Re: Aspergers Syndrome and Aspie Dating

[BlacklistedL33t]

hey man that microphone would make a great dildo

[philsaspiezone]

The only type of woman who has been interested in me are the ones with a learning disability (IQ below 70) and the ones. I had a few when I went into sheltered workshop but if I never been to this place I would have been the 40 odd year old virgin who never had any experience in that area whatsoever as an adolescent, girls would say fuck off I'm fed up not hard up meaning I wouldn't be seen dead going out with an Asperger syndrome person.

[MouldyProductions]

I hate this fact that i will always be seen as the lovers best friend meaning that my freind will get all the girls i will simply be know as the the friend, the nice guy,the guy who is funny but is also emotionally blind i hate this because girls will always say " well he cant love me because he never shows he does he must not like me but the friend can do all of this and so rather than go with the aspie ( who probably feels alot more for her than the freind) will go with the other guy. very sad

[anewman1980]

I agree with all you say, I tried nightclubs etc but it was totally demoralising - the net really is the best option. After meeting, I tend to make the move by text message being suggestive (rather than going all out asking up front) and gauging their response. Unfortunately there's lots of really "needy" women who will pretty much go for anyone - I don't want to feel that I am just anyone (I am me), so I avoid them like the plague. I also suspect a relationship with such a person would not last

[icecreamandsingasong]

date an aspie!! Me and my bf are both but undiagnosed but I m actually 100% sure

[slash4689]

having said that she does trust me a lot, more so than most people and if she was looking for a relationship she would go out with me her exact words were "there's no reason why i wouldn't" so i guess that's a huge plus :P

[slash4689]

in response to your comment earlier Aspergianstar2009 about letting you know how it went with that girl of which half this video is about lol here goes i asked her straight out do you see me as a friend or more than a friend she was very surprised and she admired that fact that i had the courage to ask her that suffice to say she's not looking for a relationship atm she's not the type of person to trust people easily as she's been burnt before

[Aspergianstar2009]

Which is typical of how Women are left when burned by NTs. I know some very pretty Women that get conned by these NT Players. A good friend of mine was conned and it annoys me. The person is known to other Women as a player, but they still get conned by him. The girl in question is intelligent and pretty and has a lot going for her, why she went with such a numpty is beyond me.

[Aspergianstar2009]

The best treatment I can recommend is simply getting out there and start with small things like buying a paper from the shop and looking at them in the eyes when you purchase it. THe next step is next time you are waiting to get a bus just ask someone if they know the time most may start a conversation, especially if they are old. Don't go looking to talk about world events, start with something simple. Test the water. Thats how i had to start off and I got no help.

[Aspergianstar2009]

Add me to MSN I will try and talk to you and even introduce you to some of my friends who all have their own problems. But all of them will not judge you. You are probably adding the wrong type of people.

[Aspergianstar2009]

Not all Women are like that. Take Magne for example I explained to her I had AS and she researched it. She now makes allowances for certain things and she cares about situations that may make me anxious. That isn't to say she puts up with my moods or me with hers. Having AS is no excuse to be rude, obnoxious or Violent and nobody should have to put up with abuse of any kind. I would say you go on about pretty women. Most women who look nice know it. They are up themselves. IMO.

[Aspergianstar2009]

xdemonickillerxx Aspergers Syndrome is related to Autism where one withdraws in on oneself. Unlike Classic Autism people with Aspergers want to interact with others, but they find it difficult to know how to read body language and social cues that tell you how to interact and when. I personally shy away from social situations unless I have to be in a situation, such as today or at work. These days people skills are important, which is why a lot of AS are out of work or work for themselves.

[Aspergianstar2009]

xdemonickillerxx I do not know how you would have coped today. I told myself that the worst case senario would be a large group of people and lots of group work, so I was not dissapointed when it became the worst case senario. But what was i to do??? Abandon Magne and leave her to go on her own and make the excuse of AS??? I would be doing that all my life if I did that. Or rough it out and see how it went??? I chose to support her. AS doesn't rule my life.

[Aspergianstar2009]

Someone wrote down all the answers. I found that I made an amusing joke that others did not really laugh at. Yet the unofficial group leader made one twisting around what I had said originally and they laughed. I think they just were following the leader literally. Magne and i mostly kept to ourselves and we enjoyed that. We loved the fact that we supported each other. Some Men did not even hold their partners hand. I felt that they were just going through the motions.

[Aspergianstar2009]

The group leader was unofficial. But he naturally rose to the top. I suppose I envied him how easily he made friends. Even made sexist jokes about WOmen doing hte Ironing that most women laughed at in the group and I would not have dreamed of saying myself. The worst was when they split the birthing partners up from the Pregnant Women. We were all there with a sheet of paper. Naturally the group leader took over. I got the feeling that it was his way or not at all.

[Aspergianstar2009]

It was terriable at one stage they asked for volunteers to get up and pretend to be a person in Maternity, say a Midwife or Anthetist. Anyway I did volunteer as I wanted it over with. Amazingly then others decided to give it a bash. It was not that hard and Magne joined me. The Group Leader decided to finish by twisting the head around on the baby doll that everyone found amusing, including myself lol. But he also got on my nerves. Although he seemed to be likable to others.

[Aspergianstar2009]

You also have people that naturally rise to the top. I found that quite quickly people formed their own social, cliques no matter how hard we tried to interact with them. It is the way of the world. There were natural group leaders and followers. There were people who wrote things down and people who did not even ask any questions. But yet these people were still accepted in the group. Basically even though Magne and I asked questions I felt we were still not accepted.

[Aspergianstar2009]

Xdemonickiller you have taken the first step by replying to this video. I personally find it very difficult in group situations. For instance today I went to an Anti Natal Appointment. Magne was promised that there would not be many people and also that there would be no group work. THAT WAS A LIE. They had a lot of group work, discussions etc. There also was at least 20 people or more. I felt really out on a limb, particulary when they turned around and asked us to introduce ourselves.

[Aspergianstar2009]

I have found in my experience that only sluts or easy women use men for drinks. Most women have self respect. If a Woman says its her birthday could you buy me a drink, don't fall for it. It usually is a con and they do it to get free drinks all night. Other women do not respect Women like that. Having to use a Man cause you don't have your own money is low. I would never buy the drinks all night and if she left me cause of it then I would not count that as a loss. I woud say lucky escape.

[Aspergianstar2009]

In the past a Woman never bought drinks cause she did not work. It was up to the Man to buy her the meal and drinks. Now most people get dutch. It is established that if you do the asking you buy the first drink. If its a meal most go Dutch or 50/50. If a Woman orders the most expensive drink in the bar she is taking you for a fool. Same goes for the Meal. If she truely likes you she won't care what drink she gets.  Its you she is wanting to get to know.

[Aspergianstar2009]

Another thing is if you have a girlfriend then what???? Some AS people say I WANT A GIRLFRIEND. But they don't know what to do with one. CHances are she is not going to want to sit in and play the XBOX with you or look at the latest RPG online. You have to learn to compromise. Take her out at least once a week and pay her a few compliments. Its not giving up your AS Ways. It is trying to make her feel better.

[Aspergianstar2009]

But not all girls are like that either. I have met women that love the internet and playing xboxes etc. The best way to find all that out is to meet girls online. You can then test the water. If they get abusive simply block and delete them and go for another and another. Its like a virtual pub without having to buy the drinks LOL. Oh and thats another thing if a Woman expects you to buy the drinks all night DO NOT!!! She will not respect you and will use you.

[tomislav80]

Man, you need to do something about that hair for real, because honestly the way you look, it sucks

[Aspergianstar2009]

Oh Sweetie I didn't know you cared give us a kiss HUN lol

[Aspergianstar2009]

Tom can I take a look at your pic or haven't you got the guts. I guess its cause you don't have very good self esteem that you need to put others down. Please project your negativity to others

[AniramSB]

i made the first move on my AS husband. we've been together for 8 years and he is a great person, but in my opinion the thing aspies need to work on is in being affectionate. my husband almost never approaches me. ive had a million conv with him about the things he could do to make me feel appreciated, but he still doesnt make much effort. he says that there is something that hinders him from doing the stuff he knows he should be doing... sad! i've felt lonely, my self-steem is bad now..

[Aspergianstar2009]

Hi Aniram. All I can say is that he is damn lucky to have a woman like you that puts up with that. AS or Not there is no excuse. I personally had to learn the hard way that women like a bit of affection and loving. Simple things like buying them a card on Valentines day or taking them out for a meal. AS or Not people can make an effort. There are plenty of Aspies that would give their right arm to have a nice girl like you treating them decently. I am lucky and have a girlfriend.

[Aspergianstar2009]

I also would say that not all Aspies lack affection. AS is a Syndrome and that means it has a collection of disorders. So some may hate touch and smells. Others may hate light or noise. Some may like hugging and others may hate to hug or to be hugged. Please don't generalise that all Aspies are like that

[paisleyyama]

This isn`t just an Asp problem. Talk to your married girlfriends, many men stop being romantic or gently affectionate after 8 years of marriage. At least your husband has an excuse for it!

[Aspergianstar2009]

Paisley the trick is to keep things original. So many people get bogged down in their lives that what was a wirlwind romance can quickly become a nightmare. At the moment my dilema is to move in with Magne. I have known her for over 2 years, but in that time I have not seen her properly as in lived with her a few months. Its a risk. We both are independant people. We both enjoy our own activities. We seem good when together though. It is a decision i have 6 months to make.

[Aspergianstar2009]

I miss seeing you around Marina. How is life at the moment??

[barudirush]

^^ Nice tips but, I think the thing is basicly:

Be polite, be gentle, try not to be less yourself. (i'm an asp and is REALLY HARD to get a date)

[Aspergianstar2009]

Barudirush. I personally would say that we live in a society where NT games are played on a daily basis. It appears that nice guys finish last. A lot of NT Men know how to tell a woman anything to get into her knickers. Of course this makes the woman not very trusting of the true nice Men around. Not saying all women are nice. I know of WOmen that have treated men terriably and cheated on them etc. I have been with women like that in the past. But never give up hope.

[barudirush]

^^ I agree.

"Real life" (as some people call it) sometimes is 2 hard and in this 22 years of aspie life i learned one little thing: "Normal girls are crazy!" Sometimes they fall for the most disgusting guys. How can it be?

[Aspergianstar2009]

Its not really hard to get a date unless you choose the wrong person. There are plenty of abused women that would love a gentle and kind Man to show them love and affection. Some Aspies have too high expectations of the kind of Woman they want. Like she has to look like a Model or like something off Hentai. The fact of the matter is Women come in all shapes and sizes. You may want a stunner. But expect second prize. Or at least have a reserve. If you don't you could be very lonley.

[barudirush]

^^ Yes, I bet a LOT of aspies have this Hentai woman standarts.

But, if  you look in an oposite way, some Aspies do like "diffrent" girls (MYSEFL!).... but the thing separating a nice guy and a nice girl... is the "HI THERE" he will never say. And probably she will not 2...

[barudirush]

To resume all:

Girls! Make the first move! Don't wait him to do it! Because he probably will not...

[keniichi]

This helps! Thanks!

:)

[slash4689]

Thanks heaps mate what you said was very helpful Cheers :)

[tomken8dy]

Dating is difficult for everybody.

Old time values ARE Still around but they're fading. :(