Orville's Story

[AstraVex]

PILE OF SHIT FTW!

[jaredcicon]

Your granpas far intrigues me. Right now I am reading a book about Alfred Hitchcock and the places he chose as backdrops for his movies. I would imagine that if Al was still alive and watched your video he would immediately contact you with an offer to turn the C.C.of the US an eventual hip tourist spot.

I am serious when I say the structures intrigued me. The one room school house was awesome. Have you shot anything in and around it?

Maybe I need to watch more of your vids.

[azrienoch]

Unfortunately no. I don't get to go out there often, or I probably would.

At the CC, there's a chapel that can't be larger than 10' x 14'. I could see him doing something with that. The whole thing, and I mean central Kansas here, is quaint and desolate. An American dream that was sought so long ago, all people remember is the feeling of waking up, disappointed. Makes for an interesting people.

[jaredcicon]

I got some bad news. I just did a google search on Lebanon, Kansas and discovered that the little church recently went to heaven. Seems some dude failed to navigate a nearby curve and plowed into it leaving very little to be salvaged. Sorry man. Damn shame.

[jaredcicon]

I'll send you the link to the story.

[azrienoch]

No no, they rebuilt it. That happened over a year ago and we were there in April of this year.

[jaredcicon]

But from the sounds of the article there was little left than toothpicks, unless he was exaggerating...which would be good since I hate when landmarks like that disappear.

[azrienoch]

I sent you a Facebook request. My wife has more photos of the area.

[jaredcicon]

Yeah I saw it.

1. The chicken wings look delicious.

2. The winter seen in the wooded country lane of you and the Mrs. is awesome.

3. The Kung Fu shot of you and your buddy is stellar but would be even MORESO if you photo shopped out the brick wall your sitting on.

4. You wouldn't catch me dead in that chapel unless they installed a modern guard rail around it.

5. You make a bad sheriff.

6. You should take more photos like the one of you standing in the middle of the country road.

[judasinwaiting]

really ghey

[artemisfair]

<3 Neil Gaiman and especially American Gods.

[shagnsti]

You do realize that you're Frank Zappa reincarnated, right? That's a compliment by the way.

BARVO! (Nasioc abomination of Bravo, get used to it as it gets worse).

Shagn

[jish55]

it's been a while since ive watched any of your vids, and I have to say, I like this... this one has the style of your older vids, but with a newer aspect on it... it was definatly a really well done piece of work.

[speedsp33d]

dude......friggin awesome

[AlexNewton1981]

Omaha is the closest I've ever been to Kansas. Used to think American Gods was great, but I don't ever feel like rereading it lately. Same with a lot of Neil's stuff.

[jessychickin]

Oh you are a living legend!! =)

All your vids are amazing.

[reVerse22productions]

thats a pile of shit! :)

[KronicDemon442]

lol thats a pile of shit ahaha dude i wish i where as cool as you )::: make more videos (:

[JoshSource]

i've been watching far too many horror films cause that farm house and barn look fucking SPOOKY.

so what about RUNTS the candy? cause i can kill a whole box of those in a sitting.

[closeoutcrew]

I don't know, I don't think I'm going to gush as much as the rest of you. I think stories with morals and parrables should be told to demonstrate deeper or more abstract lesson. This was a lot of talk, for a very simple message. Not every moral requires that long,or circutous route to achieve the point. Let's continue to keep the stories simple, but the idea behind them deeper and more complex.

[azrienoch]

I agree, they're not quite right. But I disagree with you too. This story has no moral. It is just me creating a character so I can destroy him with sarcasm. Killed by irony--every writer's dream, no? Any moral found is your own. I don't give two shits about it.

[kuhkoowee]

i think it's about time you bend over

[uire23]

"Killed by irony--every writer's dream, no?"

No.

[faunflynn]

Now that is a bloody good story.

The hazards of asymmetry ! Good moral too !

I kept pigs for most of the 80s. They were very smart and even I got sentimental about them. Still ate 'em.

Funny I also dream of the farm more than anyplace else.

Excellent !

[kailabreece]

Deep. Dark. Very funny.

[vampyrechick25]

hahaha...That's a beautiful farm.

[stormy3658]

This story is = Awesome. This is a mathematically provable fact, but you probably wouldn't understand if I did the math for you, so I won't bother.

[stzach]

Wisdom in story form . . .

smiles.

[HonkyWilliams]

Did Orville have swine flu?

[Emil246]

You hurt my feelings. Therefore, you were wrong and should change.

[OMFGitsLULU]

i have glasses.

so that shows that i am like suuuuper blind hahaha

[mmariebored]

So, are you saying that only the big ones get killed?

Well that's a relief.

Wait.

Maybe you're just trying to scare pigs into staying small so that you get all the slop.

I knew I smelled a motive.

[Blizzeekitty]

Speaking of Sesame Street, the word of the day last week was predicament.

And weird, most of my dreams also take place on the farm I grew up on (in MN).

[Cristofer7]

I love this story on so many levels. It is a be careful what you wish for sort of story, but it also speaks to the restlessness one may feel about their present situation, and wishing for it to change not seeing what is good presently in their life. There is something to be said about having an eye for what is positive about a situation and not only obsessing about the negative, but perhaps it was worth being killed and eaten than being picked on... great story brother!

[midnightmistress8675]

speaking of charlotte's web, I have a tarantula named charlotte :)

[RealTimeArtist]

interesting story:)

[kcotney36]

Oh, so meat IS murder..............Yummy.

[2ndviolin]

Oh dear, I'm big and fat too!

[oxcartdays3030]

are you referencing kill the runt the band

[Bottledcan]

Once again, Az, you left me grinning at my computer monitor like an eight-year-old Sesame Street watcher just reminded how individual he is.

Lovin' the banner, too! Just noticed it.

[Higekun]

Orville would be safe with me vegans don't eat runts either

[jwbrtb3]

Haha, fucking asymmetrical pigs, they just piss everyone off.

[Brandt761]

What a story. Rock on, Azrienoch!!!

[CelphaFiael]

hehehe!

[OMFGitsLULU]

lol i still didnt see him -.-

[azrienoch]

The pig? He was right there.

[tadshackles]

Awesome man!

5/5

[manicattack08]

Nice. Cool video.

[nightshadelives40]

you are way more curagious(is that how you spell it?) then me with the nose ring. I would always be afraid of pissing someone off.(cause you and both know exactly where the first wound is gonna happen. at least its not a cock ring.lol) also what if you get a really bad cold? snot sliding down the ring is not exactly a way to impress the ladies.... just messing with ya dude. no harm no foul right? nice story. 5 stars. =D

[Samanmotlagh]

about time another video came :D

I liked it.

[GramsandPapi]

I love your stories! Blessings, Grams

[RainbowLuvsJeff]

Wow---you're from Kansas? That's schweed.

[Nyhee7]

We raised one pig on our farm, called it Miss Piggy. It got so big it scared us, but when they slaughtered it, I refused to eat any of it. Though, I did take one bite, one day, and it was too salty, so then I used that as my excuse to not eat her.

I'm not a vegetarian, but I might go that route one day.

Cool video, sir, the scenery was very nice, went well with your story.

[Tiredofcrap]

Flow make sense.

[TrippyLantern]

mmmmm, irony with a side of bacon. Is there anything better in this world?

[2bsirius]

If I had been retained to handle Orville's public relations, I'd have advised that he needed to begin walking on his hind legs and repeating the phrase, "All animals are equal, but, I, Orville am more equal than others.' I'd also have advised him to use his front trotters to karate chop the bearded guy wearing the bull ring when he approached with a meat cleaver..

Sorry, Orville, you hired the wrong PR firm

'Course as a demented vegetarian got to add that animals aren't for eating.' ;^)

[neveralmostthere]

this reminded me a bit of that video cody did with him walking down the street, almost the same lighting too.

[vclamp]

The end. So the Watchpigs are all asleep at the same time in the same location eh! We never see any pigs here, and I smell ham wrapped in bacon; coincidence?

Francis Ford Coppola proposed to build a huge cinema auditorium at the central marker in Kansas and make that the single location in the country for everyone to see his film "Apocalypse Now". Fortunately for all of us, he spent his fatted calf on the creative side of the business. Ah, Upon a time once.

[Aaroncast86]

That story was very well told. The end was a bit morbid and I probably shouldn't have laughed, but I did.

[moonboy87]

Absolutely fantastic! Long time viewer and I do not believe I have ever been let down by any of your videos. Please continue spewing forth the rapidly dying art form of language, because only hope can keep us from losing thought-provoking media such as yours.

[underdog3]

you're good with words.

[lionsstare]

I think.......Orville was the pig from Green Acres....

I HATED that program!!!

[azrienoch]

His name was Arnold. And anyone who doesn't absolutely adore Green Acres isn't welcome here.

[lionsstare]

I hate it! Hate it !hate it!!!!

I use to walk passed a pig pen on the way to school(grade school) everyone had to say hello to the pigs but as for Green acres!! AAAAA!!

[azrienoch]

OMG!  BLOCKED!

[azrienoch]

I'm joking.

But that was a warning highness. Where I come from there are penalties when a woman lies.

[lionsstare]

Wha'da ganna do make me watch squidbillies!! Wait....I already watched that stuff...

[DemonWithGoldenWings]

lesson learned.

[JunTakashi00]

i dont know what this really is, but its good.

[BananaNeil]

its a good thing i will always be a runt. :]

[muffystopheles]

I love the way you say advertisements =D

and I like the way this video was done. Good job!

[treehamallama]

this is pleasing to watch. i like when you change up your settings.

[ThisIsNotMikey]

nice

[elliotcheely]

this was good.

[AwokenSpirit]

Az, you are one very creative individual!

[captainfury2007]

I am so glad I subbed. Is there any chance of you going to southtube in october?

[carmadillotanzen]

Hey, you're in my state :)

[Sanfransiscanwannabe]

clever...... clever

[HersheysKisses637]

Very, very, very clever. I love the background, too!

[brojoghost]

American Gods, one of my favorite books! My copy has been to Iraq & back!

Nice schoolhouse! Is it still in use?

[premed2]

Very clever. Didn't see the ending coming. Really did LOL!

[Tifanix]

you're so cool man!

[Trollschool]

Is that house still in the family or did they sell it?

[azrienoch]

Yep, we still own all of it, including the schoolhouse. I was asking a lot about our family history, and apparently one part of that house is the original homestead house, built by my great great great grandfather. The rest has been built over the years.

[Trollschool]

Neat. Funny how not very long ago they gave away whole farms for people to settle. Now you've gotta bust your ass just to live in an apartment.

[azrienoch]

Actually, they're so hard pressed for people and business out there, they'll still give you land if you'll put a house or business on it. If that's not your cup of tea, the bigger houses around there sell for under $20,000.

[Trollschool]

Interesting. Very nice video, btw, very thoughtful. Did you ever attend KU? I had thought about moving to Lawrence after retirement and pursing a Phd. there in philosophy, but the department appears to be predominantly analytic, which I find to be somewhat boring.

[azrienoch]

Nope. Haven't lived in Kansas in 15 years. I know Carnap had a pretty big influence over them.

[Mazoni]

awesome as ever ^^ 5/5

[NapalmXD]

LOL Love this.

[RenzokuzenX]

cool beans

[Blargaldalien]

Hello,Azrienoch,

Quite the parable there. be successful, and the man will eat you.

Had Orville convinced a spider to write

"Some Pig"

despite his size,viewers would wonder,'well,what is the rest of him?Cow?"

he might have survived,as happy as a pig in shit.

[azrienoch]

I think the expression "pig in shit" is wrong. As you say, "some pig" leaves some pig to be desired. The rest of the pig is its shit. Thus the correct form is "shit in pig."

[Blargaldalien]

Ah,I see your point. However,eventually the pig will shit,and it may step into the shit,verifying my observation.

[azrienoch]

In that case, maybe we should say, "Happier than a pig beside himself."

[Blargaldalien]

Arrrg,bring in Schizophrenic Cojoined Swine,why don't ya?

[OMFGitsLULU]

lol you totally confussed me,

so is orville a person or a piggy?

orville minds me of that one popcorn ha!

u shuld definatley draw wut this character looks like :]

[azrienoch]

If you watch the video this one is attached to, you'll see him.

[rattlesnakesister]

lol! :D you're awesome!

[JamesCalico]

be careful what you wish for

[Gimmeabreakman]

Somehow I never realized you lived THERE. But that kind of makes sense now.

Nice story. Impromptu?

[azrienoch]

Not impromptu. I'm bad at that. But I don't live there. I grew up there, wish I still lived there, but I live in Minnesota now. Might sound like basically the same place, but I see the difference.

[sxeeplta]

love the ending

[tumorthan]

He basicly said that you shouldnt change because other people want you to. bad stuff might happen o.O

[ehuus0000]

No I think he just likes bacon..lol

[MrsScarletScolex]

So he got killed because he conformed? Good.

[melzaelf]

Hmmppf! I thought this was gonna be about the famous popcorn dude Orville Redenbacher!!

Jeaz Autumn nights is soo jelous of that farm, she wants to live there.

[happyjesus123]

Orville Foraker (Preacher189, TheOldTrucker1) was one of the aliases of one of the best "YouTube Christians" ever. There isn't much of old Orville left on the intertubes but this is a good summary "The Preacher Pig". Orville made homophobia and agalmatophilia fun again.

[MoodyMellerina]

I wish I could compliment you on your little story but I haven't a clue what you were just talking about. I was far too distracted by your cuteness.

[wyrdness1]

you to? damn he's nice to look at. The stories and poems are fun to.

[kenster112]

how long does it take you to come up with this stuff?

[bErzerkeleyRAW]

My daughter (3) watches Charlottes Web EVERY DAY. (have you ever noticed that Charlotte is a real bitch?) Anyway, this tangent of the story had me ROFLMA. I'll never look at Wilbur the same again. *goes to make BLT*

[nicanicabad]

Bars ejaculate for a 1/2 hour.

1/2 liter.

3 distinctive phases.

Just sows ya knows.

[MistressDracona]

"..and that's a pile of shit!"

*almost spits out drink laughing*

[dataloreforever]

How much for the Studebaker azrienoch?

[Katalyzt]

There must be symmetry! ;O)

Katalyzt

[PianoIsTheRemedy]

Lebanon Kansas? I've fuckin' been there. It's about an hour and a half from my hometown.

[azrienoch]

Amazingly windy there. But I like it. We should sit down sometime and talk about the plight of the American farmer.

[thelastholdout]

You're another one, Az. I was starting to visibly shake from awesomeness withdrawal. Like Thunderf00t, you came back just in time to keep me hooked. :)

[PotheadPundit]

damn. you straight up Nodak style?? LOL> me too

[o0splitpaw0o]

+1 ☠☠☠☠☠

[CousinoMacul]

Hickory smoked bacon is worth the wait!

[bubonicnate]

what a tasty comment!

[theshadowed1]

LOL LMAO I needed this today

[liamgoneill]

i love your work man , i seen u on blog tv a few months back but it was being funy and the chat wouldnt load , i so badly wanted to say hello but couldnt :( thanks jeff , ure works awesum

[hurryupmikaela]

i love your peircings!! =)

[blahblahblahEMILY]

have i told you i love you? because i do.

[moxie3672]

Unrelated, but related, and may sound a bit strange to some... Funny you mention the story "Charlotte's Web". I haven't heard that story mentioned in years. But I, myself, had just mentioned it yesterday because... ok, well, I moved into a new house. In one of the kitchen cupboards there's a spider. He lives there. He never leaves the cupboard. He was here before us, so I decided to let him (or her) stay. That being why I was talking about "Charlotte's Web". Anyway, yeah. *shrugs*

[Atheistblindchick]

The more important question was, "Did you like him?", since all he ever wanted was to be liked....

[azrienoch]

hehehehehehe

Well, I have a tendency to ignore part of the wishes I grant.

[wyrdness1]

doesn't any Efrit, Djin, or wishbone?

[ZOMGitsCriss]

I missed you

[azrienoch]

Miss you too!

[wyrdness1]

yum. ham and bacon

[meepmon]

Hm. It made me think. Try to be conformist and not yourself, and you'll be... eaten?

[azrienoch]

Basically. Expect bullies to be hungry if they don't have money for lunch.

[VioletKitty411]

I was waiting for that...lol :-)

[WeskJago]

haha nice story

[rubius0]

Um... I am pretty sure Neil didn't declare that place as "the furthest place from anywhere that anyone would want to be". It is the place where the Gods don't want to be because of a lack of belief. (and it is pronounced gay-man not guy-man, but whatever)

As for it's centrality... that was defined by a person who balanced a map on a pin to find the balancing point.

[rubius0]

sorry to nit-pick, btw. and I would be more precise if I had my copy of American Gods on me.

btw, thanks for the view of that landmark, I always kinda wondered what it would look like.

[azrienoch]

I have more footage. Might post it unedited on my other channel.

From what I remember, it was a failed roadside attraction. People thought it had significance, but it wasn't in one of those magical locations that people were drawn to. Because people didn't want to go there, and didn't, it made the gods weaker.

[Atheistblindchick]

Wasn't that where Odin's son Shadow crucified himself? Been a long while since I read it...

[azrienoch]

It's nearby, yes.

[Atheistblindchick]

Cool... Is there an actual tree, I wonder...

[rubius0]

no, not the same place. He was hung on the tree (not crucified) near the place where the gods fight (something mountain, can't remember its name right now). This place is where they handed over Odin's body... a neutral zone where both sides could meet... a place no side could claim (or wanted to claim)

[azrienoch]

Hmmm... it's been too long. I thought he was hung at the second plaque near the highway that gives information about the Center. Alas.

[bubonicnate]

Don't apologize - youtube clearly needs a few more nitpickers! Not near enough nitpickign going on in anyones comments.

Az is attempting fictional literary murder and needs to be policed!

Give it up Az - Your videos are about a factual as a Neil Ga... wait a second -- YOU BASTARD!

Az -- 1 starred! flagged! blocked!

Get your fictional facts straight buddy!

[azrienoch]

One of these days I'm going to end a story with "The End" and you're going to feel really bad about all the nasty things you've said to me.

[musicisthegateway]

no stars - I still don't know when this story starts and when it ends. And where is the dragon? damn you Az, I am so disappointed.

[bubonicnate]

agreed music -- its like he's like an un-story fascist!

[musicisthegateway]

oh man, nothing makes my blood boil more than a fascist.

[bubonicnate]

Burn it down! Burn it all down!

[StevenErnest]

You have kind of a blue tint here, hmm.. naw, I won't go there. ;) I've seen farms on PBS, cool. Neil Gaiman is great. I feel like some bacon now -- fun vid. ^_^

[azrienoch]

Dusk. Don't worry. I'm not supernatural. ;)

[StevenErnest]

You're unnaturally super. ^_^

[bubonicnate]

oops I went there...

[StevenErnest]

Heheh, exactly my intent using reverse psychology, 'cause I'm sly to the maxxx.

[Blews4Blesus]

Pigs are both smart & delicious!

[RobHandMusicFilms]

well done sir! =D

[elanaisonfiire]

haha, that's horrible

[aygudeaygude]

All animals are equal.

[StevenErnest]

But some taste better than others.

[a7xMCRused]

but some are more equal than others.

[hoodedraider]

orville and wilbert wright, first thing i thought of when the video started

they made the first successful plane

[abigor315]

kewl

[Imbracenight]

original. As always, good job hun.

[StephStance]

OH..... LMAO!