@keemy18 I'm not trying to defend my friendships but I am trying to paint a picture which is difficult with this character limit but I think society as a whole, males in particular have a long way to go in open mindedness concerning gay people. I don't think that limitation has anything to do with true friendship. If my friends know I'm gay, accept my boyfriend, and there have been times when they told me off for not bringing him around. That's pretty good in my book.
@derfnoslen i get that. but im one for equality. im gonna naturally not share intimate details of my sex life with straight men. primarily bc i dont share intimate details with everybody no way. however, if i mention some sexual act i expect them to grow to the point of not seeing as so different from when they do it. if i can't do it, if it makes them uncomfortable for me then they shud see how it can make me uncomfortable when they talkin about eatin this or lickin that, ya know?
@keemy18 I agree completely. I think I've reached a point where I decided it doesn't matter to me if they are not open to that kind of talk. I think gay men in general are probably more sexually open than straight guys. Your're a cool dude (no homo lol) and you have good conversation so I can't imagine a guy not wanting to be cool with you. I think you should give the straight guys a handicap and give them a pass on those issues... for now. Especially if they are cool in every other way.
@derfnoslen see thats the thing about me. i'm demanding. i dont give handicaps. i dont expect handicaps in return. i demand a lot because i give a lot. i pride myself on being a great...if not exemplary friend. so i expect what i give ya know
@derfnoslen but i love my best friend whose straight. ultimately we accept each other. and when there are points of tension we address them like adult men should.
This is a great discussion. I probably should do a video response but in response to you, most of your friends are women. If we are talking about relationships with men, straight men at that, gender rules have a major part. I have one straight friend that I can talk about guys with etc. That's it.
Well I can't say I don't feel that way sometimes. I won't say that I can't it's just that they get weird... It makes them uncomfortable. Perhaps we should define true friendship because I don't believe the things you've mentioned are key factors to it.
@derfnoslen what i was saying was true friendship wasn't the surface things i mentioned. those surface things add up to the deeper and greater concept of ACCEPTANCE. i feel like friends accept each other, warts and all. and the fact that u feel like you had to share that you aren't feminine seems to me that its a defense of your friendship. that if u were feminine, they wudn't accept u. which i can understand. but the relationship i have with my friends...we accept each other as we are.
I have many straight male friends that know that I'm gay. I'm not feminine or anything but I'd say we are all really close. But I never really talk about anything gay with them, I never share my crushes or if I'm watching a movie I can't say "wow, he's cute" stuff like that. I do kinda wish that I could. I comment on things that they like, I'll comment on a girl or listen to their sex stories or whatever. It's weird. I just kinda let the good outweigh the bad.
@derfnoslen this, to me, is not adequate friendship. i feel like if i've really been accepted for who i am, and being gay is a part of that, why should i hide it? they dont. they can talk however they want about women, why cant i mention if a man is cute? why cant we laugh about that? why cant they put their 2 cents in about that guy u think is cute? that, to me, is true friendship
I feel u, my life parallells yours, i don't know if they can be close friends because of the differences and straight guys being family, friends, etc. usually do'nt want to hang around or develope close relationship with gays because of what their friends or family members or co- workers might say. It takes a storng indivual to pursue and maintain a positive and good realationship with someone who is different from them, it can be done, but it hard i would imagine. Peace.
I also wanted to say that I really appreciate some of the issues you've brought up like the DL man, the gay lingo/accent, and this video. so thanks!!!
First of all, thanks to my friend for posting this on his wall... I am a straight man and I get what you are saying - it must be frustrating. But I can say that my friend, who happens to be gay, will be in my wedding party, will be in my life and is always in my heart, I have had some of the closest convo with him, we have shared intimate details on both ends - and I would take a bullet for him. I hope I have been the kind of friend to him that you describe bc he means the world to me. One love.
yeah they can be friends... real friends. And we learn things about eachother! I never knew the role that beards could play in some hetero actions, for e.g.
the special place of friendship is its capability to cross boundaries.
I feel you...I have many heterosexual associates, but few actual friends. We do have very deep conversations; he knows my dirt and I know his and we joke about it all the time. If hetero males really want to be your friend they already know what is appropriate and what isn't. You may just have to seek more mature friends. Most, I feel, are insecure and uncormfotable around us, but it's not us...it's them. Strive to find more open and possibly older hetero friends to build that bond with.
I think many str8 black men don't respect gay people enough to value having a friendship with them. Its possible you could be friends but only up to a certain point, like if you piss him off about something the F word might be the first thing he says or he may not bring you around his other str8 friends or family because he may not want them to wonder why he has a gay friend. If he respects you and is not ignorant then yes its possible to have a friendship thats not fake or superficial.
I totally get what you're saying. For me I have 2 str8 male friends that stayed by my side after I came out. I have another "gay" male friend that I'm close with platonically & then of course I have more female friends.
I think some men are afraid of being hit on, even if there's no chance they will be, but you liking men there's that chance *in their mind*. We just gotta take what we get out of life & enjoy life for what it is.
@keemy18 I'm not trying to defend my friendships but I am trying to paint a picture which is difficult with this character limit but I think society as a whole, males in particular have a long way to go in open mindedness concerning gay people. I don't think that limitation has anything to do with true friendship. If my friends know I'm gay, accept my boyfriend, and there have been times when they told me off for not bringing him around. That's pretty good in my book.
derfnoslen 1 month ago
@derfnoslen i get that. but im one for equality. im gonna naturally not share intimate details of my sex life with straight men. primarily bc i dont share intimate details with everybody no way. however, if i mention some sexual act i expect them to grow to the point of not seeing as so different from when they do it. if i can't do it, if it makes them uncomfortable for me then they shud see how it can make me uncomfortable when they talkin about eatin this or lickin that, ya know?
keemy18 1 month ago
@keemy18 I agree completely. I think I've reached a point where I decided it doesn't matter to me if they are not open to that kind of talk. I think gay men in general are probably more sexually open than straight guys. Your're a cool dude (no homo lol) and you have good conversation so I can't imagine a guy not wanting to be cool with you. I think you should give the straight guys a handicap and give them a pass on those issues... for now. Especially if they are cool in every other way.
derfnoslen 1 month ago
@derfnoslen see thats the thing about me. i'm demanding. i dont give handicaps. i dont expect handicaps in return. i demand a lot because i give a lot. i pride myself on being a great...if not exemplary friend. so i expect what i give ya know
keemy18 1 month ago
@derfnoslen but i love my best friend whose straight. ultimately we accept each other. and when there are points of tension we address them like adult men should.
keemy18 1 month ago
This is a great discussion. I probably should do a video response but in response to you, most of your friends are women. If we are talking about relationships with men, straight men at that, gender rules have a major part. I have one straight friend that I can talk about guys with etc. That's it.
derfnoslen 1 month ago
Well I can't say I don't feel that way sometimes. I won't say that I can't it's just that they get weird... It makes them uncomfortable. Perhaps we should define true friendship because I don't believe the things you've mentioned are key factors to it.
derfnoslen 1 month ago
@derfnoslen what i was saying was true friendship wasn't the surface things i mentioned. those surface things add up to the deeper and greater concept of ACCEPTANCE. i feel like friends accept each other, warts and all. and the fact that u feel like you had to share that you aren't feminine seems to me that its a defense of your friendship. that if u were feminine, they wudn't accept u. which i can understand. but the relationship i have with my friends...we accept each other as we are.
keemy18 1 month ago
I have many straight male friends that know that I'm gay. I'm not feminine or anything but I'd say we are all really close. But I never really talk about anything gay with them, I never share my crushes or if I'm watching a movie I can't say "wow, he's cute" stuff like that. I do kinda wish that I could. I comment on things that they like, I'll comment on a girl or listen to their sex stories or whatever. It's weird. I just kinda let the good outweigh the bad.
derfnoslen 1 month ago
@derfnoslen this, to me, is not adequate friendship. i feel like if i've really been accepted for who i am, and being gay is a part of that, why should i hide it? they dont. they can talk however they want about women, why cant i mention if a man is cute? why cant we laugh about that? why cant they put their 2 cents in about that guy u think is cute? that, to me, is true friendship
keemy18 1 month ago
I feel u, my life parallells yours, i don't know if they can be close friends because of the differences and straight guys being family, friends, etc. usually do'nt want to hang around or develope close relationship with gays because of what their friends or family members or co- workers might say. It takes a storng indivual to pursue and maintain a positive and good realationship with someone who is different from them, it can be done, but it hard i would imagine. Peace.
carmelious111 1 month ago
ALL of my BESTIES were str8...nuff said..
Luckey2007 1 month ago
@Luckey2007 were?
keemy18 1 month ago
I also wanted to say that I really appreciate some of the issues you've brought up like the DL man, the gay lingo/accent, and this video. so thanks!!!
mitchumsport 1 month ago
@mitchumsport thanks for watching :-)
keemy18 1 month ago
First of all, thanks to my friend for posting this on his wall... I am a straight man and I get what you are saying - it must be frustrating. But I can say that my friend, who happens to be gay, will be in my wedding party, will be in my life and is always in my heart, I have had some of the closest convo with him, we have shared intimate details on both ends - and I would take a bullet for him. I hope I have been the kind of friend to him that you describe bc he means the world to me. One love.
KatiusFan323 1 month ago
@KatiusFan323 thats beautiful.
keemy18 1 month ago
Oh wow where have u been at.
jayizmee 1 month ago
@jayizmee lol on twitter.
keemy18 1 month ago
Next time you do a video blog, u need to have "Us's" there. Lol
smbr6 1 month ago
@smbr6 lol chile when i ever see yall
keemy18 1 month ago
yeah they can be friends... real friends. And we learn things about eachother! I never knew the role that beards could play in some hetero actions, for e.g.
the special place of friendship is its capability to cross boundaries.
mitchumsport 1 month ago
@mitchumsport wait...beards?
keemy18 1 month ago
@keemy18 apparently beards can touch or tickle a woman in just the right way. I had the same reaction! Who fuckin knew?
mitchumsport 1 month ago
I feel you...I have many heterosexual associates, but few actual friends. We do have very deep conversations; he knows my dirt and I know his and we joke about it all the time. If hetero males really want to be your friend they already know what is appropriate and what isn't. You may just have to seek more mature friends. Most, I feel, are insecure and uncormfotable around us, but it's not us...it's them. Strive to find more open and possibly older hetero friends to build that bond with.
joey2xs 1 month ago
I think many str8 black men don't respect gay people enough to value having a friendship with them. Its possible you could be friends but only up to a certain point, like if you piss him off about something the F word might be the first thing he says or he may not bring you around his other str8 friends or family because he may not want them to wonder why he has a gay friend. If he respects you and is not ignorant then yes its possible to have a friendship thats not fake or superficial.
theloyalone100 1 month ago
i dont see why they would be ///////////////what would tthey talk about?..it would just seem awkward
onedominicanfellow 1 month ago
I totally get what you're saying. For me I have 2 str8 male friends that stayed by my side after I came out. I have another "gay" male friend that I'm close with platonically & then of course I have more female friends.
I think some men are afraid of being hit on, even if there's no chance they will be, but you liking men there's that chance *in their mind*. We just gotta take what we get out of life & enjoy life for what it is.
gordogreat74 1 month ago
i don't fit into the gay or straight world either, you just gotta create your own lane for people to follow
romelgijj 1 month ago
@romelgijj yeah but sometimes you just wanna chill and coast in a pre-prepared lane. sometimes u get tired of being the driving force, ya know
keemy18 1 month ago
happy new yr keemy..
TERRORKLOWNS 1 month ago
@TERRORKLOWNS happy new year love
keemy18 1 month ago