try not to talk to other people about it. Cheers.

[bipolarorwakingup]

@emanations I think a guy with your sensitivity should avoid meds and shrinks entirely. Keep with the meditating. It sounds like scary shit may surface for you, perhaps in the meditation or in your dream state when you sleep. See it all as a healing process and you should be OK. Good luck man.

[emanations]

@bipolarorwakingup: What you are doing is VERY much appreciated and extremely valuable to me and I'm sure many others. Perhaps, it's not my place to say this, but I do believe I'm seeing somebody who's found their soul's path. Very REAL and authentic, speaking about the transcendent with little self consciousness. Very, very good. Just listening to you seems grounding. Thank you again for your service and God bless.

[emanations]

@bipolarwakingup(part2) It was pretty amazing. Somehow, through the affirmation of teachers exterior to myself I've been able to have these healing episodes of bliss. The challenge, of course, is integrating the experiences with my ego. During the experience I told you about, my "presence" was there and I watched my ego say: "Holy shit! This is incredible." and then I proceeded to get up and smoke a cigarette. Yes, I got up out of perhaps the most blissful state I will ever be in to smoke.

[bipolarorwakingup]

@emanations Sounds like you were afraid. That´s ok., but opening up to the fear is the key to transformation.

[emanations]

@bipolarwakingup: thank you for your service. I'm not sure if I have what could be called a mental illness. I think all this stuff is rather relative. Depression, definitely or perhaps chronic anxiety. I've taken Prozac very shortly but quit soon thereafter. Basically, I've been working on present moment awareness (Eckhart Tolle style). I had an experience while practicing body awareness meditation where I felt dissolved and absorbed by the room and my consciousness was everywhere I could see.

[bipolarorwakingup]

@emanations Perfect. IMO, what you are doing is EXACTLY what you should be doing.

[acuna13]

Hi Sean, First of all thank you for having the courage to make such open videos about yourself and having the willingness to help others.

I have yet to see a doc.. but Ive always suspected that I was different, sometimes even feeling like a black sheep. I dont have as serious episodes like others do but I do have the anxiety and depression issues from time to time, not to mention sleeping problems. Whats your opinion on getting "officially" diagnosed and your thoughts on the matter.

[bipolarorwakingup]

@acuna13 My opinion on getting diagnosed? Watch all of my videos and then make up your own mind! :D

[jaeou812]

3/3: handle a psychosis and since then I have gone through a couple of episodes both with and without meds, depending on the severity of the situation. At age 19, I needed the help of a hospital and meds. The only problem was, I went to the wrong hospital and was put on the wrong meds (the ones I use today did not exist back then!!!). Noone deserves to be physically restrained or chemically restrained with Thorzine/Haldol !!! People deserve only treatment given with informed consent !!!

[jaeou812]

2/3: if not fatal, to the individual or others. Not everyone, as you know, is ready to go through the cycle of mania, psychosis, and depression when the first episode of the disorder/illness manifests itself. A young person is more fragile than you were at the age bipolar disorder first hit you. You had your bearings and rode the current, I have done that myself with no meds, but I DO NOT recommend it for less emotionally mature people. At 32, I was emotionally more fit to understand and

[bipolarorwakingup]

@jaeou812 BIngo, see my videos 20-22....That theory fits exactly what you are saying.

[jaeou812]

1/2: I do not think any beneficial possibilities of the psychotic experience/manic episode disappear because you have to take meds. Meds do not have to be permanent, or harmful if given properly and in the right dosages. I did recoil in fear during my first manic episode at age 19, and I sunk into a great depression. Without meds Lord knows where that depression may have led me. Sometimes, the "reality testing" someone tries during a psychosis or subsequent depression can be harmful

[utube3215]

I fucking HATE my parents. I'll never forgive them for the shit they put me through.

[utube3215]

I was in 5. My last one I was 16. 50 days and was then sent to a residential for 3 months. I lost my mind. Went to a naturopath. Take natural medicines now and am feeling normal again. I never would have been hospitalized if I never took those medicines. I was 16 and NEVER once bought into believing I had an illness and needed meds.

[utube3215]

@utube3215 When I say I lost my mind I mean seeing what they do to people and the madness that goes on in those places made me lose my mind. My parents did not understand and told me that i was insane and should kill myself. I was talking about how psychiatric medicines cause brain damage and they looked at me, screamed in horror, and locked me into an institution. Yet they are working class "normal" citizens...I hate them with all my heart. They ruined my life. From 154-17 yrs old.

[XxSuicideScenexX]

how can I lose my ego and find the real me, right now the pyc is having me take 3 different medications, 1 depakote, 2 topamax, and I don't remember the 3rd one, I have been labeled OCD ADHD bipolar ODD and more, I tried telling the doctor I DON'T wanna take the medications and what about other methods but he shrugs them off and says I just need to keep taking the meds. ALL I want is to get off the meds (witch I stoped taking behind most peoples back) and just want to live life happy, also how

[lykopis]

the comparison of enlightenment to the manic episode and them being fearful made me think of -- someone who was snuck a hallucinogenic and them freaking out and thinking they're going crazy .. Whereas if they themselves had knowingly taken it - it would be a joyous experience.

(I know ppl have bad trips etc not saying that doesn't happen - just that this comparison fits his comparison- IMO)

[lennon010]

Thank you sooo much for this! I myself have never experienced bi-polar, but I have felt "depression" . In a clinical sense, I would define it as depression but I neverssaw it as pathological. Rather, I viewed it as a spiritual yearning for understanding. Recently, I have began work in the psychiatric field and feel that my small experience has given me a great sense of humility when it comes to interacting with those dealing with "mental illness". This video has given me so much insight :)

[keldude83]

Sean (or Shawn?) currently I'm living in Boulder (I made a video response earlier) and I feel another wave of mania coming on after watching your videos because they inspire me so much and reinforce that I'm having a spiritual awakening rather than an illness. This mania is usually treated by hospitilization and I was wondering if there are other places in the United States or beyond that have opened up to better ways of dealing with this stuff. I know this is new territory but do you know?

[bipolarorwakingup]

@keldude83 So far, nowhere. In truth, I´m having my doubts it a clinic situation will every happen. Nobody has the guts. I´m hoping that, eventually, I´ll have a strong enough structure online that bipolar people can support eachother. I´ll be opening an online social network in a few months.

[tubercelli]

"in-ter-pet" the ter refers to terra or earth. so the way we interpret or Process determines weather we are forced back into identifying with the earthly reality or weather we can float around some more in that God space of ego-less reality just a few more minutes... what a shame the Doc and others do not give us the space and time to explore some more and then report... Thank God for your brothers wise response

[bipolarorwakingup]

@tubercelli I think if everyone got just 48 hours more of space to work through stuff, we´d be in a much better place!

[prisonshadows]

did you ever experience time loops?

[bielvietnam]

They 26th May 2010 I was droved to a psiq hospital because the psico didn t understand me how happy i was. I was there for one month (leaving the centre some days during the stage). Now, I still m taking the pills (depakine) but I m convinced i had a spiritual wakingup. Thank you very much for the videos.

xxx

[abcaug27]

Thank you for sharing your experiences. This helps so much. I am going through my journey and I have been growing closer to the Holy Spirit and I also read the bible with eyes so different.... It is a growing and pruning process. So much more makes sense..... Truth will make you free, it can be painful but easy with the right spiritual truth and friends and a lot of true prayer.

[bipolarorwakingup]

Thank you and good luck on your Quest. I love the part about reading the bible 'with different eyes'. That's what it is all about.

[infoanalysis]

Why does sleep equate with death for the bipolar in a manic epsiode?

[bipolarorwakingup]

Actually,, I remember reading that people in the middle ages used to sleep sitting up because sleep reminds them of death. I don't know if that story is true on not. For me, I actually see the realm of sleep as very similar to the realm of death!

[HappySkyDiver33]

amazing! thank you very much for reflecting that to us all. :)))

[notartnow]

While in this state I realized that the whole reason space-time exists is for consciousness to communicate. Therefore it is our duty to interact with others and have respect and compassion. Experiences like this enable us to connect.

[daanisch]

The colapse of ones ego means that he is content with what he has. that the desire of wanting more for the sake of being better than everyone else, no longer exists, and thus there is no longer a reason to continue the daily ritual of, "fighting to be better than everyone else" anymore. The loss of this ritual in our lives leaves us with all the time in the world to discover the individual, and collective purpose of our existance.

[daanisch]

And to understand the true purpose of our existance is the meaning of enlightenment. With all this time in the world for spiritual enlightement you can lose your sense of time, since there isn't any need for a routine in one's life. Because it was designed to make our lives easier to achieve our ambitions and goals. In my observations i have discovered that time is an illusion created by our life's routines.

-Daanisch Tahir

Note: This is my explaination to what he means by loss of ego.

[bipolarorwakingup]

I think your explanation is pretty good. My experience though is that, unless we are in psychosis, we will always have an ego there. Its just that it get broader, more open and allows for greater freedom of soulful expression. So you move closer to the ideal you just described, but probably never quite arrive at a completely enlightened state 24 hours a day. We all have our moments. But you are right, ambition and goals diminish in importance. We are not so caught up in the game.

[psychawareness]

bipolarwakingup:

The similarity of our manic experiences is unbelievable. I came to many of the same conclusions.

[gofindyoursaint]

amen!

[AbhijatX]

I have been healing well though with no meds by just using rational thought. Not believing in God or fate makes life much easier and makes there be much less anxiety. The only thing I know is true is now. Everything else is irrelevant to our condition.

Your videos have helped me very much though. I have a great psychologist who has also been through similar things so he understands and dose not put me on meds. He even recommended me to read A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle

[bipolarorwakingup]

For what its worth, I see the world exactly as Tolle does, with almost no disagreement. God is not soley personal. In the buddhist sense, god IS NOTHING. But the nothing is something!

[AbhijatX]

I have been through my own manic experience. Ive never been hospitalized or on medication though there were times when I could have been but thankfully I had understanding friends who didn't think I was crazy. I also had the feeling of being in contact with God. I no longer believe that I was as strongly because I have found it makes me go into those states more often. I am leaning towards that there is no truth and it just being an interpretation of an altered state of consciousness. .

[bipolarorwakingup]

Being contacted by God is not the problem (and I feel is a blessing). The trouble is when our ego gets attached to the thought, and it becomes a part of us. We start to think we are above humanity. That is where the problem is. We just need to be greatful and let go.

[sweeetly]

..this is the first time iv'e heard anyone really confirming this..I know some really beautiful ppl who have had this experience and seen it as a spiritual awakening. I have always believed it to be true..Big love and respect to you..

[MsChrispy]

That's how they treated me too when I was in the psych ward and manic. They just kept giving me more and more Seroquil and Adivan to calm me down, but it never worked. No one would talk to me either. I would pace around to the point of getting blood blisters on my feet and they ignored me and acted like I was just a problem.

[deepwater03]

When I was in the phyc. ward they'd sedate me in the afternoon/morning, and then they'd yell at me when I couldn't fall asleep at night.

[bipolarorwakingup]

Sounds like you were in a pretty rough place.

[MsChrispy]

I don't like to stay on my bipolar meds and the last time I got sent to the hospital (the 11th time, BTW) they were ready to just send me to a group home for the rest of my life. I'm 17, so they also wanted to have someone come to my house to make sure I'm taking my meds after I'm 18. They all absolutely believe I need to be on meds the rest of my life and I don't believe it.

[DelIriSentA]

i was 18 and was force fed my medication by my mother, also brought to the hospital against my will and later taken to europe against my will....sorry to say this buddy but age does not matter if you are diagnosed with mental illness....they see you as retarded.

[DelIriSentA]

lol...i had just turned 18 when my enightenment broke, just as i had foreseen it and been told it would, and yes, i nearly did believe the docs when they told me i was nuts thought i KNEW i was not, i am now almost 20 and can laugh about it, but it was traumatizing yet enlightening and i woud not change it for the world...i learned more in that period than my entire life and i have never been as happy as i am now.

i am one of the lucky few, sadly :(

[eKilNOSC]

5:34---so true-------the connection is needed.

[kemushi510]

I have never heard a single solitary soul talk about the symbolic world! Holy COW!

[bipolarbeth]

oh...so this whole enlightment thing is Buddhism? No wonder I can't relate...

[DelIriSentA]

no...it does not have to be buddhism...buddhism is simply the only religion that actually accepts and works toward this experience...i was not buddhist before this happened and i am not full buddhist now, though i have found a LOT of help in the religion and i like to combine it with my other beliefs which include christianity and wicca (not to be confused with satanism, wicca is the belief in mother nature and using her power to benefit)

So you see, you can be a fully enlightened christian.

[kcjenner1]

What you say at the end here make me think that if one was raised with a religion that understood the signs or 'symptoms' that one experiences from enlightenment then probably they'd be guided properly without having to resort to psychiatry.

And I thought what religion does that? One that would be maybe the closest and I'm not sure people will call this a religion, but I thought of Native American Indians that used Peyote.

[bipolarorwakingup]

From what I understand, I think the native people may have the culture to go through this in the best way. I also practice shamanism and there are a lot of connections!

That´s why I got into it in the first place!

[kcjenner1]

That's a good quote of Joseph Campbell you used (at about 4 minutes 5 seconds) and very appropriate to your situation.

I'm a big fan of Joseph Campbell's Power of Myth video series. :)

[bipolarorwakingup]

He´s one of my heroes!

[bipolarorwakingup]

In the manic world, you are in the spiritual dimension and are totally in touch with your true feelings, nothing is repressed.  In depression, your ego fools you into thinking that you are limited in your choices, and you are not. When a person is in a depression, they are confronting their illusions, which they see as real, but they NEVER are.

[MachineAmbition]

The other world is more real? Why? And is the manic world necessarily more real than the depressed one (being disconnected from the world, everything seems worthless and evil)? I don't know euphoria I guess - my "fast" and "exhilarated" stages feel shallow in comparison to total evil.

Plus, psychiatry isn't necessarily athiest, even if some psychiatrists are. My experience is that some want to help others regain control and a peace you can maintain (on this plane), how it was put to me.

[deepwater03]

One phyciatrist I had for a year and a half is an orthadox jew (seriosly, when i first met him in the phyciatric ward i reffered to him as rabbi doctor because he looks like a rabbi). God and phyciatry don't preclude one another.

[creager300]

Sean, your videos are great. Strikingly familiar. I to ended up in handcuffs. Hospital, etc. Unfortunately my family got so scared, I ended up in jail for a while. It's amazing The extent your "loved ones" will go to to get you under control. I'm court ordered to take meds. I've been manic free for 1 year. I've never been in trouble in my life up until I went manic. It was a learning experience. I don't regret any of it. I do resent what society will do to you !!

[uncrownedboss]

We probably in Hell already, our dumb asses not knowin

Everybody kissin ass to go to heaven ain't goin I

Put my soul on it, I'm fightin demons daily

plus the doctors crucifying us severly

[deathdying]

now i know why psychologists always go to the method of medication, because us bipolars dont like it and dont want it, most of us anyway, and theyre like, they are just being rebellious. im going to a shrink now, but im shortly gona quit going because the first visit, a psychiatrist would help.. can you believe it. anyway I KNEW THERE WAS A WAY TO DEFEAT BIPOLAR!! because ive been alot better, from 13-to current 20.. bvefore that no thought process at all. nothing, zombie,do what i want impulses

[sk8er0mega]

I totally agree with your point of bipolar and such, but what is the role of the depressive state? Is it just coming down from the experience?

[bipolarorwakingup]

Good question, but its a little too complex to get into here. Depression usually starts with an over-attachement to some aspect of the false ego-self. I will say that the mania often arrives as a compensation for a previously depressed state. Also, I do have a video on How to End Depression on my channel. That`s a start for you.

[MachineAmbition]

Mostly unrelated, dramatic comment: How tragic when the false ego-self is a much better person. Time to grasp at some positive self-image very quickly. "Did I mention that I'm going to be a great painter?"

[joe6panther6]

I know that feeling of euphoria even though I've never experienced a full blown manic experience. As a creative person, it's probably the most amazing feeling. Even better then sex.

[bipolarorwakingup]

You got that right! And thanks for subscribing.

[odddom4]

You're so right. Waking up in isolation is like waking up in hell.

[juliomrgtz]

omg. fantastic I´m so glad to see this here.

I had a maniac episode this year when I was depressed and took lsd for the first time... it lasted 20 days and my perceptions was pretty much the same, been trough the same stages and stuff, being tested searching for someone to trust.

Luckly I didn´t get arrested but almost start a fight In a pub.

fantastic job man, I would really like to meet you personaly if possible. I´m living in santa catarina.

[vincentbluegrey]

That definitely wasn't a manic episode.

[bipolarorwakingup]

Then what was it? So far, you are the only one who has made that comment.

[vincentbluegrey]

I think your lying to yourself about that incident saying you had control.

[bipolarorwakingup]

I don't remember saying I had control...at some points, I know I was pretty out of control.

[jingles123abc]

so is he bipolar or schizophrenic?

[bipolarorwakingup]

Maybe both. And I walked away, without meds or doctors 10 years ago.

[Ouroboros6]

I got way from seeing my shrink every few months by acting *normal* that is I stopped talking about being connected deeply with nature and the universe and started talking about material shallow things because that is all he could understand. No more shrinks for me :)

[bipolarorwakingup]

I have a niece going through a crisis right now. Her parents took her to a shrink. She told him, "you are evil! You will not control me!!!" She's not out of the woods yet, but she is refusing to take any drugs!

[deepwater03]

The psychiatrist I was forced to go to for about a year after my initail episode... everytime I would tell him how much i hate the medication and all it does to me, he'd look at me with his eyes tearing and say "but you'll get sick". Then he'd just dissmiss everything that was on my mind.

He was also the doctor to prescribe me Zeldox, which both the professionals and my parents believe spun me into my next "manic episode".

[Ouroboros6]

I felt the feeling of *god* like it was like sunshine in my heart, that's the best way to describe it, like pure love and sunshine. Not a man in a white beard.

[bipolarorwakingup]

Me too!

[bipolarorwakingup]

I know! I know!

[z8tl]

i cry for the way they squash the kids who go through whatchamacallit ... spiritual emergence?

[z8tl]

@jane: nope, i was hardcore scientific/materialist einstein is God and then i went through much spiritual turmoil that involved believing wind was blowing through my nailed hands - brother hayzooz woulda been proud of my channeling i did for Him >:]

[Chipmunkapublishing]

Very brave. Chipmunka can make this into a book. It will empower you and help you and us to help more people.

[bipolarorwakingup]

And just to clarify, I didn`t actually see any god or gods or saints. My connection was much more with the universe. But because it`s starting point was felt to be within myself, it felt more personal.

[SFJane]

Only people who have a deep internal conviction in mono or polytheism have meditative experiences of connecting to god(s) People who do not believe in any theism have experiences of connecting themselves into time/space, the fabric of reality, thought, the Earth and even the Universe itself.

[bipolarorwakingup]

I don`t really think of God in a stricly personal sense, but I still prefer the word to the more physics-oriented terms like The Universe. For me, personally, its the same thing, but other people have taken issue with me raising the idea of a Charleton Heston-like higher power!

[Ouroboros6]

Yep mine was with the universe itself. I felt in contact with the metaphysical aspects of it.

To me that is tao or god anyway, they are just labels.

[deepwater03]

I'd been agnostic for 5 years before my first manic episode. I also felt in touch with the universe itself, and as if it was protecting me and leading me, and that I was a messenger of love and acceptence.