Into this swirling maelstrom of Fire and Air and Water The first stirrings of life appeared: tiny organisms, cells, and amoeba clinging to tiny sheltered habitats But the seeds of life grew and strengthened and spread And diversified and prospered And soon, every continent and climate teemed with life And with life came instinct and specialization Natural selection Reptiles, dinosaur and mammals
And finally there evolved a species known as Man and there appeared the first faint glimmers of Intelligence The fruits of intelligence were many: fire, tools and weapons the hunt, farming, and the sharing of food the family, the village and the tribe Now, it required but one more ingredient: A great Leader to unite the quarelling tribes to harness the power of the land to build a legacy that would stand the test of time: a CIVILIZATION!
But are you not convinced by the wonderful miracles of our Lord, like when they came to arrest him in the garden, and Peter cut the ear from a soldier, anf Jesus called out, 'Do you need a bandage over there?', and the soldier called back, 'No thanks, I've got one 'ear'.
I always loved the story of genesis because it proved that the people of the time didn't know that all the plants need a fucking sun to grow and yet the sun was not spawned until the next day and that they also believe that one of those days was as a thousand years :P
great video. I just found your channel and I saw there's a lot more where this came from. The joy of it! I already shared this with my brother on Facebook, and will continu sharing (hey, I'm a giving person, can't help myself) your videos, because you deserve a whole lot more views! Keep it up! Btw, I read Genesis in the Robert Crumb version of it while under the influence of 'the herb'. It's the best, if not the only, way :-)
@ResiusOnline The stories make for fun reading if taken as fairy tales and fiction and in many cases form the basis of many popular literary devices with the mechanism of the stories being used in many popular works of literature and film.
It is also interesting to read around the myths to find out how they evolved over time and where they came from.
the tower of babel myth was written in the days when the ignorant and highly imaginitive savages BELIEVED the earth was encircled by a hard crystal dome, that held water.
they also believed that rain came through windows in this dome!
of course the tower builders believed they could reach ''heaven'' by building a tower.
how can you not laugh at this primitive bullshit!!
Interesting that god created woman twice. Once in Gen 1:27 then again he created woman again in Gen 2:22. Thats the herb kicking in clearly!
God seems a little forgetful in this section... he forgets water is made of hydrogen and oxygen and oxygen is derived from stars... yet he already had created water... before he created stars...
To ensure however this made sense to people he ensured anyone believing this literally was also as thick as a fucking brick!
@paulchartley lmao. they say they follow the bible literally, but they dont. religion irritates me to no end. The bible is contradictory and it borrows stories from other ancient texts.
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, Let there be light! And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
Y'know the funny thing is these inconsistencies were probably pretty obvious even to people 3k years ago....well the educated or intelligent ones anyway. Of course those are exactly the sort of people who would just turn to the masses of stupid people and say..."see how it makes sense... now as God says...hand over your cattle yo me...I'll be sure to see god get them!".. the idiots would nod and comply!
It is my understanding from watching creationist websites that the reason for the big teeth was that this enabled them to eat pineapples not shred lettuce which would have been plain ridiculous.
How can any thinking human believe in this bullshit? Oh wait, they must be brainwashed and told that if they don't, they will burn forever and ever. Amazing what people do when made fearful of pain and agony.
@ABP53 If you want people to see it and it is relevant as a reply to this video then why don't you just post it as a response as all responses are accepted.
The Eddie Izzard version of Genesis is better than the biblical version. Plus James Mason is god and the biblical version has a distinct shortage of jam. How can the supposed greatest book in the world ever, not mention one of the greatest foods ever created? All of these pages dedicated to what you can and can't eat. Zero mention of jam.
Brilliant!! OH and to answer why animals had large sharp teeth, it's to open the coconuts. This is actually being taught in some places that TRex used his teeth to crack open that one particular fruit. I would LOVE to see more of the bible done this way.
Sharp teeth for cracking open coconuts sounds logical. If you have forgotten that fruit (I count nuts as fruit) was for man. For animals (I count TRex as animal) were gras and herbs.
@BadScienceForFools Well it is logical if you overlook that the coconuts would break unevenly and the sharp edges would cut up the gums. The shells would need to be ground or cracked not jabbed open.
@MsSquarebearz you are joking, right? why would an animal that was exclusively carnivore eat coconuts? also, to my knowledge, coconuts were not around at the time tyrannosaurus was.
@MobileThinker I wish I was joking. This is something that certain churches and even creationist museums are teaching to explain the teeth issue. I was not aware of coconuts being around at that time either, but remember creationist believe the world is not all that old compared to evolutionist. I grew up hearing these explanations my whole life and people wonder why I find it impossible to believe in this stuff now.
I like a man who can appreciate good herb.
AnnOyer7771 4 days ago
This video is easily over 9000 times more hilarious with the subtitles transcribed, especially with Mr. Chartley's deep and serious tone. :D
aliendragon17 1 month ago
In the beginning the earth was without form, and void
But the sun shone upon the sleeping earth
And deep inside the brittle crust, massive forces waited to be unleashed
The seas parted and great continents were formed
The continents shifted
Mountains arose
Earthquakes spawned massive tidal waves.
Volcanoes erupted and spewed forth fiery lava
And charged the atmosphere with strange gases
Brandt761 1 month ago
Brandt761 1 month ago
Brandt761 1 month ago
@Brandt761 so, yeah, every time I read that "in the beginning" quote, I immediately think of the good news of Sid. Or Leonard Nimoy, as it were.
Brandt761 1 month ago
Comment removed
Brandt761 1 month ago
And in the last days scoffers will come....
julieification 2 months ago
i need some herb
CristianApostol 4 months ago in playlist More videos from paulchartley
yeah dude, the herb was awesome dude
CristianApostol 4 months ago in playlist More videos from paulchartley
The part about the herb cracked me up! Glad I subbed, I forget who sent me though. Sorry :(
dondude69 5 months ago
Damn right, send HIM to the kitchen to make me, a man, my sandwiches. Well played god.
Holy shit...
unabomberman 6 months ago
This is my favorite bible reading of all time
Spocktacular96 6 months ago
But are you not convinced by the wonderful miracles of our Lord, like when they came to arrest him in the garden, and Peter cut the ear from a soldier, anf Jesus called out, 'Do you need a bandage over there?', and the soldier called back, 'No thanks, I've got one 'ear'.
gamesbok 6 months ago
funny as fuck!:DDd
csete1 7 months ago
Spelling fail on Genisis [sic] :D
COEXISTential 7 months ago
this is great
brianhar100 7 months ago
Did God think anything wasn't good?
ElectrumShiv 7 months ago
I always loved the story of genesis because it proved that the people of the time didn't know that all the plants need a fucking sun to grow and yet the sun was not spawned until the next day and that they also believe that one of those days was as a thousand years :P
hildegain 7 months ago
great video. I just found your channel and I saw there's a lot more where this came from. The joy of it! I already shared this with my brother on Facebook, and will continu sharing (hey, I'm a giving person, can't help myself) your videos, because you deserve a whole lot more views! Keep it up! Btw, I read Genesis in the Robert Crumb version of it while under the influence of 'the herb'. It's the best, if not the only, way :-)
KittyTh 8 months ago
I hate religion, I hate Christianity, and I do not believe in god.
However, I like the tower of babel as a fiction for some reason. It's quite an interesting myth.
ResiusOnline 8 months ago 5
@ResiusOnline The stories make for fun reading if taken as fairy tales and fiction and in many cases form the basis of many popular literary devices with the mechanism of the stories being used in many popular works of literature and film.
It is also interesting to read around the myths to find out how they evolved over time and where they came from.
paulchartley 8 months ago
@ResiusOnline
welcome to sanity,
the tower of babel myth was written in the days when the ignorant and highly imaginitive savages BELIEVED the earth was encircled by a hard crystal dome, that held water.
they also believed that rain came through windows in this dome!
of course the tower builders believed they could reach ''heaven'' by building a tower.
how can you not laugh at this primitive bullshit!!
thegoochieguy 6 months ago
@thegoochieguy He said it was interesting. It is interesting.
jrmyrook 4 months ago
"...and god said 'Bugger!' " Love it!
drumrnva 9 months ago
Interesting that god created woman twice. Once in Gen 1:27 then again he created woman again in Gen 2:22. Thats the herb kicking in clearly!
God seems a little forgetful in this section... he forgets water is made of hydrogen and oxygen and oxygen is derived from stars... yet he already had created water... before he created stars...
To ensure however this made sense to people he ensured anyone believing this literally was also as thick as a fucking brick!
Job done he rolled a spliff!
MumblingMickey 10 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
The plurals, "Let us make man in our image," reflects an early polytheist source.
InternetDarkLord 10 months ago
I want some of that herb. It Surprises me god smokes seedy herb.
sweetmonkeylove1 10 months ago
Comment removed
sweetmonkeylove1 10 months ago
This deserves at least 50X more views
Mattysmyth0593 10 months ago
Literally Genesis? Literary Genius.
joeyj187 11 months ago
I got it! God loves the cows because he's got the munchies and wants to go to White Castle for burgers like Harold and Kumar!
Snackar 11 months ago
I really like your dry narrating style! Made my midnight lulz
tristbjorn 11 months ago
god loves cattle lol. its funny because im sure the bible does mention unicorns
JeremyDisturbed 11 months ago 6
@JeremyDisturbed Oh it does indeed mention unicorns which is something that a lot of Christians do not seem to realise.
The first few chapters of genesis seem to be littered with specific references to cattle.
paulchartley 11 months ago 4
@paulchartley lmao. they say they follow the bible literally, but they dont. religion irritates me to no end. The bible is contradictory and it borrows stories from other ancient texts.
JeremyDisturbed 11 months ago
Excellent stuff sir- You have the wit of Dawkins and the sarcasm of George Carlin. What more could we ask for ?
HURUHRA 11 months ago 6
@HURUHRA many thanks, I am glad you enjoyed it
:0)
paulchartley 11 months ago
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, Let there be light! And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
ColinWeeden 11 months ago
@ColinWeeden lol...
Y'know the funny thing is these inconsistencies were probably pretty obvious even to people 3k years ago....well the educated or intelligent ones anyway. Of course those are exactly the sort of people who would just turn to the masses of stupid people and say..."see how it makes sense... now as God says...hand over your cattle yo me...I'll be sure to see god get them!".. the idiots would nod and comply!
Just as they do today
MumblingMickey 10 months ago
the amount i was giggling watching this anyone looking at me would have thought i was on the herb.
You and LivingDinasaur should try and do a collaboration video it were be sheer awesomeness
workaholicandy 11 months ago
Absolutely brilliant. Bravo, sir.
Corneilius5188 11 months ago
Hehe, Genisis. Genius! Will you eventually get to chapter 11 or wherever the Tower of Babel takes place? That's my favorite part.
BigIdeaSeeker 11 months ago
@BigIdeaSeeker Oh we are going to do all of 'em eventually, one week at a time
Call it my literal Sunday Sermon
paulchartley 11 months ago 3
Enjoyable and amusing. "Genisis," however is spelled "Genesis" (see title frame). Thanks.
BigIdeaSeeker 11 months ago
@BigIdeaSeeker Gen[Isis] = its a play on words and quite deliberate.
In the Book of the Dead, Isis is "she who gave birth to the Heaven and the Earth"
As the Mother of Horus who some say the Jesus myth is based upon she is a nice comparison for god the father.
I snuck it in there wondering if anyone would pick up on it and get the joke and I have been waiting all week.
Well done
:0)
paulchartley 11 months ago
can I have your voice? ...please?
jippzmcghee 11 months ago
the spiderpart made me laugh from my heart :)
I also like your accent.
subscribed....
skaribou 11 months ago
It is my understanding from watching creationist websites that the reason for the big teeth was that this enabled them to eat pineapples not shred lettuce which would have been plain ridiculous.
Tridhos 11 months ago
i'm sure someone had some good herb when they wrote this..
CurtisNunez 11 months ago
The bible declare bats are really birds!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
"every winged fowl after his kind" is just a prequel to that!!
I am going to be laughing all night long on that!!!
opaldragon75 11 months ago
I am greatly amused.
crankysaint 11 months ago
How can any thinking human believe in this bullshit? Oh wait, they must be brainwashed and told that if they don't, they will burn forever and ever. Amazing what people do when made fearful of pain and agony.
saxmanchiro 11 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
Anti-Qur'an Strategy of the Bible Project Wheeler-Dealers
watch?v=_1wXgXwj3MI
ABP53 11 months ago
@ABP53 If you want people to see it and it is relevant as a reply to this video then why don't you just post it as a response as all responses are accepted.
paulchartley 11 months ago
Paul you should do voise overs.
Cheers Christine
christinepeace 11 months ago
The Eddie Izzard version of Genesis is better than the biblical version. Plus James Mason is god and the biblical version has a distinct shortage of jam. How can the supposed greatest book in the world ever, not mention one of the greatest foods ever created? All of these pages dedicated to what you can and can't eat. Zero mention of jam.
No mention of Nutella either.
TychoCelchu 11 months ago 2
@TychoCelchu Or bacon.
paulalex19 11 months ago
I missed the part where he made choccy hobnobs and jaffa cakes...
Nhurm 11 months ago
Comment removed
Gaawachan 11 months ago
Makes you wonder how anyone could believe such ridiculous tripe; but I suppose with a little help from the "herb"...
colourmegone 11 months ago
That was quite enjoyable.
gamutman 11 months ago
I liked the question, what was the spider supposed to catch in its net? Pollen of course!
BadScienceForFools 11 months ago
Genesis is such a crock of shit.
GluteusIlluminatus 11 months ago
Brilliant!! OH and to answer why animals had large sharp teeth, it's to open the coconuts. This is actually being taught in some places that TRex used his teeth to crack open that one particular fruit. I would LOVE to see more of the bible done this way.
MsSquarebearz 11 months ago
@MsSquarebearz Are you serious?... Coconuts?...... Creationists are getting desperate aren't they.
ImACuteGeek 11 months ago
@MsSquarebearz
Sharp teeth for cracking open coconuts sounds logical. If you have forgotten that fruit (I count nuts as fruit) was for man. For animals (I count TRex as animal) were gras and herbs.
BadScienceForFools 11 months ago
@BadScienceForFools Well it is logical if you overlook that the coconuts would break unevenly and the sharp edges would cut up the gums. The shells would need to be ground or cracked not jabbed open.
MsSquarebearz 11 months ago
@MsSquarebearz you are joking, right? why would an animal that was exclusively carnivore eat coconuts? also, to my knowledge, coconuts were not around at the time tyrannosaurus was.
MobileThinker 11 months ago
@MobileThinker I wish I was joking. This is something that certain churches and even creationist museums are teaching to explain the teeth issue. I was not aware of coconuts being around at that time either, but remember creationist believe the world is not all that old compared to evolutionist. I grew up hearing these explanations my whole life and people wonder why I find it impossible to believe in this stuff now.
MsSquarebearz 11 months ago
@MsSquarebearz holy fuck..........i think they are trying to kill us with dumb nowadays. that is just ridiculous.
MobileThinker 11 months ago
My ribs hurt
oldcomic1 11 months ago
When were the talking Donkeys made? Or is that "micro" evolution? LOL
Looking forward to these!!
pumpstations 11 months ago
Hilarious!
It's obvious that they thought that the sky was blue because there was water up there, above the "firmament"
SiriusMined 11 months ago
Love it!
nephthysuk 11 months ago
super!
WildwoodClaire1 11 months ago
It always confused me how he made the light before the stars. Maybe it burst forth from is heavenly backside.
soundslave 11 months ago 8
@soundslave Well how many times have you heard the expression " they think the sun shines out of his arse"?
:0)
paulchartley 11 months ago 2