Congo Approves Economic Stimulus Package Of AK-47 For Every Citizen

[TheMohguy]

every u.s. citizen needs m16

[MrBigEnchilada]

i think we should do this here too it would be fun....

[BlizardSniper]

seriously these people are morons

[BlizardSniper]

what are these people absolutly redtarded? wth

[Volkblin]

Lol Africa is now slightly more awesome.

[haymaker710]

Why does this have subtitles on top of subtitles?

[Z0mbieS1ayer]

@haymaker710

You can turn them off by pressing the little red 'CC' button

[haymaker710]

@Z0mbieS1ayer Thanks

[AdmiralBetas]

0:59 Ok seriously...I can't be the only one who thinks this guy looks more than a little bit like Gary Coleman....that's not Gary Coleman, right?

[mixmastermeeks]

@AdmiralBetas Gary Coleman is dead.

[Darkspirith]

@mixmastermeeks Gary coleman died in may of 2010, this video came out on jan 2010. Your point is irrelevant.

[mixmastermeeks]

@Darkspirith Geez. Ya got me. I should have done some research before I posted a comment on youtube.

[id1337x]

Those who survive will have a much higher standard of living.

[xicyhailx]

@hugobossdb I thumbed up your comment, because I I took four years of french in school and am now fluent. considering less than .01% of americans speak french, I'd say I am quite a special snowflake.

[LittlePikachu]

@xicyhailx You probably just took 4 years of French and slept with the teacher to pass. You aren't fluent

[HempMasterNinja]

we should do this in Amarica!

[jzoetheshit]

Thank god this is fake

[thegaganjot1]

9 billion viewers lol...

[NickyAmerica]

Detroit also had this stiumulus plan, With great success.

[xJoeEDangerouslyx]

@NickyAmerica Actually, I don't know if you've heard, Detroit is getting sick of all the jokes and its violent image. They're trying to pass a resolution to change the name to something less associated with violence and entropy. Falluja is reportedly at the top of the list, although Gaza and Tripoli are gaining ground as well.

[NickyAmerica]

@xJoeEDangerouslyx

What about Oakland?

[ObscenelyGreat]

@NickyAmerica

Now I know why Robocop took a back seat for so long.

[MrxXBossXxPimp]

@NickyAmerica Detroit ...... we don`t go there no more 

[Raynor9X9]

lol, a theater full of AK-47s playing the Phantom Menace...I'm sure that will end well.

[RussianDemocracy]

This is wrong. Only the criminals should have access to weapons.

[jaerauq77]

@RussianDemocracy now they'll shoot back!! DAMMIT!

[mickys333]

Is that Diouf? wtf??!

[takadi]

Thumbs up if you thought you would see Dave Chappelle with an AK

[ogpeckerwood]

Only in the United States is the most common gun in the world banned. We in the U S are living in the land of the ignorant and the home of the lame. A country of brain washed morons that worship war mongers and haters.

[2wakka4dis]

@ogpeckerwood in some parts of the us the ak is banned, usually near metro areas, where i live in kentucky its legal

[Lightscribe225]

@ogpeckerwood wat

[0Letten0]

HAHAHA! it took me 40 sec to get that it's a joke....yeah I'm slow

[MrSleepylk]

export violence XD

[cabrinhaIDS]

Raping me to death... lols.

[MrPeoplesman1234]

Also in other news the USA's stimulus package, everybody gets Thompson sub-machine gun.

[amitabho123]

Is it bad that the reason I immediately knew it wasn't real was because I knew the government of the Congo hadn't the logistics, manpower or money to make it happen?

[vegetarian2000]

lol start exporting violence!

[ConcreteSurfer420]

when are we getting that stimulus package here in the usa?

[colepleshe]

Lol, phantom menace in 2010

[MrBigEnchilada]

" a few years ago i lost my job, now i can kill the guy who took it"....lol

[FuckingShocking]

"Now i'm my own boss". lol

[SADFACE1000]

if I use an ak 47 will i turn black? please answer asap, order coming in the mail soon!

[therealetorin]

@SADFACE1000 you turn into a russian... and an addition to you ak have an uncontrollable desire for vodka... LOTS AND LOTS OF VODKA

[dikephobic]

The stimulus package may be so beneficial we'll be able to start exporting violence.

[big92fs]

This has to be a parody.

[japimportssuck]

@big92fs welcome to the internet.

[Mineav]

Ingenious. This is a great stimulis plan. Less people will get raped to death, and more will be their own boss from now on. I can't see any downside what-so-ever.

[MrTurkeybird09]

Obama should follow by the congoleses example every house gets an ak

[Tw1St3DSt33L]

Why do women in the Congo get raped? because all those militia's need their child soldiers. Rape a woman, get a soldier in 8-12 years. It's almost basic math.

TBH, If women were allowed to carry AK's, alot less women would get raped.

[cochranviper1]

You guys are GULLIBLE..... It is a FAKE!!!

[AgentGulo]

I saw the title on an a review of the AK-47 and I was like DUDE AWESOME! then i saw that this was from the onion and it's pissed me off, thanks onion for getting my hopes up, punks..

[ElongatedVowels]

@AgentGulo Try learning to read next time.

[Jeadony]

what the fuck

[jbuds82]

i read a nice stat about congo . everyhours 48 women get raped. it is the worst place on earth for women. if niggas in the free world wanna bitch and complain like they got it bad , go the fuck home !

[The11colek]

@jbuds82

Im pretty sure thats wrong, the worst place in the world for women is probably one of the really bad middle east countries

although you cant really measure human misery

[leg363]

the start of the vid doesnt make sense how could there be 9 billion viewers if theres only 6.5 billion people in the world?

[timytim4prez]

@leg363 Um, that would be because Onion is fake news sunshine.

[hitlerfishiscoming4u]

Wish I got an ak from that stimulus package, I'd have a little present for the guys who made America's Stimulus package. XD

[MCAMVP]

"The stimulus may be so beneficial we'll be able to start exporting violence"

sounds familiar

[WarmongerWW3]

hahaha

Democratic Republic of Congo possess about 80% of the world existing coltan reserves. Coltan, diamonds, gold, cobalt...AngloGold Ashanti, Barrick Gold Corporation, DeBeers, etc....the fight between the niggers for the control of mineral wealth in the DRC...million deaths...

Second Congo War is the most spectacular war after the WWII.

[TeHsTaLiN]

@PunctuationPolice (I don't know how type that little black round thingy)Thanks, I needed that

[Hilda123ize]

haha furny

[TeHsTaLiN]

OMFG The subtitles are entirely true!! I speak french :) But only the white subs are true though, the yellow ones are fake :(

[PunctuationPolice]

@TeHsTaLiN •Excuse me! I believe you meant to say, “Dear me! The white subtitles are entirely correct! I would know because I speak French. How nice! However, it should be noted that the yellow subtitles are fraudulent. This makes me sad.” Thank you.

This has been a public service announcement from the Punctuation Police.

[TheCrazyFinn]

Sad but true.

[islandoffroadracing]

THIS IS HILARIOUS, i hope no retards think this is real

[ipkeveryday]

149 people who pressed the dislike button definitely thought it said, DIS-I-LIKE :)

[DynamiteStudios1]

@ipkeveryday Fail!

[KONERKOSLAM14]

In it brilliant how they believe it, keen

[keen14you]

I'm so offended by this I can barely speak... How DARE the officials of the Congo hope to better its citizens by arming them with AK-47's??? This is just another example of primitive ignorance running rampant in modern times! People in the Congo won't benefit at all by being given AK firearms!! If they're expected to improve their lot, they're much better served by being armed with Tavor TAR 21's!!! The Israelis love 'em.

[bigjosh36]

was that last bit correct?

star wars the phantom menace just came out over there? lol

[BillRoyMcBill]

Now I'm my own boss. = )

[shadow16786]

ak-47だ、かっけ～という事しか俺には分からないｗｗｗ

[Rickyrab]

I heard that the Mafia, National Rifle Association, street gangs, and other such groups have come out in favour of this stimulus, and the Somalis are lobbying Congo to make it a growth industry.

[8deSPOOK]

I helped lobby for this wonderful gift to the Congolese people.

Lets lobby for the rest of Africa to get the same deal.

[stevovo555]

is this a joke??

[1jentoni1]

"Now we can rummage through garbage, without worrying about the rebels raping us to death"

XDDDDD!!@@##%^

[xicyhailx]

wow, the subtitles actually do match the speaking, thumbs up if you speak french and understood all this

[WowzaBoyz]

@xicyhailx yeah, i don't speak french fluently but i picked up on some cognates. lol, was that part about rebels raping them to death right too?

[kobkube]

@xicyhailx Yeah but they sound more like American speakers than native Congolese :) plus some formulations were clearly translations of English idioms.

But that's really fun anyway, i love the Onion.

[mdrobb01]

@xicyhailx it doesn't all match though

[Spetsop]

LOOOL I want to hear the tips on how to use the stimulus package to get a wife haha XD

[antonine426]

this is so wrong... and so hilarious :D

[kristhekiller1]

:D

::DD



[TheVikingDoctor]

Goddamn the ads along the bottom blocking the goddamn subtitles.

[IBMeddling]

Youtube ads are annoying

[ladyvincenza]

Dude, where are the Congolese women in this? Are they missing out?

LOL

[Raveninety9]

The subtitles arent bullshit it is French & its exactly what he said

[hellrazor117]

Q.Why is the Kalashnikov (AK-47) the primary weapon of use in Africa?

A. Russia donated hundreds of thousands of AK-47s to Africa during the cold -war in order to swing the governments and factions of Africa in their favour in case WW3 broke out....Today many of these weapons have fallen into the hands of various militias such as the Somali pirates.

[megamarsvin]

@hellrazor117 That and they're cheap, plentiful, durable and easy to maintain and supply. Basically the perfect weapon for the rebel army on a budget ;)

[hellrazor117]

@megamarsvin indeed they are...

[MrDaniel199019]

who i wish the did this in USA. i know this is a joke ok haha but what if they gave everyone in USA an AK-47. damnnn all the bitches i would get. lol jk

[AscavariServante]

Hahahahahahahahahaha, oh, hahahaha, this fuckin hilarious....

[OrangeFr3ak29]

this reminds me of the COD4 Dictators' Review.

[MrThomPS3]

Nothing the kalash can't do I guess......

[lordblazer]

OMFG they got french speakers with the congo accent :D

NE REPOND PAS!!!

[Tamatoy]

this is onion news is just a comedy show

(notice how he said that the FIRST star wars was coming soon)

[lusteraliaszero]

hits the theaters this week? good to see that the stimulus package will be used alot.

[TheAmazeingAnarchist]

actually its kinda funny in a different sense since congo along with most of africa and the ME where russian arms dumps so there are tons down there i saw this vid of a guy around in africa selling a AK for 5 USD even thought thats probably 500 over there still its very easy to get a gun

[ronhollis]

Sadly enough, that almost seems less moronic than our stimulus. Hell, I'd rather have a free AK-47 than a send a bunch of money to bail out lazy union workers and crooked Wall Street executives.

[eatmytool1]

@ronhollis spoken like a true walmart employee!...how's that $5.25 an hr. non-union job treating ya? you sound like a great door greeter!

[ronhollis]

@eatmytool1 If those jobs were so damn bad, people wouldn't take them. Unions made sense back when there weren't any decent laws to protect employees, but now they're just a huge extortion racket that the rest of us are paying for. And if you don't believe me, just google the term "Job Bank," you whiny liberal pussy. Nobody deserves to get paid so much that their wages put their company out of business, and nobody deserves to get paid to do nothing. The unions don't see it that way though.

[eatmytool1]

@ronhollis walmart is the perfect example why unions still have a place in america... most employees living below the poverty level...no insurance because they offer crappy options....im not saying unions are perfect...but id rather join a union than take a shit job for walmart!

[ronhollis]

@eatmytool1 There should be a happy medium between the corporations abusing the employees and the unions abusing the corporations, but unfortunately it's in the best interest of each to abuse the other when possible. Still, I wouldn't care how much the union workers were getting paid if there was no bailout, cause I could just continue not buying their crappy cars and let the free market force them to either take a pay cut (or at least get rid of the job banks), or lose all of their jobs.

[wick2107]

@ronhollis The Stimulus Package is basic macroeconomics...the key to getting out of a recession is to increase spending and to increase spending you have to give people money to spend...unfortunately Americans decided to save it so it didn't help out the economy at all.

[ronhollis]

@wick2107 In that case, the stimulus should have been given to people who do usually spend all their money, i.e. people living paycheck to paycheck. Nearly 100% of that would have ended up right back in the economy. Propping up a failing automaker and its relatively well-to-do workers, on the other hand, was guaranteed to accomplish nothing, seeing as all the stimulus in the world won't make people want to buy an inferior product. That was all about Obama rewarding his union backers.

[BUNNIEZHELL]

Yeah what's next North Korea ,Kim Jung il giving out free nuclear bombs for everyone?????

[Maasuum]

genius now if only congress wasn't so short sighted

[6mokachino9]

hey hey hey, if gary coleman says its a great plan its a great plan. dont worry

[Dusselkamp]

@6mokachino9 hahahaaa

[hoony915]

is this real?

[RyanR3volution]

@hoony915

No

[eatmytool1]

@hoony915 .......seriously??

[guIIiver]

@hoony915 811 countries, 9 billion viewers, YES IT IS REAL.

[kevlarsniper1]

yeah

for

the

congo

:D

USING YOUR STIMULUS PACKAGE TO GET A WIFE?????? :D

[Ahbamoja]

Antoine Kabila

SANS EMPLOI

I lost my job as a civil engineer five years ago,

with this stimulus package, I can kill the man who took it.

[elidrissii]

@FearTheGrimlin Actually, the subtitles are good, I speak french...

[kingofqwerty]

@elidrissii The newscasters french is correctly translated, everyone else who speaks french has bullshit translations.

[FearTheGremlin]

CAN'T YOU PEOPLE SEE THAT THE SUBTITLES ARE COMPLETE BULLSHIT???

[fcarabat]

@FearTheGremlin lol they must know... its damn funny.

[S3bz3r0]

@FearTheGremlin Non, les sous-titres sont parfaits. La traduction est correcte. J'avoue que c'est dur d'apprendre le français quand ce n'est pas ta langue maternelle, donc je te comprends.

[aidanair]

@FearTheGremlin the subtitles are right on, i speak french, they are accurate.

[BibianaBurke]

@FearTheGremlin if you spoke French you'd realise that these subtitles are absolutely accurate and equate exactly to what the French reporter says. The Onion is the most fun and I apologise for riling you if you meant to flag up the tags that flash across the bottom of the screen. These are made up of course and intensely funny on their own.

[rcruz003]

@FearTheGremlin ..............Of course , but its halarious .

[MechaSnoopy]

@FearTheGremlin Only when they have actual people speaking, the subtitles for the correspondent are accurate.

[andre51588]

damn congo is behind the phantom menace........

[jd5179]

How come Obama didn't think about this Stimulus plan :D

[TheHiddenPart]

Africa wins again.

[DDeafth]

they can even export violence!

[shinymarshtop2]

lmao 

[baalpeteor]

lol to get a wife

[JohnThePunisher]

an ak-47 will be handed out to all congo people to kill and rape childern. in other news the new starwars movie is out!!!

[chisoxnbears]

It's a joke guys lol man people r dumb

[BosniaArmin]

@Bioshock7000 then u r stuck and go to death. thats it. Africa is dangerous.

[jkmcdani]

Is this real?

[rhyme2gus]

@jkmcdani IM TIRED OF THESE MOTHAFU*KIN IDIOTS ON THIS MOTHAFU*KIN YOUTUBE (plane)!

[izzyfreak69]

was this for real?!!! shit 

[Synergy9k]

@izzyfreak69 Fail. Just fail.

[salehs313]

in my country is legel 2 carry an ak around lol check out YEMEN

[zboyco]

choppers choppin

[theomen10101]

now that is gun rights i love it

[TheCanadadry10]

A human sign at least...

[wiionline1992]

is ammo conted

[eivindandreashiew]

did i miss something? or have kongo adopted french as their official language?

[dvy45]

more niggers killing niggers awesome.

[GoldenboyD]

Congo Rules !!

[motlencore89]

when will i get my 9 pound 7.62MM STIMULUS PACKAGE???

[MrCcbcc]

@motlencore89 Epic

[yowazup213]

im packin my bags

[triggerhappy778]

Obama should have put this in his stimulus package... he would have done somethng right for a change...

[stlkngyomom]

@triggerhappy778 Most people in US that wouldn't be missed are already armed.What the .... are they waiting for?

[jmk0309]

Yes. right. But I want this stimulus package they speak of, Obama!

[tuggz85]

this isnt real it is jus tryin to show about the daily life and hardships of the congolese sort of political social humanitarian satire

[tollyt100]

We should never have left the congo :) (Greetings from belgium)

[kingda117]

latest popular promotion, an AK47 cartridge clip in every box of breakfast cereal.

[YINGLUNG007]

VOTE FOR ME AN AK47 IN EVERY HOUSE WOOHOO !!!

[MrRobertl1974]

give me a ak i wanna be a boss too

[pdani72]

this is fake guys

[roramonjr]

@pdani72 NOO REALLYYY??!?!?!

[lz6817777]

Give me an AK-47 and I could also help the little guy```

[shermanlee85856]

lol is the subtitles modified?

[jkmcdani]

Is for real?

[johnthesencond]

@jkmcdani The onion is a fake show .

[OmegaMigue]

AK47 FOR EVERYONE! / AK47 PARA TODOS! :P

[genestumpff21]

Is this real or a joke

[classicgamerguy112]

@genestumpff21 i think them getting guns is real but the subs are a joke

[ambiorix000]

To help the little guy.

[fixzimbabwe]

That's progress African style for you.

I am sure african women feel safe now.

[FR0MDAS0UTH]

"i lost my job as a civil engineer five years ago, with the stimulus packet, i can kill the man who took it" goddamn people are fucking crazy out there!!

[Kpro4]

"... tips for using your stimulus package to get a wife." lmao

[cordel666]

dude i want to live there then i could sell to everyone lmao no paper work just selling ak.47s i love it rofl