Confronting Parents—Its Risk & Value (1 of 2)

[ogkeedah]

Tweeted

[chloe2shoes]

as a psychologist i appreciate your vids. your work here will hopefully encourage people to commit to a professional relationship with a well trained psychologist, analyst, or licensed mental health worker and begin the personal work towards healing. Healing is to become WHOLE again. 

[paragshah2112]

excellent work. very insightful. great video. thanks.

[scotchvelo]

Why don't parents - or anyone else for that matter - make any effort to resolve their own traumas? Because, like most of us, unless they are in an incredible amount of psychological suffering (depression, panic attacks, psychosis, etc), there's no incentive to do so. Make it uncomfortable enough, then maybe. But if they're sufficiently comfortable, why bother?

[Tubbielou]

Thank you so much. It was so helpful.

[s7s7Joy]

GOD BLESS YOU FOR PUTTING THIS UP. There is not enough information or help out there for this problem. Thanks SOOO much.

[L1ber8ted]

Wonderful video series, thank you.

[ComplexPTSD]

You are quite brilliant, Mackler.

[LuluBre02]

You are soo right about everything you say. But the part about advocating for animals....I realize many cases are due to childhood abuse but I think if a child were brought up properly, they would naturally defend animals because they see how worthy they are....just like they were treated as a kid. It can go both ways....dont u think?

[digitaltango]

So difficult and so true. I have so much work to do, so much grieving to do... for my own inner wounded child and for what I have passed onto my innocent children.

I feel I'm at the 'grieving' stage of emotional development. In another sense, I am deeply grieving for passing any one microscopic tiny bit of my stuff even onto my children. I applaud your advocacy work for children. I feel you are re-dressing the balance. Keep up this amazing, important work.

Have you heard of Steve Biddulph?

[mary02066]

Excellent insight - absolutely right on!!!

[OpineTime]

If there is something to confront your parents about, they have already badly abused you. RUN!

[iQuaereVerum]

I am on to part two, let's see.

This is quite depressing, but true. I keep thinking if it is possible to be ever free from parental damages inflicted on us. And what I realized at some point is that those damages-wounds could actually be working for me and not against me. But the road is hard and steep.

[ThePingu63]

With regard to the whole issue of passing the injustice done to you by your parents onto your own children, there are exceptions. I was physically abused as a child but I made a very definite and lifelong commitment to not do the same to my own kids. They have grown up to be wonderful human beings who, I hope, will have no need to turn around and blame me for causing them any pain.

I guess my past comes out in a slight propensity to depression, but I cope with it quite well.

[dmackler58]

thanks for your comments. i have seen cases where what seem to be exceptions are actually not exceptions. it may not apply to your situation, but i know many people who became infinitely better parents than their own parents, but still caused their children real pain in subtle ways. sometimes this is hard for both parents and children to acknowledge, especially in comparison to the horrors the parents went through when they were children.

[ThePingu63]

Yes, that is probably the case. However, I don't believe that there are any perfect parents who in the course of their parental careers have no negative effects whatever on their offspring. I don't think that even the ones who themselves were brought up without being abused in any way are able to do that. Sadly we don't live in Nirvana.

[dmackler58]

Interesting. I think some parents are better than others, but at this point I think perfect parents---or "parents who themselves were brought up without being abused"---don't exist. I think they could exist someday, but in my opinion anyone I've ever met has been abused to one degree or other, and every parent I've met so far is imperfect...

All the best, Daniel

[pellhell]

Interesting video. I do disagree with your comments on animal. Maybe I misunderstand you tho IDK

[dmackler58]

thanks pellhell---

well, i would think that my comments on animals apply in many cases, but perhaps not all. i'm just going on my experience of knowing many intense animal rights' activists. i respect the work they do, but sometimes it can be pretty split off from their awareness of the reality and consequences of their own childhood histories...

--daniel

[Neilgs]

@pellhe I think he is making a wonderful point here. The excessive caring for animals, and I have known many, often serves as a rather substantive transference or safety net. In other words, to compensate for confronting the otherwise more dangerous underlying realities of dealing with extraordinarily difficult feelings from one's childhood. Often this warm obsession (or the compensatory preference) keeps one's more difficult (unvoiced/non-integrated, non-accessed) feelings"safely" in check.

[HC4D]

Thank you so much for doing this 2-part video. I found it very helpful and comforting. I have subscribed to you.

[dmackler58]

you're welcome---glad it is both helpful and comforting---

daniel

[citisite]

The risk to confront the parents is...

flight, fight, freeze and NO communciation is possible. Thats my opinion and Reality! You cannot hope that Mindblindness is a temporary condition. Its a prefrontal and limbic Problem. Important is not to waste the time with stupid parents - importent is you have time for your kids. Some miller readers waste their time with unproductive thinking - and forget her children. But of course - first - we must miller understand.

[dmackler58]

thanks citisite---

[thehippynuts]

I think you are so articulate and so honest.  The risks you take will help others take good risks. I like your film editing too. The baby ducks and other elements you include touch on the feelings we have about ourselves. Your guitar playing is lovely and helpful in making a scary subject hopeful. all best, kathena

[dmackler58]

thanks kathena---very kind of you---

daniel

[dmackler58]

You're welcome---a risk to put up, glad you found value in it.

[BEX371]

Thanks so much for putting this up Daniel!