It all depends where you live. I recommend an adoptee support group. Through them they could tell you what to do. The twins are of age. I am on ccnm and I attend a live support group of mothers, adoptees and adoptee parents. It all has to be handled carefully and with the knowledge and support of adoptees and mothers. They have been there so theiri experience will help you. You are not alone. Rhetty
I am a birth mother who had a beautiful set of twins (girls) we were seperated when they were 4 yrs old they were adopted by people I knew but they moved & changed phone #s. They grew up thinking I gave them up but I didnt. My lack of money made it impossible to do anything about it. Its now its now 20 years later & the pain is still as bad as it was that terrible day my world came crashing down around me. I know where my girls are & I want desperatly to reunite with them!! PLEASE HELP ME!!!
I am looking for my birthparents. I was born 12/23/1984 in Rochester, NY at RGH weighing 7lbs. I was given the name Mary Theresa. My birthmother gave me a letter saying I had my maternal grandma's blue eyes (sorry they changed to brown mom), my dad's cleft, and her small ears. My bio parents were 21. My dad was in college. My mom was in college studying special ed. He was Italian and my mom was Irish, German, and French (Americans). She is 5ft 5. He is 5ft 9. She's Catholic. Please contact me!!
@GREENnPURP It is a tiny country so everybody knows everybody or is related to each other. I don't think you will have too much problems. Have you tried facebook? Follow the last names that may help you. Good luck!
I was adopted at 6 months, i love my adoptive family soo much and am thankful to them.I have met my birth parents just a few years ago. At first I did not want to even want to talk to my birth parents but feelings changed as I grew older and now i am in regular contact with them. I hope this helps
Send him birthday and Christmas cards with a short note, "thinkling of you and sending you blessings". Maybe at some point tell him you want to give him his medical history. These are things kids don't care about, but adults do. So hang in there and keep the faith. My prayers are with you to have your dream and find your peace. Blessings!
Boys seem to search less . I think it's because they don't deal with their emotions as well as girls. I would have given anything to have had a BM like you, who cared enough to look and didn't hide. Some of my BM's kids were blackmarket babies. :( I was one of the lucky ones that were legal. Give him time and by the time he is married and has his own children, he may very well come around. Also his parents might be pulling the guilt strings.
Rhetty, don't give up the hope. At least you do know who he is and that he is alive. I searched for my BM for 16 years. I found her 4 months after she died. With her so did my dreams. She was an unstable woman who lived a really rough lifestyle and used alias'. My bf died when I was four. Another dream crashed. But even through these disappointments, God has blessed me with 2 sisters from BM and 3 brothers from BF, not to mention a grandma, aunts, 1 uncle and cousins.
This is touching, I was adopted at birth by my parents I had a closed adoption so I cant even found out anything till I'm 18 which is only a year away! Hopefully I can find my birthmother and she will want to see me like you do with scott.
@iLoveCrissAngel01 You will be 18 one day so in the mean time take care of you and be the best person you can be so when that day comes you will be well prepared to meet them . I am doing well because I have a support group. Happy Birthday!
i was adopted when i was four weeks old. four weeks. my mom and dad are the best, and i love them so much. but i have always wondered about my birthmother. i have a closed adoption, and cant even know my original last name until i'm eighteen. i hope you find scott as much as i hope to find my own birthmother, because i know how it feels to have the hole in your heart of a missing loved one.
it's also true to say that when the adoptee searches for the mum, then the mum had total control, over whether or not to have anything to do with their child.
When the mother says no it is because of fear, facing her past . An adoptee is not fucked when he or she searches for the search itself is healing and most mothers will say yes or change their minds. Both parties have been damaged by society. I never knew what happened to me till long into the search. Reading books on what happened to birth mothers will help you understand us.I have written more in myspace blog.Email me if you want to talk more. Rhetty
If she says no, it's usually done out of fear.When these young women were pregnant, they were completely beaten down, told to forget, and told never to talk about it or admit to it. I was in this situation in the early 80s. It was terrible how I was treated by my family, my church, and the social workers. I was told that I ruined my family.I was told that I caused my father's illness because I got pregnant. Had it not been for my sister,I don't think that I'd have ever made it.
What was done to these young mothers and their babies in the 50s-80s was nothing more than kidnapping.These young women had no choice.I recommend the book THE GIRLS WHO WENT AWAY by Ann Fessler. Everyone should read it. I was an inmate in an unwed mothers home in Scranton,Pa in the early 80s.The lies and coersion that these people used to get girls to surrender was criminal.I know.I was there.I would've believed it too if my sister hadn't hired an attorney for me.And yes, i kept my baby.
I gave you a thumbs up Maggie to get rid of that thumbs down. Not liking an even in history doesn't erase it from happening. I don't care if people don't like hearing about it or not, babies were stolen from their mothers.
Anyone who wants to know where it all started should look into the conviction of adoption worker and baby thief Georgia Tann as well.
I am familiar with Georgia Tann and the judge, who helped her. Adoption is all about money!!!Georgia literally kidnapped children. She stole babies from their mothers and then sold them to people who would not otherwise be able to adopt, but had deep pockets---like Joan Crawford.Adoption is just another form of slavery in more ways than one.
l wached thise vido and it has toched me coz lm a b mum in the uk who lost my 2 boys 7 years ago l right to them every year and seand picks and l get the same bk its hart bracking and l relly do fell for u l no whot ur going throw to let ur child go its hart bracking l hope one day my children whont to fined me its up to them if thay whont to no u my oldest son is 10 in augest and my youngest is 8 thers not a day that gose by my hart dont bleed for them boys i
your story is so touching....it break my heart to hear that this is closer to my own experience right now...I will share more in time... thank you for sharing your insights...you have helped more people and hope the very best for you!
Rhetty, your child needs you as much as you need him...the mother-child bond can never be severed. You are his mother, plain and simple, you are his mother.
I am an adoptee and I am so grateful for my A-parents. My A-mom recently passed away and I just had my own baby in Sept. of '07. It has made me wonder more than ever about my B-mom, not that I haven't all my life. I thank you for your video. It made me cry but also made me believe my b-mom must still think about me and love me somehow, someway. I wish the best for you. Thanks for sharing your story. It means a lot to us adoptees who wonder.
How much research do paps do before adoption; how much do you know about the effects of adoption on the child? There is a lot of information out there so there is no excuse to be ignorant. The adoption agencies won't tell you the truth, because adoption is obviously in their best interests.
An adoptee never fully recovers from the loss of his mother, even if he is fortunate enough to have years of adequate therapy. Most don't benefit from therapy because therapists are not adoption savvy.
I now would like to join a group where I can more fully understand adoptees. I am not one for facebook. I hope this is the year Scott will be ready to meet me. Do you have a group or chat room I can join?
@Sammicsno as sad as this sounds it is true. I always have had a twinge of abandonment from being given up however my parents sent me to therapy for sevreal years and it is easy to cope with now.
Please don't feel guilty. This is one video. Please do other research. My cousins are adopted, and both have expressed that not only are they glad, but my one cousin is especially close to her mother. Neither has expressed a desire to contact their birthparents, in spite of supportive parents, and being given ample information. Biology does not a mother make, or we wouldn't have the amount of child abuse that is out there among other things.
don't feel guilty...I was adopted...my family in Samoa gave me a better life...yes, I cried for my biological mum but I absolutely LOVE my adoptive mom...
Don't feel guilty Sarakai....Im A birth mom of three (I adopted my oldest son within 6 months after finding him).....Im the whole triangle and helped others search . You would make a differance in someones life.
@sarakai i'm adopted, its not a bad thing i love my adopted parents more then anything. you just have to hear the birth moms reasoning for putting her baby up for adoption & try an do an open adoption its best for all of you. i have an amazing relationship with my birth mom and i love her very much for all that she has done for me but that doesnt mean i love my adopted parents any less. you just have to find that equal common ground thats health for all of you including the baby
I'm an adoptee, and sorry to hear your story Rhetty. "The Girls who went a way" is a great collection of stories of women forced to surrender, and you might also want to look into PTSD literature, as you probably went through the trauma of being horribly mistreated as well as giving up your child. Belleruth Naparstek wrote a book Invisible Hero, about PTSD which is very descriptive, and Stephanie Mines books might also be helpful.
Just wanted to give you HUGS and all my prayers! My daughter just turned 18 in April and I myself wonder "Will I live to see the day we are reunited and will she ever love me again?!" *hugs*
Check out "The Travels of Annie T. Hastings." It is a touching, though at times disturbing, novel about a birth-mother searching and finding her daughter. Many similar emotions to what you have described inhabit this Annie, based a true story.
As an adoptive mama... I wish you most well on your search. Praying that you and your son will find each other soon and have a wonderfully satisfying reunion.
It all depends where you live. I recommend an adoptee support group. Through them they could tell you what to do. The twins are of age. I am on ccnm and I attend a live support group of mothers, adoptees and adoptee parents. It all has to be handled carefully and with the knowledge and support of adoptees and mothers. They have been there so theiri experience will help you. You are not alone. Rhetty
rhettyfrank 1 week ago
I am a birth mother who had a beautiful set of twins (girls) we were seperated when they were 4 yrs old they were adopted by people I knew but they moved & changed phone #s. They grew up thinking I gave them up but I didnt. My lack of money made it impossible to do anything about it. Its now its now 20 years later & the pain is still as bad as it was that terrible day my world came crashing down around me. I know where my girls are & I want desperatly to reunite with them!! PLEASE HELP ME!!!
terrabletees2 1 week ago
I am looking for my birthparents. I was born 12/23/1984 in Rochester, NY at RGH weighing 7lbs. I was given the name Mary Theresa. My birthmother gave me a letter saying I had my maternal grandma's blue eyes (sorry they changed to brown mom), my dad's cleft, and her small ears. My bio parents were 21. My dad was in college. My mom was in college studying special ed. He was Italian and my mom was Irish, German, and French (Americans). She is 5ft 5. He is 5ft 9. She's Catholic. Please contact me!!
TheTravelfool 9 months ago
Comment removed
Annike87 1 year ago
i wonder how easy it is to find birth parents in paraguay? i have my mommas name
GREENnPURP 1 year ago
@GREENnPURP
ASk for help from a search angel or another adoptee..
rhettyfrank 1 year ago
@GREENnPURP It is a tiny country so everybody knows everybody or is related to each other. I don't think you will have too much problems. Have you tried facebook? Follow the last names that may help you. Good luck!
iocantoetu 1 year ago
Hello
I was adopted at 6 months, i love my adoptive family soo much and am thankful to them.I have met my birth parents just a few years ago. At first I did not want to even want to talk to my birth parents but feelings changed as I grew older and now i am in regular contact with them. I hope this helps
imjustmaria 1 year ago 2
@imjustmaria
I have been feeling very discouraged and yes your message helps. Every message I get helps me hold onto hope.
rhettyfrank 1 year ago
Send him birthday and Christmas cards with a short note, "thinkling of you and sending you blessings". Maybe at some point tell him you want to give him his medical history. These are things kids don't care about, but adults do. So hang in there and keep the faith. My prayers are with you to have your dream and find your peace. Blessings!
indnbeaut 1 year ago
Boys seem to search less . I think it's because they don't deal with their emotions as well as girls. I would have given anything to have had a BM like you, who cared enough to look and didn't hide. Some of my BM's kids were blackmarket babies. :( I was one of the lucky ones that were legal. Give him time and by the time he is married and has his own children, he may very well come around. Also his parents might be pulling the guilt strings.
indnbeaut 1 year ago
Rhetty, don't give up the hope. At least you do know who he is and that he is alive. I searched for my BM for 16 years. I found her 4 months after she died. With her so did my dreams. She was an unstable woman who lived a really rough lifestyle and used alias'. My bf died when I was four. Another dream crashed. But even through these disappointments, God has blessed me with 2 sisters from BM and 3 brothers from BF, not to mention a grandma, aunts, 1 uncle and cousins.
indnbeaut 1 year ago
This is touching, I was adopted at birth by my parents I had a closed adoption so I cant even found out anything till I'm 18 which is only a year away! Hopefully I can find my birthmother and she will want to see me like you do with scott.
Tulsy4Life 1 year ago
i got adopted at 2 and a half,
i had no choice. i was taken away..
but, my father doesnt even know i was born.
i have nightmares i found him.and he has another kid and she tells me how much i was a mistake..that he didnt want me. so i beat her..
i have 5 brothers and sisters i cant meet
untill im 18... i cant know anything..
today is my BIRTHDAY...
and.. ive never felt more alone..
iLoveCrissAngel01 1 year ago
@iLoveCrissAngel01 You will be 18 one day so in the mean time take care of you and be the best person you can be so when that day comes you will be well prepared to meet them . I am doing well because I have a support group. Happy Birthday!
rhettyfrank 1 year ago 2
A Woman's Heart
youtube...watch..v=Au79EvA5tpQ&feature=related
A Woman's Prayer Life featuring Beth Moore
youtube...watch..v=ccvJxLodNio
Anna's Connections led me to Your Video here
youtube...results..search_query=Beth+Moore+adoption+birth+mothers&search_type=&aq=f
JBME 1 year ago
Bless you, I hope you find each other.
wsjulz 2 years ago
i was adopted when i was four weeks old. four weeks. my mom and dad are the best, and i love them so much. but i have always wondered about my birthmother. i have a closed adoption, and cant even know my original last name until i'm eighteen. i hope you find scott as much as i hope to find my own birthmother, because i know how it feels to have the hole in your heart of a missing loved one.
jlax0x0 2 years ago
Never give up searching. Scott does know I want to meet him but he said he is "not interested". I hope with time and healing he changes his mind.
rhettyfrank 2 years ago
it's also true to say that when the adoptee searches for the mum, then the mum had total control, over whether or not to have anything to do with their child.
If she says no, you're fucked.
Sammicsno 2 years ago
When the mother says no it is because of fear, facing her past . An adoptee is not fucked when he or she searches for the search itself is healing and most mothers will say yes or change their minds. Both parties have been damaged by society. I never knew what happened to me till long into the search. Reading books on what happened to birth mothers will help you understand us.I have written more in myspace blog.Email me if you want to talk more. Rhetty
rhettyfrank 2 years ago
If she says no, it's usually done out of fear.When these young women were pregnant, they were completely beaten down, told to forget, and told never to talk about it or admit to it. I was in this situation in the early 80s. It was terrible how I was treated by my family, my church, and the social workers. I was told that I ruined my family.I was told that I caused my father's illness because I got pregnant. Had it not been for my sister,I don't think that I'd have ever made it.
maggiebridget09 2 years ago
What was done to these young mothers and their babies in the 50s-80s was nothing more than kidnapping.These young women had no choice.I recommend the book THE GIRLS WHO WENT AWAY by Ann Fessler. Everyone should read it. I was an inmate in an unwed mothers home in Scranton,Pa in the early 80s.The lies and coersion that these people used to get girls to surrender was criminal.I know.I was there.I would've believed it too if my sister hadn't hired an attorney for me.And yes, i kept my baby.
maggiebridget09 2 years ago
I gave you a thumbs up Maggie to get rid of that thumbs down. Not liking an even in history doesn't erase it from happening. I don't care if people don't like hearing about it or not, babies were stolen from their mothers.
Anyone who wants to know where it all started should look into the conviction of adoption worker and baby thief Georgia Tann as well.
IheartNovember 2 years ago
I am familiar with Georgia Tann and the judge, who helped her. Adoption is all about money!!!Georgia literally kidnapped children. She stole babies from their mothers and then sold them to people who would not otherwise be able to adopt, but had deep pockets---like Joan Crawford.Adoption is just another form of slavery in more ways than one.
maggiebridget09 2 years ago
God bless you, Rhetty ! I hope you find your son !
fairlightdawn112 2 years ago
l wached thise vido and it has toched me coz lm a b mum in the uk who lost my 2 boys 7 years ago l right to them every year and seand picks and l get the same bk its hart bracking and l relly do fell for u l no whot ur going throw to let ur child go its hart bracking l hope one day my children whont to fined me its up to them if thay whont to no u my oldest son is 10 in augest and my youngest is 8 thers not a day that gose by my hart dont bleed for them boys i
tiggereyes2008 2 years ago
your story is so touching....it break my heart to hear that this is closer to my own experience right now...I will share more in time... thank you for sharing your insights...you have helped more people and hope the very best for you!
LCQMusic 2 years ago
Rhetty, your child needs you as much as you need him...the mother-child bond can never be severed. You are his mother, plain and simple, you are his mother.
FLBAZ 2 years ago
I am an adoptee and I am so grateful for my A-parents. My A-mom recently passed away and I just had my own baby in Sept. of '07. It has made me wonder more than ever about my B-mom, not that I haven't all my life. I thank you for your video. It made me cry but also made me believe my b-mom must still think about me and love me somehow, someway. I wish the best for you. Thanks for sharing your story. It means a lot to us adoptees who wonder.
HeidiChambers70 2 years ago
How much research do paps do before adoption; how much do you know about the effects of adoption on the child? There is a lot of information out there so there is no excuse to be ignorant. The adoption agencies won't tell you the truth, because adoption is obviously in their best interests.
An adoptee never fully recovers from the loss of his mother, even if he is fortunate enough to have years of adequate therapy. Most don't benefit from therapy because therapists are not adoption savvy.
Sammicsno 2 years ago 2
I now would like to join a group where I can more fully understand adoptees. I am not one for facebook. I hope this is the year Scott will be ready to meet me. Do you have a group or chat room I can join?
rhettyfrank 2 years ago
@Sammicsno as sad as this sounds it is true. I always have had a twinge of abandonment from being given up however my parents sent me to therapy for sevreal years and it is easy to cope with now.
Tulsy4Life 1 year ago
I plan to adopt, this makes me feel so guilty for that.
sarakai 3 years ago
Please don't feel guilty. This is one video. Please do other research. My cousins are adopted, and both have expressed that not only are they glad, but my one cousin is especially close to her mother. Neither has expressed a desire to contact their birthparents, in spite of supportive parents, and being given ample information. Biology does not a mother make, or we wouldn't have the amount of child abuse that is out there among other things.
gemmasoleil 2 years ago
don't feel guilty...I was adopted...my family in Samoa gave me a better life...yes, I cried for my biological mum but I absolutely LOVE my adoptive mom...
avengem 2 years ago
Don't feel guilty Sarakai....Im A birth mom of three (I adopted my oldest son within 6 months after finding him).....Im the whole triangle and helped others search . You would make a differance in someones life.
lindasper 2 years ago
@sarakai i'm adopted, its not a bad thing i love my adopted parents more then anything. you just have to hear the birth moms reasoning for putting her baby up for adoption & try an do an open adoption its best for all of you. i have an amazing relationship with my birth mom and i love her very much for all that she has done for me but that doesnt mean i love my adopted parents any less. you just have to find that equal common ground thats health for all of you including the baby
charleneANDhannah 1 year ago
I'm an adoptee, and sorry to hear your story Rhetty. "The Girls who went a way" is a great collection of stories of women forced to surrender, and you might also want to look into PTSD literature, as you probably went through the trauma of being horribly mistreated as well as giving up your child. Belleruth Naparstek wrote a book Invisible Hero, about PTSD which is very descriptive, and Stephanie Mines books might also be helpful.
givebirthathome 3 years ago
what about your kid how do you think he/she feels?
condor199123 3 years ago
I will keep you in my prayers.
biscuit206 3 years ago
Just wanted to give you HUGS and all my prayers! My daughter just turned 18 in April and I myself wonder "Will I live to see the day we are reunited and will she ever love me again?!" *hugs*
sadeyes8nt4ever 3 years ago
Check out "The Travels of Annie T. Hastings." It is a touching, though at times disturbing, novel about a birth-mother searching and finding her daughter. Many similar emotions to what you have described inhabit this Annie, based a true story.
patrickegan 3 years ago
You are so brave.
And I completely understand, those feelings.
shrinkingviolett 3 years ago
Oh Rhetty this is so brave, this made me cry. I'm so sorry you're still searching, so sorry.
TheresaTheUngrateful 3 years ago
As an adoptive mama... I wish you most well on your search. Praying that you and your son will find each other soon and have a wonderfully satisfying reunion.
TuesdayChan 3 years ago