Great review, I basically agree with every word of it, except with your statement that sex with vampires is nasty. I would get over the cold temperature fast if it were for Eric Northman! :D
I've heard Stephenie Meyers claimed "in a way" her writing was better than Shakespeare.. Is this true? I've been looking for the interview and I can't find it.. Even the rumor of that statement made me feel sick to my stomach.
@shttykitty Thankfully, I've never had any desire to find out anything about this series due to random things I happen to hear about it. Mainly that all the rules for these classic creatures are changed and it is teen crap. I have also heard strange shit like what you say too. I believe I have heard that Dracula was stolen from Twilight as well from fans. XD
The only positive for tis being so popular is that I have heard these things and it has cemented my desire to look the other way.
I read the first couple books before everyone was all OMFG retarded over Twilight and I thought they were cute. Not worship-able, but they were ok. The movie was shit though. And ever since this whole explosion of vampire popularity.. How they are calling vampires a pop-culture phenomenon, vampires have been ruined for me :I
To anyone who has had the misfortune of seeing any Twilight movie I strongly recommend you go watch 30 days of nite right now, it’s not a great movie but it will help get the Twilight out of your system, and in the end isn't that all we can realistically hope for.
I had to read the books since I had to write a -gulp- musical theater version for the high school where I work. (Yes, please kill me right now).
As a film, this is decent. The first 20 mins were abysmal but suddenly it turned out pretty good, mostly due to visuals (landscapes, not crappy fighting) and touches here and there which actually saved it. It's the best film so far, and much, much better than any of the books. OTOH, so are all the films, so that doesn't say a lot I'm afraid.
"Newbs" XD Hah, nice! ;d I haven't watched them, didn't even get through the first one. It was just so stupid. But most of the things you said here apply to the first movie as well.On a side note,Kristen Stewart is the perfect type of acter playing those exact same roles. Dull, confused, very very confused and with that "tired of life" expression. I've seen her in another movie, don't know it's name and I liked her performance there. That's where I learned about her, way before Twilight. Ironic?
I've seen Kristen Stewart in a few other movies (Adventureland, Zathura, Jumper) and she always looks like that. It's a look that is actually applicable to some of her roles, but is not helpful here.
LoL! Two of your quotes in this vid which are hilarious and my favorite! .... " turned them into glittering, vegetarian, pussies..." ... and , " Necrophilia or bestiality, decisions, decisions..."
about the cold dick thing, vampires can raise theyr temperature (the same way when they use other powers, by expending blood to activate the power in question, claw grouth, earth fusion etcetera or when they want to look not so pale they can send blood to theyr faces and warm it and seem more human) so yep, you can bang a vampire but that would leave the vampire pretty hungry.. besides that the trilogy sucks...
You mentioned him not wanting to have sex with her in the tent. Saw this on an image but couldn't find it again - No heartbeat = no blood flow = no erection.
Maybe that's why she looks so miserable all the time :D
I am a teenager and liked the books. I still hated the film (well twilight, after that crap I obvs wasn't gonna see the sequel), so just don't recommend it to anyone please.
Bella's facial expressions look like she's in constant pain. There's actually more chemistry between Edward/Jacob than there's between Bella/Edward. I would've loved to have seen a werewolf transformation just like in the 'Blood and Chocolate' movie. Jacob's lack of wardrobe is obviously targeting horny teen girls. The vamp make up is still flawed. Bella's indecisiveness is annoying. I totally agree with you that the director did an amazing job.
XD idk but some ho i got sucked into this shit and i have never even watched or read the book. but what i mean by sucked in is this video not the real movie of gay twilight
SHUT THE HELL UP U BITCH!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WIT U!! IF U HATE THE MOVIE SOO MUCH MAKE ONE URSELF! ITS NOT THT EASY! AND IF YOU HATE IT SOO MUCh, U DONT HAV TO SPREAD IT TO THE WHOLE WORLD...
@shaminitwi94 She's actually being very fair and very nice. It's crazy, rude fans like you that more than anything give the series a terrible name, never mind the superficial, vapid subject matter.
movie i haven't seen it dont like weierd movies like that i wait 2 download anyway movie feels like 2nd part cut in half which more action or something like that imy favorite movie is underworld thats my ection pack lol i would like you reviiew the last airbender if you like kind of those movies i m just asking
Oh and by the way Criss, you better like Inception or I will command pseudo-jebus to kill you. I already watched it twice in IMAX and it was worth every penny. Definitely Christopher Nolan's best work. It's so good, that I might actually start making Youtube vids just to give the morons a "How to" on watching it.
Though I appreciate you're giving credit where it is due, it is strange that you're treating Twilight with vitriol - which it full-well deserves - and giving it a 5.9, which should be a fairly decent rating.
By the way though, are there any particular films you would recommend to a hormonal, pseudo-depressed teenager, ones which do a better job than Twilight? I've really been in a "typical teenager" mood lately. Bleh, love. :-p
@FrenchExpat1 well thats what i asked myself because i've seen other kristen stewart movies and they are all shit becuase she acts the same in every movie. BUt robert pattinson can acually act especially in his movie remember me which was great :D
This was a grate review, thanks a LOT for going to the movie. When I went to see it I was so surprised that the audience was taking it so seriusly. I guess I couldn't actually believe that people could like this without seeing it for myself.
About the cold thing, In Anita Black feeding makes them worm but other than that they can also take a hot shower straight before.
Are you a fan of a show called Mystery Science Theater 3000?
I love that ve-jay-jays and the horny werewolf quips.
"it's a teen movie about teen life, which IS pointless, one-dimensional crap"
I very much disagree. Mysterious Skin, Say Anything, The Graduate, Thirteen, Foxes, Dazed and Confused ... just off the top of my head excellent "teen movies about teen life" which I would recommend in a heart beat to anyone of any age.
It's not even the subject that sucks in Twilight, it's the details, execution, dialogs and characters that lack any complexity or depth, making it a meaningless, brain-dead film.
@CrissReviews Yes, but it reflects so much of real teenage life for that very reason. There are inspiritational films which show young people trying to make their way in a confused world; and there are real teenagers who remain confused and never wake up til much later. "Rebel Without a Cause" and "The Wild One" are older but honest examples of the latter.
If Bella goes vampire then she too will be cold down there and they can mix up a frosty cold confection – in the nether region.. I just saw Inception with Leo DiCaprio I didn’t go with Leo to the movie I went alone. I’ll wait to see if it gets reviewed here. I’ll just say it would best be reviewed on dvd so it could be stopped, rewound and fast forwarded as it was kind of fast paced for me.
At 3:50 - Cris, are your eyes "sparkling" between red and blue?
Who wants to lay odds that the two latent homoboys finally come out of the closet and kill the girl in a Brokeback Monster plot twist? Seriously, either they die, or she does.
lmfaorotfl @ your review and kristen stewart acts that way in all of her movies so shes just a shitty actress but i watched the movie remember me with robert pattinson and it was amazing.....i hate to admit it but i cried :'(
I actually saw the movie today, because it was either that or Shrek 4, and I must say the review is spot on. It was bad. It was actually worse than I expected, and my expectations weren't too high to begin with. And this one is the best Twilight so far? Damn! A whole lot of chaste, boring 20-something 'teenage' drama interspersed with a couple of short, bloodless popsicle fistfights (where's the weapons?) and equally bloodless maulings by overweight CGI wolves. For target audience only.
She doesn't understand why vampires are stronger when newborn, probably cos she didn't read the books, but that does not make up for her dissing it mindlessly like that. All these twilight haters really sadden me.
If you wanna watch vampires that kill ppl with blood all over the place, then stay the fuck away from twilight and stop acting cool.
@7h380x because THEY ARE NOT VAMPIRES. They are Meyers interpretation of vampires, and she doesn't have a clue. If I was an all powerful creature of darkness, the only reason I would look at a HS student would be as a food source. VAMPIRES don't fucking sparkle, glitter or whatever she has them do.
@7h380x No, she was saying that she doesn't like that this woman is changing up all the vampire rules because vampires are supposed to get stronger with age, she obviously knew that it was written in the books. And she wasn't "acting cool" she was reviewing a film, a bad one made from poorly written books.
i wonder how the derector that did the horror (real vampires ,what there none for) 30 days of night felt doing a movie of sparkley sissys trying to portect a human witch is there food sorce !
exsept i love all of them exsept edward jacob and bella, edward always tells bella hes never going to hurt her so he leaves and jacob just never shuts up and stops complaining and bella never looks happy to see edward and is a hoe who plays with everyones feelings no wonder victoria wants her dead !
Having sex with a vampire would be like masturbating with a frozen salami. I have seen videos like this, but I couldn't imagine it to be enjoyable. Funny shit.
Awright, Criss, this review gives me loads of cause to subscribe to your review channel. I laughed so hard at spots that I (pardon the cliche, but it actually fits) almost fell off my chair.
2:50 No need to say more. Been saying this since the first movie. It's just rape. It's raping the legacy of Bram Stoker. Even Buffy or Blade sticked to the rules times more closely than this piece of shit "saga". It's just painful.
Your review was the funniest one you ever made. The cold dick in vajajay line and the necrophilia/bestiality bit were totally unexpected xD melikey ! ^^
Hahahaha, Criss, you are hysterically funny and always entertaining. Thanks for the review, loads of my friends are trying to drag me to this film, and i'm 26... zomg...
Are you going to do Inception once in comes out? Even if you don't plan on reviewing it I suggest you see it when it appears around you, it was great.
C'mon Criss. I know you are more intelligent than to fall pray to the advertising for this film. These Twilight movies are such nonsense. Why did you bother to watch one of them???? It makes me sad that you have bothered to watch any of them. I know you are smarter than this. Do not waste your time on bullshit movies aimed at kids.
@baphxiii Okay you saying that this crap is aimed at kids pisses me off, because it's true. If you've read the insufferable novels, you'd find that kids and teens would get the wrong idea as to what love is, which sickens me.
oh my god you have renewed my hope for the female species i got my ass dragged to this movie and i nearly got lynched when i started crakin jokes bout that fag vampire wearin glitter glue just to say this tenage gils are mean and they are far to engrosed in this crappy acting. i say we do a new movie vanhelsing / dracula / blade and the dude off underworld vs twilight, i think id have to change my shorts and light a ciggy after seeing that see tinkerball get his arse whooped
I am a huge vampire movie fan. My wife is a fan of the books and now the movies. I watched them because she and my sister kept going on about it. I didn't hate the movies. I liked the first one better than the second. The third better than the previous two. But I do have to say I think you're pretty much spot on here. It's better than that Buffy the Vampire Slayer shit, but not much. The vampires don't even have fangs! And werewolves aren't fucking sexy. Max Schreck is rolling in his grave.
Awa poor men. Also yea every time I think how horrid twilight is on the vamp genera I think Eric Northman and that helps to remember there are good vamps out there. ^__^ Also lol Blade would be sobbing in prison because he didn't pay his taxes. <- you'd think he'd remember that line "The only things certain in life are death and taxes." XD Also I'd want to see that tent scene too. XD Wi
ew
paraplegicgiraffe 2 weeks ago in playlist Uploaded videos
lol, you are so damn cute
PoFFizdaMan 1 month ago
Lmao
ONIProductionsLtd 1 month ago in playlist More videos from CrissReviews
4:50 The vampires don't have pulse, they can't...
marmjtin 1 month ago
0:36-You like Radiohead! Hell yes!
TheAnteMatter 1 month ago in playlist Uploaded videos
i had a friend who put ice in her girlfriends' vaginas. one of them cried but one liked it.
froggymicwop 3 months ago
nice review, aly michalka.
sunnysummerheaven 3 months ago
Bella is the villan of twiligh serice. she must be the most selfish damsel ever. she culd have been exelent shakespear villan.
gethsoftware 3 months ago
I can't wait to hear her rant about Breaking Dawn.
orlandobabe 5 months ago
0:33 Radiohead??
Hersoftestsoul 5 months ago
@Hersoftestsoul
Correct. No Surprises
theignoredgender 4 months ago
Great review, I basically agree with every word of it, except with your statement that sex with vampires is nasty. I would get over the cold temperature fast if it were for Eric Northman! :D
Daphuhnuh 6 months ago
I swear you make me laugh so hard, you're hilarious!
angelamengoa 7 months ago
Twilight- anyone who's over the age of 20, and thinks this series of crap is great, I wonder about their level of intelligence.
Domzdream 7 months ago
you are awesome . . . just freaking awesome. your hilarious, and honest love it.
LauraIsPink 7 months ago
I like you...
Tyson1663 7 months ago
5:00 even criss cant say that with a straight face XD
SophieGizzy 8 months ago
Dr.Sabrosky (Jew),Director of US Army War College, I am 100 percent sure that 9/11 was Mossad operation:
Youtube,enter, "Military Now KNOW Israel did 9/11"
ismat45 8 months ago
I was surprised you rated this movie as high as you did until you said you're "basically comparing trainwrecks here"...hilarious!
gideonjamesabbott 9 months ago
I love the dread in your face as soon as the vid begins hahaha
GypsyRussellMusic 11 months ago 3
get a life !!!!!!!!!!!! :P
bestoOofriends 1 year ago
she cracks me up.
HRZONE2 1 year ago
I've heard Stephenie Meyers claimed "in a way" her writing was better than Shakespeare.. Is this true? I've been looking for the interview and I can't find it.. Even the rumor of that statement made me feel sick to my stomach.
shttykitty 1 year ago
@shttykitty Thankfully, I've never had any desire to find out anything about this series due to random things I happen to hear about it. Mainly that all the rules for these classic creatures are changed and it is teen crap. I have also heard strange shit like what you say too. I believe I have heard that Dracula was stolen from Twilight as well from fans. XD
The only positive for tis being so popular is that I have heard these things and it has cemented my desire to look the other way.
Reip187 10 months ago
@Reip187 /facepalm -.-
Those Twilight fans are total morons, rofl.
I read the first couple books before everyone was all OMFG retarded over Twilight and I thought they were cute. Not worship-able, but they were ok. The movie was shit though. And ever since this whole explosion of vampire popularity.. How they are calling vampires a pop-culture phenomenon, vampires have been ruined for me :I
shttykitty 10 months ago
in the last movie edward and jacob should DAP bella.
Blastaar7 1 year ago
To anyone who has had the misfortune of seeing any Twilight movie I strongly recommend you go watch 30 days of nite right now, it’s not a great movie but it will help get the Twilight out of your system, and in the end isn't that all we can realistically hope for.
qwer58j 1 year ago
Comment removed
qwer58j 1 year ago
YOU simply ROCK girl!!!! keep up the good work!! :))
Bigucca 1 year ago
"Cold dick in their VaJJ's" LOLMAO XDD
Theo2kitty 1 year ago
I love your reviews! :DD
Theo2kitty 1 year ago
I think I know the answer as to why all this human vampire romance stuff; one word answer it all; Nacrophila.
orlandobabe 1 year ago
what was that song called when the twilight poster came up?
runtubefantasy 1 year ago
I had to read the books since I had to write a -gulp- musical theater version for the high school where I work. (Yes, please kill me right now).
As a film, this is decent. The first 20 mins were abysmal but suddenly it turned out pretty good, mostly due to visuals (landscapes, not crappy fighting) and touches here and there which actually saved it. It's the best film so far, and much, much better than any of the books. OTOH, so are all the films, so that doesn't say a lot I'm afraid.
johanneswiberg 1 year ago
"Newbs" XD Hah, nice! ;d I haven't watched them, didn't even get through the first one. It was just so stupid. But most of the things you said here apply to the first movie as well.On a side note,Kristen Stewart is the perfect type of acter playing those exact same roles. Dull, confused, very very confused and with that "tired of life" expression. I've seen her in another movie, don't know it's name and I liked her performance there. That's where I learned about her, way before Twilight. Ironic?
johnybazukata 1 year ago
It's not her fault, I don't think. She always looks like that. It's just her face.
Azuban222 1 year ago
What is the music from 0:34 - 0:40 ?
vaccarovj 1 year ago
@FurballRZ YES! I want her to review that movie so bad! Criss get on that shit!
lostineuphoria 1 year ago
The reason Edward don't want to have sex with bella is because if she gets prego by edward the child could kill her
AlphaDog2011 1 year ago
Check out Stewart in Catch That Kid. She's not that bad in it.
BlodhArget 1 year ago
"Who wants a cold dick in their Vajayjay, that's just nasty!"
I think I love you. = )
PhillipRottingham 1 year ago
Your awesome Criss
luffyjam 1 year ago
Blade is actualy in prison...I guess he killed too many vamps and now we're stuck with these faggots :D
anteracmacash 1 year ago
I LOVE your review, you captured it perfectly! BTW nice accent! :D
MysteriousGrayClouds 1 year ago
I've seen Kristen Stewart in a few other movies (Adventureland, Zathura, Jumper) and she always looks like that. It's a look that is actually applicable to some of her roles, but is not helpful here.
download333 1 year ago
I think I died and went to heaven from laughing at your review.
(this coming from a Twilight fan who hates the majority of the Twilight fanbase)
LissaChelle9002 1 year ago
Romanian giving a review on a vampire movie! I <3 irony :P
ps pwn the noobs lmfao!
pandorachild 1 year ago
LoL! Two of your quotes in this vid which are hilarious and my favorite! .... " turned them into glittering, vegetarian, pussies..." ... and , " Necrophilia or bestiality, decisions, decisions..."
Totally awesome! Great review.
karaseen 1 year ago 16
@karaseen Yeah lol some line were fucking hilarious
Shoyras 3 months ago
Don't think it was Kristen Stewart's fault, because she actually IS a pretty decent actress. I loved her role in Speak.
JustPhilNY 1 year ago
about the cold dick thing, vampires can raise theyr temperature (the same way when they use other powers, by expending blood to activate the power in question, claw grouth, earth fusion etcetera or when they want to look not so pale they can send blood to theyr faces and warm it and seem more human) so yep, you can bang a vampire but that would leave the vampire pretty hungry.. besides that the trilogy sucks...
DocStrange0123 1 year ago
Do more critics you are really good for this.
elgeras27 1 year ago
They should have a war between team Edward and team Jacob, you know, clean up the human gene pool a little
arachnophile01 1 year ago
AHAHAHA! This was so funny! I actually laughed out loud. You should do Harry Potter reviews. :)
dawncampbell666 1 year ago
You mentioned him not wanting to have sex with her in the tent. Saw this on an image but couldn't find it again - No heartbeat = no blood flow = no erection.
Maybe that's why she looks so miserable all the time :D
SarthorS 1 year ago
Sorry, that expression is my fault. I spend all my time farting in Kristin Stewart's face.
dangerouslytalented 1 year ago
"glitter vegetarian pussies" LMAO
HRZONE2 1 year ago
The True Blood/ Vamp sex part made me laugh so hard I had to pause.
Idofphoenix 1 year ago
@Idofphoenix I always wondered, since they're dead, how the hell does Bill get it up?
mscubana 1 year ago
@mscubana This is true. Without blood circulation it'd make things difficult.
Idofphoenix 1 year ago
@Idofphoenix We may never know.
mscubana 1 year ago
Great! I obviously agree with everything!
stargazer1709 1 year ago
lol
ZenMoodi 1 year ago
Two Question for Criss...
Are you a fan of master science theater 3000?
If so, Have you ever gone to a crappy movie with a friend and imitated it?
lashkaretoiba 1 year ago
Great review, lmao at 2.48.
Thanks :)
proxima78 1 year ago
I actually had to pause the video to laugh after the cold dick in vajayjay comment.
Roxxi33 1 year ago
lmao, your funny! im going to see it on a first date, what do you think?
SamMorris1990 1 year ago
well a fair review I just wish it could quell the tweeny bopping screaming that's going around.
RottenEggCreations 1 year ago
hey.. i've seem a interesting point in another review.. edward sparkles, flys and lives n the woods... he is not a vampire... he is a fairy..
fndalves 1 year ago
you are from romenia and some times your eyes hipnoticaly turns red in this video... even you look more like a vampire than edward..
fndalves 1 year ago
I am a teenager and liked the books. I still hated the film (well twilight, after that crap I obvs wasn't gonna see the sequel), so just don't recommend it to anyone please.
XxXLadyDarkXx 1 year ago
I LOVED this review. You are hilarious. I agree with everything you said.
Sind3r3lla175 1 year ago
i will be LOLing for a long time about the cold dick and the Glitering Vegetarian Pussy XD
calmetosis 1 year ago
Lol I loved your review.
Bella's facial expressions look like she's in constant pain. There's actually more chemistry between Edward/Jacob than there's between Bella/Edward. I would've loved to have seen a werewolf transformation just like in the 'Blood and Chocolate' movie. Jacob's lack of wardrobe is obviously targeting horny teen girls. The vamp make up is still flawed. Bella's indecisiveness is annoying. I totally agree with you that the director did an amazing job.
ElizabethBlount 1 year ago
This has been flagged as spam show
edward--bella.de.vu
Alexandres1983 1 year ago
edward--bella.de.vu
Alexandres1983 1 year ago
id even know why i watched this i was just looking for movies and come across it and wondered wth it was
bradley1000000000000 1 year ago
XD idk but some ho i got sucked into this shit and i have never even watched or read the book. but what i mean by sucked in is this video not the real movie of gay twilight
bradley1000000000000 1 year ago
I met a young woman yesterday with *real* vampire fangs! I shit not. :O
TheAzov 1 year ago
SHUT THE HELL UP U BITCH!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WIT U!! IF U HATE THE MOVIE SOO MUCH MAKE ONE URSELF! ITS NOT THT EASY! AND IF YOU HATE IT SOO MUCh, U DONT HAV TO SPREAD IT TO THE WHOLE WORLD...
shaminitwi94 1 year ago
@shaminitwi94 She's actually being very fair and very nice. It's crazy, rude fans like you that more than anything give the series a terrible name, never mind the superficial, vapid subject matter.
JulieRaven 1 year ago
@shaminitwi94 Ehm wow fan-rage much? She is only giving us her opinion of the film..... and if you didn't like her opinion than to bad for you!
DoItWithADance 1 year ago
@shaminitwi94
im guessing ur a screaming twilight fangirl
Fatmanrolling38 1 year ago
"Where is blade when you need him? Oh, I know, he’s probably just passed out from laughing too hard when he heard these vampires sparkle."
Haha, so true.
Zaroktheimmortal 1 year ago
movie i haven't seen it dont like weierd movies like that i wait 2 download anyway movie feels like 2nd part cut in half which more action or something like that imy favorite movie is underworld thats my ection pack lol i would like you reviiew the last airbender if you like kind of those movies i m just asking
CrazyXFox 1 year ago
You need to make a inception review.
lashkaretoiba 1 year ago
victoria = criss. lol.
So were very cute at 5:10.
It makes more sense for bella to become a vampire because she has always feelt alone and different from everyone else.
I thought she was going to get it wolf-style in the tent.
Agreed... Still a stupid movie and very anti-vampire.
Dusk til Dawn will always be one of the best vampire moives ever made.
lashkaretoiba 1 year ago
You should read the books then you would understand everything about the movies.
Governmentcheeseify 1 year ago
love your review on this movie great job i give you 10 out off 10
akaOtara 1 year ago
Well it is a chick flick.
freetobejbp 1 year ago
Oh and by the way Criss, you better like Inception or I will command pseudo-jebus to kill you. I already watched it twice in IMAX and it was worth every penny. Definitely Christopher Nolan's best work. It's so good, that I might actually start making Youtube vids just to give the morons a "How to" on watching it.
frambesbuckeye 1 year ago
Criss.............I love you. XD
frambesbuckeye 1 year ago
Though I appreciate you're giving credit where it is due, it is strange that you're treating Twilight with vitriol - which it full-well deserves - and giving it a 5.9, which should be a fairly decent rating.
By the way though, are there any particular films you would recommend to a hormonal, pseudo-depressed teenager, ones which do a better job than Twilight? I've really been in a "typical teenager" mood lately. Bleh, love. :-p
Slawter187 1 year ago
@Slawter187
you could try :
"Mysterious Skin" - it's fantastic movie but will probably depress you even more
"Brick" - "film noir" type but with teens, if you're into that
"Foxfire" - nothing too heavy, its fun and has angelina jolie boobies
"Thirteen" - 13 year old girls taking the drugs and sex bus
"Bang Bang You're Dead" - about bullying and teen violence
"Ginger Snaps" - werewolf movie, the sequels are also nice
"Trade" - on sex traffic
"Dazed and Confused" or "Heathers" - just classics
CrissReviews 1 year ago 8
@CrissReviews
would you do a reveiw on "Salt"? I would love to see it.
deivlhunter88 1 year ago
@FrenchExpat1 well thats what i asked myself because i've seen other kristen stewart movies and they are all shit becuase she acts the same in every movie. BUt robert pattinson can acually act especially in his movie remember me which was great :D
JeffreeStarFan101 1 year ago
Stupid Sparkly Vampires.
Zaroktheimmortal 1 year ago
I like Bella's pout. It's sexy but I'm a guy. Love ya Criss!
tacoma200 1 year ago
This was a grate review, thanks a LOT for going to the movie. When I went to see it I was so surprised that the audience was taking it so seriusly. I guess I couldn't actually believe that people could like this without seeing it for myself.
About the cold thing, In Anita Black feeding makes them worm but other than that they can also take a hot shower straight before.
Are you a fan of a show called Mystery Science Theater 3000?
I love that ve-jay-jays and the horny werewolf quips.
Disthron 1 year ago
i didnt even watch it
HectorL360 1 year ago
Twilight = Fart.
FullAccessAgent 1 year ago
"He didn't want to mess up his hair" lol
XxxAdelhidexxX 1 year ago
Where is Blade you ask? Aparently he got his ass thrown in jail!
So I guess the vampires are safe for now...
devdred 1 year ago
i was like SUPERLOLING all the time during this review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
maltagrl 1 year ago
Vampires suck.
Jurma4ut 1 year ago
The writer has done his subject proud. After all, it's a teen movie about teen life, which IS pointless, one-dimensional crap.
TheAzov 1 year ago
"it's a teen movie about teen life, which IS pointless, one-dimensional crap"
I very much disagree. Mysterious Skin, Say Anything, The Graduate, Thirteen, Foxes, Dazed and Confused ... just off the top of my head excellent "teen movies about teen life" which I would recommend in a heart beat to anyone of any age.
It's not even the subject that sucks in Twilight, it's the details, execution, dialogs and characters that lack any complexity or depth, making it a meaningless, brain-dead film.
CrissReviews 1 year ago 15
@CrissReviews How can you leave out Teen Wolf from your list Criss! :)
squirreljester2 1 year ago
@CrissReviews Yes, but it reflects so much of real teenage life for that very reason. There are inspiritational films which show young people trying to make their way in a confused world; and there are real teenagers who remain confused and never wake up til much later. "Rebel Without a Cause" and "The Wild One" are older but honest examples of the latter.
TheAzov 1 year ago
@CrissReviews A meaningless, brain-dead film from an even more meaningless, brain-dead book.
DoxieVee 1 year ago
@TheAzov Im a teenager and im offended. i AM deep man !!
AngelDemon1993 10 months ago
@AngelDemon1993 A 1% exception which proves the 99% rule. :D
TheAzov 10 months ago
Ha Ha Ha! "...go Brokeback Mountain in that tent." Good one!
Shephild 1 year ago
I laughed a lot, your best review yet. Have you seen 4 months 3 weeks 2 days, it's a great Romanian movie?
edgarae1 1 year ago
If Bella goes vampire then she too will be cold down there and they can mix up a frosty cold confection – in the nether region.. I just saw Inception with Leo DiCaprio I didn’t go with Leo to the movie I went alone. I’ll wait to see if it gets reviewed here. I’ll just say it would best be reviewed on dvd so it could be stopped, rewound and fast forwarded as it was kind of fast paced for me.
Laziestcrow 1 year ago
@Laziestcrow Bella goes vampire but not until she has sex with edward and gets pregnant, Oh, waait did I just spoil thefourth movie?
And they get married too XP
Pokemonsoul2009 1 year ago
At 3:50 - Cris, are your eyes "sparkling" between red and blue?
Who wants to lay odds that the two latent homoboys finally come out of the closet and kill the girl in a Brokeback Monster plot twist? Seriously, either they die, or she does.
thookerov 1 year ago
Who wants a cold dick in va-jay-jay...lol..
JBSauce 1 year ago
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Laziestcrow 1 year ago
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Laziestcrow 1 year ago
lmfaorotfl @ your review and kristen stewart acts that way in all of her movies so shes just a shitty actress but i watched the movie remember me with robert pattinson and it was amazing.....i hate to admit it but i cried :'(
JeffreeStarFan101 1 year ago
The look on your face at 5:06 is just priceless :) This video gets liked just for that.
Nuckpang 1 year ago
LOL, when will you review a good movie?
rykkardo8 1 year ago
Actually in the Twilight books young vamps are stronger.. and the old ones get frail... makes no sense.. but yeah..
drnekodr 1 year ago
5:06
Some like it cold?
TungstenShovel 1 year ago
I actually saw the movie today, because it was either that or Shrek 4, and I must say the review is spot on. It was bad. It was actually worse than I expected, and my expectations weren't too high to begin with. And this one is the best Twilight so far? Damn! A whole lot of chaste, boring 20-something 'teenage' drama interspersed with a couple of short, bloodless popsicle fistfights (where's the weapons?) and equally bloodless maulings by overweight CGI wolves. For target audience only.
Parapon3ra 1 year ago
"... wearing an expression like somebody just farted next to her... " lololol
M0US3P0T4TO 1 year ago
She doesn't understand why vampires are stronger when newborn, probably cos she didn't read the books, but that does not make up for her dissing it mindlessly like that. All these twilight haters really sadden me.
If you wanna watch vampires that kill ppl with blood all over the place, then stay the fuck away from twilight and stop acting cool.
7h380x 1 year ago
@7h380x because THEY ARE NOT VAMPIRES. They are Meyers interpretation of vampires, and she doesn't have a clue. If I was an all powerful creature of darkness, the only reason I would look at a HS student would be as a food source. VAMPIRES don't fucking sparkle, glitter or whatever she has them do.
mdcraig62 1 year ago
@7h380x No, she was saying that she doesn't like that this woman is changing up all the vampire rules because vampires are supposed to get stronger with age, she obviously knew that it was written in the books. And she wasn't "acting cool" she was reviewing a film, a bad one made from poorly written books.
edgarae1 1 year ago
Glittering vegetarian pussies. #LOL Good choice of words, Crss.
TheSecondEvolution 1 year ago
This video is the first time I've seen you smile :)
NicktheNet 1 year ago
i wonder how the derector that did the horror (real vampires ,what there none for) 30 days of night felt doing a movie of sparkley sissys trying to portect a human witch is there food sorce !
exsept i love all of them exsept edward jacob and bella, edward always tells bella hes never going to hurt her so he leaves and jacob just never shuts up and stops complaining and bella never looks happy to see edward and is a hoe who plays with everyones feelings no wonder victoria wants her dead !
purplebubblegum74 1 year ago
Having sex with a vampire would be like masturbating with a frozen salami. I have seen videos like this, but I couldn't imagine it to be enjoyable. Funny shit.
ThePunkReturns 1 year ago
rantastic! keep it coming, girl! :)
nightshadowblade 1 year ago
Don't be a hater now.
Those guys (sigh) so beautiful
Though I liked the last one (more shirtless)
Peace
inquiry10 1 year ago
@Xerotaerg before i liked vampire movies....but now i cant even say the word "Dracula" without somebody making a reference to twilight
MikaelDryden 1 year ago
Awright, Criss, this review gives me loads of cause to subscribe to your review channel. I laughed so hard at spots that I (pardon the cliche, but it actually fits) almost fell off my chair.
jslyster 1 year ago
Your comments are hilarious!
juditK2007 1 year ago
What, no links in the VaJayJays bar?
wdgeo 1 year ago
You're really good at this Criss, get your ass too America and get all like rich and stuff.
audionad 1 year ago
2:50 No need to say more. Been saying this since the first movie. It's just rape. It's raping the legacy of Bram Stoker. Even Buffy or Blade sticked to the rules times more closely than this piece of shit "saga". It's just painful.
Your review was the funniest one you ever made. The cold dick in vajajay line and the necrophilia/bestiality bit were totally unexpected xD melikey ! ^^
V0r4xiz 1 year ago
HAHHAHAHHAA omg Criss i love you! i guess 'it' would be cold! but i have too much balls for this movie...and im a girl
kabukiforever 1 year ago
every ten seconds you come up with an amazing line. i almost peed my pants laughing. it's definitely a fav video.
i love you when you're bi*ching about sorry arse movies
azinuamprieteni 1 year ago
"Necrophilia, Beastiality... 'Desicions, desicions'" LOL.
Kaneknife 1 year ago 30
Ugh Teenage girls en mass. I hate the noise, vuvuzela is soothing compared to teenage girl noise.
mikeyman211 1 year ago 13
wtf your eyes change color on 3:47 xD
jorn1233 1 year ago
best review ever
Gabycms 1 year ago
Hahahaha, Criss, you are hysterically funny and always entertaining. Thanks for the review, loads of my friends are trying to drag me to this film, and i'm 26... zomg...
Luaeria 1 year ago
Hehe a normal life...living with a werewolf...yeah sounds normal:P
Nejira 1 year ago
I know a few vampire fans and I joke about them sparkling.
JefferyMcLean 1 year ago
you're never going to convince us you're not a vampire yourself. you must think we're idiots! o.0
TJay9000 1 year ago
I don't approve of Twilight...it's a tale of a young girls choice between beastiality and necrophilia! lol
jables000 1 year ago
Thumbs up for Radiohead! More thumbs up the dirty talk! Thumbs up for the beauty displayed in this video! Criss = belleza!
The movie sucks though!
DutchLiam84 1 year ago
Cold dick in va-jay-jay, huh?
LycaonCaesar 1 year ago
so Criss is team Jacob ?...
DrQuantum27 1 year ago
Are you going to do Inception once in comes out? Even if you don't plan on reviewing it I suggest you see it when it appears around you, it was great.
ShadowWolf346 1 year ago
I for f&*k sake hope that in 8 years you can ask "So how did you find twilight" and people ask " What movie?"
masticina 1 year ago
Necrophilia, bestiality... roflmfao !!
yaesenkole 1 year ago
pffffft! haha! I've never seen any of them, and now i never will. I would much rather just see your reviews.
HReginaldG 1 year ago
... Si cine naiba s-ar pricepe mai bine la vampiri decit o fata frumoasa cu bucle blonde din Transilvania?
aman57 1 year ago
@hedonism13 it's "No Surprises" by Radiohead
spongkulasisi 1 year ago
@spongkulasisi
Thanks, sorry for asking :D
hedonism13 1 year ago
I'm so pissed off with myself right now, it's on the tip of my tongue...
I hate to be one of those people that says "What's the name of the song", but what's the name of the song @ 0:35?
I've got no idea why I'm thinking velvet underground, it's probably way off.
hedonism13 1 year ago
hey criss i see your braclets are you a metal head or rocker by any chance?
deivlhunter88 1 year ago
C'mon Criss. I know you are more intelligent than to fall pray to the advertising for this film. These Twilight movies are such nonsense. Why did you bother to watch one of them???? It makes me sad that you have bothered to watch any of them. I know you are smarter than this. Do not waste your time on bullshit movies aimed at kids.
baphxiii 1 year ago
@baphxiii Okay you saying that this crap is aimed at kids pisses me off, because it's true. If you've read the insufferable novels, you'd find that kids and teens would get the wrong idea as to what love is, which sickens me.
DemonicRemption 1 year ago
oh my god you have renewed my hope for the female species i got my ass dragged to this movie and i nearly got lynched when i started crakin jokes bout that fag vampire wearin glitter glue just to say this tenage gils are mean and they are far to engrosed in this crappy acting. i say we do a new movie vanhelsing / dracula / blade and the dude off underworld vs twilight, i think id have to change my shorts and light a ciggy after seeing that see tinkerball get his arse whooped
homer004 1 year ago
Vampires used to be cool. They were dark, mysterious and sexy. Now they sparkle in the sunlight like my little poney!
Sigh!
SkyDoginthetube 1 year ago
you need to be on tgwtg!
FSMGauss 1 year ago
I am a huge vampire movie fan. My wife is a fan of the books and now the movies. I watched them because she and my sister kept going on about it. I didn't hate the movies. I liked the first one better than the second. The third better than the previous two. But I do have to say I think you're pretty much spot on here. It's better than that Buffy the Vampire Slayer shit, but not much. The vampires don't even have fangs! And werewolves aren't fucking sexy. Max Schreck is rolling in his grave.
1938superman 1 year ago
264 thumbs UP
0 thumbs DOWN
:-D
ManoharChannel 1 year ago
Awa poor men. Also yea every time I think how horrid twilight is on the vamp genera I think Eric Northman and that helps to remember there are good vamps out there. ^__^ Also lol Blade would be sobbing in prison because he didn't pay his taxes. <- you'd think he'd remember that line "The only things certain in life are death and taxes." XD Also I'd want to see that tent scene too. XD Wi