It also made me thinner which seemed right for me because as something that doesn't really exist, I should take up as little space as possible. There's also the way it makes you feel - kind of spaced out and dizzy - it made me feel like I was just watching the world happen, not part of it myself.
I hope you never have to go through such a rubbish illness. It sucks xxx
So instead of trying to prove to myself that I should exist, I gave in and accepted that I shouldn't exist. But I loved being alive too much. So I distanced myself from reality. I still seemed the same to everyone but underneath I got really depressed. I stopped eating so much because eating was like acknowledging my own existence but I didn't have the right to exist. I didn't feel part of the world so it didn't seem right to take a legitimate part of the world (food) and put it inside me.
I reasoned that out of the millions of other "me's" that could be here in my place, one of them must be smarter than me, one must be prettier, one must be funnier etc. and from that moment on, I felt the constant need to prove my right to exist over these people. When I was younger I'd do this by being as perfect as I could be, always doing as I was told and trying my hardest in school, but as I got older, school became more competetive and I couldn't be the best any more.
Eating disorders don't really make sense until you've suffered with them. They're so gradual that you don't notice what you're doing and then it's too late and it feels like there's no way out. My anorexia had a really weird root. When I was 6 my dad told me about the wonders of the universe and how we're all lucky to be here because of all the events that had to happen for our existence and how many millions of slightly different people could be here in our place. I interpreted this wrongly
=] thank u!!!! I'll ignore them... it was like one bored video... i'm no expert.. and thanks for the "hot" comment lol.. =] ill try to make another one so that u see how i look now. =] xoxo
i am still fat when i look in thw mirror no matter how much i lose i want to be perfect i want the control over my life my boyfriend split with me over it i also have a diorder called biapolar
=/ Well, that's the girl's deadliest enemy: the mirror. Maybe if u tried not looking at yourself in the mirror too much you'll be able to take the control over your life and not let the mirror and your thoughts get a hold of if. As for the bipolarity, nobody's perfect... and if someone's going to love you, they love you as you are, no need to change for them =). You're pretty, and awesome for admiting it! You're not fat! =) Trust me =) Thanks for reviewing my video ^_^ <3
no one understands what it's like untill it happens to you. I'm not anorexic for anyone but myself, not friends, girls, guys, attention...I have something wrong in my brain, i'm messed up, still trying to find out what caused me but I just wanted to explain alittle, I probably didn't even answer you question..sorry, but I use laxitives too, she is definatly doing something she shouldn't be....
=( Wow, im sorry i hadnt real all ur messages in order... Umm... sweety, ur not ever gonna be extremely fat... trust me, I wish i was friends with u, and i have read about this and ppl who suffer from this disease do, in fact, think quite differently from ppl who don't. Don't worry, i'm not saying "eat all u can" but just a moderate amount of food that doesnt make u extremely full. Then sorta keep eating the same (but good amounts) until u feel comfortable. =/ Man, i knew it, i'll talk to her..
I knew that laxatives are horrible... But hey, listen to me, if u know this disease is deadly, why don't u try to get over it urself? =) come on... let's be friends, I want to help u... =)
I was still fat to myself even when I was losing weight...i had goal weight's and i was acomplishing them but nothing was ever good enough, I used to wish i would just be anorexic b/c i know how bad bulimia damages your teeth....well, I stopped doing "something" I am now anorexic, I eat about a can of soup a day, it's so much easier for people to say just eat, you want attention, your an idiot..blah blah blah
it was like I was on crack....i was addicted to eating as much food as i possibly could b/c I loved the taste of everything. I would eat, weigh myself, puke b/c i would be so full i couldn't even walk up right...I mean seriously i would almost have to crawl b/c i couldn't walk up straight. crazy...story of my life, then i would weigh myself, and feel so good about dropping that 7lbs I just ate...
There are so many reasons for developing this disorder, for just me I was alwys skinny, but I remember ever since I was little my mom always told me I had a big butt..ha ha nice huh. So I always thought I was fat, then about 5 years ago I started doing something that made me hungry, I ate a ton of food, gained 50lbs, I was big...to me so then whenever I ate I puked it up b/c I would eat so much so fast that when I was done my stomach was in so much pain. When I was eating...
=/ But didn't u ever think about doing a diet or maybe controlling the amount of food u ate? Having a nice butt is kewl, lol... Don't ever think ur fat, cuz u never r... and if ur overweight, u can always tone it up and lose some pounds... Resorting to that isn't the best thing u can do... =)
It also made me thinner which seemed right for me because as something that doesn't really exist, I should take up as little space as possible. There's also the way it makes you feel - kind of spaced out and dizzy - it made me feel like I was just watching the world happen, not part of it myself.
I hope you never have to go through such a rubbish illness. It sucks xxx
missgracegallagher 1 year ago
So instead of trying to prove to myself that I should exist, I gave in and accepted that I shouldn't exist. But I loved being alive too much. So I distanced myself from reality. I still seemed the same to everyone but underneath I got really depressed. I stopped eating so much because eating was like acknowledging my own existence but I didn't have the right to exist. I didn't feel part of the world so it didn't seem right to take a legitimate part of the world (food) and put it inside me.
missgracegallagher 1 year ago
I reasoned that out of the millions of other "me's" that could be here in my place, one of them must be smarter than me, one must be prettier, one must be funnier etc. and from that moment on, I felt the constant need to prove my right to exist over these people. When I was younger I'd do this by being as perfect as I could be, always doing as I was told and trying my hardest in school, but as I got older, school became more competetive and I couldn't be the best any more.
missgracegallagher 1 year ago
Eating disorders don't really make sense until you've suffered with them. They're so gradual that you don't notice what you're doing and then it's too late and it feels like there's no way out. My anorexia had a really weird root. When I was 6 my dad told me about the wonders of the universe and how we're all lucky to be here because of all the events that had to happen for our existence and how many millions of slightly different people could be here in our place. I interpreted this wrongly
missgracegallagher 1 year ago
you don't 'do' anorexia. its a mental disorder. not a diet plan. its not a decision. its a disease.
andyoutwotouched 2 years ago 2
i do it cos its making me ...
catriona19996 2 years ago
hey ignore all the nasty fuckers on here, i think ur great..and hot
krisbarber 2 years ago 2
=] thank u!!!! I'll ignore them... it was like one bored video... i'm no expert.. and thanks for the "hot" comment lol.. =] ill try to make another one so that u see how i look now. =] xoxo
Alexitis 2 years ago
i'm forced to do it by voices.
OlySiren 2 years ago
What do u mean? =(
Alexitis 2 years ago
i mean your video sucks, hoe!
OlySiren 2 years ago
Why thanks... I'll try to make them better... Ty for your comment.
Alexitis 2 years ago
i am still fat when i look in thw mirror no matter how much i lose i want to be perfect i want the control over my life my boyfriend split with me over it i also have a diorder called biapolar
smem056 2 years ago
=/ Well, that's the girl's deadliest enemy: the mirror. Maybe if u tried not looking at yourself in the mirror too much you'll be able to take the control over your life and not let the mirror and your thoughts get a hold of if. As for the bipolarity, nobody's perfect... and if someone's going to love you, they love you as you are, no need to change for them =). You're pretty, and awesome for admiting it! You're not fat! =) Trust me =) Thanks for reviewing my video ^_^ <3
Alexitis 2 years ago
nice shirt :P
lorx7 3 years ago
I'll pray for her...this disease isn't fun, it's deadly.
ohyou86 3 years ago
It sure is deadly... and thanks... i'll pray for her as well... =)
Alexitis 3 years ago
no one understands what it's like untill it happens to you. I'm not anorexic for anyone but myself, not friends, girls, guys, attention...I have something wrong in my brain, i'm messed up, still trying to find out what caused me but I just wanted to explain alittle, I probably didn't even answer you question..sorry, but I use laxitives too, she is definatly doing something she shouldn't be....
ohyou86 3 years ago
=( Wow, im sorry i hadnt real all ur messages in order... Umm... sweety, ur not ever gonna be extremely fat... trust me, I wish i was friends with u, and i have read about this and ppl who suffer from this disease do, in fact, think quite differently from ppl who don't. Don't worry, i'm not saying "eat all u can" but just a moderate amount of food that doesnt make u extremely full. Then sorta keep eating the same (but good amounts) until u feel comfortable. =/ Man, i knew it, i'll talk to her..
Alexitis 3 years ago
I knew that laxatives are horrible... But hey, listen to me, if u know this disease is deadly, why don't u try to get over it urself? =) come on... let's be friends, I want to help u... =)
Alexitis 3 years ago
I was still fat to myself even when I was losing weight...i had goal weight's and i was acomplishing them but nothing was ever good enough, I used to wish i would just be anorexic b/c i know how bad bulimia damages your teeth....well, I stopped doing "something" I am now anorexic, I eat about a can of soup a day, it's so much easier for people to say just eat, you want attention, your an idiot..blah blah blah
ohyou86 3 years ago
it was like I was on crack....i was addicted to eating as much food as i possibly could b/c I loved the taste of everything. I would eat, weigh myself, puke b/c i would be so full i couldn't even walk up right...I mean seriously i would almost have to crawl b/c i couldn't walk up straight. crazy...story of my life, then i would weigh myself, and feel so good about dropping that 7lbs I just ate...
ohyou86 3 years ago
There are so many reasons for developing this disorder, for just me I was alwys skinny, but I remember ever since I was little my mom always told me I had a big butt..ha ha nice huh. So I always thought I was fat, then about 5 years ago I started doing something that made me hungry, I ate a ton of food, gained 50lbs, I was big...to me so then whenever I ate I puked it up b/c I would eat so much so fast that when I was done my stomach was in so much pain. When I was eating...
ohyou86 3 years ago
=/ But didn't u ever think about doing a diet or maybe controlling the amount of food u ate? Having a nice butt is kewl, lol... Don't ever think ur fat, cuz u never r... and if ur overweight, u can always tone it up and lose some pounds... Resorting to that isn't the best thing u can do... =)
Alexitis 3 years ago