I experience 'naivete' vicariously! I think abuse hits you with a double burden, not only do you carry the burden that it happened to you, but also the knowledge that it can be happening to others, and there are all these 'light' and 'naive' people wandering around, oblivious, confusing things (and me) with their pretty mind pictures of nothing possibly being wrong. hehe! :-)
OMG I can't beleive that Pyschaitrist said that to you. I think the only people who say, 'People don't need to know about your child abuse, you don't need to air your dirty laundry.' is people who are selfish, have no spectrum of empathy. By the way HOW is it *your* dirty laundry, your laundry was perfectly clean until a perpetrator stained it!?!?! Ugh! The rich get richer, the lucky protect their bliss of good fortune, ignorant bliss!...Obviously it didn't happen to her, huh? :-7 xoxo :-D
You've noticed it too! I think a lot of times it's emotional economics. I do it sometimes, but I'm aware of it. For example, the earthquake in Japan. They need it to be known so others can help them rebuild. But I don't need to know, so I don't pay attention. What do I gain by grieving for people across the ocean? I'll compare it to money. I would pay for a car, on the condition that I could drive it. But I wouldn't buy one for a stranger, unless I was rich. Same goes for emotional investment.
@qwexas I agree! If only so many more people could live as consciously. I have no problem with choosing to have boundaries around your emotional investments, like you said, for 'economical' reasons. But the arbitrariness off many people's emotional cut-off 'line' often bewilders and frustrates me. Also perhaps many of us are 'poorer' with emotional resources, or have them 'spent' for us. But I do think conscious living is the key.
@PixieEleven When someone says something is too horrible to think about, they probably have hardly any resources to spare. Refusing to think about something won't make it go away. If something is beyond my control, and far enough away it won't affect me, I acknowledge its reality but don't let it get me down. But a friend in need is an opportunity to help! My use of economic vocabulary may sound chilling to some, but a friend who isn't generous seems far worse in my opinion.
Not everyone's necessarily up for knowing anything and everything.
Unpleasant as it might be, I generally think shedding light on it is more likely to make things better - things typically don't get better left in the dark, ignored and/or denied. And I don't mean gratuitously dragging out and parading horrors about. But neither should they be unnecessarily and inappropriately hidden, denied, or ignored.
Thank you! It's true. It makes people uncomfortable. 'You are so negative,' they say. It hurts because I always strive to focus on the positive. This does NOT mitigate the suffering I face, however! It is sad when you can see by someone's body language or hear in their tone that they really DON'T want to know, but feel *obligated* to listen. I have to fight the urge to shut down altogether when I sense this aversion. I am so glad you spoke about this issue!
This is so true! I am LIVID with your therapist's comments, btw, and deeply saddened that you're right about people in general not wanting to know. Thankfully, those who have suffered in these awful ways can offer support, strength, love and understanding to others who hve also learned the very real presence of atrocities in Life. Anyway, I am always comforted when people speak up. Thank you. Be well, sweetheart! *gentle hugs*
@AnaGirlEmpath Thank you so much for watching and taking the time to comment. The world can be a pretty disturbing place sometimes huh? I'm grateful there are people like you, who dare to care, and who dare to reach out. xxx
I just wanted to add that in my opinion those who have experienced abuse have lost faith in humans, and this can't change when people chose not to know.
What digs into me is the injustice of placing responsibility on the once unprotected abused person to protect.someone's naive, distorted idea of humanity. When someone has lived through "unhearable" horrors, is it not uncaring, calloused, and utterly cruel to ask them protect others from having such a knowledge. Good people would hold an abused person's hand and walk with them through the horror of human depravity so that the abused would never again be alone. Who then is the depraved human?
contd from below. Further more denial, turning a blind eye to suffering and unpleasant things is not innocence it is partaking in the concealment of those acts. Its not the truth thathurts people its the dysfunctional denial of it. It is also cold. Things can be discussed in a safe way. It is the act that disturbs not the telling of it. We have to separate the discussion of an act from the act itself . Whyshould the discussion be feared? Your therapist sucks! If you everwant to talk i am here.
The truth does not hurt its the act and the denial that hurts ITS DENIAL THAT HURTS truth heals
Sometimes bringing truth out can be emotional butits not the truth thatdoes thatits the denial its the secret keeping that makes it a big deal...niavity is NOT the same thing as innocence..being niave is not being innocent...being kind andsmiling when you know the worst is true compassion and love its not easy,its a hard fought battle that is YOUR great strength pixie.
Hi Pixie,,, I sent you an "inbox" as an example of someone who inappropriately tells everyone their horrific criminal abusive behavior.,, against themselves and their daughters. That story is one of those I think is TOO horrific to share publicly. On the other hand, it is beyond belief that your therapists wants you to avoid talking about your personal issues with them. ISN'T THAT THEIR JOB??? We all love you very much.
Oh my, i was sat at worktoday thinking exactly this! How strange are we as human beings, i think we as creatures are too intelligent for our own good. We can choose what we want to be 'interested' in. hope your ok Pixie x
I think there is something wrong about saying 'that's too horrible to think about'...because if you're choosing to not think/talk about something you are surely turning a blind eye and passively refusing to fight it. But at the same time, like you, we can see the luxury in not having to know unpleasant realities... Take care pix, fantastic thoughtful video for the win! :)
@mentalhealthhelpUK Thank you :) :) You're right - it IS a luxury to 'not know' or at least not HAVE to know. It just makes me feel so desperately sad for our world, you know? How did things get this broken? Thank you both for being exactly who you are! It gives me faith that this fight is worth it - to make REAL connections with REAL people. It gives me strength.
@PixieEleven We feel lucky to have 'met' you too, PIx, and connecting with you is a big reason why YT is such a big part of our lives. It would totally make our decade if we one day ever met you in person!
@SoyLatte923 It feels like a catch 22. Like the only way out, people will tell you, is to get the whatever-it-is out. To talk about it. To express yourself. To be heard. To get it outside of you, so you no longer have to bear the burden that isn't yours to bear. But then no one wants to hear it. The cover their ears and turn away. They punish you for speaking the truth, with isolation and ridicule. Hang in there babe. There ARE people in this world who are different than that. love xxPix
@PixieEleven People will say telling others about your concerns is the best way to cope: They will also say that bullying and other forms of violence are produced by low self-esteem, someone who's not thin can't have an eating disorder, sexual orientation is a result of childhood abuse, a person who appears nice and does good deeds would never hurt someone, spanking children actually helps, and until a few centuries ago, that phlegm caused depression & wandering uterus caused hysteria. People…
<3<3xoxo
Watisagoodusername 6 months ago
I experience 'naivete' vicariously! I think abuse hits you with a double burden, not only do you carry the burden that it happened to you, but also the knowledge that it can be happening to others, and there are all these 'light' and 'naive' people wandering around, oblivious, confusing things (and me) with their pretty mind pictures of nothing possibly being wrong. hehe! :-)
hi771lrt 6 months ago
OMG I can't beleive that Pyschaitrist said that to you. I think the only people who say, 'People don't need to know about your child abuse, you don't need to air your dirty laundry.' is people who are selfish, have no spectrum of empathy. By the way HOW is it *your* dirty laundry, your laundry was perfectly clean until a perpetrator stained it!?!?! Ugh! The rich get richer, the lucky protect their bliss of good fortune, ignorant bliss!...Obviously it didn't happen to her, huh? :-7 xoxo :-D
hi771lrt 6 months ago
You've noticed it too! I think a lot of times it's emotional economics. I do it sometimes, but I'm aware of it. For example, the earthquake in Japan. They need it to be known so others can help them rebuild. But I don't need to know, so I don't pay attention. What do I gain by grieving for people across the ocean? I'll compare it to money. I would pay for a car, on the condition that I could drive it. But I wouldn't buy one for a stranger, unless I was rich. Same goes for emotional investment.
qwexas 8 months ago
@qwexas I agree! If only so many more people could live as consciously. I have no problem with choosing to have boundaries around your emotional investments, like you said, for 'economical' reasons. But the arbitrariness off many people's emotional cut-off 'line' often bewilders and frustrates me. Also perhaps many of us are 'poorer' with emotional resources, or have them 'spent' for us. But I do think conscious living is the key.
PixieEleven 8 months ago
@PixieEleven When someone says something is too horrible to think about, they probably have hardly any resources to spare. Refusing to think about something won't make it go away. If something is beyond my control, and far enough away it won't affect me, I acknowledge its reality but don't let it get me down. But a friend in need is an opportunity to help! My use of economic vocabulary may sound chilling to some, but a friend who isn't generous seems far worse in my opinion.
qwexas 8 months ago
Excellent thought/discussion provoking video.
Not everyone's necessarily up for knowing anything and everything.
Unpleasant as it might be, I generally think shedding light on it is more likely to make things better - things typically don't get better left in the dark, ignored and/or denied. And I don't mean gratuitously dragging out and parading horrors about. But neither should they be unnecessarily and inappropriately hidden, denied, or ignored.
MichaelPaoli 9 months ago
@Pixie:
Thank you! It's true. It makes people uncomfortable. 'You are so negative,' they say. It hurts because I always strive to focus on the positive. This does NOT mitigate the suffering I face, however! It is sad when you can see by someone's body language or hear in their tone that they really DON'T want to know, but feel *obligated* to listen. I have to fight the urge to shut down altogether when I sense this aversion. I am so glad you spoke about this issue!
AnaGirlEmpath 1 year ago
This is so true! I am LIVID with your therapist's comments, btw, and deeply saddened that you're right about people in general not wanting to know. Thankfully, those who have suffered in these awful ways can offer support, strength, love and understanding to others who hve also learned the very real presence of atrocities in Life. Anyway, I am always comforted when people speak up. Thank you. Be well, sweetheart! *gentle hugs*
Xoxox!
~A.G.E.
AnaGirlEmpath 1 year ago
@AnaGirlEmpath Thank you so much for watching and taking the time to comment. The world can be a pretty disturbing place sometimes huh? I'm grateful there are people like you, who dare to care, and who dare to reach out. xxx
PixieEleven 1 year ago
I just wanted to add that in my opinion those who have experienced abuse have lost faith in humans, and this can't change when people chose not to know.
A great video Pixie. Thanks
merelyme02 1 year ago
@merelyme02 Thanks love. As always, your support means the world to me.
PixieEleven 1 year ago
What digs into me is the injustice of placing responsibility on the once unprotected abused person to protect.someone's naive, distorted idea of humanity. When someone has lived through "unhearable" horrors, is it not uncaring, calloused, and utterly cruel to ask them protect others from having such a knowledge. Good people would hold an abused person's hand and walk with them through the horror of human depravity so that the abused would never again be alone. Who then is the depraved human?
merelyme02 1 year ago
contd from below. Further more denial, turning a blind eye to suffering and unpleasant things is not innocence it is partaking in the concealment of those acts. Its not the truth thathurts people its the dysfunctional denial of it. It is also cold. Things can be discussed in a safe way. It is the act that disturbs not the telling of it. We have to separate the discussion of an act from the act itself . Whyshould the discussion be feared? Your therapist sucks! If you everwant to talk i am here.
lalealynn 1 year ago
@lalealynn Thank you so much sweetheart. Your words really touch me. xxx Pix
PixieEleven 1 year ago
The truth does not hurt its the act and the denial that hurts ITS DENIAL THAT HURTS truth heals
Sometimes bringing truth out can be emotional butits not the truth thatdoes thatits the denial its the secret keeping that makes it a big deal...niavity is NOT the same thing as innocence..being niave is not being innocent...being kind andsmiling when you know the worst is true compassion and love its not easy,its a hard fought battle that is YOUR great strength pixie.
lalealynn 1 year ago
Hi Pixie,,, I sent you an "inbox" as an example of someone who inappropriately tells everyone their horrific criminal abusive behavior.,, against themselves and their daughters. That story is one of those I think is TOO horrific to share publicly. On the other hand, it is beyond belief that your therapists wants you to avoid talking about your personal issues with them. ISN'T THAT THEIR JOB??? We all love you very much.
Tom
tommax26 1 year ago
Oh my, i was sat at worktoday thinking exactly this! How strange are we as human beings, i think we as creatures are too intelligent for our own good. We can choose what we want to be 'interested' in. hope your ok Pixie x
meggs544 1 year ago
I think there is something wrong about saying 'that's too horrible to think about'...because if you're choosing to not think/talk about something you are surely turning a blind eye and passively refusing to fight it. But at the same time, like you, we can see the luxury in not having to know unpleasant realities... Take care pix, fantastic thoughtful video for the win! :)
mentalhealthhelpUK 1 year ago
@mentalhealthhelpUK agree 10000%
idis91 1 year ago
@mentalhealthhelpUK Thank you :) :) You're right - it IS a luxury to 'not know' or at least not HAVE to know. It just makes me feel so desperately sad for our world, you know? How did things get this broken? Thank you both for being exactly who you are! It gives me faith that this fight is worth it - to make REAL connections with REAL people. It gives me strength.
PixieEleven 1 year ago
@PixieEleven We feel lucky to have 'met' you too, PIx, and connecting with you is a big reason why YT is such a big part of our lives. It would totally make our decade if we one day ever met you in person!
mentalhealthhelpUK 1 year ago
I really liked this video.. and I totally agree about people not wanting to know. I struggle with telling people about my issues all the time.
SoyLatte923 1 year ago
@SoyLatte923 It feels like a catch 22. Like the only way out, people will tell you, is to get the whatever-it-is out. To talk about it. To express yourself. To be heard. To get it outside of you, so you no longer have to bear the burden that isn't yours to bear. But then no one wants to hear it. The cover their ears and turn away. They punish you for speaking the truth, with isolation and ridicule. Hang in there babe. There ARE people in this world who are different than that. love xxPix
PixieEleven 1 year ago
@PixieEleven People will say telling others about your concerns is the best way to cope: They will also say that bullying and other forms of violence are produced by low self-esteem, someone who's not thin can't have an eating disorder, sexual orientation is a result of childhood abuse, a person who appears nice and does good deeds would never hurt someone, spanking children actually helps, and until a few centuries ago, that phlegm caused depression & wandering uterus caused hysteria. People…
qwexas 8 months ago
featured...
Elenkhos 1 year ago
oh pixie. *huge enormous hugs* love katie
p.s. sorry i have no wise advice or response or anything :-( but you will always have my support xx
kayteeee99 1 year ago
@kayteeee99 hugs back sweetie! xxx
PixieEleven 1 year ago