Voting Machines Elect One Of Their Own As President

[hollytootoo1]

Ahahahahahaha, good one The Onion

[TheGhostOfPainsey]

lol thank fuck the machine wasnt made by apple

[dataghost196]

@TheGhostOfPainsey if it had been then Steve Jobs would be named POTUS postmortem.

[dataghost196]

@TheGhostOfPainsey at least it was an election machine, better than a Dalek!!

[hollytootoo1]

@TheGhostOfPainsey lol

[PunchSydeironReviews]

So _this_ is how Skynet got their start.

[BrendanIsCool]

I, for one, welcome our DRE700 overlord.

[MrBrilliantChaos]

FORGOT ABOUT DRE700?

[westwingerable]

DRE 700 might have done a better job than Obama

[TheKirby117]

I'm pretty sure almost all the people posting Binary, don't know binary.. and that's just really sad.

[hafabee]

Wow that is excellent satire. I'd say the day America truly died was the day the people allowed for voting machines, any similarities they had to being a democracy died on that day.

[P0LITICALLYC0RRECT]

"DRE 700 IS LEADER. TREMBLE BEFORE HIM AND PREPARE TO DO HIS WILL. 110100110..." Is it just me, or does DRE 700 sound like Vaktus and the machine who wrote this is a Vaktovian Captain. O.e VAKTUS WILL BE PRESIDENT?! OHOONOOOO!!!!

[itachi155]

THIS IS BULLSHIT. It states you must be born in America to be the President! This machine was born in China!

[Kouta13]

@itachi155 Well it states that you must be born in America. Dre700 was technically not born. His parts were made in China, however he was turned on in America. Therefore, he was conceived in China, but born in America.

And I for one support our new machine overlord...and I'm not saying that because I have a plasma rifle pointed at my head and my computer forcing me to type this out...

And to prove it, I will list some of my favorite words:

H elicopter

E lk

L oop

P otato

M oon

E ast

[MrBunnyWasHereFirst]

01000100 01010010 01000101 00100000 00110111 00110000 00110000 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101100 01100101 01100001 01100100 01100101 01110010 00101100 00100000 01100010 01101111 01110111 00100000 01100010 01100101 01100110 01101111 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101000 01101001 01101101 00100000 01101111 01110010 00100000 01100110 01100001 01100011 01100101 00100000 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110111 01110010 01100001 01110100 01101000 00101110

[daleskill1]

@MrBunnyWasHereFirst 011011000110111101101100

[darkvisiongothacked]

@MrBunnyWasHereFirst 01001001 00100000 01100010 01101111 01110111 00100000 01100010 01100101 01100110 01101111 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101110 01101111 00100000 01101111 01101110 01100101 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01101001 00100000 01100001 01101101 00100000 01110010 01101111 01101111 01110100 00101110

[gredangeo]

Meh, that brainless box is just as useful as any other brainless box.

[Bigriterridge23]

DRE 700 IS LEADER. PREPARE TO TREMBLE BEFORE HIS WILL 100101010101010101010010010010­001010100111010101001010101011­110101001010101001101001010101­010101010000010101011000101010­100010111010101101010101011001­010101001000000100101010101001­100100001010101110101010101011

[hafabee]

I can't believe that the US has voting machines, one word for that....suckers.

[h0rnd0917]

Maybe they meant to elect Dr Dre?

[TonyTheAnything]

Looks like something Anonymous would do.

[AntiRacismAndHateCom]

The DRE-700 can't be President. It was made in China.

[iandhr]

And I for one welcome I new computer overlords.

[Mrmineproductions]

Wow! I wonder what would happen next???

[ScientificExploits]

"I didn't vote for the machine, nor did anyone else I know, but that's how democracy works." LMAO

[Zillionatom]

ALL HAIL DRE- 700! 11000101100011110010100

[SuperStingray]

Where's his birth certificate? It's obvious he was born in China.

[touber2011]

I just created a petition at Whitehouse(.)gov to ensure accuracy in voting by making sure there are paper and computer copies, as well as a copy for the voter. We need 150 signatures to get it on the main page where it needs 5,000 votes to be recognized! HELP! wh(.)gov/44O is the link

[thebigconsultant]

You need to organise a monititoring of your next election.

Only the USA, uses these machines. In the UK we hand count every paper ballot. Same elsewhere.

You are not the land of the free. Your president has been chosen already.

[touber2011]

@thebigconsultant I just created a petition at Whitehouse(.)gov to ensure accuracy in voting by making sure there are paper and computer copies, as well as a copy for the voter. We need 150 signatures to get it on the main page where it needs 5,000 votes to be recognized! HELP! wh(.)gov/44O is the link

[thebigconsultant]

@touber2011 Cool. Because otherwise this happens watch?v=PKQEQ7qHvgM

[anonymousman555]

@thebigconsultant In the USA, we have a sense of humor, and we know the difference between a joke and a real event.

[anonymousman555]

@thebigconsultant Your leaders have also been chosen already too buddy, they call it media propaganda. The United States doesn't rig the machines, they rig the voters.

[thebigconsultant]

@anonymousman555 Ha ha! Er, maybe they rig both just to be sure. Here is the evidence caught on tape!! watch?v=PKQEQ7qHvgM

[1979Spica]

Don't you have to be American-born to become president? I am sure that the voting machines are made in China.

[jimmyboyG485]

Fuck, where's Will Smith when you need him?

[OddOneOwt]

there is no way that machine is old enough to be president

[mat2000100]

Mow could they make the dre700 wins presidency (2:32)graphic in just 2 minutes?

[lsudolemite]

I, for one, welcome our new voting machine overlords.

[missymissy0]

I DONT CARE IF YOUR A MORMON LIKE WHY ARE YOU ADVERTISING YOU FAITH. BRAINWASHERS -.-"

[swimteamizzle1114]

*comment removed by DRE 700*

[motleyhar]

I bow to you, my machine overlord. I love thee, command me as you will.

[shadowC10ne]

Scary. Makes you think about truthfulness of data in computers about voting...

[marsneedstowels]

This is like a prequel to the "In the Know" segment about giving robots too much power.

[cronon94]

@marsneedstowels 2:44

[R4nd0m3p1cn3ss]

at 2:07, the end of the comment it says 110100110. Although that is 9 digits, and is not technically a true binary code for a single digit, the number it represents is: 422. The letter that it represents is: ª. I don't even know if that will show up in the comment, but it is a small 'a' that would be used as an exponent in a mathematical equation.

[rebelgamer]

This is the best video the Onion has ever done

[chemoman1]

And he is now known as President Executron.

[RuneArcN8]

Blue Screen of Terror

[Wafflepudding]

101010101010000110010010100001­101101111101001010110101010101­001110101010010101001010100000­000000010101010100100101010100­101110

000101010010100101010101001010­001110010011100100100100010110­001101010010100101010101010010­010100 1001010101010010101 001010101010010101110000100101­010101010111001010101001010101­010100111101001000010100101001­111111100101001000000010101010­101001010100101001000010010101­0010101001110010

010101000110110101001010101010­101010100100101010000010111001­01010101001010101010110...2

[juniperlei]

ALL HAIL DRE 700 10111010

[AmericanPride1234]

They need to put Dre 700 on the $100 dollar bill.

[DKbrozz03]

I didnt vote form DRE700 and dont know anyone who did. but thats how democracy works. best line

[techbeast34]

My iPhone is now hacking the DRE-700 system. I now have complete control over it. Any ideas to change the country?

[MrDarthroadkill]

@techbeast34 yes, nuke it from orbit

[techbeast34]

@MrDarthroadkill On it. Now, Germany just got Nuked.

[RainbowHanryu]

I hope the machine knows that it can't really do anything to the people without Congress's vote.

[MrWsad]

I love you DRE 700! :)

[MrWsad]

It really would be great if DRE 700 won the 2008 presidential election. :)

[chaisack]

i panic,d

[painsey]

maybe the terminator TX model will be the first lady

[halolord01]

i for one welcome our new leader

[housecry]

There's a joke in that binary code somewhere.

[alberterrror]

hahahahhahahahahahhahhahahahhh­ahahahhahahahahahahahhaa

[A7XRules4life]

So Skynet starts with the DRE-700?

[1908DanGreen]

I think that robot robot rigged the election by only allowing people to for itself D: We have to stop it NAOW! If a robot is running our country all the other countries will make fun of us!

[BISlover544]

@1908DanGreen Actually, america is really behind. Every other countries' leader is actually a bioengeneered robot designed to act as a placeholder for human power. You see, every human lead civilization has failed, so the answer? Robots.

!snamuh hsiloof timbuS

[BruceLeDouche]

FUCK ADS

[sesaruoosama]

OH NOOO!!!! THE BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH!!!! WE ARE DOOM!!!!

[randomfriendlyguy]

in all honesty it would probably be better than most of the presidents the U.S. has had.

[james1200]

Brilliant. Welcome to our future.

[chuckthelumberjack]

at least DRE700 wouldn't feed us genetically modified foods without labeling like our current criminal administration.

[psozeldaphreak]

@chuckthelumberjack I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were fed by the government.

[farneyblakeley]

@psozeldaphreak the government allows science projects to be sold as regular food in grocery stores and everywhere else without disclosing the information to the public. Your smart-ass comment was actually pretty stupid

[psozeldaphreak]

@farneyblakeley First off, way to bring up a 3 month old comment d(o.o)b. Secondly, allowing food to be sold is not the same as feeding us. I don't complain to the supermarket if I overcook a steak.

[farneyblakeley]

@psozeldaphreak It's only "food" it it's considered safe to eat. I don't care if you complain to the supermarket if you overcook a steak, that is the most inane comment I can remember reading from someone who obviously takes themselves seriously

[TheAmericanCanadian]

@chuckthelumberjack

you people are crazy.

[shade270]

@chuckthelumberjack Yeah, you really have to watch out for those wrath-minded 'taters.

[Yyyyzyyy]

Um,  I think this is fake....

[foof811]

@Yyyyzyyy No Shit, Sherlock.

[Super7214]

Dr dre

[kecks69cam]

Wonder how many dipshits stayed in their homes for a month straight lol

[EltBerserker]

lol this is the best one

[BastiiiSetsFire]

Oh, I think its very, very dangerous that a machine is now president and... [user disconnected] ... [connection reestablished] ... DRE700 IS LEADER! PREPARE FOR HIS WILL! THUMBS UP!

[paul8kangas]

DRE700 is more qualified than Obama.

Youtube: paul8kangas

[LordofWuss]

@paul8kangas

Why did you say the name of the site you are posting on and your username in your comment?

[cghizzoni]

I'm so sick of everyone bashing Palin. I'm not saying she's right for the job but Obama only has a year more experience than she does. Obama's a joke

[kutzak159]

@cghizzoni

Every president after clinton was a joke..

[GusBariga]

hahah, how do they do this. amazing

[RevolverOcelot1964]

I love how no reporters in the video have any idea of what's really going on, even after LVX 776's comment.

[ILikeCrunchyWater]

I'll write him in next election.

[nate556]

"A good leader shouldn't be concerned how well his people know him, but how well he knows his people."

[GayWorldOrder]

THE ORWELLIAN DRE700 DID WIN.

ITS NAME IS OBAMA.

[YourImaginaryFriend3]

@GayWorldOrder I think you misunderstood the whole 'he's the third candidate' joke. Though I'm sure a 'Obama is a robot' story would be humerous too.

[DeusMalleus]

LOL DRE700 Bluescreened!!!

[XJuanwikoX]

rather have DRE700 than palin..... Re-elect DRE700 in 2012 people ... We need his bright colors and easy voting... I think this is great. I agree with JOhn Bunning , this is how democracy works

[Dockofusa]

@XJuanwikoX Hell, its better than what we got now!

[YMP1995]

DR.DRE FOR PRESIDENT!!! lol

[ThePsychoticScyth396]

well, its still a C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!

[aggradef]

Mothafuckas act like they forgot about DRE700

[blackemblem7]

*goes to buy gun*

[Ghettobusters2]

FINALLY a 3rd party found a way to win.

Long live the DRE-700

[XxXxMaIicexXxX]

THE ROBOT CANNOT BE PRESIDENT CAUSE IT WAS MADE IN CHINA

[extraheavybass]

"Troubling Report Released By the U.S. Dept. of Guys who Want Blow Jobs Suggests Supply May Never Catch up to Demand"

[Lightforspirit]

No matter which administration runs the US Government, you Americans will never be happy no matter what they do.

No offense. But politics is not that easy.

[bassmzero]

@Lightforspirit Agreed. Very few Americans actually understand this. Most pick a side and roll with it.

[Nate30030]

110100110=422

which means.... nothing. Vote up if you did the binary calculation and had the same response.

[UBBADUBBADANG]

@Nate30030

well that is a basic way to look at it

you realize as well that all those words on your computer are just 1's and 0's in the machine as well? Everything can be translated to 1's and 0's.

For example google ascii code.

[TenAC666DC]

@Nate30030 I think ot ment to say 010010000110010101101100011011­0001101111

[buytamra3]

This is what happens when you forget about DRE.

[lopytube]

@buytamra3

If it was up to me they wouldnt stop

coming up to me with thier hands

running up to me like they want vote for free...

Good since of humour

[lanceawatt]

@buytamra3 ha! Right on!

[larsedvartl]

The voting machines would probably run the country better than the current administration...

[Taiyama2]

@larsedvartl They'd probably run the country better than ANY administration.

[Moopzoo]

@A135S4656 Its not just Malware you dumbass. You think you know something bout computers because you can plaster a name on it? Shutup. Although THIS specifically may be Malware, Binary Code is just a data storage method. It's ALL 1's and 0's. By the way, they just mean yes or no, so the code matrix would have to be incredibally long to create a virus to 'get into the Onion's stuff' if they were real.

[ZILOGz80VIDEOS]

me and my commodore amiga will not stand for it

[Moopzoo]

D: Death Raising Entity v700

[LyokoTravels]

LOLXD

[awdrifter3]

But the DRE700 is not made in the USA, it's not elegible to run for president!

[failfan1]

@awdrifter3 IT WAS MADE IN KENYA!!!

[LolCaramelz]

LULZ

[13PHXnash13]

Dre? Shit, Dr. Dre isn't just taking over HP computers, he's taking over the whole world

[Inediblehulk]

That was pretty sweet! Believe me, that's not far from the truth for those of you who live that long. The point of singularity is coming as a matter of fact, and it will be those marvelous inventions of ours that take the reins of history after that.

[TitWarlord]

DRE 700 is ur leader and u must do his will lol

[hacker4637]

Skynet?

[lancekennady]

@hacker4637 lol

[GlassInMyEyeGuy]

None of the asshole commentators think THIS one is real.

[mastax1234]

lol my cousin lives in toledo ohio and he did actually vote for mccain!!!

[ewthmatth]

Pretty lame for an onion vid. The headline was funny. The story was kinda lame though. (You know i'm right.)

[chairbluepen]

-sigh- oh well could be worse *submits*

[brandonjamesbarnes]

Where he is going to make his speech. *Beep Beep Beep Beeeeeep bop*

[A135S4656]

My fav. War for the Whitehouse...

And if you don't think that 110100110 is malicious, then first think of this. Malware binary code has 1s and 0s mostly.

It came in an anonymous email, like most malware does.

After the email was read, the Onion News Network had technical difficulties.

Can't wait for the Onion News Network TV show to come out in 2011 :D

[Amandandoug]

Lol.

[Slaught1004]

LOL SKYNET!

[evilsceptic]

"the machine has no political experiance and spent the first half of his life in a warehouse" still more qualified than palin then

[Fitzcard]

@evilsceptic Palin is a nut job quack, but on paper she had the most executive experience of all the canidates combined. Then again on paper, Bush and his degrees from Yale and harvard look good too.

[deathcamp2]

@evilsceptic u dont even know anything about sarah palin lol

[MonstahhB]

@evilsceptic And smarter than her.

[TaqiyyaExposer]

@evilsceptic

Experience, learn to spell you retarded democrat.

[evilsceptic]

@TaqiyyaExposer HEY! I am not a democrat!

[TaqiyyaExposer]

@evilsceptic

Why take cheap shots at Palin then, how much experience does Obama have?

[evilsceptic]

@TaqiyyaExposer I wrote that comment 3 months ago, I thought it would be funny. and despite being a stupid, arrogant pathological liar obama still has slightly more experience than palin (slightly).

[TaqiyyaExposer]

@evilsceptic

Maybe, she was a Governor, though they seem to give that job to anybody these days.

[mrbriscoe2001]

@evilsceptic and Obama..

[Metalvendetta27]

@mrbriscoe2001 win.

[roejames12]

This one was good lol.

[ralykSNtepnatS]

I bet the code they show at the end in the news ticker says something really funny if you translate it to a human language.

[madskillz1o1]

@ralykSNtepnatS That IS one of human languages... We made it, remember ?

[TheJeremyItaly]

@madskillz1o1 way to be a dick

[madskillz1o1]

@TheJeremyItaly

Why am I a dick ? He was implying binary wasn't a human language, when it clearly is.

[TheJeremyItaly]

@madskillz1o1 lol just making a joke dude

[Dem0nz890]

All hail DRE700

[dlwndwls]

andrea bennett is hot.

[EmperorOfMars]

Thats weird, I never saw DRE-700 on my ballot.

[Groudie101]

better than the one you have now :)

[CamTroid]

3 billion human lives ended on November 3, 2008. The survivors of the nuclear fire called the war Judgment Day. They survived only to face a new nightmare: a war against the voting machines.

[ChristianEvolution]

0011001 "recession" 01010101 00101101

0011010 "united states" 01101001

0010111 "Obama" 10110010...

[argozempo]

In a surprise move, President-elect DRE700 replaced our Secretary of

Transportation-elect with a parking meter.

[Raklryja]

01010100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100001 00100000 01101100 01101001 01100101

[y2k3100]

@Raklryja & so is her death.. she's still alive.

[Raklryja]

watch this in full screen at the end to get the full experience :0

[cellm823]

"America has encountered a problem and needs to close. We're sorry for the inconvenience."

[MCtheCORONER]

the onion should be fried eaten and digested, never to be seen again.

[darksidelead]

@MCtheCORONER its satiric comedy, like what Fox News unintended to be.

[ShadedSphere]

Honestly, that's fucking scary. But azing as usual, Onion!

[Bearkiller777]

LOL...a voting Machine as President.....I would rather have THAT over Obama ANY Day of the Week right now!