It's Me Or The Porn! You Choose...

[Flap93]

have they EVER defended a women?

[devilshomie]

Oh my god, it is not that big of a deal if your man/woman watches porn. Jesus I am not that insecure to be jelouse of a porn star. It's a masterbation tool, I've had girlfriends watch porn in private as well as boyfriendsm even I watch it. Granted if he's addicted to it that's another story but if he just occasionally uses it then there's nothing wrong with it.

[7146533]

she could be a fat nasty bitch, most guys need porn cause women are so f..in BS, even the ones with the hot box are cranky and it is better to jack it then deal wiht nasty hot bitches - whne the hotties are in a good mood then full steam ahead and ram it ram it

[binglejells]

Wow, sure sounds like porn addiction to me. Lies, denials, lack of attention..

[inTubeHD]

hubpages(dot)com/hub/Positive-­effects-of-Porn

[08071987]

wow these two did not help at all it seemed as if they were actully looking for flaws in that womans letter condeming the women and making ALL men look like victims of being restricted form the right to watch porn?? all while distorting the facts

in general these two are only sex and porn advocats they don't know much bout normal people and sain relationships sorry

the guys a pervert a womanizer, if this guy truly loved his girl he would forget about the porn and keep his eyes on his lady.

[IAmElisabeth1]

yes he does have to stop or i'm gone. i deserve better. he can have porn. that's fine w/ me i don't need him.

[trezonz]

I would just choose porn over you, I'd take a nail gun in thetesticles over you.

[IAmElisabeth1]

i bet the husband (dan) looks at porn and the wife is like, well, i don't want him to go away... and it's okay... so she's probably putting it to her situation.

[altaira06]

religion aside, when you're in a committed relationship that relationship should be between you and that other person. Saying men are more visual creatures is such an excuse. EVERYONE is a visual creature! you should only want to get off on the person you're with, not someone else. viewing pornography may not be considered physically cheating but it's definately emotionally cheating.

[IAmElisabeth1]

oh totally true. my friend who has a major in psychology (earned in 2005) said that porn is due to the man not feeling safe with the woman and being anxious about intimacy *being really close not just physically* her husband is a counselor for men who are addicted to porn and this is always the findings he discovers. i consider porn to be cheating and if my boyfriend/husband/spouse does, i'm leaving. period. i demand respect or no relationship

[eleggance]

@IAmElisabeth1 Yes, a woman must never use sex toys in a relationship also if you say, no man should see porn in a relationship. Simple as that

[eleggance]

@altaira06 What about women using sex toys in a relationship ? do you also consider it cheating by a woman ?

[stuge4life]

i rember i use to have this problem also then i heard tht these happen cause were scared of being social with other people making new friends goin out etc. so once i started being social with everyone and i didnt care what ppl might say bout me or judge me things change and porn doesnt cross thru my mind anymore.. n feel good bout it cause now i can go on my computer check in n check out.

[stuge4life]

keep yourself busy when ever your mind wants to just. think bout something else and keep yourself busy

[eljagg01]

These guys would be awesome if they weren't so pro-porn. Of all the questions that come up from women who are hurt by it, their best advice is "get over it".

It has nothing to do with "controlling another person". If you're in a committed relationship and your partner confides that your actions hurt him or her, what is the responsible thing to do?

[humblenerd147]

porn is actually really boring, it works but is sooo boring, really whats the point

[gnnrdluv]

it makes me laugh lol

[dods628]

blah blah blah XXXAdultTube[.]com

[jsg103]

I for one love porn, fwapping, and my g/f, they are not mutually exclusive...

[lahluv]

why do people get so fed up when their partners look at porn. especiall if the partner look like a ugly troll.

[a1212]

wow i enjoy all your vids check mine out!

[gaemo2008]

caution if this post is wrong or your not happy with it from the bottom of my heart im sorry. thinking back 2 or so years ago at school i remember the girls talking 1 said have you looked at porn with someone one girl said yes now that day i walk out the class reason being the teacher said nothing to them but i got in trouble my beliefs just laughed and to this day it still bothers my by the way im 18 beliefs being porn is wrong

[HailChaos]

I'm sorry... was that even english you were speaking?

[ejg626]

And the way I look at, the woman that accept their man looking at porn, are the insecure ones. They are afraid of losing them if they don't tolerate it. What a way to dumb down woman. Being submissive to neglecting her needs.

[DanAndJenn]

Interesting comment... How do you feel about women who enjoy watching porn?

[ejg626]

what about when you are a beautiful woman and your husband does not KNOW how to take care of his woman because he thinks porn is education on sex. and never makes love or has sex with her. That's fucked up

[CelineSaddern]

I personally dislike All forms of porn(romance novels too), but I realise for as may positive points I have. To men that is a BIG minus. If you are okay with being free(or without a man) like me it's fine. You tell man 'I hate porn, if it stays I leave' and the stick to, its fine. I'm sorry, but I don't see a problem with having that veiw. As long your willing to say no boyfriend.

[kolja123]

This is stupid! Porn creates an image of woman that his wife can not match. I guess you this guy would be ok if he finds out his wife is masturbating on younger guys and has fantasies about younger taller man with pumped muscles... don't think so, yet it is just ok 4 him to watch porn...

[coolmask123]

damn shes selfish

[rosamond2009]

Humans are born selfish but it is love when we can think of and for the other person. You can really say that love is quite unatural and yet everybody I know wants it without having to work for it. Oxymorinic don't you think? Please correct me if I misunderstood you.

[coolmask123]

who knows

[pred178]

Men watch porn because it gives them a sense of variety. It's like eating the same thing every day, you need a break every now and then or maybe all the time it depends. Look at a pride of lions, one male for every ten females it's no different with human males the object is to "spread our seed to as many females as possible, but most men don't want to cheat so we watch porn instead. It gives us the illusion of vareity without infedelity plus it's a quick fix in an ever fast paced world.

[prostyle2005]

so if a man uses male sex toys(fleshlight, etc.) but has another partner in the house and then you ask to have sex and he dosnt want to but he uses the toy what does that mean (do you get what im talking about)

[KelseyHard]

so i am in a exclusive relationship. i love sex and want it at least once a day but he doesnt. i tryed starting one morning and he shut me down and i went to take a shower and then i got out i caught him using porn. i felt hurt he wouldnt with me but he will with porn and me in the house .....Help?????

[DanAndJenn]

This type of behavior typically results from some other issues in the relationship, but it could also start to cross over into the addiction category.

He's actually watching porn instead of having real sex regularly. That could definitely point to a real problem.

It could also be that he may not have the libido to have sex once per day... Sometimes men just want that quick release. So unless it's something that he does all the time, I wouldn't get too worked up about an occasional 'release'.

[pulsar38]

Earthgirl3413 2 things one ethier a watch porn with him get him worked up while watching the porn. Think for a momment your bf might be thinking of you while watchinjg porn he may even be thinking of doing thoes things to you thats happening in the porn & second make a porn with him or for him. Im not saying with another guy but use toys dress kinky to what he likes and give it to him so when he watches porn it's you he's watching or the both of you. Don't lose your bf u love over porn.

[XbunnyxscotchX]

why doesn't she just ask him WHy he likes porn somutch, And if he is not happy with the sex life that you to are having. you should open up to that and deal with it. from that piont you kan say, I'm breaking up with you because of the porn, OR, I'm gonna make our sex live better with and because of this porn...

[TheSpoom]

IMHO, porn is not something men watch because of a lack of sex life, usually. It's likely not the case that she's "not doing something" in their sex life, it's that, well, his libido might be a bit higher and he's getting release. It's stupid to say it's mutually exclusive to have a good sex life and still masturbate, and it's ever more divisive to say that he's "cheating" because of the porn.

[rico667]

omg man is simple its absolutely normal for a guy to have fantasies n instead of u fufilling them ur destroying them. Its not fair man was born with imagination so he wouldnt get board not to be scolded. Argggggggggg!

[chris37363]

straight up man!

[3xut]

all your advice really sucks!

[bindingtheory]

The woman refers to "using" porn, so I'm assuming he was jerking off. Is the issue masturbation? Would the woman prefer having sex every time he's horny? Men need to get off more (on average) than women, and they need more variety. This woman should be downright HAPPY that her husband is jerking off to a fantasy rather than finding another woman to have sex with. It shows that he's happy with her. Making him stop will only make him resent her, and make her upset when he does it anyway.

[Annette1234]

I am 100% not agree with you. I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 2 years now and he used ot have a porn addiction, before we got together he would watch it like 2-3 times a day! and when we mosed in he watch it too , i told him to stop because : i am horny as, he doesnt give me sex BUt watches porn instead! Men need to get off more? bullcrap, im horny 23\7 he is horny once a week! tho he did watch porn all the time and had a masty. how does that make me feel?

[TheSpoom]

So you think every other relationship is the same as yours?

[DanAndJenn]

No two relationships are the same. The only way that we can each find what is best and what works for our relationship is to talk openly and honestly with one another. To share our hopes, desires, and fears with our partner.

This includes sex.

So many people tend to be so judgmental and afraid of sex that they won't even talk about it with the persona that they're having sex with!

[TheSpoom]

To be clear, my comment wasn't referring to you guys, it was referring to someone below who said something to the effect that she "fixed" her boyfriend of his "porn addiction" and that effectively everyone should be able to do so. I completely agree that people should try to accept their partners as they are, and that (as I mentioned in another comment) porn is not anything to do with a lack of sex life usually, but a simple release, often when the man's libido is higher than the woman's.

[Annette1234]

i told him to stop but would find that he watched it again n we had so many problems i have him like 3 second chances to stop watching it and eventually i sed thats the last chance n you out the door, guess what he stopped watching it , he knows if he will he will be out. N i keep making sure he doesnt do it. WHat men think it not what every woman agrees with. I consider cheating as betraying , to me betraying is if you think about another woman , which you do when you watch porn.

[Annette1234]

if he keeps watching porn just dump his ass you obviously dont satisfy him enough that he has to think about other women. If he really loves you he will give it up.

[picegunner]

its not that she would be not satisfying him its just women scientifically have a lower sex drive than men so if the women dosent want to have sex then does that mean she dosent love him. men have a natural need to ejaculate so its alot better do just let him do it if he is choosing it over you then thts a problem

[lavinder11]

Where is it scientifically proven that women have lower sex drives than men? Do you mean all women? Why is it so wrong to just say that you enjoy porn?

Why do people feel the need to justify porn? If you like it, then you do. Trying to esteem it in the eyes of people who don't makes it seem worse than it is.

[SpaceSolar]

Statements such as "if he really loves you, he will give it up" have been the end of more relationships than I could catalogue if I spent my whole life on it. To you, Annette, I say the following:

Not every experience is the same as yours. From what you have said, I can see that the situation you were in was, in your perception, legitimately intolerable. But you cannot extrapolate to completely different people from that.

[eleggance]

@bindingtheory You are absolutely right.. I really appreciate your comments. Watching porn does not mean he is insulting his woman. A Man always cannot have sex with his woman. Sometimes woman is not in mood and sometimes a man is not in the mood, so releasing tension by masturbating to porn is totally right act. Look, many married women also use sex toys but men are not offended by it coz men know women have trouble getting orgasm so sex toys help them.

[bindingtheory]

This is the kind of complaint that makes me glad I'm gay. I have a female friend who thinks that if her husband watches porn, it's equivalent to cheating on her. It's not. No man alive thinks that watching porn is anything like cheating on his partner. Some couples watch porn together. Does that mean it's equivalent to an orgy? There is no physical or emotional relationship (or even physical CONTACT) with another person. The issue isn't cheating. The issue is this woman's insecurity.

[Noob1335]

I don't see a point to watch porn while you're already married.

[itachikisametobi]

porn sucks

[TheGangVideos]

such a weird topic.but you don't think about this when your looking at it.its the same thing everytime.he touches that.she sucks this.something goes in somewhere.same thing over and over.

[wandermank18]

Bravo! Bravo! The woman who wrote the letter should just accept her husband and love him "as is." Not try to change him.

A very few men have a real problem with porn addiction, but for most guys it is a healthy and normal thing. The same way a few people can be addicted to sex, but for most people it is a healthy part of a relationship.

I hope the woman who sent the message realized that and stopped terrorizing her poor husband.

[Icelordess]

Porn is like watching something you can't do in real life. You need it because things on porn are what people may dream of in life. It won't mean it is a substitute for sex. The best way or cure to solve this is for the wife or partner try watching with him, instead of finding a way to find fault. It is true that a lot of women try to find fault so they have something to argue about.

[kurdishprince09]

BORING, BRING UP INTRESTING TOPICS!

[gossamerwindweb]

As usual, you are totally right. She needs to maybe tell him that she would appreciate more of his attention.

Or perhaps she feels she isn't getting enough sex, and yet he masturbates watching porn. In that case, why not ask him to come try to have sex with her if he gets turned on watching porn! I don't understand why some women are so appalled by the thought their man might be turned on by something else and have sex with them.

Try to relax. I know it's hard but... deep breaths! ;)

[rva1945]

My wife and I often see some porn and sometimes we add some of those "lessons" to our sex life and enjoy it a lot. After 14 yr married we still find many ways to turn us on. For example, she turns on very quickly when watching a scene where a woman is getting oral sex from a man. After watching that scene, I have no escape!

[DanAndJenn]

:-)

Thanks for sharing!

[toamaori]

You guys are GREAT Dan and Jenn :)

[edmondov]

Buy Dell computer , they are good for watching porn.

[earthgirl3413]

well im talkin about my relationship n how ther are double standerds i didnt say every guy but with my relation ship theres alot

[DanAndJenn]

Girl, there are double standards in every relationship - LOL. Just try to accept that. Men and women are very different species and we all have an agenda. :-)

[Bobzeaux]

HA! Awesome point about the hypocrisy of porn VS. romance novels. >:D

I love how the letter never says how much or little sex the wife is having as a result of her husband watching porn.

[DanAndJenn]

LOL - great comment.

We all have to remember - men are very visual and women are all about feeling and emotion. So you are actually right on with your comment. Romance novels are truly a woman's pornography. "Girl Porn" :-)

[DanAndJenn]

BTW - with that attitude - she's probably getting very little... He's either very afraid or mad as hell.

[Bobzeaux]

Or, like most women out there, she's blowing things way out of proportion. :P

[meestahwill]

It is well 'known' that men are more visually stimulated compared to women being more emotionally stimulated and visceral. She needs to get over her insecurities before she runs him off....her next husband may be an adulterous, out of work, wife-beater. Maybe that is what she really wants anyway. :P

BTW, I love me some Dan and Jenn!

[rosamond2009]

To everyone here, life will never be as simple so that we may condense it into one sentence. Dan and Jenn are judging too harshly and making quick snaps at the whole situation. We don't know half of what the couple are going through.

[doug47130]

Good advice.

[earthgirl3413]

i take it u aint the jeoluse type? me n my bf are thats why some times its just to much n we both clash.

[earthgirl3413]

well i never liked it i watched porn wen i had no bf but now that ive got one i dont. but i see ur point completly but thats just not me lol iam a very jeoluse person, which has caused lots of fights between us lol i wish i could get over it but if my bf likes another womans body i figure he can go with her n if i liked another mans body i wouldnt be with my bf

[DanAndJenn]

Our quote on this topic - which makes a lot of people angry - is this...

Love is not sex and sex is not love. You can not 'own' or 'control' your lover, his feelings, or his body and trying to will only lead to frustration.

Jealousy is very common in our society because society is all about ownership and control - why do you think that our world history is defined by war and conquest? It's really no different if you think about it...

[earthgirl3413]

i hate wen my bf watches porn it means he looks at other girls in sexual ways its cheating in its own form i think cas hes imagining doing them so i just dont under stand if thats ok. if i were to tell my bf i imagine fukin other guys hed flip out why is it so double standerd with guys?

[Bobzeaux]

Don't get me started on all of the double standards that are in WOMEN'S favor, madame.

[wandermank18]

The double standard only exists in your mind. It is OK for your bf to fantasize about other women!! That is NORMAL!!!! Get over it.

...but it is also OK for you to fantasize about other men, that's fine too.

[rosamond2009]

Pornography didn't always exist. It was fairly recently when playboy came out and commercialized it. So if it is so innate then how did those people back in the day deal with it? If he isn't going to work it out with you, then move on. If you can work it together with him then great! Just know that you are precious and you deserve the BEST.

[lavinder11]

It's true porn was recently commercialized, but it's always been around. Look up Eveready Harton.

This time, the advice was ok, but it felt a little condescending to me. I've dealt with a guy that was into porn nonstop. I enjoy it, but he was ridiculous. ALL DAY. Needless to say, that relationship is over.

[Metatheist]

"use" porn? I watch porn. I "use" something else :P

[seprehuoyeviglli]

Lol.

Nice!

[I1129M]

yay porn home movie~!

[AutumnBrooke]

Great advice as usual. I love that your advice is not the typical, mainstream "OMG, get him help, he's addicted to porn!" bs that you'd see on Dr. Phil or something.