QI - How Long Would It Take for the Whole World to Turn into Zombies?

[soundslave]

Just set up a base in the middle of the Austrailan outback. It's inaccessable unless you drive.

Zombies can't drive, they'd just shrivel up and die in the desert before they get anywhere near.

[TheodorEriksson]

@soundslave Nice idea!

[15peewee12]

the whole world 38 days? not true the zombies would never get me

[hottse]

How about stopped instantly if the 1st person to be infected was obviously a zombie and someone had a gun and common sense around said person.

[kingcrow15]

fast zombies or slow zombies?

[freedomisntfreeffs]

It's quite scary how people are prepared nowadays for a zombie outbreak. I think like 10 people would be infected and immediatly killed and a bunch of people will be dissapointed tha they don't get any action.

[annie10103]

@freedomisntfreeffs Yeah, I read an article on Cracked. A zombie apocalypse, though possible, wouldn't last longer than a week. It would be quite easy for the government to contain. Even if there was a pandemic, the zombies wouldn't survive being attacked by animals and prepared teenagers alike.

[Jafroboy]

@annie10103 Then you have zombie bears. Real nice plan.

[annie10103]

@Jafroboy Well shit. Actually, I suppose it would depend on whether the virus turns animals to zombies as well as humans.

[adi87tya]

Surely it depends on how many people a single zombie would bite on an average?

[MrEmosushi]

erm one problem how the fuck would they get to other countries ???????

[MrThezho]

@MrEmosushi I guess you mean islands

[DaredevilnV]

Does anyone else wish there was a zombie infection, for like a month to see if you could survive? Then it went back to normal.

[coombscharlie]

Can't be geometric. Most of those infected would soon run out of nearby uninfected people to bite. Provided transport shuts down, speed of spread is no faster than zombie walking speed.  It would take several months.

[thagrammarnazi]

38 days? So......Danny Boyle was about ten days wrong then?

[MrThezho]

@thagrammarnazi You couldn't be bothered to count that exactly?

Btw, his name is Jimmy Carr.

[thagrammarnazi]

@MrThezho Danny boyle was the director of a very popular zombie movie called '28 days later' in which we see the beginnings of a zombie infection outbreak, and then cut to 28 days later when it's taken over the world, that's why i'm saying, if Stephen is right, then Danny Boyle was ten days wrong, but thanks for being condescending anyway.

[thagrammarnazi]

@thagrammarnazi Hmm true, I probably over-estimated.

[mijhtims]

@thagrammarnazi Ah but that was only Britain, probably no even that entirely.

[craigberry007]

This was not explained correctly. Stephen Fry explained a linear progression, 'A' bites 'B' then 'B' bites 'C' then 'C' bites 'D' and so on, the number of zombies at each iteration is 1,2,3,4,5.... (1+1+1+1...)

To be an exponential progression 'A' bites 'B' then both 'A' and 'B' each find someone else to bite, the number of zombies at each iteration is 1,2,7,15,31... (1+2+4+8+16...)

[FrankyBabes]

If Stephen Fry says your name is Mel, then your name is Mel.

[newnilzizi]

I once started in Madagascar. No one was spared >:(

[MrFass]

Ah, but this is not considering the possibility that there might be some stubborn non-infected people with shotguns and good aim... That would probably lengthen the process...

[xxAlchemistressxx]

1:32 Alan's evil laughter. You're welcome :D

[JumpFirstLookLater1]

@Yakobjsr yeah 1 bites 1, that makes 2, then those 2 bite 2 more, so the first one has now bitten 2

[snazzymason303]

@ilovehorses22222 WOULD COME AND KILL ALL THE ZOMBIES FIRST!! DEATH TO ALAN!!! (poor anln, he's kl :) )

[Zortov]

Suddenly "28 days later" makes a lot more sense for a title.

[paperchains22]

Only a month? D:

*starts building a rocket to the moon*

[TolpuddleMartyr]

lol that Wade Davis thing was one of the few questions I've ever got right on QI and that's only because I've watched the X-Files episode 'Fresh Bones' about 100 times. Things you learn from the telly, eh?

[hamsta891]

What did sue do at the begining

[iheartap72]

"And then we'd all live in windmills and solve crimes!"

[SavageArms357]

This doesn't really make sense though, unless the zombies can still operate machinery, how do they cross the ocean to infect other countries?

[Azazeth90]

@SavageArms357 It takes some time from being bitten to turning. In that time people can start to convince themselves that they arent infected, and try to get help or be saved. Thus it spreads into closed areas.

[JockoGoesApeshit]

@SavageArms357 And even if they could walk around the world it would take longer than one month.

[SpazzyMcGee1337]

Actually, it's not the poison that renders the inflicted zombie-like. The poison supposedly puts an individual into a state resembling death and is then buried. The "zombifier" then digs up the grave to retrieve the still alive person, but by that point most of the person's mental faculties have been lost due to hypoxia induced brain damage. The community eventually sees the person they had thought dead & buried shuffling around, leading to the zombie myth of the stupefied walking dead.

[SpazzyMcGee1337]

"President of Madagascar! QI is discussing zombies!"

"Shut,

"Down,

"EVERYTHING"

[Fortevn]

I think it depends where and when it starts. If it's in a tropical country in summer, the zombies shall have not much time to be completely rotten. If biting is the only way it spreads, then I don't think a body with no muscle can do it.

[latrokatipo]

ahhhh when the population was 6.8 billion. Those were the days!

[KittyKattyYukiLvr]

I love the Pandemic jokes in the comment section! :)

[LoBiPlays]

FUUUGOOOO

[TheMikeyReilly]

Even if a zombie disease such as that in the Romero films existed, it would never spread.

Humans have evolved around killing. That's why we are top of the food chain. Plus, with a privately-owned firearm for an average of 1 in 12 on the planet, the zombies wouldn't get very far.

Not to mention the military, who would have them wiped out by lunchtime.

And of course, biting is a slow way to spread disease. If a dog gets rabies in USA on friday, by Monday we're not all in a deadly pandemic here.

[ferhordlingrads]

@TheMikeyReilly This. Slow, stupid zombies would first fail to attract proper action, then some disastrous outbreak would occur, people would panic, and the military would be motivated to swiftly wipe away an enemy that has no ranged weaponry, armor, or mechanization of any sort. There might be a few zombies here and there, but people would be aware of the problem and adapt and send the firearms industry's profits through the roof. More people would probably be killed as suspected zombies.

[e7l13]

You all seem to forget, there only needs to be one zombie on a boat or plane and they could go anywhere. It also didnt say how the zombies pass on their zombieness. If its like in shaun of the dead the infection could take hours to turn them. More than enough time for someone to go on a cruise to madagascar.

I already have a cricket bat ready incase of a zombie apocalypse =)

[KGzII]

Jimmy Carr's laugh is incredible XD

[timen1986]

@KGzII

exactly what i thought :)

[faiiintv3]

jimmy carr is wearing a lot of make up

[dirkcjelli]

Look up logistic curves...

[MissPezzalicious]

Alan Davies back from the dead, with a fantastic evil laugh. A horror movie I'd love.

[reksub10]

i think oit took just over a month to turn everyone into the living death when they put it on the statutes that we were all declared lost beyond the sea in 1666 ,making us all legal dead entites ,,,,

[BAMFPiccPimp]

hmm, i wonder if their math is accounting for the people who have trained against the zombie apocalypse.

[shakespeareninja]

alan zombie:

graaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnsssss

[PollyJuice]

@shakespeareninja

Epic! "The Strike of the Vegetarian Zombie!"

[uselesspocketwatch]

Ever played Pandemic? They'd never get into Madagascar.

[Tizaix]

@uselesspocketwatch What if it started in Madagascar? I remember reloading the game until I got Madagascar as my origin.

[henryific]

@uselesspocketwatch "prime minister of Madagascar, a man in Brazil coughed" "Shut down everything!"

[GameWorldLeader]

@uselesspocketwatch i know, its like you have to start their to win

[DollyMuna]

@uselesspocketwatch i got all of the countries once, started in madagascar XD

[pdlbean]

@uselesspocketwatch congratulations on winning the internet.

[Reyson01]

I'm sorry, but this seems rather bullshit. How would they travel across the ocean, to remote islands or even remote villages? Even at a smaller scale, places could go on lockdown and people would stay in their homes.

[hello01582]

@Reyson01 practically, you're right, but stephen was demonstrating the use of geometric progressions, just to show how quickly a virus could consume 7 billion people from just one infection

[balala00]

@Reyson01 It's a mathematical progression not a realistic scenario (assuming zombies exists, which they don't.)

[haxor98]

I wouldnt mind being a stephen fry zombie...

[him050]

Is Jimmy Carr wearing enough eyeliner?

[R9LegenderyFenomeno]

What about the people who live in the jungle? Why would the zombies go there?

[Xick]

Infinity. Madagascar.

[xxxrrrxxxrrr]

@Xick Close EVERYTHING!

[jantorin]

@Xick depends on how long before you become a zombie you could be biten and head for madagascar on a boat or something thinking you were allright

[TeddyAndFred]

I LOVE JIMMY AND SUE (sorry, Mel)

[Redeemedsinner17]

But how would zombies cross the seas? O.o

[Kabitu1]

@Redeemedsinner17 zomboats...

[spacecowboy5000]

@Redeemedsinner17 In the movie "Land of the Dead" a group of zombies has to cross a wide river to get to get to fresh brains. Apparently, they don't float so they walk along the bottom. I think it would be a wee bit more difficult to get across the Atlantic.

[shoseki]

Why is Jimmy wearing so much makeup?

[spacecowboy5000]

@shoseki He's actually a zombie...

[AnswerToNumber]

Fun fact: assuming a growth of 2^x it would take x=33 "generations to spread to 8.5 billions, more that whole human population. Also, after about 44 additional days the zombies would weigh more than the rest of the earth. Hmm...

[pedinoway2]

im laughing at jimmy carr's laughter

[Android18uk]

Poor Mel...Uh..I mean Sue.

[GGov86]

This is a bit of a stupid question, if you don't give them any sort of time from infection to infection.

[NucularRobit]

@GGov86 My first question was "Are we talking Dawn of the Dead or 28 Days Later zombies?" One is very fast and highly contagious the other creates super slow zombies that have to bite you then let you live. How likely is the latter? The difference in spread time would be huge.

[misterkami2]

@GGov86 True..

plus; what if one person was hiding like in "I am Legend" or something..?

I bet the 38 days calculation is based on a single continent, where every zombie gets to bite one person every day or something.. which is still hard, because after about 2 weeks most zombies would only meet zombies wherever they go..

[AntiMessiah2023]

How would the zombies cross the ocean? Australia is isolated form the whole world as is the Americas from Eurasia & Africa!

[MrCherryaid]

@AntiMessiah2023 Birds, Mice, people who don't know their infected and travel to another country before it shows...

Alot of ways :)

[AntiMessiah2023]

@MrCherryaid lol..good one! tnx :)

[IoEstasCedonta]

For all the jokes about Stephen calling Sue the wrong name, no one's pointed out that he never gave an amount of time between bites. And, of course, there's the assumption that the frequency of the bites per zombie neither increases nor decreases over time.

Then again, what else would you expect from an American doctor?

[sabbywins]

@IoEstasCedonta Last time I checked, Stephen Fry wasn't American.

[IoEstasCedonta]

@sabbywins I think you've rather impressively missed the point.

[sabbywins]

@IoEstasCedonta Then please do explain, because I may be interpreting it differently then you ment it.

[Daleksaresupreme1]

@sabbywins i dont get it ever

[Daleksaresupreme1]

@IoEstasCedonta i dont get it ever

[ravenhousegaming]

I don't recall zombies being able to fly airplanes or sail boats. The real answer would be "impossible to infect the whole population of earth, due to continents being apart from eachother"

[rogeredtabbit]

I love how nonchalantly Alan says "Sue"

[sasuke5088]

Didn't Jeffrey Dahmer try to make a zombie by drilling a hole into a victim's skull and pouring acid into it?

[GarnetBering93]

Jimmy's laugh

[JimmySteller]

@GarnetBering93

Also Alan's laugh at 1:33

[Jimmy81691]

considering how well we are at making polar bears and tigers go extinct, I wouldn't think stopping a zombie invasion would be all that difficult. Unless they can run. And use logical reasoning. And the virus can be transmitted through air.

[wubs23]

the real question is ofcourse, who would be the last normal person left?

my money is on chuck norris. either that, or Roy Dennis.

because seriously, who is going to bite him?

[Metatality]

Poor Mel...

[MrBuch169169]

"No-one noticed, Hugh!"

[Ryoushadow]

It would take infinity time. Madagascar would close all transport systems and they'd never get infected!

[Richy15251]

this assumes that a zombie bites fewer than one person a day :S

[livstar93]

@almightybob101 I wasnt aware she had a comedy partner since ive only ever seen her on shows like this, when she is alone. So it made sense to assume he just made a random mistake, which does happen now and again

[AcroStigma]

@livstar93 That's what makes Alan calling Stephen 'Hugh' amusing - so you've missed out on that joke xD Stephen embarrassed is so adorable though.

[darthdenji]

What show is this?

[Akfilm92]

@darthdenji

It's still QI as far as I'm concerned :D Check it out! It's remarkably good! :P

[Myzelfa]

As an American, I have no idea who Mel is, but it's still funny.

[livstar93]

@Myzelfa you arent meant to know who "mel" is. there is no mel at all. he just got her name wrong.

[Akfilm92]

@livstar93

Stephen is thinking about Mel Giedroyc

[almightybob101]

@livstar93 Stephen was thinking of Mel Giedroyc, Sue Perkins' comedy partner. So it's not COMPLETELY random :P

[KrimHyu]

who actually did the math to figure that shite out i think these bastards could spend thier time doing better things like... i dont know smashing thier heads off walls screaming WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE

[IoEstasCedonta]

"No one knows, Hugh."

[SirrSnowman]

"Sue...."

[JTProud]

I thought "and then we'd all live in windmills and solve crime" was even funnier when I saw this for the first time and had no idea what Jonathan Creek was.

[EbsNhexz]

So if 28 days later was accurate the film would begin 10 days before the entire world was fucked.

[drummeruptheirons]

@EbsNhexz 28 days later is limited to Britain, not the whole world. 6.8 billion people don't live in the UK

[EbsNhexz]

@drummeruptheirons Yes but if the world is turned in 38 days and the plague started in Britain the chances of anyone mooching around Westminster after 28 days is highly unlikely.I was very surprised to find out that the film doesn't adhere to reality..an non-factual movie! who would have thought!...there are people in the world who aren't British!?!?!The cheeky bastards have no right to come from anywhere apart from the UK!!

[rainbowofhazes]

well it would really depends on the time it takes you to become a azombie after you're bitten. If its a week, you'd travel via sophisticated means and then turn somewhere around the world, but if its instant it would take a lot more time(assuming zombies lack sophisticated thinking abilities)

[doc1917]

do think that will come back and bite stephen in the ass?

[SeeCaseyPlay]

"No one noticed, Hugh"

[Jeroenoman]

Jimmy has the weirdest laugh ever.

[sinnedinho]

Yeah, anyone who has played Pandemic knows Madagascar is safe.

[wolfchimneyrock]

Madagascar would be safe

[Akfilm92]

@wolfchimneyrock

yes, pretty much any island would be fine to flee to, unless zombies take ferries or are perfect swimmers, given that the zombie disease didn't start there. Though if it did, it is possible that you get the disease without knowing it and escape and then in turn spread it at the place you travel to, when you get the syndrome ^^

[wolfchimneyrock]

@Akfilm92 I say madagascar specifically because they only have one port of entry and the president is famous for shutting it down at global virus outbreaks like swine flu, bird flu, mad cow etc...

[Akfilm92]

@wolfchimneyrock

oh :D thanks for that piece of info, I sure didn't know that :P

[retteretter]

@Akfilm92 I'm afraid sir that you've been on the recieving end of someone making a reference to the game 'Pandemic' or 'Pandemic 2'. Basically the only way you can win the game is to infect Madagascar first, because they close everything down as soon as the game starts :)

'Shut... Down.... EVERYTHING'

[Akfilm92]

@retteretter

haha, good laugh, thank you :D haven't played or heard of the game pandemic though. i'm afraid :P

[Anthonyk312]

@Akfilm92 i have.

[XxSharkBatexX]

@Akfilm92 Actually, zombies don't have to be perfect swimmers. Seeing as they are animated corpses, they can just walk on the bottom of the ocean, stopping only to nibble on a scuba diver or two to replenish themselves, to arrive at their destination some weeks or months later, depending on how far it is and whether they brought a SatNav.

Ferries would be a far less useful method for a zombie to attempt to use, because once they've eaten the whole crew, there'll be no one to operate the ferry.

[Akfilm92]

@XxSharkBatexX

Haha true about walking on the bottom and the use of sat navs, I like your sense of humour :P Yes, ferries are not to count on haha, very true. I was sarcastic though, meant that the zombies themselves would be driving the ferries, but yeah, ferries wouldn't work - not even slightly :P

[XxSharkBatexX]

@Akfilm92 Thank you :)

I can also fully understand that you were being sarcastic about this - not only because you've proven, by taking a liking to QI, to have a greater developed sense of humour than a large part of society, but also because it would be quite pointless for one to make serious remarks on the hypothetical abilities of non-existant creatures.

It would be quite a sight; I can just picture a zombie and his girlfriend in striped jersey and hat, driving a ferrie and smoking cigars. :P

[Akfilm92]

@XxSharkBatexX

Why, thank you :P

Lol, the aristocratic zombie couple, having money to afford a ferry to spread the new hobby of making people join the fashion-linked zombie world ^^

[XxSharkBatexX]

@Akfilm92 *Snicker* :D

[viridismonasteriense]

Alan's evil laugh is awesome.

[ObsidianJones]

Is no one going to mention that zombies do not drive, fly, or sail? The average speed of a person and the distance in between where people actually live should be taken into account.

[AnimalNitrates]

@ObsidianJones Zombies do all of those.

[SlockNCFC191]

@ObsidianJones depends on the speed of infection. If instant, you are correct. If longer than a few days, someone could easily only receive a small amount of infection, then travel (EG a businessman) and succumb in a completely different part of the world and begin spreading the infection there.

World War Z by Max Brookes. Read it :)

[nicksal321]

But if the rule of exponential growth applies to diseases passed by biting, wouldn't every dog in the world have rabies? That disease certainly has been around longer than 30 days.

[Akfilm92]

@nicksal321 well, the problem with that is that rabies sick dogs are in almost all cases put to sleep, unless you give it an anti-rabies vaccine at an early stage, and when sick they don't get to go near other dogs. Talking about dogs seeing other dogs, they only see each other when taking a walk with its owner - they're mostly at home, and the number of dogs walking outside simultaneously is small anyway, in the same area where your dog is out.

[Akfilm92]

@Akfilm92 and a dog that is sick and bites other people/dogs, I would say is not someone that you would take to a place with many dogs, such as a dog park.

[lanegwyn]

"And then we'd all live in windmills and solve crime." XD

[SatoTM3]

@lanegwyn i dont get it..

[lanegwyn]

@SatoTM3 Alan Davies (the curly-haired one) is best known for his role as Jonathan Creek, crime-solving, windmill-living-in magician. I've never actually seen the show, but it's Davies's original claim to fame.

[Theaterfreak]

"And Jack will bite Mel."

"Sue."

*raucous laughter and applause*

That is what us Lowly Mortals would call a Fail :).

[jamboliboli]

@Theaterfreak I hate people like you, we can all hear what is being said in the video. We don't need a repeat.

[Theaterfreak]

@jamboliboli And I hate people like you who take it personally that people feel the need to repeat the funniest parts of videos. Do you go to your friends and family and tell them 'I hate you' when they (or even yourself) quote parts of films or television programmes? Get over it.

[tclol1]

@Theaterfreak i love that jimmy says mel looks nothing like herself, then stephen calls her mel again x)

[Theaterfreak]

@tclol1 Yeah XD