DNA Evidence Frees Black Man Convicted Of Bear Attack

[kO8a1]

It's was a bear!!!!

[takeingforever]

Who's Bob Dole?

[katinkers]

lol and he still got charged 5000$

[ironmantis25]

Lmao, this is starting to sound like real news

[lordsonnyxixi]

The picture of the all white jury did it for me.

[fabaum22]

This is rubbish, his guilty is as clear as crystal!

[faladith]

they let him go? he's obviously the killer, he was the only black guy within a ONE MILE RADIUS, it had to have been him. the system is fucked up.

[OrlopRat42]

The real killer at 0:33 , lower left.

[SageZane560]

"This man is sick."

[lianghaochen]

Come on, no single human being is capable of such atrocity, it's obviously the work of a gang of black men!

[MrBrilliantChaos]

I can't believe they let that bastard go.

[EbonyWaters]

Had to pause only 20 seconds in so I could stop laughing and actually watch it.

[TheAnToOo9]

Thumbs up if you went to see who Bob Dole was.

[Person100ist]

How racist can u get god damn biches plzz

[GayByProxy]

@Person100ist How stupid can you get?

[theshiznits2020]

Fucking dumb asses IT WAS MAMA BEAR WHO WAS HUNGRY AND PISSED ABOUT HER MISSING CUBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[codenameGIZM0]

@theshiznits2020 you know this is a joke right?

[theshiznits2020]

@codenameGIZM0 oh, no I didn't my bad

[peachycalmable]

1800 blame a negro

[AINGELPROJECT667]

My God....

There's actually people who believe this!

[MrxXBossXxPimp]

@AINGELPROJECT667 Welcome to American .....

[executeorder666]

DAMN IT !! Now I got to go back in to exile because of DNA. But they will never find the rest of that girl from Miami Beach or her surfboard! >:)

[deadmoney49]

The parody of this is that white people blame black people for obvious lies rofl!

[TheCarmo85]

It's the job of satire to put a mirror up to society. This clip is the definition of that.

[giantblue]

Still more realistic than Twilight.

[Gangstabob716]

if you showed this in the South in the 70's this would have been believable

[Japaneseanimeguy]

I don't actually enjoy these racist ones as much. I probably need to bring my moral sense down a bit more so that I don't start thinking about it and just enjoy the stupidity of it. These videos are meant to be funny and enjoyable, and I shouldn't complain about something just cause its a little racist.

[ZenSeizure]

@Japaneseanimeguy Yeah man I'm black and I lol'd hard actually.

[Susdi01]

@Japaneseanimeguy

It's not racist. It's making fun of racism. Why is it so hard for most people to make that fucking distinction?

[Nikon05]

@Japaneseanimeguy This isn't racist, it's satire showing that racism like this does exist

[temari115309]

Wtf trolled man

[P0LITICALLYC0RRECT]

"After he killed my kelly, he got up on this thing and use this tree to scratch himself. This man is sick." LOOOOOOOL.

[piechocolatethedos]

@JustDamnJenny you do know that this is a parody, right? As in, American white people pointing out the absurdity of other American white people.

[titanx9]

Lol, I love how the bear mom is in the background of the pic XD

[beanking81]

maybe the suspect was a mutant lol

[JustDamnJenny]

Hahaha stupid white people.

I may be from America, but I will never say I'm American.

[999basille]

@JustDamnJenny black people have lower iq than white people

[byrongilliam1]

@999basille way to generalize an entire race of people. Not all African-Americans are stupid and not all Caucasians are intelligent. Sometimes we're smarter, sometimes white people are.

[drjonasson19]

@byrongilliam1 plus the standard iq test is a pretty shitty way of telling someone's intelligence. Also, that study was done by a notorious racist, who made it very, very biased.

[Fronken89]

@JustDamnJenny That's probably for the best, seeing as you are much stupider than the average american...

[bf2lover42]

@JustDamnJenny It's a parody news network...

[killerguyd]

wtf is wrong with theys ppl yes 1 black man mauled a bitch ate her whole leg shit everywhere grew claws scrached the tree and the tend had a side dish of raw salmon then shit everywhere in very large piles then plesured himself by rubbing up againsed a nice tree. no no it couldent be the bear even thow there is a warning that they where there and she took a pic with cubs and mama bear right behind. theys ppl are fucking stupid lol

[Aragashia]

@killerguyd Please tell me that you know this is just a parody... :p

[LittlePikachu]

@killerguyd The irony in your statement is...wow. Do you even know how to spell?

[thechurchofmischief]

Must have been a were-bear but according to the only sorce of information about werebears they are counted as Lawful good and ususally dont do such things

[silver117atg]

0:12 DMX ?

[NorfolkKillaB]

The funniest thing about this is this is how the system really is.

[TheJillyjop]

BTW and incidentally the category for this vid says..... COMEDY!!!!!

[TheJillyjop]

I thought this was a joke when the amount of raw personage this man was supposed to have eaten was mentioned plus lots of other stuff but the photo of the girl very near the cubs was a 'dead' giveaway!!! LOL

[Wiggyify]

this is a fucking joke RIGHT?!!!! PLease tell me this is a joke!!! :/

[kirielvids]

@Wiggyify its the onion. so yeah.

[MakarovZX]

poor girl

[h0rnd0917]

Mark Furrman helped frame him???

[SamJ1986]

@englishlaywhatever.... your right, americans arr quite different from you. First of all, were not gullible freaking retards who jump on the chance to slam america because they are incapable of intelligent thought.

[EnglishLaaayDeee]

As if he......1, bit that salmon, 2, shredded her tent, 3, took a chuck out of her car, 3, ate her torso and leg, 4, put bear dumps all around the tent, 5, rubbed his hairy back against a tree. W. T. F????

Only in fucking America! Sometimes I'm ashamed to admit that you all came from Britain originally as we are SO unlike!!

[majav15mg]

@EnglishLaaayDeee It's satire....

[6684lillian]

@EnglishLaaayDeee

Fortunately, we Americans are smart enough to know that THIS VIDEO IF A FUCKING JOKE, YOU IDIOT.

[robotcow28]

@EnglishLaaayDeee If all british people are like you, i now have a deeper understanding of the revolutionary war.

You're a bunch of retards XD

[tobythesuperfasttram]

it was the bear

[TheYouwontgetit]

i am still not convinced he didn't do it...

[pitt15220]

LMAO....love the "self portrait" with the 2 cubs right behind her and the momma bear coming into the pic behind the cubs. He spent 5 minutes rubbing his hairy back on this tree, this man is sick. LOL

[mcam51]

I love this. This is soo true. The News is f***up

[nomoreheroes93]

I bet it was a black bear.

[projectbrumaire]

0:23 "I pray to god that people could camp in that *BEAR RESERVE* without fearing for their safety"

LMAO!!!!

[LordPrick]

It Was BEARACK OBAMA!!!

[XDXDXDXDXDXDXD]

@LordPrick With him making America a socialist, Nazi country...who knows how many more white women will get eaten by "bears" (black people).

[LordPrick]

@XDXDXDXDXDXDXD I Think Bears Are Dangerous Creatures And REAL BLACK PEOPLE Are Fucking AWESOME...And Not Like Bears At ALL. You Know What Is REALLY Dangerous These Days? Guys Like Barack Obama And Ted Williams That Eat Corpses Of Tourists That Go Missing In YellowStone Park.

[TzipporahElizabeth]

@LordPrick Is there a reason that you're Capitalizing Every Word as though they're proper nouns?

[LordPrick]

@TzipporahElizabeth Because They Are My Words. If You Do Not Like The Way That I Write... Go And Read Some ee cummings InStead. Though... Have To Warn You... ee cummings Is Very Much Like A Possessive Mother That Will Eventually Sing RadioHead Songs InTo Your Ears... Lullabys Like Pablum... Honey.

[gadadhoon]

@TzipporahElizabeth Because internet trolls have an instinctive need to write in an annoying fashion. This one is a variant on CAPITALIZING every word they would EMPHASIZE if they were SPITTING in your FACE from six inches AWAY.

[drumdust]

The Salmon Killer...

classic!

[legosfankid1]

at 1:31 what is that thing behind her head to the left

[EuchridEucrow1]

@legosfankid1

Mama Bear...get it now?

[The31415926535Guy]

@legosfankid1 It's that black guy comming to eat her

[ALPHADESIGNTAMPICO]

I'm just glad all the jury guys were white! God bless white man and America!

[TheYouwontgetit]

i hope they find that black man who has done this...

[rsqizar]

hes on the damn statue hes guilty

[ccdj504]

I feel safe knowing that the police are never gonna give up trying to find the black man who mauled that girl.

[KneeOJustice]

back when the onion was funny

[starcrafter13terran]

I'm really tired of people teasing poor people on this video comment section. We all know it's real, stop your lies. This man was obviously the killer. Did you see his face? His icey and detached expression at the details of the crimes being read out? We can all rest safer tonight knowing that he was caught and the liberal media will never trick us into believing this fallacy about bears. She loved bears, why would they attack her?!?

[dharmaatdawn]

@starcrafter13terran hahahhahah great job on the comment. and showing that truth will come out in the end. no matter how hard libral media tries to confuse us. thank you

[AntiRacismAndHateCom]

1:32 there is a monkey in the picture behind the cubs.

[henry700]

@AntiRacismAndHateCom

Its the mother bear lol

[Dev1Young]

@AntiRacismAndHateCom that's the mother bear.

[DoctorKrabs]

1:25 look at the monkey behind the cubs

[titan1298]

@DoctorKrabs its a bear

[SnoBlackMelbkour]

@DoctorKrabs That's a bear O.o

[fredgorey]

ha ha ha ha oh jesus lol

[ArtemiaSalina]

Oh GOD!! More of that silly "science" nonsense! He was found guilty in a court of law! The only flaw in our system of government is the wastefully endless appeals that these scum are allowed to make! Ok, so maybe he didn't eat her torso and leg, and maybe he didn't kill her, but he MUST HAVE eaten that fish! Just look at those bite marks!

[lifesnova]

I laughed the hardest when they said they will quote "Find the BLACK man who did this" unqoute

[WolfJ3ane]

Lol anyone else laugh at the jury makeup?

[Blackpantherstomper1]

@Mrsafetymeeting hahahaha

[MrSafetymeeting]

The bear probably did the majority of the mauling but I bet the black man was involved!

[finnstroll]

when looking at the picture of the cubs did anyone else notice the approaching bearmother in the background?

[jonyphoenix]

@finnstroll Actually that is the point. :D

[finnstroll]

@jonyphoenix haha yea i figured onion news is brilliant

[TheGhettoMuffin]

1:29 for us who know a thing or two about bears, its the funniest part of the whole video

[be4you98ls1]

Off Topic: I must have forgot the sun doesn't set on Western Europe esp England anymore asshole, lord knows England can't be trusted in the dark & not everything wrong in the world is due to the U.S. although, reading most of your comments it's clear you think it does. U.K Prime Minister Tony Blair was just as bad if not worse than Bush because he at least had a brain unlike our congress and knew it was a false flag war, but hey we'll take all the blame that's another thing we're good at.

[FiftyCalHeadshot]

lol the picture before she died

in the background, is that mama bear? :p

[yusiftheranger]

This is how you say total bullshit while remaining completely serious

[dougiecoolietrini]

OK. i'm prepared for sense-less racist insults from you guys but if anyone believes...that a ripped open car trunk, clawed marks on the car, DNA/hair of a bear on the tree, 6 ins bite wounds on her torso etc etc was caused by a MAN/HUMAN BEING then you are a FUCKIN RETARD! I feel sorry for that guy. from time you know white people would rather pin a maulling, animal incident on a black guy (employed to work there) there really isnt any hope for us. But do what yall do best.

[bonyoldbehind]

@dougiecoolietrini I think it's quite clear that he did it, and the liberal left is trying to save everyone who isn't white. i don't care what your skin colour is, you can't go eating people and tearing open the cars. That man should hang for that senseless bear attack he carried out.

[abaxteria]

@dougiecoolietrini Until you understand the concept of satire and certainly until you have a basic grasp of spelling, grammar and the use of common words, you should probably refrain from calling other people "retards."

[AdrenalineAndLove]

@dougiecoolietrini Dude, he was the only black guy in the vicinity of the murder scene. Who the fuck else could've killed and ate her? A bear? Don't make me laugh, you ignorant idiot.

[dougiecoolietrini]

@AdrenalineAndLove lololollolol!!!!

[IronRAVENxvx]

Pause at 0:15 then read the news paper article on the top right. LOL

[IronRAVENxvx]

LOL, i dont know if you guys notice this. Pause at 0:15 It says ("The Park Guide can grow up to 10 feet long etc.)

[127miles]

i almost thought this was fox news for a second

[MrSafetymeeting]

It probably was a bear but I bet the black guy was involved.

[Mropticalgreen]

he's black so he must be guilty of something

[trigeminus93]

They've released the Salmon Killer". God save us all!

[pratto54321]

Why I am watching FOX news

[AKwheeler907]

everyone thinks this is making fun of black people but it's actually making fun of all the racist people who blame blacks for everything.

[ubermonkey120]

@AKwheeler907 Stop being a nigger cunt and suck my cock

[AKwheeler907]

@ubermonkey120 calm down, your just mad because you have a baby penis.

[Incogdrift]

@AKwheeler907 by everyone you means a small minority of idiots, right?

[AKwheeler907]

@Incogdrift yeah

[AllyySixtySix]

@AKwheeler907

I thought they were making fun of bears

[MrFrausig]

@AKwheeler907

Uhh... Duh..

[travianaddict]

killer seen in the background of picture 1:26

[shawnster06]

is it just me or does this sound racist

[learber]

wow lol xD

[quidnick]

We, as a community, need to stop these immigrants from munching on human flesh in the future!

[dougiecoolietrini]

@quidnick immigrants? so what are you? I dont remember blacks invading, rapeing, stealing land from its own people and killing off a race just to own america. your for fathers are immigrants. HELLO! Dont even know your history mate

[be4you98ls1]

Obviously you are stupid Mr. " I dont remember blacks invading, rapeing, stealing land from its own people and killing a race to own America. Hello the very first blacks in this country were endentured servants and many were actually100% free and owned land and fought with whites to kill Native Americans. Let's not act like Brittian and others within what's now the U.K. were innocent & weren't buying slaves to sell to America. In which other African tribes captured and sold them to the world.

[Whatever4690]

Hmm anyone remember OJ.

[missmcpirate]

@MrThewaffen i really really hope you're a troll :(

[MrThewaffen]

@missmcpirate man srs the joke would have been good ok its funny man who gives a shit if i use a stereotye are some fag that thinks its ok to be gay and loves drugs man just fuck off ok mate every one hates hippies you americans are fucked in the head no one wants to hear your bullshit we dont care what you think i made the joke for people like me not people that wanna cry your the trolling cunt go suck a dick mate

[missmcpirate]

@MrThewaffen oh dear ...

but then again you do sound like a daily mail reader

[elitotaku]

i took one look at him and i knew he was the man that mauled and eat'n my daughter.

it sounds so hillarious :P

[morganseathomson]

@MrThewaffen if the daughter was a watermelon, why would the son die?

(i already understand the stereotype of black people eating watermelons but i don't understand your inability to keep track of the characters involved in your racist joke.)

[bigmarty11288]

How can you tell the difference between a black bear and a grizzly bear? Black bears smoke Newports

[MRguywithlazereyes]

It wasn't the Black man...it was a Black Bear.

[vjm3]

@MRguywithlazereyes: I...don't understand the difference.

[matt876mma]

@MRguywithlazereyes Thanks for clearing that up.

[josuecell]

funny



[CursedFormSasuke]

FAKE AND GAY

[yodadude14]

@CursedFormSasuke another case solved by the amazing Sherlock Holmes, I shall see to it that you get a medal.

[CursedFormSasuke]

@yodadude14 what?

[blackspider871]

TO FOUND THE BLACK MAN WHO DID IT?????? RACISTS...

[XxdeadlysnipesxX]

that dudes rascist.

[TheMurderCircus]

anyone else to notice the mother grizzle bear in the picture with the 2 cubs

[ljwantstohelp]

@TheMurderCircus yes!  and even if mother bear WASN'T in the picture, one SHOULD expect that she'd be close by...

[adaman04]

Lol

[WeekNightGaming]

hahahahaha

[deathscreton]

omfg. XD

[TheUsername1029]

you can tell its fake because they let the black guy go free.

[rjamonanthony]

@TheUsername1029 Lmao....^^^this!

[MultiMango72]

@TheUsername1029 LOL.

[maxandsagey]

salmon killer!! LMFAO!!

[Defender78]

this Onion episode is NASTY! waaay too graphic!

[chimpzahoy]

@Defender78 pussy.

[meganoconnor1234]

@AlexShrugged mmh i dont think soo, sounds like a bear 2 me

[terrorlord15]

the funny thing is even though its a joke, if he was really that strong he'd just tear apart the people in the court room and pwn the police and not have to go to jail.

[CopyRezo36]

I know there isn't direct evidence to support this but I think the black man paid the salmon to kill the girl and then ate (half) the salmon to get rid of any witnesses. It would have been the perfect crime but since he is black it was a dead give away he was the true culprit.

[meganoconnor1234]

omfg it was obviously a bear, hes innocent

[hellnoob11]

@meganoconnor1234 you are a fucking retard. ITS A FAKE NEWS. god people are so dumb it makes me ashamed to be a human

[gamefreak1238]

o wow lol

[jajackka]

If you're offended by anything ever, fucking lighten up. Like your bitching will change anything.

[slomotion274]

It took 12 yrs for them to realize tht so of a shark bites one of these crakers I guess they gonna blame that on a black man too

[58book]

i didnt do it

ok, so ur saying that a bear did it

yes!

[ADNAN0MNM]

LOL

[postalmeter]

The Onion just isn't funny, they're cruel and NOT funny.

[TheNewMoon333]

@postalmeter lol then stop watching the videos stupid

[postalmeter]

@TheNewMoon333

Yeah note this is my ONLY comment, stupid. I have the right to tell the truth, STUPID.

If you don't like it, then tough shit, STUPID, you're not the boss.

[TheNewMoon333]

@postalmeter Ironic how you keep saying stupid :]

[bassguy215]

@postalmeter shut up.

[xXBuellXB12RXx]

@postalmeter BLASPHEMY!!