Arise Minus JPEGs -- Let's Start the Bidding at $2 (part 2/2)

[JanitorAntisocial]

Lechuza does have only three syllables, but it has six phonemes.

Why they didn't bother with rendering a portrait for the L phoneme is beyond me.

Oh, right--because this game is shit.

[Gyroz9]

I Googled code flower. It's not a real thing. :<

[CrystalKabuto]

@Gyroz9

It's a note flower not code flower :P.

[Cheetah1251]

Wait, so what happened after he found him on the cross?

[Serelijah]

@Cheetah1251 An owl demon appeared and then either the developers would have had to use effort to continue or they left a chance open for another quick $2 per buyer.

[KingKoodaz]

Burnt corpses, what was your relationship with Rita?

[CandiFan1]

Angry baby John McCain, what was your relationship with Rita?

[TollingBells]

There was something in the TV before the rose appeared on it, like the bottom of a goth doll...I'm so much more interested in that then the game...

It almost seems like these guys took you up on that statement you made in the 'True Shit' videos that anyone could make a better game, and tried to make one worse.

[chosentonessournotes]

A lechuza is actually thought to be a spirit of a "witch" who terrorizes humans near the US/Mexican border. The stories are actually 1000x more terrifying than this shitty fucking adventure game.

[ocdfreak]

mike dawson did shitty adventure games better

[grottypissedstained]

9:50

BWAH FUCK

[Seydaschu]

Why would your game have a set of 4 collectable mcguffins and literally put them all in the same place? Without making them separate later? I mean, you could have just put a piece after a few of the puzzles and the last one in the safe, and that would've worked the same for your little cutscene. Or better yet, just make it one thing! "This picture frame is missing a rare jewel, let's go get it".

[NeoTStyle]

3:03

Yeah, crud!

FUCKING CRUD!

[KKoserYaks]

Did anyone else notice the spelling error at 5:34? "Am I loosing my mind?"

[DoctorSmashman]

@KKoserYaks There is an absolutely depressing amount of people who don't realize that's even a spelling error.

[Zknight7126]

The scariest part is the title screen.

[spetnaz93]

so i guess you guys are ending everything with "*sigh*... dead to rights"

[NickandSasuke]

@spetnaz93 Only shitty things.

[Sacredfire059]

"That's two dollars down the dr-I mean, Lechuza."

[AbyssalFrost]

"Can you die in this game?"

"No."

"THE HORROR!"

Actually, that is pretty terrifying. Imagine being stuck in this horrible game forever with no hope for the beautiful respite that only death could bring. Stuck in this nightmare, unable to die? Sounds pretty frightening to me...or boring. Maybe both.

[MalamiteLtd]

The End of Lechuza.

"O RLY?"

YA RLY.

"NO WAI!!!"

[CharlieTVS]

@NostalgicSince2005 It's all on Slowbeef's blip.tv in 5 big parts. No need to wait for all 22 here.

[mrmcmizzle]

i google image searched "ringtoss master" hoping mike dawson would come up. no luck

[g00dguy23]

I get the feeling that this game was going to be longer, what with the four pieces of the frame. . . but then they realised they would have to make FOUR different locations, and that would have taken effort.

[GregEdgar88]

I swear to god, one more Rita joke and I'll find whoever posted it, beat them to death with my laptop, and frame Mike Dawson for the crime.

[snappy2332]

@GregEdgar88 Hey GregEdgar88, did you kill Rita?

[DragoonBoom]

@snappy2332 You suck.

[snappy2332]

@DragoonBoom are you saying you killed rita?

[gawzz]

5mins in photoshop holy shmuck!

[PolyesterMoustache]

I really hope someone sues whoever made la chuza

[ShadowSam13]

Burn marks, what was your relationship with Rita?

[EcksDeeOneTwoThree]

Seriously? Demon owls? The fucking baby was scarier than that.

[xenu4life]

Bloodbath Gojira Pripps may be the greatest name ever.

[PickpocketSan]

I love how these point-and-click computer games can't think of any clever puzzles. It's always something really stupid and out of place like a post-it note saying "1234 is entry" or a really simple clockwork mechanism that somehow powers a MacBook with 1780's technology. Or worse, it's something impossible to guess and totally random like lighting a fireplace with only a cupcake and a dead fish.

[AiRwOlFe23]

DEAD. TO. RIGHTS.

[MoonIMover]

So the guy was eaten by a big owl, or what?

[Goldbloodeddragon]

And not ONE John McCain face...

[smpletan]

@Goldbloodeddragon The baby was a Baby McCain.

[salvo711]

Incidentally, Amnesia: The Dark Descent was developed by Frictional Games, a Swedish developer. Just throwing that out there.

Ah, Dead to Rights...

[KINFIN123]

THat baby head kinda creeped me out.

[AngelHalo017]

@KINFIN123 "You're playing the free version of this game"

[Thrawn369]

I remember not getting the same puzzle in Eternal Darkness. "88 keys? Fuck this! I'll just mess around with that piano, see if that helps."

Even after the piano unlocked the next page I thought it was a sanity effect for about an hour like the fake "Game Over! The battle against Darkness will continue in our sequel!"

[BohepansTheThird]

Maybe they were just Png files instead? ...I apologize, I can't pretend to know the difference between a Jpeg, a Png, and a Gif. Dah.

[fastbreak333]

I dunno why people are saying there are jpgs here. They're clearly png pop-up scares! Totally different!

[thatguy1145]

So basically nothing happened. I mean it looks like something at the end happens, but then it cuts out right before anything ACTUALLY happens. Even Arise had some sort of action and "plot" resolution.

[TheRetroman]

...This is the only Retsupurae I've had on with another window open. This game is soooo draining, and I'm saying this having gone through all of the Darkseed videos so far and loving them.

[SkuttieG]

I feel a bit lied to guys, you said there weren't any jpegs but the games full of them from google

[wmegaw]

I guess this fills the really-bad-horror-adventure-ga­me void for ipad users since they can't play flash games on newgrounds

[Flokkerdude]

@wmegaw zing.

[PickpocketSan]

@wmegaw The best part is that iPad users have to *pay* for those shitty adventure games. What a deal!

[vhulk501]

Steve Jobs is rolling over in his grave.

[telecaster860]

The horror of touch-tone emulated rotary dialing!

[ImmaKai1]

String cheese, what was your relationship with Rita?

[EternalGuardian07]

What the fuck happened?

[Mr70084]

They must have taken mike dawsons class on excellent game design.

[HHKelevra]

It's like Limbo of the Lost lite.

[harizotoh7]

I don't understand the ending at all. He found himself on a cross in a mirror world? 

[inferno232]

@harizotoh7 I guess you could say that he found himself in Jesus.

[lisledre]

@harizotoh7 that's the Dark World version of Lachuza's protagonist.

[Zakuzelo]

I have to admit, the game suddenly inverting itself and copies of you appearing everywhere would be pretty damn creepy if it wasn't done so poorly.

[Nionivek]

@Zakuzelo No I entirely agree. It COULD have been legitimately scary but it is immediately ruined by the floating picture frames with silly overexpressive faces.

That and the fact that never does the game make any sense.

[shoplifting1is1fun]

@Nionivek

I consider the critical flaw to be that the game is just shit.

[ExtrematronYT]

@Zakuzelo Also if your character didn't look like a human version of Goofy.

[Stainbreak]

a weegee board?

[Paikerchu13]

@Stainbreak

Ouija Board.

[Nordlys]

Would be nice if you took requests somewhere. I imagine this is what nearly every chantard sounds like: v=ilgufFPTdns

[Brainstrain]

At least we didn't have 60 minutes of pointless Dawsonlogue

[hehehe88]

@Brainstrain This is instantly a new thing, sir. congratulation

[Darsular]

The owls are not what they seem. For example, they may seem interesting at first.

[PolyesterMoustache]

that's not a rotary phone, that's a touchtone in disguise.

[Pooky1991]

Huh? That was it?! What? Should be a penny.

[PickpocketSan]

I guess you would call that plant a CODELIFLOWER. Eey, I'm here all week.

[GenjiFirefly]

Alright, so this is the fl.. Erhm, iOS version of "Limbo of the Lost"?

[shadowfax273k]

@GenjiFirefly Limbo of the Lost was so bad it's hilarious. This is just crap.

[imatooltoo]

wtf is this shit you guys use to be good go back to billy 

[fastbreak333]

@imatooltoo 0/10 troll harder please

[JackoteDark]

Man ... I miss Billy

[CommanderMantis]

I'm going to replace all of the owls in this game with evil lettuce and release it as Lechuga.

[hehehe88]

@CommanderMantis I'll replace all your lettuce with trains and call it "Lechuga-chuga-chuga-chuga"

[Kriegdrache]

I'd lechuza nother game to play

[ArchangelDrake]

@Kriegdrache You clever mother fucker

[Cloaytonem2]

Hey, where are the Newgrounds reviews?

[superpika237]

How is this worth any money? I mean, you've already said that, but how is *THIS* in the top 3 on the App store? :<

[AmericanAviator]

Hideously deformed main character on the title screen, what was your relationship with Rita?

[rrmbball]

I miss Mike Dawson.

[RedSHARK6]

Baby face on the wall, did you murder Rita?

[nakateconroy]

What was your relationship with rita, demon painting

[DaRkLoRdZoRc]

Disembodied unkind spirit hand, what was YOUR relationship with Rita?

[pullahoko]

"Can I do something for you?"

"Nah, I'm good."

[SkuttieG]

Burnt main character did you sleep with Rita?

[videogamenostalgia]

Awwww....I was expecting another instalment in the thrilling adventures of Mike 'Ring Toss Champion' Dawson...

[TheAxelMiller]

Slowbeef killed Rita. Obviously.

[CandiFan1]

An angry baby head? Throw some rings at it.

[piggemz]

Last second missing from this video, did you murder Rita?

[Crezth]

LOL another great video guys, but seriously $2 is not a lot of money.

[shockraid1]

@Crezth Still 4 dollars too much for this game.

[Crezth]

@shockraid1 I kneel before your witticism.

[LuigioSMBZ]

@Crezth It's the principle of it. Like saying in order to play Arise you need to pay the MO FUN ZONE. It's not a lot of money but really not worth any of the money

[Crezth]

@LuigioSMBZ Well you must not be a DIAMOND member of the Mo' Fun Zone, with access to Arise: 3D and Arise Forever!

[LuigioSMBZ]

@Crezth This time the JPEGs are animated GIFs!!

[BoisterousBizarnes]

L, what was your relationship with Rita?

[LordIronHat]

Slowbeef, you and Diabetus should be Jeff and Mike Dawson for Halloween.

[victorsheart]

Owl demon, what was your relationship with Rita?

[Physhi]

I am infinitely more interested in this protagonist in Lechuza than I am in Darkseed II's protagonist simply because I don't know what the fuck is going on in the last scene.

[NightTaoretaDawn]

Srlsy I don't get it...who killed Rita?

[posthumanfetus]

@NightTaoretaDawn It absolutely wasn't Mike Dawson.

[T3hWaffleman]

Spirit, did you kill Rita?

[MJ1284]

I bet Mike Dawson would be confused in that house... there's no bathroom in it!

[MationAnimations]

If I had 2 cents for every man Rita slept with I could buy Lechuza for the entire earth's population and buy Mike Dawson that lobotomy he needs so badly.

[robinadams]

1:30 That... that's not the noise a rotary dial phone makes.

[Ploxorg]

The owls are not what they seem.

[CardsOfTheHeart]

It IS scary to me how mentally unstable you have to be to believe that this game is scary.

[inferno232]

LA-CHEW-ZA!

[Hamsteere]

Lachooza, what was your relationship with Rita?

[DodgingAndWeaving]

I wish billy would make a comeback soon oh well

[ExtrematronYT]

So, wait, if the ticks mark are 41 now, how is the 42nd victim supposed to solve the TV trick?

And for that matter, how did every victim who wasn't a factor of 5?

[AdamX222]

@ExtrematronYT 5, 5, 5, 5, 5, 5, 5, 5, 1?

[SwedishElite]

i am ashame

[SirTotallyAwesome]

zomg dis gam is so skary

*hides in corner*

Seriously? Owls? Owls are cute.

[TheToast7]

@SirTotallyAwesome Are you sure they're not HORRIFYING?

[bhelish]

This game is an experimental type of horror, meta-horror.

By the time you get to the end, you have a realization that you spent money on this piece of crap.

Yes that is the horror, not some silly atmosphere or jpegs.

[TheAbridgedGamer]

Nice videoes XD

Really funny how you guys can make this so entertaining, it's like i found the new meaning of life.

Work, doing homework, and watch retsupurae.

Really thx :D

[invertin]

A game where you are attacked by hundreds of copies of yourself in a dark mirror world sounds like a pretty good idea for a horror game, actually.

This is the single worst way you could ever possibly pull off that horror concept.

[SuperflatNut]

Out of morbid curiosity I looked up the TouchArcade thread about this game, and oh man am I ever glad I did. Here's part of the author's latest response:

"You could say the graphics are a mashup of photos, drawings and 3d combined. A lot of work has been put into the graphics, and we think it turned out pretty nice. The playtime varies from player to player, but it should at least take you a couple of hours to complete."

Amazing.

[CSB]

Coming soon from Cyberdreams to the iOS App Store: Ring Toss.

Includes touchscreen capability and features a roster of selectable characters from the Dark Seed series. If you pick Mike Dawson, the App says "Hey, you missed pal!" and deletes itself from your iPad out of shame.

No refunds.

[TheToast7]

@CSB HOLY SHMUCK

So, out of curiosity, I was wondering if Cyberdreams ACTUALLY WAS still in business. According to wikipedia, their fate is listed as "possible dissolved." HOWEVER, I discovered that, besides Darkseeds 1 and 2, and "I have no mouth and I must scream" they made TWO OTHER GAMES. The first, CyberRace, had artwork done by the guy who designed Tron, I guess. The SECOND, however, Is "Noir: A Shadowy Thriller," and it has no wikipedia page, but more importantly, is A SEQUEL TO DARKSEED

[CSB]

@TheToast7 Unfortunately, it's not a Dark Seed sequel -- although it might be construed as such from the way the sentence is arranged. The person who wrote it probably didn't notice the ambiguity error.

But I can't tell if you're being sarcastic, so here I am typing this out, haha.

[TheToast7]

@CSB Well, when I originally wrote it, I was not being sarcastic. However, I immediately noticed my error, but I decided to leave it up because why not. And besides, we can't say FOR SURE that Noir: A Shadowy Thriller is NOT a sequel to Darkseed, as it has not yet been wrongpuraed.

[SuperflatNut]

"Emma! That infestation of uncanny valley men is back, call the exterminator!"

[typomanbros]

As they say in the native Sweden, "Döda till Rättigheter"

[PickpocketSan]

@typomanbros JOHN MCCAIN'S PET, WHY?!

[Republican1235]

The Arise series is a million times better because they spent a whopping 30 minutes on production while the Lechuza team spent 5 minutes. Man, think how much better this game would be if they took the time to add zombie John McCains

*open front door* ZOMBIE JOHN MCCAIN

*repair music box* ZOMBIE JOHN MCCAIN

*Look at your dead, crucified corpse while a giant owl demon spazzes out* ZOMBIE JOHN MCCAIN

[Chibekoe]

I love how "So Bad It's Good" is in the related videos.

[TheToast7]

@Chibekoe There's also "What The Lord Has Done In Me"

SYMBOLISM???

[FSinWCR]

I miss Mike Dawson.

[TheAxelMiller]

This game makes me ashamed to be Swedish.

[MellowMink]

Owl demon, did you murder Rita?

[Trina120889]

@MellowMink No, but he did date Rita

[PTp1ranha]

@Trina120889 And he took the carnival money.

[HHKelevra]

Photoshop 'Burn' tool - I mean - 'Charred corpses,' what's your relationship with Ring Toss?

[posthumanfetus]

I love how even though we're watching this as a break from Darkseed II, we're still making Mike Dawson jokes.

[TonkarzOfSolSystem]

@posthumanfetus Dude, they are still making Dead to Rights jokes.

[posthumanfetus]

@TonkarzOfSolSystem Dead to Rights will never... die.

[Ygdrasel]

@posthumanfetus

posthumanfetus, did you murder Rita?

[TheMightyP00tis]

@posthumanfetus i love how even though i watched the whole thing im here watching part 2.

[T00stoopid]

@posthumanfetus Posthumanfetus did you murder Rita?

[DorianCairne]

@posthumanfetus Retsupurae's massive, intricate set of overlapping memes and in-jokes, what was your relationship between these JPEGs and Rita's breast cancer?

[posthumanfetus]

@DorianCairne Front loaded anvils, did you murder Rita with a nice fat KO?

[DorianCairne]

@posthumanfetus Yes, I busted her tank, and it looked like the aftermath of goatse! *retainer suck* If you don't think it was awesome, you are STUPID.

[MistaRoburtz]

@DorianCairne Ridley, did you kill Rita? i was playing ring toss and found her dead to rights.

[PickpocketSan]

@DorianCairne Ridley wasn't fucking Sweet Jesus Mother of Mary and Amy's bum while driving Cornshaq's grotty piss-stained toilet through a waterfall, were you?

Well bye!

[posthumanfetus]

@PickpocketSan I think this joke needs some fleshing out. No pun intended.

[rickhh1]

@DorianCairne It's ajar.

[M30W3R]

@DorianCairne *tosses a bit coin towards you*

[lobsopdoy]

@DorianCairne Don't worry about it.

[Cloaytonem2]

@DorianCairne Actually, it's spelled, "triceratops."

[XxMariofan21xX]

@posthumanfetus THE JOKES WILL NEVER STOP

[hehehe88]

@XxMariofan21xX The raptah thinks that the jokes can only be stopped by-AHHH!

[ZeroknightC]

Holy Shmuck! You missed pal!

[KrisRandomHero]

It's not vaz, it's vase. >> omg. jk

[Me14986]

Xth, now shut your whore mouths.

[theinspectorshetty]

Nobody cares if you're 1st

[Judgementxxx]

65th