Billy Connolly ~ The Cardinal's school visit

[SuperBm23]

Amazing

[ChaosAnarchyMaddness]

Brilliant!!! XD

[Sinjoku1]

@thegreypigeon LOL looking at what you call entertainment....I think best you rather STFU...... Billy is a legend, and will always be, and he is that without you, HOWEVER some of things you like....... such as "Jordan Rudess - Silent Mountain" the only people liking shyte like that, is the only reason those people continue to annoy people that find true class acts like Billy one 1 in a lifetime. In other words stick to that shyte and we'll continue to enjoy life.

[Livicsf]

@thegreypigeon

You're not a very good Troll.

[ball3rinabab3]

Bahahahahahaha I want this on my coffee mug!

[SalvadorS8]

Primary School teachers speaking to kids is so funny and patronising

[andrew34430]

at his very best

[ReganElizabeth1993]

No one else quite like Billy ^_^

[grtyuj]

That was one of the funniest stories that was ever told to me,

[matthewmaus]

This is why Billy Connolly is the greatest stand-up ever. This is from 1981 - he was still just regarded as a relative newcomer. Five minutes of sublime story telling, like as if it was just you and him, in a pub somewhere...and then the payoff. My favourite joke/story. I would never tell it myself, just get people to watch him, the master.

[15264897]

He does a wicked impression of children, so funny man.

[freekicking85]

"he's nailed to the wall to remind ye, for christ sake", haha. Never stops being funny. Billy is the funniest storyteller ever!

[MsMystica5]

I LOVE Billy and this is one of the best things he has ever done! LOVE IT! <3 =D

[TheRockRiff]

Much love for billys work!

[holyswordsmanoffaith]

YEEEEEEEEEES YOUR EMINENCE! lol fucking brilliant XD

[tonypap1]

I've seen this clip 1000 times but the punchline has lost NONE of it's punch.

The first time is the best though !!!

F*cking superb.

[Shadoweyes07]

"are you deaf as well as daft?" LMAO XD got to love Billy :)

[degregorius]

I must say that for a Cardinal, he exemplifies the Protestant work ethic! :-)

[Malice5000]

he looks like jesus

[mcfarlanerd]

You can take the priest outta Glasgow, but you can't take Glasgow outta priest. x

[lakshmimittal]

Take THAT Catholicism!

[ranbrent]

@lakshmimittal You obviously don't get it if you out that comment

listen to the whole video a couple of times......you don't get the concept.

[lakshmimittal]

@ranbrent I know this sketch word for word. What are you talking about? I know he's not having a direct pop at the god botherers. I am though!

[ranbrent]

@lakshmimittal "Take that catholicism"

theres nothing in there to offend a catholic or upset them in anyway,trust me.

[lakshmimittal]

@ranbrent I thought it subverted the pomposity of the Vatican but I could be wrong.

[maddermofo]

Is it just me or was Billys voice deeper here??

I think his material really matured towards the later part of the 80's, and by matured I mean became really good, not necessarily grown up. As he says himself he's a child at heart.

This man is a genius!!!!!!!!!!

[kcah2009]

my thoughts exactly !!

[edstercw]

30 yrs. same hair.

Samson knew this trick as wel

[bradster771]

lol

[000nour000]

HAHAHA omg amazing!!!

[Kraken812]

"My thoughts exactly, how true, exclamation mark!"

[ChristopherDone]

@Kraken812 That didn't get a laugh from the audience but I lol'd

[MjoelH]

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

[taxirock90]

Brilliant

[pplacanica]

He looks like Rob Zombie

[joasdragon]

love the whistle :p

[headcrusher1011]

A priest can't be appointed a monsignor it is a team of address like sir or madam roughly translated it means "my lord" it is only used to address someone of a certain ecclesiastical honorific.

[SOULEDGE449444944494]

@headcrusher1011 stfu

[headcrusher1011]

@SOULEDGE449444944494 WTF?

[gratzner]

What is he saying before "i went to Paris to study". They made me a *what* and a monsigor and i went to Paris to study" it sounds like, but im not sure.

[Climbatize]

@gratzner "They made a Canon they made me a Monsignor I went to Paris to study..."

[trossachs2003]

@gratzner They made me a CANON, they made me a monsignor...

[markneilG]

best ever

[MegaTrainspotter]

Were can i get this concert on d.v.d?

[Climbatize]

@MegaTrainspotter

Amazon or Play.com have it for about 8 quid. "Billy Bites Yer Bum Live"

[thetttttttttttt]

His timing is MAGIC!

[sphinxart]

aaaaahahahahaa Yoooo fookoff! Sounds loike me when I was a kid haha!

[killwill83]

Great Billy Connelly performace (aren't they all?) But i notice that these early 80's Billy Connelly shows is how strong his Glasweigan accent is. He sounds Scottish still but it's mellowed.

[MinisterKGB]

@killwill83 The same happend to me , i went to ireland for a while and all my irish family thought i sounded american though when i got back to america theya ll thought i sounded irish, i think it just happens when you hear the accent and are around it all the time

[noneed2refrigerate]

@MinisterKGB he's not irish

[MinisterKGB]

@MinisterKGB I never said he was. but i was making a correlation

[Bethane1995]

your telling me tae fuck of....YOU FUCK OF!!!!

[Shindai]

No one can describe a scene of chaos like Billy :D

[connorchapman1]

yes your eminence!

fuck off

[battycrease1992]

Perfect.

[mrShowaddywaddy]

this is possibly my favourite connelly joke EVER! always makes me piss myself! 'You're telling ME to fuck off?! YOU FUCK OFF!!!!' ha ha ha ha ha

[Xanatos712]

"He hoovers across to the desk", lol! The accent seals it.

[highlandcommando]

"fuck off", he hinted

[billyconnearly]

Billy is not only a comedian - he is also a political commentator and philosopher!

[MrSy82]

what a boring cunt you must be

[GaryPucket]

Its not what his eminence is doing in front of the class that matters its what he's doing when the he's alone with the kids!.

Its the irish who are having to look at their church now.

[cianlarkin1]

Why in the name of God Almighty himself did you have to bring that up here?

Seriously! This video has absolutely nothing to do with clerical sexual abuse and yet for some reason you just decided to be a sad, miserable bastard and stir the shit.

To quote Mr. Connolly, fuck off!

[connorchapman1]

he hinted!

[LTGeraldo]

shut it ya prick

[GaryPucket]

Laugh?,I nearly pissed masel !.

[TheTrucker38]

he is fucking brilliant and famous even here in holland

[ProtestantIRA]

Cardinal: WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?!

Student: I said fuck off are you deaf as well as daft?

priceless

[and551]

nailed to the wall. Quality

[EmmoF2]

Your telling me to fuck off??? YOU FUCK OFF!!!!

[peepcrud]

Brilliant!

[gondorguard92]

ah fuck of eh...fucking HISTERICALL

[tonypap1]

The punchline is just MAGIC

I just didn't see it coming !

[skinhead090]

are you deef as well as daft

[franzo]

Brilliant, Fantastic i love it!!!

Billy C = Legend

[universalradio]

How do you know that he's telling his own story? I suspect that's not true - I've read his bio - by his wife, and there's no mention of it there.

[jackleemate]

Okay, well it's him telling A story about said subject, who cares if it's his or not?

[Tobias2789]

gonna let ya in on a secret, no every story a comedian tells is true

[freekicking85]

Billy is a brilliant storyteller. He can make any joke hilarious.

[tarff26]

the thing that always strikes me about billy connolly - his punchlines aren't brilliant, it's all about the obverall performance and the crescendo he builds the crowd into just before delivering the punchline

then, regardless of the punchline, everyones in hysterics. genius

[Hellborndelux]

Yeah its the picture he paints and the way he delivers the plot of his story. Like is this story, his voice is soft and comforting and casual but still exciting.....just as the general situation would be....and then he EXPLODES after "fuck off"

[rossy1993]

XD "YOUR EMMINENCE"

[conor76y07]

yes YOUR EMMINENCE!!

[Griffin7867]

I love Billy. He´s a genious!

[TheBlackRosePetal]

lol, 'your telling me to fuck off? YOU FUCK OFF' omg priceless :')

[qcskater90210]

lol, now if i wanted to show my friends this video, you just ruined the punch line. why would you do such a thing?

[bodbeans]

NOT!!! - Great chat from the 90s there.

[EATSFALCONPUNCH]

YOUUUUUU FUCK OFF, hahaha genius

[winrloseonthebooze7]

lol pure class

[babystones]

connolly what are u doing? hahaha!

ah fack off ey hahaha!

love it!

what a funny man!

[babystones]

hahaha!

[pas1888]

Only Connolly can tell a story like this.

The guy is a living comedy legend.

[chillguysplease]

Best punchline ever!

[bmrti]

yeeeeeeeeeeeees yer eminence!

[000nour000]

LOL

[JJFWEBJKWEFHJKFWE]

our ye deef as well as daft haha lmao

[Asparagoose]

Gaaah, I got the box of all Billy's DVDs from the 80s till 2005, and I can't find this one. I wish I could, this and Billy and Albert are the BEST.

[JinxTheSorcerer]

"and you're telling me to fuck off? YOU FUCK OFF!"

very funny indeed

[superdrunkenpenguin]

@JinxTheSorcerer LMFAO!! Very funny!

[ADEMruinedmylife909]

@JinxTheSorcerer brilliant punch line, isn't it XD

[scorp995]

lololololololololololololololo­lolololololololololololol

oan yersel bigman

[gondorguard92]

ive heard longer stories wich have brought roars man this guys just knows his crowd

[bandsandgroupsdotcom]

BEST COMIC EVER.

[megzos]

how can u 4get jesus - he's nailed 2 the wall 2 remind u!!!!

[000nour000]

'YEEES YER EMINENCE' ahahaha!!!

[smooththriller]

Not many comedians have the confidence to tell a joke that lasts five minutes and get a big laugh at the end, thats why Billy is the best, love his story telling.

[maddermofo]

@smooththriller

True, that's what makes him unique, not like these one-liner guys!!

[LeopoldStotchRules]

I honestly believe he's the funniest comedian ever. Others are great too but no-one can make me laugh the way Billy could in his heyday.

[salvadorsalvona]

this is a very young billy,his scottish accent was more pronounced,funny then,funny now!

[ONYERNOSE]

Billy Connolly is a comedian who can truly call himself one because he is one. He actually makes you laugh from yer belly!!!!!!!

[joasdragon]

fucking genius !!

[thenewmodfather]

the greatest stand up comedian ever

[123neil074]

my favourite sketch billy ever except the crucifixion

[patiachNemeis]

ROTFLOLZ Billy is a fucking God XD

[axeattack666]

LEGEND

[xsweenyxtoddx]

"im ahh looking for me dinner money"

"get ur hand out of there b4 u hurt yourself stupid boy!!"

hahaha!!!

[saanzacs]

"And you're telling me to fuck off, YOU FUCK OFF!!!"

[micdapure]

WHIT'D U SAY TAE ME?!!

A said fuck off

Are ya deef as well as daft!

Lmao legendary!

[gondorguard92]

"of fuck off will ya" "the madness and mayhem...XD

[blar666]

this is one of the funniest things i have ever heard

5/5..no wait

10/5

[madguyahink]

He is absolutely QUALITY !

[martin1886]

"He's nailed to the wall to remind you for Christ's sake"

[ltps]

Excellent!

Billy when he was funniest

[mancojim]

every word that comes out of this guys mouth is just funny lol.

[mancojim]

ah fuck off ey? lol

[NPC514]

And you know what this whole story is probablly all true.

[mancojim]

"connolly what are ya doing?" "i'm erm looking for my dinner money" "your a liar get your hand outa your pocket before you hurt yourself you stupid boy" lmao

[mancojim]

well don't forget again will you? he's nailed to the wall to remind you for christ sake

[mohanicus]

one of his very best jokes.

this and the one he told about the old woman on the bus in clydebank.

another legend of a joke.

"your tellin me to fuck off"??

"YOU FUCK OFF"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[stevzster]

the big yins a fukin legend saw him live and met him once hes such a good laugh and a sound guy hes probs the best comedian about

[hally13uk]

my thoughts exactly,how true!

[mistermarkieboy]

Hilarious stuff lol

[keninblack]

o'on yersel Big Yin :-) Does anyone have a video of the crucifiction? This would have to be up there with The Life Of Brian.

[stacyblue1980]

why does it say this vid has been removed?

Its right there. Hehe.

[scottishnutjob]

This is the best joke ever told by a stand-up comedian anywhere.

If anyone disagrees feel free to post the link.

[charliechuckles666]

"oh yes ye eminence! Forgot ye eminence!"

"well dont forget again hes nailed to the wall to remind ye!"

classic line

i love this story it always cheers me up if im having a bad day

[Xwrighty94X]

yeeeeees your eminence :)

started answering my mam with that lol :D ROFl

[tonypap1]

Wish I could tell a story like that. The first time I heard that one, I didn't see the punch-line coming, but when it did......... it was one of those moments where you laugh so much, you actually start to fear for you life.

[ribenagirl3]

billy connolly is an absolute legend and handsome

[stacyblue1980]

he was good lookin'...still a damn handsome man. FUNNIEST man of all time.

[Anjimom]

Excellent every time.

[scotland0chick]

lol i actual feel off my chair laughing at this

[caspartheghost]

heroic

[ionview2]

he's hilarious but a fuckin celtic supporter

[rfcfan73]

aye too right mate.

[ribbonboy]

and that matters because. backward cunts.

[pagandestroyerofemos]

oh teh noes! he supports a different group of grown men who get paid for kicking a ball around a field! whooptie doo, so fucking what?

[BigEaston]

Football bollocls. Grow up. Grow a sack.

Great commedian.

[eirrac54]

He might be a celtic supporter, but I'm a hearts supporter... THAT makes him 10 times funnier than me tae start wi'... Aaaah catholic primary school, my best memory wus when they first did the mass in english... the priest said "go in peace, the mass is ended"... we all fuckin bolted oot the door...

[eirrac54]

Well, up till then we didnae understand a fucking wurd...

sorry Jesus... mea culpa, mea maxima culpa ;)

[rogeranout]

Thot he was a Partick Thistle supporter, that's what he made out until he made his money. To me that = phoney !

[eirrac54]

You're right (I think), I'm sure I remember him saying "I'm a Partick supporter ma'sel" What I said about Celtic was in response to another comment :)~

[TheMountainJew]

So what? He's fucking bigger and more important than Celtic or any other football team.

[soulcru5h]

lmao amazing

he looks cool as fuck here too

[archontic]

A better story teller, there never was, and there never will be.

[Lynchyguy]

That has to be one of the best jokes ever told!

[eirrac54]

That was good, but 'the crucifiction' is MUCH better... imho, I've only heard it on record though (the 'big red album' don't know the name) it goes for about 20mins. Classic lines like..."Jesus says, SHUT YER FACE, and his face was shut, for it is written, then he says, OPEN YER FACE, an he was a'right again, NOW LET THAT BE A LESSON TAE YI," and there was "see you Judas,yer gettin on ma tit's, so yi are"... hehehe classic

[madmanninc]

i love this clip i got it on dvd

[danny1374]

Brilliant guy, no one can touch billy imo hes the best comic ever and fk these politically correct boring a**eholes they make me sick.

[gondorguard92]

im not scotish but i love scotland and i love yer kilts gonna get me one too and billy should be proclaimed a nacional treasure

[HaniiPuppy]

Scotland is great and billy is a national treasure, but imo, kilts and the scottish national dress makes you look like a body-builder dressed as a schoolgirl squeezing a tartan cat xP

maybe that's just me xD

[charlenekaii]

Billy Connolly makes you proud to be scottish =D =D Hee is a legend

[XoXprincessleia94XoX]

pure class

hes brilliant!!

Yer Eminence Mees!!

XD

[DeludedIllusion]

Probably the best joke I've ever heard. I don't believe I've never seen him live, I really have to!

[Scarlet89]

I love this one. Going to see him on the 26th May in Killarney. I queued for 3 and a half hours this morning only to be the first ones told there was no tickets left for Cork. Was a bit pissed off! Still, I'd go anywhere to see him. Legend!

[Number7smokesForEver]

He just looks high, LOL.

[icantcount0123]

i love it when he says 'wee boy' at 1:37

and when he does the voice of the children

i love scottish accents i wish i had a strong accent but im from the far north so i dinna have a stong accent at all. but i love billy's accent