Emotional Vampires: Saying Goodbye to Toxic Friends

[RowanSummerAlexander]

Awesome information!!! Thank you so much for sharing!!! Wayyyy to Go!!!!

[town1960]

What if it is your boss? I have had two bosses in a row that are what you described.

[4MINGTHOUGHTS]

@town1960

Have you seen my video Emotional Vampires : The Dance ? Check it out and then if you still have questions, I would be happy to hear them.

[piloooogen]

Well one week and I have pretty much fixed it I started Monday by telling "this isnt working out". Then I have been around for company of others so that I would be more independent. A tip from me on how to deal with them is to be VERY social no matter what (I´m autistic) EVs doesn't have power on people enjoying each others in group! Thought first week was one of the most draining of all life now I feel pretty secure must NOT let him in for third time....

[4MINGTHOUGHTS]

@piloooogen

Yeah. Congrads.  Thank you for the update. Hope your still sticking to your guns and giving the EV a polite cold shoulder. My best wishes are with you.

Michelle

[SHACKTRESS]

here u women... dealing with it now...

[piloooogen]

Man o man you really know this!!!!! I own you something if this works.

[4MINGTHOUGHTS]

@piloooogen

Please keep me updated. Remember to be consistent and firm with your dealings with any EV.

[rtisleo]

This is good sound advice. Some EV's will insist on pulling you into their drama, even after you clearly have expressed a disinterest.So being firm and saying goodbye and moving on is a wise thing to do.

[JillAngie2]

Wise words and very well thought out and communicated. Thank you for sharing :-)

[Annieob1978]

Then I was able to finally text "we have nothing more to talk about do not contact me again". Needless to say they toxic person kept trying to call then gave up for a couple weeks and then tried again!! I ignored all calls at this point and changed both my house and mobile number!!! this is the short version of a long story but it can be done i just hope she stays away now. Thank you for these videos I watched them for guidance all the way through!

[4MINGTHOUGHTS]

@Annieob1978

Please let me know how it all turned out. I would also be interested in hearing if the videos help you avoid and EV in your future. Thanks for the support.

[Annieob1978]

Well these videos helped me to begin the joiurnery of really realising how damaging toxic "friends" can be and that they need to go!!! A few months ago I did this and and tryed to do it nicelyand the true poisonous colours of the vampire appeared

[SovereignBeing]

they are reptilians, that is what they really are, reptilians have the profile of narsissistic personality disorder, psychopathy and borderline personality disorder..

look up the reptilians and you will get more info on this..

[Nature9000]

Hmm, a question. This is to those people that aren't actually friends and don't actually have actual problems that could be worked through and aren't the people that are only looking for sympathy or pity, right?

[4MINGTHOUGHTS]

@Nature9000

Everyone is going to have a problem here and there in life. Supporting a friend is important and you should be there for them. But an EV is someone who ALWAYS has a problem. Imagined, real or self created, they always have a problem and their sole goal is to drain you of all your sympathy, attention, compassion and time. They suck you dry to a point you don't want to answer the phone or door. Hope that helped.

[Nature9000]

@4MINGTHOUGHTS Yes that makes sense, definitely good to know the line there. I sometimes tend to try and help the person get out of being the EV, but it sometimes ends up that they eventually drain me to that point. However in some cases there seems to be change, the ones that do wind up being able to change from that statistic, I would be proud of. I definitely need to use your tips though, might help me out a load when I'm just too burned out and have no time to deal with the crap

[4MINGTHOUGHTS]

@Nature9000

Everyone is going to have a problem here and there in life. Supporting a friend is important and you should be there for them. But an EV is someone who ALWAYS has a problem. Imagined, real or self created, they always have a problem and their sole goal is to drain you of all your sympathy, attention, compassion and time. They suck you dry to a point you don't want to answer the phone or door. Hope that helped.

[4MINGTHOUGHTS]

@Nature9000

Everyone is going to have a problem here and there in life. Supporting a friend is important and you should be there for them. But an EV is someone who ALWAYS has a problem. Imagined, real or self created, they always have a problem and their sole goal is to drain you of all your sympathy, attention, compasion and time. They suck you dry to a point you don't want to answer the phone or door. Hope that helped.

[Lotus0812]

Thanks for great advice, and I agree with all of this. My problem is that the EV has "infiltrated" my life in different ways. She has befriended a lot of people in my circle of friends, and I know that she has already tried to slip in little comments about me to people. She is the kind of person that will talk and talk and talk about the highs and lows of her love life to EVERYONE that will listen. She also gets sympathy because she has cancer a few years ago. Always the victim. I feel invaded!

[Lotus0812]

@Lotus0812 Cont. She is constantly trying to compete with people, and if she comes into your home and likes your style, she will run off and adopt it. Next thing you know, she has decorated her house the same way as you! She constantly complains about being single and how broke she is, yet she is the one that takes the longest vacations and buys what she wants. My problem is that I can see all of this very clearly, but don´t want to tell other people. It will only make me look bad and petty!

[4MINGTHOUGHTS]

@Lotus0812

Each of must have our own "dance" with an EV. Telling others doesn't really get us any where. Just rest assured that if she infiltrated your circle and you were the initial person to bring her in, others will eventually see why you have distanced yourself as they themselves try to distance. EV's are charming and enigmatic people but in time the true colors show, Just give things time to go back to normal and you will see that they will.

[Lotus0812]

@4MINGTHOUGHTS Thank you so much for your response! It truly is draining and I think that some people are realizing what her deal is. My problem is that I´ve known her for about 8 years and she sort of comes and goes. If she gets involved in a relationship, she will call, but only to talk about how great everything is in her life. I went through my mothers illness and my fathers death during a time when she was in a relationship. She never really cared or bothered! cont.

[Lotus0812]

@Lotus0812 she never really cares how other people are, and you don´t have a conversation. You are an audience being talked to! I´m so fed up with her now that the mere thought of spending time in the same room gives me the creeps, to be honest! I don´t trust her and I just don´t have anything in common with her. She drains me, totally! Thanks for your insight and great clip. Very wise words and I will keep watching it... on repeat :-) LOL

[4MINGTHOUGHTS]

@Lotus0812

Try using the steps in the videos on how to rid yourself of her. You don't have to be in the same room with her if you choose not to. By chance you do end up in a room with her try the techniques and she will feel the force of energy from you. Always remember when you think of her that you are responsible for your feelings and not anyone else's so you must focus on you and how to make sure your energy is protected and not drained. cont.

[4MINGTHOUGHTS]

@4MINGTHOUGHTS

It's not rude to tell someone that you don't have the energy to listen to them and that you are focused on you. Simply end that with, I hope you understand. Any person worth having around will respect that statement and wish you luck on your journey. I have been where you are and it's the final stage to shedding the EV. My warm thoughts are with you as you rid yourself of this vampire.

[Lotus0812]

@4MINGTHOUGHTS Thank you so much, and I will definitely follow your advice. The next time she calls or starts talking about her detailed love life, I will tell her that I just don´t have the energy to listen to her. Nor do I want to spend my time listening to it anymore! Going through my mothers illness and my fathers death has changed me. I just don´t have the interest in her stuff (baggage) anymore. Life is too short and I want to spend my energy wisely! Thank you once again!!

[RadiantChild1]

u are giving very good advice. thank you . please keep sharing

[Annieob1978]

I just got rid of one ..... this week! She started a rumour about me in an attempt to plit up my family!!! It didn't work but how do you deal with that? It's so hard when the person is jealous, bitter and twisted! Who needs enemies when you get frenemies lol x

[lexikalfanfic]

One additional note- I agree with most of this but I don't think you have to have a reason not to answer the phone. The EV in my life right now (who lives in my building) will come down to my apartment and bang on the door continuously or send his girlfriend to do it. At least if I don't answer he doesn't know I am home, and I have explained to him before that I don't like to answer the phone for "chit chat" (drama) and like my time to myself. That's enough of a reason I think.

[lexikalfanfic]

Thanks for this. I moved to a new place about 2 months ago. Right away a neighbor started giving me stuf as housewarming gifts (stuff I didn't need or want and tried politely to give back, but it would be left on my door step). This person went and got vegetables for me (I didn't want or ask for this) and put them in my fridge. This person phones me 2-3 times a day and is very needy. If I want time to myself he blows up and acts like a victim. Tired of this crap. Thanks for posting.

[vlindervvv]

your teeth are very straight and pretty :)

[4MINGTHOUGHTS]

@vlindervvv

Umm Thank you. LOL. Very kind of you to say.

xoxox

Michelle

[lilscsey85]

Wow this is fantastic. Thankyou so much for sharing this, very helpful and informative !!! :DDD

[lauranaabdo]

You know? I suffered from really bad deppresion after my mom died, months after I was still depressed, I needed to talk, used to tallk to a friend and tell her how sad and scared I was feeling, not evreryday, buy whenever I called or she called. I heard her calling me an EV at work and she started ignoring me. I just needed someone to talk to and she was my friend. Aren't we supposed to talk to friends about sad things, really? must we be that selfish?

[4MINGTHOUGHTS]

@lauranaabdo

You bring up a good point. Not everyone who talks about their problems is an EV. I try to stress in the videos that it's those people who leave you FEELING drained that are draining you. I always have a shoulder for a friend in need it's when they demand my shoulder be there that I get that inner feeling of dread when I hear from them. I am sorry this person misunderstood your need. I am also sorry for your loss.

xoxxo

Michelle

[lauranaabdo]

@4MINGTHOUGHTS Thank u for answering Michelle :) The thing is that aparently I left her FEELING drained, that's why she walked away. This happened a while ago; I don't know if I was demanding her shoulder, for me friendship is about being there, I was there when she needed me so I guess I expected the same, does that make me an EV? how to tell the diference between a friend in need and an EV? Since then I keep my problems to myself and talk about them ONLY in therapy. Love your videos

[maritz3]

@4MINGTHOUGHTS I think that we need to introduce the term "emotional sissys" , these are "friends" who will walk away from u during hard times. These creatures will feel drained and emotionally abused when you talk to them about a dead relative, loosing your job, being sick, a divorce, etc. They will talk about the problem once (as a favor because their time is really valuable) but u better be over it and happy the next time cause if u're not u're an EV. They're just as dangerous as EVs

[jonessmithGB]

I'd only 'get rid' of people from my life entirely who don't practice self-growth and awareness.

[Sanaajeet]

This is excellent, thank you so much for this video, I find it helpful in communicating the boundaries in a guilt free way.

[javajunkie101]

This is very good to know. I am in a toxic friendship right now and the other person is having serious issues with me not letting her "drama" into my life. By distancing myself from her, it's making her nuts, but I have to take care of my feelings.

[LayDrayMusicTV]

Good Advice

[dontre2333]

even though my girlfriend put through hell with her guilt trips and drama why do i miss her why do i still think about her even thoug she put me through a lot of emotional and mental stress i dnt get it she was an ev in my life for sure

[4MINGTHOUGHTS]

@dontre2333

This is the "dance" we play in our lives. All humans are social creatures and we long for nothing more than to be loved and accepted for who we are so we learn to adapt to meet the needs of others to get the approval we desire, what we don't get taught is that approval from ourselves is truly the most rewarding gift one can give and recieve, thats the dirty secret hidden from us. We are told that is vanity. I call it healthy developement. Good luck your already a step ahead.

[dontre2333]

omg what a great video i was in a relationship with a girl who use to put me through a gang of guilt trips if i didnt respond the way she thought i should and i would end up being the one saying im sorry omg i needed this video back then thank you for this informative vid

[MsBrandy76]

Thank you so much for posting this video. I just recently ended a four year relationship with a man with Narcissistic personality disorder. Boy, a lot of what you said is so true! He would always accuse me of "hanging up" on him...although I would clearly say "goodbye". Wow....such a relief to know I am not the only one that has gone through stuff like this.

[4MINGTHOUGHTS]

@MsBrandy76

It was my pleasure to do this series on EV's. Narcissistic people are EV's with mental health issues. When a relationship requires us to walk on egg shells we need to examine what motivates us to stay. Sounds like you are aware that if you continued with him there was a huge chance you would eventually loose who you are and once that happens it takes along time to find ourselves again. My prayers and thoughts are with you and you are not alone. Many suffer this "dance"

[dontre2333]

@MsBrandy76 hey brandy i can relate tou cuz my ex would trip on me the same way and would accuse me of hanging up on her she would say i didint love her and she would make feel guilty if i told her im going over my buddies house she would leave all kinds of sarcastic text messages saying hope you and your friend are having fun r something like that man pure hell making her happy drama all the time wow but the funny thing is that i love that womwn isnt that crazy and i think about her

[b1LL1eMc]

what if they change and they want to talk about good stuff and contribute positively to the friendship? do you just get rid of them without giving them a chance to change?

[4MINGTHOUGHTS]

@b1LL1eMc

Ofcourse we don't get rid of the people who are healthy and nonpolluting in our lives. That decision is yours. I am happy to hear you found such a person, but ev's are masters at not letting their "emotional food bank go" so I would tread with caution for awhile.... Good luck my prayers are with ya.

xoxxo

Michelle

[blackwavy]

I still have one sucking the blood out of me AND I am empathic on top of that! I let her know recently, warning her in ending our friendship - 10 years!

[4MINGTHOUGHTS]

@blackwavy

I am an empath and I know how much having a leach can drain you. Sad truth is that because of the gift of empathic awareness you are even more likely to draw these blood/energy suckers to you. Try blocking the emotions especially around this person. I have noticed if I can make myself neutral around these types they starve and go away... Good luck my prayers are with ya.

Michelle

[nahum67]

great words

[stett99]

my gf left me drained she was a scorpio im a leo, this makes sense to me. i guess i was stealing her energy and i didnt even know it. what do you do when you realize you were the emotional vampire?, she smiled when i was so sad we were parting. i could tell she was happy with me being so sad because in her eyes she fed off the fact that we would never hang out again. im trying to find what i did wrong pls some help

[4MINGTHOUGHTS]

@stett99

Well realizing that you drain people is a very good start. You now need to figure out what your missing that requires you to suck the life out of other people. Basically being a vampire of energy boils down to a part of you that is being supressed and it hungers so you drain others. You must face yourself and like yourself to have others like you. PM me if you want a more detailed answer.

xoxxo

Michelle

[TheSpartacat]

Sigh, this is reminding me of someone who was in my life... who turned slowly from a normal person into an EV under my nose. Oddly enough they've just turned up in my life again, only last week, after an absence of 3 years- reactivated their Facebook and messaged me. Still contemplating how on EARTH to reply! :-/

(heard that they have changed a lot... but... i'm not convinced...)

[4MINGTHOUGHTS]

Kelli, You know better. First instinct says they haven't changed........they haven't and you don't have to messenger back. There is a little button called "ignore" I suggest you push it and not look back. Really, why do you have to feel guilty ignoring someone. If you are doing it to care for you then you don't owe anyone an explanation. Maybe just maybe this set of video's came as a reminder to you that all answers can be heard from within.

Good Luck

HUGS

Michelle

[TheSpartacat]

Yup, your videos are BEAUTIFULLY timed!!!! (and you know I pay attention to synchronicity)

:-)

[MsMizzK]

You are right, avoiding does not put closure on this toxic relationship. Phew! It was all wrong from the beginning, and I need to get rid of it in order to be healthy. It's hard. This person does not accept goodbye as goodbye. I will do your tactic, as the last time I "tried" I was extremely emotional. ANd then this EV got NASTY. He called back a few weeks later, saying he's fragile, too. No he isn't dammit, he'll live forever. Ugh. Thank you for these vids.

[4MINGTHOUGHTS]

They always do that crap. Wait til you see my next upload. I am finishing the editing today... I talk about emotional blackmail.

HUGS

Michelle

[MrTearsintherain]

You are scary accurate! This is exactly what she is doing!!!

[4MINGTHOUGHTS]

They all follow the same type of pattern. That is why they are so easy to spot once you gain the confidence to fend them off. Once you can keep walking and not stop for a dance with one of these people you will feel your spirit/soul vibrate at a much healthier level. My best wishes on your journey.

xoxoxox

Michelle

[noahsark1962]

You are describing my sil.She STILL thinks that she hasn't done anything wrong.I don't have anything to do with her.

[4MINGTHOUGHTS]

Most people who do this could never admit they have done something wrong. To do so would mean they were not a victim to your actions. I forgot to include something in this last video about once you cut off physically, you must do so emotionally as well. To harbor ill will or judgement will keep them attached to you through gossip and family chit chat. Cease all discussions about her with any family and you will feel the relief literally. Best wishes.

xoxox

Michelle

[Neurolanis]

Good advice, and very accurate on the personality type! What is truly amazing about them is how they can play switch their attitudes from positive to negative and vice-versa at the drop of a hat, to whatever suits them. But like you said before, they are ingenious manipulators.

[4MINGTHOUGHTS]

Chameleon's .... always changing to their environment at that moment. They truly are the closes thing to Nomad's on earth. Always on a journey looking for souls to drain of energy but not really having a destination in life of their own. They will never lead as they know only to follow the energy trail to their next meal. In a way it's rather sad to think there are so many out there. To live in awareness of self mutilators is to free ourselves of guilt that we may be the cause.

xxox