SMBC Theater - BJ Bond

[9Ryomexic6]

Touch him on the PENIS!

[TheDrCN]

Why are so many of these videos basically femdom porn, but with clothes and jokes?

[celestialsalamander]

offer to give hima blow job and then touch him on the penis.

[Shrededwings]

so THIS is where all those penis jokes came from o_o

[Monkeyboy92037]

@Shrededwings no

[Skeif13]

@Shrededwings it came from their video "Cosmotopian"

[septumis]

@Shrededwings Penis jokes came from cosmotolian

[fatademon]

hell yeah best punishment for a guy XD works every time

[Enyoiyourself]

God this hurt

[MoonshadowKati]

Just as bad for women. I was just contemplating this last night, actually.

[RBNinja]

@MoonshadowKati Yeah but when does THAT ever happen?

[MoonshadowKati]

@RBNinja Way more often than you'd think. Many men are squicked by the idea of cunnilingus, or just don't have a sex drive to match their female partner. The media may tell us that all women hate sex (unless they are sluts) and men have to beg and plead and pay out the ass to have any chance at having sex, but as always, reality is somewhat more complicated. =)

[RBNinja]

@MoonshadowKati - Then you have not met me or my girlfriend before. My experience just differs from yours i suppose. Or maybe i should say it mirrors it.

[MoonshadowKati]

@RBNinja I'm just saying not all couples are the same. =)

[RBNinja]

@MoonshadowKati Yeah I'm sure you're right. ...Pleasant conversation on the internet... what?

[metacob]

No. Just... no. Too brutal, too realistic to be funny.

[bubble77photo]

zOMG!! I totally have that EXACT clock in my bathroom!!

[Portlandhardstylers]

Promise a blowjob, forget about it, then touch him on the penis. The double entandre. 

[TheCanadianPatriot]

"HI! HOW'S IT GOING?!"

[apocalypse105]

my ex girlfriend actually did something like this promising seks but dont get it XD

[TimThomason]

Blow him, then touch him on the... wait...

[vinnieagogo]

"TOUCH MY MONKEY!"

[ironforge10035]

This is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Getting told all about somebodies day is torture. I don't understand the last part though. Does he get his blowjob?

[Wolfina2]

@ironforge10035 No she forgets about it

[spirakit]

This is genius, and the music is amazing!



[RatDude1996]

I don't care I would still ask.

[AllYourPie]

That's not e.

[punyab]

Wow, the file number even consists of the first few digits of e :)

[pikapuff]

I can't hear/understand Bond's final line.

[NiteGeist]

@pikapuff "no! ...unless, you know, maybe, now that we're done..."

[HaroldoNVU]

The Clocktease. Promise to blow him at 9, then don't touch him on the penis.

[247custard]

Thumbs up if your inner geek flared up when you heard what the code was.

[106627bg]

@247custard Now I'm curious, what is that number?

[247custard]

@106627bg It's the first few digits of e, the base of natural logarithms.

[106627bg]

@247custard Damn, I should have caught that. *hangs head in shame*

[InverseAgonist]

Molotov Cocktease. Venture Bros. FTW!

[midnightbelladonna]

this is probably one of my favourites from smbc theater. pure comedy gold haha

[splugen]

IKEA CLOCK! One dollar clock is best clock!

[Andorage]

Short(marrige) version: press 1, let him talk. press 9, lol

[Unrightful]

271818 - There. Saved you the trouble of watching it.

[ZetSunbou]

RAWWWWRRR

[MrXami08]

Tell him you'll touch him on the penis, leave for 20 seconds, then don't touch him on the penis.

[DeesingMan]

HI HOW'S IT GOING!

[wentdownlike911]

fucking epic as always :)



[gizmofly870]

Don't touch him on the penis,touch him on the penis. god news and bad news

[MSkeggers]

3:19 Just 3:19.

[grodon909]

Oh, so that's where that came from....

[Rascus75]

@grodon909 If you're referring to the "touch him on the penis" joke, no, that one came from a different sketch. Can't remember what it was called but it was parodying Cosmopolitan magazine.

[grodon909]

@Rascus75 yeah, i found it afterwards...thanks though!

[JesterSpaz182]

The add on the right is for gaydar. . . That is a new one

[agreenjinjo]

Tie him to a chair, touch him on the penis.

[McNoah94]

Why do my parents always walk in when some guy on the video I'm watching yell "TOUCH MY PENIS!"

[gurkenhamster]

@McNoah94 Watch with headphones. works well :)

[Arknetu01]

Touch him on the penis, touch him on the penis.

[halfbloodwolf93]

Haha, this one has to be my favorite so far! And, has anyone else noticed that JP is holding back laughter when he's denied "blowing"? He hides it through the grunts of resistance, but it's noticeable, and, let's be fair, who can blame him? This is total gold! Don't stop making these, okay?

[mrdaym]

You really need a sick mind to even think up this kind of torture. This isn't just a line crossed, this is several lines crossed! It's not just torture, it's insulting to the male specie as a whole!

[cuckoldingprincess]

tease and denial. something he so deserves :)

[ilovemusicWIKA]

this is why women should not be suppressed, the control the hearts and lives of all straight men

[trollibollimoll]

I demand more SMBC videos featuring attractive girls in eyepatches!

[Valonqar]

I love how he yells 'Touch my penis!'.

[InternetStudiesGuy]

Wait, women are doing this ON PURPOSE??

[bloodwrage]

Get the file code. DON'T touch him on the penis?

[bamb04]

Hahahaha, this is GREAT!

[Jormungandr83]

271818 LOL

2.71818 is e

[alecbg919]

@Jormungandr83 2.71828 I think you'll find

[SuperCrakker]

The Promise Breaker: Say youll youch him on the penis, then dont touch him on the penis.

[RashaTwain]

How old are you guys at SMBC? Cause that was pathetic.

[Juggles4]

You have just documented the. worst. thing. that will ever happen to your average middle-class Western male. You monsters.

[l1d57r03m]

Get the file codes, touch him on the penis.

[BREAKMEKNEES]

I'm going to leave the room for 20 seconds, but when I get back, I'm going to TOTALLY subscribe you.

Oh, hey, what's up?

[supersentiger]

"So help me God, I will tell you all about my FUCKING day!"

That slut...

[muxumx]

hehe exploiting his hopes. 

[anonymousdeity]

What the hell is that accent...

[BlueSabb]

Wendy McColm!

[Rhukza]

Man she has bad memory.

[smegace]

My fav. SMBC ever.

[KienanD]

HI! HOW'S IT GOING!

[TheGnome97]

hahaha "touch my p*nis!!!!!" xD rofl

[toxikblood]

haha, so effing great! didnt understand the end tho >.<

[CurtDogg]

@Tehnexie I've gotten a million replies saying the exact same god damn thing. I KNOW. I was just saying that I shouldn't have to do that, just for these videos. The fact that they exist at all is the thing that bothers me, since it just takes me out of the experience of the video, and ruins the immersion.

Like... say you go see a movie, and there's someone going up and down the aisles selling food and shit. That's how I feel about these annotations popping up in a comedy sketch.

[VileLance77]

Almost perfect.... She should have eaten a banana instead of an apple... other than that fantastic.

[DiamondbackCobra]

I wonder how they got those eyepatches...

[armegeddis]

@DiamondbackCobra Why do you think she decided NOT to give blow jobs anymore?

[sbtech01]

I'm pretty sure at the end she was gonna blow him.

[ehayes3791]

she's got dem dsl's

[marjancek]

Have you guys been spying on me?

(btw: I guess anyone not getting this one has not been married long enough)

[Kogerii]

Why didn't they get a hot chick to play the interrogator?

[xaroxero]

So...did she blow him? Cause it looked like she was thinking about at the end.

[wookiebodoque]

thumbs up for threesomes! LOL!

[SuperDisser]

Capture and interrogate him... then touch him on the penis.

[ZomgZomg007]

Touch my PENIS!!!

[vibhutesagar]

This deserves a million views ...

[linkgenesis]

Period Drama, Period Comedy, there's hardly a difference. It's two and a half hours of girlfriend zombies. Unless you're into vapid bitches in corsets.

[flatronl1915SLG]

what's the last thing bond said?

-Unless you know maybe not with tongue?

[Arikata]

@flatronl1915SLG unless you know, maybe now that we're done?

[flatronl1915SLG]

@Arikata oh thanks

[MaximilianXimenez]

Promise to blow him, touch him on the penis.

[Huihuihui3]

This is my new favorite!

[barakvesh]

Play mind games with him, don't touch him on the penis

[botchalism]

Omg I'd love to strike up a spirited conversation with those women......

[Nades129]

TOUCH MY PENIS

[fishbone937]

I demand two videos a week.

[CNLMCF]

give her the files, touch him on the penis

[ausar02]

fail

[Turokcito2]

thumbs up for threesomes!

[TubeofDestiny]

haha I exploded in laughs ! xD

it's freaking 4 am in the morning here and I woke up some people in the house, damn you smbc ! :D

btw,

get the launch code, then... touch him on the penis ! (Or just pretend to do it then forget about it) :D

[f3rricf3lix]

Story of my life, you don't have to be a 007 to get this treatment from your women.

[CurtDogg]

Look guys, I know I can disable annotations, but it's the very concept of these types that bug me. I like annotations when they either help or enhance the video. What I DON'T like is when annotations beg me to rate and subscribe, especially when I'm already subscribed. It's just a really cheap way to get views, and if they had any faith in what they were doing, they wouldn't resort to it. Just look at Mega64, for example. They don't need any extra gimmicks to get views/subs.

[HouseFantastic]

@CurtDogg

Are you done yet

[jonlacksanh]

Welp. Guess my e-crush on Betsy isn't going away anytime soon.

[econojon]

Cruel and unusual punishment.

[CurtDogg]

Hey... can you like... NOT put those annotations in there to bug us to subscribe and rate it during the video? It just reeks of desperation, regardless of whether or not the videos are worth subscribing to or not. If anything, you do not need to be a ratings/subscriptions/comments whore like every other douchebag Youtube personality like RayWilliamJohnson

Plus it takes me out of the scene when shit like "HURR THUMBS UP FOR BOOBZ LOL".

[smbctheater]

@CurtDogg Don't like the annotations? We no longer put them on until Tuesday - so IF YOU SUBSCRIBE and watch Sunday or Monday you never have to see them! Or consider our DVD or FREE TORRENT for full quality video with no annotations / ads!

[CurtDogg]

@smbctheater Wow, could that have been more of a stock reply?

[z3r0t0l3r4ns]

@smbctheater & CurtDogg

or you can just turn them off...

[bloody5230]

@smbctheater Your FREE TORRENT is no longer seeding.

[szundaj]

Hehe, classy answer :)

[shaddowkarate]

@CurtDogg You can also disable annotations by clicking the button that looks like a word bubble! :D

[cm410101]

@CurtDogg You can turn off the annotations yourself, button on the very right of the video, then top icon.

[Nihilanth41]

@CurtDogg or you could just diable annotations...

[riaanjutte]

@CurtDogg Just disable them in your settings.

[matthudsonau]

@CurtDogg You can remove them in the menu at the lower left of the video player

[FerralMoonrender]

@CurtDogg Don't like the annotations? You can TURN THEM OFF by clicking that little red speech bubble shaped button at the bottom. But I guess you didn't notice that because you were too busy complaining about your problems to figure out how to fix them.

[CurtDogg]

@FerralMoonrender You know how he can fix them? By having enough faith in his videos to not resort to rating/subscription gimmicks in the middle of them.

I KNOW I can turn them off, that's not the issue I have. These guys have a great sense of humor, and I hate to see them do something like this when they're completely above it.

[Postscript624]

@CurtDogg You're kind of an entitled douche, aren't you? They need subscriptions and ratings to get more popular. They do all this for free, give 'em a break.

[beeupyou]

@Postscript624 No, I'm not. I'm saying that they're BETTER than to resort to such gimmicks. They don't NEED those annotations to gain subscriptions, views, and ratings. They're funny as they are, and if they had confidence in themselves, they wouldn't need them.

It just takes me right out if I see an annotation like that in a comedy sketch. Isn't the point of things like this to take you into the world of these characters? Why break the illusion with stupid crap like "THUMBS UP FOR THREESOMES?

[botchalism]

@beeupyou A group of talented actors come along and post shit for free and you are gonna rag on them just for trying to get better ratings? You're a real PRICK!

[beeupyou]

@botchalism Good lord, did you not read what I said? I said that they don't NEED to. They are too GOOD to resort to those kinds of gimmicks. It makes them look like they're not confident enough to get ratings, subscriptions, and positive comments. I'm not insulting them at all.

Jesus christ, you fanboys get so defensive at any little bit of criticism someone could ever give. You guys need to realize that not everything you like is fucking perfect.

Oh, and this is CurtDogg, btw, just on an alt

[botchalism]

@beeupyou It's obvious that you're not leaving purely constructive criticism, you're being a dick. They should just block whiny fucks like you from their videos, unappreciative jerk off.

[beeupyou]

@botchalism Why would I be subscribed to him and have SMBC bookmarked if all I was doing was being a dick? I'm just suggesting how he can improve his overall reputation, and not go down of people who actually AREN'T funny and make terrible videos, but they get views and subs because they put shit like giant boobs in their thumbnails, and litter their videos with annotations about rating, commenting, and subscribing.

What is it with you fanboys, that you just can't seem to accept criticism?

[beeupyou]

@botchalism down the road of people, I mean

[mattlohkamp]

@CurtDogg protip - turn off the annotations. never be bothered by them again. run adblocker software. never be bothered by ads again.

[sbtech01]

@CurtDogg lol they've made you look a right dick.

[ferki1234567]

@CurtDogg so click the "annotations off" button? lul, n00b.

[rickrussell]

Wait. Wait. Was she kidding in that last scene?

[ednut69]

awesome.

[GeorgeFontaine]

Haha! This is the best vid by smbc theatre i've seen in a short while. :D

[BatmenInBlack]

worst bond satire ever

[JesseZinVT]

Capture Bond

Don't touch him on the penis

[fdaen]

Destroy his "SC2 beta key shit", get cast for SMBC, touch him on the penis.

[TheWhitefox01]

"TOUcH MY PENIS" haha the best :D

[reaper8579]

@ 2:56 "Hi! How's it going!!!!"

[gwetchie]

fantastic



[Kurwik]

Unless what? I watched it 5 times and i can't figure what does he say at the end, can someone help me with it?

[LivingArkly]

@Kurwik "Unless, y'know, maybe now that we're DONE..."

"That's how."

:)

[shill8989]

@Kurwik Spy 2: How does that work every time?

Spy 1: Hey, Bond, do you still think I'm going to blow you?

Bond: No! ...Unless, you know, maybe now that we're done...

Spy 1: That's how.

[nikoincroatia]

I wanna be her for halloween

[nikoincroatia]

So hot

[JosephCheetah]

She looks really attractive in that outfit.

[NatalieUGA]

I love the eye patches. And the bullet belts. They really set the whole thing off.

[assbaclwards4542]

LOOK ITS ZACH THE PERVERT! wwwDOThuffingtonpostDOTcom/201­0/05/17/ireneusz-fajkis-mma-fi­ght_n_578384DOThtml

[Veggieman87]

I love how the DVD is actually A Streetcar Named Desire.

[stickmanltd]

I never thought I'd see the face of pure evil...

[booglebox]

That second girl is REALLY hot!

[mustrapefoley]

OH GODS. This happened to me last week, WHYYYYY!

[PULS8ing]

You know, if Bond was gay then this problem wouldn't have happened. lol

[YumikoYoshihana]

@PULS8ing there now needs to be a video made with a gay bond resistant to the BJ villain's charms, and her getting increasingly frustrated

[spacecowboy1337]

What're the last two lines of the video? He says something, than she does. What is it?

[FlyingScientist]

@spacecowboy1337 Him: "Unless, you know, maybe now that we're done..." Her: "That's how." (In response to Trixie's "How does that work every time?")

[GarmaZabi]

I somehow think the people who don't like this joke have never experienced the level of suffering portrayed in this video. My god it's hillarious accurate.

[omglazers]

I feel terribly pervy for saying this, but goodness Betsy Drake Studsexymama is lookin fine in that outfit :O

[pitipol]

@omglazers dont feel bad buddy, welcome to the club. every sunday we sacrifice goats and throw virgins to a volcano in her name.

[CrowbarDoom]

@omglazers THAT'S HOW SHE TRAPS YOU.

[ForbiddianSC]

@omglazers If you thumbs up this comment, she will totally blow you.

[jckgrim51]

Lol a real man would have found a way to "relieve" his sexual frustration while being tied up. That what we men do, find ways for woman to please us or new ways to please ourselves...The truth is a ugly thing.