Communication & Understanding Others : Understanding Passive-Aggressive Men

[systemaddictshock]

I caught myself blaming others for my shortfalls because of PA. ha, never knew that this was actually a condition that people can fall into, including myself. Now I certainly understand why I did the things I done, said, and lashed out. As for me, it started out during childhood wanting to make everyone happy - even if I sacrificed a little bit of myself for it. Crawling out of this condition will certainly be a personal Renaissance.

[GoddessSameena]

GREAT ADVICE! I was in a relationship with a passive aggressive man - he expected me to guess what was wrong, was constantly negative. He had a loser's perspective on life - he defined his success in life by his ability to make his woman not get what she wanted from hers. I told him if wasnt going to change, I would leave him and he didnt. So I left. And he claims he has changed but I know better than to buy his bullshit. 'set boundaries and follow thru on consequences' - great advice.

[GoddessSameena]

@GoddessSameena The best people to date are people who are full of life, are warm and open, say what they mean and mean what they say, are on time (punctuality shows integrity, maturity, respect for others), - but unfortunately they are not always easy to find. Sex is also a great indicator of what a man is like - if the sex is bad, it is almost always a sign that the man is a loser in other areas also.

[comlexcomplicationya]

Anyone got a 'simpler' version of explaining what 'passive-agressive' is? =/

pwese x)

[edyinthesky]

What distincts passive-aggressive men from passive-aggressive women besides their gender? Reka Morvay, It's strange that first you say you will talk about passive aggressive men, and then the only thing you talk about is passive aggression . I doubt you are intending to be misandric, but you nevertheless are by attributing a negative characteristic or action to a specific gender. What do you think?

[rica0]

@Lamboragon get a grip, you are obviously passive aggressive as well as ignorant

[sreyeszone]

It sounds like your talking about my wife. Should I use no sex as consequence?

[misdelivery]

I see psychology hasn't really evolved at all. People should be more interested in psycho-spirituality for understanding these kinds of things. It gives much deeper, more satisfying answers. This material is like so 2000. All those degrees are like useless - the world is evolving. Move on.

[oneilldmtn]

Hmmm... I'm not sure how this is about Passive-Aggressive Men.  She gave an excellent description that I think could apply to male or female.

[AdonisKingAXC]

@oneilldmtn I agree.. I have seen this in Both sexes

[milascave]

Agreed. We tend to forget how much about comunication styles tend to be bound up in culture. We should be aware of labeling somebody as a crtain way because they don't comunicate as directly as we do, or to directly, or whatever.

[noxure]

Before assuming that all of your husbands are passive aggressive monsters, please be aware that you're not a psychologist and neither does watching one talk about her profession make you one.

Some people actions can be perceived as "passive aggressive way" for various reasons, while in fact they love you and the entire world with all their heart. Other people may seem very sincere, while in fact they're just pretending to be nice.

[noxure]

@noxure Also, I excuse myself for violating the English language. That was terribly written. ;-)

[milascave]

OK, but sometimes, I think, there are people who simply refuse to acept direct comunication. If you say that you do not want to do something that they want you to do, they will not acept that, and will keep browbeating you until you acept. If you can not get out of this situaton, it may be that the only way out is to agree but then not do it or not do it well.

After that, they will stop asking you.

If they do not, repeat until they stop asking you.

Use only when absolutly neccesary.

[noxure]

@milascave In many Asian cultures, the 'polite' way to refuse something is to agree without making a notion of doing it. That way, the person who asked the favor doesn't lose his face by being refused if he takes the hint.

[edyinthesky]

@noxure I find this whole notion of passive aggression extremely dubious, Thankfully it´s not (yet) generally recognized. just by naming it passive aggression, instead for what the person was really doing, gives it (and the person accused for it) a negative connotation. If you say someone didn´t do something after you both agreed upon that, than it raises more questions and maybe you´ll figure out why that person didn´t do that. If you say he or she is passive aggressive it´s just vilifying.

[edyinthesky]

@edyinthesky Which makes my whole point: it seems like the persons accusing someone of acting passive aggressive, is actually being passive aggressive himself/herself. Saying someone is PA is just badmouthing. Secondly, what is so wrong with ignoring people, yelling when your mad, not acting out what was forced upon you to act out, etc. (all forms of passive aggression). Yes, nobody likes to be treated that way, but we all do it sometimes and we all know why we do it: sometimes It works!

[noxure]

@edyinthesky That's the danger with psychology and channels like this.

People read some books, watch some videos and think they suddenly have deep insights in how the human mind works. On top of that, they fool themselves into thinking that because they "get it", that they are detached from it as if it can't apply to them. Especially the people who are in denial of their own personal flaws are more likely to dive into psychology, so they can use their knowledge as a weapon to blame others.

[noxure]

@edyinthesky I think PA really does exist if you watch it from a certain angle.

Say you have different types of aggression(physical, verbal, nonverbal) and various degrees of violent intentions.

Passive aggression is neither verbal, nor physical. But, it's essential to make a distinction in how much violence is involved. Does someone do it because he feels down, or does he want to take someone else down. That's a big difference.

[rivet001]

Thanks for this my housemate is passive aggressive. The consequence for his unacceptable antisocial behaviour which is hostile and argumentative. I choose never to deal with him again and he moves out in two weeks.

[LynRuiz]

My husband is the epitome of passive-aggressive. He is textbook in every way. Sucks since its killing our marriage.

[manrayyy333]

3 people recently pointed out to me that my husband shows classic signs of this, and that it's not at all uncommon for the PA person to make the partner feel as if they are the one w/ a problem. A book I recommend is, "Living with the Passive Aggressive Man." It can be impossible to mend the relationship, as the author explains...please read it!

[ccphone]

Thank you for a concise overview of passive aggressive behavior.

[music4uguru]

just more spoonfed crap.why are psyco trained people dumping this psyco-bable into our lives?after youv've been around for some amount of time you begin to see a pattern develope.someone is going to assume a superior role and help you understand how pathetic and mentally injured you are at $100.00 per hour---that is if you had the funds and are willing to treat them as all knowing dieties and believel their prognosis and cures.they are just like the shock and lsd test.believe in your guts!!!!!!

[aethir86]

True in a way. Richard Bandler, who is the co-founder of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), often says Psychology's way of believing to "cure" by simply understanding the cause of behavioural patterns actually doesn't change a thing. (Counter-example: "Understanding" the cause of your own phobias or anxieties for example doesn't change the fact that people still freak out in these situations). And searching for The Root Cause may just open a "pandoras box", where you never get a final result.

[aethir86]

The NLP-motto proposes to actually find out "how" (not the "why"; it's the important difference!) people run their behavior internally, assuming every behavior/phobia/etc. can be likened to a computer program that people run (and can change again).

Finally, I would say that passive-agressiveness, like most other games, works, because that person believes it does.

"The person with the greatest flexibility of behaviour will control the relationship".

Be a little more crazy ;-) It might help!

[swissmissdesigner]

excellent, thank for the info!