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From: TaSSs22
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  • damn that voice is better that tay and total biscuit combined! what a voice

  • 83 people don't GET IT!

    

  • I love the way he was about to say 'travel agent is sitting in his office' then changed it suddenly to talent agent because of the whole 9/11 thing that just happened.

  • Omg that dude sounds like that parrot off aladdin LOL

  • @TheAnunnakiknowledge (not sure if serious) He IS the parrot off aladdin. XD

  • Why isnt the 911 joke he made on youtube ??? Its ridiculous if youtube have censored that. I've seen other comics makes jokes about other catastrophes on here without censorship... loads of bollocks ...

  • and people think this complete CRAP is worth laughing at?!?!! this stuff is NOT funny damn it! my 12 year old neice (arista) heard this goddamn joke and commited sucide because of the fact that she had been raped by her father! this shit isnt funny...gilbert goddfreid i hope you burn in hell!

  • @kekkashigirl If she committed suicide because of a joke, she did the world a favor.

  • @kekkashigirl Your niece killed herself over a joke? That's fucking hilarious. There's the real punch line.

  • @kekkashigirl, First off, I am feel SO SORRY. Secnondly, Its not Gilbert Goddfreids fault your brother/brother-in-law, (However your related to your neice) was a perverted freak. He's just telling a joke passed down for hundreds of years. And besides, its not the joke that made her take her own life. It was the fact that it related to a subject she experienced first hand. If she hadn't heard this joke, it would have been something else that sent her over the edge. She was just mentally unstable.

  • @kekkashigirl That sounds...very fake. First off..Arista..Aristocrat..reall­y? 2nd..this joke is hilarious. Obscure humor along with political humor (against the people of the aristocratic group)

  • As a guy with an amazing humor and a little of a comic myself, I must admit "the aristocrat joke" has to be if not must be one of the HARDEST jokes to tell pull off and get good laughs out of it, and for that my sir I must tip my hat and nod my head. My respect!

  • Look at Rob Schneider acting like he is ROFL.

  • what is the name of Old Lady at the End?

  • @RizHail Phyllis Diller!

  • fucking and suckiing and fucking and sucking and shit and piss and cum.... the man is a genius. Love ya, Gilbert!

  • Can anyone post a link to the 911 joke?

  • Nobody can tell a dirty joke better than Gilbert Gottfried!

  • anyone whose worked on the show "yes dear" has no say on anything funny.

  • i think we're there again as a nation, needing another gottfried/aristocrats moment of pure catharsis.

  • I love Gilbert Gottfried! Definitely funnier than on south park

  • this man is a "sick fuck"!

  • O.o wow lol

  • told a 9-11 joke on 9/12/2001 lulz ensued

  • 70 people lick their fathers asshole

  • @laughsxgiggles lollers.

  • So YouTube allows obscenities but not nudity. Interesting.

  • Its a pity, you cant find that whole act ANYWHERE.... I would really love to see it.

  • @CisforCock its on the dvd

  • @TheBug08 On The Aristocrats dvd? The whole Gilberts stand up at Hugh Hefners roast? Bless you! :)

  • That bird from Aladin sure has a dirty mouth! lol

  • @12h46, the parrots called Iago.

  • I can't say the joke is any better than any Andrew Dice Clay dirty joke.

  • where is this from?

  • @Afrosheen From the Comedy Central's roast of Hugh Hefner.... it was just too dirty of a joke to make it on air

  • Personally, for the punchline I wish he had said, "The Fabulous Bush Family".

  • @lizard944

    You are an idiot. First of all "The Aristocrats" is one of the oldest, dirtiest jokes in the world. I could essay about how it is mocking the incestuous nature of the wealthy, aristocratic classes and the whole point of the joke is to make you uncomfortable, but I think it would go over your head. So fuck off.

  • Why do they have people interrupting the joke to talk about how brilliant it was? That's like drawing on a painting to point out the best features.

  • @rbscott21 Where have you been for the past 15 years? He's laways thought it was hilarious. Gilbert is hilarious.

  • @rbscott21 thats the whole point of the joke. look up aristocrat joke and it explains that the entire point of the joke it to mad-lib the worst thing you can think of

  • Watch "WORKPLACE PURGATORY" "Minion" from the show sounds EXACTLY like him!

  • american humour is crap

  • @thindad You do realize that the joke was originally English, right?

  • We Japanese were not offended because he told jokes about the disaster - hell, we're already telling jokes about it over here - we just don't like this guy because the jokes weren't funny at all. These are the kinds of lame jokes my grandfather tells. Now, references to Fallout 3, S.T.A.L.K.E.R., and Max Max 2 ARE funny. Especially the last one, what with the shortage of gasoline and all.

  • bullshit. jokes are always funny, some people just dont get it as jokes

  • &lizard you missed your true calling which is obviously to be booed off a stage somewhere

  • The whole point of comedy is to make the worst things that have ever happened bearable through laughter. Fuck Aflac and anyone out there who thinks he deserved to be fired.

  • @mikthemik69 Sieg Heil!  Heil Hitler! Now that's funny!

  • @lizard944 An ancestor of mine had to shot down nearly 800 GeeEyes in Normandy. Now THAT was really funny! Don't you think, too?

  • @mikthemik69 Nope, fuck YOU, unless you yourself are floating in Japan right now, you are at no position to judge whether or not it's inappropriate to make jokes about the situation this soon. I love when people sit behind their laptop and wave their free speech flag so high when it's not them that's being offended or mocked. It'd be a different story if the ordeal was over, but people are dying in Japan AS WE SPEAK. Jokes should be the last thing on your mind right now, insensitive asshole.

  • He is really funny. I liked his Japan jokes as well. He doesnt hate the Japanese - he is a comedian. Get over it.

  • aflac just fired gilbert gottfried because of his sick and insensitive comments on twitter regarding the tsunami in japan. as funny that guy may once was, fun stops here. from now on, i feel nothing but hate for that dumb a**hole! well done, aflac!

  • @nrdshbyntr Quit being such a pussy.

  • @CoolerKing37 owl-ride kittykatty, perhaps you need to loose some family members too, to realize your comments on this are crappy. join the army and and go to be killed doing nothing. please.

  • @nrdshbyntr Boy those are some awfully sick and insensitive comments you just made! I guess it's okay for you to say stuff like that, but not Gilbert Gottfried. How hypocritical...

  • @CoolerKing37 just an answer to your "pussy"-sickness, got it?

  • @nrdshbyntr Whatever faggot. You proved you were full of shit all along.

  • @CoolerKing37 why so serious, darling? must be the army. as a sissy, they didn't let you join them, huh?

  • @nrdshbyntr You're the one with the sancitmonious "fun stops here" horseshit like some overly offended, self-righteous cunt.

  • Some of the comedians I've seen here have totally new shows on an annual basis. Jimmy Carr was on for over two hours. Ken Dodd famously continues beyond the five hour mark. Incredible stamina for an 83 year old. Why can't these are squillionaire comedians do the same?

  • Yeah, I've never seen a funny aristocrats joke. I'm not going to pretend that I understand some higher plane of comedy.

  • Phyllis Diller, still alive at 93. One of the few women who could be admitted to the pantheon populated mostly by male comics.

  • sorry, can someone explain how that is funny?

  • @decaffinatedoysters It's a crack at high class people. The whole point is to make the joke as raunchy as possible before using the Aristocrats line. That's the punchline, but comedians don't usually use it except to each other as an inside thing.

  • @ezralia

    ahhhhh, thanks. i just googled it and i think i get it now

  • listin up ever since i was a kid hearing some of gilbert godfrieds voice work. i knew

    GILBERT WAS GOD

  • I went to see Gilbert in Las Vegas at the Hilton last night. First time. 2 tickets $124. He performed from 9:15 PM to 9:54. THAT'S IT! 39 MINUTES! That's the shortest set I have ever seen any comedian, musical or entertainment headliner do. The audience was shocked when he said "Goodnight." Total RIP OFF. Gilbert, you got our money once and had a chance to gain 2 new fans for life. NEVER AGAIN.

  • @bound4tahiti It's a staple of a few US comedians. Recently there was a big fuss in the UK when Sarah Silverman performed a really short set. Tickets were the equivalent of $80 and she too was on for just 40 minutes. She was heckled and she had to come out and tell everyone to go home. When people wouldn't leave, she had to a Q&A session because she had no other material! It's terrible.

  • @Nogli First off, why would you attend a Sarah Silverpuke show, and why would you be mad if she left early?

  • @lizard944 Good point, I don't like it. I didn't go, but it made the news, and the gig did sell out. If I'd splashed out that much on a ticket, I'd be pretty pissed off.

  • "don't touch me!"

    LoL... this flick is must-see for anyone who REALLY understands OR just plain enjoys good comedy in any way... the gottfried telling of this joke is something that belongs in the NEW new testament... hell, the whole movie deserves a mention... it teaches you how to laugh, funny 101.

  • I almost vomited due to the raw imagery and dialogue of this so-called "joke." Shock value doesn't always prompt people to laugh. I'm not sure if I will ever get these words out of my head. And this won't get blocked from YouTube because it's only words and no explicit images, but it's enough to trigger my gag reflex. What's the point other than shock value? How is this funny in any other way? And the critics loved it because it raises eyebrows. Welcome to modern society. *whew*

  • @RighteousRightHand this joke dates back at LEAST to the 20s... what's your beef?

  • @SmiffWit I just don't agree with using shock value for prolonged humor, and expecting it to last. People are laughing becaus they are uncomfortable, they won't forget it very long after. By the way, feel free to message me or something, but don't post mean comments on my channel page.

  • @RighteousRightHand You're an ignoramus. You really think it's about the joke?

  • anyone know where the actually raw footage of this joke is? Complete with his rough starting and boos from the crowd?

  • Comment removed

  • I swear...every time I watch this I nearly pass out from laughter.

  • "If you missed any portion, I'll repeat it" somehow I believe he would've

  • What's the Difference between a Woman and Osama?

    One's A Cunt, The Others a Woman

  • how is this remotely funny

  • @polarpete Because it is. You just need a sense of humour :)

  • LMAO!!!! Gilbert's version FTW!!!!

    R.I.P. Greg Giraldo

  • 60 people fuck off

  • @hebear1 indeed

  • I want to hear betty white tell "The Aristocrats"

  • @killypoopshit  Oh HELL YES.

  • Closing time in a local bar. Attractive woman approaches a man: "Come with me to my car. We'll pull into the alley behind the place & I'll give the best blow-job you ever had." After she convinces him that she's not a hooker or worse, he says: "i'd love that, but I came here straight from work, it's 2AM, & the last time I washed up was 6AM yesterday. Let's at least go where I can clean up a bit." "Not necessary", she replies: "Just screw me a little first. The antibiotics will kiil the germs."

  • A very observant, long-married Jewish couple want to spice up their love-making.The husband comes home with an idea: First I'll screw you in your ass, then immediately afterwards I'll screw you in your mouth." She finds this disgusting , but worries if she says so, it will turn him off. She thinks she has a way out: "Darling, i don't think that's kosher. "Oh, don't worry! ,

    I already spoke with the Rabbi. He said it's fine, just don't swallow."

  • this is stupid because most of the joke's weight depends on your knowledge of comedic tradition. it's like an obscure internet meme. it's like an inside joke that doesn't make a lot of sense unless you're part of a special little club

    9/11 was funnier (well, it used to be)

  • Its a pity people think this is from South Park

  • I like the 'feeling' behind it. Hehehehehehehehe....everybody on talking on it squirmed away, didn't they? :))

  • This joke is actually extremely hard to tell....first of all unless you just repeat what you've heard before like an asshole...you're freestyling, so it's hard to remember what you're talking about...I once told a ten minute version of it with no blood shit or cum...THAT was hard.

  • It's not exactly what I'd call a talent.

  • this is nasty

  • @jayforrester123 Shhh. You're dumb. ty.

  • Get back down on that floor Schneider, you talentless little shit. "Derp Der Derp!"

  • He's what they call a "sniper" in comedy circles. He can kill a crowd of comics with a joke like that.............he's a genius.......

  • You either get it or you don't. It's like looking at a Picasso or Jackson Pollack. It's either amazing art or it's "What The Fuck is that?"

  • I just can imagine drew laughing at this omg hahahahhaa

  • i don't find it funny

  • @felic70 Go away

  • A bunch of wankers, wanking each other off, trying to to tell each other the dirtiest joke they can. MOST STAND UP COMICS ARE NOT FUNNY. When was the last time you heard a comedian say that another comic had a shit show? The best joke in the English language is one that involves roof slaters, a duck and a circus. Comedians are like Freemasons. But not as funny.

  • This was good, but personally I think Eric Cartman has the best rendition of this joke XDD

  • its funny seeing drew carey say that because on the PIR now

  • The 9/11 joke was funny, I wish they still had it

  • @Zigej NEVAR FORGET

  • If you want to hear the full, uninterrupted joke, he tells a really long version of it on his Dirty Jokes DVD, which me and 3 people from Wisconsin own, I think.

  • If you can do this, that's good. But if you can do it with HIS voice, that's great.

  • in one of his stand ups it literally goes on for like 30 minutes straight. Like its amazing.

  • When i saw the joke, i couldnt control myself. Like i was literally inches from shitting myself. When the rat came into it. I pissed my pants.

  • commentary ruins the joke

  • There's undoubtedly something funny about aggressively rhyming the words 'fucking' and 'sucking'. I'm even laughing just typing this.

  • oh my lord. The biggest balls ever

  • Robin williams is fast clever..possibly the best. But Gilbert. Perfect in the moment

    ]

  • Tsk Tsk. Swearing...lol.

  • Why can't the commentators shut up!?

  • This is actually an excerpt from "The Aristocrats" .. A movie about the joke. not about the comedians..

  • I know. So why can't they let him tell the joke uninterupted!?

  • @olvew because it was edited that way.

  • @beau96080 Obviously, but why?

  • @olvew I'm not sure. I think it helps show how bold it was to tell that joke at that time. Seeing him tell the joke with the commentary sort of distracts attention from the joke, but is also letting us know how ballsy it was to tell it. But I see what you mean though, they could have shown the footage of him telling the joke and then have all that commentary afterward making it less distracting.

  • I love Gilbert Gottfried!

  • AAAFLAAAC !! AAAFLAAAAC !!! Got shit in your ears ? AAAFLAAAC !!

  • Can you tell a nastier version of the infamous Aristocrats joke than the pros?

    Then prove it! Upload your video as a video response to our official contest video featured on our youtube channel.

    You could be named the most twisted, sick minded person on youtube!

  • This is an OLD joke that's a tradition among ribald comedians. The basic premise is the same, but the details are always improvised. The trick is to tell an act that shocks, horrifies, and yet makes your audience laugh and laugh... He pulled this one off beautifully. Just about ANY comedian knows the punchline that's coming at the end, and the joke is all about how you build the ride to get there.

  • The humour is the irony between the vulgar act and the name ``aristocrats``

  • xXKujaXx, you could not be more wrong. The joke is watching how far someone will go. The name is a fake punchline.

  • Very perceptive and incisive comment.......,you pee drinking,granny forking,pile of pig turd.

  • Brilliant :D

  • It's funny because it's vulgar- funny in the same way that someone swearing a lot of funny.

  • That was, quite possibly, the worst joke I've ever heard.

  • And this joke is funny- why?

  • It isn't supposed to be funny, that's the thing. The idea is to be as dirty as possible, not necessarily be funny.

  • The joke is funny because the teller describes horrible, disgusting things which are intended to shock the audience, and then finishes with a farily weak punchline. The joke is the actual set up, rather than the punchline. It mixes together dirty jokes, irony and shaggy dog stories.

  • @Punk7680 Which is a reimagining of the joke because it originally wasn't as dirty and was just meant as a joke about the upper class.

  • It's a bad traditional inside joke for comedians, where you're supposed to be as dirty and disgusting as possible, not nessesarily funny. I just saw a documentary about it :) It was pretty good.

  • That Guy with the Glasses did an excellent version of this called "The Most Disturbing Aristocrats Joke Ever!"

  • 3:46 the fact that they are on the set of "Yes, Dear" almost ruins it

  • watch the aristocrats video. but if you don't get it now, you might not get it after you watch it.

  • thanks i'll try tht

  • You are not meant to.

  • The punchline is irrelevant.

  • Gilbert is the best Korean comedian of all-time, hannnnds down!

  • Korean, mind you.

    Nah, he's pretty kickass overall.

  • bob sagets is the best

  • This was fucking amazing. I'm told I look like him too.

  • Who's roast was it that he told this joke during?  I would love to know that.

  • Hugh Heffner

  • There is no other version of that joke that can even compete with this. He is the master.

  • fuck so damn funny

  • So...... much....... fucking.

  • The real joke amongst the comics is how far someone telling the joke will take it.

  • That's exactly the point. This joke is cult, and it's all about the telling. This video is from a documentary about the joke called The Aristocrats, go check it out.

  • You have no sense of comedy.

  • It's an injoke among comedians, a joke for jokesters. Much like musicians listen to technically impressive music that only musicians can appreciate, so too do comedians have jokes so cryptic and theoretical that it is far above the common humor of you and I.

  • its not above the common humour of me... maybe its just you?

  • Just not true, there's no such thing like "more technically impressive music". From breakbeat to acid, from techno to classic, from metal to pop everyone has the ability to understand music and to understand a joke, we're all just people.