Eli's Dirty Jokes - Episode 23 - Bedroom Burglar

[rollock]

You're like the most unfunny person in the whole world..

[Music002734]

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you."

[BErandonMC]

4:20 on the clock! my clock is always set to 420

[TheSpeedyCola]

@Blairthekittykat Thats how he knows the story.

[wwefan12372]

ألله أكبر

[Rowila]

OWNED!!

[karbonaros]

hearing the woman talk like eli is epic

[Dillon1225]

Did anyone notice its 4:20?

[WWEPayPerViews1]

@Dillon1225 dillon i finally found you again on youtube. its chico. respond to the inbox please

[SargentMugen]

So burglars haven't seen women in years? Where did he get that from?

[Digijedi569]

fapable

[TaylinJaye]

Heard it

[gatorman02]

Rape is never funny

[RainbowCash010]

man theres a video that has a vagina and i want to watch it but my mom is in the room

[eddieherrera99]

@RainbowCash010 your mom? XDDD

[wwefan12372]

الله اكبر

[sajdsdasio]

That's not the full joke...

She's supposed to say "“I’m so relieved you feel that way. He wasn’t kissing me, he was whispering to me. He told me he thinks you’re really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom."

[PrototypeClex]

He ruined the joke... it still mostly works I suppose

[keishipsy]

lmao pwnd

[BenediktEinarssonTM]

Y U NO 480p

[TrollingPatrolling]

Why black people get scared when they have diarrhea ??Because they think there melting!!hahahahah

[lenivech]

@TrollingPatrolling That is racist,but i still laughted alot

[TrollingPatrolling]

@lenivech yeah it's racist but it's funny lol

[GTAA16]

This was taken from a spanish show... spanish one is better. -T

[skarosTHEgreek]

Elicat. :3

[CookieeBearr03]

Oh.! Shit he should of neva open his mouth.."

[vampirefredrik]

Seth:Annie, i cut my finger again can you help me?

Annie: oh my god!!

Seth:that's not helping, i'll ask mom instead.

Seth:Mom, i've cut my finger, can you help me?

Mom: oh my god!!

Seth:That's what she said, but he dosen't wanna help me

(sorry if the joke was bad, i'm still learning :P)

[topper253]

@vampirefredrik that wasnt even a joke

[VideoGamerHD]

@vampirefredrik Okay. Now... you need to add the punchline.

[vampirefredrik]

@VideoGamerHD punchline was that Seth thought they both told him that God was gonna help him

[VideoGamerHD]

@vampirefredrik oh... yeah, that's funny... I guess. Good job.

[MrCHILLn01]

the clock says 4 20 i guess the robber was just smokin or lookin for weed

[GarySpatzScam]

would anyone hit her?

[AgentDumbKid]

2 men walk into a bar, the third one ducks. :D

[mguzman011]

The cat looks like Eli :3

[Dragox55]

i would be scared at that moment

[IJsRfSpArTaN]

Two men and a woman just watched a romantic gangster movie, so the woman said to one man "do you wanna go upstairs to make some White stuff too." The second man overhears this and says " butt the meth lab is in the basement!"

[SuperRina99]

subliminal mesage if you click 2 thumbs up if you agree

[thexlalax]

ohh f**k XD

[Avatar230594]

he told it wrong

[MrDevilnote]

press 2 and you hear gay convict

[WayoftheTau27]

press 3 like crazy you know what eli is doing.....

[coolclipsVEVO]

A couple are slepping when the hear a noise from the living room

The man said that maybe this is a rat

But the woman is worried and goes to see what happened

And shee see a Burglar

They have the angriest sex ever and when the woman returned to the bedroom she said:

- Honey you were right it was a rat

[thingsyoualreadyno2]

just press 4!44

[MusicMagician123]

Did anyone notice tht there cat looks like eli xD

[DMP1930]

thereisgrandson and a grandpa the grandson sees his grandpa smoking a cigar the grandson said hey can I try some of that.The grandpa says can ur weiner touch your asshol,grandson replies no,so grandpa says no.Next day the little boy sees him drinking some beer again he asks the same question.Then the next day the old man sees the kid eating a cookie and and asks can i have one the litle boy says can your weiner touch your asshole old man replies yes it can kid says wellwhy dont yougofuck urself

[BloodyNashtastic]

were did the dog go?

[flamez1693]

ok heres 1:

2 friends r playing video games 1 night, n then the sister of one of the gamers passes by. then the brother says to his friend, "hey wat do u think of my sis?" the friend says wat do u mean? the bro says, "I mean, would u evr do her?" the friend says, "Yeah I think would." The bro says, "good, Im not the only one who would."

[thecoadwordis]

@flamez1693 lame

[0wolfplayer0]

Did anyone notice that the couple's cat looks like Eli?

[PandaBoo92]

LMAO 0:53

[TheWhatnou]

wait...ive heard that joke somewhere else before...

[LovePeacePrinceton]

ohh i read this joke b4!!!

[LM19261]

Thumbs up for only three toes instead of five XP

[tf2fan006]

OMG its becky form ffstv!

[zamordomin]

lol the cat

[Lilosol]

Hahaha! Eli is the cat :D

[diazjasmin68]

Eli is in everyone one of his jokes haha!! thumbs up if you've noticed!

[1996funkytown]

A cop pulls a girl over and comes up the side of the car to her window. Then out of no where he drops his dick out. The girl yells " OH NO not another breathalyzer test!" Then the cop says put your mouth on it and blow. =)

[Nowaking]

DAMN YOU FOLGERS!!!

[tazzy186]

I've heard this one a million times from too many different people.

[thae2020]

eli is the...CAT?!XD 0:13

[legorocks4256]

SWIM SUIT CALINDER :D

[tarheelgirl321]

hehehehhe

[Lightn0x]

A man enters the bedroom with a goat in his arms to find his wife laying in the bed

"Look, dear", he says, "this is the cow I have sex with when you're sick"

The wife says: "If you weren't so stupid, you'd realize that that is a goat"

"Well, if YOU weren't that stupid, you'd realize I was talking to the goat"

[InFamousKillAA]

@Lightn0x I finally get it after reading it like 3 times. ahhh funny

[calvinandhobbesrocks]

0:27 Eli's mumbling lol

[chelseathegreat246]

lol wtf Eli cat!!

[MrMoomy5]

One ugly-ass cat XD (I know its eli)

[SuperBlakerz]

eli is the cat in the beginning

[7Rafe7]

aw man i was hoping wed get to see him bang her

[MrErki1234]

eww the cat looks like eli

[xxxpizza14xxx]

hahaa eli is the cat in 0:12 he comes out in all of the videos

[SwaggaSoSick32]

The teacher asks Little Johnny "Which body part goes to heaven first?"

Little Johnny replies "The feet miss"

So the teacher says "Why the feet?"

And Little Johnny says "Because when I go in my mummys bedroom at night she has her legs in the air shouting 'Oh my God I'm coming'"

lol

[Rospandan]

@SwaggaSoSick32 "it was a good thing that uncle bert held on to her"

[MrNinja290]

@SwaggaSoSick32 ive heard tht before

[SwaggaSoSick32]

@MrNinja290 so.........? no need to post it



[InvaderScuzz]

@SwaggaSoSick32 nice one. :)

[koroconnell]

@SwaggaSoSick32 why did you post this on two eli vids?

[SwaggaSoSick32]

@koroconnell idk i just like thumbs up

[shenzielover]

@SwaggaSoSick32 Shouldnt the dad be yelling that....

[HellsingFreakXp]

@SwaggaSoSick32 Oooooh Little Johnny, what will you be up to next.

[SwaggaSoSick32]

@HellsingFreakXp lil johnny jokes are the best

[chivasjavier96]

the clock says 4:30 at 0:45

[tauwilltriumph]

I heard this one with "Good that you mentioned that, because he just said he's going to the bathroom for some vaseline"

[crazyshooter1304]

eli is a cat at 0:14

[MegaBuckcherry]

@crazyshooter1304 i dont get wat ur sayin

[DateWithFred]

hehe you sound like you have only 3 teeth but the jokes entertain me

[ilovekyokyoxD]

LOL... THE CAT....

[scotfever]

ive heard a better version of this

[dudayev02]

i've heard this joke before.... but still its awesome

[CircaSkating]

lmfao, i was watching this at school and even the teacher laughed

[MMORPGplayer111]

lol the cat looks like eli

[Streetracer2209]

I tell all my friends all these jokes... cnt wait till you make new ones!

[TheHackroj]

eli is the cat

[longshadow7171]

Of course the clock says 4:20

lolll

[rufflesthemonkey]

lol harout said this joke i love this one!!!

[ng60alltheway]

eli is the cat!!!

[borborcarcar]

This is classic XD

[octoberboiy]

gay

[captfrankbery]

@octoberboiy stupid ten year old

[octoberboiy]

@captfrankbery i am not ten... fag

[videobezerker]

Eli is the cat



[jenhoex3]

the clock says 420 ;)

[BlaZeDKiLLa124]

@jenhoex3 to bad its 430 way to fail.

[poprocks4]

@BlaZeDKiLLa124 actually it is 4:20 at the beginning. rebound fail

[T16Akatsuki]

@jenhoex3 so?

[funkyX000]

@jenhoex3 I like 6:09 better

[RenzoFootballer99]

@jenhoex3 A.M

[gymsocker]

@jenhoex3 It actually says 4:30 ;) dipshit.

[lottso88]

@gymsocker It said 4;20 at the beginning, unobservant fool.

[jenhoex3]

@gymsocker actually your the even bigger dip shit cuz im right :) look at 12 seconds... dumb shit

[gymsocker]

@jenhoex3 That clock shows 4:00pm(or am). Do you know how to check time?

[jenhoex3]

@gymsocker your really quite the fuckin idiot... it says 4:20 on the digital clock... its at 13 seconds not 12 my bad but still im right so suck off :)

[gymsocker]

@jenhoex3 Says the person who can't use proper grammar or use proper directions!!

[jenhoex3]

@gymsocker maybe if i was typing a fucking essay i would use proper grammer this is YOUTUBE so im gunna type however i want :) stop trying to insult me just because you tried proving me wrong and now you realize i was right all along! looks like the person who cant use proper grammer is smarter than you;)

[gymsocker]

@jenhoex3 So you do admit you can't use grammar? And I can add spelling to that, and for a a few words, you had a little bit of a rage moment, but then again, you have had one in every comment :3

[zMarathonnHD]

@jenhoex3 4:30 actually...

[jenhoex3]

@zMarathonnHD no your stupid it says 4:20 in the beginning.... @12 seconds the clock says 4:20 so suck itttt ;)

[zMarathonnHD]

@jenhoex3 actually look @44 seconds it says 4:30

[jenhoex3]

@zMarathonnHD yeah I realize that, i also realize the analog clock at 10 seconds reads 4:00. When i typed my first comment saying 4:20 i only noticed the digital clock at :13 seconds and that one DOES say 4:20 so anybody else trying to say im wrong, im right your just stupid :)

[IrishAmerican1234]

@jenhoex3 so?

[aznboy3213]

@jenhoex3 I don't get it

[KillerOfCereal1]

@jenhoex3 It says 4:30

[jenhoex3]

@KillerOfCereal1 yeahhh but go to 12 seconds into the video duhh

[KillerOfCereal1]

@jenhoex3 Why did I even bother replying to a comment that is 6+ months old? =P My bad.

[kiercormic]

@jenhoex3 shit im watching this at 420

[0wolfplayer0]

@kiercormic OMG ME TOO 4:20 IN MY COUNTRY! XD

[98helmethead]

@jenhoex3 i dont get it

[abcdefh123able]

it means he's GAY and not in the jolly way. (gay also means haappy)

[thecoadwordis]

@jenhoex3 4:30

[fetch300]

@jenhoex3 I don't get it.

[biiigryan]

@jenhoex3 it says 4:30

[08mohawk]

@jenhoex3 yeah? it says 4:20 retard and if you still dont understand i feel sad for you :P

[jenhoex3]

@08mohawk no shit it says 4:20 ? dumbbbb ass

[MrDjingo]

@xarealpersonx HAHAHA I rewinded it at least 7 times hahahaha.

[1Seanny]

dont the cat looks like Eli

[Giibbzyx1]

But why did he escape? wudn'thave just stayed in prison and keep dropin the soap :L

[1basketballgurl]

yo was gay...! P.S. Eli was the cat in the beginning lolz

[legomaster335]

haha eli is the cat

[ABHolowVictories]

0:54 < Priceless

[Fanatixtube]

oh man, the burglar is gonna hit that

[Sk8inLegend]

HA HA hes the cat :D lol

[foreverloved7]

Where is eli??

[jeudyfeo1]

@foreverloved7 sitting

[jeudyfeo1]

@foreverloved7 sitting in a chair

[holycrapitstowlie]

@foreverloved7 He's the old man at the beginning telling the joke.

[foreverloved7]

@holycrapitstowlie yes ik that but ususally he is in the backround during the "joke" part.. with the other "actors"

[foreverloved7]

@holycrapitstowlie yes ik that but ususally he is in the backround during the "joke" part.. with the other "actors" eli is the cat.. i found it out

[holycrapitstowlie]

@foreverloved7 Ah, yes, and he's the blue fish in the whale blow job one, I see what you mean now.

[persiangurl1]

damn this man make me laugh so hard

[Katrieka]

@10isawesome they raping everybody out here lmao.

[10isawsome]

hes climing in yo windows he snatching yo people up trying to rape em so yall need to hide yo kids hide yo wife lol

[4youmyvideos]

the tung thing at 0:53 is grows

[agarcia429]

the cat is eli ^.^

[mrxrobotox16x]

is there any joke with out eli in it besides at the begining and end

[H3llicus]

lol

[paintpaintskate]

Lyrics? Haha subtitles mayne..

[kodi665]

wow that joke sucked

[TheGogitta]

@kodi665 ur jus jealous cuz he's funnier than u

[filipinofear13]

the voice sucks -.-

[TheSOurSweetGOne]

haha i knew it!